♪♪
[projector whirring]
[man] Salsa.
♪♪
It was like something from another planet.
The music, the passion, the rhythm.
Once I put those shoes on,
I never wanted to take them off.
It was like I had fire in my heels.
I was an unstoppable salsa machine,
trophy after trophy after trophy.
All overseen by my mentor, Ron Parfait.
Great coach, hard *******.
Most people think you dance with your feet.
Bollocks, you dance with you heart.
You dance with el corazón.
And Bruce, Bruce has got a heart like a bison
and balls like an elephant.
And by my side, my sister and dance partner, Sam.
[both] Thunder, thunder, thunder.
ThunderCats, ho!
[cheers and applause]
[man] Ten!
We travelled the circuit:
Berkshire, Buckinghamshire, Bedfordshire.
We won it all,
every title going except one, The Nationals.
Cuban heels, silk shirts,
1,000 hand-sewn sequins.
I was ready to take on the world.
But sometimes salsa just throws you out for a spin.
Hey, wanker, nice shirt.
[boy] Hey!
Come here!
[panting]
I don't know where I was when I fell in love with salsa.
But I know exactly where I was when it stopped.
[boy] Who do you think you are?
Barry Manilow?
[man] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Nationals.
I never turned up that night.
I just phoned him and told him, "Salsa's for ********."
And I guess that fire in my heels...
it just went out.
[sighing]
[man on TV] ... where the oldest biological molecules were found.
And talking of ancient specimens,
the granddad of the group...
[clicking tongue]
Mmm.
Oh, yeah.
Mmm.
♪♪
Whoo!
[man] GFD Engineering,
Western Europe's premiere supplier
of high-end manufacturing
and five-star industrial machinery.
Bike!
Why do we have to do this every morning?
It's not a bike.
Well, not now it's not,
but I just watched you transform it in the monitor.
Look, I'll admit, for a while outside it was a bike.
But now...
biff-buff-boof,
voilà, it's a piece of luggage.
Bike!
****ing hell.
Bonita, buenos días.
Bruce-o.
No, oh, no.
What have you-- what have you gone for here?
This what you're wearing today?Yeah, cycling wear.
You just looked in your wardrobe and thought,
"I think I'll just look like
a Maxi Babybel today," was that it?
Have you shaved?No.
Just lift your head.
Some jam on your stubble.
Don't do that--Just do that.
Don't do that in front of him.
It's a big day, big day, man.
Got the new boss starting this morning.
I hear he's a ball buster.
Well, I hear, apparently, he is a she.
You mean like a tranny?
No.No.
A woman.Oh, a woman?
What kind of a woman wants to run a company
that specializes in heavy industrial machinery?
I think I know.
[chuckling] Big, hairy...
A beast!She's a lump.
[laughing]
Might be perfect for you.
Hmm.
Anyway, listen, this bike's not's gonna park itself.
All right, well, I'll see you up there, okay.
Don't be late.
Don't want my team to be late,
it's unprofessional, isn't it, bum flap?
There they are, Mork and Mindy.
♪♪
[phone ringing]
Helen.
[phone ringing]
Can you not hear?
Hello, Bruce Garrett. [man] Hello, Bruce.
Do you like scary films? What?
I'm doing "Scream," you totally bought it. Oh, hi, Drew.
They're going to unleash the beast, Bruce.
[woman] Who wouldn't swap the crystal blue waters of the Pacific
for the endless silted mud flats
of Old Father Thames, am I right?
[scattered laughing]
Uh, and hopefully, I can prove to you
that I'm a better sales manager than I am a public speaker.
[all chuckling]
I bet she's got the bag to go with them shoes.
Hmm?Her.
United States of *****-face, little Miss I'm So American.
[chuckling]
Okay, I'm gonna stop talking now.
Let's all have a drink.
Here, here.
[applause]
Hey.
You were right, you know, she is a woman.
And what a woman.
Wow-wow-whee-wah.
I would make a splash inside that
like a milk truck hitting a wall.
Listen, can we not--
can we not talk ejaculate at the buffet table?
Look at her, though.
Look at my little Dairy Queen, huh?
Okay...Oh, you see?
You had a little look, too.
Oh, some tzatziki.Ah, that's cute.
No, it is, it's adorable, Bruce,
that's all right, you can look.
But don't touch 'cause that would be
embarrassing, wouldn't it?
Just leave it to the experts.Sure.
[Drew]Oh...
Work time is over, s.
Oh, I think we know what that means.
That means-- oh, oh--
it's party time, that's right.
Who wants to come and play with the dancing bear?
This one, this one loves a little bear time.
Oh, God.Come on, little fawn.
Come on, come on, come on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, there it is.
You got a little bit of rhythm going on there.
That's it.
I'm so sorry, I just...
See, what are you worried about?
Moves like a gem.
Oh, yeah.Why are you like--
As she does the spin.[laughing]
That was good, you see?
Oh, what about this one?
Little silent but deadly in the corner.Stop it.
You gonna come dancing with me, Brucie?
Show me a little something-something.
Don't.What?
I don't dance.
Everybody's dancing.
I don't dance, I don't like it.
All right, make yourself useful.
Oh-oh, ho-ho-ho-ho!
Come on.
Oh, the line broke.
'Cause it was a big fish.
What time is it?
It's Cossack time.
♪♪
Hey, Bruce.
[laughing]
Oh, he liked it!
Whoa!Whoa.
Wow, I am so sorry.Sorry.
I'm sorry.
Got tangled here, let me try and get this--
Oh, ow!Ow.
Again, I'm sorry, are you all right?
Where am I, am I in England?
No, I'm fine, just... fine.
Maybe we should get these untangled?
Bruce Garrett?
Bruce Garrett, that's me, and...
Julio Matthews?
They-- they printed it wrong.
But I like it so I'm gonna keep it.
Yeah, no, you-- you should, I think it suits you.
There's a Latin flavor to it.
[chuckling]
Oh...
I just want you to know, I wasn't-- I wasn't--
I wasn't trying to escape your party.
Oh, me neither.
I mean, why would anybody wanna leave
that amazing party?
Shall we?Yeah.
Well, what a pickle.
A 3-D jigsaw.
Thank you.
Nice to meet you, Bruce.
Likewise, Julio.
Mmm.
Do you know what I like best about this place?
What, apart from the free glacé cherries?
Apart from the free glacé cherries.
The fact that they still insist upon my little sister
dressing up like a Tongan concubine.Oh, they don't insist.
And I prefer Polynesian call girl.
Mm-hmm.
