[birds calling]
[seagulls crying]
ADULT SASHA (VOICEOVER): I struggle now to remember
much of my childhood.
It only comes back to me in small fragments,
and even those memories are hard to trust.
I do remember his maps.
It's true I spent most of my life being angry at him.
The older I get, the more I feel
like I never even knew him at all.
My image of him now, I know, falls flat
compared to reality.
Thank you for your memories.
They're all I have now.
[children giggle, talking indistinctly]
[giggling]
CHILD: I have four pillows in my car.
[indistinct chatter]
[gentle classical music]
♪ ♪
[motor slows to a stop]
[vehicle door closes]
[vehicle doors closing]
MOTHER: Okay.
Boys, grab each one thing, and come with me in the house.
Now.
[both speaking Hungarian]
FATHER: Jeremy, help me with the mattress, please.
Ah!
[insects chirping]
[device clicking]
[music box playing light tune]
♪ ♪
SASHA: I am Miss Mousey.
[device clicking]
[camera shutter clicks]
Closing her eyes.
She's eating your leg.
[camera shutter clicks]
[Mother speaking Hungarian]
Mm-hmm.
[children humming]
[children continue humming]
[laughing]
- [speaking Hungarian]
[door opens] SASHA: Mom, your car keys.
MOTHER: Oh, thank you. FELIX: Come on!
Get out of my way, come on!
MOTHER: Come.
[door closes]
[car doors open, close, engine turning over]
[child shouts]
[children giggling]
SASHA: "And eventually become an evergreen forest.
"The first plants to occupy a disturbed site
"are called pioneer species, the process of processing
into forest called succession."
[camera shutter clicking, film whirring]
[seagulls crying]
NARRATOR (ON TV): The heron has two methods of fishing,
either he waits for the prey to come to him,
or else he stalks it very carefully.
[seagulls continue crying]
[birds calling]
NARRATOR (ON TV): While one protects the nest,
the other fishes
to meet the daily increasing need for food.
[children speaking indistinctly]
As time passes, the ritual exchanges between adults
become less and less frequent,
and the strong bond between them begins to weaken.
By the time they finally leave the colony,
these bonds will have completely disappeared.
His flight path is sometimes obstructed by other birds.
The direction and force of the wind
can also prevent him from landing,
so he takes off again and tries a new approach.
[seagulls crying]
MOTHER: No, please, no touching!
NARRATOR (ON TV): The young herons have now reached
their full growth and are left on their own.
[heron squawking]
They find food either guided by their instinct
or by following the adults to the feeding grounds.
[seagulls crying]
[car doors open]
[car doors close]
[engine turning over]
[cheerful music]
♪ ♪
[children chattering indistinctly]
- Thank you. - Yeah.
- Come on, let's go. - Yeah.
EMMA: Let's go to my place first.
BECKY: I can't wait.
ASHLEY: Maybe you can ask your mom if we can go in the pool.
I would love to go in the pool.
We could borrow some of your swimsuits.
EMMA: Let's go.
Right over here.
[child giggles]
Did you do your dance?
SASHA: Yes, I did do my dance.
BECKY: I didn't see you!
I know.
EMMA: You have to do a dance before we do it.
ASHLEY: Make sure you do a dance.
EMMA: It's our tradition. [all shouting happily]
CHILD: Wait... [continues indistinctly]
BECKY: Wait. She's right there.
[distant telephone ringing]
[object crunches]
[children whispering indistinctly]
[loud crash]
SASHA: You guys! [door swinging open]
Help. NEIGHBOR: Stay calm.
SASHA: Help.
NEIGHBOR: Here, grab a hold of this. Stay calm.
Here we go, here we go. Yeah, just hold on.
Why did you do that, sweetheart?
- [humming]
[vehicle engine roaring]
[continues humming]
FATHER: He wants to upset me. He wants to upset you.
[Mother speaking Hungarian]
[Father speaking Hungarian]
MOTHER: He's--he's troubled, but he's not crazy.
FATHER: And--
MOTHER: Crazy means something else.
I just don't want you to say something
like this about my son.
MOTHER: I mean, it's crazy to leave him like this.
FATHER: That's what they told us--
don't react, just let him get bored of his own jokes.
[door closes]
Please check on him, please.
[door opens]
Is he still out there?
SASHA: Mm-hmm.
