[guitar strings being tuned]
[flies buzzing]
[guitar strings being tuned]
Wait.
[guitar strings being tuned]
[guitar strumming]
[zapping]
Ow, my hand!
Sorry. There was a bug on you. I'm sorry.
Oh, my God!
I'm sorry. There was a bug.
Okay, so swat it with your hand. - Okay, okay.
Those things hurt!
I'm sorry.
[guitar strumming]
[zapping]
Ow!
I'm sorry! [laughs] There was another bug.
Just wipe it away with your hand!
There's going to be bugs. We're at the lake!
I think that they're attracted to the tuning.
You don't think that this is just where they are?
No, it's just that your guitar playing,
it sounds like shit.
What do you want to hear?
Play Pineway.
It's too early for that,
I'm saving it. - No, practice!
[guitar strums lightly]
Fine.
Thank you.
[guitar strumming]
[singing] Let's all go to Pineway.
Good times at Camp Pineway.
Through the trees, and to the lake,
songs we sing, and the friends we make.
Every morning that we...
[guitar strums]
Wake up,
Pineway is the best!
Yay!
We did it!
[laughing] [zapping]
Ow! I thought you were gonna kiss me.
[laughing]
I'm going to get more beers.
[guitar strumming]
♪
[guitar strumming]
♪
What happened to the music?
I zap your strumming hand too hard?
[screaming]
Oh, my ****ing God!
[screaming]
♪
Okay.
♪
[car engine roars]
♪
[crickets chirping]
[squelching]
[thud]
[squelching]
♪ Day After Day by Badfinger ♪
♪
♪ I remember finding out about you ♪
♪
♪ Every day, my mind is all around you ♪
♪
Hey!
[song playing on radio]
Are you okay?
I was cold.
[song playing on radio]
Can't help but feel this is about the internship.
Why? Do you want to do it? - No.
Because it's not too late for me to turn around.
Mom.
All you have to do is just call up the firm and explain your--
Mom!
It's a legitimate career opportunity.
So is this.
John and Kathy specifically asked me
to come back this year.
Oh, give me a break. This isn't anything.
You're 24 years old
and you're still going to summer camp.
I'm working at camp.
It's a job.
$100 a week is hardly employment.
Bumped me up to 115.
♪
♪ Bring it home, baby
♪ Make it so
♪ I give my love to you
♪
♪ Look at all my love
Welcome home.
[car horn honks]
I'm sorry I was harsh earlier.
It's just you got to start thinking about your future.
I am thinking about my future.
I mean, I have my whole life to be a lawyer, but...
How many summers does a guy get to spend here, huh?
A lot, apparently.
♪
Oh, shit.
♪
The puka's not dumb, right?
What? No, I love the puka.
Puka's great.
Puka's good?
Yeah, puka's great.
Right.
I mean, if you're feeling hesitant about it,
can I just wear one? - No, I'm gonna wear the puka.
Okay.
I just want to make a good first impression.
I mean, this summer is gonna be huge for us.
I feel like we said that last summer.
Yeah, but now we're counselors.
Do you have any idea how much more likely it is
that counselor chicks are gonna hook up with us?
A lot, hopefully?
Yes, exactly. A lot, hopefully.
I mean, at the very least, we're gonna hook up
with some older campers, right?
Women are attracted to power.
♪
[car horn honks]
[Bobby] Camp Pineway, you beautiful bitches!
Whoa!
Let's make this the best counselor weekend yet.
[cheering]
Am I right? ****!
Which way are we going?
[All] Pineway!
Which way we ****ing going?!
[All] Pineway!
Yes, man, yes!
[laughing]
I ****ing love your car.
Where's Demi?
[car alarm beeps]
Demi.
Hi, Jason.
What's up?
You need a hand?
Actually, that would be amazing, yeah.
We could...
Could you be careful with those?
Sorry, Demi.
Okay, see you.
It's great to see you, too.
It's just so good to be back.
You know what they always say?
You can't spell Pineway without "e-way."
What?
Because I can't stay e-way from this place.
Okay, cool.
Yeah, well, I'm really excited that you're back.
You too!
Bye bye.
Dammit. Ah, this door.
This pesky door.
Hey, guys, it's Deedee.
You guys have been asking for another tutorial,
so today I'm going to teach you how to do the perfect--
♪
[clapping]
Bravo!
Hey, Ezra.
[exhales]
Jason, I didn't think you were coming back this year.
Yeah, well, John and Kathy needed my help, so--
Actually, so do I.
We're doing a gritty reimagining of Pinocchio this year.
Very political.
And I think that you may be perfect
for the role of old man Geppetto.
No, I'm not, I'm not really much of an actor.
Oh, no, no, no, but you have a fascinating quality, Jason.
There's something deeply sad and broken about you.
I think it'll come across nicely on stage.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Now, auditions aren't for a couple of weeks,
but I just wanted to plant the seed.
And Jason!
This is not going to be the greatest theatrical production
in Pineway's history. Boop.
I guess the whole film is just like an allegory, you know,
for how traumatic experiences
just affect you in general.
