1 00:00:55,588 --> 00:00:57,891 (clock ticking) 2 00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,893 (lights clank) 3 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,895 (microphone feedback squeals softly) 4 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:05,398 (switches clicking) 5 00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:07,934 Tonight's program takes us backstage 6 00:01:07,934 --> 00:01:11,538 to witness firsthand the creation, start to finish, 7 00:01:11,538 --> 00:01:15,241 of a new play mounted on the American stage. 8 00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:18,745 Asteroid City does not exist. 9 00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:20,380 It is an imaginary drama 10 00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:23,249 created expressly for this broadcast. 11 00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:27,253 The characters are fictional, the text hypothetical, 12 00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:29,889 the events an apocryphal fabrication, 13 00:01:29,889 --> 00:01:32,892 but together they present an authentic account 14 00:01:32,892 --> 00:01:36,629 of the inner workings of a modern theatrical production. 15 00:01:36,629 --> 00:01:40,500 Our story begins, of course, with an ink ribbon. 16 00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:44,738 Conrad Earp, playwright, native of upper Wyoming, 17 00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:47,907 well-known for his romantic poetic tapestries 18 00:01:47,907 --> 00:01:50,677 of life west of the Rocky Mountains. 19 00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:52,879 ♪ ♪ 20 00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:58,510 There is little amusement to be had, however, 21 00:01:58,510 --> 00:01:59,953 in watching a man type. 22 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:03,289 Skip ahead, then, past the lonely, agonized months 23 00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:06,626 of composing, revising, polishing, editing, rewriting, 24 00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:10,163 cutting, pasting, pacing, doodling and solitary drinking, 25 00:02:10,163 --> 00:02:12,699 and join our company as they take the stage 26 00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:14,934 for their first read-through rehearsal. 27 00:02:14,934 --> 00:02:17,700 Location: the Tarkington Theater, 28 00:02:17,700 --> 00:02:20,140 345 South Northwest Avenue. 29 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,841 (bell rings) 30 00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:25,311 Curtain rises on a desert bus stop 31 00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:28,548 halfway between Parched Gulch and Arid Plains. 32 00:02:28,548 --> 00:02:30,684 Main scenography includes 33 00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:32,819 a 12-stool luncheonette, 34 00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:34,721 a one-pump filling station 35 00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:37,557 and a ten-cabin motor court hotel. 36 00:02:37,557 --> 00:02:39,192 Upstage left: 37 00:02:39,192 --> 00:02:40,860 the Tomahawk Mountains. 38 00:02:40,860 --> 00:02:43,329 Highest peak: 11,000 feet. 39 00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:46,299 Upstage right: an unfinished highway overpass 40 00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:48,568 which vaults up 20 feet, then chops off midair 41 00:02:48,568 --> 00:02:50,937 behind a permanent roadblock. 42 00:02:50,937 --> 00:02:52,572 Center front: an impact crater 43 00:02:52,572 --> 00:02:54,507 a hundred feet in depth and diameter 44 00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:58,244 encircled by a low Little League variety chain-link fence. 45 00:02:58,244 --> 00:02:59,846 -(train whistle blows) -(train chugging) 46 00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:03,160 Offstage, distant: a 650-car freight train 47 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:06,553 which click-clacks by at five miles an hour. 48 00:03:06,553 --> 00:03:08,355 Note to chief electrician: 49 00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:11,424 The light of the desert sun is neither warm nor cool 50 00:03:11,424 --> 00:03:14,270 but always clean 51 00:03:14,270 --> 00:03:16,996 and, above all, unforgiving. 52 00:03:16,996 --> 00:03:19,399 Cast: Augie Steenbeck, 53 00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:21,735 war photographer, early 40s. 54 00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:25,710 His son Woodrow, 14, also known as Brainiac. 55 00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:28,908 Midge Campbell, late 30s, film actress. 56 00:03:28,908 --> 00:03:31,177 Her daughter Dinah, 15. 57 00:03:31,177 --> 00:03:33,780 June Douglas, schoolteacher. 58 00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:36,683 Ranch hand Montana, above. 59 00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:38,785 Grif Gibson, five-star general. 60 00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:43,356 Sandy Borden, Roger Cho, J.J. Kellogg. 61 00:03:43,356 --> 00:03:45,859 Clifford, Ricky, Shelly. 62 00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:50,300 Stanley Zak, 65, retired. 63 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:54,634 The action of the play takes place in September of 1955. 64 00:03:54,634 --> 00:03:57,937 Act one: Friday morning, 7:00 a.m. 65 00:03:57,937 --> 00:04:00,440 Act two: the next day. 66 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:02,909 Act three: one week later. 67 00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:06,579 ("Last Train to San Fernando" by Johnny Duncan playing) 68 00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:10,650 ♪ Last train to San Fernando ♪ 69 00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:15,880 ♪ Last train to San Fernando ♪ 70 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,591 ♪ If you miss this one, you'll never get another one ♪ 71 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:22,829 ♪ Bee-dee-dee-dee-bom-bom to San Fernando ♪ 72 00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:24,597 ♪ Last night, I met my sweet Dorothy ♪ 73 00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:26,766 ♪ She said, "Tomorrow I join in sweet matrimony" ♪ 74 00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:28,768 ♪ But if you act all right ♪ 75 00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:30,403 ♪ Oh, you can take me out tonight ♪ 76 00:04:30,403 --> 00:04:32,605 ♪ We can wine and dine and get back in time ♪ 77 00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:35,408 ♪ For the last train to San Fernando ♪ 78 00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:40,213 ♪ Last train to San Fernando ♪ 79 00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:43,783 ♪ Last train to San Fernando ♪ 80 00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:47,454 ♪ If you miss this one, you'll never get another one ♪ 81 00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:50,857 ♪ Bee-dee-dee-dee-bom-bom to San Fernando. ♪ 82 00:04:51,691 --> 00:04:53,693 ♪ ♪ 83 00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,480 (song ends) 84 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,815 (wind whistling) 85 00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:18,180 (bell clanging) 86 00:05:25,525 --> 00:05:27,627 (roadrunner chitters) 87 00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:32,399 (train whistle blows) 88 00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:38,405 (wind howling) 89 00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:03,496 (metallic squeaking) 90 00:06:14,674 --> 00:06:16,843 (bird screeches) 91 00:06:25,685 --> 00:06:27,253 (distant rumble) 92 00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:34,600 ♪ ♪ 93 00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:41,670 (engine rumbling) 94 00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:56,820 (whirring) 95 00:06:58,118 --> 00:07:01,154 (metallic squeaking continues) 96 00:07:06,626 --> 00:07:08,762 (bird calling) 97 00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:18,271 GIRL (faintly): It's a dead snake. 98 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,573 Flat snake. 99 00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:23,109 Poke him in the head with this stick. 100 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,745 (chatter continues indistinctly) 101 00:07:25,745 --> 00:07:27,414 ("Island of Dreams" by The Springfields playing) 102 00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:29,416 -♪ I wander the streets ♪ -(entry bell jingles) 103 00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:32,919 ♪ And the *** crowded places... ♪ 104 00:07:32,919 --> 00:07:36,456 Five orders of flapjacks and a black coffee. 105 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:39,693 ♪ But somehow it seems ♪ 106 00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:43,163 ♪ That my thoughts ever stray ♪ 107 00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:44,864 ♪ To our last... ♪ 108 00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:46,199 Who needs to pee? 109 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:47,701 -Nobody needs to pee. -I don't. 110 00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,469 Our average speed is 83 feet per second. 111 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,538 Poor fuel efficiency due to excess wind resistance. 112 00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:53,139 Probably the luggage rack. 113 00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:55,475 Based on data before the loss of power, obviously. 114 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,711 ♪ High in the sky... ♪ 115 00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,612 What do you little princesses want to drink? 116 00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:01,214 -Oh, we're not princesses. -I'm a vampire. 117 00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:03,160 I'm a mummy in Egypt who got buried alive... 118 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:04,884 -I suck people's blood. -...and came back to life 119 00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:07,354 -with his head chopped off. -I'm a fairy. 120 00:08:08,955 --> 00:08:11,491 How about a glass of strawberry milk? 121 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:14,600 -(distant explosion) -(rumbling) 122 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:15,562 What was that? 123 00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:17,464 Another atom bomb test. 124 00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:19,733 (song continues faintly inside) 125 00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:25,710 (camera clicks) 126 00:08:25,905 --> 00:08:28,740 (birds calling) 127 00:08:33,546 --> 00:08:36,820 I've seen this combination of symptoms twice before 128 00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:38,418 in the '52 Estate model. 129 00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:42,522 In one case, it was a quick fix of a 75-cent part. 130 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,691 In the other case, it was a difficult, costly, 131 00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:47,660 time-consuming disassembly and re-mantling 132 00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:49,162 of the entire drivetrain 133 00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:51,364 and lubrication mechanism, which didn't work. 134 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:52,999 The motor exploded itself, 135 00:08:52,999 --> 00:08:55,235 and the body was stripped and sold for scrap. 136 00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:56,870 There it is. 137 00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,273 (loud clunking) 138 00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:04,100 (glass shatters) 139 00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:05,578 Well, which one have we got? 140 00:09:05,578 --> 00:09:07,781 We're about to find out. 141 00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:11,584 (steady ticking) 142 00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:18,725 (squeaking) 143 00:09:36,476 --> 00:09:38,778 (train whistle blows in distance) 144 00:09:38,778 --> 00:09:39,946 (engine starts) 145 00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:41,314 You got the first one. 146 00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:42,882 -How much do I owe you? -Nothing. 147 00:09:42,882 --> 00:09:44,551 -Ten dollars for the tow. -(engine backfires) 148 00:09:44,551 --> 00:09:46,986 -(air hissing) -(metallic creaking) 149 00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:51,491 What's that? Wh-What's that? 150 00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:53,993 I don't know. 151 00:09:53,993 --> 00:09:56,496 -(sparks popping) -(rattling) 152 00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,607 I think you've got a third problem 153 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,676 we've never seen before. 154 00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:11,444 (line ringing) 155 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,680 (girls chattering indistinctly) 156 00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:17,817 MAN (over phone): Zak residence. 157 00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:19,486 Romulus, this is Augie Steenbeck. 158 00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,421 Good morning, Mr. Augie. The gate is open. 159 00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:23,289 -No, we're not there. -You're not here? 160 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:26,126 -May I speak to Mr. Zak? -Yes, Mr. Augie. 161 00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:29,796 -(gunfire) -(siren wailing) 162 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,607 (gunfire and siren continue in distance) 163 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:43,710 -You're not here? -We're not there. 164 00:10:43,710 --> 00:10:45,779 The car exploded. Come get the girls. 165 00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:47,280 The car exploded? 166 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,816 Parts of the car exploded itself, yes. 167 00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,651 -Come get the girls. -I'm not their chauffeur. 168 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,190 I'm their grandfather. 169 00:10:53,190 --> 00:10:55,221 -Where are you? -Asteroid City. 170 00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:57,290 Farm Route Six, mile 75. Come get the girls. 171 00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:58,825 I have to stay here with Woodrow. 172 00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:00,160 What are you talking about? 173 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,462 The thing for Woodrow. We're there. 174 00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:05,899 Hmm. 175 00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,638 -Hello? -How'd they take it? 176 00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:16,643 They didn't. 177 00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:17,844 -No? -No. 178 00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,412 -No. -Yes. 179 00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:21,314 -You didn't tell them still? -I still didn't tell them. 180 00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:23,650 -You promised. -I know. 181 00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:27,854 The time is never right. 182 00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:30,190 The time... 183 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,359 is always wrong. 184 00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:43,236 Are you okay? 185 00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:45,710 No. 186 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,777 You never liked me, did you? 187 00:11:50,777 --> 00:11:53,847 I never loved you. I always thought that you... 188 00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:55,749 You always thought I wasn't good enough for her. 189 00:11:55,749 --> 00:11:58,510 Yes. We're saying the same thing. 190 00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:01,354 -Gas up the Cadillac. -Okay. 191 00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:02,689 -Tell the kids. -I will. 192 00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:04,924 I'll be there when I get there. 193 00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:16,369 (sighs) 194 00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:17,937 (camera clicks) 195 00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:19,606 It's the end of that car. 196 00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:21,574 Andromeda, check under the floor mats. Come on. 197 00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,243 Pandora, check the side pockets. 198 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,245 Cassiopeia, check the cracks between the seats. 199 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,313 Take everything. What do you think, Woodrow? 200 00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:29,249 I think it's kind of sad. 201 00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:56,609 ♪ ♪ 202 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:03,183 (horn honks) 203 00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,469 (air brakes hiss) 204 00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,671 (engine stops) 205 00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:28,708 Rest stop, 13 minutes. 206 00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:35,150 -Head count. -CHILD: One. 207 00:13:35,150 --> 00:13:36,449 -Two. -Three. -Four. 208 00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:37,784 -Five. -Six. -Seven. -Eight. 209 00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:39,285 -Nine. -Ten. -All present. 210 00:13:39,285 --> 00:13:41,210 Let's give thanks for a safe journey. Billy? 211 00:13:41,210 --> 00:13:42,622 Dear Heavenly Father, we thank thee kindly 212 00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:43,957 for a terrific bus ride. 213 00:13:43,957 --> 00:13:45,325 I ate three boxes of Cracker Jacks, 214 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,826 got a dog whistle and a miniature map 215 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,361 of the original 13 colonies. 216 00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:50,363 Also, we saw a coyote get run over by a 14-wheeler 217 00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:52,650 and left him flat as a pancake. 218 00:13:52,650 --> 00:13:53,660 Boy, oh, boy. What else? 219 00:13:53,660 --> 00:13:54,300 The bus driver had to stop twice 220 00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:55,502 because Bernice couldn't hold it. 221 00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:56,703 -Could so. -JUNE: Amen. 222 00:13:56,703 --> 00:13:58,380 CHILDREN: Amen. 223 00:13:58,380 --> 00:13:59,706 JUNE: Lunchtime. Line up single file. 224 00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:02,409 ("Ida Red" by Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys playing) 225 00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:05,110 My word. It's hot. 226 00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:06,646 It's the desert. What'd you expect? 