- What do you think about Jeremy--how he's behaving?
SASHA: I don't know.
MOTHER: Why do you think he's like this?
- I don't know, Mom.
FATHER: How did it go?
MOTHER: Why is your hair wet?
- We played in the sprinkler.
[phone ringing]
Um, yeah, we've seen him.
Yeah, he's just acting out.
No. No, I appreciate it.
[chuckles]
Um, yeah, yeah.
No, I'm--I'm with you. Yes, yeah.
MOTHER: Who was that?
FATHER: Jason, from across the street.
[sighs] He wanted to let us know
that our son is dead on the front step.
- I told him we are aware and not to worry.
He will come back to life soon.
[chuckles]
- Hmm.
[birds chirping]
[cereal rattles in bowl, liquid pouring]
HENRY: I woke up at 6:47.
FELIX: Same, around maybe 7:00.
Did you know that in the ocean--
you know a fun fact about dolphins?
Want to know a fun fact?
Sometimes dolphins will find a puffer fish and gang up on it
and bite onto it and then toss it around
like a football just to get high.
It's true.
[dishes clattering]
HENRY: Stop it.
- I don't want to watch you eat.
Boys, do you know where's your swimsuit?
HENRY: I don't have one.
MOTHER: Okay, then you should wear these underwears,
so no one will notice anyways.
FELIX: Yeah.
- [speaking Hungarian]
[door closes]
[thumping]
[thumping continues]
MOTHER: Sasha, come.
Let's go.
Bye.
[door closes]
[thumping continues]
[ball bouncing, thumping continues]
Jeremy.
Come.
Jeremy.
Jeremy!
Jeremy, come!
Come with me now.
[car door closes]
Seat belts on.
[engine turning over]
[ball bouncing]
- You can't do it. It's too heavy, dude.
It's, like, 50 pounds.
[child straining]
HENRY: There's not a lot. FELIX: Let me see.
HENRY: Like, four.
FELIX: Oh, there's a decently big one right here.
Oh, he lost an arm.
SASHA: Aw, put him back! Put him back!
[waves crashing]
[seagulls crying]
[children chattering happily]
[children cheering]
SASHA: Don't.
[rock splashing]
[indistinct chatter]
[seagulls crying]
[insects chirping]
- Did he take the money I gave you?
Hmm?
HENRY: No.
MOTHER: Come on, let's go to the car.
[thunder rumbling softly]
[Sasha sighs]
[children chattering indistinctly]
SASHA: Where's Jeremy?
FELIX: Where's Mom? Where's Jeremy?
There's Mom.
[thunder rumbling]
[car door opens, beeping]
[engine turning over]
CHILDREN: 704, 705, 706,
707, 708, 709...
710, 711, 712,
713, 714, 715.
[vehicles passing by]
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
MOTHER: Come. Come now.
♪ ♪
[car seat rattling] Stop it.
Do you want me to crash?
♪ ♪
[sighs]
- [slurps]
♪ ♪
- ♪ My friend ♪
♪ Don't just sit there and ruminate ♪
♪ With your navel to contemplate ♪
♪ It's a beautiful day outside ♪
♪ Time's passing you by ♪
♪ ♪
FELIX: Ah!
HENRY: Here, Let me try.
Ah, damn.
FELIX: It didn't even land over there.
[gentle music]
HENRY: Oh, that was so close.
[indistinct chatter]
FELIX: Yeah, sure.
Just don't sell me the sausages.
[keys clacking]
♪ ♪
- Dad, where's Mom?
FATHER: She's at her appointment.
- What kind of appointment?
♪ ♪
Dad, what kind of appointment?
- Come, draw something for me.
Ta-da.
Sit.
- Yay.
Ooh.
What's this do?
- Try. [mouse clicking]
- [gasps] Wow.
- That's nice.
- Now, I need to--
FATHER: That one.
It's going to be Miss Mousey.
SASHA: Yeah.
FATHER: I know.
SASHA: Ooh, that's big. FATHER: That's one ear.
Can move it back.
SASHA: Oh. Wait, wait, I'll do the bucket.
FATHER: Pull some way just a little.
SASHA: Oh, no!
HENRY: Yeah, and then this, you have to do it, like, slowly.
And can you take this?
A boat.
FELIX: Yeah.
There we go.
Yeah, dude.
HENRY: Hey, mine has water.
