1 00:00:51,484 --> 00:00:55,155 (NARRATOR READING) PREVIOUSLY ON twenty one JUMP STREET 2 00:00:55,155 --> 00:00:56,790 (SCHOOL BELL RINGING) 3 00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:57,991 You're a ****ing nerd. 4 00:00:57,991 --> 00:01:00,930 Boy, you lucky you even graduating. 5 00:01:00,930 --> 00:01:01,594 SCHMIDT: ****! ALL: Oh! 6 00:01:01,594 --> 00:01:03,496 You're good at this, huh? Yeah. 7 00:01:03,496 --> 00:01:05,432 You're really good at this. Yeah. 8 00:01:05,432 --> 00:01:06,566 Hey, you want to be friends? 9 00:01:09,202 --> 00:01:10,236 Yours isn't loaded, right? 10 00:01:11,710 --> 00:01:12,238 (BOTH GAGGING) 11 00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:13,740 Just touch it. I'm scared. 12 00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:16,900 Just touch it. 13 00:01:16,900 --> 00:01:17,677 Seriously. All right, all right, all right. 14 00:01:19,790 --> 00:01:20,780 You took a bullet for me, man. 15 00:01:23,783 --> 00:01:25,218 Boom, mother****ers! 16 00:01:25,218 --> 00:01:27,454 You two sons of *****es are going to college! 17 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:37,263 Yin is characterized as slow, soft, passive 18 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,933 and is associated with water and femininity. 19 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:44,337 While, Yang, by contrast, is fast and solid and... 20 00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:46,573 Man, this is BS. 21 00:01:46,573 --> 00:01:49,509 I thought we were going to actual college, not online college. 22 00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:51,745 Listening for coded messages in lectures. 23 00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:52,746 (SCOFFS) What are you talking about? 24 00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:53,747 Look around. 25 00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:55,815 This is our city. 26 00:01:55,815 --> 00:01:56,950 What do we want to be in college for? 27 00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,184 You're right. 28 00:01:58,184 --> 00:02:00,754 Partners for life. 29 00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:03,757 At Metro city port, the tide comes in at 10:30 A.M. 30 00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:05,425 Then it will return to the sea. 31 00:02:05,425 --> 00:02:07,460 Metro port. One hour. 32 00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:09,462 ♪ ♪ 33 00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:11,398 let's do this. 34 00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:14,134 ♪ Turn down for what 35 00:02:17,537 --> 00:02:19,139 ♪ turn down for what 36 00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:22,475 surprise. There's two more arms. 37 00:02:22,942 --> 00:02:24,611 ♪ ♪ 38 00:02:27,470 --> 00:02:28,682 ♪ turn down for what 39 00:02:39,250 --> 00:02:41,294 ♪ turn down for what ♪ 40 00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:43,930 shit! That's the ghost. JENKO: The ghost? 41 00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:45,432 Joste nillsen, 42 00:02:45,432 --> 00:02:47,300 biggest trafficker of illegal goods in Metro city. 43 00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:49,269 He teamed up with a Mexican cartel 44 00:02:49,269 --> 00:02:51,400 and they're running all this shit through the port. 45 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:51,971 What the hell are we supposed to be buying? 46 00:02:51,971 --> 00:02:52,972 I don't know. 47 00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:56,676 What are you doing? Huh? 48 00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,311 I got a new identity that's gonna be killer. 49 00:02:58,311 --> 00:02:59,946 I'll be throwing it to you to make it legit. 50 00:02:59,946 --> 00:03:00,980 (SIGHS) 51 00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:02,615 Okay. 52 00:03:02,615 --> 00:03:04,384 I'm gonna need you to improvise. Okay? 53 00:03:04,384 --> 00:03:05,585 I don't want to improvise. 54 00:03:05,585 --> 00:03:07,387 I'm gonna need you to improvise. 55 00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:09,122 I suck at improvising. I don't want to do it. 56 00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:11,725 I need absolute silence while I fall into character. 57 00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:14,594 I need absolute silence while I fall into character. 58 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:17,397 Can you give me a head start on... 59 00:03:17,397 --> 00:03:19,866 I need absolute... I need absolute silence. 60 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,268 Can you please... Absolute silence. 61 00:03:25,805 --> 00:03:27,273 ♪ ♪ 62 00:03:38,351 --> 00:03:39,953 JENKO: Are you ****ing serious right now? 63 00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:44,357 All right. I hate people who are late. 64 00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:47,727 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 65 00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:49,462 We're trying to see that product. 66 00:03:49,829 --> 00:03:50,830 Shit! 67 00:03:51,664 --> 00:03:53,933 Yo, sleepy! What's up, homie? 68 00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:55,802 You know my cousin, sad boy. 69 00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:57,804 I think you got the wrong guy, homes. 70 00:03:57,804 --> 00:04:00,106 Oh, that's bullshit, man! You sleepy! 71 00:04:00,106 --> 00:04:01,641 Everyone say in the barrio, 72 00:04:01,641 --> 00:04:04,477 sleepy, he like the Mexican Wolverine and shit. 73 00:04:04,477 --> 00:04:06,446 Hey, my partner here, he want to see the product. 74 00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:07,580 Why ain't he talking? 75 00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:12,819 (IN FOREIGN ACCENT) My name is Jeff. 76 00:04:13,486 --> 00:04:14,788 That's jeffe, man. 77 00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,191 Tell 'em about mousie's quinceanera, man. 78 00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:21,594 Tell 'em about that crazy adventure you guys had. 79 00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:24,931 I don't know what you're talking about. 80 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:27,500 Oh, man, when you were telling the story last night, 81 00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:29,502 you had so much detail! 82 00:04:29,502 --> 00:04:31,705 The detail was so rich! It was rich detail! (STAMMERING) 83 00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:34,374 Go into incredibly descriptive details 84 00:04:34,374 --> 00:04:35,675 of the story, so we all know. 85 00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:37,944 Oh, yes. (SIGHS) 86 00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:41,748 It was Dora and Diego 87 00:04:42,248 --> 00:04:43,283 and swiper. 88 00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:44,984 Swiper? 89 00:04:44,984 --> 00:04:46,586 Who was that you choked out, man? 90 00:04:46,586 --> 00:04:48,521 He had it coming! Who was that? 91 00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:51,791 Boots. 92 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:55,128 No, man, that wasn't boots! Boots isn't a real name! 93 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,296 You got to tell them the real story, man. 94 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,264 Start over from the top. 95 00:04:58,264 --> 00:05:01,368 That's a made-up name. 96 00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:05,380 I can't believe the punks I have to deal with these days. 97 00:05:09,609 --> 00:05:12,679 It really makes me miss the '90s, 98 00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:15,682 when we had professionals around. 99 00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:20,530 You want to check out the goods? 100 00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:22,789 Check it out. 101 00:05:24,357 --> 00:05:27,270 And shut up. Right? 102 00:05:27,270 --> 00:05:28,762 Where'd you find this gringo, man? 103 00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:31,531 At the ****ing Mumford & sons concert and shit? (LAUGHS) 104 00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:43,576 (SOFTLY) What is it? Guns? Drugs? 105 00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:45,450 (HISSING) (SCREAMING) 106 00:05:45,450 --> 00:05:46,379 No! No! 107 00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:48,948 Dude! It's gross! 108 00:05:48,948 --> 00:05:50,817 It's inking in my mouth! 109 00:05:51,584 --> 00:05:53,453 I'll get it off. 110 00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:56,556 Its tentacle is eating me! 111 00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:58,525 It's so strong! It's really on there, man. 112 00:05:58,525 --> 00:05:59,659 It's biting my face! 113 00:06:00,927 --> 00:06:01,928 (SCREAMS) 114 00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:04,164 Shit! 115 00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:06,900 Black market exotic animals, just like we expected to be in there. 116 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:07,967 The accents are gone, huh? 117 00:06:09,350 --> 00:06:10,837 Take them out, guys. They're cops. 118 00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:13,840 (GUNS FIRING) 119 00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:22,282 What was that? I don't know! I think we're moving. 120 00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:24,718 We're definitely moving! 121 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,286 JENKO: There's ****ing birds and shit in here! 122 00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:27,454 There's actual shit! 123 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:29,422 SCHMIDT: What the ****? 124 00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:31,858 There's a ****ing dragon in here! 125 00:06:31,858 --> 00:06:33,260 (SCREECHING) (SCREAMING) Shit! 126 00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:36,863 What was that? 127 00:06:39,466 --> 00:06:41,468 Dude, that was our car. 128 00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:43,703 We shared so much in that car! 129 00:06:43,703 --> 00:06:47,374 I'm going to shoot them in the face for that! That was our ****ing car! 130 00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:49,376 What are you doing? 131 00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:51,211 Don't teen wolf on the truck! 132 00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:52,345 Don't leave me here alone! 133 00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:53,380 Then get up here! 134 00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:54,814 I can't do that! 135 00:06:54,814 --> 00:06:57,751 Then ****ing climb around. Come on, climb around. 136 00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,786 Let's go. Come on, buddy. You got it. 137 00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:00,820 SCHMIDT: This is so scary! 138 00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:01,888 Shoot him! 139 00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:03,456 SCHMIDT: Don't leave me out here! 140 00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:05,392 I'm all out. You stupid moron! 141 00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:06,559 That's it. Come on. (GRUNTING) 142 00:07:08,628 --> 00:07:10,463 ****ing get up here. Come on. ****! 143 00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:11,798 All right, you good? Yeah! 144 00:07:11,798 --> 00:07:13,500 All you got to do is walk now, okay? Okay. 145 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,201 (SCREAMS) 146 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:16,836 Shit! 147 00:07:18,838 --> 00:07:20,640 What the **** are you doing? Get up here! 148 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:22,409 I can't! 149 00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:24,244 All right, fine, I guess I'll just drag you. 150 00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:25,779 I'm gonna die! 151 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:28,415 You're not gonna die. Just get the **** up here! 152 00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:29,783 (SCHMIDT CONTINUES SCREAMING) 153 00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:34,187 (TIRES SCREECHING) Pull yourself up here. 154 00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:36,589 Use your core! 155 00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:40,894 You got it, you got it. Come on, come on. Yeah! 156 00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:41,628 All right. Think you can stand on your own now? 157 00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,290 Yes! 158 00:07:43,290 --> 00:07:44,300 I think we lost them. 159 00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:46,990 Shit! 160 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:48,535 He's the ****ing Terminator! 161 00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:50,270 That's ****ing dangerous! 162 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:55,775 You are under arrest! 163 00:07:55,775 --> 00:07:57,811 Pull the truck over! 164 00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,979 I said pull the ****ing truck over right ****ing now! 165 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,716 You owe me a car, 166 00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:04,217 and it'd better be a ****ing Lamborghini, you *****! 167 00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,552 I did it! 168 00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:06,953 You have the right to remain silent. 169 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,321 Oh, shit! 170 00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:10,523 (BOTH SCREAMING) 171 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,397 Holy Moses! 172 00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:18,765 SCHMIDT: Shit. 173 00:08:18,765 --> 00:08:20,133 (JENKO GRUNTS) 174 00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:21,568 JENKO: What happened? 175 00:08:21,568 --> 00:08:22,769 SCHMIDT: I think they got away. 176 00:08:26,406 --> 00:08:28,641 Is that a hickey? 177 00:08:28,641 --> 00:08:33,780 Oh. This was actually an octopus-related incident. 178 00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:38,852 I'd opened a crate and the octopus had leapt onto my face. 179 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:41,654 Apparently, they have many, many arms. 180 00:08:41,654 --> 00:08:43,890 They have eight tentacles. 181 00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:44,457 Yes, and... 182 00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:46,426 Look, ladies, 183 00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:50,864 nobody gave a shit about the jump street reboot when you first came on. 184 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,932 Anyone with half a brain, myself included, 185 00:08:52,932 --> 00:08:55,735 thought it was destined to fail spectacularly. 186 00:08:55,735 --> 00:08:57,303 But you got lucky. 187 00:08:57,303 --> 00:08:59,720 So now this department has invested 188 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:03,109 a lot of money to make sure jump street keeps going. 189 00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:05,345 We've doubled their budget. 190 00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:08,181 As if spending twice the money guaranteed twice the profit. 191 00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:09,749 (LAUGHING) 192 00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:11,584 Like that's going to work. 193 00:09:11,584 --> 00:09:15,855 Yeah. Well, the commissioner's convinced this debacle happened 194 00:09:15,855 --> 00:09:18,591 because you weren't doing the same undercover student thing 195 00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:19,993 you did the first time. 196 00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:22,328 She doesn't get that it's always worse 197 00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:23,329 the second time around. 198 00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:26,199 You settle into worn-out roles. 199 00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:28,868 One gets possessive, the other runs away. 200 00:09:28,868 --> 00:09:31,710 You begin a slow, painful unraveling, 201 00:09:31,710 --> 00:09:33,606 as all the good things that came before 202 00:09:33,606 --> 00:09:37,430 begin to be crushed by the trash compactor of sadness. 203 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,213 That doesn't sound like us. I mean... (CHUCKLES) 204 00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:41,881 I'm getting a divorce. 205 00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:46,519 We don't want to do the same thing. 206 00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:48,922 We want to burst through our ceiling. 207 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,256 And you're gonna find another ceiling 208 00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,791 and you got to bust through that one, 209 00:09:51,791 --> 00:09:52,592 and you just got to keep hammering ceilings. 210 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,494 Okay, okay, okay. 211 00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:57,163 What if we actually went into the secret service 212 00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:58,631 and, like, tried to protect the white house? 213 00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:00,800 I think... I don't think that would work. 214 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,535 I'm going to ask you to stop talking. 215 00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:03,970 I thought it was a pretty good idea. 216 00:10:03,970 --> 00:10:07,707 Do the same thing as last time, everyone's happy. 217 00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:13,646 I can't believe the Koreans bought their church back. 218 00:10:13,646 --> 00:10:15,415 Yeah. Good thing there was an even bigger 219 00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:17,150 abandoned church directly across the street. 220 00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:20,820 Yeah. That's convenient. Yes, it is convenient. 221 00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:22,355 Next year, we'll probably just be right back across the street. 222 00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:23,757 Just next door. 223 00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:25,592 (SCOFFS) Let's not get ahead of ourselves. 224 00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:26,860 We're not ahead of ourselves. 225 00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,940 We're right next to each other. 226 00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:34,100 This is awesome. Like, way more expensive for no reason. 227 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:39,239 Looks like a giant cube of ice. 228 00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:40,740 How you *****es like jump street now? 229 00:10:41,410 --> 00:10:42,420 Hey! 230 00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:44,711 Y'all see this shit? 231 00:10:44,711 --> 00:10:47,681 22 jump street is the lick. 232 00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:49,215 And I got a big-*** raise 233 00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:51,718 to babysit you two ****ers again. 234 00:10:51,718 --> 00:10:54,154 Designed it myself. We got an espresso bar. 235 00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:55,955 I'm thinking about a shark tank over there. 236 00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:57,424 Ooh, I like sharks. 237 00:10:57,424 --> 00:11:01,194 **** a 21 jump street, and **** a Korean Jesus. 238 00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:03,960 Whoa! Cap, come on, Korean Jesus is right there. 239 00:11:04,731 --> 00:11:06,933 See, this a Vietnamese church. 240 00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:10,337 You racist, sacrilegious sack of shit. 241 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:15,108 Look at that. Vietnamese Jesus just dripping swagoo. 