227 00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:08,715 I don't know if I expected one thing or another, 228 00:14:08,715 --> 00:14:10,583 but I'm wilting like a cut petunia. 229 00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:12,385 -Humans don't wilt. -Don't they? 230 00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:13,720 No, wilting is a phenomenon 231 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,689 by which a petal, leaf or stem... 232 00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:17,323 Do you dare me? 233 00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:19,826 -Dare you what? -To eat this hot pepper. 234 00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:22,395 -It's an experiment. -No, don't do it. 235 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:26,900 Hot pepper. 236 00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,768 Holy Toledo. That's Midge Campbell. 237 00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:30,737 -Where? Who? -Right smack in back of you. 238 00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:32,372 Don't look. 239 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,407 That must be her bodyguard. 240 00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:36,609 Mr. Cho, yes? Hello. 241 00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:38,912 You're in cabin seven. Well, tent seven. 242 00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:40,947 Here's the key, but there's no door. 243 00:14:40,947 --> 00:14:42,716 Just a flap. Tent flap. (snickers) 244 00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:44,284 -Tent? -I know. 245 00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:46,553 I upgraded the electrical system Tuesday morning. 246 00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,288 Better lighting, power for the ice machine 247 00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:49,789 and a wall-mounted bug zapper. 248 00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:51,624 Unfortunately, a mistake got made, 249 00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,193 and cabin seven burned to the ground. 250 00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:54,427 It's a tent now. 251 00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:55,862 We don't want to sleep in a tent. 252 00:14:55,862 --> 00:14:57,263 Of course. I understand. 253 00:14:57,263 --> 00:14:59,466 May I say, I think you'll find it very comfortable. 254 00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:01,735 Is the young gentleman in distress? 255 00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:02,936 He's thirsty. 256 00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:04,471 Of course. I understand. 257 00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:07,730 Uh, juice preference, please: apple, orange or tomato? 258 00:15:07,730 --> 00:15:08,575 (banging) 259 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,410 Excuse me, sir? 260 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,912 This bucket of nuts just stole my quarter. 261 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:15,810 I beg your pardon. 262 00:15:15,810 --> 00:15:16,616 -(switch clicks) -(coin clinking) 263 00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,818 ♪ She lived so long till her head got bald ♪ 264 00:15:18,818 --> 00:15:20,820 ♪ Taken a notion not to die at all ♪ 265 00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:22,822 ♪ Ida Red, Ida Red ♪ 266 00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:25,825 ♪ I'm a plumb fool about Ida Red... ♪ 267 00:15:28,728 --> 00:15:30,296 AUGIE: You're probably wondering why 268 00:15:30,296 --> 00:15:32,599 we didn't pack your mother's suitcase. 269 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:37,437 It's because she's not coming with us on this journey. 270 00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,839 She can't come. 271 00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:42,242 She got too sick. 272 00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:44,611 And, to put it bluntly, after all the surgeries, 273 00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,746 -therapies and interventions, -(dogs barking) 274 00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:49,649 after two years of struggling and suffering, 275 00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:52,118 she succumbed to her illnesses. 276 00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:54,254 I'm sorry. 277 00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:56,890 I didn't know how to tell you then. 278 00:15:56,890 --> 00:15:58,124 I couldn't figure out how to tell you later. 279 00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,926 I didn't know what to do. 280 00:15:59,926 --> 00:16:02,462 The time was never right. 281 00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:06,933 You're saying our mother died three weeks ago? 282 00:16:08,702 --> 00:16:10,270 Yes. 283 00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:13,273 When is she coming back? 284 00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:15,342 She's not coming back. 285 00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:17,811 Let's say she's in heaven. 286 00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:19,946 Which doesn't exist for me, of course, 287 00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:21,948 but you're Episcopalian. 288 00:16:22,949 --> 00:16:25,510 Come here. Let me hug you. 289 00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:33,393 Okay. Sit back down. 290 00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:43,136 Did you know already, Woodrow? 291 00:16:45,710 --> 00:16:47,207 I think so. 292 00:16:48,740 --> 00:16:49,843 She'd been away so long. 293 00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:51,770 WOODROW: Mm-hmm. 294 00:16:51,770 --> 00:16:52,412 (inhales deeply) 295 00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:54,581 (exhales): Yeah. 296 00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:56,249 We're gonna be okay. 297 00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:57,751 Your grandfather's on his way. 298 00:16:57,751 --> 00:16:59,853 We're gonna stay with him for a period of time 299 00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:02,722 which is yet to be determined how long it's gonna be. 300 00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:06,590 Is she in there? 301 00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:11,564 Yeah. 302 00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:13,867 She's in the Tupperware. 303 00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,702 (wind whistling) 304 00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,570 Cremated. 305 00:17:21,107 --> 00:17:24,611 Are we orphans now? 306 00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:27,380 Huh? 307 00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:30,950 Are we orphans now? 308 00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:32,285 No. 309 00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:34,921 Because I'm still alive. 310 00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:37,557 (shuddering breaths) 311 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:40,727 When my father died, my mother told me, "He's in the stars." 312 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:44,130 I told her, "The closest star, other than that one, 313 00:17:44,130 --> 00:17:45,899 "is four and half light-years away 314 00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:48,568 with a surface temperature over 5,000 degrees centigrade." 315 00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:49,903 (scoffs) 316 00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,571 "He's not in the stars," I said. 317 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,473 "He's in the ground." 318 00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:55,241 She thought it would comfort me. 319 00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:56,810 She was an atheist. 320 00:17:56,810 --> 00:17:59,779 The other thing she'd say which is incorrect: 321 00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:01,748 "Time heals all wounds." 322 00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,249 No. 323 00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,552 Maybe it can be a Band-Aid. 324 00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:07,987 Your concept of time is completely distorted, though. 325 00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:09,823 I don't think any of you except Woodrow 326 00:18:09,823 --> 00:18:12,392 even understands what 15 minutes means. 327 00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:16,262 15 minutes is 6,200 hours. 328 00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:21,334 Exactly. 329 00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:23,403 That's not your fault. 330 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:32,178 If you could have anything in the world to eat right now, 331 00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:34,800 what would it be? 332 00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:39,419 The character of Augie Steenbeck 333 00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:41,588 in the imaginary tale of our production 334 00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:44,324 was to become famously and indelibly connected 335 00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:46,526 to the actor who created the role, 336 00:18:46,526 --> 00:18:49,290 a former carpenter discovered in a bit part 337 00:18:49,290 --> 00:18:51,364 by the play's director, Schubert Green. 338 00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:53,533 I've finished my correspondence, Analisse. 339 00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:55,335 Please bring me my ****tail and my pill. 340 00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,870 -Remember, the gentleman... -Oh, no. 341 00:18:56,870 --> 00:18:58,271 ...referred by Mr. Green has arrived. 342 00:18:58,271 --> 00:18:59,839 No. Send him away. 343 00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,708 Put him up at the Salty Skipper or the Lighthouse Inn 344 00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:03,510 and tell him to come back in the morning 345 00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:04,711 but not before 11:00. 346 00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:06,146 The occasion of the first meeting 347 00:19:06,146 --> 00:19:08,481 between playwright and player is now, 348 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,500 in our fanciful telling, 349 00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:12,652 a matter of theatrical lore and legend. 350 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:15,655 Setting: late autumn, late afternoon, 351 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:18,725 a seaside village outside the grand metropolis. 352 00:19:18,725 --> 00:19:21,327 Oh, no, again. I-I beg your pardon. I'm sorry. 353 00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:24,300 Did Miss Watson not inform you? I'm indisposed. 354 00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:26,299 I know, but the ice cream would've melted. 355 00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:34,741 -What's this? -I think it's the one you like. 356 00:19:34,741 --> 00:19:36,743 Gooseberry Wriggle from the Frosty Spoon 357 00:19:36,743 --> 00:19:38,211 on East Rotterdam. 358 00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:40,246 I wrapped it in sawdust, newspaper and peanut shells. 359 00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:41,681 You shouldn't waste your spending money 360 00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,830 on an old fool like me. 361 00:19:43,830 --> 00:19:44,517 Well, they gave me ten dollars bus fare, 362 00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:46,319 so I bought us a half bucket, hitchhiked 363 00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:48,388 and pocketed the change. 364 00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:55,729 Cool and delicious. 365 00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:58,365 How long have you been in the service? 366 00:19:58,365 --> 00:19:59,699 The service? What service? 367 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,201 I don't know what you're talking about. 368 00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:02,836 Well, unless I've been deliberately misinformed, 369 00:20:02,836 --> 00:20:04,704 I believe those stripes indicate the status 370 00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,506 of a ranking corporal, second class. 371 00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:09,242 Oh, no. I-I'm G.I. Number Three in Bugle Boy Blows the Blues. 372 00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:10,877 Was, anyway. We closed tonight. 373 00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:13,413 I see. Property of the wardrobe department. 374 00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:15,248 Not anymore. 375 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,952 How was it, by the way? 376 00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:21,254 -The play? It stunk. -Mm. 377 00:20:21,254 --> 00:20:23,423 -Mind if I crack open a window? -Uh, not at all. 378 00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:24,791 It's sweltering, isn't it? 379 00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:27,600 Even the daisies and buttercups are drooping... 380 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:30,300 That window sticks a bit. That window sticks a bit! 381 00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:33,767 (birds chirping) 382 00:20:33,767 --> 00:20:36,736 -(laughing) -You broke my window. 383 00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:44,411 Why does Augie burn his hand on the Quicky-Griddle? 384 00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:48,581 Well, I don't even know myself, to tell you the truth. 385 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:49,983 I hadn't planned it that way. 386 00:20:49,983 --> 00:20:51,985 He just sort of did it while I was typing. 387 00:20:51,985 --> 00:20:53,887 Is it too extraordinary for you? 388 00:20:53,887 --> 00:20:56,489 Uh, I guess, the way I read it, he was looking for an excuse 389 00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:58,491 why his heart was beating so fast. 390 00:20:58,491 --> 00:20:59,959 Oh. 391 00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:02,495 Oh, what an interesting sentiment. 392 00:21:02,495 --> 00:21:04,330 I love that idea. 393 00:21:04,330 --> 00:21:05,799 Maybe he should say it. 394 00:21:05,799 --> 00:21:07,467 It's a very good line. 395 00:21:09,803 --> 00:21:13,600 No, I suppose not. Not necessary. 396 00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:18,144 (button clicks) 397 00:21:18,144 --> 00:21:19,612 (record player whirring) 398 00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,815 (door opens and closes) 399 00:21:21,815 --> 00:21:25,251 (Pachelbel's "Canon (Canon and Gigue in D Major)" playing) 400 00:21:37,197 --> 00:21:38,998 It's a fact-- we're not alone. 401 00:21:38,998 --> 00:21:40,700 The alien stole the asteroid. 402 00:21:40,700 --> 00:21:42,268 Long thought to be a lunar splinter 403 00:21:42,268 --> 00:21:43,603 fragmented from the lesser moon 404 00:21:43,603 --> 00:21:46,600 of the hypothetical planet Magnavox-27, 405 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,208 now considered a rogue pygmy cometette, 406 00:21:48,208 --> 00:21:50,710 according to the encyclopedia. 407 00:21:50,710 --> 00:21:52,345 Obviously, she would've said something to him. 408 00:21:52,345 --> 00:21:54,280 I'm certain of it. Your mother, I mean. 409 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,816 She would've gotten him to tell us the secrets of the universe 410 00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:59,520 or yelled at him or made him laugh. 411 00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:01,621 She would've had a hypothesis. 412 00:22:01,621 --> 00:22:03,790 You remind me of her more than ever. 413 00:22:03,790 --> 00:22:05,658 She wasn't shy. 414 00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:07,660 You'll grow out of that. 415 00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:11,331 I think your sisters might be aliens, too, by the way. 416 00:22:14,567 --> 00:22:17,700 When I met your mother, she was only 19. 417 00:22:17,700 --> 00:22:19,339 She was smoking a cigarette, reading a paperback, 418 00:22:19,339 --> 00:22:22,420 taking a bath in a swimsuit on a rusty fire escape 419 00:22:22,420 --> 00:22:24,878 a flight and a half below my camera position. 420 00:22:24,878 --> 00:22:27,814 Sometimes I sometimes still think 421 00:22:27,814 --> 00:22:30,717 I still hear her here 422 00:22:30,717 --> 00:22:33,190 breathing in the dark. 423 00:22:36,890 --> 00:22:39,325 Who knows, Woodrow? 424 00:22:39,325 --> 00:22:41,728 Maybe she is in the stars. 425 00:22:41,728 --> 00:22:43,897 (music stops) 426 00:22:54,441 --> 00:22:56,843 You're perfect. 427 00:22:59,579 --> 00:23:02,949 (Pachelbel's "Canon (Canon and Gigue in D Major)" playing) 428 00:23:11,124 --> 00:23:13,260 (music fades) 429 00:23:13,260 --> 00:23:15,328 -(wind whistling) -(insects chirping) 430 00:23:22,769 --> 00:23:24,604 (roadrunner chitters) 431 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:30,510 -(bus door opens and closes) -(music playing quietly) 432 00:23:30,510 --> 00:23:33,546 -(bus engine starts) -MONTANA: Hold on, partner! 433 00:23:36,649 --> 00:23:39,185 -Zut alors. -Oh, no. 434 00:23:42,655 --> 00:23:44,190 When's the next one? 435 00:23:44,190 --> 00:23:46,960 Sunday morning, I think. 436 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:50,196 -(siren blaring) -(gunfire) 437 00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:56,903 (clears throat) 438 00:23:58,238 --> 00:23:59,806 Drink your juice. 439 00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:04,911 (clears throat) 440 00:24:04,911 --> 00:24:06,546 (camera clicks) 441 00:24:08,415 --> 00:24:09,916 You took a picture of me. 442 00:24:09,916 --> 00:24:12,180 Uh-huh. 443 00:24:12,919 --> 00:24:14,254 Why? 444 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:16,723 I'm a photographer. 445 00:24:17,524 --> 00:24:18,858 You didn't ask permission. 446 00:24:18,858 --> 00:24:21,528 -I never ask permission. -Why not? 447 00:24:21,528 --> 00:24:25,865 Because I work in trenches, battlefields and combat zones. 448 00:24:25,865 --> 00:24:27,267 Really? 449 00:24:27,267 --> 00:24:28,668 Uh-huh. 450 00:24:29,536 --> 00:24:31,204 You mean you're a war photographer? 451 00:24:31,204 --> 00:24:32,105 Mostly. 452 00:24:32,105 --> 00:24:34,674 Sometimes I cover sporting events. 453 00:24:34,674 --> 00:24:36,843 My name is Augie Steenbeck. 454 00:24:36,843 --> 00:24:38,878 MIDGE: Mm-hmm. 455 00:24:39,913 --> 00:24:41,381 (slurping through straw) 456 00:24:41,381 --> 00:24:43,216 What are you gonna do with it? 457 00:24:43,216 --> 00:24:44,784 That picture. 