FELIX: Hey, blue boat is still alive.
HENRY: And so are mine.
FELIX: Looking kind of rough, though.
HENRY: Yeah.
Look at this.
FELIX: You want one?
- No.
HENRY: You wish.
[classical music]
♪ ♪
[indistinct chatter]
[laughter]
[camera shutter clicks, film whirs]
♪ ♪
FATHER: Just try to find nice shapes.
And focus on the arrangements, okay?
Mm-hmm.
Nice so far, nice.
Lesson number one, never do that.
Henry.
Time, now.
♪ ♪
SASHA: Who is that?
HENRY: Wow. FELIX: Me.
FATHER: Time is going backwards.
It's a time warp.
FELIX: Yeah.
HENRY: It's awesome.
SASHA: That's really cool. Wow.
FATHER: You spot instantly
during this-- [knocking]
Jeremy, can you put it in the fixer, please?
[footsteps approaching]
How did it go? - Hmm?
FATHER: How did it go?
- What do you mean?
It was terrible, but what is this?
What are you doing?
You're not working.
Where is--where are the children?
- I was showing them something in the darkroom.
It seems like you don't really see
that we are in a crisis somehow.
FATHER: So...
Badly, I guess. [Mother sighs]
Did they have any advice this time?
[Mother scoffs]
- You can listen to this whole thing.
- He let you record it?
[button clicks]
PSYCHIATRIST (ON TAPE): It's difficult.
You're correct, yes.
It's not clear entirely
what's causing this disruptive behavior,
even after meeting with him several times.
MOTHER (ON TAPE): Can you say what he was telling you or no?
PSYCHIATRIST (ON TAPE): No, I can't tell you that.
But I can tell you my professional opinion.
MOTHER (ON TAPE): You mean a diagnosis?
PSYCHIATRIST (ON TAPE): I know that's
what you're after,
but a diagnosis is not always as helpful as you might think.
MOTHER (ON TAPE): You don't have one?
PSYCHIATRIST (ON TAPE): [scoffs]
While areas of weakness have been identified
in his learning abilities,
they do not alone seem sufficient enough
to account for the level of social difficulty,
the relationship issues,
the adaptive-living issues you reported to me.
As far as a diagnosis is concerned,
I would really only feel confident
in suggesting that Jeremy has signs
of what we would call oppositional defiant disorder.
MOTHER (ON TAPE): What is this?
PSYCHIATRIST (ON TAPE): It's what it sounds like--
PSYCHIATRIST (ON TAPE): That somewhere along the line,
he decided that he's the boss.
And you just have to show him, and I mean really show him,
that that's not the case.
You are the boss. [Father snorts]
[button clicks]
FATHER: Sasha. You're too old for this now.
And too big.
- Aw, but I can't sleep.
MOTHER: Oh, you.
[TV switching on]
MAN (ON TV): I'll slide this off.
It's so flavorful.
WOMAN (ON TV): Look at that, folks. That is--
- We are having now, um, a girls' night.
- Well, am I kicked out? - Uh-huh.
Sasha, Miss Mousey, and me, we're sleeping here.
You can sleep in her bed.
FATHER: Ay, ay, ay.
SASHA: Bye. - Good night.
FATHER: Night, night.
HOST (ON TV): I'm going to take the spit rod.
And you forget about it.
WOMAN (ON TV): You just set it and then forget it.
WOMAN 2 (ON TV): You just set it and forget it.
WOMAN 3 (ON TV): Set it and forget about it.
MAN (ON TV): You set it and forget it.
AUDIENCE (ON TV): Set it and forget it.
[Father shushing]
[indistinct chatter on TV]
EMMA: Oh, no. Can I run through it?
[squealing]
SASHA: Let's keep it going. It's going so fast.
Guys, look how fast it's going!
[children shouting happily]
Wait, she's gonna pick it up and pop it this time.
Emma!
Drop it! Okay, okay, okay.
[children scream happily]
Pick it up. EMMA: Pick it up.
CHILDREN: Three, two--
[all screaming happily]
EMMA: Everyone try to get me. SASHA: Okay.
EMMA: Not yet, not yet!
Now, now.
[children screaming happily]
[vehicle approaching]
[vehicle door opens, closes]
FATHER: Can you hold this for me?