242 00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:16,643 And we got some new dumb-*** interns. 243 00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:18,111 Hey, hey! Look alive! Huh? 244 00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:20,313 (CHUCKLES) Boys. Yo, jenko. 245 00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:21,314 (GRUNTING) 246 00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,510 Hey, Schmidt! 247 00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:30,690 Don't do that. 248 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,792 So, they want the same shit, so here we go. 249 00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,161 Same identities. 250 00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:38,131 Same assignment. 251 00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:39,632 JENKO: We're going back to high school? 252 00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:41,568 Your *** look like you about 50. 253 00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:43,103 You're going to MC state. 254 00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:44,738 We're going to college for real? 255 00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:48,208 Somebody's out there, they're cooking up a new drug. 256 00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:51,244 It's Adderall mixed with ecstasy mixed with God knows what else. 257 00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:53,880 JENKO: Wipey? 258 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,149 No, you dumb mother****er. Whyphy. 259 00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:59,619 Stands for work hard? Yes. Play hard? Yes. 260 00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,388 Now, these kids take this shit, 261 00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:05,580 and they get laser-focused for about four hours of studying, 262 00:12:05,580 --> 00:12:08,161 and then they party like it's goddamn 1999. 263 00:12:08,928 --> 00:12:10,330 SCHMIDT: Who's this? 264 00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:11,898 That's Cynthia Watson. 265 00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,733 She was a student at MC state. 266 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:14,968 She took some whyphy, 267 00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,236 got locked out of her dorm, 268 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,470 ended up falling off the roof. 269 00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:19,506 And now she's dead. 270 00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:24,944 That's her buying drugs on campus. 271 00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:26,646 And that's the dealer. 272 00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:28,848 Find him and we find the supplier. 273 00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:31,718 Sir, can I just say, 274 00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:35,588 it is so refreshing to have a case with a black victim. 275 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:38,291 I mean, we care so much more because she's black. 276 00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,560 I think what he's really trying to say 277 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:43,363 is that we care equally. 278 00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:46,533 It's a tie, really, how much we care. 279 00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:50,700 Uh... no, we're not. If it was a white person, I wouldn't even care. 280 00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:51,805 One less cracker-*** cracker to worry about. 281 00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:56,476 Why every time you speak I want to throw the **** up? 282 00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:59,379 Infiltrate the dealer, find the supplier. 283 00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:00,880 ♪ ♪ 284 00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:03,316 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 285 00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:10,557 You all right? 286 00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:12,592 Yeah. 287 00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:14,394 It's just... 288 00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:20,266 I'm the first person in my family to pretend to go to college. 289 00:13:20,266 --> 00:13:22,102 Best part is we get to do it together. 290 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,238 What's up, college? 291 00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:26,639 What's up, bro? We're 322. 292 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:27,707 **** high school, right? 293 00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:28,842 **** high school. 294 00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:31,440 Oh, so tight! 295 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:33,880 Oh, this is so baller! 296 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:35,882 Beds... oh, shit. (GROANS) 297 00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:44,424 Welcome to college. ****, yeah. 298 00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:54,300 Hilarious shirt that signals we drink alcohol. 299 00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:59,239 Some bacon machine that my mom got me. 300 00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:00,573 I do not understand how it works. 301 00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:11,217 It's true. 302 00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:12,585 JENKO: Super high-tech police gear. 303 00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:16,890 Carte Blanche with the budget, mother****er. 304 00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:20,860 I'm going to veto that poster. 305 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:23,363 It's a touch childish. 306 00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:26,990 Okay. What do lambos have to do with touching children? 307 00:14:26,990 --> 00:14:28,268 Lambos are lame. 308 00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:31,104 I get one choice. I get one thing that I'm not... 309 00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:32,872 We have to agree. You know what I mean? 310 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,375 What up, fellas? We're your across-the-hall neighbors. 311 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,343 Oh, hey, there's two of you. You're twins. 312 00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:37,477 What's up, man? 313 00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:39,846 We're the yangs, man. Kenny Yang. What's up? 314 00:14:39,846 --> 00:14:41,181 Keith Yang. 315 00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:42,515 What's going on? What's going on? 316 00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:43,683 Did you say the yangs? 317 00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:45,285 Yeah, dad's Chinese, man. 318 00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:47,520 Our mom's not Chinese. She's black. 319 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:48,988 Oh. She's like real black. 320 00:14:48,988 --> 00:14:50,623 Like Wesley snipes black. Exactly. 321 00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:51,658 We're brothers, too. 322 00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:53,426 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 323 00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:54,761 No. He's not kidding. He's serious. 324 00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:56,162 Oh, really? 325 00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:57,597 What? Like, one of y'all older? 326 00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,299 Mmm-hmm. 327 00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:00,166 Yeah, 'cause you got crow's feet under your eyes, man. 328 00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:01,868 You specifically. 329 00:15:01,868 --> 00:15:04,637 We're actually just normal college age. 330 00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:06,306 I mean, even if you're a little older, that's cool, man, 331 00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:07,607 because, you know, girls here love older dudes. 332 00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:08,908 That's true. 333 00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,777 Plus, there's mad ****able girls here. 334 00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:12,712 Mad ****able. Especially during spring break. 335 00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:14,914 JENKO: I love spring break. But I do have to say, 336 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,416 I've ****ed a thousand girls by now 337 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,684 and I don't know, at the end of the day, 338 00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:18,952 you just kind of want something 339 00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:20,530 that's just a little deeper really. 340 00:15:20,530 --> 00:15:23,923 BOTH: Yeah, balls deeper. Jinx. Buy me a coke. 341 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:27,327 Oh, snap, we're still saying the same thing. This is amazing! 342 00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:30,263 Carrots. Pumpernickels. Glow sticks. Twins! 343 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,165 That's dope, dude. That's so sick. 344 00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:35,435 That's crazy. We have that brother connection, too. 345 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:36,803 You ready? Mmm-hmm. Yeah. 346 00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:38,505 Pirates! Baby feet! Paper clips! Bananas! 347 00:15:38,505 --> 00:15:40,473 Sun! Anger! I don't know! Words! 348 00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:41,708 Quicksand! Shoes! 349 00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:43,109 Boom! 350 00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:44,544 That's hip-hop, man. Awesome. 351 00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:45,545 That's great. 352 00:15:46,790 --> 00:15:48,480 It's gonna be super fun. 353 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:49,182 All right? Same as last time. 354 00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,520 Dude, if it's like last time, 355 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:53,920 you're gonna have an awesome time, and it's gonna suck for me. 356 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:55,588 No. You're gonna have an awesome time, too, 357 00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:57,157 because I'm gonna make sure of it. 358 00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:58,625 You took a bullet for me. 359 00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:01,194 That's right, I did, and it sucked, but I'd do it again. 360 00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:03,396 No way. It's my turn. I owe you a life debt. 361 00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:04,497 (SINGSONG) Co-ed bathrooms. 362 00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:06,299 What? Oh, shit. 363 00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:09,690 (WHISPERING) I'm not gonna take a shit 364 00:16:09,690 --> 00:16:09,936 the entire time I'm here. 365 00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:11,171 I know. 366 00:16:12,380 --> 00:16:13,606 Hey. How you doing? 367 00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:15,942 Hey. 368 00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:18,678 What's up? 'Sup? 369 00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:20,780 Just exhausted from inventing Facebook 370 00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:23,116 or whatever website people our age use. 371 00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:28,121 JENKO: They still have books? 372 00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:30,190 I thought they just put the books inside the computers. 373 00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:32,726 Yeah, I guess the kids just use the stacks to hide and have ***. 374 00:16:32,726 --> 00:16:34,728 So we'll go to all Cynthia's classes and activities, 375 00:16:34,728 --> 00:16:36,129 ask around about the drug 376 00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:37,764 and find out who the dealer is. 377 00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:39,320 Yeah, it's just like last time. 378 00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:40,900 Exactly like last time. 379 00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:42,680 Dude, in human ***uality, 380 00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:43,636 do you get to **** 381 00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:45,205 or do you just get to watch people ****? 382 00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:46,773 Neither. 383 00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:49,676 What the **** am I taking it for, then? 384 00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:54,981 Now, obviously, we've all heard this statement before, 385 00:16:57,170 --> 00:16:58,718 I've got a first impression for you. 386 00:16:58,718 --> 00:16:59,719 (CLEARS THROAT) 387 00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:03,560 (MIMICKING TRACY MORGAN) Oh, y'all like psychology? 388 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:04,391 Tracy Morgan. 389 00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:09,195 Nobody? 390 00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:12,632 (SOFTLY) Work hard, play hard, am I right? 391 00:17:17,771 --> 00:17:18,938 You looking for some whyphy? 392 00:17:18,938 --> 00:17:20,400 Yeah, man, that'd be sick. 393 00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:21,675 Go to the police station, 394 00:17:21,675 --> 00:17:23,443 walk in and ask your captain to see the evidence room 395 00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:24,611 'cause you're a ****ing narc. 396 00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:27,347 I think you're mistaken. 397 00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:29,315 (LAUGHS) You're literally wearing your badge. 398 00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:30,283 Did you really just check to see 399 00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:31,351 if you were wearing your badge? 400 00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:32,352 This guy's a ****ing cop. 401 00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:34,120 I didn't look down. 402 00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:40,360 Wait, Professor Jacobs, doesn't history happen a long time ago? 403 00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:42,195 Well, history happens... 404 00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:45,298 This class is such a gut. 405 00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:46,199 Hey, you guys play football? 406 00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:48,201 No, this is actually my laptop. 407 00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:49,469 Yeah, I'm taking notes right now. 408 00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:52,305 I'm kidding. It's a football. 409 00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:53,306 Mr. mcquaid? 410 00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:55,675 Covalent bonds. 411 00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:58,111 (EXHALES LOUDLY) 412 00:17:58,111 --> 00:18:02,415 What has been the result of the war on drugs? 413 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,584 Why would you ask me? I'm not a cop. 414 00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:07,587 Because this is a college seminar, 415 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:10,560 and that's how college seminars work. 416 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:13,626 Professor gets into a lively conversation with the student. 417 00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:16,763 Friction creates fire, and that leads to lessons learned. 418 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,310 Well, it's definitely harder to get drugs. 419 00:18:18,310 --> 00:18:19,599 I can personally tell you that. 420 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,568 The average price of cocaine 421 00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:24,537 has dropped 70% in the last 30 years. 422 00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:26,406 Then your dealer's probably selling you some pretty stepped-on shit. 423 00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:28,141 (STUDENTS LAUGHING) 424 00:18:28,141 --> 00:18:31,444 Mr. mcquaid, college is a wonderful place. 425 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:35,150 This is where you get to decide who you actually are, 426 00:18:35,150 --> 00:18:37,717 instead of the person that you're clearly pretending to be right now, 427 00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:40,153 which everyone sees through, by the way. 428 00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:43,656 You got to decide, do I just keep doing the same thing, 429 00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:46,920 or am I gonna choose a different path 430 00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:47,594 and question my convictions? 431 00:18:49,620 --> 00:18:50,697 I don't have any prior convictions. 432 00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,301 Why are you saying this stuff? 433 00:18:57,437 --> 00:19:00,440 That's exactly the answer I wanted, Mr. mcquaid! 434 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,876 I want you to question what I'm saying. 435 00:19:02,876 --> 00:19:05,211 This is the basis of this whole course, 436 00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:06,813 and that's the beauty of college. 437 00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:08,381 You can say whatever you want. 438 00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:10,500 You can be whatever you want. 439 00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:12,886 I mean, I have tenure. I can really say whatever I want. 440 00:19:16,423 --> 00:19:18,191 They can't fire me. I'm indestructible. 441 00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:19,459 (SMACKING LIPS) 442 00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:20,794 I'm sleeping with two of my students. 443 00:19:20,794 --> 00:19:22,620 Her and her. I actually am. 444 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:24,130 Now, just like you did before, 445 00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:27,734 I want you right now to say whatever you want. 446 00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:29,369 Say whatever you want. 447 00:19:29,636 --> 00:19:31,905 Fieto. 448 00:19:31,905 --> 00:19:35,175 Fieto, not a word, but I'm gonna accept it. 449 00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:38,144 You can do whatever you want with your life, Mr. mcquaid. 450 00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:40,113 The only way you can fail this class 451 00:19:40,113 --> 00:19:42,515 is by not becoming who you truly are. 452 00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:44,784 Please respond to my text. 453 00:19:48,210 --> 00:19:50,790 MALE STUDENT: Okay, we got time for just one more improve game. 454 00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:52,792 For this one, we need a ton of different suggestions. 455 00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:55,280 So, we just need you guys to fill in the blank 456 00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:56,629 in a sentence that we're gonna set up. 457 00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:59,366 So it'll go like this. Oh, I'm so hungry, I wish I had a... 458 00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:01,334 Tampon! Okay, but we want... 459 00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:02,702 We want it to be actual food 460 00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,137 so that it, like, makes sense with the game. 461 00:20:04,137 --> 00:20:07,730 It's more fun that way. So, uh, let's try it one more time. 462 00:20:07,730 --> 00:20:09,109 Oh, I've got to get home so I can feed my... 463 00:20:09,109 --> 00:20:10,643 Boner! 