458 00:24:44,784 --> 00:24:48,540 Hmm. Well, if it's any good, I guess I'll try to sell it 459 00:24:48,540 --> 00:24:50,390 to a magazine, now that you mention it. 460 00:24:50,390 --> 00:24:53,226 "Midge Campbell eating a waffle." 461 00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:58,898 Make me a print first, to approve. 462 00:24:59,899 --> 00:25:01,701 Uh-huh. 463 00:25:02,635 --> 00:25:04,404 This is Dinah. 464 00:25:04,404 --> 00:25:05,572 This is Woodrow. 465 00:25:05,572 --> 00:25:06,906 DINAH: I have a question. 466 00:25:06,906 --> 00:25:08,241 AUGIE: Uh-huh. 467 00:25:08,241 --> 00:25:10,243 Have you ever been shot with bullets? 468 00:25:10,243 --> 00:25:12,780 Have I ever been... 469 00:25:12,780 --> 00:25:14,447 Uh, once or twice-- just grazed. 470 00:25:14,447 --> 00:25:17,650 He got shrapneled in the back of the head, too. Show her. 471 00:25:20,653 --> 00:25:22,655 MIDGE: Hmm. 472 00:25:25,492 --> 00:25:28,610 I don't say I forgive you yet, by the way. 473 00:25:39,339 --> 00:25:40,907 (microphone feedback squeals) 474 00:25:40,907 --> 00:25:43,276 Welcome from the United States Military-Science 475 00:25:43,276 --> 00:25:45,278 Research and Experimentation Division, 476 00:25:45,278 --> 00:25:47,514 in conjunction with the Larkings Foundation. 477 00:25:47,514 --> 00:25:49,115 We salute you. 478 00:25:49,115 --> 00:25:51,317 (applause) 479 00:25:59,250 --> 00:26:01,127 Each year, we celebrate Asteroid Day, 480 00:26:01,127 --> 00:26:03,997 commemorating September 23, 3007 BC, 481 00:26:03,997 --> 00:26:07,367 when the Arid Plains Meteorite made Earth impact. 482 00:26:08,368 --> 00:26:10,203 The itinerary for this three-day celebration 483 00:26:10,203 --> 00:26:12,605 includes a tour of the newly refurbished observatory 484 00:26:12,605 --> 00:26:15,208 with Dr. Hickenlooper and her staff, 485 00:26:15,208 --> 00:26:17,677 a picnic supper of chili and frankfurters 486 00:26:17,677 --> 00:26:20,480 with evening fireworks display, 487 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,549 the viewing of the astronomical ellipses 488 00:26:22,549 --> 00:26:24,984 at its peak just before midnight tonight, 489 00:26:24,984 --> 00:26:27,320 and finally, the awarding of the annual 490 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:31,458 Hickenlooper Scholarship after Monday's banquet lunch. 491 00:26:31,458 --> 00:26:33,860 Now, I'll start by presenting the commemorative medals, 492 00:26:33,860 --> 00:26:35,862 but first, I'll do my speech first, 493 00:26:35,862 --> 00:26:38,898 which you'll also receive in a folio edition as a souvenir. 494 00:26:38,898 --> 00:26:39,999 (clears throat) 495 00:26:39,999 --> 00:26:43,136 ♪ ♪ 496 00:26:44,371 --> 00:26:46,673 -(amplified thumping) -(clears throat) 497 00:26:48,141 --> 00:26:49,809 Chapter One. 498 00:26:49,809 --> 00:26:51,878 I walked to school 18 miles each morning, milked the goats, 499 00:26:51,878 --> 00:26:53,513 plucked the chickens, played hooky, caught fireflies, 500 00:26:53,513 --> 00:26:54,914 went skinny-dipping in the watering hole, 501 00:26:54,914 --> 00:26:56,416 said my prayers every night 502 00:26:56,416 --> 00:26:58,184 and got whipped with a maple switch twice a week. 503 00:26:58,184 --> 00:27:00,860 That was life. 504 00:27:01,721 --> 00:27:03,323 Chapter Two. 505 00:27:03,323 --> 00:27:05,358 My father went off to fight in the war to end all wars-- 506 00:27:05,358 --> 00:27:06,860 it didn't-- and what was left of him 507 00:27:06,860 --> 00:27:08,928 came back in a pine box with a flag on top. 508 00:27:08,928 --> 00:27:10,864 End of Chapter Two. 509 00:27:10,864 --> 00:27:12,866 Next, I went to officer school, 510 00:27:12,866 --> 00:27:15,335 and 20 years passed at the speed of a dream. 511 00:27:15,335 --> 00:27:18,538 A wife, a son, a daughter, a poodle. 512 00:27:18,538 --> 00:27:20,607 Chapter Three. Another war. 513 00:27:20,607 --> 00:27:22,742 Arms and legs blown off like popcorn, 514 00:27:22,742 --> 00:27:25,545 eyeballs gouged out, figuratively and literally. 515 00:27:25,545 --> 00:27:27,614 The men put on shows under the palm fronds 516 00:27:27,614 --> 00:27:29,215 dressed as women in hula skirts. 517 00:27:29,215 --> 00:27:30,917 That was life. 518 00:27:30,917 --> 00:27:33,286 In the meantime, somebody else's story. 519 00:27:33,286 --> 00:27:34,854 A man thinks up a number, 520 00:27:34,854 --> 00:27:36,790 divides it by a trillion, plugs it into the square root 521 00:27:36,790 --> 00:27:38,291 of the circumference of the Earth 522 00:27:38,291 --> 00:27:40,126 multiplied by the speed of a splitting atom, 523 00:27:40,126 --> 00:27:41,861 and voilà, progress. 524 00:27:41,861 --> 00:27:43,863 I'm not a scientist. You are. 525 00:27:43,863 --> 00:27:45,732 End of Chapter Three. 526 00:27:45,732 --> 00:27:48,401 Junior Stargazers and Space Cadets, 527 00:27:48,401 --> 00:27:50,737 we watch transfixed as you enter 528 00:27:50,737 --> 00:27:54,400 into uncharted territories of the brains and spirit. 529 00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:57,243 If you wanted to live a nice, quiet, peaceful life, 530 00:27:57,243 --> 00:27:59,779 you picked the wrong time to get born. 531 00:28:00,914 --> 00:28:02,882 That's my speech. 532 00:28:05,752 --> 00:28:07,620 (scattered applause) 533 00:28:10,557 --> 00:28:13,727 Be notified, you are each the guardian of your own safety. 534 00:28:13,727 --> 00:28:15,128 Maintain alert caution 535 00:28:15,128 --> 00:28:17,564 throughout the following demonstrations. 536 00:28:18,598 --> 00:28:20,266 To Ricky Cho, for his work in the field 537 00:28:20,266 --> 00:28:21,835 of aeronautical induction: 538 00:28:21,835 --> 00:28:24,437 the Collapsing Star Ribbon of Success. 539 00:28:24,437 --> 00:28:26,840 To Clifford Kellogg, for his work in the study 540 00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:29,809 of particle disintegration: 541 00:28:29,809 --> 00:28:31,778 the Black Hole Badge of Triumph. 542 00:28:31,778 --> 00:28:33,313 To Dinah Campbell... 543 00:28:33,313 --> 00:28:34,981 It's fueled by cosmic radiation instead of sunlight. 544 00:28:34,981 --> 00:28:36,683 GIBSON: ...for her work in the area 545 00:28:36,683 --> 00:28:38,752 of botanical acceleration... 546 00:28:38,752 --> 00:28:41,654 Unfortunately, it makes all vegetables toxic. 547 00:28:41,654 --> 00:28:44,157 GIBSON: ...the Red Giant Sash of Honor. 548 00:28:44,157 --> 00:28:45,658 To Shelly Borden, for her work 549 00:28:45,658 --> 00:28:47,260 in the realm of mineral fabrication... 550 00:28:47,260 --> 00:28:49,262 I synthesized an extraterrestrial element. 551 00:28:49,262 --> 00:28:51,931 It's going to be added to the periodic table next year. 552 00:28:51,931 --> 00:28:54,534 GIBSON: ...the Distant Nebula Laurel Crown. 553 00:28:54,534 --> 00:28:57,370 To Woodrow Steenbeck... 554 00:28:58,338 --> 00:29:01,474 ...for his work in the sphere of astronomical imaging... 555 00:29:06,146 --> 00:29:08,314 It may have applications in the development 556 00:29:08,314 --> 00:29:10,150 of interstellar advertising. 557 00:29:10,150 --> 00:29:12,819 GIBSON: ...the White Dwarf Medal of Achievement. 558 00:29:12,819 --> 00:29:15,210 (applause) 559 00:29:17,891 --> 00:29:19,325 Our tour ends here. 560 00:29:19,325 --> 00:29:21,270 Thank you for your attention, and thank you 561 00:29:21,270 --> 00:29:23,730 to the Larkings Foundation for their generous funding. 562 00:29:23,730 --> 00:29:25,965 (crowd murmuring) 563 00:29:28,902 --> 00:29:30,236 (device beeping softly) 564 00:29:30,236 --> 00:29:32,539 -What do those pulses indicate? -What? 565 00:29:32,539 --> 00:29:34,407 Oh, the beeps and blips? We don't know. 566 00:29:34,407 --> 00:29:37,770 Indecipherable radio emissions from outer space. 567 00:29:37,770 --> 00:29:39,346 -Probably a red herring. -Does it change ever? 568 00:29:39,346 --> 00:29:41,810 Not to my knowledge. 569 00:29:41,810 --> 00:29:43,516 -It's a date, maybe. -It's a date? 570 00:29:43,516 --> 00:29:45,218 -On the galactic calendar. -Maybe. 571 00:29:45,218 --> 00:29:47,520 Mary, we think it's a date on the galactic calendar. 572 00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:49,689 -MARY: What? Wow. -Is it always today? 573 00:29:49,689 --> 00:29:51,558 (beeping continues) 574 00:29:51,558 --> 00:29:53,560 ♪ Yippee-yay ♪ 575 00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:57,497 ♪ There'll be no wedding bells for today ♪ 576 00:29:57,497 --> 00:30:01,267 ♪ I got spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle... ♪ 577 00:30:01,267 --> 00:30:02,702 BILLY: We thank thee for the ketchup, 578 00:30:02,702 --> 00:30:04,370 and we thank thee for the mustard. 579 00:30:04,370 --> 00:30:05,171 We thank thee for the relish, 580 00:30:05,171 --> 00:30:06,940 and we thank thee for the onions. 581 00:30:06,940 --> 00:30:09,900 -We thank thee for the pickles, and we thank... -Head count. 582 00:30:09,900 --> 00:30:10,110 -One. -Two. 583 00:30:10,110 --> 00:30:11,378 -Three. -Four. 584 00:30:11,378 --> 00:30:12,879 -Five. -Six. 585 00:30:12,879 --> 00:30:14,581 -Dwight? Where's Dwight? -Eight. 586 00:30:14,581 --> 00:30:17,183 -Dwight? Dwight? -J.J.: Less than 0.0000% chance exists 587 00:30:17,183 --> 00:30:19,386 -of extraterrestrial life in the entire universe. -Dwight! 588 00:30:19,386 --> 00:30:20,854 It's a scientific fact. 589 00:30:20,854 --> 00:30:22,622 Other than space bugs and microscopic worms. 590 00:30:22,622 --> 00:30:24,290 -I assertively disagree. -So do I. 591 00:30:24,290 --> 00:30:26,426 -It's not a scientific fact. -It's not even a number. 592 00:30:26,426 --> 00:30:28,228 -Pass the pickles, please. -How's the chili? 593 00:30:28,228 --> 00:30:30,300 -Fine, once you add the hot sauce. -Thank you. 594 00:30:30,300 --> 00:30:31,464 -MAN: Sparkler? -Consider the constants: 595 00:30:31,464 --> 00:30:33,660 endless space and immeasurable time. 596 00:30:33,660 --> 00:30:35,402 The likelihood is increased by a factor of infinity. 597 00:30:35,402 --> 00:30:37,537 -Where'd you get that? -The cantina machine. 598 00:30:37,537 --> 00:30:40,407 -Where's the cantina machine? -SANDY: The cantina machine? 599 00:30:40,407 --> 00:30:43,743 Can you see anything with those on your face? 600 00:30:43,743 --> 00:30:45,145 Hmm. 601 00:30:45,145 --> 00:30:47,313 Oh, gadzooks. Wh-What'd you... 602 00:30:47,313 --> 00:30:48,882 What did you do to deserve that? 603 00:30:48,882 --> 00:30:50,316 -Nothing. -Who hit you? 604 00:30:50,316 --> 00:30:51,584 Nobody. 605 00:30:51,584 --> 00:30:53,953 It's greasepaint, to feel like my character. 606 00:30:53,953 --> 00:30:56,589 Oh. How does she get a black eye? 607 00:30:56,589 --> 00:30:57,724 In the story. 608 00:30:57,724 --> 00:30:59,159 Well, she doesn't in the story. 609 00:30:59,159 --> 00:31:00,994 -It's on the inside. -Okay. 610 00:31:00,994 --> 00:31:03,960 -It's supposed to be, anyway. -It's on the inside. All right. 611 00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:04,764 EXECUTIVE: The Larkings Foundation claims permanent, 612 00:31:04,764 --> 00:31:06,332 -incontestable rights. -That's right. 613 00:31:06,332 --> 00:31:08,680 -They're ours. We own them. -Incontestable rights 614 00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:09,602 to all patents or inventions derived 615 00:31:09,602 --> 00:31:11,271 from any and every submission, without exception. 616 00:31:11,271 --> 00:31:12,939 Not for teenagers. Read the fine print. 617 00:31:12,939 --> 00:31:14,674 The projects all belong to Uncle Sam. 618 00:31:14,674 --> 00:31:16,443 -(food crunching) -(dishes clinking) 619 00:31:16,443 --> 00:31:18,311 I call it "Triple Orbit and Return 620 00:31:18,311 --> 00:31:20,847 without Burning Up in the Atmosphere." 621 00:31:28,922 --> 00:31:31,524 Why are you sitting there all by yourself? 622 00:31:31,524 --> 00:31:33,693 -You. -Hmm? 623 00:31:34,527 --> 00:31:36,363 Uh, are you shy? 624 00:31:36,363 --> 00:31:38,365 I'm a late bloomer. 625 00:31:38,365 --> 00:31:40,166 So I've been told by my parents. 626 00:31:40,166 --> 00:31:43,103 -Are you intimidated by us? -No. 627 00:31:43,103 --> 00:31:45,372 Let's do a personality test. What's your name again? 628 00:31:45,372 --> 00:31:47,400 Woodrow L. Steenbeck. 629 00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:48,608 -Hmm. -What's the "L" for? 630 00:31:48,608 --> 00:31:50,977 -WOODROW: Lindbergh. -Everybody look at Woodrow. 631 00:31:54,981 --> 00:31:58,184 I agree. Shy but not intimidated. 632 00:31:58,184 --> 00:32:00,530 Move over here, Woodrow. 633 00:32:12,399 --> 00:32:14,501 -Brainiac, huh? -Yeah, brainiac. 634 00:32:14,501 --> 00:32:16,302 It sort of goes without saying, doesn't it? 635 00:32:16,302 --> 00:32:18,738 Everybody already knows we're abnormally intelligent. 636 00:32:18,738 --> 00:32:21,740 That's true. My mother made it for me. 637 00:32:21,740 --> 00:32:23,576 It's supposed to be funny, according to her sense of humor, 638 00:32:23,576 --> 00:32:25,879 but it's not as hilarious as it was originally. 639 00:32:25,879 --> 00:32:27,380 Oh, really? How come? 640 00:32:27,380 --> 00:32:30,850 Because she was alive then. Now she's dead. 641 00:32:30,850 --> 00:32:33,190 -Oh. -Ha-ha. 642 00:32:35,355 --> 00:32:37,590 What was she like? 643 00:32:37,590 --> 00:32:39,859 My... Oh, my mother? 644 00:32:39,859 --> 00:32:42,328 She was, um... 645 00:32:46,766 --> 00:32:48,735 ...like this. 646 00:32:56,509 --> 00:32:59,790 When did you lose her? 647 00:33:00,347 --> 00:33:04,451 Officially, this morning, but I think I already knew. 648 00:33:04,451 --> 00:33:06,386 CLIFFORD: Howdy. 649 00:33:06,386 --> 00:33:07,921 DINAH: What are you doing up there? 650 00:33:07,921 --> 00:33:10,256 Just enjoying the desert air. 651 00:33:10,256 --> 00:33:12,225 -You dare me? -DINAH: Dare you what? 652 00:33:12,225 --> 00:33:14,294 CLIFFORD: To jump off this bungalow. 653 00:33:14,294 --> 00:33:17,263 -It's an experiment. -No. 654 00:33:23,436 --> 00:33:25,138 I love gravity. 655 00:33:25,138 --> 00:33:28,241 It might be my favorite law of physics at the moment. 656 00:33:29,576 --> 00:33:32,312 HOST: Players of the stage, 657 00:33:32,312 --> 00:33:34,981 a tribe of troubadours and nonconformists. 658 00:33:34,981 --> 00:33:38,318 They lead unconventional, sometimes dangerous lives 659 00:33:38,318 --> 00:33:41,588 which nourish and elevate their artistic aspirations 660 00:33:41,588 --> 00:33:43,890 and illuminate the human condition. 661 00:33:43,890 --> 00:33:45,825 Next: ten weeks later, 662 00:33:45,825 --> 00:33:48,795 the eve of Asteroid City's first public preview. 663 00:33:48,795 --> 00:33:51,464 A drawing room on board the Apache Plainsliner 664 00:33:51,464 --> 00:33:53,500 bound for the California coast. 665 00:33:53,500 --> 00:33:55,902 -(knock at door) -It's open. 666 00:33:57,570 --> 00:34:00,240 Schubert says you got to come back. 667 00:34:01,274 --> 00:34:02,976 If I'm so important, why isn't he here himself? 668 00:34:02,976 --> 00:34:05,780 Probably too busy. Too busy to go chasing after you. 669 00:34:05,780 --> 00:34:06,680 They sent me. You know who I am? 670 00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:08,281 I think so. Understudy. 671 00:34:08,281 --> 00:34:11,418 The understudy. That's right. Let me just, uh... 672 00:34:11,418 --> 00:34:12,852 (breathing heavily) 673 00:34:12,852 --> 00:34:14,954 He said, if you're crying, I read you this one. 674 00:34:14,954 --> 00:34:16,322 No, that's not it. Here it is. 675 00:34:16,322 --> 00:34:18,291 If you're hopping mad, I read you this one. 676 00:34:18,291 --> 00:34:19,359 Give me both. 677 00:34:19,359 --> 00:34:20,960 Not what he said. He said, if... 678 00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:22,529 Give me both. 679 00:34:28,201 --> 00:34:30,303 "Tell her she's a stuck-up, low-class snob 680 00:34:30,303 --> 00:34:31,971 "but she's got no good reason to be. 681 00:34:31,971 --> 00:34:33,773 "If she sasses you, sass her back. 682 00:34:33,773 --> 00:34:35,175 "Tell her she's a borderline neurotic 683 00:34:35,175 --> 00:34:36,276 with an Achilles heel complex." 684 00:34:36,276 --> 00:34:38,311 That's the second one. 685 00:34:40,647 --> 00:34:42,882 "Tell her she relies on her beauty like a wobbly crutch. 686 00:34:42,882 --> 00:34:44,184 "It's her deepest weakness. 687 00:34:44,184 --> 00:34:45,485 "Tell her she's got the potential 688 00:34:45,485 --> 00:34:47,530 "for genuine greatness, but I say 689 00:34:47,530 --> 00:34:50,560 with absolute certainty she will never achieve it." 690 00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:51,725 Anything else? 691 00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:56,620 Uh-huh. He said, if you're cool and collected, 692 00:34:56,620 --> 00:34:57,797 which I think is what I think you seem to be, 693 00:34:57,797 --> 00:34:59,966 then that means you probably really don't want to come back 694 00:34:59,966 --> 00:35:01,234 and I got to give you this. 695 00:35:01,234 --> 00:35:03,360 -Read it. -Not what he said. 696 00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:05,238 He said this one's private. Just the two of you. 697 00:35:05,238 --> 00:35:07,907 He said that... He-he said... 698 00:35:13,713 --> 00:35:15,415 "Dear Kim, I'm sorry I shouted 699 00:35:15,415 --> 00:35:17,517 "and called you a spoiled ***** and a minor talent 700 00:35:17,517 --> 00:35:19,686 "and broke your glasses and threw them out the window. 701 00:35:19,686 --> 00:35:21,254 "Given that I have always considered you 702 00:35:21,254 --> 00:35:22,922 "to be the most consummately gifted living actress 703 00:35:22,922 --> 00:35:24,924 "and a person of great intelligence and character, 704 00:35:24,924 --> 00:35:26,526 "these statements and actions 705 00:35:26,526 --> 00:35:28,695 "do not accurately reflect my true feelings. 706 00:35:28,695 --> 00:35:30,330 "Yes, I may be a manipulative snake, 707 00:35:30,330 --> 00:35:32,980 "as you once characterized me behind my back-- 708 00:35:32,980 --> 00:35:35,100 "you see, I do have my sources-- but I love you like a sister, 709 00:35:35,100 --> 00:35:37,270 "other than that one time in the bathroom the day we met, 710 00:35:37,270 --> 00:35:40,400 "which has never been repeated, as we both know. 711 00:35:45,245 --> 00:35:46,613 "I never meant to hurt you 712 00:35:46,613 --> 00:35:48,882 "or insult you or offend you in any way, 713 00:35:48,882 --> 00:35:51,618 "only to try with the few tools I have at my disposal 714 00:35:51,618 --> 00:35:54,421 "to do my job, which is to make it work. 715 00:35:54,421 --> 00:35:55,755 "Forgive me. 716 00:35:55,755 --> 00:35:57,624 "We open tomorrow night, with or without you. 717 00:35:57,624 --> 00:36:00,600 "Without, our entire devoted company 718 00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:02,595 "will suffer complete disaster and tragic calamity, 719 00:36:02,595 --> 00:36:05,765 "as will a brilliant, fragile genius named Conrad Earp. 720 00:36:05,765 --> 00:36:08,902 "With, you will enjoy the triumph of your career, 721 00:36:08,902 --> 00:36:11,271 "which does not matter in the least. 722 00:36:11,271 --> 00:36:14,974 "All that matters is every second of life onstage 723 00:36:14,974 --> 00:36:16,576 "and our friendship. 724 00:36:16,576 --> 00:36:17,977 "Your servant, your director 725 00:36:17,977 --> 00:36:20,747 "and, if I may, your devoted mentor, 726 00:36:20,747 --> 00:36:22,482 Schubert Green." 727 00:36:24,951 --> 00:36:27,120 (train whistle blowing) 728 00:36:28,822 --> 00:36:31,291 What's your name, understudy? 729 00:36:31,291 --> 00:36:32,792 (thunder crashes) 730 00:36:32,792 --> 00:36:35,462 HOST: They continued through the night as far as Ohio, 731 00:36:35,462 --> 00:36:37,997 then disembarked and caught the return flight 732 00:36:37,997 --> 00:36:41,000 arriving two hours prior to curtain. 