So talk me through headbutting your new boss.
Well, actually, she might've headbutted me,
but our lanyards tangled,
there was a struggle, you know?
Our heads went forward, there was a clash, voilà.
Hmm, sounds like she made quite an impression.
No, no, not this again.Oh, come on, Bruce.
You haven't even mentioned a girl since, what,
the early '90s?
Stand down, Samantha, please, she is not of my world.
Oh, what world is that?
The world of not even trying?
Yeah, indeed, the planet
"She's beautiful, way out of my league and also my boss,"
so knock it on your head.Oh, that well-known place.
Is that right next to "precious comfort zone"?
A place you've never even stepped out of ever?
[scoffing]
All I'm saying is, if you really like something,
you've gotta put yourself out there.
You've gotta reach out and grab it.
The cherries are not that delicious.
I'm not talking about cherries, Bruce.
♪♪
[horn honking]
I would not like to be those tires.
Ouch!Yeah, ha-ha.
Yeah, very amusing.
It comes fitted with an 80-mil, three-jaw self-centering chuck,
to a size eight-mil max.
I mean, you'd never need any more.
Hey, hello.
This is, uh...
Oh, sorry, everybody, let me introduce you
to the brains of the operation,
our head of department, Miss Julia Matthews.
That's-- I'm sorry.
Keep going, I was just gonna sit in.
It's nice to have you with us.
[chuckling]
You done?Yeah.
Any questions?What's the capacity?
Uh, capacity.Ahh...
It's 250 mil between the centers.
You really know your stuff.Thank you, thank you.
I-- I love lathes.
Oh, while I remember,
we can also provide, um,
promo videos... isn't that right, Bruce?
Hmm.
I think we've got one of those on this computer.
Right here, if my memory services me correctly.
Let me have a look?
Yeah, I think I saw the one for the DML vertical lathe
on here somewhere the other day.No, I--
Wait, there it is, hold on.
Is it?Yes, this is a really good example
of the videos we can give you.
Hello, with a "meionite" frame and mil for maximum rigidity,
it offers perfect "giblet" flushing each and every time.
The Haas ST-30 turning lathe.
It offers precision grinding over the full vertical stroke.
[whispering] You know, this is what I think of when
I'm trying not to ejaculate too quickly.
The Haas ST-30 turning lathe.
♪♪
[birds chirping]
Okay, green fees paid.
Let's play the game of golf game.
Please help me.Are you still banging on about those balls?
Oh, yes, just this one's gonna fly further,
but this one's gonna give me more control around the green.
All right, well, when we finish with the high-brow chit-chat,
can we move on, please, to the weekly roundup?Yes, yes.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, totals for the week.
Dates with a lady?
Nope.Nil.
Mobile numbers acquired?
Nil.I got a number.
It was a zero.
Erotic encounters?
Nilli-Vanilli.
Now, listen to this.
Last Sunday at Tom's christening,
I grazed past horny Auntie Jean's side boob.Ooh!
Does it count?Adjudicator?
Umm-mmm...It's a nil.
I thought I'd throw it in.
And finally, have you had any contact with a member
of the opposite *** where money did not exchange hands
and she looks at you for more than eight seconds
and she was not your mum or an arresting officer?
Nope.
Bruce?[chuckling]
Hmm? What? No, "obvs."
Here "endeths" the weekly roundup.
♪♪
Wait up for me!
Get it in the hole!
[both] Oh!
Aah.Cheers to you, to you.
Thank you very much.
Oh, shit.What is it?
Oh, shit, nothing, don't look, please don't look.What's wrong?
What you doing, what is it?
Don't look, please, please don't look.
Who is it?Hmm?
Just someone from work, it's a-- it's a--
it's a girl I work with.
[man] Oh my God, she's nice.
[whispering] No, no, stop it.
Hey!Oh, I would...
Turn around, will ya?
If I was physically able.You are not disa--
[clearing throat]
You're not disabled, Gary, you're married.
Go on, then.
Have a go.
Did you see her, though? She's beautiful.
She's like a ten, I'm a two.
That's an eight-point swing.
It's like a butterfly going out with a parsnip.
What?Yeah, well, you know.
All right, I'm not saying it's gonna be easy.
You have to work it, that's like that, um,
that machine you're on about at the British Aerospace?
The PL-5 cylindrical grinder.
Thank you.Yeah.
I should say hello.
No, don't-- no, go up there and say something like...
"Hi."
Hmm.
Ooh-hoo-hoo.
Whoo-hoo, what's up, mate?
Bruce?Yeah?
Grind it.
Don't do that, don't be daft.
[door creaking]
[music blaring in the distance]
♪♪
Salsa.
Why did it have to be salsa?
Eat them!
Eat them, pig boy.
Eat the sequins.
Eat them, eat them!
[boy] Who do you think you are, Barry Manilow?
Hey, Rick, have you seen my sister?
She's over there.
Sam, Sam, Sam, sorry.
Excuse us a second.I need you.
She is of my world.
Who is?Julia, my boss.
You stepped out of your comfort zone.
I was at the pub.
She came in.
I followed her.
And she was salsa dancing.
Are you shitting me?
Oh my God, she was doing the sweetest little basic.
I just wanted to rush in and gather her into my arms
and-- and-- and just dance, you know?
I haven't--
I have not felt like that since...
Sequin-gate.Since Sequin-gate.
[sighing]
You know that box has been closed a long, long time.I know.
It happened and it was bad.
What-- what did you say?
Bad?
Sam, they ripped all the sequins off of my shirt,
and they stuffed them in my mouth.
Yeah?
And then they made me eat them.
The big boys made me gobble them, yeah?
Just gobbling.
All the little sequins.
Gobbling, the big BMX boys.
Know the story, Bruce.Gobbling them.
Not tonight, though.
Listen, look, maybe this is
your chance to rewrite history.
Let it go.
What-- what are you thinking about?
These are ****ing hot, in large quantities.
Here.Thank you.
****ing hell, what is-- what is that?
Vodka.
Why would you give me neat vodka?
Now listen, maybe this is your way in.
You know how all girls love a man who can dance.
You coulddance.
If you really like this girl,
salsa your way in.
I did have fire in my heels, didn't I?
Oh, feet of flames.
Can I get it back again, though?
Easily.
How easily?
See how I do this shot?
That easily.
That was easy.Mmm.
Can have one?One?
Mm-hmm.
Salsa.Yeah.
♪♪
Cheers.
Uh-huh.
Salsa.
And the winner is...
Bruce Garrett.
♪♪
Is this wrong?
"Be My Valentine."