464 00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:11,945 You know what? Let's just play the game, okay? 465 00:20:11,945 --> 00:20:14,381 GIRL: All right, so what would you... 466 00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:15,849 Hey, that girl's in my psych class. 467 00:20:15,849 --> 00:20:17,250 Damn, she's hot. Go talk to her. 468 00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:18,752 You come talk to her with me. 469 00:20:18,752 --> 00:20:21,454 Stop being a ***** and go talk to her. Go. 470 00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:22,756 All right, all right. 471 00:20:22,756 --> 00:20:24,824 Coming to the stage, we got... 472 00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:28,962 J. Bohnes, aka... 473 00:20:28,962 --> 00:20:31,640 Hey. Hi. 474 00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:32,532 I think we're in the same psych class. 475 00:20:33,990 --> 00:20:34,634 Oh, yeah. Hi. 476 00:20:35,135 --> 00:20:36,236 Yeah. 477 00:20:37,303 --> 00:20:41,107 Pills! Pills! Bills! Pills! 478 00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:44,611 Bills! A sign of the times that rhymes 479 00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:46,479 Amanda Bynes 480 00:20:48,982 --> 00:20:50,950 You guys are the improve guys, right? Yeah. 481 00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:52,352 That's cool. 482 00:20:52,352 --> 00:20:54,154 You're the guy with the terrible suggestions. 483 00:20:54,154 --> 00:20:56,856 Yeah, yeah. You're welcome, man. Yeah. 484 00:20:56,856 --> 00:21:00,160 Thanks, guys. Um, lady J is gonna be up next for you. 485 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,562 Cynthia, that girl who died, 486 00:21:02,562 --> 00:21:03,763 she used to come here all the time, right? 487 00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:04,998 Mmm. 488 00:21:04,998 --> 00:21:07,801 This piece is called areolas. 489 00:21:07,801 --> 00:21:10,270 Did you know her? 490 00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:12,238 Yeah, she lived across the hall from me. 491 00:21:12,238 --> 00:21:13,673 Yeah? So why do you care so much? 492 00:21:14,274 --> 00:21:16,276 I'm... I'm writing a... 493 00:21:17,770 --> 00:21:18,511 Greedy man hands! 494 00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:21,810 ...a slam poem in her honor. 495 00:21:21,810 --> 00:21:22,682 Early stages, very early stages. 496 00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:23,983 Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. 497 00:21:23,983 --> 00:21:25,485 Wouldn't it be better 498 00:21:25,485 --> 00:21:27,530 just to, like, plan the stuff out ahead of time, 499 00:21:27,530 --> 00:21:30,724 and then not say it in front of people and embarrass yourself? 500 00:21:30,724 --> 00:21:34,160 That's a thing that people do. That's stand-up comedy. 501 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:35,295 That's probably what you should do, 502 00:21:37,697 --> 00:21:41,368 Okay, does anybody have anything they want to share? 503 00:21:41,368 --> 00:21:42,702 Let's see what you got. 504 00:21:42,702 --> 00:21:44,337 Any more poets in the audience? 505 00:21:44,337 --> 00:21:45,739 I... I mean, do you really do poetry? 506 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:47,741 I do, and I will. 507 00:21:47,741 --> 00:21:49,109 I got somebody. What? 508 00:21:49,109 --> 00:21:51,911 Okay, we got somebody. All right, give it up, guys. 509 00:21:51,911 --> 00:21:53,313 Yeah! Okay. 510 00:21:53,313 --> 00:21:54,581 Just go up there. All right, okay. 511 00:21:54,581 --> 00:21:55,749 Okay. No pressure. 512 00:21:55,749 --> 00:21:56,783 You'll see, it's good. Yeah! 513 00:21:59,486 --> 00:22:00,754 (LAUGHS) 514 00:22:02,455 --> 00:22:03,623 Um... 515 00:22:05,258 --> 00:22:07,694 This is a work in progress. 516 00:22:09,763 --> 00:22:10,764 So, uh... 517 00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:17,504 Slam poetry! 518 00:22:18,204 --> 00:22:19,406 Yelling! 519 00:22:20,106 --> 00:22:21,107 Angry! 520 00:22:22,308 --> 00:22:25,712 Waving my hands a lot! 521 00:22:25,712 --> 00:22:27,914 Specific point of view on things 522 00:22:28,948 --> 00:22:29,949 Cynthia! 523 00:22:30,617 --> 00:22:33,420 (ENUNCIATING) Cynthia 524 00:22:33,420 --> 00:22:36,656 Jesus died for our sin-thee-uhs 525 00:22:37,257 --> 00:22:38,558 Jesus cried 526 00:22:39,159 --> 00:22:40,527 runaway bride 527 00:22:41,594 --> 00:22:43,630 Julia Roberts! 528 00:22:43,897 --> 00:22:45,699 Julia rob 529 00:22:46,466 --> 00:22:47,467 hurts 530 00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:49,436 (LAUGHING) 531 00:22:49,436 --> 00:22:50,904 Cynthia! 532 00:22:51,304 --> 00:22:53,730 (GROANS) 533 00:22:53,730 --> 00:22:55,175 Cynthia 534 00:22:55,175 --> 00:22:56,876 you're dead you are dead 535 00:22:57,444 --> 00:22:59,946 (SCATTING) 536 00:23:01,214 --> 00:23:02,215 You're dead 537 00:23:03,683 --> 00:23:06,860 that's for Cynthia, who's dead. 538 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:08,755 (ALL APPLAUDING) 539 00:23:11,958 --> 00:23:12,959 Whoo! 540 00:23:19,399 --> 00:23:21,134 I don't have a single lead. 541 00:23:21,134 --> 00:23:23,970 I do. I hear you can get whyphy on campus anywhere 24/7. 542 00:23:26,172 --> 00:23:27,841 Do you think they mean whyphy the drug 543 00:23:27,841 --> 00:23:28,875 or WI-Fi like the Internet? 544 00:23:30,276 --> 00:23:31,811 What... 545 00:23:33,179 --> 00:23:35,281 **** you, brain. 546 00:23:35,281 --> 00:23:38,451 How did we find the dealers so easy the first time? 547 00:23:38,451 --> 00:23:39,953 Well, his number was literally on a sticker. 548 00:23:39,953 --> 00:23:41,955 Well, let's go find this guy's sticker. 549 00:23:41,955 --> 00:23:43,723 I don't think this guy does stickers. 550 00:23:43,723 --> 00:23:46,659 Well, we need help. We need to consult an expert. 551 00:23:53,133 --> 00:23:56,690 (LAUGHING) 552 00:23:56,690 --> 00:23:58,471 If it isn't Turner and hooch, in the flesh. 553 00:23:58,471 --> 00:24:00,940 Holy shit, you are looking fit. 554 00:24:00,940 --> 00:24:02,409 (GRUNTS) 555 00:24:02,409 --> 00:24:05,378 Hey, you should get some tips from this guy. 556 00:24:05,378 --> 00:24:08,114 He's looking good. Look at those pectoral muscles. 557 00:24:08,114 --> 00:24:10,183 That's the kind of definition I want out of you, man. 558 00:24:10,183 --> 00:24:12,180 What's up, Eric? Hey. 559 00:24:12,180 --> 00:24:14,587 Mr. Walters, we should, um... 560 00:24:14,587 --> 00:24:16,122 Or I should apologize for, uh... 561 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:21,428 Yeah. Yeah. 562 00:24:25,331 --> 00:24:26,733 Look, they sent us in undercover at a college 563 00:24:26,733 --> 00:24:28,368 to find the dealer of this new synthetic, 564 00:24:28,368 --> 00:24:30,403 and no one will tell us anything. 565 00:24:30,403 --> 00:24:32,672 That's 'cause you guys look like ****ing narcs, all right? 566 00:24:32,672 --> 00:24:34,274 College kids aren't dumb like Eric. 567 00:24:34,274 --> 00:24:35,909 I was supposed to go to Berkeley. 568 00:24:35,909 --> 00:24:38,645 Well, they gave us a picture, so we do have that. 569 00:24:38,645 --> 00:24:39,813 Well, that's your lead, mother****er! 570 00:24:39,813 --> 00:24:41,715 That's what you start with. 571 00:24:41,715 --> 00:24:43,683 I know, but we can't see his face, so we don't know who it is. 572 00:24:43,683 --> 00:24:45,719 We don't know who it is. 573 00:24:45,719 --> 00:24:47,787 I'm Schmidt. My pants are filled with doody. 574 00:24:47,787 --> 00:24:49,856 (GROANS) That's you. 575 00:24:49,856 --> 00:24:51,257 That doesn't sound anything like me. 576 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:53,660 You sort of sound like that. 577 00:24:53,660 --> 00:24:54,828 That doesn't sound anything like me. 578 00:24:54,828 --> 00:24:55,895 That doesn't sound anything like me. 579 00:24:55,895 --> 00:24:57,330 It's not not you. 580 00:24:57,330 --> 00:25:01,301 Eric! Close your eyes and tell me who's talking right now. 581 00:25:01,301 --> 00:25:03,360 (BABBLING) 582 00:25:03,360 --> 00:25:05,380 That's Schmidt being a little *****. 583 00:25:05,380 --> 00:25:06,606 That's just not a good impression. 584 00:25:06,606 --> 00:25:07,807 WALTERS: Whoa! 585 00:25:07,807 --> 00:25:09,743 Nice job, super sleuths. 586 00:25:09,743 --> 00:25:11,440 Did you even bother to look at the ****ing picture? 587 00:25:11,544 --> 00:25:13,790 Yeah. Huh? 588 00:25:13,790 --> 00:25:14,347 There's a reflection right here. 589 00:25:15,882 --> 00:25:18,510 Your ****ing guy's got a tattoo. 590 00:25:18,510 --> 00:25:21,621 Find the tattoo, find the dealer. 591 00:25:21,621 --> 00:25:25,792 ****, man, I don't know. I do a lot of stupid tattoos to drunk kids. 592 00:25:25,792 --> 00:25:27,127 Do you remember that stupid tattoo? 593 00:25:27,127 --> 00:25:28,995 TATTOO ARTIST: A bazooka? 594 00:25:28,995 --> 00:25:32,599 Think I might have did it on a football player. 595 00:25:32,599 --> 00:25:33,967 Guy with a red Mohawk. I don't know. 596 00:25:33,967 --> 00:25:35,835 They all start to look the same to me. 597 00:25:35,835 --> 00:25:37,671 I think I know exactly who he's talking about. 598 00:25:38,605 --> 00:25:39,906 (GRUNTING) 599 00:25:40,507 --> 00:25:42,442 **** you! 600 00:25:42,442 --> 00:25:45,450 **** you, you little walk-on ****! 601 00:25:45,450 --> 00:25:46,846 I can't, like, move around in these things. 602 00:25:46,846 --> 00:25:48,515 ROOSTER: God, I love walk-on day! 603 00:25:48,515 --> 00:25:49,516 (WHISPERS) ****, yeah. 604 00:25:52,850 --> 00:25:53,553 That's a weird time to be q-tipping. 605 00:25:56,389 --> 00:25:58,324 Dude, you don't have to do this. What? 606 00:25:58,324 --> 00:25:59,893 I just don't want you to get hurt. I'm not gonna get... 607 00:25:59,893 --> 00:26:01,270 Whoops. (GRUNTS) 608 00:26:01,270 --> 00:26:02,328 Shit. Whoa. 609 00:26:02,328 --> 00:26:03,897 Dude, I am so sorry. 610 00:26:03,897 --> 00:26:04,998 It's all right, man. Don't worry about it, man. 611 00:26:04,998 --> 00:26:06,466 Are you sure? All right... Yeah. Ow. 612 00:26:06,466 --> 00:26:08,535 Shit. I got it. 613 00:26:08,535 --> 00:26:09,769 Okay, I got it, I got it. 614 00:26:09,769 --> 00:26:11,371 Ow! That's fine. 615 00:26:11,371 --> 00:26:12,939 I'll get it. No, no, let me get it, let me get it. 616 00:26:12,939 --> 00:26:14,341 No, I got it. Let me just get it. No, let me get it. 617 00:26:14,341 --> 00:26:16,376 I got it, I got it. Let's just... 618 00:26:16,376 --> 00:26:19,112 Dude, I'm sorry. I got my q-tip in your meat, bro. 619 00:26:19,112 --> 00:26:21,114 No, man, I got my... I got my meat in your q-tip. 620 00:26:21,114 --> 00:26:23,383 It's like a whole new type of sandwich. 621 00:26:23,383 --> 00:26:25,352 Like, a meat q-tip. (CHUCKLES) 622 00:26:25,352 --> 00:26:26,353 Like a meat-qute. 623 00:26:26,820 --> 00:26:28,121 (BOTH GIGGLING) 624 00:26:28,788 --> 00:26:30,190 That's funny. 625 00:26:30,190 --> 00:26:31,791 Hey, you guys want some of this sandwich? 626 00:26:31,791 --> 00:26:33,193 It's a meat-qute sandwich. 627 00:26:33,193 --> 00:26:35,462 Me and this guy are having a meat-qute. (LAUGHING) 628 00:26:37,330 --> 00:26:39,990 You're hilarious, dude. What's your name? 629 00:26:39,990 --> 00:26:41,134 Brad. Wait... Brad. 630 00:26:41,134 --> 00:26:42,469 Uh, yeah, yeah, it's Brad. 631 00:26:42,469 --> 00:26:43,903 I'm Zook. Nice to meet you. Zook. 632 00:26:43,903 --> 00:26:45,872 Nice to meet you, too, man. 633 00:26:46,673 --> 00:26:47,874 ZOOK: Blue 20! 634 00:26:49,309 --> 00:26:50,477 Blue 20! 635 00:26:51,311 --> 00:26:52,445 Set, hut! 636 00:26:53,713 --> 00:26:55,382 ♪ ♪ 637 00:27:08,461 --> 00:27:09,462 (LAUGHS) 638 00:27:14,667 --> 00:27:15,669 You love walk-on day now? 639 00:27:16,269 --> 00:27:17,270 (GROANS) 640 00:27:19,706 --> 00:27:21,741 Your arm all right? You want to take that sleeve off? 641 00:27:23,276 --> 00:27:24,444 No, I'm good. 642 00:27:26,379 --> 00:27:28,748 Dude, holy shit, bro. Great ****ing catch, dude. 643 00:27:28,748 --> 00:27:32,519 If you see that safety line up that deep, though, hit me quicker. 644 00:27:32,519 --> 00:27:34,421 Oh, yeah, I didn't know you had wheels like that, bro. 645 00:27:34,421 --> 00:27:36,122 It's funny, 'cause he's my brother. So... 646 00:27:36,690 --> 00:27:38,258 Um... 647 00:27:38,258 --> 00:27:41,995 Hey, uh, you know, we have this rush party at zeta. 648 00:27:41,995 --> 00:27:44,864 But I thought, you know, you could come by and meet the guys. 649 00:27:44,864 --> 00:27:46,366 It'd be really fun, I think. 650 00:27:46,366 --> 00:27:47,500 Great. Yeah, maybe we will. 651 00:27:49,350 --> 00:27:50,670 Are you guys, like, together? 652 00:27:50,670 --> 00:27:52,572 Yeah. Yeah, this is my bro. 653 00:27:52,572 --> 00:27:55,108 (LAUGHING) That's... Funny, dude. You're funny. 654 00:27:55,575 --> 00:27:57,770 Oh. 655 00:27:57,770 --> 00:27:58,778 Uh, really? Wow. Um, okay. 656 00:27:58,778 --> 00:28:00,547 Yeah, man, sure. You, too, you can come, too. 657 00:28:00,547 --> 00:28:01,981 We'll see what we can do. 658 00:28:01,981 --> 00:28:03,116 Also, I said a bunch of stuff earlier 659 00:28:03,116 --> 00:28:04,250 that you didn't acknowledge... 660 00:28:04,250 --> 00:28:06,119 Great catch. Cool, yeah. 661 00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:07,220 See you then. So you won't address that? 662 00:28:07,220 --> 00:28:08,688 What the ****'s up with that guy? 663 00:28:08,688 --> 00:28:10,590 All we have to do now is rush the frat long enough 664 00:28:10,590 --> 00:28:13,360 to confirm that rooster has that bazooka tattoo. 665 00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:15,428 Look, man, do you think it's cool if you come? 666 00:28:15,428 --> 00:28:17,597 'Cause, I mean, he kind of really just asked me. 667 00:28:17,597 --> 00:28:18,665 I just don't want to start off 668 00:28:18,665 --> 00:28:19,366 on the wrong foot with this guy. 669 00:28:19,833 --> 00:28:21,701 (LAUGHS) 670 00:28:21,701 --> 00:28:24,270 Dude, you're tripping. We do everything together. 671 00:28:24,270 --> 00:28:25,905 You should lose the puka shells, though. 672 00:28:25,905 --> 00:28:28,274 Things are different since you didn't go to college. 673 00:28:28,274 --> 00:28:29,743 (MUSIC PLAYING) 674 00:28:29,743 --> 00:28:31,411 Yo, Brad! What's up, dude? 675 00:28:32,379 --> 00:28:33,780 Same puka, dude. 676 00:28:33,780 --> 00:28:35,810 You got the same... Puka bros. 677 00:28:35,810 --> 00:28:36,316 ZOOK: Holy shit! (BOTH LAUGHING) 678 00:28:37,417 --> 00:28:38,518 Look at him, it's, like, all the same. 679 00:28:38,518 --> 00:28:40,200 Dude, you wear pants, too? 680 00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:42,880 What? Bros, man. Dude. 681 00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:43,690 I knew we were gonna be connected, just like that. 682 00:28:45,158 --> 00:28:45,959 and get married, right, rooster? 683 00:28:45,959 --> 00:28:47,994 Rooster. What's up, bro? 684 00:28:47,994 --> 00:28:49,496 You look good, man. 685 00:28:49,496 --> 00:28:50,830 What's up, rooster? 686 00:28:50,830 --> 00:28:52,499 How you doing, man? Digging the puka. 687 00:28:52,499 --> 00:28:53,833 Thanks, dude. I can't believe it's the same... 688 00:28:53,833 --> 00:28:55,135 How you doing, rooster? 689 00:28:55,135 --> 00:28:56,269 Rooster is getting some pop. 690 00:28:56,269 --> 00:28:57,504 Why don't you go check him out? 691 00:29:01,541 --> 00:29:02,609 JENKO: You in the zone, bro? ZOOK: In the ****ing zone, dude. 692 00:29:03,443 --> 00:29:04,444 (IMITATING EXPLOSIONS) 693 00:29:07,614 --> 00:29:09,150 Hey. What's up? 694 00:29:09,783 --> 00:29:10,984 What's up? I'm rooster. 695 00:29:10,984 --> 00:29:12,819 Oh, yeah, no. 696 00:29:12,819 --> 00:29:14,154 We've met before. 697 00:29:14,154 --> 00:29:15,588 Oh, really? I don't remember that at all. 698 00:29:15,588 --> 00:29:17,524 You must just have a really plain face. 699 00:29:17,524 --> 00:29:19,325 Yeah. They call me ol' plain face. 700 00:29:20,260 --> 00:29:21,628 They call you that? 701 00:29:21,628 --> 00:29:24,664 So, do you have any body art or, like, any ink I could see? 702 00:29:24,664 --> 00:29:26,666 That's a pretty random question. 703 00:29:26,666 --> 00:29:29,135 Hey, anyway, it was so nice chatting with you, man. 704 00:29:29,135 --> 00:29:30,470 Nice to meet you, man. 705 00:29:30,470 --> 00:29:31,504 Yo, what the ****, bro? 706 00:29:31,504 --> 00:29:32,706 Yo, what the **** are you doing, dude? 707 00:29:32,706 --> 00:29:33,740 You serious right now? You... 708 00:29:33,740 --> 00:29:35,108 You're being weird. 709 00:29:36,443 --> 00:29:37,444 You've been weird. 710 00:29:39,145 --> 00:29:41,748 JENKO: It was just like, what am I hearing? 711 00:29:41,748 --> 00:29:42,982 What am I hearing right now? 712 00:29:42,982 --> 00:29:43,983 And the psychic told you that? 713 00:29:43,983 --> 00:29:45,585 Yo. That is so crazy, dude. 714 00:29:45,585 --> 00:29:47,253 Hey, dude, you want to go see the roof? 715 00:29:47,253 --> 00:29:48,621 **** yeah, I want to see the roof, dude. 716 00:29:48,621 --> 00:29:50,290 Come on, let's go, let's go. Come on. 717 00:29:50,290 --> 00:29:52,258 Come on to the roof, come on to the roof. Let's go. 718 00:29:56,596 --> 00:29:58,298 JENKO: Come on, you can do it. Come on, come on, come on! 719 00:29:58,298 --> 00:29:59,399 (LAUGHING) 720 00:30:01,670 --> 00:30:03,536 I miss climbing so much. Come on, let's go. Come on. 721 00:30:03,536 --> 00:30:04,604 All right, uh... 722 00:30:09,743 --> 00:30:11,144 One more time. 723 00:30:11,144 --> 00:30:13,790 I'm just gonna go home. 724 00:30:13,790 --> 00:30:14,347 I don't know parkour, so... 725 00:30:15,515 --> 00:30:16,516 All right. 726 00:30:21,554 --> 00:30:23,890 Hey, Maya Angelou! 727 00:30:23,590 --> 00:30:25,250 (LAUGHS) 728 00:30:25,250 --> 00:30:27,560 Poetry, okay. I got it. (CHUCKLES) 729 00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:28,728 Make fun of the poetry major. 730 00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:31,598 So, I guess you have no interest 731 00:30:31,598 --> 00:30:33,233 in having a real job in the future. 732 00:30:33,233 --> 00:30:35,435 Absolutely not. No, right? 733 00:30:35,435 --> 00:30:37,837 (BOTH LAUGH) What about you? 734 00:30:37,837 --> 00:30:40,206 Um, I'm an art major. 735 00:30:40,206 --> 00:30:43,309 Okay. So you definitely cannot talk any shit, 'cause... 736 00:30:43,309 --> 00:30:45,345 No, I can't. I cannot. 737 00:30:45,345 --> 00:30:46,246 ...you're never gonna make any money. (LAUGHS) 738 00:30:46,246 --> 00:30:48,248 I'm never gonna make any money, 739 00:30:48,248 --> 00:30:50,183 so don't tell my parents, but... 740 00:30:50,183 --> 00:30:51,384 When I talk to your parents tonight, 741 00:30:51,384 --> 00:30:53,219 I will not tell them about your major. 742 00:30:53,219 --> 00:30:54,821 Okay, thank you. You're welcome. 743 00:30:54,821 --> 00:30:56,256 All right, art major. 744 00:30:57,900 --> 00:30:59,250 What do you think about that? 745 00:31:00,994 --> 00:31:03,730 Um, I would say that 746 00:31:05,165 --> 00:31:08,134 it's these two beings 747 00:31:08,134 --> 00:31:11,400 leaning up against each other in perfect balance. 748 00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:13,673 If one were to fall, they would just lose each other. 749 00:31:14,641 --> 00:31:16,743 So it's just about support. 750 00:31:18,945 --> 00:31:21,548 You can't admit that it looks exactly like testicles? 751 00:31:23,316 --> 00:31:25,185 (LAUGHING) That's exactly what it looks like. 752 00:31:28,288 --> 00:31:30,957 So, is there someone who supports you? 753 00:31:30,957 --> 00:31:32,459 No, I'm just one of those people 754 00:31:32,459 --> 00:31:34,627 that really likes to spend time with myself. 755 00:31:35,729 --> 00:31:38,980 Tell me about it. 756 00:31:38,980 --> 00:31:41,434 I love to be alone. I am, like, the best at it. 757 00:31:41,434 --> 00:31:44,437 I just love when you're sitting there in a room, 758 00:31:44,437 --> 00:31:46,390 and you're just there with your thoughts, 759 00:31:46,390 --> 00:31:48,108 and you're like, oh, my gosh, I'm alone. 760 00:31:48,108 --> 00:31:49,909 Would anyone ever love me? Or whatever. 