733 00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:44,137 The talented understudy immediately replaced 734 00:36:44,137 --> 00:36:46,506 the original Woodrow. 735 00:36:47,407 --> 00:36:48,775 J.J.: I strongly question 736 00:36:48,775 --> 00:36:50,276 whether your daughter's Silly Putty 737 00:36:50,276 --> 00:36:51,911 resembles anything from outer space. 738 00:36:51,911 --> 00:36:53,947 -It's not Silly Putty. -I'm sorry, but I doubt it. 739 00:36:53,947 --> 00:36:55,281 It's called S'morestozium. 740 00:36:55,281 --> 00:36:56,750 -This is excellent. -Thank you. 741 00:36:56,750 --> 00:36:58,351 It's really all the machine's doing. 742 00:36:58,351 --> 00:37:00,487 What the devil do you know about astrogeology anyway, 743 00:37:00,487 --> 00:37:02,122 J.J., whatever that stands for? 744 00:37:02,122 --> 00:37:03,356 I just maintain the workings. 745 00:37:03,356 --> 00:37:05,250 Shelly's thesis is supported by... 746 00:37:05,250 --> 00:37:06,426 Flimsy, outdated evidence. 747 00:37:06,426 --> 00:37:08,280 -I beg your pardon? -Not in my opinion. 748 00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:09,796 I liked the Silly Putty or S'morestozium, in fact. 749 00:37:09,796 --> 00:37:11,970 I'm just quoting what he said. 750 00:37:11,970 --> 00:37:12,365 Your son's project might very well 751 00:37:12,365 --> 00:37:13,867 have killed us all today, by the way. 752 00:37:13,867 --> 00:37:15,502 Coming from the family that brought us 753 00:37:15,502 --> 00:37:16,970 -the electromagnetic death ray. -It's a weapon. 754 00:37:16,970 --> 00:37:19,105 -Of course it's lethal. -So you admit it. 755 00:37:19,105 --> 00:37:20,874 Not to mention Brainiac's flag. 756 00:37:20,874 --> 00:37:22,809 I mean, is he trying to provoke World War Three or something? 757 00:37:22,809 --> 00:37:24,477 The jet propulsion belt is eminently safe. 758 00:37:24,477 --> 00:37:26,279 I'd allow an eight-year-old boy to operate it. 759 00:37:26,279 --> 00:37:28,181 In fact, I did-- Ricky's cousin Chip-- 760 00:37:28,181 --> 00:37:31,384 and he broke the solo flight altitude record. 761 00:37:31,384 --> 00:37:33,153 They're strange, aren't they? 762 00:37:33,153 --> 00:37:35,210 Your children, compared to normal people. 763 00:37:35,210 --> 00:37:36,489 -Yes. -That's correct. 764 00:37:36,489 --> 00:37:38,458 -It's true. -Hmm. 765 00:37:38,458 --> 00:37:40,160 DINAH: After that, the second person 766 00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:42,162 says the name the first one said, then adds another. 767 00:37:42,162 --> 00:37:43,897 Then the third person says both plus a new name. 768 00:37:43,897 --> 00:37:46,332 And then the next person keeps going, and so on in a circle. 769 00:37:46,332 --> 00:37:47,534 It's a memory game. Get it? 770 00:37:47,534 --> 00:37:48,835 I'll start. Cleopatra. 771 00:37:48,835 --> 00:37:50,637 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose. 772 00:37:50,637 --> 00:37:51,805 -Like that? -Exactly. 773 00:37:51,805 --> 00:37:53,306 -Of course. Yes. -SHELLY: Got it. 774 00:37:53,306 --> 00:37:55,675 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, 775 00:37:55,675 --> 00:37:57,977 -Antonie van Leeuwenhoek. -(thunder crashes) 776 00:37:57,977 --> 00:37:59,713 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, 777 00:37:59,713 --> 00:38:02,982 Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, Paracelsus. 778 00:38:02,982 --> 00:38:04,584 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, 779 00:38:04,584 --> 00:38:08,221 Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, Paracelsus, uh, Kurt Gödel. 780 00:38:08,221 --> 00:38:09,389 Oh, the Vienna Circle. 781 00:38:09,389 --> 00:38:11,658 -The Austrian logician. -Correct. 782 00:38:12,592 --> 00:38:14,227 Cleopatra, 783 00:38:14,227 --> 00:38:16,229 Jagadish Chandra Bose, 784 00:38:16,229 --> 00:38:18,231 Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, 785 00:38:18,231 --> 00:38:20,233 Paracelsus, 786 00:38:20,233 --> 00:38:21,901 Kurt Gödel, 787 00:38:21,901 --> 00:38:23,603 -William Bragg. -CLIFFORD: Which one? 788 00:38:23,603 --> 00:38:25,372 -RICKY: There's two. -William Henry Bragg. 789 00:38:25,372 --> 00:38:27,407 -CLIFFORD: I prefer the son. -SHELLY: The father's better. 790 00:38:27,407 --> 00:38:29,909 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, 791 00:38:29,909 --> 00:38:31,778 -Antonie van... -OTHERS: Leeuwenhoek. 792 00:38:31,778 --> 00:38:34,447 Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel, 793 00:38:34,447 --> 00:38:35,782 William Henry Bragg. 794 00:38:35,782 --> 00:38:37,884 -And the new one. -Lord Kelvin. 795 00:38:37,884 --> 00:38:39,919 Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, 796 00:38:39,919 --> 00:38:42,222 Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel, 797 00:38:42,222 --> 00:38:45,125 William Henry Bragg, Lord Kelvin... 798 00:38:45,125 --> 00:38:47,270 Midge Campbell. Can I say her? 799 00:38:47,270 --> 00:38:49,229 As long as she's a real person, you can say anybody you like. 800 00:38:49,229 --> 00:38:50,797 CLIFFORD: Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose... 801 00:38:50,797 --> 00:38:52,465 -Including my mother. -SHELLY: She's my idol. 802 00:38:52,465 --> 00:38:54,734 My turn. Jagadish Chandra Bose, Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, 803 00:38:54,734 --> 00:38:57,237 Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel, William Bragg, the father, 804 00:38:57,237 --> 00:38:58,905 Lord Kelvin, the mathematical physicist, 805 00:38:58,905 --> 00:39:00,974 Midge Campbell, your mother, 806 00:39:00,974 --> 00:39:03,410 Konstantin Tsiolkovsky, the rocket scientist. 807 00:39:03,410 --> 00:39:05,278 I don't know if this game works with us. 808 00:39:05,278 --> 00:39:06,746 Uh, brainiacs, I mean. 809 00:39:06,746 --> 00:39:07,947 I-I think it might go on forever. 810 00:39:07,947 --> 00:39:09,149 SHELLY: I don't mind. 811 00:39:09,149 --> 00:39:10,550 In my school, nobody'd play 812 00:39:10,550 --> 00:39:12,318 this game with me in a million years. 813 00:39:12,318 --> 00:39:13,887 Plus, the names would be too obvious. 814 00:39:13,887 --> 00:39:15,321 I know my next one: Diophantus. 815 00:39:15,321 --> 00:39:16,823 Wait until it's time to say it. 816 00:39:16,823 --> 00:39:18,925 Try it backwards, Brainiac. 817 00:39:18,925 --> 00:39:20,760 Say the new one first. 818 00:39:22,595 --> 00:39:25,980 Hojo Tokiyuki, 819 00:39:25,980 --> 00:39:27,167 Konstantin Tsiolkovsky, 820 00:39:27,167 --> 00:39:29,336 Midge Campbell, Lord Kelvin, 821 00:39:29,336 --> 00:39:31,905 William Henry Bragg, Kurt Gödel, 822 00:39:31,905 --> 00:39:34,274 Paracelsus, Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, 823 00:39:34,274 --> 00:39:36,576 Jagadish Chandra Bose... 824 00:39:38,111 --> 00:39:40,113 Cleopatra. 825 00:39:42,315 --> 00:39:44,517 (insects chirping) 826 00:39:48,355 --> 00:39:50,457 (thunder crashes) 827 00:39:53,526 --> 00:39:56,529 Put out that cigarette, Dwight. 828 00:39:56,529 --> 00:39:57,997 Oh, hold on. Hold on. 829 00:39:57,997 --> 00:40:00,133 You men should be ashamed of yourselves. Are you? 830 00:40:00,133 --> 00:40:01,835 Yes, ma'am, but we didn't give him that. 831 00:40:01,835 --> 00:40:03,103 -Didn't you? -That cigarette. 832 00:40:03,103 --> 00:40:04,604 He just must have got it his own self 833 00:40:04,604 --> 00:40:06,373 -from the cigarette machine. -Dwight! 834 00:40:06,373 --> 00:40:08,608 (animal howling in distance) 835 00:40:10,310 --> 00:40:11,978 I almost believe you. 836 00:40:11,978 --> 00:40:13,780 Let's go. 837 00:40:15,615 --> 00:40:17,817 -So long, Dwight. 838 00:40:17,817 --> 00:40:20,487 (playing upbeat tune) 839 00:40:36,202 --> 00:40:38,304 MIDGE: Was I ever there? 840 00:40:39,720 --> 00:40:40,974 Was I ever there? 841 00:40:41,908 --> 00:40:44,811 Was I... ever there? 842 00:40:49,182 --> 00:40:50,984 Memorizing my lines. 843 00:40:50,984 --> 00:40:52,852 Uh-huh. 844 00:40:56,856 --> 00:40:58,358 Approved. 845 00:41:02,862 --> 00:41:05,765 ("Cowboy's Lament" by Burl Ives playing) 846 00:41:06,866 --> 00:41:11,671 ♪ As I walked out in the streets of Laredo ♪ 847 00:41:11,671 --> 00:41:16,109 ♪ As I walked out in Laredo one day ♪ 848 00:41:16,109 --> 00:41:18,278 ♪ I spied a young cowboy... ♪ 849 00:41:18,278 --> 00:41:21,470 I do a nude scene. You want to see it? 850 00:41:22,749 --> 00:41:25,218 -Huh? Did I say yes? -You didn't say anything. 851 00:41:25,218 --> 00:41:27,354 Uh, I meant yes. My mouth... my mouth didn't speak. 852 00:41:27,354 --> 00:41:28,722 It's a monologue. 853 00:41:28,722 --> 00:41:30,790 Pretend it starts when I step out of the shower. 854 00:41:30,790 --> 00:41:33,260 ♪ That you are a cowboy ♪ 855 00:41:33,260 --> 00:41:34,861 ♪ These words he did say ♪ 856 00:41:34,861 --> 00:41:37,931 -(knob squeaks, water runs) -♪ As I boldly walked by ♪ 857 00:41:37,931 --> 00:41:42,602 ♪ Come sit down beside me and hear my sad story ♪ 858 00:41:42,602 --> 00:41:47,474 ♪ I'm shot in the breast and I know I must die... ♪ 859 00:41:49,576 --> 00:41:51,811 When you first picked me out of the secretarial pool, 860 00:41:51,811 --> 00:41:54,147 I had $111 in my bank account. 861 00:41:54,147 --> 00:41:55,982 I lived alone with a cat and a parakeet 862 00:41:55,982 --> 00:41:57,550 in a one-room dishwater flat. 863 00:41:57,550 --> 00:41:59,753 I sold the DeSoto to lend you the down payment 864 00:41:59,753 --> 00:42:01,254 for my engagement ring. 865 00:42:01,254 --> 00:42:02,589 It was spring. 866 00:42:02,589 --> 00:42:04,224 I'm not sore. 867 00:42:04,224 --> 00:42:06,326 I know you're a good man. 868 00:42:06,326 --> 00:42:07,794 I'm not sorry. 869 00:42:07,794 --> 00:42:09,829 I never deceived you. 870 00:42:09,829 --> 00:42:12,332 Remember me as a blur in the rearview mirror. 871 00:42:12,332 --> 00:42:14,167 Was I ever there? 872 00:42:14,167 --> 00:42:16,269 Did you actually see me? 873 00:42:17,837 --> 00:42:20,240 I can't even see myself anymore. 874 00:42:22,475 --> 00:42:24,911 But here I am. 875 00:42:25,779 --> 00:42:28,148 Let's get divorced. 876 00:42:30,850 --> 00:42:32,585 It'll be done tastefully, of course. 877 00:42:32,585 --> 00:42:35,255 We cut to the back of my legs when the towel falls down. 878 00:42:35,255 --> 00:42:37,524 (Augie mumbling) 879 00:42:37,524 --> 00:42:39,626 Sometimes they sometimes do a stunt double. 880 00:42:39,626 --> 00:42:41,494 MIDGE: Sometimes. 881 00:42:41,494 --> 00:42:43,697 I don't know if I like beards, by the way. 882 00:42:43,697 --> 00:42:45,310 AUGIE: Oh. 883 00:42:45,310 --> 00:42:46,766 Can I take another picture? 884 00:42:46,766 --> 00:42:48,501 Not for publication. 885 00:42:49,336 --> 00:42:51,137 I thought you never ask permission. 886 00:42:55,175 --> 00:42:57,143 Don't move. 887 00:42:58,178 --> 00:43:00,380 (camera clicks) 888 00:43:05,352 --> 00:43:07,320 I prefer to play abused, tragic alcoholics, 889 00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:09,456 and one day, I'll probably be discovered lifeless 890 00:43:09,456 --> 00:43:11,324 in an overflowing bathtub with an empty bottle 891 00:43:11,324 --> 00:43:14,127 of sleeping pills spilled all over the floor, but... 892 00:43:14,127 --> 00:43:18,331 the sad thing is I'm actually a very gifted comedienne. 893 00:43:18,331 --> 00:43:20,467 -That's true. -Are you married? 894 00:43:20,467 --> 00:43:23,236 I'm a widower, but don't tell my kids. 895 00:43:23,236 --> 00:43:24,871 -Why not? -I-I... 896 00:43:24,871 --> 00:43:26,840 -I mean, I wasn't going to. -All right. Okay. 897 00:43:26,840 --> 00:43:28,575 -Yeah. (mumbles) -Oh. I'm sorry. 898 00:43:28,575 --> 00:43:32,812 Thank you. They do know, by the way, but just barely. 899 00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:40,320 (footsteps approaching) 900 00:43:41,187 --> 00:43:42,522 What do you swap for 901 00:43:42,522 --> 00:43:44,557 out of this particular jukebox, mister? 902 00:43:44,557 --> 00:43:46,226 Of course. I understand. 903 00:43:46,226 --> 00:43:47,894 This machine sells land. 904 00:43:47,894 --> 00:43:49,529 -Land, you say? -Yes, indeed. 905 00:43:49,529 --> 00:43:51,364 The properties just beyond these cottages, in fact. 906 00:43:51,364 --> 00:43:52,899 Out of this here soda pop machine? 907 00:43:52,899 --> 00:43:54,367 Yes, indeed. 908 00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:58,104 Well, now, I ain't calling you a liar to your face, 909 00:43:58,104 --> 00:44:00,206 but that sounds to me like some kind of toadswindle. 910 00:44:00,206 --> 00:44:02,175 Of course. I understand. It's not a toadswindle. 911 00:44:02,175 --> 00:44:03,743 You put in the money, you receive 912 00:44:03,743 --> 00:44:05,445 a notarized deed to the land. 913 00:44:05,445 --> 00:44:07,470 How big a spread? 914 00:44:07,470 --> 00:44:08,448 For ten dollars in quarters, 915 00:44:08,448 --> 00:44:11,840 approximately half a tennis court. 916 00:44:17,557 --> 00:44:20,560 Put the potion in it. 917 00:44:20,560 --> 00:44:23,960 Friskity, triskity, briskity, boo. 918 00:44:23,960 --> 00:44:26,990 Knickerty, knockerty, tockerty, too. 919 00:44:27,233 --> 00:44:32,439 And with this spell, Mama comes back alive! 920 00:44:32,439 --> 00:44:35,141 God save these bones. 921 00:44:35,141 --> 00:44:36,576 (car door opens) 922 00:44:37,744 --> 00:44:40,914 ("Freight Train" by The Charles McDevitt Skiffle Group playing) 923 00:44:41,748 --> 00:44:43,783 What's in the Tupperware? 924 00:44:43,783 --> 00:44:45,485 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 925 00:44:45,485 --> 00:44:48,455 ♪ Going so fast... ♪ 926 00:44:48,455 --> 00:44:50,890 He finally told you. 927 00:44:51,825 --> 00:44:54,494 ♪ I don't know what train he's on ♪ 928 00:44:54,494 --> 00:44:58,798 ♪ Won't you tell me where's he gone... ♪ 929 00:45:02,268 --> 00:45:04,104 Who's this old man? 930 00:45:04,104 --> 00:45:05,805 Poppy, I think. 931 00:45:05,805 --> 00:45:07,440 You don't remember me. 932 00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:09,609 I remember his smell. 933 00:45:09,609 --> 00:45:11,644 (sniffs) 934 00:45:16,783 --> 00:45:18,818 We're not going to abandon my daughter 935 00:45:18,818 --> 00:45:20,687 at a motel in the middle of the desert 936 00:45:20,687 --> 00:45:23,823 buried next to the communal showers. 937 00:45:25,250 --> 00:45:27,193 -You're ruining the funeral! -He's making her go to hell! 938 00:45:27,193 --> 00:45:30,797 If you torture us, we'll sacrifice you. 939 00:45:30,797 --> 00:45:32,365 I understand. 940 00:45:32,365 --> 00:45:35,835 Thank you for your clarity. 941 00:45:35,835 --> 00:45:38,104 I'll tell you what-- let's leave her 942 00:45:38,104 --> 00:45:40,400 alone in the ground until tomorrow morning. 943 00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:41,675 Then we'll exhume the Tupperware, 944 00:45:41,675 --> 00:45:43,610 bring her with us in the Cadillac 945 00:45:43,610 --> 00:45:45,879 and bury her again this weekend in the backyard 946 00:45:45,879 --> 00:45:47,614 next to the seventh hole at Rancho Palms, 947 00:45:47,614 --> 00:45:49,849 where I live in a beautiful house with a swimming pool. 948 00:45:49,849 --> 00:45:51,151 Agreed? 949 00:45:51,151 --> 00:45:53,119 -Mm-hmm. -Okay. 950 00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:56,389 Let's hope a coyote doesn't dig her up in the meantime. 951 00:45:56,389 --> 00:45:58,291 Nothing we can do about it anyway. 952 00:45:58,291 --> 00:45:59,826 (firecrackers crackle and pop) 953 00:45:59,826 --> 00:46:02,620 Ooh. Look at that. 954 00:46:10,970 --> 00:46:13,600 (insects chirping) 955 00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:15,175 (owl hooting) 956 00:46:17,243 --> 00:46:19,145 Tonight, you're in for a real treat. 957 00:46:19,145 --> 00:46:21,810 I don't know how many of you ever observed 958 00:46:21,810 --> 00:46:22,882 an astronomical ellipses before. 959 00:46:22,882 --> 00:46:25,719 In fact, can we get a show of hands? 960 00:46:26,720 --> 00:46:28,154 Nobody? 961 00:46:28,154 --> 00:46:30,230 Wow. Okay. 962 00:46:30,230 --> 00:46:33,860 Well, what you're gonna see is a very simple dot-dot-dot: 963 00:46:33,860 --> 00:46:36,529 three pinpoints of light inside your refracting box, 964 00:46:36,529 --> 00:46:38,865 which may not sound very exciting at first, 965 00:46:38,865 --> 00:46:40,367 until you consider how those dots 966 00:46:40,367 --> 00:46:41,735 managed to transmit themselves 967 00:46:41,735 --> 00:46:43,670 across a thousand billion miles of space 968 00:46:43,670 --> 00:46:46,740 onto that little scrap of black cardboard. 969 00:46:46,740 --> 00:46:48,441 Twice every 57 years, 970 00:46:48,441 --> 00:46:50,276 when the Earth, the sun, the moon 971 00:46:50,276 --> 00:46:51,945 and the galactic plane of the Milky Way 972 00:46:51,945 --> 00:46:54,881 all combobulate along the same angle of orbital interest, 973 00:46:54,881 --> 00:46:58,418 the radiant energy of three neighboring stellar systems 974 00:46:58,418 --> 00:47:00,220 induces a parallel ecliptic transit, 975 00:47:00,220 --> 00:47:02,550 thus all but proving 976 00:47:02,550 --> 00:47:04,424 the hypothesis of celestial flirtation. 977 00:47:04,424 --> 00:47:07,394 The hitch, of course, is that the math doesn't work. 978 00:47:07,394 --> 00:47:09,950 But maybe one of you one day 979 00:47:09,950 --> 00:47:11,364 will be the genius who solves that problem. 980 00:47:11,364 --> 00:47:14,401 The event will begin in 30 seconds. 981 00:47:14,401 --> 00:47:16,569 Remember, if you look directly at the ellipses 982 00:47:16,569 --> 00:47:18,204 rather than through your refracting box, 983 00:47:18,204 --> 00:47:20,730 not only will you not actually see the effect 984 00:47:20,730 --> 00:47:21,574 but you will burn the dots 985 00:47:21,574 --> 00:47:23,443 straight into your retina, probably permanently. 986 00:47:23,443 --> 00:47:25,812 I know that for a fact, because they're still burned into mine 987 00:47:25,812 --> 00:47:27,781 from when I was 11 going on 12. 988 00:47:27,781 --> 00:47:30,417 That's when I realized I wanted to be an astronomer, 989 00:47:30,417 --> 00:47:31,718 which is another story. 990 00:47:31,718 --> 00:47:32,886 Here we go. 991 00:47:32,886 --> 00:47:35,550 ♪ ♪ 992 00:47:53,473 --> 00:47:55,608 ♪ ♪ 993 00:47:59,279 --> 00:48:00,814 WOODROW: There it is. 994 00:48:00,814 --> 00:48:02,449 (all oohing) 995 00:48:02,449 --> 00:48:04,117 DR. HICKENLOOPER: Uh, these are just such 996 00:48:04,117 --> 00:48:06,860 marvelously luminous colors, aren't they? 997 00:48:06,860 --> 00:48:08,288 Very exciting. Does everybody see it? 998 00:48:08,288 --> 00:48:10,757 BILLY: I don't. I just see a staple. 999 00:48:14,761 --> 00:48:16,696 Yipe! It works. 1000 00:48:17,530 --> 00:48:19,165 MIDGE: Are you Shelly? 1001 00:48:19,165 --> 00:48:20,367 SHELLY: Yeah. 1002 00:48:20,367 --> 00:48:22,836 MIDGE: I'm your idol. What's your rank? 1003 00:48:22,836 --> 00:48:24,871 Commanding secretary. 1004 00:48:24,871 --> 00:48:26,606 I was a Cookie Trooper myself. 1005 00:48:26,606 --> 00:48:28,410 Really? Wow. 1006 00:48:28,410 --> 00:48:30,677 What'll they say in Squad 75? 1007 00:48:34,214 --> 00:48:35,849 WOODROW: Hmm? 1008 00:48:37,550 --> 00:48:39,719 ♪ ♪ 1009 00:49:06,546 --> 00:49:08,715 ♪ ♪ 1010 00:49:29,690 --> 00:49:30,704 ♪ ♪ 1011 00:49:47,870 --> 00:49:49,255 ♪ ♪ 1012 00:50:13,980 --> 00:50:16,149 (low humming) 1013 00:50:17,650 --> 00:50:19,819 ♪ ♪ 1014 00:50:30,663 --> 00:50:32,799 ♪ ♪ 1015 00:50:41,775 --> 00:50:43,576 (camera clicks) 1016 00:50:50,417 --> 00:50:52,585 (clears throat) 1017 00:51:12,972 --> 00:51:15,141 ♪ ♪ 1018 00:51:17,510 --> 00:51:21,548 The, uh, alien stole the asteroid. 