Big old Ginger Glevin's head.
Mirrors.
I need me some mirrors.
[grunting]
Ooh. [chuckling]
Heavy!
[grunting]
Ahh!
[clock ticking]
[alarm buzzing]
[groaning]
What?
[chuckling]
Hmm.
[sighing]
[siren blaring in the distance]
♪♪
Hmm.
[tires screeching]
[door creaking]
[music playing in the distance]
Can I have a Diet Coke
and a packet of Scampi Fries, please?
Well, you could if I wasn't closing.
All right, Ron.
Garrett.
What the hell happened to you?
You look like shit.Charming, thanks, that's very nice.
Have you got a customer complaints department
here at, uh, El Corazón?
Oh, hang on, I'll get a form for you.
So... how you been?
Everything all right, you good?
It looks nice... in here.
Okay, I think that is us all caught up, then.
What do you want from me, Garrett?Nothing.
Just... passing.
Wondering if you're still teaching.
Oh, okay.
'Cause I'm looking for a lesson.
You taking the piss?
No, no, just-- just one lesson.
Blow off the cobwebs, what do you reckon--
I reckon salsa's for ********, isn't that what you said?
Did I?Oh, yeah.
You did.I don't really remember that.
I guess-- I was just a kid.
What are you now?[clearing throat]
[quivering] I'm a man.
Oh, you think so, do you?
Certain.
[exhaling]
It's hot in here, isn't it?
We'll see.
Tomorrow night, 7:00 p.m. sharp.
Five quid on the door
and I wanna see you in 1-1/4 inch heels.Brilliant.
Great, all right, thank you, Ron.
Mr. Parfait.Thank you, Mr. Parfait.
Hey, where are we on the Scampi Fries?Piss off!
I'll see you tomorrow.
♪♪
[exhaling]
Come here, my babies.
Come to Daddy.
Oh, there you are.
[cell phone ringing]
One, thank you.
Rubber sole.
Old school.
A shitload of kudos to you, my friend.
Personally, as a person, I love the suede sole.
I'm a suede head.
People they say, "No, you have to be rubber sole."
I'm like, "No, I love the suede,
I love the suede, I love the suede."
Don't you love the suede?
I tell you what, take a look at this, okay.
If you see here, you can see where my sole is--
Come on, gather around, come on.
See what kind of a sole you are, ***-sole.
Hey, don't...
How are you today, guys?
Spread out a little bit, make sure you can see me.
Everybody okay, yeah?
Oh, we got a new student with us tonight.
Welcome to El Corazón.
What's your name?
It's fine, don't worry about names,
I'm just-- I'm passing through, so...
Sure, no problem.Thank you.
Let's pick up where we left off yesterday, okay?
Basic step everyone, ready and...
one, ,two, three, five, six, seven.[laughing]
Sorry...Yes.
I think I'm in the wrong class.Right.
Where's Mr. Parfait?
He's in his office, okay?Okay.
All right, let's carry on then.
Ready and, one, two--What's he, um...
Sorry.Yes?
What's he doing in there?I don't know.
Fine, all right, I'm sorry, crack on, crack on.That's all right.
We will, thank you.Do your basics.
Thank you very much.♪♪
Here we go, ready and, one, two, three...
[knocking]
[Bruce] Hello?
Hey.
You're not teaching me?
I said I ran a class, I didn't say I taught one.
Ron, please.
It's baby stuff out there.
Just one quick freshener.
Oh, I see.
Okay.
Hmm-hmm.
That'd be one private lesson.
How much do you want?
40 for now?
That's what you think?
You think I sit back here waiting for someone
to come in and open their wallet?
Yeah, what are you waiting for?
Alicia!
Hello.
This is Bruce Garrett.
Take him out for a quick spin.No.
Road-test him.
Alicia teaches our advanced class.
2007 world champion, dances cabaret style.
Ah, yes, yes.
You do know... cabaret style, yeah?
Sorry, do I--
You ask if I know cabaret style?
[women whispering]
Gracias.
Do you wanna get warm?
You should.
You look quite warm as it is.
♪♪
I hear about you.
Ah!
The boy with fire in his heels.
Well, that was a long time ago.
Ahh...
You're in my yard now, hmm?
All right.
Will you...Yah!
"Oohmba."
♪♪
Ooh!
Ow!
Aah!
Please!
Stop it!
Ooh...
Welcome back.
[whimpering]
That's lesson one, son.
[panting]
Thank you.
[door creaking]
Have you seen what she's wearing today?
Who?
Big boss, there.
She's got a little green number on.
Isn't that nice?Yeah.
She's trying to tell me something,
you know what I mean?
She's trying to tell me something.
[chuckling]
I'm gonna leave a stink on her that she will never get off.
I'm gonna be on her like bonfire smell,
you know what I mean?
She's gonna be in the shower, changing her clothes.
And she's gonna be like,
"OMG, I can still smell him."
That's right, Julia, get used to it.
I'm in your pores.
You're disgusting.
[laughing]
I think it's so cute when you've got a little crush.
Yeah.A little crush, he gets so disgusted.
Listen, women like that use guys like you
to get advice about men like me.
Ooh...
It's empty.
♪♪
[music distorting]
Are you kidding me?
[screaming][tires screeching]
Oh, God.[groaning]
Oh my God, oh my God, oh God!
Oh my God, are you okay?!Yeah.
Somebody call an ambulance!
No, I'm fine.
Don't move, don't move, don't move.
Don't move, don't move.
In for two, out for two, slow down.
Was there pastry in this bag?
Yeah, I had an iced bun.
I was driving, and then all of a sudden,
my tape thing wasn't working, then bang![groaning]
All of a sudden, you were on the hood of my car.
I thought I killed you.I know, listen, don't worry, I'm fine.
Okay.
Okay, you're okay?Yeah.
I'm okay.Yeah, we're okay.
You're alive.
I mean, I hit you with my car.
The least I could do is give you a ride home.
Don't worry about it.
I mean, it's only a little car, isn't it?
Oh my God, are you gonna sue me?
Oh, no!
No, gosh, no, good Lord, I'd never sue.
You know, we're not--
as a society, we're not really big suers,
you know, we don't-- we don't do it.
God, you're rambling, are you okay?
Yeah, no.Are you sure?
No, I'm fine.Okay, what's my name?
Do you remember my name? Julio.
[giggling]
[clearing throat]
Oh, there's the-- the culprit.
Ahh...The cassette of death.
La cassette de morte.[chuckling]
Ahh... Tito Puente, Willie Colón, Ray Barretto.