761 00:31:49,909 --> 00:31:52,679 And, like, do I know anyone who would care 762 00:31:52,679 --> 00:31:54,781 if I just ever came out of this room or not? 763 00:31:54,781 --> 00:31:56,416 Or whatever and, like... 764 00:31:56,416 --> 00:31:57,584 I don't know. It's just peaceful. I just like it. 765 00:31:57,584 --> 00:31:59,219 Yeah. 766 00:31:59,219 --> 00:32:01,154 Well, if you don't want to be alone tonight, 767 00:32:01,154 --> 00:32:02,922 we are gonna go hang out at the art building, 768 00:32:03,230 --> 00:32:04,591 if you want to come. 769 00:32:05,158 --> 00:32:06,626 Okay, okay. 770 00:32:07,794 --> 00:32:09,696 Okay. Okay. 771 00:32:09,696 --> 00:32:11,598 (MUSIC PLAYING) 772 00:32:11,598 --> 00:32:12,799 (CHEERING) 773 00:32:16,169 --> 00:32:18,171 I expected tonight would go in a way that you wouldn't expect, 774 00:32:18,171 --> 00:32:19,572 but what I didn't expect was tonight would go 775 00:32:19,572 --> 00:32:21,508 in the exact way that you would expect. 776 00:32:21,508 --> 00:32:24,477 You know what I mean? Totally. 777 00:32:24,477 --> 00:32:26,312 So you guys hang out here a lot? 778 00:32:26,312 --> 00:32:28,782 Yeah. I mean, we're not into the whole frat party kind of stuff. 779 00:32:28,782 --> 00:32:30,517 We like to sit around, just drink some good wine 780 00:32:30,517 --> 00:32:32,519 and talk about some important stuff. 781 00:32:32,519 --> 00:32:36,623 Banging *****es and getting wasted all ****ing day. 782 00:32:36,623 --> 00:32:38,725 Those are, like, two of my favorite things to do. 783 00:32:38,725 --> 00:32:41,361 You are, like, a slightly less attractive version of... 784 00:32:41,361 --> 00:32:42,529 Picasso? Picasso. 785 00:32:42,529 --> 00:32:43,596 Right? I've been told that before. 786 00:32:43,596 --> 00:32:44,597 You read my mind. 787 00:32:46,132 --> 00:32:47,167 (LAUGHING) What? 788 00:32:47,901 --> 00:32:49,102 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 789 00:32:54,741 --> 00:32:55,842 (ALL CHEERING) 790 00:33:04,584 --> 00:33:06,386 (SIGHS) 791 00:33:06,386 --> 00:33:08,321 Oh, that's Cynthia Watson's room. 792 00:33:09,550 --> 00:33:10,590 Oh. 793 00:33:10,590 --> 00:33:14,127 It's only 2:00. I thought it was late. Do you want to come in? 794 00:33:14,127 --> 00:33:17,397 It's only 2:00? I usually go to dinner at, like, 2:00 A.M., so... 795 00:33:17,397 --> 00:33:18,898 Sure, yeah, why not? 796 00:33:22,268 --> 00:33:24,838 ROOSTER: I'm gonna do it. I just got to get it at the right angle. 797 00:33:24,938 --> 00:33:26,439 (GROANS) 798 00:33:26,439 --> 00:33:28,341 Dude, stop. Rooster: Stupid ****ing goalpost! 799 00:33:28,341 --> 00:33:30,777 It's impossible. You can't ****ing do it. 800 00:33:30,777 --> 00:33:32,912 The fans used to rush the field 801 00:33:32,912 --> 00:33:34,547 after every win and tear down the goalposts, 802 00:33:34,547 --> 00:33:37,117 and coach hated it. And so he cemented them in. 803 00:33:37,117 --> 00:33:38,518 They storm the field, and still do it, 804 00:33:38,518 --> 00:33:40,286 but they just bounce around. 805 00:33:40,286 --> 00:33:41,621 ROOSTER: **** this goalpost, bro! 806 00:33:41,621 --> 00:33:42,922 You guys might want to hold on, 807 00:33:42,922 --> 00:33:45,492 'cause this shit is coming down. 808 00:33:45,959 --> 00:33:47,494 (BELLOWING) 809 00:33:49,596 --> 00:33:52,599 Yo, what is that? The tattoo, what's that right there? 810 00:33:52,599 --> 00:33:54,134 Oh. Oh, this? Mmm-hmm. 811 00:33:54,134 --> 00:33:57,771 It's my old high school team. The plainview red herrings. 812 00:33:57,771 --> 00:33:58,772 Look at it swim. 813 00:34:00,407 --> 00:34:02,742 Shit. What? 814 00:34:02,742 --> 00:34:04,644 Shit, that's a really outside-of-the-box 815 00:34:05,779 --> 00:34:06,780 high school mascot. 816 00:34:06,980 --> 00:34:08,448 Hold on, guys. 817 00:34:11,518 --> 00:34:13,820 ZOOK: Hey, why don't you come to practice today? 818 00:34:13,820 --> 00:34:16,220 I mean, you're obviously good enough to play on the team. 819 00:34:16,923 --> 00:34:18,825 Look, I'm not supposed to be here to play football. 820 00:34:18,825 --> 00:34:20,527 What? 821 00:34:20,527 --> 00:34:22,529 I'm just here to do my assignments 822 00:34:22,529 --> 00:34:24,431 and get out, that's it. 823 00:34:24,431 --> 00:34:26,833 I mean, yeah, school's important or whatever, 824 00:34:26,833 --> 00:34:29,769 but when I was throwing you those passes, 825 00:34:29,769 --> 00:34:32,272 it was like I knew where you were gonna be before you went there. 826 00:34:33,273 --> 00:34:35,408 You know, I had this, like, vision of me 827 00:34:35,408 --> 00:34:38,611 throwing bullet tds to you, dude, 828 00:34:38,611 --> 00:34:40,980 and then all these fans just started going, like... 829 00:34:40,980 --> 00:34:42,382 (QUIET SCREAMING) 830 00:34:42,382 --> 00:34:44,384 Zook! Mcquaid! Zook! Mcquaid! 831 00:34:44,384 --> 00:34:46,419 And they were chanting and chanting, 832 00:34:46,419 --> 00:34:48,355 and then the goalposts came down. 833 00:34:48,855 --> 00:34:50,957 Dude? 834 00:34:50,957 --> 00:34:53,893 I have had that exact vision, like, my entire life. 835 00:34:55,161 --> 00:34:57,163 Dude. Dude. 836 00:34:57,163 --> 00:34:58,865 Bro? Bro. 837 00:34:58,865 --> 00:35:00,433 Dude. Bro. 838 00:35:00,433 --> 00:35:01,434 BOTH: Dude. 839 00:35:02,769 --> 00:35:04,571 Like, well, we ****ing can, bro. 840 00:35:04,571 --> 00:35:05,905 All you gotta do is join the team. 841 00:35:09,476 --> 00:35:10,910 Yeah. Why not? 842 00:35:10,910 --> 00:35:12,345 Yes! 843 00:35:12,345 --> 00:35:14,514 **** yeah, dude. **** yeah, dude. 844 00:35:15,382 --> 00:35:16,549 What's that? 845 00:35:16,549 --> 00:35:17,517 My tattoo. 846 00:35:17,517 --> 00:35:19,319 Yeah, ****, look. 847 00:35:19,319 --> 00:35:22,455 Look, it's me, Zook. 848 00:35:22,455 --> 00:35:25,358 Got a ****ing bazooka for an arm. Know what I mean? 849 00:35:25,358 --> 00:35:26,526 (IMITATES EXPLOSION) 850 00:35:27,227 --> 00:35:28,395 (SIGHS) 851 00:35:30,630 --> 00:35:31,531 Dude, I'm so ****ing pumped 852 00:35:31,531 --> 00:35:32,932 you're gonna be on this ****ing team, bro. 853 00:35:32,932 --> 00:35:33,967 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 854 00:35:33,967 --> 00:35:34,968 Yep. 855 00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:41,741 What's up with it? 856 00:35:41,741 --> 00:35:42,842 (SNORTS) 857 00:35:42,842 --> 00:35:43,910 How you doing? 858 00:35:43,910 --> 00:35:45,278 Hi. Good. 859 00:35:45,945 --> 00:35:47,514 How was the, um... 860 00:35:47,514 --> 00:35:49,449 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 861 00:35:49,449 --> 00:35:50,784 How was the *** for you? 862 00:35:50,784 --> 00:35:53,190 It was fun for me. It was a good time. 863 00:35:54,254 --> 00:35:55,355 Yeah, right. 864 00:35:55,355 --> 00:35:56,289 I enjoyed it. 865 00:35:56,289 --> 00:35:57,490 Yeah. 866 00:35:58,658 --> 00:35:59,759 This is why I don't drink. 867 00:36:00,527 --> 00:36:01,561 Oh. 868 00:36:01,561 --> 00:36:03,363 Hey. How you doing? 869 00:36:03,363 --> 00:36:05,398 I'm fine. 870 00:36:05,398 --> 00:36:07,867 I mean, I'm not listening to you guys fornicate all night long. 871 00:36:07,867 --> 00:36:08,968 Thrusting and pumping. 872 00:36:08,968 --> 00:36:10,670 Okay. 873 00:36:10,670 --> 00:36:12,906 I thought your hip popped out at one point. 874 00:36:12,906 --> 00:36:14,741 I'm just saying, it's, like, all fun and games, 875 00:36:14,741 --> 00:36:17,100 and then you wake up in bed next to a 40-year-old freshman. 876 00:36:17,477 --> 00:36:19,479 I'm 19, so... 877 00:36:19,479 --> 00:36:22,115 Nineteen minutes late to pinochle, 878 00:36:22,115 --> 00:36:23,717 where you're meeting your old friends in the park? 879 00:36:23,717 --> 00:36:25,485 Yeah, that's what I meant. 880 00:36:25,485 --> 00:36:27,200 Oh, my gosh, Maya, look at him. 881 00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:29,389 He's still so sharp. That's so inspiring. 882 00:36:29,389 --> 00:36:32,125 Tell us about the war, any one of them. 883 00:36:32,125 --> 00:36:34,561 You're, like, the loudest climaxer I've ever heard. 884 00:36:34,561 --> 00:36:37,731 It was, like, the sound of, like, a 30-year-old sprinkler 885 00:36:37,731 --> 00:36:40,133 finally going off for the first time. 886 00:36:40,133 --> 00:36:44,504 Okay, well, so lovely talking with you. (SIGHS) 887 00:36:44,504 --> 00:36:45,972 You're a lovely person. Hmm. 888 00:36:47,700 --> 00:36:48,875 Nice to meet you. 889 00:36:48,875 --> 00:36:50,877 (DOOR OPENS) (WHISPERING) Oh, my God. 890 00:36:50,877 --> 00:36:52,579 She seems nice. (DOOR CLOSES) 891 00:36:52,579 --> 00:36:54,140 She's horrible. 892 00:36:55,181 --> 00:36:56,383 God. 893 00:36:56,383 --> 00:36:58,840 She was Cynthia's roommate, 894 00:36:58,840 --> 00:36:59,519 and I felt bad for her, so I told her I would room with her. 895 00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:01,121 So... 896 00:37:03,556 --> 00:37:05,458 So you probably have a bunch of stuff 897 00:37:05,458 --> 00:37:06,493 that you have to do today. 898 00:37:07,193 --> 00:37:08,361 Right? No. 899 00:37:08,361 --> 00:37:10,597 Oh. Okay. 900 00:37:10,597 --> 00:37:11,998 Look, I just want you to know 901 00:37:11,998 --> 00:37:15,535 I'm not, like, a hit it and quit it type of fella. 902 00:37:15,535 --> 00:37:17,170 I'm, like, a hit it, 903 00:37:17,170 --> 00:37:21,241 continue to hit it both physically and emotionally kind of guy, so... 904 00:37:21,241 --> 00:37:23,476 Hey, Doug, you're not gonna be weird about this, are you? 905 00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:25,512 No. 906 00:37:25,512 --> 00:37:26,880 I mean, you're cool with just hooking up? 907 00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:29,883 Yeah. I mean, no. I mean, I'm glad you said something. 908 00:37:29,883 --> 00:37:31,317 'Cause I don't even know if I like you when I'm sober. 909 00:37:31,317 --> 00:37:32,585 No, I know, and it's like, 910 00:37:32,585 --> 00:37:34,320 that doesn't even hurt, like, at all. 911 00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:37,570 Okay, so, um... 912 00:37:37,570 --> 00:37:39,559 I'm gonna... I'm gonna split. I'll text you later. 913 00:37:40,694 --> 00:37:44,640 Great, that was great ***. You're good at it. 914 00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:45,465 And I'll text you, three to five minutes or something? 915 00:37:45,465 --> 00:37:46,399 (DOOR OPENS) All right. 916 00:37:46,399 --> 00:37:47,801 ♪ ♪ 917 00:38:06,753 --> 00:38:07,787 what the **** is this? 918 00:38:09,155 --> 00:38:11,291 This is bullshit. 919 00:38:11,291 --> 00:38:13,426 Are you two ****ing around at school again? 920 00:38:13,426 --> 00:38:14,894 Hey, we got to pay for this shit. 921 00:38:14,894 --> 00:38:16,696 We need results! No, no, no. 922 00:38:16,696 --> 00:38:19,299 Look, we are looking aggressively 923 00:38:19,299 --> 00:38:21,167 for this very specific tattoo. 924 00:38:21,167 --> 00:38:22,769 Or the tattoo could just be a dead end. 925 00:38:23,636 --> 00:38:25,839 What the ****? It's the same case! 926 00:38:26,573 --> 00:38:28,575 Do the same thing. 927 00:38:28,575 --> 00:38:31,440 Well, it's not exactly the same case, 'cause 928 00:38:32,212 --> 00:38:33,446 one of us got laid last night. 929 00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:35,810 Schmidt? 930 00:38:35,810 --> 00:38:36,349 Shh. 931 00:38:38,251 --> 00:38:40,530 Flew in on the red-eye, hasn't gotten a wink of sleep. 932 00:38:40,530 --> 00:38:41,354 Damn. 933 00:38:41,354 --> 00:38:42,856 We're talking missionary. 934 00:38:42,856 --> 00:38:45,392 We're talking missionary. 935 00:38:45,392 --> 00:38:48,461 We're talking when I'm on top and she's on her back. 936 00:38:50,196 --> 00:38:52,265 She's smart, she's an art major. 937 00:38:52,265 --> 00:38:54,901 She can't be that smart. She's a ****ing art major. 938 00:38:54,901 --> 00:38:56,369 Come on. 939 00:38:56,369 --> 00:38:57,904 I will give you some daps, Schmidt. 940 00:38:57,904 --> 00:38:58,905 Give me some mother****ing daps, man! 941 00:38:58,905 --> 00:39:00,140 Come on, give me some. 942 00:39:01,975 --> 00:39:04,811 Look, I don't think the tattoo means what you think it means. 943 00:39:04,811 --> 00:39:07,470 I mean, for all we know, a lot of people could have that tattoo. 944 00:39:07,470 --> 00:39:10,550 This tattoo? This absurdly specific tattoo? 945 00:39:10,550 --> 00:39:11,918 Name one other person who has this. 946 00:39:13,190 --> 00:39:15,221 For starters, Zook has it. 947 00:39:15,221 --> 00:39:16,656 Zook has the tattoo? 948 00:39:16,656 --> 00:39:21,861 What the ****? We've been looking for this tattoo for days! 949 00:39:21,861 --> 00:39:23,596 Do you understand this means Zook is the dealer? 950 00:39:23,596 --> 00:39:25,265 I really want you guys to hang out. 951 00:39:25,265 --> 00:39:28,401 We have hung out. He's completely ignored me. 952 00:39:28,401 --> 00:39:31,204 I'm sorry, but we're gonna have to investigate your new bff. 953 00:39:31,204 --> 00:39:32,772 We're gonna put cameras everywhere, 954 00:39:32,772 --> 00:39:34,507 and we're gonna monitor the **** out of what he's doing. 955 00:39:34,507 --> 00:39:35,842 We can't just walk into zeta house 956 00:39:35,842 --> 00:39:38,144 and just put up a bunch of ****ing cameras, okay? 957 00:39:38,144 --> 00:39:39,879 There's dudes there everywhere. 958 00:39:39,879 --> 00:39:41,648 All right, your plan is stupid. I'm sorry. 959 00:39:41,648 --> 00:39:44,117 My plan is stupid? That's interesting. What... okay. 960 00:39:44,117 --> 00:39:45,452 I'm, like, basically done 961 00:39:45,452 --> 00:39:47,530 ****ing watching your shit all the ****ing time. 962 00:39:47,530 --> 00:39:48,321 Okay, yeah, exactly. I'm the ****ing stupid one. Yeah. 963 00:39:48,321 --> 00:39:49,656 Oh, that's really ****ing stupid. 964 00:39:49,656 --> 00:39:51,825 Man, it must be hard being so different. 965 00:39:51,825 --> 00:39:55,610 We're exactly the same. It makes everything so much easier. 966 00:39:55,610 --> 00:39:57,564 Guys, can you just give us some space? 967 00:39:57,564 --> 00:39:58,665 We're really trying to figure something out, 968 00:39:58,665 --> 00:39:59,899 and we need to focus, okay? 969 00:39:59,899 --> 00:40:01,935 You're not gonna have trouble focusing, man. 970 00:40:01,935 --> 00:40:05,710 Yeah, man, those krispie treats got mad whyphy in them. 971 00:40:05,710 --> 00:40:07,440 KENNY: We made a batch for the whole dorm, man. 972 00:40:09,142 --> 00:40:12,278 I've eaten six of these. 973 00:40:12,278 --> 00:40:14,314 KENNY: Then you're gonna be real focused. KEITH: Be real focused. 974 00:40:14,314 --> 00:40:16,116 In about four hours, you're gonna be tripping. 975 00:40:17,417 --> 00:40:18,785 You're fine. You're gonna be all right, man. 976 00:40:18,785 --> 00:40:20,186 Who sold you whyphy? 977 00:40:20,186 --> 00:40:21,688 Nobody sold it to us. 978 00:40:21,688 --> 00:40:23,556 Yeah, man, Cynthia gave us a butt load, 979 00:40:23,556 --> 00:40:25,925 and in exchange, we wrote her logic paper for her. 980 00:40:25,925 --> 00:40:27,127 All right. All right, man, we'll see you guys later. 981 00:40:27,127 --> 00:40:28,695 Enjoy the food. 982 00:40:28,695 --> 00:40:30,296 Maybe this is a good thing. (DOOR CLOSES) 983 00:40:30,296 --> 00:40:34,768 let's use that focus to figure out a way to get into zook's house. 984 00:40:34,768 --> 00:40:36,770 You feel anything? No. Do you feel anything? 985 00:40:36,770 --> 00:40:38,471 No, but I have a super high tolerance for... 986 00:40:40,573 --> 00:40:41,574 (PANTING) 987 00:40:43,910 --> 00:40:45,378 I'm so focused. 988 00:40:45,378 --> 00:40:46,479 I'm so focused, too. 989 00:40:50,350 --> 00:40:51,510 You don't have to be on top of me. 990 00:40:51,510 --> 00:40:52,352 Yes, I do. 991 00:40:52,352 --> 00:40:53,787 Why? Camouflage. 992 00:40:53,787 --> 00:40:54,921 Go. 993 00:40:58,291 --> 00:41:00,260 (CANS CLATTERING) 994 00:41:00,260 --> 00:41:01,294 Let's go. 995 00:41:02,896 --> 00:41:04,297 MALE STUDENT: No ****ing way. 996 00:41:04,297 --> 00:41:06,633 Okay, so no? Dane? All right. 997 00:41:07,667 --> 00:41:08,668 Out, all right. 998 00:41:15,375 --> 00:41:16,376 Bull's-eye. Bingo. 999 00:41:20,447 --> 00:41:22,182 That helmet looks kind of lame. 1000 00:41:22,182 --> 00:41:24,500 You know what's not lame? 1001 00:41:24,500 --> 00:41:25,510 Safety. 1002 00:41:25,819 --> 00:41:26,853 (WHIRRING) 1003 00:41:48,341 --> 00:41:49,342 What are you doing? 1004 00:41:49,843 --> 00:41:51,277 I'm cutting glass. 1005 00:41:51,277 --> 00:41:52,645 It's a laser pointer. 1006 00:41:52,645 --> 00:41:54,314 It can't cut glass. What? 1007 00:41:58,180 --> 00:42:00,420 That's no fun at all. 1008 00:42:00,420 --> 00:42:01,888 I'm so focused. Let's do this. 1009 00:42:01,888 --> 00:42:03,560 I'm so focused. Let's do this. 1010 00:42:03,256 --> 00:42:04,691 (WHIRRING) 1011 00:42:15,168 --> 00:42:16,970 Give me another. I don't have any more cameras. 1012 00:42:22,575 --> 00:42:24,477 You don't need to drill so many holes. Yeah, okay. 1013 00:42:31,451 --> 00:42:33,553 Yeah, that one's perfect. Okay, you can do that one. 1014 00:42:33,553 --> 00:42:35,655 I don't have any more cameras. I've said it five times. 1015 00:42:37,824 --> 00:42:39,993 All right. Okay. That's the last of 'em. 1016 00:42:39,993 --> 00:42:41,294 (BEEPING) 1017 00:42:41,294 --> 00:42:42,595 Time to prove that zook's the dealer. 1018 00:42:42,595 --> 00:42:43,697 JENKO: Or not the dealer. 1019 00:42:43,697 --> 00:42:46,533 Next up is Brad mcquaid. 1020 00:42:46,533 --> 00:42:48,134 (ALL AGREEING) Right? Yes. 1021 00:42:48,134 --> 00:42:49,569 Yes! 1022 00:42:49,569 --> 00:42:51,571 Obviously, right? I mean, the guy's... 1023 00:42:51,571 --> 00:42:53,707 The guy's all-time. You guys, let's be honest. 1024 00:42:53,707 --> 00:42:56,209 I mean, like, he was opening up beer cans with his eyeballs. 1025 00:42:56,209 --> 00:42:57,243 That's so sweet of them. 1026 00:42:57,243 --> 00:42:59,112 So Brad... Brad's in. 1027 00:42:59,112 --> 00:43:00,313 Uh, Doug mcquaid. No! 1028 00:43:05,185 --> 00:43:06,653 He's Brad's brother. 1029 00:43:06,653 --> 00:43:08,688 He follows him around everywhere, 1030 00:43:08,688 --> 00:43:11,191 so I doubt we get Brad without Doug. 1031 00:43:11,191 --> 00:43:12,892 That's not true. I have a serious girlfriend. 1032 00:43:12,892 --> 00:43:14,728 I got a bad feeling about this guy, dude. Why? Why? 1033 00:43:14,728 --> 00:43:16,629 I was talking to him for a second. 1034 00:43:16,629 --> 00:43:18,331 He's got a big mouth, okay? 1035 00:43:18,331 --> 00:43:20,500 I feel like he could **** this whole thing up for us. 1036 00:43:20,500 --> 00:43:22,969 See, you're ****ing this up. You talk way too much. 1037 00:43:22,969 --> 00:43:25,305 That guy is harmless, dude. Look at him, he's nice. 1038 00:43:25,305 --> 00:43:27,540 ROOSTER: He looks like a 30-year-old eighth grader. 1039 00:43:27,540 --> 00:43:28,742 ZOOK: He's gonna be fine. 1040 00:43:28,742 --> 00:43:30,910 I'm just saying, the kid sucks. 1041 00:43:30,910 --> 00:43:33,880 Okay, and Brad. Brad could be, like, our guy. 1042 00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:36,683 He could, like, be a part of our thing. 1043 00:43:36,683 --> 00:43:38,418 Our thing? Yeah. 1044 00:43:38,418 --> 00:43:40,120 Shh. I'm trying to hear them be nice about me. 1045 00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:41,521 This is ****ing bullshit. Shit! 1046 00:43:43,923 --> 00:43:45,325 Shit. 1047 00:43:45,325 --> 00:43:46,826 Is somebody up there? 1048 00:43:46,826 --> 00:43:48,261 Shit. We got to get out of here. 1049 00:43:48,261 --> 00:43:49,429 Did you lock the door? 1050 00:43:49,429 --> 00:43:50,563 I did, man. I checked twice. 1051 00:44:07,947 --> 00:44:08,948 Go, go! 1052 00:44:09,516 --> 00:44:10,917 I'm so focused, dude. 1053 00:44:14,154 --> 00:44:15,388 Shit. 1054 00:44:19,659 --> 00:44:23,329 No, you're just paranoid because we're about to trip balls. 1055 00:44:23,329 --> 00:44:24,698 No, I'm paranoid because it could be dangerous. 1056 00:44:24,698 --> 00:44:25,632 No, we're fine. Look, we made it. 1057 00:44:25,632 --> 00:44:26,633 We made it. It's all good. 1058 00:44:27,967 --> 00:44:29,235 SCHMIDT: Oh, shit! 1059 00:44:29,235 --> 00:44:30,437 (SCREAMING) 1060 00:44:32,372 --> 00:44:33,540 Help! Help! 1061 00:44:33,540 --> 00:44:34,674 What's happening! 1062 00:44:34,674 --> 00:44:35,809 JENKO: What the ****? 1063 00:44:39,446 --> 00:44:42,480 JENKO: (PANTING) I can't breathe. 1064 00:44:43,183 --> 00:44:45,118 They made us! 1065 00:44:45,118 --> 00:44:46,786 They're gonna kill us! 1066 00:44:48,888 --> 00:44:50,457 Jenko! 1067 00:44:50,457 --> 00:44:51,991 Where are you going? 1068 00:44:56,796 --> 00:44:59,699 Oh, ****! I'm having a bad trip! We're having a bad trip! 1069 00:44:59,699 --> 00:45:01,634 I think we are tripping, but... 1070 00:45:01,634 --> 00:45:03,103 God, isn't this great? 1071 00:45:03,103 --> 00:45:05,500 My side's so much scarier than yours. 1072 00:45:05,500 --> 00:45:07,173 Oh, shit, your trip sucks. 