1019 00:51:24,184 --> 00:51:26,353 ♪ ♪ 1020 00:51:33,860 --> 00:51:35,562 (bell rings) 1021 00:51:35,562 --> 00:51:39,366 HOST: Schubert Green, born Shylock Grzworvszowski. 1022 00:51:39,366 --> 00:51:41,670 Director, immigrant. 1023 00:51:41,670 --> 00:51:45,205 Known for his limitless energy, his voracious enthusiasms-- 1024 00:51:45,205 --> 00:51:47,640 a well-known actress described him ***ually 1025 00:51:47,640 --> 00:51:50,410 as an animal, specifically a rabbit-- 1026 00:51:50,410 --> 00:51:54,800 and his long, deep and intimate relationship 1027 00:51:54,800 --> 00:51:56,349 with success. 1028 00:51:56,349 --> 00:51:58,351 What do you think, Lunky? 1029 00:51:58,351 --> 00:52:00,520 Good. 1030 00:52:00,520 --> 00:52:03,857 ("Rose Marie" by Slim Whitman playing) 1031 00:52:05,191 --> 00:52:07,394 I'm not going to ask what the hell's going on here. 1032 00:52:07,394 --> 00:52:10,764 His wife Polly left him for an all-star second baseman 1033 00:52:10,764 --> 00:52:13,433 during the first week of rehearsals. 1034 00:52:13,433 --> 00:52:15,402 My living quarters. 1035 00:52:15,402 --> 00:52:17,270 ♪ Oh, Rose ♪ 1036 00:52:17,270 --> 00:52:19,606 ♪ My Rose Marie... ♪ 1037 00:52:19,606 --> 00:52:21,107 Sign this. 1038 00:52:21,107 --> 00:52:22,942 Oh, no. 1039 00:52:24,344 --> 00:52:27,113 (sighs) It's Clark's report card. 1040 00:52:27,113 --> 00:52:29,282 Uh-huh. What'd you think it was? 1041 00:52:29,282 --> 00:52:31,718 I thought maybe we were already divorced. 1042 00:52:31,718 --> 00:52:32,952 Oh. 1043 00:52:32,952 --> 00:52:35,255 Not yet, but eventually. 1044 00:52:35,255 --> 00:52:37,957 He made the honor roll again. 1045 00:52:37,957 --> 00:52:42,295 ♪ Oh, Rose Marie ♪ 1046 00:52:42,295 --> 00:52:45,699 ♪ I love you ♪ 1047 00:52:45,699 --> 00:52:48,902 ♪ I'm always dreaming... ♪ 1048 00:52:48,902 --> 00:52:51,371 (making rapid thumping sounds) 1049 00:52:51,371 --> 00:52:53,373 I'm staying at Diego's penthouse. 1050 00:52:53,373 --> 00:52:56,760 Clark's at my mother's. The apartment's empty. 1051 00:52:56,760 --> 00:52:57,744 Why don't you just go home? 1052 00:52:57,744 --> 00:53:00,547 I don't think I should be alone in a building with real windows. 1053 00:53:00,547 --> 00:53:02,148 -(electrical crackling) -(music stops) 1054 00:53:02,148 --> 00:53:03,950 -(power whirring) -(music resumes) 1055 00:53:03,950 --> 00:53:05,985 Makeup cuts my hair and shaves me. 1056 00:53:05,985 --> 00:53:08,321 Costumes washes my dungarees. 1057 00:53:08,321 --> 00:53:11,725 This is where I belong, for now. 1058 00:53:11,725 --> 00:53:13,293 Much better. 1059 00:53:13,293 --> 00:53:15,462 -Did you do the green? -Hmm. 1060 00:53:18,765 --> 00:53:21,167 It's been a great ten years, Schubert. 1061 00:53:21,167 --> 00:53:23,436 I don't regret a second of it. 1062 00:53:23,436 --> 00:53:25,839 Clark still loves you. 1063 00:53:25,839 --> 00:53:27,941 I still love you. 1064 00:53:27,941 --> 00:53:29,776 But not like before? 1065 00:53:30,677 --> 00:53:32,912 But not like before. 1066 00:53:38,351 --> 00:53:40,954 (door opens and closes) 1067 00:53:40,954 --> 00:53:42,956 HOST: Schubert Green lived in the scenic bay 1068 00:53:42,956 --> 00:53:44,357 of the Tarkington Theater 1069 00:53:44,357 --> 00:53:48,328 for all 785 performances of Asteroid City. 1070 00:53:48,328 --> 00:53:49,863 Dark nights, he stayed 1071 00:53:49,863 --> 00:53:52,499 in the Governor's Suite of the Nebraska Hotel. 1072 00:53:52,499 --> 00:53:54,434 -(door opens) -POLLY: One last note. 1073 00:53:54,434 --> 00:53:57,704 When Midge makes her exit in Act Three, Scene Five, 1074 00:53:57,704 --> 00:54:01,410 try having her say the line after she closes the door. 1075 00:54:01,410 --> 00:54:04,644 Hmm. Maybe we are doomed. 1076 00:54:04,644 --> 00:54:06,179 I will. 1077 00:54:06,179 --> 00:54:11,551 ♪ My Rose Marie. ♪ 1078 00:54:11,551 --> 00:54:13,153 POLLY: Goodbye. 1079 00:54:13,153 --> 00:54:15,355 (footsteps departing) 1080 00:54:18,692 --> 00:54:20,894 (song fades) 1081 00:54:27,534 --> 00:54:29,703 (birds calling) 1082 00:54:30,537 --> 00:54:32,305 (indistinct announcements) 1083 00:54:32,305 --> 00:54:34,474 -(siren blaring) -(aircraft passing overhead) 1084 00:54:36,343 --> 00:54:38,478 (indistinct chatter) 1085 00:54:52,492 --> 00:54:55,762 -(soft beeping) -(whistling, humming) 1086 00:54:59,366 --> 00:55:01,267 Here he comes. 1087 00:55:02,102 --> 00:55:04,237 I've just informed the president. 1088 00:55:04,237 --> 00:55:06,406 He authorized me to read and implement the provisions 1089 00:55:06,406 --> 00:55:08,608 of National Security Emergency Scrimmage Plan X. 1090 00:55:08,608 --> 00:55:10,343 Here I go. 1091 00:55:10,343 --> 00:55:11,945 "The following top secret directive 1092 00:55:11,945 --> 00:55:15,248 was mandated into law on July 1, 1950." 1093 00:55:15,248 --> 00:55:16,950 "In the event of unforeseen engagement 1094 00:55:16,950 --> 00:55:19,252 "with intelligent life-form or forms from any planet 1095 00:55:19,252 --> 00:55:21,121 "not specifically defined as our Earth, 1096 00:55:21,121 --> 00:55:23,456 "be advised to initiate the following protocols: 1097 00:55:23,456 --> 00:55:25,458 "One, confirm said life-form 1098 00:55:25,458 --> 00:55:27,127 "is not operating under the guidance 1099 00:55:27,127 --> 00:55:28,795 of any hostile foreign terrestrial government." 1100 00:55:28,795 --> 00:55:30,463 No, I don't think he's working for the Russians 1101 00:55:30,463 --> 00:55:32,650 or the Red Chinese, but you never know. 1102 00:55:32,650 --> 00:55:33,767 He certainly didn't give me that impression. 1103 00:55:33,767 --> 00:55:36,369 "Two, confirm the life-form does not intend to annex, 1104 00:55:36,369 --> 00:55:38,738 "colonize, vaporize or expropriate the resources 1105 00:55:38,738 --> 00:55:41,374 of the sovereign territories of the United States of America." 1106 00:55:41,374 --> 00:55:43,576 I doubt it. He took the asteroid and went. 1107 00:55:43,576 --> 00:55:45,779 "Three, identify and detain all possible witnesses 1108 00:55:45,779 --> 00:55:47,213 "and place them under group arrest 1109 00:55:47,213 --> 00:55:48,882 "for a period of no less than one week-- 1110 00:55:48,882 --> 00:55:50,283 "defined as seven calendar days-- 1111 00:55:50,283 --> 00:55:51,818 "during which time they be subjected 1112 00:55:51,818 --> 00:55:53,787 "to a prescribed battery of medical and psychological 1113 00:55:53,787 --> 00:55:55,588 examinations and cross-examinations." 1114 00:55:55,588 --> 00:55:57,657 Standard procedure. Already in the works. 1115 00:55:57,657 --> 00:55:59,125 "Four, secure the site, 1116 00:55:59,125 --> 00:56:00,660 "cease the dissemination of information, 1117 00:56:00,660 --> 00:56:02,495 "collect and transport the totality of evidence 1118 00:56:02,495 --> 00:56:03,830 "to a hermetically enclosed, 1119 00:56:03,830 --> 00:56:05,265 "deep-underground secret storage facility 1120 00:56:05,265 --> 00:56:07,267 "and publicly deny all aspects of the event, 1121 00:56:07,267 --> 00:56:09,335 "including its existence, for a period of no less than 1122 00:56:09,335 --> 00:56:12,238 100 years-- defined as 36,500 days." 1123 00:56:12,238 --> 00:56:13,907 End of directive. 1124 00:56:13,907 --> 00:56:15,308 -That's pretty clear. -Huh. 1125 00:56:15,308 --> 00:56:16,743 -What do we tell them? -Who? 1126 00:56:16,743 --> 00:56:17,944 The Junior Stargazers, 1127 00:56:17,944 --> 00:56:19,312 the Space Cadets, the moms and dads. 1128 00:56:19,312 --> 00:56:21,681 -Midge Campbell. -OTHERS: Midge Campbell. 1129 00:56:21,681 --> 00:56:23,450 Tell them it didn't happen? 1130 00:56:23,450 --> 00:56:24,984 (light laughter) 1131 00:56:24,984 --> 00:56:27,253 No, obviously, we'll have to formulate 1132 00:56:27,253 --> 00:56:29,856 a suitable cover story. 1133 00:56:30,690 --> 00:56:32,192 (device clicking) 1134 00:56:32,192 --> 00:56:34,270 CLIFFORD: You dare me? 1135 00:56:34,270 --> 00:56:35,695 (machines beeping and whooshing) 1136 00:56:35,695 --> 00:56:38,298 -Dare you what? -To press that button. 1137 00:56:39,532 --> 00:56:41,701 I will break your neck. 1138 00:56:41,701 --> 00:56:43,303 SHELLY: That's an alien eating an apple. 1139 00:56:43,303 --> 00:56:44,637 That's an alien doing jumping jacks. 1140 00:56:44,637 --> 00:56:45,939 That's an alien in a top hat. 1141 00:56:45,939 --> 00:56:47,540 That's an alien climbing a ladder. 1142 00:56:47,540 --> 00:56:49,109 That's an alien on a racehorse. That's an alien... 1143 00:56:49,109 --> 00:56:50,710 DETECTIVE: Let's take it from the top. 1144 00:56:50,710 --> 00:56:53,480 I told you 50 times, the alien picked up the asteroid... 1145 00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:55,181 -Alleged alien. -I know what I saw! 1146 00:56:55,181 --> 00:56:56,783 -It's called a meteorite. -An extraterrestrial being. 1147 00:56:56,783 --> 00:56:58,451 This is a microfiche of your school newspaper. 1148 00:56:58,451 --> 00:57:00,186 Your byline accompanies an article criticizing 1149 00:57:00,186 --> 00:57:02,188 the principal's disciplinary methods. 1150 00:57:02,188 --> 00:57:04,524 -Who were your sources? -I was in the sixth grade. 1151 00:57:04,524 --> 00:57:06,726 -Just answer the question. -And I will not name names! 1152 00:57:06,726 --> 00:57:08,695 (clacking, electrical buzzing) 1153 00:57:08,695 --> 00:57:10,897 -(whirring) -(running footsteps) 1154 00:57:10,897 --> 00:57:12,565 -You dared me! -What did I say? 1155 00:57:12,565 --> 00:57:14,467 -What did I say? -You dared me! 1156 00:57:14,467 --> 00:57:17,804 ("Indian Love Call" by Slim Whitman playing) 1157 00:57:20,573 --> 00:57:23,143 (exhales sharply) 1158 00:57:23,143 --> 00:57:25,712 All right. Um... 1159 00:57:25,712 --> 00:57:29,490 ♪ When I'm calling you... ♪ 1160 00:57:29,490 --> 00:57:30,684 I'm going to attempt to proceed 1161 00:57:30,684 --> 00:57:32,852 with the lesson plan I originally prepared. 1162 00:57:32,852 --> 00:57:34,921 Just to keep orderliness under the circumstances. 1163 00:57:34,921 --> 00:57:36,356 I expect that some... 1164 00:57:36,356 --> 00:57:38,240 some of our information about outer space 1165 00:57:38,240 --> 00:57:39,659 may no longer be completely accurate, 1166 00:57:39,659 --> 00:57:42,262 but, anyway, there are still only nine planets 1167 00:57:42,262 --> 00:57:44,397 in the solar system, as far as we know. Billy? 1168 00:57:44,397 --> 00:57:46,399 Except now there's a alien. 1169 00:57:47,233 --> 00:57:49,402 True, by all appearances. 1170 00:57:49,402 --> 00:57:50,870 Nevertheless, Neptune: 1171 00:57:50,870 --> 00:57:52,439 Fourth largest planet by diameter, 1172 00:57:52,439 --> 00:57:55,375 Neptune orbits the sun only once every 165 years. 1173 00:57:55,375 --> 00:57:56,443 Bernice? 1174 00:57:56,443 --> 00:57:59,112 Maybe the alien went there. 1175 00:57:59,112 --> 00:58:01,114 Well, maybe. 1176 00:58:01,114 --> 00:58:02,882 I don't think anybody knows 1177 00:58:02,882 --> 00:58:05,850 where the alien went or came from. 1178 00:58:05,850 --> 00:58:06,553 Yes, Dwight? 1179 00:58:06,553 --> 00:58:08,288 At first, I thought the alien was kind of sneaky, 1180 00:58:08,288 --> 00:58:10,790 but now I think he was probably nervous to go to Earth. 1181 00:58:10,790 --> 00:58:12,792 He's never been here before, I bet you. 1182 00:58:12,792 --> 00:58:14,294 Then why'd he steal our asteroid, then, 1183 00:58:14,294 --> 00:58:15,628 if he's such a gentleman? 1184 00:58:15,628 --> 00:58:17,564 These are all reasonable questions, 1185 00:58:17,564 --> 00:58:19,632 but at this time, let's stick to Neptune 1186 00:58:19,632 --> 00:58:21,868 because I haven't had time to prepare any lesson plan 1187 00:58:21,868 --> 00:58:23,403 on this subject we're talking about. 1188 00:58:23,403 --> 00:58:24,738 The alien. 1189 00:58:24,738 --> 00:58:26,473 The alien, yes. 1190 00:58:27,640 --> 00:58:30,243 And, by the way, I don't mean to evade your questions. 1191 00:58:30,243 --> 00:58:32,112 I want to emphasize that you're safe. 1192 00:58:32,112 --> 00:58:33,747 We all are, here on Earth. 1193 00:58:33,747 --> 00:58:36,383 Your parents have been notified of at least something. 1194 00:58:36,383 --> 00:58:39,252 -America remains at peace. -(footsteps approaching) 1195 00:58:39,252 --> 00:58:41,287 Yes, Montana? 1196 00:58:41,287 --> 00:58:44,491 I'd like to parley a notion myself, if I could, June. 1197 00:58:44,491 --> 00:58:46,626 Um... 1198 00:58:46,626 --> 00:58:48,328 Okay. 1199 00:58:51,664 --> 00:58:53,600 (sighs softly) 1200 00:58:53,600 --> 00:58:55,435 I figure this here alien come from a tribe 1201 00:58:55,435 --> 00:58:57,337 we don't know nothing 'bout, do we? 1202 00:58:57,337 --> 00:59:00,106 Anything we say'd just be pure speculation. 1203 00:59:00,106 --> 00:59:02,175 But I tell you what I reckon. 1204 00:59:02,175 --> 00:59:05,612 I reckon that alien don't mean no harm at all. 1205 00:59:05,612 --> 00:59:07,414 I reckon he just took hisself down here 1206 00:59:07,414 --> 00:59:10,350 to have a look-see at the land and the peoples on it. 1207 00:59:10,350 --> 00:59:12,686 In the spirit of exploration. 1208 00:59:12,686 --> 00:59:16,890 See, I don't look on a feller alien all suspicious-like. 1209 00:59:16,890 --> 00:59:17,991 No, he ain't American. 1210 00:59:17,991 --> 00:59:20,360 No, he ain't a creature of God's green Earth. 1211 00:59:20,360 --> 00:59:24,497 But he's a creature of somewheres, and so are we. 1212 00:59:24,497 --> 00:59:28,101 Now, let's show the old feller some hospitality, 1213 00:59:28,101 --> 00:59:30,370 and if he turns out to be a dirty dog-- 1214 00:59:30,370 --> 00:59:32,380 which I reckon he ain't-- 1215 00:59:32,380 --> 00:59:34,474 well, that'll be a job for the United States armed forces, 1216 00:59:34,474 --> 00:59:36,710 and they ain't never lost a war yet. 1217 00:59:38,978 --> 00:59:40,847 Thanky-do. 1218 00:59:42,482 --> 00:59:44,551 I agree with Montana. 1219 00:59:44,551 --> 00:59:47,220 Now, Neptune. 1220 00:59:49,289 --> 00:59:51,157 (whirring softly) 1221 00:59:51,157 --> 00:59:53,793 ♪ Tell me, where do they go? ♪ 1222 00:59:53,793 --> 00:59:55,895 ("Smoke Rings" by Les Paul and Mary Ford playing softly) 1223 00:59:55,895 --> 00:59:57,397 ♪ The smoke rings... ♪ 1224 00:59:57,397 --> 00:59:59,199 Which way did he go? 1225 00:59:59,199 --> 01:00:02,635 Hmm. Well, I think he went from here 1226 01:00:02,635 --> 01:00:06,720 to here to here to... 1227 01:00:06,720 --> 01:00:07,407 I don't know where. 1228 01:00:07,407 --> 01:00:09,309 My mother couldn't remember which was which, 1229 01:00:09,309 --> 01:00:11,770 so she made up her own constellations. 1230 01:00:11,770 --> 01:00:13,913 That one's the Coat Hanger. That one's the Leaky Faucet. 1231 01:00:13,913 --> 01:00:15,882 Over there's Fried Egg with Spatula. 1232 01:00:15,882 --> 01:00:18,651 My mother is a constellation, or-or at least part of one. 1233 01:00:18,651 --> 01:00:21,210 A Swiss scientist named a hypothetical star after her. 1234 01:00:21,210 --> 01:00:22,255 Really? What's it called? 1235 01:00:22,255 --> 01:00:23,723 Midge Campbell X-9 Major. 1236 01:00:23,723 --> 01:00:25,492 Midge Campbell X-9... I'm gonna look it up. 1237 01:00:25,492 --> 01:00:27,727 WOODROW: Is she interested in astronomy-- your mother? 1238 01:00:27,727 --> 01:00:29,896 Not exactly. She's interested in stardom. 1239 01:00:29,896 --> 01:00:31,698 I don't mean that as a criticism, by the way. 1240 01:00:31,698 --> 01:00:33,266 It's her job to be famous. 1241 01:00:33,266 --> 01:00:35,935 Anyway, I'm sick of her face, but I love her voice. 1242 01:00:35,935 --> 01:00:37,737 She should do more radio. 1243 01:00:38,605 --> 01:00:39,906 DR. HICKENLOOPER: I never had children. 1244 01:00:39,906 --> 01:00:42,876 Sometimes I wonder if I wish I should've. 1245 01:00:42,876 --> 01:00:45,445 I discovered a hypothetical star myself, by the way. 1246 01:00:45,445 --> 01:00:47,113 -Ooh. Where is it? -Which one? 1247 01:00:47,113 --> 01:00:50,216 Right there. Partly blocked by that burnt-out light bulb. 1248 01:00:59,559 --> 01:01:02,228 -(clicking, whirring) -Uh... 1249 01:01:02,228 --> 01:01:05,650 -What happened? -I don't know. 1250 01:01:05,650 --> 01:01:06,766 (beeping) 1251 01:01:06,766 --> 01:01:08,435 (alarm buzzing) 1252 01:01:08,435 --> 01:01:10,870 -(heads thump) -(beeping and buzzing stop) 1253 01:01:13,907 --> 01:01:16,420 -Oh. -Uh... 1254 01:01:16,910 --> 01:01:18,912 After you. 1255 01:01:26,119 --> 01:01:28,722 Sometimes I think I'd feel more at home 1256 01:01:28,722 --> 01:01:31,124 outside the Earth's atmosphere. 1257 01:01:34,561 --> 01:01:36,129 Oh, wow. 1258 01:01:36,129 --> 01:01:37,897 Me, too. 1259 01:01:39,299 --> 01:01:42,168 ("Sixteen Tons" by Tennessee Ernie Ford playing) 1260 01:01:44,400 --> 01:01:45,438 Did it come out? 1261 01:01:45,438 --> 01:01:49,242 ♪ Some people say a man... ♪ 1262 01:01:49,242 --> 01:01:50,777 -I mean the other one. -Oh. 1263 01:01:50,777 --> 01:01:54,114 ♪ A poor man's made out of muscle and blood ♪ 1264 01:01:54,114 --> 01:01:56,950 ♪ Muscle and blood and skin and bones ♪ 1265 01:01:56,950 --> 01:02:00,854 ♪ A mind that's weak and a back that's strong... ♪ 1266 01:02:01,688 --> 01:02:03,890 Okay. 1267 01:02:04,240 --> 01:02:06,359 ♪ Another day older and deeper in debt ♪ 1268 01:02:06,359 --> 01:02:09,696 ♪ Saint Peter, don't you call me, 'cause I can't go ♪ 1269 01:02:09,696 --> 01:02:11,131 You feel different? 1270 01:02:11,131 --> 01:02:14,100 ♪ I owe my soul to the company store... ♪ 1271 01:02:14,100 --> 01:02:16,302 Hey. You feel different? 1272 01:02:17,337 --> 01:02:19,806 I don't feel anything at all. 1273 01:02:19,806 --> 01:02:22,420 -Me, neither. -Hmm. 1274 01:02:24,310 --> 01:02:26,120 I'm not a good mother. 1275 01:02:26,120 --> 01:02:27,347 Uh-huh. 1276 01:02:27,347 --> 01:02:29,149 I love my daughter, but I'm not a good mother 1277 01:02:29,149 --> 01:02:31,384 because, unfortunately for her, she's not my first priority. 1278 01:02:31,384 --> 01:02:32,852 On account of there's always already 1279 01:02:32,852 --> 01:02:34,187 the thing I plan to do next. 1280 01:02:34,187 --> 01:02:36,723 I love my daughter, by the way. I-I... 1281 01:02:36,723 --> 01:02:38,491 I love all my children. 1282 01:02:38,491 --> 01:02:41,127 We have a magical time when we're together. 1283 01:02:41,127 --> 01:02:42,862 I have another girl and a boy. 1284 01:02:42,862 --> 01:02:44,831 They live with my second ex-husband in Utah. 1285 01:02:44,831 --> 01:02:46,900 -Uh-huh. -He rarely sees them, either. 1286 01:02:46,900 --> 01:02:49,169 -Mm-hmm. -I wish I felt guilty at least, 1287 01:02:49,169 --> 01:02:50,904 but I don't experience that emotion, 1288 01:02:50,904 --> 01:02:52,472 if I understand it correctly. 1289 01:02:52,472 --> 01:02:54,740 -Yes. (mumbles) -I've played it, of course. 1290 01:02:54,740 --> 01:02:55,742 So you're saying you never feel guilty in real life? 1291 01:02:55,742 --> 01:02:57,210 Not to my knowledge. 1292 01:02:57,210 --> 01:02:59,412 I think because of my history with violent men. 1293 01:02:59,412 --> 01:03:04,170 Starting with my father, brother and uncles. 1294 01:03:04,170 --> 01:03:08,210 There's always already the thing I plan to do next, too. 1295 01:03:08,210 --> 01:03:09,556 Usually, it's a war. 1296 01:03:09,556 --> 01:03:11,758 Nobody can compete with that, can they? 1297 01:03:11,758 --> 01:03:13,526 Probably not. 1298 01:03:13,526 --> 01:03:15,195 I did a USO tour once. 1299 01:03:15,195 --> 01:03:16,896 It was thrilling. 1300 01:03:17,864 --> 01:03:21,167 ♪ I owe my soul to the company store... ♪ 1301 01:03:22,369 --> 01:03:25,271 -I think I see how I see us. -Hmm? 1302 01:03:25,271 --> 01:03:28,341 I mean, I think I know now what I realize we are. 1303 01:03:28,341 --> 01:03:29,542 Okay. 1304 01:03:29,542 --> 01:03:31,111 Two catastrophically wounded people 1305 01:03:31,111 --> 01:03:34,114 who don't express the depths of their pain because... 