[vehicle door opens, closes]
[knock on door]
[footsteps approaching, door opens]
POLICE OFFICER: Ma'am, is this your son?
He gave us this address.
MOTHER: Yes.
POLICE OFFICER: Your son was caught shoplifting.
We apprehended him in the parking lot.
MOTHER: Okay. Can--you-- can you take off these--these--
POLICE OFFICER: He'll need to appear in court.
- Man, talk to me!
What's happening?
[objects clatter]
Are you out of your mind?
Calm down. Stop it.
Talk to me. Hey. Talk to me.
JEREMY: Get away from me!
FATHER: Stop it. Calm down.
Calm down.
Calm.
[mouse clicking]
[King Crimson's "I Talk to the Wind" plays]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Said the straight man ♪
♪ To the late man ♪
♪ Where have you been? ♪
♪ I've been here, and I've been there ♪
♪ And I've been in between ♪
♪ I talk to the wind ♪
♪ My words are all carried away ♪
- Can I try? - Yeah.
- ♪ I talk to the wind ♪
♪ The wind does not hear ♪
♪ The wind cannot hear ♪
♪ I'm on the outside looking inside ♪
SASHA: Whoa. MOTHER: Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And...
we are putting it here.
SASHA: Like this? MOTHER: Yeah. Like...
Yes.
SASHA: Can Emma come over for dinner?
MOTHER: Um...
I don't know. I-I...
I think it's not a good idea.
So I'm really very, very happy that you are making friends,
and you can go
to their houses anytime.
But, um...
I-I don't want you to feel embarrassed...
because what is happening here, you know?
SASHA: I'm not embarrassed.
MOTHER: But you don't know what people are saying.
So it--you know, it feels natural for you,
but it shouldn't.
SASHA: What do you mean?
MOTHER: If Jeremy is coming home by the police,
then people are talking about it.
You know?
You--Yes, I think it's-- it's--it's better like this--
believe me--
to keep it separate, you know?
[sizzling]
[footsteps thudding overhead]
[door opens, slams]
- Jeremy!
- [sniffs]
[roof creaks]
MOTHER: Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
FATHER: Devil got into you?
Out of your mind?
Hey, stop this now, okay?
Come down.
MOTHER: Jeremy, can you hear me?
Please, get down, please.
FATHER: Jeremy.
MOTHER: Jeremy...
look at me.
Look at me, please.
Jeremy.
Get down, please.
[distant siren wailing]
[glass shatters]
[gasps]
[distant dogs barking]
[door opens]
Jeremy...
what have you done?
[Jeremy breathing shakily]
[Mother shushing]
MEAN GIRL 1 (ON TV): Oh, there she is.
She's such a loser.
MEAN GIRL 2 (ON TV): I know.
What a geek.
[laughter]
Get lost!
WOMAN (ON TV): Words hurt. Don't be a part of it.
NARRATOR (ON TV): The North American house hippo
is found throughout Canada and Eastern United States.
House hippos are very timid creatures,
and they're rarely seen.
But they would defend their territory if provoked.
They come out at night to search for food, water,
materials for their nests.
The favorite foods of the house hippo
are chips, raisins,
and the crumbs from peanut butter on toast.
They build their nests in bedroom closets,
using lost mittens, dryer lint,
and bits of string.
The nests have to be very soft and warm.
House hippos sleep about 16 hours a day.
WOMAN (ON TV): That looked really real.
But you knew it couldn't be true, didn't you?
That's why it's good to think
about what you're watching on TV
and ask questions, kind of like you just did.
A message from Concerned Children's Advertisers.
[door opens] - Hi.
FATHER: Hello. - I'm from Social Services.
We had scheduled a house visit.
- Yes. - Thank you.
FATHER: This way, please.
FAMILY SUPPORT WORKER: I wanted to come by
and see how things are with Jeremy.
MOTHER: Oh, we have moved so many times.
And I always worry
what the neighbors are thinking of us,
that maybe we are bad parents.
The thing is that now in the last couple of days,
there were some, uh...
some moments were not that easy
with him again.
[trampoline creaking]
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
[creaking continues]
[somber music]
♪ ♪
- She suggested...
Um...
to, um...
She takes him away.
And...
and I...
I said yes.
♪ ♪
I just--I said yes.
♪ ♪
MOTHER (ON PHONE): It is like some big ping-pong.
The doctor says to talk to the psychologist.