Yeah, let's just put that somewhere else far, far away.
It's, uh...
I salsa.
Okay, I'm into salsa.
In fact, I was on my way to salsa class
which is why I was willing to kill a man
to get there so that's how much I like salsa.
[exhaling]
All right, so you've entered total shock.
Are you in a state of shock now?
I salsa.
[chuckling]
[laughing]
Right, sure you do.
Wow, now I'm really worried about you.
Are you okay?
Hey, did Helen tell you about the bowling?
'Cause we're gonna do this whole bowling bonding thing
if you wanna-- if you wanna come.
Uh, um, yeah, yeah, definitely, definitely.
I like bowling.
I was born to bowl.
Born to bowl.
Wow, that's a big statement.
[chuckling]
♪♪
One, two, and...
One, two, three, five, six, seven.
Let's try that one more time.
Ready, and, one, two--
Oh, you.
Whatever your name is.
My name is Bruce Garrett
and I'm here to learn salsa.
Well, very nice to meet you, Bruce.
We're just walking through some basics.
Ready and...
one, two, three, to the side,
six, seven.
Forward and turn back and shimmy.
One more time.
And one, two, three, five, six, seven.
Forward and turn.
Back and shimmy.
Nice one, Bruce.[chuckling]
Let's try that again.
Ready and five, six, seven, go.
Turn.
Shimmy.
One more time.
♪♪
And thank you.
Well done, everyone.
Muy bien.
See you next week.
Thank you very much, guys, thank you.
Whoo.
[sighing]
Love this.Hey.
I just wanted to say sorry for being rude to you.
There's--Yes, you were.
You were very rude to me.
You were kind of a pig to me, actually.Yeah.
A rude pig.
I'm kidding with you-- God!
My name is Bejan, nice to meet you.
I'm Bruce.Bruce, hi.
Bejan is actually my middle name.
My full name is Aliso Bejan Asgharzaudeh.
Wow, what a mouthful, isn't it?
Yes.
Bejan means "hero."Ah, that's nice.
What does Bruce mean?
Ah, well-- Bruce, I think it comes from the old Saxon
meaning, um, "bush" or "hedge."
Hmm.
We're all hitting the club if you wanna...
Oh, right.
Boteco, it's hot shit.
The dance floor, fully programmable
LED star on black glass.
Wow, semi-sprung?Yes, please.
It'd be like dancing on a glass pillow.Glass pillow.
[chuckling]
You wanna come? Take my number.
Oh, I don't know.
You don't wanna take my number.
Not your number, it's just--
You don't have to take my number if you don't want it.
I can walk in the other direction.
There's plenty of other people I can speak to.No, no.
I'm sure one of them want my number.I didn't mean that.
I'm ****ing with you again!
Get a sense of humor, for God's sake.
Wait there.
I'm gonna give you my direct number, okay?Okay.
You call me on this any time
between 5:30 and quarter to 6:00.
That's a.m.
I'm a morning person.
Thank you.
[Bruce] Tracked down Ron Parfait.
Oh my God, what's he like?
Exactly the same.
Just a horrible, grumpy old *******.
[laughing]
Holy shit, Bruce, this is huge.
Is this for her? [mockingly] Is this for her?
Yes, it's for her.
I'm thinking about asking her to maybe dance with me.
That sounds good.
So what happens next?
I'm just gonna ask her.Wrong.
No, no, no, you don't go straight in with
a big romantic gesture until you've done the groundwork.All right.
She's like a blank wall, Bruce.
First you have to apply the primer,
then the undercoat,
and then you go in with the emulsion.What kind of wall?
It might not need primer.I'm serious, Bruce.
You can't go and ask her out until
you've down the undercoat.
♪♪
[pins clattering]
Fantastic, that's just tremendous.
Hey, Bruce.Hey.
Oh, hey, man, you look nice.
But you know what?
I'm already, uh, sorted with a phone plan.
[chuckling]
Bruce, you need your shoes,
otherwise you're gonna miss out on this frame, all right?
Good luck.
All right, here we go.
[Drew] Phone shop.
Oh.
Here comes the dirty thunder.
Oh, the Gaelic gale.
[Julia] Yup.
I hit seven, I think.
Move over.
Oh.
Never mind.
Amazing.
Can I just give you a little--
little bit of constructive feedback.
Yeah, please do.
Oh!
Well, uh, I've noticed a little flaw in your game.
Okay, listen, I think I knew what you're gonna say.
This probably is about me
continually rolling the balls
into the recessed gutters, isn't it?
Yes, it is.Yeah.
I think-- I think it's
the only weakness in my game, you know?
It is-- it is the only weakness
but, uh, it's a pretty major one.
Yes, it's a biggie.
So let's deal with it.
Here, I'll show you, come on.
[Drew] Oh!
Chunga-wonga-bunga!Nice.
See that?
So you put your fingers in the holes...
No, no, no, no, no, no, no innuendo, okay.
The first rule of bowling is there's holes
and there's balls and we're all adults.
We just have to get over it.
That's bowling.Yup.
Hold your ball like a baby.
Throw it like a rocket.Yup.
Hold it like a baby, throw it like a rocket.Okay.
Yeah?Yeah.
Hold it like a baby.Mm-hmm.
And I throw it like a rocket.
I hold it like a baby.
And then I throw it like a rocket.
Hold it like a baby, and then I throw it like a--
[chuckling][laughing]
Sorry.
I'm calling social services.
You're calling social services?
Why, has he been within 100 meters of a school?
Ha!
You're up, Jules.
Oh.
Go on, Julio.
If that is your name.
Listen, you just focus on your baby-rocket, big shot.
Yeah.
All right, let's do this.
Come on, baby ball.
I just need one strike.
[Drew] Oh, wow.
Did you see the pants on that guy over there?
♪♪
Here we go.
Did you end up keeping the shoes
or you gave them back or...
No, no, I gave them back.
I know, they really suited you.
[chuckling]
Uh, do you mind if I just put my seat back?
Oh, there's not--
Yeah, it's just I've got such long legs.
Oh, that's better.
Bruce, we'll drop you off first.
All that exercise, you must be exhausted.
[dog barking in the distance]
Bye, Bruce.See you later, Brucie.
Loving the pad.
♪♪
[Bejan] Bruce!
Bruce!Hey, shut up.
My God, you know, I thought it was number four,
and then I thought, no, it's number 14.
And then I thought the number 40,
and then I went to 14,
and then I went to 40 but there isn't a 40.
Wow, I'll get the glasses.
No, no, no, it's not a wedding.