1073 00:45:07,173 --> 00:45:08,808 You should come over here. It's way better. 1074 00:45:08,808 --> 00:45:09,909 Okay. 1075 00:45:11,511 --> 00:45:13,246 (THUD) (GROANS) 1076 00:45:13,246 --> 00:45:15,810 It's some kind of weird split screen! 1077 00:45:15,810 --> 00:45:16,583 (LAUGHING) 1078 00:45:16,583 --> 00:45:18,180 Hello, football. 1079 00:45:18,180 --> 00:45:21,554 Jenko! Jenko! 1080 00:45:21,554 --> 00:45:23,423 I finally got my lambo! 1081 00:45:23,923 --> 00:45:26,126 Hey, Schmidt, look! 1082 00:45:26,126 --> 00:45:27,160 Look! Look! (LAUGHING) 1083 00:45:35,168 --> 00:45:36,703 My legs are tired. 1084 00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:42,175 Help! No more music! 1085 00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:44,411 You'll always be alone. 1086 00:45:44,411 --> 00:45:45,879 (SCREAMS) 1087 00:45:45,879 --> 00:45:46,980 Hey, jenko. What? 1088 00:45:46,980 --> 00:45:48,548 Where are you going? 1089 00:45:48,548 --> 00:45:49,649 I'm just gonna go up for a little while, okay? 1090 00:45:49,649 --> 00:45:50,950 Stay, stay here. 1091 00:45:50,950 --> 00:45:52,752 No, I don't want to stay here. I'm flying. This is amazing. 1092 00:45:52,752 --> 00:45:54,487 No. God. Don't go! 1093 00:45:54,487 --> 00:45:55,555 Oh, my God. 1094 00:45:55,555 --> 00:45:56,823 No! 1095 00:45:56,823 --> 00:45:58,792 Stay here! No, no, stop it. 1096 00:45:58,792 --> 00:46:01,428 You're dragging me down! Why would you drag me down? 1097 00:46:01,428 --> 00:46:02,429 Please stay! I'm flying. 1098 00:46:03,463 --> 00:46:04,831 Stay! 1099 00:46:04,831 --> 00:46:06,366 (BOTH SCREAMING) 1100 00:46:07,967 --> 00:46:09,869 Wake up! Get out of the car! Shit. 1101 00:46:09,869 --> 00:46:11,738 Get out of the car! Get on the ground! 1102 00:46:11,738 --> 00:46:12,939 On your ****ing knees! 1103 00:46:12,939 --> 00:46:14,474 Get on your knees! 1104 00:46:14,474 --> 00:46:16,509 You already know, don't you? What? 1105 00:46:16,509 --> 00:46:17,344 Do you have anything to say? 1106 00:46:17,344 --> 00:46:18,978 Please don't kill us. 1107 00:46:18,978 --> 00:46:21,140 If you don't have anything to ****ing say, 1108 00:46:21,140 --> 00:46:23,116 open your ****ing mouth. 1109 00:46:28,688 --> 00:46:29,923 What the ****? 1110 00:46:29,923 --> 00:46:31,358 Is that vodka? 1111 00:46:31,358 --> 00:46:33,993 Welcome to zeta, pledges! (LAUGHING) 1112 00:46:33,993 --> 00:46:35,528 Yeah, buddy! 1113 00:46:37,597 --> 00:46:43,269 Pledges, tonight, we separate the weak from the strong. 1114 00:46:45,380 --> 00:46:47,841 If you don't make it through tonight, 1115 00:46:47,841 --> 00:46:49,576 you're dead to all of us. 1116 00:46:50,377 --> 00:46:51,411 Rooster, 1117 00:46:51,978 --> 00:46:53,480 light the torch! 1118 00:46:54,647 --> 00:46:55,815 For zeta! 1119 00:46:57,884 --> 00:46:58,885 (ALL CHEERING) 1120 00:47:01,187 --> 00:47:03,790 ALL: (CHANTING) Drink, mother****er! Drink, mother****er! 1121 00:47:03,790 --> 00:47:05,825 Drink, mother****er! Drink, mother****er! 1122 00:47:11,965 --> 00:47:14,000 Look, whatever happens tonight, you have to keep up, okay? 1123 00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:15,402 I'm gonna throw up. 1124 00:47:15,402 --> 00:47:16,670 I know. Shut up. Go. 1125 00:47:17,570 --> 00:47:19,105 ZOOK: Ready? Go! 1126 00:47:19,105 --> 00:47:21,307 Here we go, here we go. 1127 00:47:21,307 --> 00:47:23,610 One, two, three, four, five... 1128 00:47:23,610 --> 00:47:26,120 I can't do it anymore! I can't do it anymore! 1129 00:47:26,120 --> 00:47:27,213 Twenty's the record! 1130 00:47:27,213 --> 00:47:29,282 Thirty-three, 34... (GROANING) 1131 00:47:29,849 --> 00:47:31,510 ...67... 1132 00:47:31,510 --> 00:47:32,752 (ALL CHEERING) 1133 00:48:06,860 --> 00:48:07,220 You can do this, you can do this. 1134 00:48:07,220 --> 00:48:08,321 I can't. This is disgusting. 1135 00:48:08,321 --> 00:48:09,489 No, you got to. I can't do this anymore! 1136 00:48:09,489 --> 00:48:11,558 And now, for my favorite event. (SQUEALING) 1137 00:48:13,260 --> 00:48:14,600 **** this. I'm not doing this. 1138 00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:15,195 I'm not doing it. What are... no! 1139 00:48:15,195 --> 00:48:17,230 I'm not doing this, okay? All right? 1140 00:48:22,100 --> 00:48:23,303 Hey! 1141 00:48:23,303 --> 00:48:25,105 Schmidt! What the ****, man? 1142 00:48:25,105 --> 00:48:27,507 What is your problem? You said you wanted to stick together. 1143 00:48:27,507 --> 00:48:30,276 This is what we have to do to win their trust. 1144 00:48:30,276 --> 00:48:32,779 This is supposed to be fun. It's just drinking and bonding games. 1145 00:48:32,779 --> 00:48:34,381 It's fun. 1146 00:48:34,381 --> 00:48:35,849 It's fun for you. It's not fun for me. 1147 00:48:37,150 --> 00:48:39,352 I don't know. Maybe we should just... 1148 00:48:41,154 --> 00:48:44,240 Maybe we should just investigate different people. 1149 00:48:45,792 --> 00:48:48,461 Did you really just say that? 1150 00:48:48,461 --> 00:48:50,397 Did you really just say that you want to investigate other people? 1151 00:48:50,397 --> 00:48:51,765 That's what you want? 1152 00:48:51,765 --> 00:48:53,666 I don't know, maybe. 1153 00:48:53,666 --> 00:48:56,369 Maybe we should just... We should just branch out. 1154 00:48:56,369 --> 00:48:58,238 Okay, just sow our oats a little. 1155 00:48:58,872 --> 00:49:00,407 Sow our cop oats. 1156 00:49:00,407 --> 00:49:02,750 Look, I have an in with Zook. 1157 00:49:02,750 --> 00:49:04,100 We have a thing and it's good, and... 1158 00:49:04,100 --> 00:49:06,413 I don't know, maybe I should just stay closer to him. 1159 00:49:06,413 --> 00:49:08,314 And you should do your thing 1160 00:49:08,314 --> 00:49:10,617 with your connections and channels 1161 00:49:11,418 --> 00:49:12,952 with Cynthia's roommate. 1162 00:49:12,952 --> 00:49:15,880 You should see if she knows who sold her drugs. 1163 00:49:15,789 --> 00:49:17,524 I just... I just don't... 1164 00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:22,462 I don't like the idea of us doing stuff separately. 1165 00:49:22,462 --> 00:49:24,531 No, look, we can still investigate 1166 00:49:25,131 --> 00:49:27,233 together. 1167 00:49:27,233 --> 00:49:30,670 It's just, you know, now it'll be an open thing. 1168 00:49:32,172 --> 00:49:33,907 You want an open investigation? 1169 00:49:33,907 --> 00:49:36,343 I don't know if that's what I want. 1170 00:49:36,343 --> 00:49:39,512 All right? I just think it's healthy right now for us to try it. 1171 00:49:42,182 --> 00:49:43,283 Okay. 1172 00:49:44,117 --> 00:49:47,530 Yeah? Sure. 1173 00:49:47,530 --> 00:49:48,922 Okay, so I guess I'll just catch you later, then. 1174 00:49:53,460 --> 00:49:55,495 You okay? 1175 00:49:55,495 --> 00:49:57,464 No, you can't hug me right now. 1176 00:49:57,464 --> 00:49:59,650 Do you need money for a cab or anything? 1177 00:49:59,650 --> 00:50:01,601 No, I don't need money for a cab. 1178 00:50:02,602 --> 00:50:03,603 Okay. 1179 00:50:12,712 --> 00:50:15,215 I don't know where the **** I am right now. 1180 00:50:20,153 --> 00:50:21,521 Hey, Lauren. 1181 00:50:22,856 --> 00:50:26,860 I just want to get in bed and watch friends all day. 1182 00:50:26,860 --> 00:50:30,864 ANNOUNCER: Let's hear it for your metropolitan city state statesmen! 1183 00:50:30,864 --> 00:50:32,365 (ALL CHEERING) 1184 00:50:32,365 --> 00:50:34,267 BOB: And the statesmen take the field 1185 00:50:34,267 --> 00:50:37,337 for the opening game against the university of college generals. 1186 00:50:37,837 --> 00:50:39,720 MAN: Ready? 1187 00:50:39,720 --> 00:50:40,507 JIM: And a surprise start today 1188 00:50:40,507 --> 00:50:42,776 for walk-on freshman Brad mcquaid. 1189 00:50:42,776 --> 00:50:44,177 BOB: Looks pretty old to be a freshman. 1190 00:50:44,177 --> 00:50:45,780 It's the hormones in the milk, Bob. 1191 00:50:45,780 --> 00:50:46,579 Ready? Set, hut! 1192 00:50:48,248 --> 00:50:49,649 BOB: Haythe drops back. 1193 00:50:51,251 --> 00:50:52,218 And connects with mcquaid! 1194 00:50:52,218 --> 00:50:54,521 (GRUNTS) 1195 00:50:54,521 --> 00:50:57,891 Who beats safety will glock like an egg white in my famous meringue recipe. 1196 00:51:00,860 --> 00:51:02,429 Holy shit, he's good. 1197 00:51:02,429 --> 00:51:05,665 None of you tell mcquaid that he's good, all right? 1198 00:51:05,665 --> 00:51:08,835 If you do, he'll leave this shitty program. 1199 00:51:08,835 --> 00:51:11,738 BOB: And as the clock ticks down, we've got time for one last play. 1200 00:51:15,575 --> 00:51:19,112 Another perfect hookup between haythe and mcquaid. 1201 00:51:19,112 --> 00:51:21,381 JIM: Even their end zone celebration is in perfect sync. 1202 00:51:21,381 --> 00:51:23,783 It's like these two share a single brain, Bob. 1203 00:51:23,783 --> 00:51:26,319 That's right, Jim. They both have one half a brain. 1204 00:51:26,319 --> 00:51:27,721 And the crowd rushes the field 1205 00:51:27,721 --> 00:51:29,389 to try and knock down a goalpost. 1206 00:51:29,389 --> 00:51:30,523 It's not coming down! 1207 00:51:31,725 --> 00:51:33,126 (ALL CHEERING) 1208 00:51:33,126 --> 00:51:34,461 BOB: (CHUCKLING) Good luck, guys. 1209 00:51:34,461 --> 00:51:36,730 JIM: Looks like mc state's got a new power couple. 1210 00:51:36,730 --> 00:51:38,198 Zook and mcquaid! 1211 00:51:41,340 --> 00:51:42,469 I got to get around you, man. 1212 00:51:42,469 --> 00:51:44,871 I can't jump up. I got a broken ankle. 1213 00:51:47,841 --> 00:51:49,442 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1214 00:51:49,943 --> 00:51:50,944 Yeah! 1215 00:51:52,112 --> 00:51:54,481 BOTH: **** yes! 1216 00:51:54,481 --> 00:51:55,982 Yeah! One more! 1217 00:51:58,118 --> 00:51:59,119 (CELL PHONE BUZZING) Shit. 1218 00:52:01,521 --> 00:52:02,655 (SIGHS) Who is that? 1219 00:52:02,655 --> 00:52:03,656 Nothing. All right, ready? 1220 00:52:04,991 --> 00:52:06,259 ZOOK: Come on! 1221 00:52:06,259 --> 00:52:07,494 Focus! 1222 00:52:09,796 --> 00:52:11,264 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1223 00:52:17,103 --> 00:52:18,738 Come on! Do it! 1224 00:52:18,738 --> 00:52:20,240 **** you, Arnold Schwarzenegger! 1225 00:52:20,240 --> 00:52:21,808 I'm so jammed! **** you! 1226 00:52:21,808 --> 00:52:23,743 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) There's a sock on the door! Don't come in! 1227 00:52:23,743 --> 00:52:25,178 ****, yeah! 1228 00:52:25,178 --> 00:52:26,680 I'm having *** with a human woman. 1229 00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:28,281 My God! ****! 1230 00:52:33,386 --> 00:52:34,821 Hey! Look at you! 1231 00:52:34,821 --> 00:52:35,989 What are you guys doing here? 1232 00:52:35,989 --> 00:52:37,991 What? Are you kidding? It's parents weekend. 1233 00:52:37,991 --> 00:52:39,559 (WHISPERS) ****. 1234 00:52:39,559 --> 00:52:42,280 Wonderful. You're dating someone. 1235 00:52:42,280 --> 00:52:45,650 Thanks, mom. Listen, we're undercover, okay? 1236 00:52:45,650 --> 00:52:46,660 Thank you. No problem. 1237 00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:48,100 Doug! 1238 00:52:48,268 --> 00:52:49,769 Maya! 1239 00:52:49,769 --> 00:52:50,770 Hey. Hi. 1240 00:52:51,404 --> 00:52:52,639 These are my parents. 1241 00:52:52,639 --> 00:52:54,607 So this is the girl? 1242 00:52:54,607 --> 00:52:56,743 Hi. I'm Annie. I'm your new mother-in-law. (LAUGHS) 1243 00:52:58,511 --> 00:53:00,113 Nice to meet you. Worst thing to say. 1244 00:53:00,113 --> 00:53:01,414 Hi. Hey. David. 1245 00:53:01,414 --> 00:53:02,415 My dad. Nice to meet you. 1246 00:53:03,116 --> 00:53:04,551 Well, my parents are here, too. 1247 00:53:06,753 --> 00:53:09,220 Your mama done found a table she want. 1248 00:53:15,995 --> 00:53:17,764 How do you know this person? 1249 00:53:17,764 --> 00:53:20,367 Dad, this is Doug, a guy that I'm dating. 1250 00:53:20,367 --> 00:53:22,602 The ****? I... 1251 00:53:22,602 --> 00:53:24,738 How's your classes going, Doug? 1252 00:53:24,738 --> 00:53:27,474 You... we were just in the neighborhood, and... 1253 00:53:27,474 --> 00:53:28,575 I have an idea. Why don't we all sit together? 1254 00:53:28,575 --> 00:53:29,909 Would that be fun? 1255 00:53:29,909 --> 00:53:31,770 Yes, thank you. 1256 00:53:32,112 --> 00:53:33,713 (MUSIC PLAYING QUIETLY) 1257 00:53:45,892 --> 00:53:47,293 So... 1258 00:53:47,293 --> 00:53:48,862 Do you like weather? 1259 00:53:50,430 --> 00:53:52,232 You two know each other? 1260 00:53:52,232 --> 00:53:53,700 No. 1261 00:53:53,700 --> 00:53:55,535 This is crazy, all these, uh, 1262 00:53:56,803 --> 00:53:58,805 students and parents. 1263 00:54:00,106 --> 00:54:01,107 Potential witnesses. 1264 00:54:02,409 --> 00:54:03,610 How did you two meet? 1265 00:54:03,610 --> 00:54:05,712 Oh, I love meet-cute stories. 1266 00:54:05,712 --> 00:54:07,681 We met at a poetry slam, 1267 00:54:07,681 --> 00:54:09,883 and then he stalked me back to my dorm room. 1268 00:54:09,883 --> 00:54:12,180 Stalked her? Oh, that's so beautiful. 1269 00:54:12,180 --> 00:54:13,319 Then what happened? 1270 00:54:13,319 --> 00:54:15,422 And then we hung out and we watched a movie. 1271 00:54:16,389 --> 00:54:19,250 Actually, we watched it a couple times. 1272 00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:22,562 This is bullshit! 1273 00:54:22,562 --> 00:54:24,297 This ****ing... waiter! 1274 00:54:24,297 --> 00:54:26,900 What can a black man do to get some water around here? 1275 00:54:26,900 --> 00:54:28,501 Give the ****ing guy some water! 1276 00:54:28,501 --> 00:54:30,503 He's black! He's been through a lot! 1277 00:54:30,503 --> 00:54:33,473 For the sake of your daughter, please keep it together. 1278 00:54:33,473 --> 00:54:35,575 I'm gonna need a mother****ing crepe before I go crazy. 1279 00:54:36,209 --> 00:54:38,545 I'll be right back. 1280 00:54:38,545 --> 00:54:41,648 So, where are you from originally? 1281 00:54:41,648 --> 00:54:42,782 I'm straight outta Compton, 1282 00:54:44,384 --> 00:54:46,353 but my husband's from northridge. 1283 00:54:46,353 --> 00:54:48,880 Come on, man, hook me up. 1284 00:54:50,323 --> 00:54:52,392 What the **** y'all doing? Y'all rationing around here? 1285 00:54:52,392 --> 00:54:54,227 Come on, hook me up. Two little ****ing string beans? 1286 00:54:54,227 --> 00:54:56,596 Give me the goddamn string beans. 1287 00:54:56,596 --> 00:54:58,465 I want some ****ing deviled eggs. 1288 00:54:58,465 --> 00:54:59,833 I like fruit. Don't you like fruit? 1289 00:55:00,367 --> 00:55:01,835 I like fruit. 1290 00:55:01,835 --> 00:55:04,400 But this pork shit? Got to go! 1291 00:55:04,400 --> 00:55:05,438 He's really taking it out on the omelet bar. 1292 00:55:05,438 --> 00:55:06,873 Shit was nasty! 1293 00:55:06,873 --> 00:55:08,608 He's under a lot of pressure at work. 1294 00:55:08,608 --> 00:55:10,443 What's up, playa? Want to go to the movies? 1295 00:55:10,443 --> 00:55:13,346 I'll break your mother****ing legs! Break your legs! 1296 00:55:13,346 --> 00:55:14,714 (CLATTERING) 1297 00:55:14,714 --> 00:55:16,349 What? 1298 00:55:16,349 --> 00:55:18,685 How you doing, Mr. nice plant? Get your ****ing *** in there. 1299 00:55:18,685 --> 00:55:19,986 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 1300 00:55:21,888 --> 00:55:23,490 (ALL CHEERING) 1301 00:55:26,659 --> 00:55:28,940 Hey, you want another beer? I'm gonna get another beer. 1302 00:55:28,940 --> 00:55:29,896 Yeah, yeah, I'll do another. 1303 00:55:47,130 --> 00:55:48,148 Hey, look, man, 1304 00:55:48,148 --> 00:55:49,683 you know you can always tell me something 1305 00:55:49,683 --> 00:55:51,510 if you want to get it off your chest. 1306 00:55:51,510 --> 00:55:52,619 You know I'm always here for you, right? 1307 00:55:54,387 --> 00:55:55,388 What are you trying to say? 1308 00:55:55,388 --> 00:55:56,489 No, nothing. 1309 00:55:59,793 --> 00:56:02,362 All right, with everything that happened 1310 00:56:02,362 --> 00:56:03,663 with Cynthia and whyphy, 1311 00:56:05,532 --> 00:56:06,833 I just don't want you to screw up. 1312 00:56:07,667 --> 00:56:10,337 You don't think I know what I'm doing? 1313 00:56:10,337 --> 00:56:12,720 What? I know exactly what I'm doing here. 1314 00:56:14,808 --> 00:56:16,343 I'm gonna tell you something, all right? 1315 00:56:16,343 --> 00:56:17,811 Can I trust you? Yeah, of course. 1316 00:56:23,216 --> 00:56:26,653 I have a friend who knows a guy at umc. 1317 00:56:27,420 --> 00:56:29,389 He's a scout. It's d-I. 1318 00:56:29,389 --> 00:56:31,570 Their qb, he's not playing well. 1319 00:56:31,570 --> 00:56:32,580 They're not happy with the situation. 1320 00:56:32,580 --> 00:56:33,426 They want me to make a tape. 1321 00:56:33,426 --> 00:56:35,762 And I want you to be on it with me. 1322 00:56:39,632 --> 00:56:41,701 (STAMMERING) Nothing else? 1323 00:56:41,701 --> 00:56:43,570 They had five guys in the draft last year. 1324 00:56:43,570 --> 00:56:44,838 I mean, Brad, this could be our shot. 1325 00:56:44,838 --> 00:56:46,873 We're like the dynamic duo, bro. 1326 00:56:46,873 --> 00:56:49,309 We're like Batman and Robin. 1327 00:56:49,309 --> 00:56:51,211 But we're both Batman. 1328 00:56:51,211 --> 00:56:53,380 What do you want to be, like, a stockbroker? 1329 00:56:53,380 --> 00:56:54,914 Or a cop? 1330 00:56:54,914 --> 00:56:56,783 Dude, your ceiling is, like, 1331 00:56:57,717 --> 00:56:59,185 so high. 1332 00:57:00,253 --> 00:57:04,240 You can just bust right... 1333 00:57:04,240 --> 00:57:06,159 Just break right through it. Right through it. 1334 00:57:06,159 --> 00:57:08,928 Right through it. Right through it. 1335 00:57:08,928 --> 00:57:10,897 You really think I could make it at umc? 1336 00:57:10,897 --> 00:57:14,234 Dude, you could make it into the hall of fame. 1337 00:57:14,234 --> 00:57:16,136 No, dude, come on, that's you. 1338 00:57:16,136 --> 00:57:18,605 You're gonna be in, like, the anals of football history. 1339 00:57:18,605 --> 00:57:21,174 Dude, you could make it into the anals of football history, too. 1340 00:57:22,208 --> 00:57:25,712 We're gonna have to tear those anals up. 1341 00:57:25,712 --> 00:57:27,280 All right. We're gonna ****ing tear it up. 1342 00:57:27,280 --> 00:57:28,548 I mean, it's just a tape, right? 1343 00:57:29,449 --> 00:57:30,784 I ****ing hate my dad so much. 1344 00:57:30,784 --> 00:57:32,185 Do you have any idea 1345 00:57:32,185 --> 00:57:33,420 what it's like to have a guy like that 1346 00:57:33,420 --> 00:57:35,155 telling you what to do all the time? (CELL PHONE CHIMING) 1347 00:57:35,155 --> 00:57:36,589 I can only imagine. 1348 00:57:36,589 --> 00:57:39,993 I just don't understand what his problem is with you specifically. 1349 00:57:39,993 --> 00:57:42,829 (SIGHS) I don't... Jesus. That makes no sense to me. 1350 00:57:42,829 --> 00:57:43,930 I mean, you are a perfectly good guy. 1351 00:57:45,980 --> 00:57:47,667 I don't know. Maybe the school directory or something. 1352 00:57:47,667 --> 00:57:49,350 Let's do something... 1353 00:57:49,350 --> 00:57:49,903 Let's do something that would distract us. 1354 00:57:54,400 --> 00:57:55,175 Maya. 1355 00:57:57,243 --> 00:57:58,578 Is it okay if we just talk? 1356 00:58:00,780 --> 00:58:01,781 Okay. 1357 00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:04,840 Let's talk. 1358 00:58:04,840 --> 00:58:05,852 No way. Yeah. 1359 00:58:05,852 --> 00:58:07,854 I was Peter Pan, but then I was, like, late. 1360 00:58:07,854 --> 00:58:09,556 You're really close with your brother, then. 1361 00:58:10,900 --> 00:58:11,624 It seems like. Yeah. 1362 00:58:12,425 --> 00:58:13,860 Yeah, you know... 1363 00:58:13,860 --> 00:58:14,894 (LAUGHING) 1364 00:58:17,697 --> 00:58:19,399 You're a ****ing genius, dude. 1365 00:58:19,399 --> 00:58:21,340 Are you sure it's not too much, though? No! 1366 00:58:22,168 --> 00:58:24,170 Yeah! ****, yeah! 1367 00:58:24,170 --> 00:58:26,473 All right? All right? Yeah. Yeah. 1368 00:58:26,473 --> 00:58:27,907 All night, bro. Come on. All night. Yeah, I know. 1369 00:58:27,907 --> 00:58:29,376 It's gonna be so worth it, dude. 1370 00:58:29,376 --> 00:58:30,844 It's gonna be ****ing worth it, I promise, all right? 1371 00:58:30,844 --> 00:58:32,312 Dude, you know what this needs? 1372 00:58:32,312 --> 00:58:34,800 BOTH: Another star wipe. 1373 00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:36,116 Jinx. Buy me a beer. (CHUCKLING) 1374 00:58:36,116 --> 00:58:37,217 Nice twist. 1375 00:58:37,217 --> 00:58:38,318 On what? 1376 00:58:40,860 --> 00:58:41,888 MAYA: I can't believe we've been talking all night. 1377 00:58:41,888 --> 00:58:45,892 Oh, my God, it's 8:00. I have class, actually. 1378 00:58:45,892 --> 00:58:47,994 Okay. I... 1379 00:58:47,994 --> 00:58:50,864 Yeah, you can help yourself to whatever you need, and... 1380 00:58:50,864 --> 00:58:52,198 All right. 