The psychologist says, you need to call the police
when he's acting like this, but the police do nothing.
ADULT SASHA: Mm-hmm. I know.
MOTHER (ON PHONE): I-I just can't get over this.
ADULT SASHA: Uh, I don't think anyone expects you to.
It's a very complicated situation.
And I think, you know, you know that.
MOTHER (ON PHONE): [sighs] I just worry
that if someone else had him...
Maybe--you know, maybe it was me.
It's my fault.
That maybe with someone else, he could be a superstar.
[clacking]
- How are you all? How are your days?
Nice to meet you.
Thank you for meeting me.
Hi. Nice to meet you.
Hi. Come right in.
Hi. Nice to meet you.
Hi.
Hi. Hi.
Nice to meet you.
[clears throat] Hi.
SOCIAL WORKER: Hi. SOCIAL WORKER 2: Hello.
ADULT SASHA: How's everybody doing?
SOCIAL WORKER: Good.
- As you can tell, you're on camera.
And I'm a filmmaker,
here to present you with a case file.
There is an eldest child who's presenting issues
within the family, some risk-taking behaviors,
and was assessed, treated, evaluated
over the course of many years.
The family sort of rightfully felt some frustrations
in--in their availability to care.
And so I would love to get a sense
of how you see this case and assess it
and see how those options are different now,
how the case might be handled differently now.
SOCIAL WORKER: How old was the--
how old was the child when he first started
experiencing some of these things?
ADULT SASHA: Um, I would say there was an observation
of, um, sort of behavioral concerns
at, like, three or four.
But 14, 15 years was really around the time
things started escalating. - Right.
ADULT SASHA: I have some information here about--
that give some insight into his goals.
- Sure. ADULT SASHA: Uh...
I'll just read it to you here.
He describes the best time of his life as,
"can't think of one."
He says the best thing that could happen to him
would be to be rich and famous.
He feels the worst time of his life was,
"when I got caught stealing twice in a row."
He feels the worst thing that could happen to him
would be to, "be like a junkie, to have a life I don't like."
He describes his three wishes as,
"to have something to travel through time in the universe,
to have lots of money, and be old enough to drive."
There are suggestions of personality disorder.
And then there's sort of a back-tracking of that.
So--so...
there's a lot of confusion, I find, in the document itself
about how to assess his well-being,
his sense of himself,
his sense of himself when talking
to different professionals.
Um, but this is what we have of how he felt.
Uh, I'm curious how that changes anybody's perspective.
- The report talks a lot about requiring considerable support.
Um, and I know that this is, you know, 20 years ago.
I wonder what sort of support was available
for this young person.
Now, I think us as social workers, we see that--
fast-forward 20 years, there's still not a lot of support
out there to help transition these folks from crises
to stabilization
and--and going down a path that's going to be, uh,
helpful and--and goal-oriented.
And so I can't imagine what it looked like 20 years ago.
SOCIAL WORKER: I mean, the piece that I read
about around having a little bit of respite,
I think, sounds important,
provided that it's qualified with it not being punitive.
I think that's really important.
If this young man--he's the eldest, you're saying,
just so I'm clear in terms of the family history?
ADULT SASHA: Yes. - He's the eldest.
And he is the result
of the mother's relationship with another man.
And the younger three children are the mother's relationship
with a different biological father?
ADULT SASHA: Yes, that's correct.
- So as the eldest--
And given what I'm hearing here,
this whole family is in crisis.
They're feeling, I'm sure, at their wits' end,
um, and probably holding two things--
wanting to get their son help
and protect their other children.
- Right, so the suggestion would be to sort of, uh,
ask the family to implement more of a structure
to involve and provide.
SOCIAL WORKER 2: With support, you know?
ADULT SASHA: Yeah.
- Because they're not necessarily feeling good
about him.
So how does-- how do we change that
and using things he's interested in?
ADULT SASHA: Yeah.
- And so sometimes, voluntary placements
can be a good intervention
and then looking towards reunifying the family,
and doing that work to help reunify the family.
And sometimes it could, yeah, create these voids
and vacuums and more problems, right?
And often, um, it's hard to see
what the outcome's gonna be.
And the initial decision is just made on--
is more made on, okay, the here and now,
what's happening intersectionally,
in terms of, like, risk and--and danger
and best interest of the child, whatever that means.