You drink from the bottle.
Um...Um-hmm, um-hmm.
Thank you.
Salamati.Ah, salamati.
Mm-hmm.
Mmm...
Ugh, it's flat.
It's not flat, it's distilled.
Distilled Fanta.They don't do distill Fanta.
They don't do distill Fanta, I have to make my own.
You just open the bottle, put it on the balcony.
Two days later, boom, shake the room, yes, please.
Ha!Mmm.
You ready?Ah.
You wanna go? Let's go.
You're going like this?
Yeah, I mean, what...
what's the matter with this?
Well...
Everything.
What are these?
Shirts.Polyester mix?
I'm thinking 50% polyester,
20% crimping, 5% bouclé, yes?
Sure.It's bullshit.
Silk, smart, casual, breathable.
Yes, please.
Cotton, soaks up the sweat like a sponge.
Vest up, my friend.
Linen, flyweight for quicker movement.
Show of those turns.
Synthetic, less friction meets zero blisters.
Unless you like blisters, do you like blister?
Who likes blister?
Pilgrims.Exactly.
[doorbell ringing]
Who is that? Can you hold that a second?
What's going on?
You're not taking my calls.
Just busy, I've been busy at work.
Three words: The Velvet *****cat.
Now?Yeah, come on.
Get changed.It's a Tuesday night.
Yeah, exactly.
Bruce, do you have any idea how hard I've worked
to get Amanda to take up a hobby?
I've been masterminding Project Pilates
for six months.
Why do you think that is?
It's two whole hours of freedom,
8:30 to 10:30 once a week.
What do you think I'm gonna do with that time?
Just sit indoors, wanking?
I can do that when she's at home.
I'm just-- I'm-- I'm bushed, you know.
I'm just gonna have a bath and hit the hay.
A bath?
Oh, that's nice-- will it have nice little bubbles
in it, will it?[Bejan] Who's he talking to?
Hey, what, who's this?
Hi.
My name is Bejan, I'm pleased to meet you.
It's a mate from work.Mate?
Oh my God, I'm honored.All right.
It's a big, big moment for me.
[chuckling]
Well, I'll leave you to your bath.
We weren't having a group, we weren't gonna do group.
He was gonna go and I was gonna have a bath-- please, don't.
Don't!Don't worry, it's fine.
I'll, uh, I'll go by myself.
I'll give you a call later, yeah?Yeah.
Bye, Gary!
He's cute.
Two more things.
Your hairy chest and a tan.
No, no, no.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.No, no, no.
Bruce, what year is this?
Did we just go back in time?
Did we step out of the DeLorean?
Are we in 1985?
Is this Hill Valley?
Think, McFly, think!
Sorry...
So take this...
and take this.
What?
You got ten minutes.
Run for it, Marty!
♪♪
Oh...
Wow, it's so deep.
It's so natural.
[clearing throat]
How do you feel?
Thank you.
And on the seventh day,
the Almighty turned to His followers and said,
[speaking foreign language]
What does that mean?
Let's salsa!
♪♪
Oh, look.
Look.
That is fun.
Oh my God, they make me feel sick.
Salsa aerobics?
It is not salsa, it is a cancer.
Go back to religious center, you *****es!
If I had a grenade right now.
Shut up.I was just saying--
A Middle Eastern man talking about
having a grenade in a packed nightclub?
You'll start a bloody stampede.
I'm saying, if I had a grenade.
Of course, I don't have a grenade.No, shush...
Another Fanta.Let's have another Fanta.
♪♪
Hi, guys.Hey!Hey!
So who's dancing?
Oh, yes, please.
Bruce?
No, I'm gonna sit this one out.I don't think so.
Come on, let's go.Oh, please
Hey, you all right?
Off, off, off.
What?
Get off this ****ing dance floor
with your shitty dancing.
I am doing the steps.
Doing the steps?
Any prick can do the st-- that prick can do the steps.
Where is the ****ing heart?
Where's el corazón?
I don't know.What's that?
I don't know.You don't know.
You don't know, well, in that case,
why don't you piss off back to the bar,
grab yourself a pint of beer and watch,
like all the other ****ing losers.
Don't--
[Bruce] Scrub it off of me.
Scrub this tan.
[grunting]
Big news, ball bag.
What?Shift.
When you were at home last night
making love to your hand,
guess who went disco dancing
with the ***ually frustrated lady boss?
Who?
Me, I did.
I got that.
Oh my God, she can move.
And the sweat dripping off of her.
It was like a waterfall of babies tears.
Poetic.
I think we all know where this is headed.
Inside of her.
You know what I mean?Yeah.
Why are you telling me all this?
Oh, don't be a virgin.
I know you made a play for her.No, I didn't.
A mix tape.
You ****ing John Cusack now?
You took it.
I didn't want you to be embarrassed.
She'd laugh in your face.
I made it for her car.Aww...
Just give me--Your big arms are too slow.
[Julia] Hey, guys.Hey, Jules.
Hi.How's it going?
Really good, really good.
Last night was fun, right?
So much fun.Yeah, it was good.
I mean, Helen was obviously trying to hustle us all, but...
A good night, it was a good night.
How are your little footsies?
You know what? Pretty sore.
I'll bet they are.
We, uh, stopped off at a club on the way home.
That's right.
I'm gonna go, I got lots to do.
See you later, Brucie.Bye, Bruce.
Drew! Oh!
Oh, shit, oh, shit.
You okay?
Yeah, just having a manicure.
This came, will you sign for it?Sure.
Can you, uh-- sorry.
[moaning]
Thank you, cheers.
Can I, um...
Ah, this is bad.
Help.
That was so fun.Yeah.
We should do it again.
Yeah, maybe.
What's, um, what's with the tape?
Oh, shoot.
You caught me.
It's for your car.
Oh my God.
You made an inlay?
Yes, I did.
Nobody makes inlays anymore.
Yeah, it's just a silly little touch
I thought you'd like.
That's really... that's really nice.
Now I feel like I have to get you something.
Oh, that would be so cute.
That's really nice, thank you.
How was your bubble bath?Ha-ha.
Was it rejuvenating?
That's classic, Gary, loved it.
Listen, I love the crack.
Yeah, one might say I'm addicted to the crack.
But right now, I just wanna get my head down
and plow my way through this bucket of balls.
All right? Yeah?
I think we got a new heading for our weekly roundup.
Unexplained homoerotic encounters
with rugged foreign males.
Mickey?Nil.
Me... nil.
Brucie?
Ah, **** the weekly roundup.