1381 00:58:52,198 --> 00:58:54,100 Yeah, I'm so sorry, this... (CHUCKLES) 1382 00:58:54,100 --> 00:58:55,568 I'll see you. 1383 00:58:55,568 --> 00:58:56,603 I'll see you later. 1384 00:58:56,603 --> 00:58:58,338 Okay. Best night ever. 1385 00:58:58,338 --> 00:58:59,773 Okay. Bye. 1386 00:59:01,908 --> 00:59:02,942 Bye. 1387 00:59:04,100 --> 00:59:05,110 (CLEARS THROAT) 1388 00:59:07,414 --> 00:59:09,382 How long have you been there? 1389 00:59:09,382 --> 00:59:11,851 Like, the longest amount of time you could think of right now. 1390 00:59:11,851 --> 00:59:13,253 This stuff wasn't meant for you. 1391 00:59:13,253 --> 00:59:14,821 It was meant to be private. 1392 00:59:14,821 --> 00:59:17,357 So, am I supposed to just sit here and not act like 1393 00:59:17,357 --> 00:59:19,592 I hear every one of your problems? 1394 00:59:19,592 --> 00:59:22,962 You got 99 problems, but being young isn't one. 1395 00:59:22,962 --> 00:59:26,332 You're just jealous because Maya and I have a real connection. 1396 00:59:26,332 --> 00:59:27,834 I'm pretty close with my grandpa, too. 1397 00:59:29,536 --> 00:59:31,370 You're more messed up than Cynthia was, 1398 00:59:31,370 --> 00:59:33,273 and she went to the school shrink three times a week. 1399 00:59:33,273 --> 00:59:35,442 Why? I don't know. 1400 00:59:35,442 --> 00:59:37,277 But he gave her a ton of pills and shit. 1401 00:59:37,277 --> 00:59:39,679 Maybe he could give you something for your weird old face. 1402 00:59:39,679 --> 00:59:40,680 Okay. 1403 00:59:44,484 --> 00:59:47,200 Hey. You're late. 1404 00:59:47,200 --> 00:59:49,823 No, actually, I was busy with the investigation. 1405 00:59:51,558 --> 00:59:54,761 This is Cynthia's therapist's office. This is our investigation. 1406 00:59:56,296 --> 00:59:57,297 (WHISPERING) All right. 1407 01:00:04,838 --> 01:00:06,639 Watch the door. 1408 01:00:06,639 --> 01:00:09,876 Oh, is that all I'm good for? Just watching a ****ing door? 1409 01:00:09,876 --> 01:00:10,944 (CELL PHONE VIBRATING) 1410 01:00:12,212 --> 01:00:13,413 Got it. 1411 01:00:15,150 --> 01:00:17,484 Patient exhibits drug-induced paranoia. 1412 01:00:17,484 --> 01:00:19,919 Believes her life is in danger. 1413 01:00:19,919 --> 01:00:20,920 Uh, door, door. 1414 01:00:22,989 --> 01:00:24,991 Hey. 1415 01:00:24,991 --> 01:00:27,427 I wasn't told that I had a 9:00 A.M. session. 1416 01:00:27,427 --> 01:00:29,295 Yeah, no, we're your 9:00 A.M. that's us. 1417 01:00:29,295 --> 01:00:31,898 And we're cured. 1418 01:00:31,898 --> 01:00:34,534 Thank you very much. You're an amazing doctor. 1419 01:00:34,534 --> 01:00:36,302 Please. You think you're the first partners 1420 01:00:36,302 --> 01:00:41,141 only to try to run when you're first faced with talking with me? 1421 01:00:41,141 --> 01:00:42,575 How the **** did you know we were partners? 1422 01:00:42,575 --> 01:00:44,344 He doesn't know we're partners. 1423 01:00:44,344 --> 01:00:46,790 (WHISPERING) I suspect you're partners. 1424 01:00:46,790 --> 01:00:48,748 A relationship is something that requires constant work. 1425 01:00:48,748 --> 01:00:50,250 Which is what I thought we learned in high school. 1426 01:00:50,250 --> 01:00:52,218 So you are high school sweethearts. 1427 01:00:52,218 --> 01:00:53,420 I picked up on that early. 1428 01:00:53,420 --> 01:00:54,621 Please, continue the dialogue. 1429 01:00:55,880 --> 01:00:56,890 Doc. 1430 01:00:57,557 --> 01:00:59,920 I just feel like sometimes 1431 01:00:59,920 --> 01:01:00,593 he's not even trying anymore. 1432 01:01:00,593 --> 01:01:02,962 Like this isn't even worth saving. 1433 01:01:02,962 --> 01:01:04,297 JENKO: Oh, okay. Well, sometimes I feel like 1434 01:01:04,297 --> 01:01:05,932 that we should be more like the yangs. 1435 01:01:05,932 --> 01:01:07,634 Or maybe I should be more like your beautiful zook. 1436 01:01:07,634 --> 01:01:09,202 Oh, go **** yourself! You go **** yourself. 1437 01:01:12,720 --> 01:01:13,506 No, not at all. Okay? 1438 01:01:13,506 --> 01:01:15,275 And why the **** are you guys ganging up on me? 1439 01:01:15,275 --> 01:01:16,476 Gang up on him. Okay, seriously. 1440 01:01:16,476 --> 01:01:18,244 Okay, okay. He's clingy. 1441 01:01:18,244 --> 01:01:20,513 He literally is terrified of being by himself. 1442 01:01:20,513 --> 01:01:22,115 Look, I know zook's your buddy 1443 01:01:22,115 --> 01:01:23,160 and you don't want him to be guilty, 1444 01:01:23,160 --> 01:01:24,484 but he's our guy. 1445 01:01:24,484 --> 01:01:26,419 No, he's actually not our guy. I would know. 1446 01:01:26,419 --> 01:01:28,955 Now, you know, we sometimes cling to things 1447 01:01:28,955 --> 01:01:31,570 because they're familiar and comfortable. 1448 01:01:31,570 --> 01:01:32,792 I teach about a principle called embedding. 1449 01:01:32,792 --> 01:01:34,327 Look at the facts. Matter of fact, I... 1450 01:01:34,327 --> 01:01:36,896 Zook has the tattoo. He knew Cynthia. 1451 01:01:36,896 --> 01:01:38,198 I know the first time he met you, 1452 01:01:38,198 --> 01:01:39,499 you dropped a ****ing sandwich on his foot 1453 01:01:39,499 --> 01:01:40,900 and he smiled at you, 1454 01:01:40,900 --> 01:01:43,970 but you are completely blind to the fact... 1455 01:01:43,970 --> 01:01:45,905 What'd you say embedding was? Embedding? 1456 01:01:45,905 --> 01:01:49,376 Oh, embedding is our tendency to latch on to 1457 01:01:49,376 --> 01:01:51,878 the first bit of information that we're offered 1458 01:01:51,878 --> 01:01:54,514 and overlooking, or even ignoring, contradictory information. 1459 01:01:54,514 --> 01:01:55,415 It's a fascinating principle... 1460 01:01:55,415 --> 01:01:57,183 Shut up. I'm thinking. 1461 01:01:58,251 --> 01:02:00,553 You think it's possible that 1462 01:02:00,553 --> 01:02:02,389 we embedded? 1463 01:02:02,389 --> 01:02:04,240 What, like when we were drunk or something? 1464 01:02:04,240 --> 01:02:05,925 We embedded each other? Okay. I'm gonna recommend... 1465 01:02:05,925 --> 01:02:06,693 Okay, you can leave the room. 1466 01:02:06,693 --> 01:02:07,761 Just get the **** out. 1467 01:02:08,695 --> 01:02:10,630 Get the **** out. You heard him. 1468 01:02:10,630 --> 01:02:11,364 This took a turn. 1469 01:02:11,364 --> 01:02:12,866 One, two... 1470 01:02:12,866 --> 01:02:14,634 Okay. Yep. Good session. (DOOR CLOSES) 1471 01:02:14,634 --> 01:02:15,902 The first time we saw the photo 1472 01:02:15,902 --> 01:02:17,270 of Cynthia buying whyphy, 1473 01:02:17,270 --> 01:02:19,939 dickson said, this guy's the dealer. 1474 01:02:19,939 --> 01:02:22,800 Everything we've done and thought has been based on that fact, 1475 01:02:23,710 --> 01:02:26,146 And we've ignored all the other clues. 1476 01:02:26,146 --> 01:02:27,847 SCHMIDT: What if Cynthia wasn't the buyer? 1477 01:02:28,381 --> 01:02:30,450 What if Cynthia was the dealer? 1478 01:02:30,450 --> 01:02:33,887 Captain, we have something really, really important to tell you about. 1479 01:02:33,887 --> 01:02:34,888 (VELCRO RIPPING) 1480 01:02:38,158 --> 01:02:39,659 Captain? 1481 01:02:39,659 --> 01:02:41,394 Are you wearing kevlar? 1482 01:02:41,394 --> 01:02:45,932 Now, gentlemen, we're not gonna sit here and pretend 1483 01:02:45,932 --> 01:02:48,435 there's not a big-*** elephant in the room. 1484 01:02:48,435 --> 01:02:49,469 What the **** is going on? 1485 01:02:50,603 --> 01:02:52,539 This is what the **** is going on. 1486 01:02:58,712 --> 01:03:01,548 Oh, shit! Oh, shit! 1487 01:03:01,548 --> 01:03:03,830 (LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY) 1488 01:03:04,784 --> 01:03:06,786 Oh, shit! No! 1489 01:03:06,786 --> 01:03:10,357 That is not happening right now! No! 1490 01:03:10,357 --> 01:03:13,760 Hey, y'all, he's ****ing the captain's daughter! Yo! 1491 01:03:13,760 --> 01:03:15,261 Every time he say that shit... 1492 01:03:15,261 --> 01:03:16,830 JENKO: Oh, my ****! 1493 01:03:19,933 --> 01:03:21,201 Oh, my God! This is... 1494 01:03:22,535 --> 01:03:24,104 It's really not that funny. 1495 01:03:25,171 --> 01:03:27,730 SCHMIDT: I just want to say that 1496 01:03:27,730 --> 01:03:31,478 it was bizarre not to share the fact 1497 01:03:31,478 --> 01:03:34,140 that your daughter went to mc state. 1498 01:03:34,140 --> 01:03:35,382 I think it's bizarre 1499 01:03:35,382 --> 01:03:37,751 that I haven't cut your mother****ing nuts off. 1500 01:03:37,751 --> 01:03:41,870 What if captain gets to punch you in the face one time, 1501 01:03:41,870 --> 01:03:42,822 really, really, really hard? 1502 01:03:42,822 --> 01:03:43,823 Nah. 1503 01:03:48,661 --> 01:03:51,631 You think Cynthia was the dealer? 1504 01:03:51,631 --> 01:03:54,834 How the **** we gonna infiltrate the dealer if the dealer is dead? 1505 01:03:54,834 --> 01:03:56,269 We have to stop treating this 1506 01:03:56,269 --> 01:03:58,672 like it's exactly the same as last time. 1507 01:03:58,672 --> 01:04:01,741 And we got a bigger problem. No more money in the budget. 1508 01:04:01,741 --> 01:04:03,209 What? I thought we had Cate blanchett. 1509 01:04:03,843 --> 01:04:05,412 Cate blanchett? 1510 01:04:05,412 --> 01:04:07,914 Yeah, I thought we had Cate blanchett with the budget. 1511 01:04:07,914 --> 01:04:09,449 You mean carte blanche. 1512 01:04:10,350 --> 01:04:11,584 That one. 1513 01:04:11,584 --> 01:04:13,386 Welcome back, dum-dum. 1514 01:04:13,386 --> 01:04:16,623 We did have carte blanche. Not no more. 1515 01:04:16,623 --> 01:04:18,792 You got that expensive chase in the beginning, 1516 01:04:18,792 --> 01:04:22,562 that expensive equipment, this ****ing office... 1517 01:04:22,562 --> 01:04:25,832 This look like some shit iron man would have. Shit's expensive! 1518 01:04:25,832 --> 01:04:29,803 I got on $800 shoes, and you can't even see the mother****ers. 1519 01:04:29,803 --> 01:04:32,238 So now you two mother****ers is in the crosshairs. 1520 01:04:32,238 --> 01:04:33,707 I'm warning you, 1521 01:04:33,707 --> 01:04:35,608 find the supplier, 1522 01:04:35,608 --> 01:04:37,277 but don't cost the department no more money. 1523 01:04:39,379 --> 01:04:42,916 Look, I apologize about the zook thing. 1524 01:04:42,916 --> 01:04:45,251 You were right, he's not the dealer. 1525 01:04:45,251 --> 01:04:46,720 Okay, great. You apologized. 1526 01:04:46,720 --> 01:04:48,121 What's that worth, man? 1527 01:04:48,121 --> 01:04:51,424 Now we have no leads. What are we supposed to do now? 1528 01:04:51,424 --> 01:04:52,425 Police work. 1529 01:04:56,229 --> 01:04:58,398 We're at work right now, okay? 1530 01:04:58,398 --> 01:05:00,667 JENKO: Kids don't check out books anymore, right? 1531 01:05:01,768 --> 01:05:03,503 I don't even think they know how to read. 1532 01:05:06,306 --> 01:05:08,108 Library. Book place. 1533 01:05:08,108 --> 01:05:09,275 Library. 1534 01:05:09,275 --> 01:05:11,344 The supplier is putting drugs 1535 01:05:11,344 --> 01:05:12,445 inside the books in the library, 1536 01:05:12,445 --> 01:05:14,581 where literally no one goes anymore, man. 1537 01:05:14,581 --> 01:05:16,349 And the dealers check out the books. 1538 01:05:16,349 --> 01:05:18,218 We're going to catch the supplier. (CELL PHONE VIBRATING) 1539 01:05:18,218 --> 01:05:19,519 Do you realize how cool... Wait, one sec, one sec. 1540 01:05:19,519 --> 01:05:21,210 What's up, dude? 1541 01:05:21,210 --> 01:05:22,922 Hey, dude, where are you? 1542 01:05:22,922 --> 01:05:25,158 We're warming up. The game's about to start. 1543 01:05:25,158 --> 01:05:26,760 All right, man. Um, look, I'm just gonna... 1544 01:05:26,760 --> 01:05:28,280 I'm coming. 1545 01:05:28,280 --> 01:05:29,262 All right, later. 1546 01:05:29,262 --> 01:05:30,864 What are you doing? Don't leave me hanging. 1547 01:05:30,864 --> 01:05:33,566 Dude, I got to go or I'm gonna blow my cover, okay? 1548 01:05:33,566 --> 01:05:35,350 You can do this alone. I'll be back in two hours. 1549 01:05:35,350 --> 01:05:36,236 You got this. 1550 01:05:44,144 --> 01:05:45,478 (CROWD CHEERING) 1551 01:05:45,478 --> 01:05:46,846 (SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) 1552 01:05:46,846 --> 01:05:48,248 You scared me. 1553 01:05:59,250 --> 01:06:01,928 ZOOK: State name! Number! State name! Number! 1554 01:06:01,928 --> 01:06:03,530 Color! Color! Number! 1555 01:06:04,297 --> 01:06:05,665 MAN: This is the place. 1556 01:06:05,665 --> 01:06:07,233 You'd think if somebody wants to show us their operation, 1557 01:06:07,233 --> 01:06:08,668 they'd at least be on time. 1558 01:06:10,103 --> 01:06:12,505 Look at this crap. Huh? 1559 01:06:12,505 --> 01:06:14,574 I do miss the days... Shit. 1560 01:06:14,574 --> 01:06:16,643 What's he doing here? ...When people did normal drugs. 1561 01:06:17,143 --> 01:06:18,511 What is this? Jelly beans? 1562 01:06:19,713 --> 01:06:20,880 Crap! 1563 01:06:20,880 --> 01:06:22,916 Set, hut! 1564 01:06:22,916 --> 01:06:25,852 BOB: Mcquaid crosses in an end-around. 1565 01:06:25,852 --> 01:06:29,155 It's a trick play! These two are practically interchangeable. 1566 01:06:29,155 --> 01:06:31,424 Mcquaid throws down the field to haythe. 1567 01:06:36,129 --> 01:06:38,980 And he hangs on for the touchdown! 1568 01:06:38,980 --> 01:06:39,666 JIM: These two are peas in a pod, Bob, 1569 01:06:39,666 --> 01:06:41,670 but instead of little green balls, 1570 01:06:41,670 --> 01:06:42,569 they are human football players. 1571 01:06:46,773 --> 01:06:50,677 ANNOUNCER: Let's hear it once again, mc state, for your dynamic duo. 1572 01:06:50,677 --> 01:06:52,178 (CROWD CHEERING) 1573 01:06:53,947 --> 01:06:55,482 Oh, shit. My brother needs me again. 1574 01:06:57,851 --> 01:07:00,253 Look, you know, loyalty's cool, 1575 01:07:00,253 --> 01:07:02,880 and I admire it, 1576 01:07:02,880 --> 01:07:03,256 and I know he's your brother. 1577 01:07:05,225 --> 01:07:06,893 But you can't allow yourself to be held down by a guy 1578 01:07:06,893 --> 01:07:09,596 just because he won't let go. 1579 01:07:13,967 --> 01:07:15,168 JENKO: Yeah. Um... 1580 01:07:17,437 --> 01:07:19,239 I gotta take a piss. 1581 01:07:21,875 --> 01:07:24,440 MAN: The kid's pretty rude to make us wait like this. 1582 01:07:24,440 --> 01:07:25,712 Can you shut it? 1583 01:07:25,712 --> 01:07:27,914 What's wrong with those classic drugs from the '90s? 1584 01:07:27,914 --> 01:07:29,716 Heroin, you know, cocaine... 1585 01:07:29,716 --> 01:07:31,484 Hey, hey. Whoa. Shit. 1586 01:07:31,484 --> 01:07:32,552 I'm ****ing here. You happy? Shh! 1587 01:07:32,552 --> 01:07:34,220 The ghost is right there, okay? 1588 01:07:34,220 --> 01:07:35,689 He's about to meet up with the supplier. 1589 01:07:35,689 --> 01:07:37,624 Hey. Check that out. JENKO: You shush. 1590 01:07:37,624 --> 01:07:39,325 You're the one ****ing talking. You're being so ****ing loud. 1591 01:07:42,280 --> 01:07:43,630 It's okay. It's just a couple of faggots. 1592 01:07:44,130 --> 01:07:45,932 Hey, yo, what the **** did you just say? 1593 01:07:45,932 --> 01:07:47,333 Did you just call us faggots? 1594 01:07:49,369 --> 01:07:50,937 It's 2014, ***hole. 1595 01:07:50,937 --> 01:07:52,505 You can't ****ing use faggot. 1596 01:07:54,641 --> 01:07:57,143 And if you know the person, you might be able to call them a queer. 1597 01:07:57,143 --> 01:07:59,450 If they have a great sense of humor, but I don't. 1598 01:07:59,450 --> 01:08:00,580 I'm sorry, he took one human ***uality class, 1599 01:08:00,580 --> 01:08:01,781 he thinks he's Harvey milk. 1600 01:08:01,781 --> 01:08:03,650 Oh, my God. Will you please, 1601 01:08:03,650 --> 01:08:05,652 just for once, just back me up? 1602 01:08:05,652 --> 01:08:07,253 Why can't you just use your head for once? 1603 01:08:07,253 --> 01:08:08,688 Oh. You want me to use my head? Fine. 1604 01:08:10,990 --> 01:08:12,225 Oh, yeah, what's up now, mother****ers? 1605 01:08:12,225 --> 01:08:13,226 You remember me? 1606 01:08:13,226 --> 01:08:14,494 I'm your best night... 1607 01:08:14,494 --> 01:08:15,862 I'm your worst nightmare. 1608 01:08:15,862 --> 01:08:18,310 Oh, man, it's my memory. 1609 01:08:18,698 --> 01:08:20,266 It's getting worse lately. 1610 01:08:20,266 --> 01:08:22,100 Are you the police? 1611 01:08:22,100 --> 01:08:25,305 Yeah, that's right. And you mother****ers are all under arrest. 1612 01:08:25,305 --> 01:08:26,306 (GHOST CHUCKLES) 1613 01:08:26,539 --> 01:08:28,108 Where's your gun? 1614 01:08:28,108 --> 01:08:29,242 What? Do you have guns? 1615 01:08:30,176 --> 01:08:31,611 No. 1616 01:08:31,611 --> 01:08:33,313 No, I don't. 1617 01:08:33,313 --> 01:08:36,820 'Cause we have guns. 1618 01:08:36,820 --> 01:08:40,186 Well, why don't you put your guns down, and let's fight like men? 1619 01:08:42,555 --> 01:08:44,240 Because we have guns. 1620 01:08:44,240 --> 01:08:45,859 Schmidt, run! Get him! 1621 01:08:45,859 --> 01:08:48,610 Go! Go, go. Go! 1622 01:08:48,610 --> 01:08:49,620 Shit! (GUNS FIRING) 1623 01:08:49,963 --> 01:08:51,531 GHOST: How hard can it be? Shoot them! 1624 01:08:51,531 --> 01:08:52,766 ****, ****, ****! 1625 01:08:52,766 --> 01:08:53,767 Shoot them! Shoot them! 1626 01:08:55,535 --> 01:08:56,903 Come on, this way, it's faster. 1627 01:08:56,903 --> 01:08:58,171 No, just come this... Schmidt! Schmidt! 1628 01:08:58,171 --> 01:08:59,239 (GROANS) 1629 01:09:00,440 --> 01:09:01,441 Hurry up, okay? 1630 01:09:05,912 --> 01:09:07,247 Schmidt, will you hurry up! 1631 01:09:07,247 --> 01:09:08,882 Stop yelling at me! You're distracting me! 1632 01:09:11,518 --> 01:09:12,986 Schmidt, come on! Let's go! 1633 01:09:12,986 --> 01:09:14,821 I can't jump down! I'm not, like, ****ing spider-man! 1634 01:09:14,821 --> 01:09:16,690 I'm gonna get the car. 1635 01:09:20,660 --> 01:09:21,895 Stairs are so much faster. 1636 01:09:21,895 --> 01:09:23,290 (TIRES SCREECHING) 1637 01:09:23,290 --> 01:09:24,731 That's the car you got? 1638 01:09:24,731 --> 01:09:26,299 I'm sorry it's not a ****ing lambo. Shut up and get in. 1639 01:09:26,299 --> 01:09:27,400 Are they even still chasing us? 1640 01:09:27,400 --> 01:09:28,601 Yes, they're still chasing us! 1641 01:09:36,209 --> 01:09:37,610 Why did you do that? We were about to catch the supplier. 1642 01:09:37,610 --> 01:09:38,845 What's wrong with you? 1643 01:09:38,845 --> 01:09:40,113 Look, if you don't say something, 1644 01:09:40,113 --> 01:09:41,881 people will never stop discriminating. 1645 01:09:41,881 --> 01:09:43,483 Will you please do something 1646 01:09:43,483 --> 01:09:44,784 about how slow this thing's going? 1647 01:09:47,287 --> 01:09:48,888 (SCREAMS) 1648 01:09:48,888 --> 01:09:50,900 Oh, shit! Watch out, watch out! 1649 01:09:54,227 --> 01:09:56,290 That is just like a little helmet machine. 1650 01:09:59,466 --> 01:10:00,767 (BOTH SCREAMING) 1651 01:10:06,373 --> 01:10:08,308 We can't destroy any more stuff! 1652 01:10:08,308 --> 01:10:10,877 We can't waste any more of the department's money! 1653 01:10:10,877 --> 01:10:12,212 Watch out for that cash machine! 1654 01:10:15,315 --> 01:10:16,950 ALL: Whoo! 1655 01:10:16,950 --> 01:10:18,118 Which way? Which way? Which way? 1656 01:10:18,118 --> 01:10:19,386 SCHMIDT: Whichever way's cheaper! 1657 01:10:19,586 --> 01:10:21,454 Right? You went right? 1658 01:10:21,454 --> 01:10:22,889 You could've gone in a parking lot, 1659 01:10:22,889 --> 01:10:24,224 you went to the sculpture garden? 1660 01:10:24,224 --> 01:10:25,859 Do you know how expensive that's gonna be? 1661 01:10:30,530 --> 01:10:31,998 Shit! 1662 01:10:31,998 --> 01:10:32,966 It's like they're trying to hit 'em or something. 1663 01:10:32,966 --> 01:10:34,300 I mean, it looks cool, 1664 01:10:34,300 --> 01:10:35,668 but, I mean, it's just so wasteful. 1665 01:10:38,304 --> 01:10:40,440 SCHMIDT: They're destroying everything! 1666 01:10:40,440 --> 01:10:42,676 Captain's gonna kill us! (TIRES SCREECHING) 1667 01:10:42,676 --> 01:10:44,244 What are we gonna do? 1668 01:10:44,244 --> 01:10:45,412 All right, we're gonna lose 'em in the robotics lab. 1669 01:10:45,412 --> 01:10:46,413 What? 1670 01:10:48,381 --> 01:10:49,482 (CLATTERING) 1671 01:10:52,850 --> 01:10:54,421 SCHMIDT: Oh, no! Oh, we broke everything! 1672 01:10:54,421 --> 01:10:56,189 There was a lot of expensive stuff in there! 1673 01:10:57,624 --> 01:10:58,625 Oh, shit! 1674 01:11:00,930 --> 01:11:01,327 They're going into the stadium! 1675 01:11:04,230 --> 01:11:05,932 Listen, schmidt, I gotta tell you something. 1676 01:11:06,733 --> 01:11:07,934 I got offered a scholarship 1677 01:11:07,934 --> 01:11:09,703 to play football here next year. 1678 01:11:09,703 --> 01:11:11,738 And zook said I could room with him, you know, 1679 01:11:11,738 --> 01:11:15,675 so I was thinking that I could do that, maybe. 