And so, um-- so it's hard to predict.
And I've seen it, in the instances
that I have been involved with,
go quite well and not go so well.
It's just hard to say.
- Hmm.
[solemn music]
♪ ♪
SOCIAL WORKER (ON LAPTOP): Simple, straight-up assurance
is such a strong currency,
just providing that reassurance
to--to the parents that, okay, you're feeling
a vortex of things right now, and it's okay.
Similar to what we're training the parents
to teach the child--
it's okay that you're feeling those things
without feeling these things.
And this is why you're feeling them.
And you have every right to feel these things.
And I think even just that currency of reassurance
can just maybe--just maybe help them take that breather
and try again, try again tomorrow.
[audio warbling]
♪ ♪
MOTHER: She suggested...
Um, to...
Um...
[wind gusting]
♪ ♪
WOMAN (ON TV): I'm getting married, Walter,
and I'm also getting as far away
from the newspaper business as I can get.
MAN (ON TV): What?
WOMAN (ON TV): I am through.
MAN (ON TV): You can get mad all you want to, Hildy,
but you can't quit the newspaper business.
WOMAN (ON TV): Oh, why not? MAN (ON TV): I know you.
I know what quitting would mean to you.
WOMAN (ON TV): And what would it mean?
MAN (ON TV): It would kill you.
WOMAN (ON TV): You can't sell me that, Walter Burns.
MAN (ON TV): Who says I can't? You're a newspaperman.
WOMAN (ON TV): That's why I'm quitting.
I want to go someplace where I can be a woman.
MAN (ON TV): You mean be a traitor.
WOMAN (ON TV): A traitor to what?
MAN (ON TV): A traitor to journalism.
You're a journalist, Hildy. WOMAN (ON TV): A journalist?
Now, what does that mean?
Peeking through keyholes? Chasing after fire engines?
Waking people up in the middle of the night
to ask them if Hitler's going to start another war?
ADULT SASHA: Hecky?
Ready?
Yeah.
I've been working on, um, a project
that looks back at my time with my family
and that period of time in my life.
And, um...
I thought of you because you, in many ways,
are the key to those memories.
And I'm just so grateful to talk to you about it.
It's funny because I remember these...
more feelings, these moments of chaos.
And then I remember moments that, you know,
were not so disruptive, um...
not so--not so dramatic.
And I remember Jeremy being
you know, as sweet as he was unpredictable.
So it's very hard to--
to square some of my memories sometimes of that time.
BONNIE (ON LAPTOP): You know, he...
he certainly was struggling.
And, you know, that was, I think,
why your parents reached out for as much help as they did,
because he just--he really-- yeah, I don't--
I just--you know, your mom, in particular,
just didn't know what to do or where to get the help for him.
ADULT SASHA: Yeah. BONNIE (ON LAPTOP): Such a--
I really had a lot of respect for your parents
and everything that they were trying to do
to raise you and your brothers.
ADULT SASHA: Mm.
BONNIE (ON LAPTOP): In many families,
they hit a breaking point, and it becomes unsafe
not just for that person
that is going to move into a home--a foster home,
but it becomes unsafe for the other people in the home,
and it's a very difficult decision.
So... ADULT SASHA: Yeah.
BONNIE (ON LAPTOP): He had some pretty unique behaviors,
and they were really upsetting for your mom.
She was always very worried about...
you know, where that would lead,
and disappointed in the services and support
and answers that she got.
She didn't get answers that really made sense
or that were supportive. ADULT SASHA: Yeah.
BONNIE (ON LAPTOP): He didn't have a lot of friends.
And when he would come out of his room,
he just had the ability
to just take whatever was happening in the room
and just upset it and spin it.
And, you know,
he demanded a lot of attention in that moment.
And so I do remember
that he would have gasoline in his room.
He just would have it-- not very much,
but he would have some in his room.
And I remember your mom being so scared,
because he had made this threat that he was going
to burn the house down with everybody in it.
I can't even imagine, as your parents, being in the house,
you know, knowing that that threat has been made
and there are things in place
that could make it happen in a split second.
You know, that's something I always wondered,
you know, is maybe why he didn't get a diagnosis.
But we'll never know.
We'll never know, you know, the truth, I don't think.
It's really hard to sort of sort that through.
Um...
but he...