1306 01:03:34,114 --> 01:03:35,515 we don't want to. 1307 01:03:35,515 --> 01:03:36,950 That's our connection. 1308 01:03:36,950 --> 01:03:39,190 Do you agree? 1309 01:03:40,854 --> 01:03:43,230 Uh-huh. 1310 01:03:44,240 --> 01:03:45,558 Let's, um... 1311 01:03:45,558 --> 01:03:48,862 Let's change the subject, shall we? 1312 01:03:48,862 --> 01:03:49,896 (knock at door) 1313 01:03:49,896 --> 01:03:51,364 It's open. 1314 01:03:54,567 --> 01:03:57,203 -Hello? -MIDGE: In here. 1315 01:03:58,710 --> 01:04:00,306 -(door closes) -(footsteps approaching) 1316 01:04:00,306 --> 01:04:01,975 Hello? Hello. 1317 01:04:01,975 --> 01:04:03,576 I'm just your neighbor, Stanley Zak. 1318 01:04:03,576 --> 01:04:05,412 I wanted to make sure you and your daughter 1319 01:04:05,412 --> 01:04:07,380 have everything you might need at the moment. 1320 01:04:07,380 --> 01:04:08,882 Thank you. I think so. 1321 01:04:08,882 --> 01:04:11,117 What a strange experience this is, isn't it? 1322 01:04:11,117 --> 01:04:13,653 I went to law school with your former agent, by the way. 1323 01:04:13,653 --> 01:04:15,488 -Mort? -Mort. Yes, Mort. 1324 01:04:15,488 --> 01:04:16,723 Oh. 1325 01:04:18,910 --> 01:04:19,759 That came out. 1326 01:04:19,759 --> 01:04:22,729 Yeah, it came out. All my pictures come out. 1327 01:04:23,997 --> 01:04:28,334 Anyway, as I say, we're just across the driveway, 1328 01:04:28,334 --> 01:04:31,104 as my son-in-law seems to have established. 1329 01:04:31,104 --> 01:04:33,473 Send my best wishes to Mort and his family. 1330 01:04:33,473 --> 01:04:34,908 I will, if and when we're permitted 1331 01:04:34,908 --> 01:04:36,443 contact with the outside world, 1332 01:04:36,443 --> 01:04:39,446 though I don't speak to him, to tell you the truth. 1333 01:04:40,313 --> 01:04:42,315 I love your hairdo like that. 1334 01:04:42,315 --> 01:04:44,150 Ugh, Christ. 1335 01:04:46,519 --> 01:04:48,421 MOTEL MANAGER: You see that wonderful crackly-patch 1336 01:04:48,421 --> 01:04:50,230 right out there between the dead cactuses 1337 01:04:50,230 --> 01:04:51,358 and the dried-up riverbed? 1338 01:04:51,358 --> 01:04:52,926 -I think so. -That's your parcel. 1339 01:04:52,926 --> 01:04:54,527 How much of it do I own? 1340 01:04:54,527 --> 01:04:56,960 Well, it's actually an interesting 1341 01:04:56,960 --> 01:04:57,530 financial mechanism. 1342 01:04:57,530 --> 01:04:59,866 You don't technically own anything outright. 1343 01:04:59,866 --> 01:05:02,669 You own stock in the town in the form of a loan 1344 01:05:02,669 --> 01:05:04,400 with a 50-year maturity rate. 1345 01:05:04,400 --> 01:05:05,205 Then, at the end, the loan is forgiven. 1346 01:05:05,205 --> 01:05:06,539 -You dare me? -How about water? 1347 01:05:06,539 --> 01:05:08,800 MOTEL MANAGER: Of course. I understand. 1348 01:05:08,800 --> 01:05:09,976 There isn't any. This is a desert opportunity. 1349 01:05:09,976 --> 01:05:11,378 -You dare me? -I heard you. 1350 01:05:11,378 --> 01:05:13,130 -It's an experiment. -I don't care anymore. 1351 01:05:13,130 --> 01:05:15,215 I dare you or I don't dare you. It doesn't matter. 1352 01:05:15,215 --> 01:05:17,484 Do what you wish. I give up. 1353 01:05:19,719 --> 01:05:21,855 (J.J. sighs) 1354 01:05:26,493 --> 01:05:28,328 What's the cause? 1355 01:05:28,328 --> 01:05:29,829 What's the meaning? 1356 01:05:29,829 --> 01:05:32,499 Why do you always have to dare something? 1357 01:05:36,336 --> 01:05:38,171 I don't know. 1358 01:05:39,572 --> 01:05:43,243 Maybe it's because I'm afraid, 1359 01:05:43,243 --> 01:05:47,380 otherwise, nobody'll... 1360 01:05:47,380 --> 01:05:53,860 notice my existence 1361 01:05:53,860 --> 01:05:55,388 in the universe. 1362 01:06:05,310 --> 01:06:06,533 Dare you what? 1363 01:06:06,533 --> 01:06:09,569 Yes, dare you what? 1364 01:06:09,569 --> 01:06:11,271 To climb that cactus out there. 1365 01:06:11,271 --> 01:06:13,390 -Lord, no. No. -Please don't. 1366 01:06:15,842 --> 01:06:17,444 MIDGE: Hello. 1367 01:06:17,444 --> 01:06:19,179 Hello. Hello. 1368 01:06:19,179 --> 01:06:21,548 We met before. I'm the mother of that Cookie Trooper 1369 01:06:21,548 --> 01:06:23,283 -who idolizes you. -I know. 1370 01:06:23,283 --> 01:06:26,286 Thought you might not recognize me out of uniform. 1371 01:06:26,286 --> 01:06:27,921 You were very good in the one 1372 01:06:27,921 --> 01:06:29,723 about the tramp in the brothel who gets amnesia 1373 01:06:29,723 --> 01:06:31,391 -and becomes a pediatrician. -Thank you. Thank you. 1374 01:06:31,391 --> 01:06:33,260 -You were very authentic. -That's actually maybe 1375 01:06:33,260 --> 01:06:34,394 my favorite character I've ever played. 1376 01:06:34,394 --> 01:06:36,960 I don't know why nobody else liked it. 1377 01:06:36,960 --> 01:06:37,797 Oh. Yes. Me, neither. 1378 01:06:37,797 --> 01:06:39,566 Thank you. Some people liked it. 1379 01:06:39,566 --> 01:06:41,534 Oh, I'm sure. I did. 1380 01:06:41,534 --> 01:06:43,436 Who hit you? 1381 01:06:47,240 --> 01:06:49,943 Am I not in this? 1382 01:06:51,911 --> 01:06:54,114 Excuse me. I'm not in this. 1383 01:06:54,114 --> 01:06:55,648 Um, who hit you? 1384 01:06:55,648 --> 01:06:57,817 -It's on the other eye. -It's greasepaint. 1385 01:06:57,817 --> 01:06:59,486 Some people did-- do-- liked it. 1386 01:06:59,486 --> 01:07:01,154 Oh, I'm sure. 1387 01:07:01,154 --> 01:07:04,570 I thought it might have been your second ex-husband in Utah. 1388 01:07:04,570 --> 01:07:06,590 (knob squeaks, water stops) 1389 01:07:06,590 --> 01:07:08,261 (birds screeching) 1390 01:07:16,269 --> 01:07:18,405 If I sleep on a cot instead of the sofa bed, 1391 01:07:18,405 --> 01:07:19,973 that might leave room for me to set up 1392 01:07:19,973 --> 01:07:21,641 -a darkroom in the pool house. -(gunfire) 1393 01:07:21,641 --> 01:07:23,900 Is that possible as a compromise? 1394 01:07:23,900 --> 01:07:24,678 -It depends on the measurements. -(alarm blaring) 1395 01:07:24,678 --> 01:07:26,279 -It's not that big. -I can actually carpool the girls 1396 01:07:26,279 --> 01:07:28,448 to school by golf cart, you know. 1397 01:07:28,448 --> 01:07:29,949 If I cut across the 14th tee. 1398 01:07:29,949 --> 01:07:31,484 AUGIE: Oh, it's that close to the elementary? 1399 01:07:31,484 --> 01:07:33,420 WOODROW: How can you two even think about this? 1400 01:07:33,420 --> 01:07:35,689 The world will never be the same. 1401 01:07:35,689 --> 01:07:37,924 What happens next? Nobody knows. 1402 01:07:37,924 --> 01:07:39,826 Will he visit us again? Will he speak to us? 1403 01:07:39,826 --> 01:07:41,961 What will he say? Why did he steal our asteroid? 1404 01:07:41,961 --> 01:07:44,330 Was it ours in the first place? Does he like us? 1405 01:07:44,330 --> 01:07:46,320 -Nobody knows. -That's true. 1406 01:07:46,320 --> 01:07:48,535 What's out there? Something. 1407 01:07:48,535 --> 01:07:50,837 The meaning of life. Maybe there is one. 1408 01:07:50,837 --> 01:07:53,873 I hope you're still Episcopalian. 1409 01:07:53,873 --> 01:07:56,343 You took his picture, Dad. 1410 01:08:00,146 --> 01:08:02,182 I'm a photographer. 1411 01:08:06,486 --> 01:08:08,555 WOODROW: Episcopalian? 1412 01:08:09,489 --> 01:08:11,791 (airplane engine buzzing) 1413 01:08:11,791 --> 01:08:14,794 ("The Cattle Call" by Eddy Arnold playing) 1414 01:08:14,794 --> 01:08:16,730 (gunfire) 1415 01:08:16,730 --> 01:08:18,498 AUGIE: You really want us, Stanley? 1416 01:08:18,498 --> 01:08:21,401 STANLEY: No, but you need me. 1417 01:08:21,401 --> 01:08:23,690 She did love me, you know. 1418 01:08:23,690 --> 01:08:24,738 Who says she didn't? 1419 01:08:24,738 --> 01:08:26,840 I've been on my own for 12 years, after all. 1420 01:08:26,840 --> 01:08:29,376 And remember, my wife drank herself to death. 1421 01:08:29,376 --> 01:08:32,912 "Drank herself to..." I don't know what that means. 1422 01:08:32,912 --> 01:08:36,416 In my loneliness-- or perhaps because of it-- 1423 01:08:36,416 --> 01:08:38,685 I've learned not to judge people, 1424 01:08:38,685 --> 01:08:42,222 to take people as I find them, not as others find them, 1425 01:08:42,222 --> 01:08:44,190 and most of all, to give complete 1426 01:08:44,190 --> 01:08:47,360 and unquestioning faith to the people I love. 1427 01:08:47,360 --> 01:08:49,763 I don't know if that includes you, 1428 01:08:49,763 --> 01:08:53,400 but it included my daughter and your four children, 1429 01:08:53,400 --> 01:08:55,100 so you're welcome to stay with me 1430 01:08:55,100 --> 01:08:57,537 for as long as you wish, whether I like it or not. 1431 01:08:57,537 --> 01:08:59,673 Which I don't, by the way. 1432 01:09:03,900 --> 01:09:04,911 Stop helping us. 1433 01:09:04,911 --> 01:09:06,513 We're in grief. 1434 01:09:06,513 --> 01:09:10,283 ♪ He rides in the sun till his day's work is done ♪ 1435 01:09:10,283 --> 01:09:11,751 Me, too. 1436 01:09:11,751 --> 01:09:15,755 ♪ And he rounds up the cattle each fall ♪ 1437 01:09:17,791 --> 01:09:19,926 (grunting) 1438 01:09:21,270 --> 01:09:24,864 ♪ Singing his cattle call... ♪ 1439 01:09:24,864 --> 01:09:27,100 Are you planning to abandon us? 1440 01:09:28,340 --> 01:09:31,404 Uh... 1441 01:09:31,404 --> 01:09:33,907 I was, as a temporary measure. 1442 01:09:33,907 --> 01:09:35,475 -What? -But I decided against it. 1443 01:09:35,475 --> 01:09:37,143 -I knew it. I sensed it. -I didn't. 1444 01:09:37,143 --> 01:09:38,978 I'm not the wet nurse. I'm their grandfather. 1445 01:09:38,978 --> 01:09:41,470 I would've hired a babysitter in addition to you. 1446 01:09:41,470 --> 01:09:43,490 I'm not planning to abandon you anymore, 1447 01:09:43,490 --> 01:09:44,417 even as a temporary measure, 1448 01:09:44,417 --> 01:09:46,720 which is all it ever would've been. 1449 01:09:48,288 --> 01:09:51,157 I forgive you for considering it. 1450 01:09:51,157 --> 01:09:53,326 (dripping) 1451 01:10:00,467 --> 01:10:02,802 (device beeping and clicking) 1452 01:10:04,938 --> 01:10:07,307 (rhythmic pulsing) 1453 01:10:07,307 --> 01:10:09,476 -(whirring) -(camera clicks) 1454 01:10:10,844 --> 01:10:13,130 (wind whistling) 1455 01:10:16,950 --> 01:10:19,285 -CLIFFORD: Evening, soldier. -(footsteps approaching) 1456 01:10:19,285 --> 01:10:22,522 Can I ask you to stick this dime in the pay phone for me, please? 1457 01:10:22,522 --> 01:10:23,990 All public telephone service 1458 01:10:23,990 --> 01:10:25,759 has been suspended until further notice. 1459 01:10:25,759 --> 01:10:27,127 I know it. The thing is, 1460 01:10:27,127 --> 01:10:28,762 right before the hubbub yesterday, 1461 01:10:28,762 --> 01:10:30,797 I made a trunk call to my cousin long-distance, 1462 01:10:30,797 --> 01:10:32,532 and the operator let me owe the surcharge 1463 01:10:32,532 --> 01:10:34,334 because all I had was three pennies. 1464 01:10:34,334 --> 01:10:37,437 I don't feel right stealing from the telephone company. 1465 01:10:55,355 --> 01:10:57,957 (phone beeps, clicks) 1466 01:10:57,957 --> 01:11:00,226 (whirring) 1467 01:11:00,226 --> 01:11:01,861 (dial tone droning) 1468 01:11:01,861 --> 01:11:03,997 (crackling) 1469 01:11:09,690 --> 01:11:10,637 Although it might convey a different meaning 1470 01:11:10,637 --> 01:11:12,380 -on his planet. -It's true. 1471 01:11:12,380 --> 01:11:13,873 If he even has a planet, by the way. 1472 01:11:13,873 --> 01:11:15,175 -He might be nomadic. -Hmm. 1473 01:11:15,175 --> 01:11:17,770 Operator? Kismet-nine-seven-seven-oh. 1474 01:11:17,770 --> 01:11:18,878 -Station to station. -OPERATOR: Stay on the line. 1475 01:11:18,878 --> 01:11:20,246 -Thank you. -(beeping) 1476 01:11:20,246 --> 01:11:22,482 (phone ringing) 1477 01:11:24,250 --> 01:11:25,885 -Hello? Who's calling? -(clears throat) 1478 01:11:25,885 --> 01:11:28,210 Good evening, Mrs. Weatherford. It's Ricky Cho. 1479 01:11:28,210 --> 01:11:30,900 -May I have a word with... -Ricky, it's after 9:00. 1480 01:11:30,900 --> 01:11:31,558 He's already drinking his Ovaltine. 1481 01:11:31,558 --> 01:11:32,926 Can't this wait until tomorrow? 1482 01:11:32,926 --> 01:11:34,527 I'm afraid not, Mrs. Weatherford. 1483 01:11:34,527 --> 01:11:36,162 I-I wouldn't disturb you if it weren't 1484 01:11:36,162 --> 01:11:38,365 of the utmost importance to the Weekly Bobcat. 1485 01:11:38,365 --> 01:11:40,767 I just need a minute of his time. 1486 01:11:40,767 --> 01:11:42,402 All right, Ricky. Hold the line. 1487 01:11:42,402 --> 01:11:44,337 Some kind of romance between the two of you? 1488 01:11:44,337 --> 01:11:45,772 -Skip, Ricky Cho! -What? Who? 1489 01:11:45,772 --> 01:11:47,173 -Who? You. -Who? 1490 01:11:47,173 --> 01:11:48,508 -You know who. -Us? 1491 01:11:48,508 --> 01:11:49,776 We only met yesterday. 1492 01:11:49,776 --> 01:11:51,277 I feel she doesn't like me in that way. 1493 01:11:51,277 --> 01:11:52,512 Uh-huh. Well, I think you're pretty smart, 1494 01:11:52,512 --> 01:11:53,913 but I think you're pretty dumb. 1495 01:11:53,913 --> 01:11:55,181 -Hello? -Shh, shh. Hold it. 1496 01:11:55,181 --> 01:11:57,851 Skip? Ricky. We got a scoop. 1497 01:11:57,851 --> 01:12:00,200 ♪ ♪ 1498 01:12:05,859 --> 01:12:09,462 The first hints of the future existence of Asteroid City 1499 01:12:09,462 --> 01:12:11,464 were revealed during a special seminar 1500 01:12:11,464 --> 01:12:13,867 scheduled at the playwright's request. 1501 01:12:13,867 --> 01:12:16,236 Conrad Earp, how can we help you? 1502 01:12:16,236 --> 01:12:18,405 Well, the thing is, Saltzie, I'd like to make a scene 1503 01:12:18,405 --> 01:12:21,641 where all my characters are each gently, privately seduced 1504 01:12:21,641 --> 01:12:24,210 into the deepest, dreamiest slumber of their lives 1505 01:12:24,210 --> 01:12:26,112 as a result of their shared experience 1506 01:12:26,112 --> 01:12:28,948 of a bewildering and bedazzling celestial mystery. 1507 01:12:28,948 --> 01:12:31,551 -A sleeping scene. -A scene of sleep. 1508 01:12:31,551 --> 01:12:33,119 But I don't know how to write it. 1509 01:12:33,119 --> 01:12:35,255 -Yet. 1510 01:12:35,255 --> 01:12:36,890 I thought, perhaps, if you 1511 01:12:36,890 --> 01:12:40,930 and your wonderfully talented pupils just improvise, 1512 01:12:40,930 --> 01:12:42,295 something might reveal itself. 1513 01:12:42,295 --> 01:12:44,330 Who wasn't going to be famous? 1514 01:12:44,330 --> 01:12:48,334 On any given day, roll call in Saltzburg Keitel's classroom 1515 01:12:48,334 --> 01:12:52,572 was a now dazzling list of undiscovered luminaries: 1516 01:12:52,572 --> 01:12:54,274 Linus Mao. 1517 01:12:54,274 --> 01:12:56,900 Lucretia Shaver. 1518 01:12:56,900 --> 01:12:57,844 Walter Geronimo. 1519 01:12:57,844 --> 01:12:59,346 Asquith Eden. 1520 01:12:59,346 --> 01:13:00,980 Mercedes Ford. 1521 01:13:00,980 --> 01:13:04,484 Even, unofficially, Jones Hall. 1522 01:13:04,484 --> 01:13:06,953 What's it about, the play? 1523 01:13:06,953 --> 01:13:10,824 Mm, infinity, and I don't know what else. 1524 01:13:10,824 --> 01:13:12,492 Is there a title? 1525 01:13:12,492 --> 01:13:13,526 I'm torn. 1526 01:13:13,526 --> 01:13:16,162 Maybe The Cosmic Wilderness. 1527 01:13:16,162 --> 01:13:17,464 Do you like that one? 1528 01:13:17,464 --> 01:13:19,320 -Mm, not really. -OTHERS: Uh-uh. 1529 01:13:19,320 --> 01:13:20,633 What's the alternative? 1530 01:13:20,633 --> 01:13:21,868 Title, I mean. 1531 01:13:21,868 --> 01:13:23,336 Well, it's the name of the small town 1532 01:13:23,336 --> 01:13:24,938 on the California/Nevada/ Arizona desert 1533 01:13:24,938 --> 01:13:26,539 where the story takes place. 1534 01:13:26,539 --> 01:13:30,944 Okay. Who here has ever actually fallen asleep onstage 1535 01:13:30,944 --> 01:13:33,980 during a live performance in front of a paying audience? 1536 01:13:33,980 --> 01:13:35,648 SCHUBERT: Me. 1537 01:13:35,648 --> 01:13:38,151 I spent the first three-quarters of Act Two of The Welterweight 1538 01:13:38,151 --> 01:13:42,188 on a massage table with no lines till the last minute and a half. 1539 01:13:42,188 --> 01:13:44,557 One night, I nodded off. 1540 01:13:44,557 --> 01:13:46,893 -On purpose, you did this? -(chuckles): No. 1541 01:13:46,893 --> 01:13:49,629 -Did you miss your cue? -Almost. 1542 01:13:49,629 --> 01:13:52,650 I heard it, and I woke up very scared, 1543 01:13:52,650 --> 01:13:53,566 but I knew my lines. 1544 01:13:53,566 --> 01:13:55,335 -Good morning, Schubert. -Good morning, Saltzie. 1545 01:13:55,335 --> 01:13:56,836 What brings you here today? 1546 01:13:56,836 --> 01:13:58,371 We haven't seen you in six weeks. 1547 01:13:58,371 --> 01:14:00,407 Lavender and Lemons opened last night 1548 01:14:00,407 --> 01:14:03,410 to very good, uh... I might say raves, by the way. 1549 01:14:03,410 --> 01:14:05,145 I'm available. 1550 01:14:06,579 --> 01:14:08,882 What did he teach? Example. 1551 01:14:08,882 --> 01:14:10,850 Sleep-- it's not death. 1552 01:14:10,850 --> 01:14:13,530 The body keeps busy, breathing air, 1553 01:14:13,530 --> 01:14:14,587 pumping blood, thinking. 1554 01:14:14,587 --> 01:14:16,890 Maybe you pay a visit to your dead mother. 1555 01:14:16,890 --> 01:14:19,893 Maybe you go to bed with your ex-wife or husband. 1556 01:14:19,893 --> 01:14:21,561 Maybe you climb the Matterhorn. 1557 01:14:21,561 --> 01:14:23,563 Connie, you wake up with a new scene 1558 01:14:23,563 --> 01:14:25,699 three-quarters written in your head already. 1559 01:14:25,699 --> 01:14:28,401 Schubert, you wake up with a hangover. 1560 01:14:28,401 --> 01:14:30,360 Important things happen. 1561 01:14:30,360 --> 01:14:32,105 Is there something to play? I think so. 1562 01:14:32,105 --> 01:14:34,908 Let's work on the scene from the outside in. 1563 01:14:34,908 --> 01:14:36,276 Be inert. 1564 01:14:36,276 --> 01:14:38,278 Then dream. 1565 01:14:41,548 --> 01:14:43,416 Where are we, Connie? And when? 1566 01:14:43,416 --> 01:14:44,584 Talk to us. 1567 01:14:44,584 --> 01:14:46,520 Yes. All right. 1568 01:14:46,520 --> 01:14:47,454 One week later. 1569 01:14:47,454 --> 01:14:49,389 Our cast of characters' already tenuous 1570 01:14:49,389 --> 01:14:52,292 grasp of reality has further slipped in quarantine, 1571 01:14:52,292 --> 01:14:54,427 and the group begins to occupy a space 1572 01:14:54,427 --> 01:14:56,763 of the most peculiar emotional dimensions. 1573 01:14:56,763 --> 01:14:58,765 Meanwhile, the information blockade 1574 01:14:58,765 --> 01:15:00,800 spearheaded by General Grif Gibson 1575 01:15:00,800 --> 01:15:03,269 has been, it appears... 1576 01:15:03,269 --> 01:15:05,472 incomplete. 1577 01:15:15,982 --> 01:15:18,284 -(bell ringing) -(lively chatter) 1578 01:15:27,761 --> 01:15:31,640 -(train rattling) -(bell clanging) 1579 01:15:31,640 --> 01:15:33,266 (train whistle blowing) 1580 01:15:38,171 --> 01:15:40,774 (over speaker): Extra! Extra! Late edition! 1581 01:15:40,774 --> 01:15:42,442 Extra! Extra! 1582 01:15:42,442 --> 01:15:44,177 Late edition! 1583 01:15:44,177 --> 01:15:46,346 (steady beeping) 1584 01:15:48,948 --> 01:15:51,751 I hope you're aware, you and your accomplices may still face 1585 01:15:51,751 --> 01:15:54,187 felony prosecution, possibly even a treason charge. 1586 01:15:54,187 --> 01:15:56,489 I'll fight it all the way to the Supreme Court, 1587 01:15:56,489 --> 01:15:58,792 -if necessary, and win. -(door opens) 1588 01:15:58,792 --> 01:16:01,194 This just in, from the president. 1589 01:16:02,162 --> 01:16:03,963 He's furious. Thanks a lot, Ricky. 1590 01:16:03,963 --> 01:16:05,999 I don't know what to say, General Gibson. 1591 01:16:05,999 --> 01:16:07,834 -I'm sorry. -Don't apologize, Dad. 1592 01:16:07,834 --> 01:16:09,536 The public has a right to the truth. 1593 01:16:09,536 --> 01:16:11,938 -You made your point. -This tribunal is a mockery! 1594 01:16:11,938 --> 01:16:13,606 What about Steenbeck, who took the photograph? 1595 01:16:13,606 --> 01:16:15,542 It's on the front page of every newspaper on the planet. 