1680 01:11:15,675 --> 01:11:17,677 What? You can't be a cop 1681 01:11:17,677 --> 01:11:19,446 and stay here and play football with zook. 1682 01:11:19,446 --> 01:11:21,481 No, look, I know, okay? It's just... 1683 01:11:21,481 --> 01:11:23,616 There's no friction with me and zook. We're the same. 1684 01:11:23,616 --> 01:11:25,819 Do you want out? If you want out, just say it. 1685 01:11:25,819 --> 01:11:27,620 No, I don't want out, okay? 1686 01:11:27,620 --> 01:11:29,289 It's just, when I'm on the football field 1687 01:11:29,289 --> 01:11:31,825 and I'm diving for a pass, I feel like I can fly. 1688 01:11:31,825 --> 01:11:33,126 All right? And when I'm with you, 1689 01:11:33,126 --> 01:11:34,527 it just feels like you hold me down. 1690 01:11:36,290 --> 01:11:37,897 I just wish you could fly with me. 1691 01:11:37,897 --> 01:11:40,867 BOB: And the statesmen win, 34-14. 1692 01:11:40,867 --> 01:11:42,769 (ALL CHEERING) JIM: And there go the fans onto the field. 1693 01:11:42,769 --> 01:11:43,770 (TIRES SCREECHING) 1694 01:11:46,339 --> 01:11:47,340 (ALL GROANING) 1695 01:11:49,843 --> 01:11:50,844 SCHMIDT: Jenko! 1696 01:11:51,711 --> 01:11:53,460 Jesus Christ! 1697 01:11:55,348 --> 01:11:56,683 Dude, the brakes are out. What? 1698 01:11:56,683 --> 01:11:58,218 Get the **** out of the way! 1699 01:11:58,218 --> 01:11:59,853 You gotta jump. You gotta jump, jump, jump! 1700 01:12:05,592 --> 01:12:06,593 No. 1701 01:12:09,462 --> 01:12:10,463 (CROWD GASPS) 1702 01:12:10,797 --> 01:12:11,798 (CREAKING) 1703 01:12:16,360 --> 01:12:17,170 ****! 1704 01:12:17,871 --> 01:12:18,872 (CHEERING) 1705 01:12:29,182 --> 01:12:30,583 Let's go, boss. We gotta go. (LAUGHS) 1706 01:12:32,419 --> 01:12:34,454 You did it! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 1707 01:12:36,823 --> 01:12:38,425 You're under arrest, sir. 1708 01:12:38,425 --> 01:12:40,600 Hey, I'm an officer, all right? 1709 01:12:40,600 --> 01:12:42,495 Just take me in. I'll explain later. 1710 01:12:42,495 --> 01:12:44,564 No, no, no. Hey, he's a student. He didn't do anything. 1711 01:12:44,564 --> 01:12:47,534 Wait, wait. What are you doing? What are you doing? 1712 01:12:47,534 --> 01:12:48,535 I, um... 1713 01:12:49,169 --> 01:12:50,670 I decided for you. 1714 01:12:52,172 --> 01:12:55,475 Just stick with football. 1715 01:12:55,475 --> 01:12:58,712 I can't give you the same feeling that these guys can. 1716 01:12:58,712 --> 01:12:59,746 Maybe we were only supposed to do this once. 1717 01:12:59,746 --> 01:13:01,314 What? 1718 01:13:01,314 --> 01:13:02,282 Dude, this is the ****ing best moment of my life! 1719 01:13:02,282 --> 01:13:03,616 Let's go, man! 1720 01:13:06,786 --> 01:13:10,256 ALL: (CHANTING) Mcquaid! Mcquaid! Mcquaid! 1721 01:13:15,962 --> 01:13:17,263 ♪ ♪ 1722 01:13:25,305 --> 01:13:26,573 MAYA: Hey, Maya angelou. 1723 01:13:27,674 --> 01:13:28,975 Thanks for lying to me. 1724 01:13:35,615 --> 01:13:36,616 Aw. 1725 01:13:41,321 --> 01:13:43,556 BOTH: Lam-bros! Yes! 1726 01:13:43,556 --> 01:13:45,892 BOTH: Brad mcquaid! Brad mcquaid! 1727 01:13:45,892 --> 01:13:47,293 Brad mcquaid! Brad... 1728 01:13:54,367 --> 01:13:56,403 How are we doing tonight, sir? Good, thanks. 1729 01:13:56,403 --> 01:13:58,338 Are we waiting on anybody or you dining alone? 1730 01:13:58,338 --> 01:14:00,373 Someone may swing by, but we can... 1731 01:14:00,373 --> 01:14:02,142 We can order without them. 1732 01:14:02,142 --> 01:14:06,446 We have identified and arrested one Dr. Karl Murphy, 1733 01:14:06,446 --> 01:14:09,783 who was found with whyphy residue throughout his office... 1734 01:14:09,783 --> 01:14:13,353 ...and had a close personal relationship with the deceased. 1735 01:14:13,353 --> 01:14:16,560 Exactly like a case we had recently at a high school. 1736 01:14:16,923 --> 01:14:19,920 Exactly the same. 1737 01:14:20,126 --> 01:14:22,295 The case is closed. 1738 01:14:22,295 --> 01:14:24,698 You know, like, what you're gonna do after you're out of here? 1739 01:14:28,902 --> 01:14:31,137 You're not supposed to throw rocks. 1740 01:14:32,639 --> 01:14:33,873 What? 1741 01:14:33,873 --> 01:14:36,376 You're not supposed to throw rocks. 1742 01:14:36,376 --> 01:14:38,144 (GROANS) ♪ I ain't missing you at all 1743 01:14:41,247 --> 01:14:45,585 ♪ since you've been gone away 1744 01:14:45,585 --> 01:14:48,355 the lobster for one person. 1745 01:14:48,355 --> 01:14:50,490 Enough for one person only. 1746 01:14:50,490 --> 01:14:54,194 ♪ No matter what my friends say 1747 01:14:54,194 --> 01:14:55,995 I found something in this whyphy case that caught my attention. 1748 01:14:55,995 --> 01:14:57,697 Get the **** out of my office. 1749 01:14:57,697 --> 01:14:59,165 Sir, you don't... We caught the guy. 1750 01:14:59,165 --> 01:15:00,333 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1751 01:15:00,333 --> 01:15:02,635 BOTH: Yeah! Yeah! 1752 01:15:03,703 --> 01:15:04,704 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1753 01:15:07,374 --> 01:15:10,477 Hey, you want to do anything else other than work out today? 1754 01:15:10,477 --> 01:15:11,711 Like what? 1755 01:15:11,711 --> 01:15:13,346 Come on, dude. They're just lobsters, dude. 1756 01:15:13,346 --> 01:15:14,814 Come on. No, don't be afraid. 1757 01:15:14,814 --> 01:15:16,883 It's gonna claw your face. It's gonna claw your face. 1758 01:15:20,200 --> 01:15:21,554 (ALL CLAPPING) 1759 01:15:23,490 --> 01:15:27,227 It's gonna be like this, dude, for the rest of our lives. 1760 01:15:27,227 --> 01:15:28,661 ♪ ♪ 1761 01:15:28,661 --> 01:15:31,564 ♪ down this long distance line tonight 1762 01:15:31,564 --> 01:15:33,466 ♪ I ain't missing you at all 1763 01:15:36,436 --> 01:15:40,407 ♪ since you've been gone away 1764 01:15:40,407 --> 01:15:42,175 ♪ I ain't missing you 1765 01:15:45,845 --> 01:15:50,216 ♪ no matter what my friends say 1766 01:15:50,216 --> 01:15:52,850 ♪ ain't missing you ♪ 1767 01:15:54,870 --> 01:15:55,221 hey. Hey. 1768 01:15:58,240 --> 01:15:59,859 What are you doing here? 1769 01:15:59,859 --> 01:16:01,828 Just came to see how you are. 1770 01:16:03,129 --> 01:16:04,931 I'm doing ****ing great. 1771 01:16:04,931 --> 01:16:06,433 I'm the happiest I've ever been, 1772 01:16:06,433 --> 01:16:09,200 so I'm just having a great time with myself. 1773 01:16:09,200 --> 01:16:10,804 I'm glad you're having a good time with yourself. 1774 01:16:10,804 --> 01:16:14,107 I'm a solo artist now, like Beyonce. 1775 01:16:14,107 --> 01:16:17,844 I used to have the other destiny's children, but now I'm just, uh, 1776 01:16:17,844 --> 01:16:19,450 a lone superstar. 1777 01:16:19,450 --> 01:16:20,780 Happy for you. 1778 01:16:20,780 --> 01:16:23,683 Just a light-skinned princess with a dream and an amazing voice. 1779 01:16:23,683 --> 01:16:24,684 That's great. 1780 01:16:25,485 --> 01:16:26,486 How are you? 1781 01:16:27,530 --> 01:16:29,556 I'm pretty great. 1782 01:16:29,556 --> 01:16:32,258 I just chill and... You know how chill zook is. 1783 01:16:32,258 --> 01:16:33,326 Zook's such a chill guy. 1784 01:16:33,326 --> 01:16:34,994 Just like ice. 1785 01:16:34,994 --> 01:16:36,830 That makes me so happy for you. 1786 01:16:39,899 --> 01:16:42,202 So, look, I just wanted to say that, like, 1787 01:16:42,202 --> 01:16:44,270 I was thinking about the case, 1788 01:16:44,270 --> 01:16:46,539 and I was worried that they got the wrong guy for it. 1789 01:16:48,308 --> 01:16:49,750 I don't think he's the guy, either. 1790 01:16:49,750 --> 01:16:50,677 Yeah? 1791 01:16:50,677 --> 01:16:52,746 I looked into the ghost's background, 1792 01:16:52,746 --> 01:16:55,815 and I saw that he pays tuition for a student at mc state. 1793 01:16:55,815 --> 01:16:57,550 You think the ghost could be the supplier's dad? 1794 01:16:57,550 --> 01:16:58,818 Maybe. 1795 01:16:58,818 --> 01:16:59,886 Okay, that's a pretty good piece of information. 1796 01:16:59,886 --> 01:17:01,154 Thank you. 1797 01:17:01,154 --> 01:17:03,556 Well, I heard whyphy's coming back in a big way. 1798 01:17:03,556 --> 01:17:05,580 Someone's bringing a shit-ton of that stuff 1799 01:17:05,580 --> 01:17:06,893 down to puerto, Mexico, for spring break. 1800 01:17:06,893 --> 01:17:09,929 And if that happens, whyphy is going viral. 1801 01:17:09,929 --> 01:17:11,398 It's gonna be at every college in the country. 1802 01:17:11,398 --> 01:17:13,633 I think my information was stronger. 1803 01:17:13,633 --> 01:17:15,602 Look, if you... If you want to, 1804 01:17:17,270 --> 01:17:18,304 we could go down there. 1805 01:17:19,406 --> 01:17:21,107 Like together? 1806 01:17:21,107 --> 01:17:22,742 We don't have to put a label on it. 1807 01:17:22,742 --> 01:17:24,944 Just, like, one-time. One-time thing. 1808 01:17:24,944 --> 01:17:27,800 No big commitment or stress to each other. 1809 01:17:30,383 --> 01:17:32,886 What about school and football and your wonderful new life? 1810 01:17:34,187 --> 01:17:35,188 I have time off. 1811 01:17:37,570 --> 01:17:38,558 I'm on spring break. 1812 01:17:39,920 --> 01:17:40,193 ♪ ♪ 1813 01:17:51,971 --> 01:17:53,373 Got room for one of these babies. 1814 01:17:53,373 --> 01:17:55,675 A grenade. Why you gonna put it there? 1815 01:17:55,675 --> 01:17:57,110 That's just unsanitary. 1816 01:17:57,110 --> 01:17:58,111 Feels right. 1817 01:18:09,656 --> 01:18:11,124 Missed a spot. 1818 01:18:22,769 --> 01:18:24,571 You know this is just a one-time thing, right? 1819 01:18:25,739 --> 01:18:26,873 I know. 1820 01:18:28,208 --> 01:18:30,410 So you're not gonna be weird about this? 1821 01:18:34,714 --> 01:18:35,882 Okay. 1822 01:18:40,553 --> 01:18:41,554 BOTH: Perfect. 1823 01:18:42,689 --> 01:18:44,424 Spring break, mother****er. 1824 01:18:48,940 --> 01:18:49,529 Did you not see that I was going first? Excuse you. 1825 01:18:49,529 --> 01:18:51,598 Excuse you. You want to go first? 1826 01:18:51,598 --> 01:18:53,566 EMCEE: Spring break, mother****ers! 1827 01:18:54,534 --> 01:18:55,735 (CROWD CHEERING) 1828 01:18:55,735 --> 01:18:57,237 ♪ ♪ 1829 01:18:57,237 --> 01:18:59,305 ♪ I be divin' in the crowd 1830 01:18:59,305 --> 01:19:00,840 ♪ shake my dreads, actin' wild 1831 01:19:00,840 --> 01:19:02,509 ♪ can't do lean, too blowed out 1832 01:19:02,509 --> 01:19:04,310 ♪ too turnt up, I can't turn down 1833 01:19:04,310 --> 01:19:05,779 ♪ can't turn down can't turn down 1834 01:19:05,779 --> 01:19:07,147 ♪ can't turn down 1835 01:19:11,818 --> 01:19:12,952 hey. 1836 01:19:22,262 --> 01:19:24,164 ♪ All I wanna do is party 1837 01:19:24,164 --> 01:19:25,665 ♪ my head keep on spinning around 1838 01:19:25,665 --> 01:19:27,330 ♪ baby girl, why don't you first 1839 01:19:27,330 --> 01:19:28,902 ♪ drop it to the ground 1840 01:19:28,902 --> 01:19:30,670 ♪ I be divin' in the crowd 1841 01:19:30,670 --> 01:19:32,138 ♪ shake my dreads, actin' wild 1842 01:19:32,138 --> 01:19:33,907 ♪ can't do lean, too blowed out 1843 01:19:33,907 --> 01:19:35,742 ♪ too turnt up, I can't turn down 1844 01:19:35,742 --> 01:19:37,344 ♪ can't turn down can't turn down 1845 01:19:37,344 --> 01:19:38,878 ♪ can't turn down can't turn down 1846 01:19:38,878 --> 01:19:40,647 ♪ can't turn down can't turn down 1847 01:19:40,647 --> 01:19:42,820 ♪ can't turn down can't turn down ♪ 1848 01:19:46,753 --> 01:19:49,220 my gosh! I'm sweaty. 1849 01:19:49,220 --> 01:19:50,123 You guys are actually eating stuff in here? 1850 01:19:50,623 --> 01:19:52,258 That's so crazy. 1851 01:19:55,161 --> 01:19:56,663 Upstairs, upstairs. Let's go. 1852 01:19:59,132 --> 01:20:00,900 MERCEDES: Okay, so here's the plan. 1853 01:20:00,900 --> 01:20:05,500 We're gonna get all these kids at spring break hooked on whyphy. 1854 01:20:05,500 --> 01:20:07,700 Then you're gonna bring it back to your turf, 1855 01:20:07,700 --> 01:20:09,109 and you're gonna sell the shit out of it. 1856 01:20:09,109 --> 01:20:11,845 Sell shit out of it. Do you see that? 1857 01:20:11,845 --> 01:20:15,648 And if you rat me out, I framed my psych prof just for giving me a b-minus. 1858 01:20:15,648 --> 01:20:18,151 He's in jail now, so don't **** with me. 1859 01:20:19,552 --> 01:20:20,687 We're gonna build a nationwide network. 1860 01:20:20,687 --> 01:20:23,890 What? What the **** are you doing? Be quiet. 1861 01:20:23,890 --> 01:20:25,558 Why don't you sell those old classic drugs 1862 01:20:25,558 --> 01:20:28,628 from the '90s, like cocaine, heroin and... 1863 01:20:28,628 --> 01:20:31,331 Dad, those are, like, old-people drugs. 1864 01:20:31,331 --> 01:20:33,199 That's, like, what they did on the golden girls. 1865 01:20:33,199 --> 01:20:34,768 Like, blanche did heroin. 1866 01:20:34,768 --> 01:20:37,103 All right, I'll just sit here and be silent. 1867 01:20:37,103 --> 01:20:39,706 Blanche never did heroin. 1868 01:20:39,706 --> 01:20:41,908 Okay, so, yangs, you'll take my dead roommate's spot. 1869 01:20:41,908 --> 01:20:43,243 Cool. Dope. 1870 01:20:43,243 --> 01:20:45,111 Are you kidding me, yangs? Are you ****ing high? 1871 01:20:45,111 --> 01:20:46,913 Of course. Yeah, I am. 1872 01:20:46,913 --> 01:20:48,214 Jesus Christ, have you ever heard of, 1873 01:20:48,214 --> 01:20:49,649 don't get high on your own supply? 1874 01:20:49,649 --> 01:20:50,784 We didn't. Nah. 1875 01:20:50,784 --> 01:20:52,180 I didn't do that. 1876 01:20:52,180 --> 01:20:53,620 Yeah, I used his and he used mine. 1877 01:20:53,620 --> 01:20:55,922 Okay, well, now I have to make a ****ing example out of you. 1878 01:20:56,990 --> 01:20:57,791 That's a gun. Yeah. 1879 01:20:57,791 --> 01:20:59,626 Who first? 1880 01:20:59,626 --> 01:21:01,327 You want to go first? I don't want to die. 1881 01:21:01,327 --> 01:21:02,762 You die... I don't want to die. 1882 01:21:02,762 --> 01:21:04,264 You want to do rock paper scissors? Rock paper scissors? 1883 01:21:04,264 --> 01:21:05,598 That's how we'll do it. That's how we'll do it. 1884 01:21:05,999 --> 01:21:07,133 ****. 1885 01:21:07,600 --> 01:21:08,802 ****. 1886 01:21:08,802 --> 01:21:10,203 ****. 1887 01:21:10,203 --> 01:21:11,571 Yeah, we won't figure this out. 1888 01:21:11,571 --> 01:21:13,173 I'll shoot both of you. GHOST: Darling. 1889 01:21:13,173 --> 01:21:15,542 If you're going into the family business, 1890 01:21:15,542 --> 01:21:17,444 you will have to have a clean record. 1891 01:21:17,444 --> 01:21:20,146 That's why we have these guys to do it for us. 1892 01:21:21,648 --> 01:21:23,717 BOTH: Oh, ****. Jinx. 1893 01:21:23,717 --> 01:21:24,684 We got to move right now. 1894 01:21:24,684 --> 01:21:27,354 BOTH: Buy me a coke in heaven. Jinx again. 1895 01:21:27,354 --> 01:21:28,822 Put your guns down! ****ing guns down! 1896 01:21:29,890 --> 01:21:30,423 Doug? 1897 01:21:30,423 --> 01:21:32,892 My name's not Doug, it's schmidt. 1898 01:21:32,892 --> 01:21:34,694 And guess what, we're cops. Boom. 1899 01:21:35,929 --> 01:21:37,397 Oh, my God. 1900 01:21:37,397 --> 01:21:39,632 Yeah, everybody knows. Really? 1901 01:21:39,632 --> 01:21:43,690 You guys look like the stars of a cop show called Hawaiian dads. 1902 01:21:43,690 --> 01:21:45,672 All right, enough is enough. Boys, move in! 1903 01:21:45,672 --> 01:21:47,507 Oh, do we have company? GHOST: Yeah! 1904 01:21:48,975 --> 01:21:50,777 Drop your guns. Drop yours first. 1905 01:21:50,777 --> 01:21:53,113 We have way more guns than you. Drop your ****ing guns. 1906 01:21:53,113 --> 01:21:54,314 Okay, that's a good point. 1907 01:21:54,314 --> 01:21:56,490 Wow. (LAUGHS) 1908 01:21:56,490 --> 01:21:58,685 I mean, was this really your entire plan? 1909 01:21:58,685 --> 01:22:00,120 Coming in here with no backup? 1910 01:22:00,120 --> 01:22:03,156 Or maybe we had a far more elaborate plan. Mmm-hmm. 1911 01:22:03,156 --> 01:22:05,492 Maybe my partner has a tracking device in his pocket right now. 1912 01:22:05,492 --> 01:22:06,726 May... what? 1913 01:22:06,726 --> 01:22:08,395 You had the ****ing tracking device. I don't have it. 1914 01:22:08,395 --> 01:22:10,300 That's the one ****ing thing you were supposed to remember. 1915 01:22:10,300 --> 01:22:11,931 JENKO: You're the smart person. You do the tracking device shit. 1916 01:22:11,931 --> 01:22:13,666 That's your domain. I do the physical shit. 1917 01:22:13,666 --> 01:22:15,769 SCHMIDT: You know what, I may drag you down sometimes, 1918 01:22:15,769 --> 01:22:18,805 but every possible time you can do something dumb, 1919 01:22:18,805 --> 01:22:20,273 you do the dumbest possible thing. 1920 01:22:20,273 --> 01:22:21,941 No, the ****ing dumbest possible thing 1921 01:22:21,941 --> 01:22:23,777 is letting two cops blah-blah-blah 1922 01:22:23,777 --> 01:22:26,346 while other cops are getting in position to bust their shit in. 1923 01:22:26,346 --> 01:22:28,140 Oh, so you mean I brought the tracking device. 1924 01:22:28,140 --> 01:22:30,830 Yeah. What's up now, huh? 1925 01:22:30,830 --> 01:22:31,618 That seemed like such a real argument. 1926 01:22:31,618 --> 01:22:32,986 That's improv, *****. 1927 01:22:32,986 --> 01:22:34,120 Move! 1928 01:22:35,889 --> 01:22:37,157 Spring break yourself, fool. 1929 01:22:44,330 --> 01:22:46,733 We're here, as well. 1930 01:22:46,733 --> 01:22:49,769 We jump street, and we about to jump in yo' ***. 1931 01:22:50,870 --> 01:22:52,472 Right in the crack. 1932 01:22:52,472 --> 01:22:53,840 Don't do it, leatherface. 1933 01:22:53,840 --> 01:22:54,841 (GUNS FIRING) 1934 01:22:56,309 --> 01:22:57,310 (SHOUTING) 1935 01:23:00,280 --> 01:23:01,348 DICKSON: He's got the drugs! 1936 01:23:06,720 --> 01:23:09,550 This is so boring. No one's getting shot. 1937 01:23:09,550 --> 01:23:10,560 (GRUNTS) 1938 01:23:10,924 --> 01:23:12,359 (LAUGHS) Oh, my God. 1939 01:23:12,359 --> 01:23:15,729 Did you just get shot, like, right after I ****ing said that? 1940 01:23:18,264 --> 01:23:19,265 Can I have your gun? It's bigger. 1941 01:23:19,265 --> 01:23:20,800 (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) 1942 01:23:20,800 --> 01:23:21,801 Stop! I'll shoot you in the ***! 1943 01:23:21,801 --> 01:23:22,802 Dad! 1944 01:23:24,700 --> 01:23:26,139 Maya? 1945 01:23:26,139 --> 01:23:27,707 What are you doing here? 1946 01:23:27,707 --> 01:23:28,842 This is a shoot-out. 1947 01:23:28,842 --> 01:23:30,443 You know what happens in a shoot-out. 1948 01:23:30,443 --> 01:23:32,312 They always kidnap the girl. 1949 01:23:32,312 --> 01:23:33,646 Not always. 1950 01:23:33,646 --> 01:23:35,382 Mercedes? You're coming with me. 1951 01:23:35,382 --> 01:23:37,350 *****, please. I ain't going nowhere with you. 1952 01:23:37,350 --> 01:23:38,785 (GUNSHOT) (SCREAMS) 1953 01:23:38,785 --> 01:23:39,819 (GROANS) 1954 01:23:39,819 --> 01:23:41,540 Now. 1955 01:23:41,540 --> 01:23:42,155 Dad, what do I do? 1956 01:23:42,155 --> 01:23:43,156 Is that my bathing suit? 1957 01:23:44,924 --> 01:23:46,920 (ALL SCREAMING) 1958 01:23:46,920 --> 01:23:47,360 Just ask. It's polite. 1959 01:23:49,329 --> 01:23:50,764 You shot me in my foot! Wait! 1960 01:23:50,764 --> 01:23:52,432 Move! Move faster now! 1961 01:23:52,432 --> 01:23:55,100 I'm taking my time. Shit, you shot me in my goddamn foot. 1962 01:23:55,100 --> 01:23:56,202 Doug? Doug! 1963 01:23:56,202 --> 01:23:57,570 Maya! 1964 01:23:57,570 --> 01:23:59,390 Mercedes just took my dad that way! 1965 01:23:59,390 --> 01:24:00,407 Okay, we're on it. 1966 01:24:02,342 --> 01:24:05,278 DICKSON: If I die, I'm gonna kill both of you mother****ers! 1967 01:24:05,278 --> 01:24:07,347 ****. How are we gonna catch him now? (ENGINE REVVING) 1968 01:24:09,983 --> 01:24:11,351 Lambo. 1969 01:24:14,421 --> 01:24:15,922 Policia! Policia! **** off. 1970 01:24:16,923 --> 01:24:17,924 Shit, there's ghost! 1971 01:24:18,892 --> 01:24:20,600 What? What do we do? 1972 01:24:20,600 --> 01:24:21,428 Uh, we need to split up. 1973 01:24:22,162 --> 01:24:24,970 Are you okay with that? 1974 01:24:24,970 --> 01:24:25,165 Yeah, I can do it. 1975 01:24:25,165 --> 01:24:26,499 Are you sure? 1976 01:24:26,499 --> 01:24:28,301 I need to drive, 'cause you're faster on foot. 1977 01:24:28,301 --> 01:24:29,769 What? I don't get to drive the lambo? 1978 01:24:29,769 --> 01:24:31,705 No, you don't. Come on, let's go! 1979 01:24:31,705 --> 01:24:33,540 But I want... Who gives a shit about the lambo? Just go! 1980 01:24:33,540 --> 01:24:34,641 Let go of the ****ing keys! I can't let 'em go. 1981 01:24:34,641 --> 01:24:35,842 You're gonna have to take 'em. 1982 01:24:35,842 --> 01:24:37,877 Take care of her, okay? It'll be glorious, I promise. 1983 01:24:38,978 --> 01:24:40,800 How do you drive this thing? 1984 01:24:40,647 --> 01:24:42,215 You got to let her drive you, bro. 1985 01:24:42,215 --> 01:24:43,283 (GRUNTING) 1986 01:24:44,951 --> 01:24:46,319 SCHMIDT: I can't get in. 1987 01:24:49,550 --> 01:24:50,223 (TIRES SCREECHING) Hey! 1988 01:24:50,223 --> 01:24:51,458 Look where you're going! 1989 01:24:52,125 --> 01:24:53,126 (CAR HONKING) 1990 01:24:54,327 --> 01:24:55,495 It's so confusing! 1991 01:25:02,369 --> 01:25:03,937 Easy, *****. My hands are hurting. 1992 01:25:06,606 --> 01:25:07,607 Whoa! 1993 01:25:11,644 --> 01:25:13,380 You know who's behind us in that car? 1994 01:25:13,380 --> 01:25:15,315 That's one of the best drivers that we got. 1995 01:25:16,160 --> 01:25:17,150 ****! 