The character that I saw, the person that I saw
certainly demonstrated or looked like someone
who was really suffering,
who was really struggling, who was really...
alone and isolated and...
invested in...
yeah, invested in the chaos,
really invested in the chaos.
I hope someday to be able to, you know, be
in the presence of your parents again.
They're both very strong people.
They're very resilient, you know?
And I have a lot of respect for them, for sure.
So I hope someday that I cross paths with them, too.
- [crying]
[breathes deeply]
[exhales deeply]
[door opens]
[engine turning over]
[soft classical music playing on car stereo]
♪ ♪
[music growing louder]
♪ ♪
[child speaking indistinctly]
[boat engine rumbling]
♪ ♪
[music stops]
[phone beeps]
[children chattering indistinctly]
[woman speaking indistinctly]
- Hello. - Hi.
Uh...
- You're from social services, yes?
- Yes, sorry, that's right. It's nice to meet you.
FATHER: This way, please.
ADULT SASHA: Do you mind if I look around first?
FATHER: Yeah, that's fine.
Miss Mousey.
ADULT SASHA: Mm.
ELMER FUDD (ON TV): [chuckles]
First we will hear a waltz written by Johann Strauss.
[boing]
[chuckles] And as we hear the "whythmic stwains"
of the haunting "wefwain,"
"wisten" to the whistling "whythm" of the woodwinds
as it "wolls awound and awound"
and comes out here.
[boing]
[fabric ripping, Elmer Fudd chuckles]
[waltz playing on tv]
♪ ♪
[Adult Sasha sniffling]
[child giggles]
♪ ♪
[door opens, closes]
[Gandharvas' "The First Day of Spring"]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Come on out ♪
♪ Don't just sit there catatonic ♪
♪ I'm feeling supersonic ♪
♪ The warm wind is sweeping by ♪
♪ The sun's full in the sky ♪
♪ And there's no way of knowing ♪
♪ No way to know ♪
ADULT SASHA: Can I turn this light on?
FATHER: Yes, it's okay now.
[switch clicks]
ADULT SASHA: Hi. MOTHER: Hi.
ADULT SASHA: It's nice to meet you.
MOTHER: Nice to meet you, too. FATHER: Please, have a seat.
ADULT SASHA: Thank you.
Hi.
MOTHER: Hi, hello.
ADULT SASHA: Um...
how are you both doing?
MOTHER: Yeah...
we are fine, thanks.
ADULT SASHA: How are things with Jeremy?
MOTHER: You can talk, too, you know?
- Yes, I will.
But, please, you start.
- Um...
[sighs]
It feels like...
somehow, I'm cursed.
He's...
so troubled.
We tried everything... [inhales deeply]
Mm, therapy...
special school, homeschooling.
It didn't work.
He doesn't want to listen to anybody.
Not us, not any adult
could ever control him.
Mm...
he was six years old
when one day something happened with his eyes.
You can tell this, no?
- We were playing catch with a ball,
just back and forth and...
When, suddenly, he could not catch it anymore.
I would throw it for him, and...
his hands would cross the air in front of him.
But he just could not see the ball anymore.
It was something very strange,
but his eyes just suddenly went crossed.
It was very bizarre, and...
and I think it scared him.
It scared us, too, of course. - Yeah.
So I don't know. [inhales deeply]
This is one of the unlucky things that comes to my mind.
Mm, he had to get these big glasses
with such a very young age.
And I think because of this
and from his accent at the beginning...
mm, the kids at the school were not nice to him.
ADULT SASHA: You mean he was picked on?
- Yes.
ADULT SASHA: Did he talk to either of you about this?
- Mm, he...
He doesn't care
about what others saying about him.
He never cared about...
making friends.
He just--
he likes to be the clown...
to everyone.
He was always like this.
ADULT SASHA: And how is he with his siblings?
- Mm, sometimes he's really nasty with them,
but sometimes he's--he's very sweet.
Mm.
ADULT SASHA: Why do you think he's like this?
[Father sighs]
- He's uncontrollable, completely.
He's doing really big and risky things.
And he can hurt himself or...
others.
And he doesn't care if he's getting caught.
So one day,
he stole a bicycle from a yard.
And he came home totally beaten up,
and his face was blue.
I don't know what he was thinking.
And he told me it was just for fun.
I don't know what--
What is he thinking?
And...
and he's stealing from us.