**** it.
Oh, dear, what's wrong with her?
Come on, Bruce, who was he?
What are you hiding from us?Nothing.
Aw, did the ***y sultan's rich bath milk
irritate your sensitive skin, did it?
Oh!**** off!
Hey, you all right, Gary-- Gary?
I'm sorry, you okay?
Yeah, fine, mate, yeah, forget about it.
Hey, hey, hey.
Don't go.
Yeah, this is the one.
The trusty ******* wedge.
Hey, hey, don't-- Gary, don't--
Stop it, stop, Gary-- oh!
Gary, Gary, don't--You keep running.
Gary!
Help me.Par three.
Ah!
I say par four!
I didn't mean to hit you, Gary.
Please.Keep running!
Oh!
Stop it!
Ah, hey!
I dance!
[Gary] Fore!
I dance, all right?!
Please stop hitting balls at me.
Oh-whee!
Salsa?
With the little shoes?
Yes.
Yes, salsa with the little shoes.
Why?
I was doing it for that girl.
What girl?
The-- the butterfly?
The eponymous butterfly from the tale
of the butterfly and the parsnip.
The parsnip, the butterfly.Oh.
What, you-- you thought the parsnip
would win the butterfly
by doing a bit of tiny shoe shuffle.
Yes, I know it's stupid, isn't it?
And then there's... Drew.
Do you remember Drew?Oh, yes.
The horse's ***.
Yeah, and he likes her, too.
He might be a horse's ***
but he's better at all this than I am, so...
I might just let him get on with it.
Yeah, but it's...
It's probably for the best.
Just-- just forget about her, aye?
[door creaking]
[sighing]
[Ron] He's back.
Jesus Christ, Ron.
You ****ing made me jump.
Who is she, Bruce?
Hmm?
The girl in the club the other night?
She's the one, hm?
Does it matter?
No, of course it doesn't matter.
That's why you got a face like a dropped skunk.
It's just stupid.
I wanted to make her fall in love with me.
Hmm, and then along comes this other fellow.
Tall, better looking, let's face it,
his **** couldn't be any smaller.
That's why you came back.
La donna, the woman.
Salsa, Ron.
It's always about a woman.Mm-hmm.
I just wanted to-- you to make me good enough for her.
Oh, why don't you just keep standing
in front of that mirror
and do what you did in the club the other night then?
Do me a favor and do that, would that?What?
Oh, come on, you know what you did, you felt it.
You want me to do it now?
Come on, it's just us girls, Brucie.
Don't want to.
Oh, he bottles it.
What a surprise.
Where are you going?Come on, we got work to do.
What kind of work?
We're gonna get shit-faced and play board games.
Eye piece for one eye.
Monocle.Mmm.
Sorry, why are we doing this again?
Sits on top of a Christmas tree.
A fairy.
No, a star.
That's time-- time, time, time.All right.
For you.
Go.Okay.
Okay, they ate this, much to God's annoyance,
in the Garden of Eden.
Apple.Apple is correct.
Oh, okay, he, um, he's an actor, he does films--
It's a purple one.Yeah, and?
Means you have to do an impression.
I'm not doing any impression.Well, you have to.
No.Do the impression, Bruce.
No, I can't--Just do the impression, Bruce.
No, I'm not doing an impression.
What are you so scared of?
I'm not.
Just do the impression, then.No, I'm doing the impr--
Why are you so afraid of what people might think of you?
Why can't you just put yourself out there?
I mean--So do the impression.
It's almost time.Do the impression.
I said, time.
Do the ****ing impression!
Why are you always shouting at me?
Because you ****ing quit on me.
I did not quit, I did not quit on you.
You had the world at your feet.
I did not quit on you.And you walked away, didn't you?
No, I didn't.Oh, yes, you did.
No, I did not.Then you keep swatting back in here
and swatting out again, swatting back in--
They broke me!
All right?!
If you wanna know, the night of the competition,
they broke me.
A gang of kids, bullies.
They just-- they ****ing, they broke out on me.
I didn't wanna do it any more.
So some big boys gave you a "shoeing."
You're a male dancer,
you think I never took any shit?Well...
So what are you gonna do about it, aye?
What, you're gonna hide away
or maybe crawl under your duvet
and watch "Bridget Jones" part two
with some white maltese?
Don't.
Then what?
Then what?!I don't know!
So do the ****ing impression!
Say hello to my little friend.Again.
Say helloto my little--Again!
[speaking with Cuban accent] Say hello to my little friend!
Al Pa-****ing-cino!Yes!
♪♪
So... shall we go and dance in front of the mirror?
Yeah.
Yes.
Nice time.
[Ron] Loosen up.
That's it, loosen up.
Roll those shoulders, roll them, roll them.
Roll 'em, roll 'em...
Arms of an eagle.
I said an eagle, not a ****ing heron.
It is an eagle.
Okay, try again.
Legs of a stallion.
Arms of an eagle.
[exhaling]
Go.
That's it, work it out, Brucie.
[Ron] Takes a lot of hard work to make it look that easy.
Mm...Ahh...
Think about it all the time.
Now I know you're all waiting for this particular model
but, as we say, better late than never.
[laughing]
All right, so...
One, two, three...
What is that?What?
That's a chicken...It's reggaeton.
[grunting]
[laughing]
Three, two, one...
[Gary] Oh!
You all right?Aah!
I'm so sorry, someone's coming.
Oh, oh, room for a small one?
I have a question for you.
Well, I love questions.
So you like Latin music, huh?
The mix tape?Oh, right, the mix-- yes.
Oh, I, um, a Latinoboy, big time, I am.
Music wise.
Thanks for listening to that.
It was a real labor of love for me.
That track at the end of side one... oh.
Oh, shoot, that's the-- that's my favorite track.
Isn't is just so, uh...
It's so..."Trackie" and, uh...
It's the best song that you could put
at the end of side one on a mix tape.Yeah.
Yeah.Like that.
You know what's weird is whenever
I listen to that track,
I like to imagine myself just lying in front of a log fire,
just with a glass of tequila,
chewing on a chimichanga, you know?
[elevator dinging]
Oh, hey, that pitch that you and Bruce did.
You guys aced it-- bam-- sold.
Shut the front door, you're kidding?
Stop that train, no, I'm not.
[laughing]
We should, uh, get together and celebrate.
Yes, we should.
My place.Yes.
Takeout?Yes.
Invite Bruce and Helen.
Yeah.
We should absolutely do that.
[elevator dinging]
Cool, so you'll tell them?
Yeah, of course.Great.
I'll totes tell 'em.