1996 01:25:17,150 --> 01:25:19,285 Oh, shit. 1997 01:25:19,285 --> 01:25:20,920 SCHMIDT: ****ing complicated. What is this? 1998 01:25:22,322 --> 01:25:23,590 Holy shit! 1999 01:25:29,929 --> 01:25:30,930 **** you, doves! 2000 01:25:39,406 --> 01:25:41,908 EMCEE: Puerto, Mexico, let's hear you get crazy! 2001 01:25:41,908 --> 01:25:42,909 (ALL CHEERING) 2002 01:25:47,313 --> 01:25:48,448 It's like a Batmobile. 2003 01:25:48,448 --> 01:25:49,482 Come on, schmidt! 2004 01:25:52,352 --> 01:25:53,586 Old man coming through! 2005 01:25:56,220 --> 01:25:57,290 Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. 2006 01:25:57,290 --> 01:26:00,360 Brad! Spring break! 2007 01:26:00,360 --> 01:26:01,594 JENKO: Look, I can't, all right? 2008 01:26:02,529 --> 01:26:04,264 Dude, I got to go. I got to go. 2009 01:26:04,264 --> 01:26:05,765 This is quite enough. 2010 01:26:05,765 --> 01:26:07,634 You need to let me go and drop all this. 2011 01:26:09,369 --> 01:26:10,370 Get out of the way! 2012 01:26:14,741 --> 01:26:17,844 Tokyo drift! 2013 01:26:20,800 --> 01:26:22,549 That was way too fast and pretty... 2014 01:26:22,549 --> 01:26:24,351 Way too... A little bit too furious. 2015 01:26:24,351 --> 01:26:26,753 Schmidt! Get over here! I'm handcuffed! 2016 01:26:26,753 --> 01:26:28,388 (GUNSHOT) (ALL GASP) 2017 01:26:28,388 --> 01:26:30,423 Give it up, ***hole! And nice parking job! 2018 01:26:30,423 --> 01:26:32,250 ****! I'll be right back. 2019 01:26:32,250 --> 01:26:33,393 I gotta go. I'll be right back. Sorry. 2020 01:26:33,393 --> 01:26:35,395 That's a direct order, mother****er! Come over here! 2021 01:26:43,870 --> 01:26:45,739 MERCEDES: You are so old and weak! 2022 01:26:45,739 --> 01:26:48,740 Drop the ****ing gun! Seriously! 2023 01:26:48,740 --> 01:26:49,642 MERCEDES: Get your wrinkly hands off me! 2024 01:26:54,140 --> 01:26:55,148 Where the hell have you been? 2025 01:26:55,148 --> 01:26:56,483 Looking for you. 2026 01:26:56,483 --> 01:26:58,151 I've been running like crazy! 2027 01:26:58,151 --> 01:26:59,419 Hey! Hey. 2028 01:27:03,990 --> 01:27:05,358 Get up, old man river! 2029 01:27:06,920 --> 01:27:07,961 Come on! Hey. 2030 01:27:07,961 --> 01:27:09,462 Get up and hit me, you ****ing *****! 2031 01:27:09,462 --> 01:27:11,464 I'm not gonna fight a girl, so just stop! 2032 01:27:11,464 --> 01:27:12,832 It shouldn't matter. 2033 01:27:12,832 --> 01:27:14,834 If you thought of me as a person instead of a woman, 2034 01:27:14,834 --> 01:27:16,503 you would hit me and not feel bad about it. 2035 01:27:18,238 --> 01:27:19,906 Okay. Bring it! 2036 01:27:19,906 --> 01:27:21,441 I'm ready. 2037 01:27:21,441 --> 01:27:22,976 It's on now, dawg. 2038 01:27:23,476 --> 01:27:24,778 Girl fight. 2039 01:27:25,478 --> 01:27:26,846 (BOTH GRUNT) 2040 01:27:26,846 --> 01:27:29,182 Oh. Oh. Oh, my God. 2041 01:27:29,182 --> 01:27:30,750 Is there blood in my eye? Oh, my God. Are you all right? 2042 01:27:30,750 --> 01:27:32,185 I think there's blood in my eye. 2043 01:27:32,185 --> 01:27:33,787 ****ing learn how to hit! 2044 01:27:33,787 --> 01:27:34,788 (GRUNTS) 2045 01:27:35,722 --> 01:27:37,424 That's a little better! 2046 01:27:37,424 --> 01:27:39,526 That's a little better, mother****er! Come on! Come on! 2047 01:27:39,959 --> 01:27:40,994 (GRUNTS) 2048 01:27:43,196 --> 01:27:45,298 No! No! What? 2049 01:27:45,298 --> 01:27:47,233 What were you doing? What am I doing? 2050 01:27:47,233 --> 01:27:48,501 Why'd you try to kiss me? 2051 01:27:48,501 --> 01:27:49,669 I didn't ****ing try and kiss you! 2052 01:27:49,669 --> 01:27:51,871 Yes, you did. Ooh, you're so weird! 2053 01:27:51,871 --> 01:27:53,707 You're ****ing Mr. and Mrs. Smith-ing me. 2054 01:27:53,707 --> 01:27:55,208 I'm not Mr. and Mrs. Smith-ing you. 2055 01:27:55,208 --> 01:27:56,576 This wasn't a ***y fight. 2056 01:27:56,576 --> 01:27:58,878 Oh, like you haven't wanted to kiss me the whole time. 2057 01:27:58,878 --> 01:28:01,214 I never once wanted to kiss you! 2058 01:28:01,214 --> 01:28:03,830 Never! No! 2059 01:28:03,830 --> 01:28:04,184 You just did it again! Stop it! Stop! 2060 01:28:04,184 --> 01:28:05,719 You're making a face that is ***y! 2061 01:28:05,719 --> 01:28:07,520 I don't even want to kiss you! 2062 01:28:07,520 --> 01:28:08,888 Then stop trying! 2063 01:28:08,888 --> 01:28:10,323 You keep trying! 2064 01:28:10,323 --> 01:28:11,958 I've never tried to kiss you. 2065 01:28:11,958 --> 01:28:12,892 You gave me kiss me eyes. 2066 01:28:12,892 --> 01:28:14,294 No, I didn't. 2067 01:28:14,294 --> 01:28:16,129 The eyes were I just got punched in the face eyes. 2068 01:28:16,129 --> 01:28:17,397 They weren't kiss me eyes. 2069 01:28:17,397 --> 01:28:18,631 I don't even like you! 2070 01:28:18,631 --> 01:28:20,400 Neither do I, so stop kissing me! 2071 01:28:20,400 --> 01:28:21,534 Okay! 2072 01:28:22,769 --> 01:28:24,537 No! You're leaning in again! 2073 01:28:24,537 --> 01:28:26,720 I didn't know if we were gonna punch or kiss! 2074 01:28:26,720 --> 01:28:27,574 You're making this so uncomfortable. 2075 01:28:27,574 --> 01:28:30,443 This is the most uncomfortable fistfight I've ever been in. 2076 01:28:30,443 --> 01:28:31,978 I'm gonna give you an out by punching you in the face. 2077 01:28:31,978 --> 01:28:33,446 Okay? Okay. 2078 01:28:33,446 --> 01:28:35,148 And then we're gonna go back to fighting 2079 01:28:35,148 --> 01:28:36,416 and we'll pretend this never happened, 2080 01:28:36,416 --> 01:28:37,484 'cause I feel so awkward. 2081 01:28:46,693 --> 01:28:48,610 I want to see you get crazy! 2082 01:28:53,466 --> 01:28:54,467 Whoo! 2083 01:29:07,414 --> 01:29:08,415 (VOMITING) 2084 01:29:10,850 --> 01:29:12,752 I ****ing hate spring break! 2085 01:29:15,955 --> 01:29:17,223 ****! 2086 01:29:17,223 --> 01:29:18,224 Ow! 2087 01:29:22,796 --> 01:29:24,297 Are you kidding me? It's plastic. 2088 01:29:24,297 --> 01:29:25,932 Doesn't even hurt! Okay... 2089 01:29:25,932 --> 01:29:27,500 This isn't the spring break you imagined? 2090 01:29:28,340 --> 01:29:29,690 How about this? You want a little fun? 2091 01:29:29,690 --> 01:29:30,170 What is that? 2092 01:29:30,170 --> 01:29:31,471 Get wet, baby! 2093 01:29:31,471 --> 01:29:33,139 So much lube in my face! 2094 01:29:41,470 --> 01:29:42,215 Hey! 2095 01:29:42,982 --> 01:29:44,184 Hey! 2096 01:29:44,184 --> 01:29:45,418 (PEOPLE GASP) 2097 01:29:45,418 --> 01:29:46,953 What? What are you gonna do? 2098 01:29:46,953 --> 01:29:49,155 Choke me with your liver-spotted hands? 2099 01:29:49,155 --> 01:29:50,924 You gonna push me over with your Walker? 2100 01:29:50,924 --> 01:29:52,525 I'm impressed you caught up to me. 2101 01:29:52,525 --> 01:29:53,827 You probably haven't run that fast 2102 01:29:53,827 --> 01:29:55,295 since you played stickball in the field 2103 01:29:55,295 --> 01:29:57,197 behind old pop wiggleby's sweet shop. 2104 01:29:58,980 --> 01:29:59,866 Freeze, *****. Oh, thank God. 2105 01:29:59,866 --> 01:30:02,435 Look who got off the mother****ing leash. 2106 01:30:02,435 --> 01:30:03,870 Now who's the damsel in distress? SCHMIDT: ****! 2107 01:30:03,870 --> 01:30:06,272 Well, I guess it's him. 2108 01:30:06,272 --> 01:30:07,440 I don't have a clean shot, schmidt. 2109 01:30:07,440 --> 01:30:08,708 Then don't take the shot! 2110 01:30:08,708 --> 01:30:10,777 Maybe I want to take a dirty shot. 2111 01:30:10,777 --> 01:30:12,912 Kind of like the dirty shot you took on my daughter. 2112 01:30:12,912 --> 01:30:16,149 I didn't take a dirty shot on your daughter, okay? 2113 01:30:16,149 --> 01:30:18,885 We talked a lot, and we care about each other. 2114 01:30:18,885 --> 01:30:20,553 All the good qualities you have, 2115 01:30:20,553 --> 01:30:22,489 I can feel inside of Maya. 2116 01:30:22,489 --> 01:30:23,723 I'm gonna take the shot. 2117 01:30:23,723 --> 01:30:25,425 Don't take the shot. 2118 01:30:25,425 --> 01:30:26,693 I can shoot right through your shoulder, 2119 01:30:26,693 --> 01:30:28,294 hit the ***** right in the chest. 2120 01:30:28,294 --> 01:30:30,130 Don't take the shot. I'm taking the shot. 2121 01:30:30,130 --> 01:30:31,364 I'll take the ****ing shot. 2122 01:30:31,364 --> 01:30:32,966 Nobody take the shot before me. 2123 01:30:32,966 --> 01:30:34,801 MERCEDES: How about we take it at the same time? No one take a shot. 2124 01:30:34,801 --> 01:30:36,403 Wait, wait, wait, wait! 2125 01:30:39,472 --> 01:30:41,541 Shit! You have the right to remain silent... 2126 01:30:41,541 --> 01:30:42,876 DICKSON: No, no, no, I got this. 2127 01:30:42,876 --> 01:30:44,644 You go handle the ghost. He's on the roof. 2128 01:30:44,644 --> 01:30:46,212 I'm on it. I got it. 2129 01:30:46,212 --> 01:30:48,314 DICKSON: What you looking at? Oh! 2130 01:30:48,314 --> 01:30:49,816 Good job on the cuffs, baby girl. 2131 01:30:56,322 --> 01:30:57,891 (PANTING) 2132 01:30:57,891 --> 01:30:59,592 So many ****ing stairs. 2133 01:31:05,298 --> 01:31:07,567 It's me! It's me! Shit. 2134 01:31:07,567 --> 01:31:08,601 (CHUCKLES) You made it, dude. Did you get Mercedes? 2135 01:31:09,402 --> 01:31:10,904 Yeah. All by myself. 2136 01:31:10,904 --> 01:31:12,639 Really? 2137 01:31:12,639 --> 01:31:15,241 Mainly by myself. Okay. 2138 01:31:15,241 --> 01:31:17,177 And, dude, you were right, that lambo... 2139 01:31:17,177 --> 01:31:18,578 Just can't hear that right now. 2140 01:31:18,578 --> 01:31:20,113 It's a shitty-made car. It's not good. 2141 01:31:20,113 --> 01:31:21,381 Hey, let's go. We got to go. 2142 01:31:21,381 --> 01:31:22,582 How many bullets you got left? 2143 01:31:23,490 --> 01:31:24,851 None. 2144 01:31:24,851 --> 01:31:26,119 Act like you have bullets, then. 2145 01:31:33,126 --> 01:31:34,427 (HELICOPTER WHIRRING) 2146 01:31:37,197 --> 01:31:38,965 We gotta go! 2147 01:31:38,965 --> 01:31:40,660 We have to wait for pudding! 2148 01:31:46,940 --> 01:31:49,642 Jenko! 2149 01:32:01,621 --> 01:32:02,689 Go, go! 2150 01:32:04,758 --> 01:32:06,590 (GRUNTS) 2151 01:32:06,590 --> 01:32:07,727 Here, take this. Okay. 2152 01:32:07,727 --> 01:32:08,828 I tried to take a bullet for you, man. 2153 01:32:08,828 --> 01:32:10,196 Yeah. But you didn't. 2154 01:32:10,196 --> 01:32:12,232 But I tried. It's the thought that matters. 2155 01:32:12,232 --> 01:32:13,400 No, it's not the thought that counts. 2156 01:32:13,400 --> 01:32:14,634 It's ****ing taking the bullet. 2157 01:32:18,872 --> 01:32:20,600 Cover me. I'm gonna go long. 2158 01:32:20,640 --> 01:32:21,741 Okay. 2159 01:32:27,681 --> 01:32:28,682 (CLICKS) 2160 01:32:38,391 --> 01:32:39,459 (GRUNTS) 2161 01:32:45,832 --> 01:32:48,535 Bye-bye, Terminator! 2162 01:33:02,449 --> 01:33:04,840 Hey! Get off of my chopper! 2163 01:33:05,118 --> 01:33:06,686 Can you shake him off? 2164 01:33:06,686 --> 01:33:09,550 I'm coming for you, mother****er! 2165 01:33:09,550 --> 01:33:11,910 GHOST: Come on, just wiggle the stick back and forth! 2166 01:33:12,525 --> 01:33:13,960 He's only got one arm! 2167 01:33:17,464 --> 01:33:18,665 Shake him off! Shake him off! 2168 01:33:19,366 --> 01:33:20,867 Don't be a *****! 2169 01:33:50,263 --> 01:33:51,264 (SCREAMS) 2170 01:33:52,866 --> 01:33:54,434 Holy shit! 2171 01:33:54,434 --> 01:33:56,336 SCHMIDT: I did it! 2172 01:33:56,336 --> 01:33:58,104 I look so ****ing bad***! 2173 01:33:58,104 --> 01:33:59,205 Oh, my God, you flew! 2174 01:33:59,205 --> 01:34:00,273 This is crazy! 2175 01:34:00,273 --> 01:34:01,474 You made the leap, man! 2176 01:34:01,474 --> 01:34:02,842 Why'd you do that? 2177 01:34:02,842 --> 01:34:04,511 SCHMIDT: 'Cause you did it! 2178 01:34:04,511 --> 01:34:05,912 I couldn't leave you hanging, man! 2179 01:34:05,912 --> 01:34:07,247 What are you talking about? I was fine. I had it. 2180 01:34:07,247 --> 01:34:08,248 You weren't... 2181 01:34:14,540 --> 01:34:15,588 (GRUNTING) 2182 01:34:15,588 --> 01:34:17,524 I got you! Shit! Schmidt! 2183 01:34:17,524 --> 01:34:18,692 I got you! 2184 01:34:18,692 --> 01:34:19,893 You saved my life! 2185 01:34:20,460 --> 01:34:21,494 (SCHMIDT YELLS) 2186 01:34:30,170 --> 01:34:31,171 (CHEERING) 2187 01:34:32,138 --> 01:34:34,407 I just realized something. 2188 01:34:34,407 --> 01:34:36,343 You don't hold me down, man. 2189 01:34:36,343 --> 01:34:37,577 You lift me up. 2190 01:34:37,577 --> 01:34:40,800 Literally and figuratively. 2191 01:34:40,800 --> 01:34:41,114 Yeah, I know. I meant both. 2192 01:34:41,981 --> 01:34:43,850 You don't drag me down, either, man. 2193 01:34:43,850 --> 01:34:45,485 I mean, except right now. 2194 01:34:45,485 --> 01:34:47,921 You're dragging me down. You're really heavy. 2195 01:34:47,921 --> 01:34:49,956 Hey, listen, there's a grenade in my shorts. 2196 01:34:49,956 --> 01:34:51,191 Can you reach it? 2197 01:34:51,191 --> 01:34:52,859 You gotta go in from underneath. 2198 01:34:52,859 --> 01:34:53,960 Oh, shit! 2199 01:34:54,761 --> 01:34:55,929 Yes! 2200 01:34:55,929 --> 01:34:57,630 No, I got it in my mouth. 2201 01:34:57,630 --> 01:34:58,932 Say something cool when you throw it! 2202 01:34:58,932 --> 01:35:00,900 One, two, three! 2203 01:35:02,769 --> 01:35:04,938 Something cool! 2204 01:35:10,343 --> 01:35:11,344 They're gone! 2205 01:35:12,645 --> 01:35:14,280 Oh, I feel so... 2206 01:35:20,587 --> 01:35:21,855 Whoo-hoo! 2207 01:35:22,622 --> 01:35:23,890 (CHEERING) 2208 01:35:40,974 --> 01:35:42,275 We did it! 2209 01:35:42,275 --> 01:35:43,443 Dude, ****, I'm... ow! 2210 01:35:43,443 --> 01:35:45,478 Oh! Shit, sorry. 2211 01:35:45,478 --> 01:35:46,813 Dude, I miss you so much, man. 2212 01:35:46,813 --> 01:35:48,314 I miss you, too. 2213 01:35:48,314 --> 01:35:50,216 You were like a tiny little flower seed 2214 01:35:50,216 --> 01:35:52,819 and I was clenching you in my fist. 2215 01:35:52,819 --> 01:35:55,288 But a flower, it can't grow in a fist. 2216 01:35:55,288 --> 01:35:58,625 A little seed needs to fly away free and find its soil. 2217 01:35:58,625 --> 01:36:01,661 Yeah, I know. I tried to soil myself and, dude, I didn't like it. 2218 01:36:01,661 --> 01:36:03,897 I wanted a relationship without friction. 2219 01:36:03,897 --> 01:36:05,999 Dude, you need friction to create fire. 2220 01:36:05,999 --> 01:36:08,768 And that's what we have, we have fire. 2221 01:36:08,768 --> 01:36:11,400 Dude, I'm in. I'm all in. 2222 01:36:11,400 --> 01:36:12,505 Thank God. 2223 01:36:12,505 --> 01:36:15,342 Dude, this is what I've always wanted. Just me and you, buddy. 2224 01:36:15,342 --> 01:36:16,743 I love you. 2225 01:36:16,743 --> 01:36:18,111 Me, too, man. I love you, man. 2226 01:36:18,912 --> 01:36:20,714 You know what? 2227 01:36:20,714 --> 01:36:22,150 That's who he should be with, man. 2228 01:36:23,750 --> 01:36:26,190 What? 2229 01:36:26,190 --> 01:36:27,987 Hey, what'd you say when you threw the grenade up there? 2230 01:36:27,987 --> 01:36:29,155 (LAUGHS) I said, something cool. 2231 01:36:29,155 --> 01:36:30,657 What did you say? 2232 01:36:30,657 --> 01:36:32,425 It was something cool. No, but what'd you say? 2233 01:36:32,425 --> 01:36:33,893 Yeah, I know. I said, something cool. 2234 01:36:36,763 --> 01:36:39,499 I didn't expect spring break to be this stinky. 2235 01:36:39,499 --> 01:36:41,634 It's pretty gross. 2236 01:36:41,634 --> 01:36:44,337 Man, we're getting too old for this shit. 2237 01:36:44,337 --> 01:36:46,940 We started off too old for this shit. 2238 01:36:46,940 --> 01:36:48,942 (CHUCKLING) You ain't lying about that. 2239 01:36:51,544 --> 01:36:55,448 Dude, we're even about the arm thing, okay? Right? 2240 01:36:55,448 --> 01:36:56,549 What? What do you want to do? (LAUGHS) 2241 01:36:56,549 --> 01:36:57,817 Don't move. ****. All right. 2242 01:36:57,817 --> 01:36:59,619 Just get it over with, all right? Don't move. 2243 01:36:59,619 --> 01:37:01,540 One... Just graze my arm. 2244 01:37:01,540 --> 01:37:02,689 I don't want you to hit the bone. ...Two, 2245 01:37:02,689 --> 01:37:04,424 three. (BULLET RICOCHETS) 2246 01:37:04,424 --> 01:37:06,393 ****! ****! Shit! 2247 01:37:06,393 --> 01:37:07,961 Oh, my God, are you all right? Shit! 2248 01:37:07,961 --> 01:37:09,996 Why, man? Why am I always getting hurt around you? 2249 01:37:09,996 --> 01:37:11,970 Jenko, what are you doing? JENKO: Oh, **** you. 2250 01:37:12,966 --> 01:37:15,235 Hey, cap. Congratulations, you two. 2251 01:37:15,235 --> 01:37:18,400 You managed to un-**** up the situation you originally ****ed up. 2252 01:37:18,400 --> 01:37:19,506 Thanks. 2253 01:37:19,506 --> 01:37:20,874 I wish you can un-**** my daughter, 2254 01:37:20,874 --> 01:37:22,742 but I'm gonna let that be the past. 2255 01:37:22,742 --> 01:37:25,211 Now, for your next mission, 2256 01:37:25,211 --> 01:37:28,281 you two sons of *****es are going to medical school. 2257 01:37:28,281 --> 01:37:29,749 What? 2258 01:37:29,749 --> 01:37:30,784 (YELLING) (GUNS FIRING) 2259 01:37:39,859 --> 01:37:42,280 This time, foreign exchange students. 2260 01:37:42,280 --> 01:37:43,960 Awesome. Yes! 2261 01:37:43,960 --> 01:37:44,970 In Russia. 2262 01:37:44,464 --> 01:37:45,498 What? 2263 01:37:47,400 --> 01:37:48,501 Do svidanya. 2264 01:37:48,501 --> 01:37:49,769 Vodka soda. 2265 01:38:01,381 --> 01:38:03,149 ♪ ♪ 2266 01:38:03,149 --> 01:38:05,985 ♪ we're gonna live forever 2267 01:38:09,222 --> 01:38:12,425 ♪ we're gonna live forever 2268 01:38:12,425 --> 01:38:15,261 ♪ we're gonna live for we're gonna live for 2269 01:38:15,261 --> 01:38:18,264 ♪ we're gonna live for we're gonna live for 2270 01:38:18,264 --> 01:38:20,734 ♪ we're gonna live for we're gonna live for 2271 01:38:24,371 --> 01:38:28,608 ♪ yeah, me and my homie this is aye 2272 01:38:28,608 --> 01:38:31,611 ♪ and it's going down like a fire drill 2273 01:38:31,611 --> 01:38:34,614 ♪ came a long way, now we part here 2274 01:38:34,614 --> 01:38:37,417 ♪ and we still running shit, call it diarrhea 2275 01:38:37,417 --> 01:38:39,152 ♪ coming up together like them good fellas 2276 01:38:39,152 --> 01:38:40,453 ♪ heart through the loop 2277 01:38:40,453 --> 01:38:42,188 ♪ holding down, keep it real in these streets 2278 01:38:42,188 --> 01:38:43,656 ♪ back to the roof 2279 01:38:43,656 --> 01:38:46,426 ♪ anywhere, anytime I got your back like a spine 2280 01:38:46,426 --> 01:38:49,696 ♪ my homies never left behind my whole team get to shine 2281 01:38:49,696 --> 01:38:52,665 ♪ the world has opened up that's why we're blowing up 2282 01:38:52,665 --> 01:38:55,602 ♪ that's why we rolling up drinking till we throw up 2283 01:38:55,602 --> 01:38:58,738 ♪ the way we get this cheddar, there ain't nobody better 2284 01:38:58,738 --> 01:39:02,800 ♪ write our names in the sky 'cause we gonna live forever 2285 01:39:02,800 --> 01:39:03,443 ♪ live forever, man 2286 01:39:03,443 --> 01:39:06,312 ♪ we're gonna live forever 2287 01:39:09,416 --> 01:39:13,119 ♪ we're gonna live forever 2288 01:39:13,119 --> 01:39:15,588 ♪ we're gonna live for we're gonna live for 2289 01:39:15,588 --> 01:39:18,591 ♪ we're gonna live for we're gonna live for 2290 01:39:18,591 --> 01:39:21,194 ♪ we're gonna live for we're gonna live for 2291 01:39:25,999 --> 01:39:29,135 ♪ life of the party, patron and bacardi 2292 01:39:29,135 --> 01:39:31,705 ♪ get faded, get sloppy, and all up in that chick's body 2293 01:39:31,705 --> 01:39:33,406 ♪ came up with the people that's real 2294 01:39:33,406 --> 01:39:34,641 ♪ ticket to the meal 2295 01:39:34,641 --> 01:39:36,309 ♪ now like it, we all together 2296 01:39:36,309 --> 01:39:37,844 ♪ that's just how it is 2297 01:39:37,844 --> 01:39:39,546 ♪ I'm throwed like a strike out 2298 01:39:39,546 --> 01:39:40,880 ♪ shine brighter than a lighthouse 2299 01:39:40,880 --> 01:39:42,282 ♪ bigger than the white house 2300 01:39:42,282 --> 01:39:43,783 ♪ go against my team, get wiped out 2301 01:39:43,783 --> 01:39:45,185 ♪ got them choppers like troopers 2302 01:39:45,185 --> 01:39:46,886 ♪ don't make me split your head 2303 01:39:46,886 --> 01:39:49,556 ♪ my lil' homie left up here, he'll smoke ya like a cig 2304 01:39:51,591 --> 01:39:54,461 ♪ we're gonna live forever 2305 01:39:57,664 --> 01:40:01,167 ♪ we're gonna live forever 2306 01:40:01,167 --> 01:40:03,803 ♪ we're gonna live for we're gonna live for 2307 01:40:03,803 --> 01:40:06,773 ♪ we're gonna live for we're gonna live for 2308 01:40:06,773 --> 01:40:09,476 ♪ we're gonna live for we're gonna live for 2309 01:40:40,106 --> 01:40:43,176 ♪ we're gonna live forever 2310 01:40:46,790 --> 01:40:49,249 ♪ we're gonna live forever 2311 01:40:49,249 --> 01:40:52,285 ♪ we're gonna live for we're gonna live for 2312 01:40:52,285 --> 01:40:55,880 ♪ we're gonna live for we're gonna live for 2313 01:40:55,880 --> 01:40:57,624 ♪ we're gonna live forever 2314 01:41:01,161 --> 01:41:04,831 ♪ we're gonna live forever 2315 01:41:04,831 --> 01:41:06,199 ♪ yeah 2316 01:41:07,967 --> 01:41:08,968 ♪ forever ♪ 2317 01:41:14,808 --> 01:41:16,376 (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)