- We can't keep any money where he can find it.
He takes whatever he sees.
Sometimes he's taking things from the house
and brings them to the pawn shop just to get a few dollars.
He would even steal from his siblings.
- Yeah, he thinks that he's...
some kind of gangster guy.
He tried to sell fake drugs to some boys on the street
at 14 years old.
I...
So we can't...
we can't tell him anything.
He doesn't listen to us.
Grounding, rules--nothing.
ADULT SASHA: Is it true that he once threatened
to burn the house down?
- Yeah, I know he hates me.
- What should we do now?
That's what we need to know, yeah?
What are we supposed to do?
ADULT SASHA: From what I understand,
the best option would be something
called voluntary placement.
MOTHER: Voluntary placement, what does it mean, exactly?
ADULT SASHA: It means he would be placed
with a foster family, essentially.
FATHER: Uh, I'm sorry.
T-this is a very hard thing for us to hear.
I-I'm sure you understand, we are trying so hard
for--for so many years with Jeremy.
[Mother speaking Hungarian]
MOTHER: I need some water.
ADULT SASHA: I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to upset her.
- It's okay. Uh...
We're just both so exhausted from all of this.
And we feel like there is no good options left.
[cup thuds on table]
- Have you ever heard...
about a family like this?
How come... [Father sighs]
Nobody has to give their children away?
Just alcohol addicts
or people are beating their children.
I don't understand why.
ADULT SASHA: I wish I had a better answer.
FATHER: What if we try this, just for a little while?
Maybe if he goes away, he can do better.
And then he comes home.
MOTHER: Could we see him still?
- [sniffles]
[sniffles]
You will see him again.
You will try many, many times to keep him at home.
You will do everything in your power to help him.
[sniffles] It will consume you entirely.
You won't give up.
But you will get tired as the years go on and on.
[sniffles]
He will go to foster care,
but it will be a temporary solution.
You will doubt yourself as a parent...
and, at times, your life.
You will begin to close yourself from the world.
[sniffles]
No one will understand.
And it will only worsen.
He, himself, will have no explanation...
[sniffles] Other than he cannot manage.
You will beg for change and solutions.
He will grow into an adult... [sniffles]
And the help he needs, he will not get.
It won't get better.
Countless professionals
will come in and out of your life.
But it won't change. [sniffles]
Despite what you know of him and yourself...
you will lose him.
[sniffles]
[door opens] [waltz playing on tv]
SOCIAL WORKER: This does not have to be
a permanent solution.
It could also be a temporary one as well.
MOTHER: To--to send him...
to a-a totally stranger family...
Do you think that--
[ambient music]
♪ ♪
ADULT SASHA: Did you have a friend named Elijah?
JEREMY: Mm-hmm.
ADULT SASHA: How come I don't remember that?
JEREMY: I think there's a lot you don't remember.
- "Dear Sasha...
I grew up with your brother Jeremy."
"We were never really close,
"but he was one of the most memorable of my friends
from school."
"In grade ten, we were suspended together
"for stealing from lockers.
"That's a long story, but...
Jeremy wasn't really involved."
"Even though I took the blame, Jeremy still got in trouble.
And I felt pretty bad about that."
"He invited me over to hang out one time,
"and he showed me his maps of towns and cities.
They remain some of the most unique art I've seen."
"I would sometimes see him out
with people who were not very good influences."
"I was really unsure how to help."
"I began seeing less and less of him."
"After high school, I didn't see much of him,
but I would think of him often."
"Recently, I tried to look him up on Facebook
but couldn't find anything."
"But I came across you...
and your films."
"That's where I learned about his passing."
"I am so very sorry for your loss."
"I saw in your film what you said
"about being angry at Jeremy...
and your regrets about that now."
"I also have a brother who I've been angry with
for most of my life."
"I just wanted to share my memories of your brother
"and that I always knew him as a special soul
who had a kind heart."
[seagulls crying]
[distant boat horn blowing]
[Daniel Johnston's "Some Things Last a Long Time"]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Your picture ♪
♪ Is still ♪
♪ On my wall ♪
♪ The colors ♪
♪ Are bright ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Bright ♪
♪ As ever ♪
♪ The red is strong ♪
♪ The blue is pure ♪
♪ Some things last ♪
♪ A long time ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Some things last ♪
♪ A long time ♪
♪ ♪