You can totally trust me to do that.
It's not a problem.
[singing]
Hey.
What are you hiding?Nothing.
What are you hiding?
Behold.
Santo Vito.
Yeah, what, it's just another salsa night, so what?
So what?
Look at it, squashy chops!
It's a competition.
Sorry.
Don't you see?
This is your time, Bruce.
This is the Goonie time.
Do you know about the Goonie time?
Yeah, of course, I know about the Goonie time.
My watch runs on Goonie time.
So then you know that it's their time up there.
But it's our time down here.
You can do this, Bruce.
You can win this "mother funky"
and you can show the world what you're really made of.
Think about it, what have we got to lose?
Yeah, I mean, I suppose I could.
Bruce, we Persians have a saying.
[speaking foreign language]
I don't-- I don't really speak--
If you wanna do something, do it.
If you don't wanna do it, don't do it.
[cell phone beeping]
I'm gonna be late for my ball wax.
I'll call you later?Yeah, sure.
Bye.
I can still see you there.
See you!
See you later.
Hello, one, two, three, four, five, yes.
You win.
Finally, finally.
And you know what you get for first prize, you lucky prick?
Prefer to think--
You get one of these.There it is.
And...
Two of these.
♪♪
Oh, I just thought you might...
want an old pair of shitty shoes from the '80s.
One careful owner.
Thanks, Ron.
You're not gonna try and finger me now, are you?
Do you want me to try and finger you?
You're ready.
You are free.
I'm gonna ask her to this thing tomorrow night,
and I would be honored if you would come and watch us.
Aah, I'll have to check my diary.
Thank you.
Look at 'em.
They're so soft.Hmm...
[sighing]
Don't-- don't do that.[coughing]
♪♪
[exhaling]
Hmm.
She's not at work today.
[Sam] Fine, so do it tomorrow.
No, I can't, it is tonight, all right.
I have to do it tonight.
Yeah, no, in that case, you are a tiny bit ****ed. Sam, please.
Just help me, I really need you to help me.
Okay, do exactly as I say, and do not deviate.
You go home, you shower, you shave,
you put on something nice.
I'm thinking powder blue-- shirt, not trousers.
Do not put on powder blue trousers.
Then you get a taxi to her house--
someone will know where she lives.
Then you knock on her door,
then you knock her off her feet
with your proper suggestion of a night out.
She immediately says yes.
Then you whisk her off to the club.
You dance the competition, you win the competition.
We all get shit-faced and then we all go home, got it?
[chuckling]
Thanks, Sam.
Oh, God, I'm good.
when we seal the deal for the first time, you know?
With the *** Muzak, set the mood.
Don't be jealous, big lad.
I'm sure she'll still have room in her life
for a fat best friend.
You don't know about me.
[zipper zipping]
What don't I know?
I dance.
I'm sorry, I thought you said that, "I dance."
Yeah, I did, I dance salsa.
[laughing]
You dance salsa?
Yeah, salsa.
[laughing]
I would ****ing love to see that.
Maybe you will.
Maybe I'll dance you under the table.
What sort of table?
Any sort of table.
[elevator dinging]
All right, bum flap, let's settle this like men.
Winner takes Julia.
What about HR?
What happens at lunch stays at lunch.
♪♪
Ahh!
[grunting]
Ahh!
Your wrists are limp.
Ooh!Your **** is limp.
[horn honking]
Oh, sorry.
You learn fast.
I learn from the best.
Julia.
Sweet, sweet, "rest your balls on my chin" Julia.
Did you just lick my *****?
Yeah, and you tasted like a nasty girl.
That's disgusting.
Wanker!
I'm wearing the wrong shoes for this shit.
What the...[Bruce] Ooh-whee!
Where are you?
Thought you liked banter.
Oh, **** off, Bruce, **** off.
[Bruce whistling]
Ooh.What the--
Big mistake.
That's Jessie the lezzy from accounts car.
Quick step for such mushy thighs.
[groaning]
Do you like that?
Weird.
No, don't lead me.Like a lady.
This is wrong, you know it's wrong.
Like a lady.
I am a man, I am a fully grown man.
Then prove it.
What is that?
That's my phone.No, no!
[groaning]
Ahh, me blades!
Oh!
Ahh!
Whoo!
Like I said, any sort of table.
Fine, you win.
I can't do this every ****ing lunch.
Doesn't mean that she's gonna pick you, Bruce.
She wouldn't pick you over me, that's just bad math.
She's a clever girl.
You're probably right.
You're quite good looking.
You got lovely long legs.Yeah.
Nice car.Great car.
But there's something missing.
I've got something that you don't have.
Do you know what it is?Type 2 diabetes.
Heart.
Corazón... you know?
I am Bruce Garrett.
And I am ****ing salsa.
Get up, bum flap.
How can you take something so seriously
that's named after a dip?
♪♪
[exhaling]
♪♪
Oh, nice shirt.
Oh, thank you.Come in.
No, no, wait, wait, please.
I dance.
I dance salsa.
And there is this club called Santo Vito--
Bruce.One minute, please.
I can hardly breathe, I'm so nerve--
I think I'm hyperventilating.
I feel like I can see flies.
I-- I don't--
Wait, let me cut to the chase, all right?
If you're not doing anything tonight,
I would love to take you--
Of course.Bruce?
What's wrong, Bruce?Of course, it's...
What do you mean?
Bruce, come back, Bruce.
Where are you go--
Oh my-- oh my God, what-- what are you doing?
Oh my God.
Just get up and just get out, please.
What?Just get out.
Wait.
Is this banter?I can't believe that you just dropped trou
and propositioned your boss.
Did you really just do that?
It was an act of boldness.
Wait, did you not tell Bruce about tonight or Helen?
All right, this conversation is definitely over.
Just, please take your
little Italian shoes and your pudding
and just get-- get out.
Can I just say, I think that you are making a big mistake.
I'm gonna have you transferred to plastic moldings on Monday.
Oh, that's bullshit, that's just a bad managerial--
You know what, FYI?
I didn't make that shitty mix tape.
Oh.
[knocking][Drew] I'm sorry, Julia.
I said some things which may now seem foolish.
Okay, I'm gonna-- I'm gonna be honest.
My granny died.
I swear to God, Drew,
if you're still there in 15 seconds,
I'm gonna take your pudding
and shove it right up your ***.
Bruce.
♪♪
[crowd cheering]
[man] Welcome tonight to Santo Vito Salsa Spectacular.
Let's go!
[cheers and applause]
♪♪
We're about an hour away from the main competition event.