1596 01:16:15,542 --> 01:16:18,111 -Can't we arrest him, as well? -Unfortunately, no. 1597 01:16:18,111 --> 01:16:19,646 He dropped a print in the mail 1598 01:16:19,646 --> 01:16:21,314 to his photo agency first thing Tuesday morning, 1599 01:16:21,314 --> 01:16:23,650 and the postman got it before we did. He's innocent. 1600 01:16:23,650 --> 01:16:25,652 Supposedly, he did a nude of Midge Campbell, too. 1601 01:16:25,652 --> 01:16:28,210 -Midge Campbell? -Ooh, Midge Campbell. 1602 01:16:29,155 --> 01:16:30,990 As you know, boys and girls, your parents arrived 1603 01:16:30,990 --> 01:16:32,559 late last night by military helicopter. 1604 01:16:32,559 --> 01:16:34,361 They've been sequestered in that metal hut over there 1605 01:16:34,361 --> 01:16:35,962 for the past several hours while the government scientists 1606 01:16:35,962 --> 01:16:37,397 explain the situation to them, 1607 01:16:37,397 --> 01:16:39,320 although everything's already in the newspapers. 1608 01:16:39,320 --> 01:16:40,667 It's my understanding they're about to go onto 1609 01:16:40,667 --> 01:16:42,235 this closed-circuit television set at any moment. 1610 01:16:42,235 --> 01:16:44,404 Everything's connected, but nothing's working. 1611 01:16:44,404 --> 01:16:47,807 Let's carry on with the lesson plan, then. Billy? 1612 01:16:47,807 --> 01:16:49,476 I did the alien's flying saucer 1613 01:16:49,476 --> 01:16:52,145 with a hubcap and a chicken pot pie tin. 1614 01:16:52,145 --> 01:16:54,381 JUNE: Good work. Very accurate. 1615 01:16:54,381 --> 01:16:55,915 Jupiter, fifth planet from the sun, 1616 01:16:55,915 --> 01:16:57,417 largest in our solar system... 1617 01:16:57,417 --> 01:16:58,818 Yes, Bernice? 1618 01:16:58,818 --> 01:17:01,354 I did the alien on his home planet. 1619 01:17:02,188 --> 01:17:04,491 JUNE: Well done. How wonderful. 1620 01:17:04,491 --> 01:17:06,559 Due to extreme atmospheric conditions, 1621 01:17:06,559 --> 01:17:09,996 an anticyclonic storm has raged on Jupiter's surface for over... 1622 01:17:09,996 --> 01:17:11,970 Yes, Dwight? 1623 01:17:11,970 --> 01:17:12,699 I wrote a song about him. 1624 01:17:12,699 --> 01:17:17,103 Oh. Um, this may not be the time for a musical performance. 1625 01:17:17,103 --> 01:17:18,672 -Let's... -(footsteps approaching) 1626 01:17:18,672 --> 01:17:20,106 Uh, yes, Montana? 1627 01:17:20,106 --> 01:17:21,508 Pardon the interruption, June. 1628 01:17:21,508 --> 01:17:22,876 The boys and I heard old Dwight 1629 01:17:22,876 --> 01:17:24,277 was scribbling up a little warble, 1630 01:17:24,277 --> 01:17:26,460 so we learned ourselves to play it. 1631 01:17:32,385 --> 01:17:35,288 -(strums banjo) -One, two, three. 1632 01:17:35,288 --> 01:17:37,891 ♪ Howdly-dee... ♪ 1633 01:17:37,891 --> 01:17:42,729 Dear alien, who art in heaven, 1634 01:17:42,729 --> 01:17:48,340 lean and skinny, 'bout six-foot-seven; 1635 01:17:48,340 --> 01:17:52,138 Though we know ye ain't our brother: 1636 01:17:52,138 --> 01:17:55,275 are you friend or foe 1637 01:17:55,275 --> 01:17:57,577 (or other)? 1638 01:17:58,211 --> 01:17:59,579 Hop on one foot, skip on two 1639 01:17:59,579 --> 01:18:01,214 dance the Spaceman, howdly-do! 1640 01:18:01,214 --> 01:18:03,116 Bounce on four foot, spring on three; 1641 01:18:03,116 --> 01:18:04,984 let's be spacemen, howdly-dee! 1642 01:18:04,984 --> 01:18:08,154 -♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ♪ -(lively whooping) 1643 01:18:08,154 --> 01:18:11,991 ♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ♪ 1644 01:18:11,991 --> 01:18:15,295 ♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ♪ 1645 01:18:15,295 --> 01:18:19,650 -♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ♪ -Come on, y'all! 1646 01:18:19,650 --> 01:18:21,000 ♪ Hop on one foot, skip on two ♪ 1647 01:18:21,000 --> 01:18:22,936 ♪ Dance the Spaceman, howdly-do ♪ 1648 01:18:22,936 --> 01:18:24,771 ♪ Bounce on four foot, spring on three ♪ 1649 01:18:24,771 --> 01:18:26,406 ♪ Let's be spacemen, howdly-dee ♪ 1650 01:18:26,406 --> 01:18:30,577 ♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee. ♪ 1651 01:18:32,112 --> 01:18:34,447 This was on an old roll I forgot to develop 1652 01:18:34,447 --> 01:18:36,249 in the glove box. 1653 01:18:36,249 --> 01:18:38,952 "Self-Portrait with Shrapnel." 1654 01:18:38,952 --> 01:18:41,855 ("Kaw-Liga" by Johnny Duncan and The Blue Grass Boys plays) 1655 01:18:45,592 --> 01:18:47,627 Do page 45. 1656 01:18:54,340 --> 01:18:55,535 (Augie clears throat) 1657 01:18:57,771 --> 01:18:59,539 "What have you done? How could you?" 1658 01:18:59,539 --> 01:19:01,700 -It says "shouting and crying." -Uh-huh. 1659 01:19:01,700 --> 01:19:03,543 -So shout and cry. -"How could you?!" 1660 01:19:05,311 --> 01:19:06,813 "How couldn't I?" 1661 01:19:06,813 --> 01:19:08,214 "How couldn't you?" 1662 01:19:08,214 --> 01:19:09,649 "That's what I'm asking." 1663 01:19:09,649 --> 01:19:11,851 "It was over already. You were free. 1664 01:19:11,851 --> 01:19:13,787 "What's the point of committing suicide 1665 01:19:13,787 --> 01:19:16,389 when there's nothing left to escape?" 1666 01:19:17,323 --> 01:19:19,993 "Maybe that was the problem all along." 1667 01:19:19,993 --> 01:19:22,829 "Stares for a moment." (mumbling) 1668 01:19:22,829 --> 01:19:24,831 And then it says I smash everything off the shelf. 1669 01:19:24,831 --> 01:19:26,499 So smash everything off the shelf. 1670 01:19:26,499 --> 01:19:28,902 (grunting) 1671 01:19:30,704 --> 01:19:32,405 "Such a sickening waste. 1672 01:19:32,405 --> 01:19:35,241 "Think of the people. Think of the places. 1673 01:19:35,241 --> 01:19:37,510 -Think of the world..." -Use your grief. 1674 01:19:37,510 --> 01:19:38,912 For a rehearsal? 1675 01:19:38,912 --> 01:19:40,413 I'm not even in this picture. 1676 01:19:40,413 --> 01:19:42,315 I'm a war photographer. 1677 01:19:42,315 --> 01:19:43,917 Use your grief. 1678 01:19:45,485 --> 01:19:46,853 All right. 1679 01:19:50,256 --> 01:19:52,592 "Such a sickening waste. 1680 01:19:54,194 --> 01:19:57,864 "Think of the people. Think of the places. 1681 01:19:57,864 --> 01:20:01,101 Think of the world you could have seen, Dolores." 1682 01:20:03,203 --> 01:20:05,338 "I've already seen it." 1683 01:20:06,272 --> 01:20:09,900 She still is... uh, is-is she a ghost? 1684 01:20:11,778 --> 01:20:13,580 It's not clear. 1685 01:20:14,381 --> 01:20:15,682 Uh... (sniffs) 1686 01:20:15,682 --> 01:20:17,417 Then the, uh... the... 1687 01:20:18,518 --> 01:20:20,453 Then the coroner comes in, orders me out of the room. 1688 01:20:20,453 --> 01:20:22,288 I slowly turn away and close the door. 1689 01:20:22,288 --> 01:20:23,390 Scene. 1690 01:20:23,390 --> 01:20:25,525 My sandwich is burning. 1691 01:20:25,525 --> 01:20:27,594 (door opens) 1692 01:20:29,362 --> 01:20:30,864 (sizzling) 1693 01:20:30,864 --> 01:20:32,365 (door opens) 1694 01:20:35,869 --> 01:20:37,637 (blowing) 1695 01:20:40,907 --> 01:20:42,609 My daughter saw us. 1696 01:20:42,609 --> 01:20:43,610 What? 1697 01:20:43,610 --> 01:20:45,578 Oh, uh, Dinah saw us. 1698 01:20:45,578 --> 01:20:48,281 Through this window, in your bedroom yesterday. 1699 01:20:49,215 --> 01:20:51,451 (lively jazz music playing) 1700 01:20:57,900 --> 01:21:00,226 Did you, uh, tell her we were rehearsing again? 1701 01:21:01,127 --> 01:21:03,163 I didn't think of that. I should've. 1702 01:21:03,163 --> 01:21:06,132 But it's too late, because I admitted everything. 1703 01:21:07,167 --> 01:21:08,968 Did she tell Woodrow? 1704 01:21:09,803 --> 01:21:11,438 Hard to say. 1705 01:21:11,438 --> 01:21:13,600 She can keep a secret. 1706 01:21:13,600 --> 01:21:14,808 I don't know if she will. 1707 01:21:17,610 --> 01:21:20,413 This isn't the beginning of something, Augie. 1708 01:21:20,413 --> 01:21:22,415 Isn't it? 1709 01:21:23,283 --> 01:21:24,784 Is it? 1710 01:21:24,784 --> 01:21:26,753 Probably not. 1711 01:21:26,753 --> 01:21:28,121 Unless maybe it is. 1712 01:21:28,121 --> 01:21:29,689 I don't like the way that guy looked at us. 1713 01:21:29,689 --> 01:21:31,791 -What guy? -The alien. 1714 01:21:31,791 --> 01:21:33,159 Oh. How did he... 1715 01:21:33,159 --> 01:21:35,428 -How did he look at us? -Like we're doomed. 1716 01:21:37,864 --> 01:21:40,133 Maybe we are. 1717 01:21:40,133 --> 01:21:41,835 (buzzing softly) 1718 01:21:43,536 --> 01:21:45,672 -(sizzles) -(both gasp) 1719 01:21:45,672 --> 01:21:47,307 What did you just do? 1720 01:21:47,307 --> 01:21:48,875 I burned my hand on the Quicky-Griddle. 1721 01:21:48,875 --> 01:21:50,977 -Why? -It's not clear. 1722 01:21:50,977 --> 01:21:53,146 Show me. 1723 01:21:53,980 --> 01:21:55,648 You really did it. 1724 01:21:55,648 --> 01:21:58,284 That actually happened. 1725 01:22:00,487 --> 01:22:02,655 (rapid gunfire) 1726 01:22:06,659 --> 01:22:08,361 Pull. 1727 01:22:10,363 --> 01:22:13,400 (crackling, whirring) 1728 01:22:14,734 --> 01:22:17,170 How long can they keep us in Asteroid City? 1729 01:22:17,170 --> 01:22:18,638 Legally, I mean. 1730 01:22:18,638 --> 01:22:20,600 Well, I'm not an attorney, 1731 01:22:20,600 --> 01:22:21,641 but I'd say as long as they like. 1732 01:22:21,641 --> 01:22:23,343 I think we'd have to file an injunction 1733 01:22:23,343 --> 01:22:25,780 and successfully argue the case-- six months to a year? 1734 01:22:25,780 --> 01:22:26,513 Of course, we'd also need to initiate 1735 01:22:26,513 --> 01:22:27,914 a civil suit for loss of income. 1736 01:22:27,914 --> 01:22:29,683 Maybe we should just walk out right now. 1737 01:22:29,683 --> 01:22:32,819 I'm not sure they could stop us without killing somebody. 1738 01:22:32,819 --> 01:22:34,387 Interesting idea. 1739 01:22:34,387 --> 01:22:37,230 What kind of mileage you think that jet pack gets? 1740 01:22:37,230 --> 01:22:38,358 Ask Roger or his son. 1741 01:22:38,358 --> 01:22:39,926 Apparently, he's being prosecuted 1742 01:22:39,926 --> 01:22:41,361 for revealing state secrets. 1743 01:22:41,361 --> 01:22:43,329 -They'll never make it stick. -I'm in no hurry. 1744 01:22:43,329 --> 01:22:45,365 I like the desert. I like aliens. 1745 01:22:45,365 --> 01:22:46,900 -Pull. -(running footsteps) 1746 01:22:46,900 --> 01:22:48,368 GUARD: How'd you get that back? 1747 01:22:48,368 --> 01:22:49,769 The projects remain under secure lockdown. 1748 01:22:49,769 --> 01:22:51,171 No Stargazer is permitted personal access 1749 01:22:51,171 --> 01:22:52,238 without the express permission... 1750 01:22:52,238 --> 01:22:53,540 My son invented this death ray. 1751 01:22:53,540 --> 01:22:55,410 That may be true, but my orders are... 1752 01:22:55,410 --> 01:22:56,609 -Step back. -Easy, fellas. 1753 01:22:56,609 --> 01:22:58,378 -We're not in Guadalcanal anymore. -Okay, okay, okay. 1754 01:22:58,378 --> 01:23:00,213 Everyone, please. It's been a difficult quarantine. 1755 01:23:00,213 --> 01:23:01,881 -I'll zap you right now! -You stole your projects! 1756 01:23:01,881 --> 01:23:03,416 GIBSON (over radio): Goddamn it, tell them 1757 01:23:03,416 --> 01:23:04,784 -to stand down! -Stand down! You hear that? 1758 01:23:04,784 --> 01:23:06,186 General Gibson says, "Stand down." 1759 01:23:06,186 --> 01:23:07,587 -You married? -Of course. 1760 01:23:07,587 --> 01:23:09,689 We'll reconfiscate the projects at a later time. 1761 01:23:09,689 --> 01:23:11,191 Probably after dinner. 1762 01:23:12,580 --> 01:23:14,194 Try it. 1763 01:23:15,929 --> 01:23:17,564 DINAH: Tab Hunter, Doris Day, out, 1764 01:23:17,564 --> 01:23:19,632 Jack the Ripper, out, Bing Crosby, Shirley Temple, 1765 01:23:19,632 --> 01:23:21,701 out, out, Orson Welles, Lucille Ball, out, 1766 01:23:21,701 --> 01:23:23,903 Marlon Brando, out, Queen Elizabeth, Mickey Mantle, 1767 01:23:23,903 --> 01:23:25,572 out, out, Yul Brynner, Louis Armstrong, 1768 01:23:25,572 --> 01:23:28,740 out, Lana Turner, out, Betty Grable, Ella Fitzgerald, 1769 01:23:28,740 --> 01:23:30,577 out, out, Rock Hudson, out, Jerry Lewis, out, out, 1770 01:23:30,577 --> 01:23:32,779 Greta Garbo, Karl Marx, out, Joan of Arc, out, 1771 01:23:32,779 --> 01:23:34,414 Charles Darwin, Walter Pidgeon, out, 1772 01:23:34,414 --> 01:23:36,316 Emily Dickinson, Galileo, out, out, 1773 01:23:36,316 --> 01:23:38,151 Pontius Pilate, out, Ernest Hemingway, Jackie O... 1774 01:23:38,151 --> 01:23:40,286 Who's responsible for stealing my radio telescope, 1775 01:23:40,286 --> 01:23:41,921 my signal processing receiver 1776 01:23:41,921 --> 01:23:44,424 and my entire spectrographical monitoring network? 1777 01:23:45,992 --> 01:23:47,994 They're trying to contact the alien. 1778 01:23:47,994 --> 01:23:50,930 Well, I appreciate that, but what about Dr. Hickenlooper? 1779 01:23:50,930 --> 01:23:53,933 If you're trying to contact the alien, include me. 1780 01:23:53,933 --> 01:23:56,102 Did you hear anything from him so far? 1781 01:23:56,102 --> 01:23:57,804 -No. -DR. HICKENLOOPER: Huh. 1782 01:23:57,804 --> 01:23:59,639 What's all this? 1783 01:23:59,639 --> 01:24:01,941 WOODROW: I put the American flag just to be patriotic. 1784 01:24:01,941 --> 01:24:03,677 Now we need to really mean something. 1785 01:24:03,677 --> 01:24:05,679 A universal message, not only to earthlings. 1786 01:24:05,679 --> 01:24:07,814 We already thought of everything we could think of: 1787 01:24:07,814 --> 01:24:09,516 a cross, a star, a four-leaf clover, 1788 01:24:09,516 --> 01:24:11,117 letters, numbers, hieroglyphics. 1789 01:24:11,117 --> 01:24:12,986 What's the point of projecting a star onto the moon? 1790 01:24:12,986 --> 01:24:14,354 -Exactly. -I ask that sincerely. 1791 01:24:14,354 --> 01:24:15,622 How about "E equals MC-squared"? 1792 01:24:15,622 --> 01:24:16,956 -I still think it's... -They know that. 1793 01:24:16,956 --> 01:24:18,291 -It's too easy. -This is our chance 1794 01:24:18,291 --> 01:24:20,360 to be actually worthwhile in our lifetimes. 1795 01:24:20,360 --> 01:24:22,280 I see what you mean. 1796 01:24:22,280 --> 01:24:24,300 -Whose turn was it? -Oh, the middle of mine. 1797 01:24:24,300 --> 01:24:25,699 I'd better start over. 1798 01:24:25,699 --> 01:24:27,467 -Cleopatra, Jagadish... -A word, Woodrow. 1799 01:24:27,467 --> 01:24:30,360 About the, uh, settings on the spectrograph. 1800 01:24:30,360 --> 01:24:31,538 Over here, if you wouldn't mind. 1801 01:24:31,538 --> 01:24:33,173 DINAH: ...Kurt Gödel, William Henry Bragg... 1802 01:24:33,173 --> 01:24:35,208 DR. HICKENLOOPER: The, uh, warning label indicates 1803 01:24:35,208 --> 01:24:37,100 that the, uh... 1804 01:24:39,312 --> 01:24:42,150 It's all worthwhile in your lifetime. 1805 01:24:42,150 --> 01:24:43,683 -This, I mean. -Okay. 1806 01:24:43,683 --> 01:24:45,985 Your curiosity is your most important asset. 1807 01:24:45,985 --> 01:24:47,320 -Trust it. -Okay. 1808 01:24:47,320 --> 01:24:48,888 -Trust your curiosity. -Okay. 1809 01:24:48,888 --> 01:24:50,990 The resources of my lab will always be available to you. 1810 01:24:50,990 --> 01:24:52,625 After this thing is over, I mean. 1811 01:24:52,625 --> 01:24:54,627 You could maybe sort of be my protégé, if you like. 1812 01:24:54,627 --> 01:24:55,962 Oh, wow. Maybe we can prove 1813 01:24:55,962 --> 01:24:57,297 the hypothesis of celestial flirtation 1814 01:24:57,297 --> 01:24:58,631 and get the math right finally. 1815 01:24:58,631 --> 01:24:59,966 Wow. Let's try. 1816 01:24:59,966 --> 01:25:01,901 I think I see the dots from space 1817 01:25:01,901 --> 01:25:03,703 burned into your eyeballs. 1818 01:25:06,573 --> 01:25:08,141 I'm sorry about your mother. 1819 01:25:08,141 --> 01:25:11,440 I miss mine, too, and she died 46 years ago. 1820 01:25:12,245 --> 01:25:14,347 Thank you. 1821 01:25:16,483 --> 01:25:18,151 I've already petitioned the State Assembly 1822 01:25:18,151 --> 01:25:20,520 to change the name of the town from Asteroid City 1823 01:25:20,520 --> 01:25:22,155 to Alien Landing, U.S.A. 1824 01:25:22,155 --> 01:25:24,691 This municipality might end up being the center 1825 01:25:24,691 --> 01:25:27,894 of a vast community of Stargazers and Space Cadets. 1826 01:25:27,894 --> 01:25:30,864 It's a historic offering. 1827 01:25:30,864 --> 01:25:33,330 (jingling) 1828 01:25:36,690 --> 01:25:38,171 GIBSON: As you know, the Asteroid Day itinerary 1829 01:25:38,171 --> 01:25:39,606 had to be suspended last week 1830 01:25:39,606 --> 01:25:42,108 due to the factual reality of our circumstances. 1831 01:25:42,108 --> 01:25:43,943 However, I have an announcement to make. 1832 01:25:43,943 --> 01:25:45,912 Dr. Hickenlooper and the Military-Science 1833 01:25:45,912 --> 01:25:47,580 Research and Experimentation Division, 1834 01:25:47,580 --> 01:25:49,449 in conjunction with the Larkings Foundation, 1835 01:25:49,449 --> 01:25:51,785 have officially selected a recipient 1836 01:25:51,785 --> 01:25:53,853 for this year's Hickenlooper Scholarship, 1837 01:25:53,853 --> 01:25:57,570 and you're all going home first thing tomorrow morning. 1838 01:25:57,570 --> 01:25:59,125 The president has opted to lift the quarantine 1839 01:25:59,125 --> 01:26:00,960 by executive decree. 1840 01:26:00,960 --> 01:26:03,563 (cheering) 1841 01:26:03,563 --> 01:26:05,231 I'd like to take this opportunity-- 1842 01:26:05,231 --> 01:26:07,367 and, by the way, all of this year's projects, 1843 01:26:07,367 --> 01:26:08,868 setting aside my own 1844 01:26:08,868 --> 01:26:10,904 differences of opinion with Ricky Cho, 1845 01:26:10,904 --> 01:26:13,406 were of the very highest caliber, without exception-- 1846 01:26:13,406 --> 01:26:16,276 -to officially declare, uh... -(crowd murmuring) 1847 01:26:16,276 --> 01:26:17,711 -What's happening now? -Scholarship... 1848 01:26:17,711 --> 01:26:19,790 -What's happening now? -I don't know. 1849 01:26:19,790 --> 01:26:20,747 It's today again. 1850 01:26:20,747 --> 01:26:23,149 -(rhythmic beeping) -(crowd murmuring) 1851 01:26:30,824 --> 01:26:33,930 ♪ ♪ 1852 01:26:54,247 --> 01:26:56,149 It's been inventoried. 1853 01:26:56,149 --> 01:26:58,518 (crowd gasping, murmuring quietly) 1854 01:27:00,520 --> 01:27:02,122 Under the provisions of 1855 01:27:02,122 --> 01:27:03,757 National Security Emergency Scrimmage Plan X, 1856 01:27:03,757 --> 01:27:05,658 the lifting of the quarantine which I just announced 1857 01:27:05,658 --> 01:27:07,660 is now canceled or at least postponed 1858 01:27:07,660 --> 01:27:11,131 due to the unexpected new event which just... 1859 01:27:11,131 --> 01:27:13,299 (crowd clamoring) 1860 01:27:26,513 --> 01:27:28,782 (clamoring continues) 1861 01:27:34,754 --> 01:27:37,991 Why does Augie burn his hand on the Quicky-Griddle? 1862 01:27:37,991 --> 01:27:40,293 I still don't understand the play. 1863 01:27:41,461 --> 01:27:42,762 What? 1864 01:27:42,762 --> 01:27:44,330 (whooping) 1865 01:27:44,330 --> 01:27:46,566 (clamoring continues) 1866 01:27:51,271 --> 01:27:54,700 Where are you going? 1867 01:27:54,700 --> 01:27:55,909 I'll be right back. 1868 01:27:55,909 --> 01:27:57,844 MAN: I don't play him as an alien, actually. 1869 01:27:57,844 --> 01:27:59,479 I play him as a metaphor. 1870 01:27:59,479 --> 01:28:01,247 -That's my interpretation. -Metaphor for what? 1871 01:28:01,247 --> 01:28:03,950 I-I don't know yet. We don't pin it down. 1872 01:28:03,950 --> 01:28:06,190 Schubert. Schubert. 1873 01:28:06,190 --> 01:28:08,188 -Schubert! Schubert! -Huh? Yes. 1874 01:28:08,188 --> 01:28:10,523 What's wrong? Are you on? 1875 01:28:10,523 --> 01:28:12,325 Technically, but General Gibson just started the scene 1876 01:28:12,325 --> 01:28:14,127 where the president doesn't accept his resignation. 1877 01:28:14,127 --> 01:28:16,129 I've got six and a half minutes before my next line. 1878 01:28:16,129 --> 01:28:18,131 I need an answer to a question I want to ask. 1879 01:28:18,131 --> 01:28:19,265 Okay. 1880 01:28:19,265 --> 01:28:21,201 Am I doing him right? 