Do you like it?
It's not really my thing.
How do you know you don't like it unless you try it?
A lot of things I haven't tried, mate.
I haven't tried incest
but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like it.
Incest and salsa, two very different things.
Trust me.
♪♪
Bruce, can you call me when you get this?
I just wanna know you're all right.
♪♪
He's not picking up.
He's probably just crying somewhere.
Somewhere quiet and dry.
That's what I would be doing.
I think I know where he is.
[sighing]
Can I borrow a racket?
Help yourself.
[sighing]
So how'd it go?
I'm wearing a silk shirt
studded with jet-black rhinestones,
driving balls out into the darkness.
How do you think it went?
So now what, you're gonna stop dancing?
I was only doing it for her.
Were you?
So, what, you're gonna give it all up again?
The only thing you're good at.
Literally, the only thing you've ever been good at
that wasn't shit and totally pointless.
Oh, okay, fine, here we go.
Just off the top of my head.
Quizzes, carving Sunday roasts.
The Rubik's Cube, the Rubik's Sphere,
the Rubik's Snake.
Flags of the world, driving abroad.
Famous dams,
identifying dogs by their silhouettes, you know?
African mummies.
I could go on.You're wasting your life.
What do you know?
You are 35 years old
and you are working as a hula girl.
Oh, sorry, no, hula woman, oh, uh.
**** off, Bruce.You **** off.
Good shot.Thanks.
You need to dance, Bruce.
You were lost, this is your chance to get back.
I don't have a partner.Yeah, you do.
You?
I still got it.
That's pretty good.Mm-hmm.
Remember the old routine?
Don't-- don't do that, don't you bloody dare.
Don't invoke it.
Thunder, Thunder, Thunder...Thunder, Thunder, Thunder...
ThunderCats, ho!ThunderCats, ho!
♪♪
[man] Yes, friends, give it up for guys and dames.
Salt and pepper, here come the hot stepper.
All right, all right?
Hey, Helen, thanks for coming.
**** me, you look great.
Where's Ron?
He was busy, I'm sorry.
[Bejan] Bruce, forget Ron.
You look so good you could be ****ing Bee Gee.
[man] Oh, yeah!
Look at these in the blanco!
Don't ruffle her feathers.
Shake it, one more time.
You have to go.
That's what I'm talking about.
Let's go to the next round!
Celebraremos, celebraremos,
celebraremos!
Can we please have the couples
to the dance floor for heat four?
[cheers and applause]
You ready?No.
No, me neither.
Come on, let's go.
Sorry.
♪♪
Hey!
Come on, Brucie!
[cheers and applause]
Happy?Yeah.
All right.
Big smile.
**** and teeth, darling.
Let's go!
Whoo!
♪♪
Holy shit!
Yes, holy shit.
[man] Look at this, it's feet of fury.
Hey, adios,my friend.
[cheers and applause]
Oh!
I'm sorry, you have to go.
You have to go.
That's her, you got to go.
They blew it...
We have our semi-finalists here!
Amazing!
Inspirational!
Okay, I want it back.
What?
Come on, where is it?Where's what?
What have you done with it?
Done with what?Where have you hidden it?
Is it in this pocket?Don't--
It's in this pocket.Don't, come on!
What have you done with it?What?
You took my breath away in there and I want it back.
Ha-ha, very funny.
Bruce, when I first met you,
you were like a sanganguey.
Hmm, sanganguey.
What does it mean, sanganguey?
It's like a large round stone with some shit on it.
But now...
... you have become of the age.
You are a man, Bruce.
Yeah.
Yeah, I suppose I am.
And now you have stolen my heart
as well as my breath.
Where do you keep hiding these things?!
I should get back out there.
Yes... yes, you should.
You go, Bruce.
Go and kill them all.
Man, woman and child!
I'm not gonna kill a child.
[chuckling]Okay.
Go!
[toilet flushing]
[sniffing]
Do you have a Tic Tac?
[man] Musica, maestro!
What about these guys?
What about these guys?!
♪♪
Bella!
No, no, no, no, get off!
I'm sorry, friends.
Now you go.
Hey!
You dig it?!
Here is fanning the flames of salsa.
Get off!
Come on, Bruce!
Double pleasure!
Oh, that's unexpected.
Wow!
You're in my yard now.
[laughing]
We have our finalists!
We have our finalists.
Oh, love you, Bruce.
Hey.
[man] Whoo, let's hear it, come on!
My best mate.
Wow.
Gary, whiskey, large.
You can win this, Bruce.
I don't have that much more left in me.
Fanta.Huh?
Drink it?No, I don't want...
Drink it.
Eye of the tiger, Bruce.
Eye of the tiger!
Ladies and gentlemen, the floor is yours.
♪♪
Wow.
Yeah, I'd thought I'd... make an effort.
Me and Drew wasn't anything...
That's-- that's not... anything.
Good.
I just-- I wanted to say thank you
for the mix tape.
It's no big deal.
Although, the inlay, that took ages.
Great inlay.
Excellent penmanship.
Thank you, yeah.Really.
Yeah, I used a very fine nib.
0.4 mil, it's tiny.
It's probably the work of a human hand.
So... I didn't have you down
as a salsa guy, no offense.
Right, yes.
I was a dancer when I was a kid.
And I loved it.
And then this shit thing happened to me,
and everything changed.
Until I met you.
And you inspired me.
So I learned to dance again.
I relearned all the old steps.
I tracked down my old teacher, Ron Parfait, who's just...
he's a horrible, horrible human being.
I shaved my chest.
I went to some amazing clubs.
I met some amazing people, and now...
finally, I feel like me again,
which is what I always wanted.
You know, to-- feel like myself.
You shaved your chest?Yeah, I shaved my chest.
And... ahem, it's very itchy.
All the time.
[man] Okay, kill the musica please, maestro.
Ladies and gentlemen, let's go.
The Santo Vito finals!
[cheers and applause]
I was wondering, perhaps you would--
Yes, I'll dance with you.
Hi.Hi.
Do you want me to lead?No, no, I'll be all right.
I was actually doing quite well until you turned up.
Probably be disqualified.
♪♪
[man] Yes, friends.
Oh, mi amigos.
This is the final, friends.
Let them feel you, let them feel you.
[cheers and applause]
Oh!
[cheers and applause]
Santo Vito, our winners!
I don't think we won.
Maybe next time.
Amazing!
[Ron] Scusi, Señor Garrett.
Permission to come onto your dance floor?
Granted, Mr. Parfait.
♪♪
Hey, good one.
♪♪