1881 01:28:21,201 --> 01:28:22,535 Oh. 1882 01:28:22,535 --> 01:28:23,870 Well... (clears throat) 1883 01:28:23,870 --> 01:28:25,372 I told you before, there's too much business-- 1884 01:28:25,372 --> 01:28:26,639 with the pipe, with the lighter, 1885 01:28:26,639 --> 01:28:28,274 with the camera, with the eyebrow-- 1886 01:28:28,274 --> 01:28:30,377 but aside from that, on the whole, 1887 01:28:30,377 --> 01:28:32,779 in answer to your question... Sit down. 1888 01:28:35,148 --> 01:28:36,783 You're doing him just right. 1889 01:28:36,783 --> 01:28:39,386 In fact, in my opinion, you didn't just become Augie. 1890 01:28:39,386 --> 01:28:40,720 He became you. 1891 01:28:40,720 --> 01:28:41,821 I feel lost. 1892 01:28:41,821 --> 01:28:43,390 -Good. -He's such a wounded guy. 1893 01:28:43,390 --> 01:28:45,291 I feel like my heart is getting broken-- 1894 01:28:45,291 --> 01:28:46,493 my own, personal heart-- 1895 01:28:46,493 --> 01:28:47,660 -every night. -Good. 1896 01:28:47,660 --> 01:28:49,195 -Do I just keep doing it? -Yes. 1897 01:28:49,195 --> 01:28:50,997 -Without knowing anything? -Yes. 1898 01:28:50,997 --> 01:28:52,866 Isn't there supposed to be some kind of an answer 1899 01:28:52,866 --> 01:28:54,334 out there in the cosmic wilderness? 1900 01:28:54,334 --> 01:28:55,568 Woodrow's line about the meaning of life. 1901 01:28:55,568 --> 01:28:56,870 -"Maybe there is one." -Right. 1902 01:28:56,870 --> 01:28:58,238 Well, that's my question. 1903 01:29:00,600 --> 01:29:02,800 I still don't understand the play. 1904 01:29:02,800 --> 01:29:03,543 Doesn't matter. 1905 01:29:03,543 --> 01:29:06,120 Just keep telling the story. 1906 01:29:06,846 --> 01:29:08,181 You're doing him right. 1907 01:29:08,181 --> 01:29:09,683 I need a breath of fresh air. 1908 01:29:09,683 --> 01:29:10,750 Huh. 1909 01:29:10,750 --> 01:29:13,219 Okay, but you won't find one. 1910 01:29:16,560 --> 01:29:17,657 Right. 1911 01:29:17,657 --> 01:29:19,826 ♪ ♪ 1912 01:29:21,594 --> 01:29:23,763 (clock ticking) 1913 01:29:30,403 --> 01:29:32,572 (wind whistling) 1914 01:29:37,770 --> 01:29:38,912 WOMAN: Hello. 1915 01:29:40,847 --> 01:29:43,717 Oh. It's you, the wife who played my actress. 1916 01:29:43,717 --> 01:29:47,530 Hmm. My scene was cut after one rehearsal. 1917 01:29:48,221 --> 01:29:50,924 -We still use your photograph. -Hmm. 1918 01:29:53,927 --> 01:29:56,262 You remember the dialogue? 1919 01:29:57,397 --> 01:29:58,932 No. 1920 01:30:00,133 --> 01:30:03,269 We meet in a dream on the alien's planet. 1921 01:30:03,269 --> 01:30:05,138 Magnavox-27. 1922 01:30:05,138 --> 01:30:07,741 Actually, it's one of the moons of it. 1923 01:30:08,708 --> 01:30:11,945 You say, "Did you talk to the alien?" 1924 01:30:11,945 --> 01:30:15,810 I say, "Not yet." 1925 01:30:15,810 --> 01:30:17,817 You say, "Why not? I thought for sure 1926 01:30:17,817 --> 01:30:20,787 you would've yelled at him or made him laugh." 1927 01:30:20,787 --> 01:30:24,991 I say, "Or asked him the secrets of the universe?" 1928 01:30:24,991 --> 01:30:27,127 You say, "Exactly." 1929 01:30:28,228 --> 01:30:31,231 I say, "I think he's shy." 1930 01:30:32,465 --> 01:30:34,167 You say, 1931 01:30:34,167 --> 01:30:36,970 "So's Woodrow, but I'm sure he'll grow out of it. 1932 01:30:36,970 --> 01:30:39,939 I mean, at least I hope he will, without a mother." 1933 01:30:41,741 --> 01:30:45,278 I say, "He's a late bloomer, 1934 01:30:45,278 --> 01:30:50,583 but maybe I think you'll need to replace me." 1935 01:30:50,583 --> 01:30:51,951 You say, 1936 01:30:51,951 --> 01:30:55,880 "What? Why? How? I can't." 1937 01:30:56,322 --> 01:31:00,960 I say, "Maybe I think you'll need to try. 1938 01:31:03,296 --> 01:31:05,699 I'm not coming back, Augie." 1939 01:31:08,468 --> 01:31:11,771 Then you take a picture of me and start crying, 1940 01:31:11,771 --> 01:31:13,807 and I say... 1941 01:31:16,900 --> 01:31:18,478 "I hope it comes out." 1942 01:31:21,548 --> 01:31:23,717 And I say, 1943 01:31:23,717 --> 01:31:26,119 "All my pictures come out." 1944 01:31:26,119 --> 01:31:27,320 (camera clicks) 1945 01:31:37,731 --> 01:31:39,532 Hmm. 1946 01:31:39,532 --> 01:31:41,401 Good memory. Why'd they cut it? 1947 01:31:41,401 --> 01:31:42,902 Running time. 1948 01:31:42,902 --> 01:31:44,637 Now I'm First Lady-in-Waiting to the Queen Consort 1949 01:31:44,637 --> 01:31:46,172 in Fruit of a Withering Vine. 1950 01:31:46,172 --> 01:31:47,841 You missed your cue. 1951 01:31:47,841 --> 01:31:49,976 June and the cowboy are already necking in the station wagon. 1952 01:31:49,976 --> 01:31:52,846 They're bandaging the understudy's hand right now. 1953 01:31:54,180 --> 01:31:55,915 Oh. It's you. 1954 01:31:55,915 --> 01:31:57,751 We almost would've had a scene together. 1955 01:31:57,751 --> 01:31:59,919 -Hello. 1956 01:31:59,919 --> 01:32:02,880 (clock ticking) 1957 01:32:02,880 --> 01:32:05,925 Six months into the run, the company received the news: 1958 01:32:05,925 --> 01:32:08,661 a catastrophic automobile accident. 1959 01:32:08,661 --> 01:32:10,764 Conrad Earp, American playwright 1960 01:32:10,764 --> 01:32:13,600 unequaled in passion and imagination, 1961 01:32:13,600 --> 01:32:15,168 dead at 50. 1962 01:32:15,168 --> 01:32:17,404 CONRAD: I'd like to make a scene where all my characters 1963 01:32:17,404 --> 01:32:19,390 are each gently, privately seduced 1964 01:32:19,390 --> 01:32:21,341 into the deepest, dreamiest slumber of their lives 1965 01:32:21,341 --> 01:32:23,430 as a result of their shared experience 1966 01:32:23,430 --> 01:32:25,912 of a bewildering and bedazzling celestial mystery, 1967 01:32:25,912 --> 01:32:28,381 -but I don't know how to write it. -(snoring) 1968 01:32:29,282 --> 01:32:31,885 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1969 01:32:31,885 --> 01:32:33,420 -What was that? -(murmuring) 1970 01:32:33,420 --> 01:32:35,210 What's happening? 1971 01:32:35,955 --> 01:32:37,724 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1972 01:32:37,724 --> 01:32:38,892 -What? -That's not true. 1973 01:32:38,892 --> 01:32:40,226 -Say it again. -Who cares? 1974 01:32:40,226 --> 01:32:42,962 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1975 01:32:42,962 --> 01:32:44,130 -Why should you? -Maybe not. 1976 01:32:44,130 --> 01:32:45,632 -Of course. -Uh, yes. 1977 01:32:45,632 --> 01:32:47,634 -You can't wake up... -If you don't fall asleep. 1978 01:32:47,634 --> 01:32:49,969 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1979 01:32:49,969 --> 01:32:51,971 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1980 01:32:51,971 --> 01:32:54,274 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1981 01:32:54,274 --> 01:32:56,743 ALL: You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1982 01:32:56,743 --> 01:32:59,112 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1983 01:32:59,112 --> 01:33:01,414 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1984 01:33:01,414 --> 01:33:03,783 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1985 01:33:03,783 --> 01:33:06,152 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1986 01:33:06,152 --> 01:33:08,588 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1987 01:33:08,588 --> 01:33:11,910 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1988 01:33:11,910 --> 01:33:13,259 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1989 01:33:13,259 --> 01:33:15,595 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1990 01:33:15,595 --> 01:33:18,732 You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep. 1991 01:33:30,910 --> 01:33:33,680 (insects trilling) 1992 01:33:39,252 --> 01:33:43,123 ("How High the Moon" by Les Paul & Mary Ford playing) 1993 01:33:46,760 --> 01:33:50,430 ♪ Somewhere there's music, how faint the tune ♪ 1994 01:33:50,430 --> 01:33:53,533 ♪ Somewhere there's heaven, how high the moon... ♪ 1995 01:33:53,533 --> 01:33:56,503 Uh, where'd they go? 1996 01:33:57,270 --> 01:33:58,705 Good morning, Mr. Steenbeck. 1997 01:33:58,705 --> 01:34:00,874 Juice preference, please-- apple, orange or tomato. 1998 01:34:00,874 --> 01:34:02,709 Where'd they go? Everybody. 1999 01:34:02,709 --> 01:34:04,210 Of course. I understand. 2000 01:34:04,210 --> 01:34:06,212 The president lifted the quarantine after all, 2001 01:34:06,212 --> 01:34:07,714 at midnight. 2002 01:34:07,714 --> 01:34:09,549 He sent the whole gang home-- the troops, the cowboys, 2003 01:34:09,549 --> 01:34:11,284 the Junior Stargazers and Space Cadets. 2004 01:34:11,284 --> 01:34:13,787 You are free to return back to wherever you came from. 2005 01:34:13,787 --> 01:34:15,622 We had 11 checkouts this morning. 2006 01:34:15,622 --> 01:34:17,657 I guess you overslept. 2007 01:34:17,657 --> 01:34:19,559 They returned your science projects, by the way. 2008 01:34:19,559 --> 01:34:21,194 Hmm. 2009 01:34:22,328 --> 01:34:24,497 -Tomato. -Right away. 2010 01:34:25,665 --> 01:34:27,667 (door opens) 2011 01:34:31,370 --> 01:34:34,507 The plan was to shovel it up and take her with us. 2012 01:34:34,507 --> 01:34:37,877 Like I said, we'll exhume the Tupperware. 2013 01:34:37,877 --> 01:34:40,480 We don't have any burial rights to this plot here. 2014 01:34:40,480 --> 01:34:42,482 I would question whether it even is a plot. 2015 01:34:42,482 --> 01:34:43,883 It isn't. 2016 01:34:43,883 --> 01:34:45,985 -Don't murder my mother's ashes! -He's killing her! 2017 01:34:45,985 --> 01:34:48,722 No, no, no, no. Let us pray. 2018 01:34:52,726 --> 01:34:54,260 Poppy! 2019 01:34:55,729 --> 01:34:58,398 Dear Heavenly Father, we thank thee for the life 2020 01:34:58,398 --> 01:35:02,369 of this magnificent woman, who was once just a little girl 2021 01:35:02,369 --> 01:35:05,380 like these three witches in training. 2022 01:35:05,380 --> 01:35:06,606 -Not in training. -We are witches. 2023 01:35:06,606 --> 01:35:08,241 Part witch, part alien. 2024 01:35:08,241 --> 01:35:10,610 Like these three witches at one time. 2025 01:35:10,610 --> 01:35:13,546 We had no intention of permanently burying her 2026 01:35:13,546 --> 01:35:15,548 next to this unmarked cactus, 2027 01:35:15,548 --> 01:35:17,500 but I no longer have the strength 2028 01:35:17,500 --> 01:35:20,530 to fight for her dignity, nor neither does Augie. 2029 01:35:20,530 --> 01:35:21,788 -Do you? -No. 2030 01:35:21,788 --> 01:35:24,891 So we'll defer to the wishes of her stubborn daughters. 2031 01:35:24,891 --> 01:35:28,461 Woodrow, any final farewell? 2032 01:35:28,461 --> 01:35:30,263 I don't believe in God anymore. 2033 01:35:30,263 --> 01:35:31,698 Fair enough. 2034 01:35:31,698 --> 01:35:34,734 -Amen. -GIRLS: Amen. 2035 01:35:34,734 --> 01:35:37,303 Friskity, triskity, briskity, boo, 2036 01:35:37,303 --> 01:35:40,607 knickerty, knockerty, tockerty, too. 2037 01:35:40,607 --> 01:35:42,909 Mama is in the ground. 2038 01:35:42,909 --> 01:35:45,245 Say the prayer for Mama. 2039 01:35:45,245 --> 01:35:47,881 Mama, we'll say the prayer, too. 2040 01:35:47,881 --> 01:35:49,482 You are beautiful... 2041 01:35:49,482 --> 01:35:51,840 (door opens, bell jingles) 2042 01:35:51,840 --> 01:35:52,886 AUGIE: Five orders of flapjacks and two black coffees. 2043 01:35:52,886 --> 01:35:54,654 -(door closes) -Thanks. 2044 01:35:54,654 --> 01:35:57,490 ("The Streets of Laredo" by Bing Crosby playing quietly) 2045 01:35:57,490 --> 01:35:58,925 Who needs to pee? 2046 01:35:58,925 --> 01:36:00,627 -Nobody needs to pee. -I don't. -Not me. 2047 01:36:00,627 --> 01:36:02,328 WAITRESS: How about a glass of strawberry milk? 2048 01:36:02,328 --> 01:36:04,397 -GIRLS: Mmm. -Yes, please. 2049 01:36:05,832 --> 01:36:08,568 Somebody win that scholarship? 2050 01:36:08,568 --> 01:36:10,503 I did. 2051 01:36:10,503 --> 01:36:12,172 -When? -Last night. 2052 01:36:12,172 --> 01:36:15,108 General Gibson slipped it to me in line at the communal showers. 2053 01:36:15,108 --> 01:36:17,143 I think he just wanted to get it over with. 2054 01:36:17,143 --> 01:36:19,512 It's actually a standard-sized check of typical dimensions. 2055 01:36:19,512 --> 01:36:21,614 The big one's only for show. 2056 01:36:21,614 --> 01:36:23,616 -Wow. -Congratulations, Woodrow. 2057 01:36:23,616 --> 01:36:24,984 That's, uh, stupendous. 2058 01:36:24,984 --> 01:36:26,453 You must be some kind of a genius. 2059 01:36:26,453 --> 01:36:27,654 I agree. 2060 01:36:27,654 --> 01:36:30,290 You must be some kind of brainiac. 2061 01:36:31,291 --> 01:36:33,126 Has it got any strings attached to it? 2062 01:36:33,126 --> 01:36:34,694 It's made out to you personally. 2063 01:36:34,694 --> 01:36:36,763 How you plan to use it? 2064 01:36:37,997 --> 01:36:40,300 I'll probably spend it on my girlfriend. 2065 01:36:44,104 --> 01:36:46,840 What do you write in that little book? 2066 01:36:48,208 --> 01:36:49,976 Next year's project, confidentially. 2067 01:36:49,976 --> 01:36:52,450 -Gee whiz. Look at that. Whoa. -Wow. Is that possible? 2068 01:36:52,450 --> 01:36:54,140 -Is that possible? -(footsteps approaching) 2069 01:36:54,140 --> 01:36:57,384 WAITRESS: Midge Campbell left you her address. 2070 01:36:57,384 --> 01:37:00,220 It's just a post office box. 2071 01:37:02,222 --> 01:37:03,890 (whispers): What happened that night I saw the... 2072 01:37:03,890 --> 01:37:05,492 That's none of your business, Stanley. 2073 01:37:05,492 --> 01:37:07,227 I know. Of course it isn't. 2074 01:37:07,227 --> 01:37:08,828 I only ask because Woodrow told me 2075 01:37:08,828 --> 01:37:10,563 -Dinah told him. -I understand. I understand. 2076 01:37:10,563 --> 01:37:12,650 I understand. 2077 01:37:12,650 --> 01:37:14,734 I went to law school with her former agent. 2078 01:37:14,734 --> 01:37:16,970 Anyway, I don't object. 2079 01:37:16,970 --> 01:37:20,400 She's actually a very gifted comedienne. 2080 01:37:20,400 --> 01:37:21,574 That's true. 2081 01:37:21,574 --> 01:37:25,178 -(distant explosion) -(rumbling) 2082 01:37:25,178 --> 01:37:27,414 CASHIER: Another atom bomb test. 2083 01:37:29,916 --> 01:37:33,319 -(gunfire outside) -(siren wailing) 2084 01:37:42,996 --> 01:37:46,499 ("Freight Train" by The Charles McDevitt Skiffle Group playing) 2085 01:37:50,236 --> 01:37:52,405 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 2086 01:37:52,405 --> 01:37:54,207 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 2087 01:37:54,207 --> 01:37:56,242 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 2088 01:37:56,242 --> 01:37:58,440 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 2089 01:37:58,440 --> 01:38:00,880 ♪ I don't know what train he's on ♪ 2090 01:38:00,880 --> 01:38:03,383 -♪ Won't you tell me... ♪ -(camera clicks) 2091 01:38:03,383 --> 01:38:05,552 Woodrow, let's go. 2092 01:38:05,552 --> 01:38:07,587 ♪ ♪ 2093 01:38:13,260 --> 01:38:14,527 ♪ Don't know where ♪ 2094 01:38:14,527 --> 01:38:16,896 -♪ He's heading for ♪ -(engine starts) 2095 01:38:16,896 --> 01:38:18,398 ♪ What he's done ♪ 2096 01:38:18,398 --> 01:38:20,700 -♪ Against the law ♪ -(train whistle blows) 2097 01:38:20,700 --> 01:38:23,870 ♪ Got no future, got no hope ♪ 2098 01:38:23,870 --> 01:38:27,741 ♪ Just nothing but the rope ♪ 2099 01:38:27,741 --> 01:38:29,976 ♪ ♪ 2100 01:38:35,749 --> 01:38:37,650 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 2101 01:38:37,650 --> 01:38:39,419 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 2102 01:38:39,419 --> 01:38:41,621 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 2103 01:38:41,621 --> 01:38:43,390 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 2104 01:38:43,390 --> 01:38:45,959 ♪ I don't know what train he's on ♪ 2105 01:38:45,959 --> 01:38:48,128 -(roadrunner chitters) -♪ Won't you tell me ♪ 2106 01:38:48,128 --> 01:38:50,663 ♪ Where he's gone ♪ 2107 01:38:50,663 --> 01:38:52,832 ♪ ♪ 2108 01:38:58,471 --> 01:39:02,275 ♪ He lost his reason, lost his life ♪ 2109 01:39:02,275 --> 01:39:06,146 ♪ He killed his friend in mortal strife ♪ 2110 01:39:06,146 --> 01:39:09,449 ♪ He must keep moving like the rolling skies ♪ 2111 01:39:09,449 --> 01:39:13,687 ♪ Just a-waitin' till he dies ♪ 2112 01:39:13,687 --> 01:39:15,855 ♪ ♪ 2113 01:39:21,428 --> 01:39:23,363 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 2114 01:39:23,363 --> 01:39:25,165 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 2115 01:39:25,165 --> 01:39:27,167 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 2116 01:39:27,167 --> 01:39:29,200 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 2117 01:39:29,200 --> 01:39:32,380 ♪ I don't know what train he's on ♪ 2118 01:39:32,380 --> 01:39:36,276 ♪ Won't you tell me where he's gone ♪ 2119 01:39:36,276 --> 01:39:38,445 ♪ ♪ 2120 01:39:44,217 --> 01:39:48,188 ♪ When he dies, just bury him, please ♪ 2121 01:39:48,188 --> 01:39:52,158 ♪ Way down the end of old Chestnut Street ♪ 2122 01:39:52,158 --> 01:39:55,462 ♪ Poplars at his head and feet ♪ 2123 01:39:55,462 --> 01:40:00,660 ♪ And tell them he's gone to sleep ♪ 2124 01:40:00,660 --> 01:40:02,235 ♪ ♪ 2125 01:40:07,307 --> 01:40:09,342 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 2126 01:40:09,342 --> 01:40:11,770 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 2127 01:40:11,770 --> 01:40:13,460 ♪ Freight train, freight train ♪ 2128 01:40:13,460 --> 01:40:14,914 ♪ Going so fast ♪ 2129 01:40:14,914 --> 01:40:18,180 ♪ I don't know what train he's on ♪ 2130 01:40:18,180 --> 01:40:22,220 ♪ Won't you tell me where he's gone. ♪ 2131 01:40:22,220 --> 01:40:24,190 ♪ ♪ 2132 01:40:34,734 --> 01:40:36,703 (song fades) 2133 01:40:36,703 --> 01:40:38,905 (wind howling) 2134 01:40:55,880 --> 01:40:58,258 ("You Can't Wake Up..." by Jarvis ****er playing) 2135 01:40:58,258 --> 01:41:02,429 ♪ You ♪ 2136 01:41:04,798 --> 01:41:08,680 ♪ Can't wake up ♪ 2137 01:41:08,680 --> 01:41:11,805 ♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪ 2138 01:41:11,805 --> 01:41:15,642 ♪ You can't fall in love ♪ 2139 01:41:15,642 --> 01:41:19,379 ♪ And land on your feet ♪ 2140 01:41:19,379 --> 01:41:22,749 ♪ You won't smell the roses ♪ 2141 01:41:22,749 --> 01:41:26,753 ♪ If you never plant a seed ♪ 2142 01:41:26,753 --> 01:41:29,889 ♪ And you can't wake up ♪ 2143 01:41:29,889 --> 01:41:34,594 ♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪ 2144 01:41:37,497 --> 01:41:41,301 ♪ You can't make an entrance ♪ 2145 01:41:41,301 --> 01:41:44,700 ♪ If you keep missing your cue ♪ 2146 01:41:45,939 --> 01:41:48,308 ♪ And you won't pick a winner ♪ 2147 01:41:48,308 --> 01:41:52,979 ♪ Till you learn how to choose ♪ 2148 01:41:52,979 --> 01:41:56,820 ♪ You'll never find the treasure ♪ 2149 01:41:56,820 --> 01:41:59,786 ♪ Unless you dig deep ♪ 2150 01:41:59,786 --> 01:42:02,956 ♪ And you can't wake up ♪ 2151 01:42:02,956 --> 01:42:06,860 ♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪ 2152 01:42:10,430 --> 01:42:14,134 ♪ Oh, you'll never ♪ 2153 01:42:14,134 --> 01:42:17,771 ♪ Have memories ♪ 2154 01:42:17,771 --> 01:42:21,174 ♪ Worth keeping ♪ 2155 01:42:23,943 --> 01:42:28,548 ♪ Oh, you'll never ♪ 2156 01:42:28,548 --> 01:42:31,885 ♪ Find the truth ♪ 2157 01:42:31,885 --> 01:42:36,122 ♪ You are seeking ♪ 2158 01:42:42,228 --> 01:42:46,299 ♪ While you are sleeping ♪ 2159 01:42:50,370 --> 01:42:54,674 ♪ But you can't wake up ♪ 2160 01:42:54,674 --> 01:42:58,511 ♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪ 2161 01:42:58,511 --> 01:43:02,315 ♪ So go live your dreams ♪ 2162 01:43:02,315 --> 01:43:05,151 ♪ And live them real deep ♪ 2163 01:43:05,151 --> 01:43:09,756 ♪ There is some counting money ♪ 2164 01:43:09,756 --> 01:43:14,928 ♪ And there's some counting sheep ♪ 2165 01:43:14,928 --> 01:43:19,990 ♪ Oh, you can't wake up ♪ 2166 01:43:19,990 --> 01:43:24,504 ♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪ 2167 01:43:30,410 --> 01:43:34,140 ♪ If you don't fall asleep. ♪ 2168 01:43:34,140 --> 01:43:36,182 ♪ ♪ 2169 01:44:06,790 --> 01:44:08,214 ♪ ♪ 2170 01:44:12,285 --> 01:44:14,454 (song ends) 2171 01:44:19,659 --> 01:44:21,761 WHISPERING VOICE: Wicked.