I mean, shit, Shannon, I don't even know if you know this,
but I grew up with a mildly severe nut allergy.
Yeah, yeah, I think you might have mentioned that.
So, even though the character is a schizophrenic,
or a photographer, it's a...
It's a very personal story.
Yo, which way are we going?
Pineway.
I said, which way are we going?
My God, he did it.
What do you, what? When?
We're in the middle of something here, dude.
No, we aren't. Hi, Chris.
Hey, Shannon.
Okay, time out. I'm sorry.
It's 9:42. Arrival is supposed to be at 9:45.
I was going to be the one to do it.
Yeah, and I also wanted Shannon to read my screenplay,
but, like, it looks like we both can't get what we want.
****.
It's just a stupid chant anyway. Who cares?
I knew you should've let me drive.
Dale says you're a reckless driver.
**** Dale!
Whoa!
Dale's been a great stepfather to me and my mom.
Whatever.
Oh, Bobby. I'm, I'm sorry, man.
I didn't mean it to come out like that.
Your mom will find someone, man, I know it.
♪
[door rattling]
[Jason] Hey, stranger.
Holy shit! Hey!
Okay.
You having trouble?
Yeah, I think the handle's like jammed or something.
Bunk 9 is always a tricky one.
Yeah.
You just have to lift, jiggle, and then pull.
Yeah, I'm trying.
Jiggle.
Oh, almost. May I try?
Yeah.
Oh! Show off.
Yeah, you loosened it.
I like the beard.
Oh, thank you.
I was trying, trying something new.
Yeah.
Wait, why did you come back?
Well, John and Kathy needed extra help, so yeah.
I don't really see why it's such a big deal.
It's not a big deal.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I'm just surprised because last year
you said you weren't coming back.
Right, but--
And you were like crying.
I don't think I was crying.
You were definitely crying.
You were, like, sobbing.
You gave that "end of an era" speech.
Okay, but the point is, like, I'm back
and I'm better than ever.
So how are you? How, how have you been?
Good, pretty good.
I started seeing someone.
Ooh. Romance for Claire!
Right. - I love it.
Yeah, he broke my heart.
Oh, yikes. I'm sorry.
It's fine. It was, like, three weeks ago, so--
It's still fresh.
Yeah, I don't... Yeah, I guess.
Huh.
Yeah, I wasn't going to come back either,
but I thought it might be good to, like,
get away for a while.
Yeah, perfect place to clear your head,
get him out of your mind, erase him from your memory.
Totally. Yeah, right.
Why did you guys break up?
Oh, maybe we could talk about it some other time.
Oh, yeah, yeah. - It that's cool.
Totally, totally.
Maybe I'll catch you up on my love life.
But I hope you have a lot of time.
Just kidding.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah.
So have you seen John and Kathy?
[Claire] No.
Oh.
♪
[Claire] I'll see you later. - Yeah, see you soon.
♪
John and Kathy, where art thou?
♪
[knocking on window] - Hello, there!
Here's Jason!
♪
This is the best part. I'm just walking away now,
you know, he gave me a ticket or whatever the ****.
I turned around and I'm like,
"Officer, I forgot something.
I forgot to mention,
I'm a liar!" Bam!
360 kick to the face. This guy's like--
[Jason] Guys, guys!
There's been a robbery.
What?
So the four jacks all got together
and they decided to rob a bank.
No, no, no, no, no, no magic. Just keep--
But these-- - No magic, man.
Jacks did-- - Stop!
Fine, let's cut straight to the biz.
Kathy and John aren't here yet,
but they've asked me to take over the position
of camp leader.
That's not a real position.
[Jason] So anyways,
I know a few of you are first time counselors,
and campers arrive in a couple of days,
so you may be a little nervous,
but I'm a six year veteran myself,
and if there's anything that you need,
any questions that you have,
do not hesitate to ask. You are in very safe hands.
Capiche?
Molly? Yes. Thank you.
What's the vegan option for dinner tonight?
Oh, I meant more about being a counselor,
but um, yeah. Don't worry.
I can, I can grill a mean tofu burger.
Namaste. Thank you.
Very well.
So...
As you all know, phones go in the basket.
[all groaning]
[Jason] I know it seems like a bummer now,
but how refreshing is it to get a chance
to take a break from social media?
I mean, in this day and age--
Let's get ****ed up!
[all cheering]
Let's get effed up, but let's also remember,
the camp has very strict policies against partying.
So just no drinking, no smoking,
and most importantly,
no Game of Thrones spoilers.
[talking fading away]
[door slams]
[Claire] Are you coming?
[Jason humming]
♪
[arrow whooshing]
[Claire] Christ.
Yep. You don't win Pineway Champion Runner Up
four years in a row without slinging a few bows.
Oh, is that why you're back?
You want to finally win one?
No, no, no. What do you think I am?
I don't, I don't care about that kind of stuff.
[arrow whooshing]
Although,
I have to be this year's favorite, right?
I mean, I don't think I've ever heard of someone
winning runner up five years in a row.
No, I don't think anyone's come close.
Yeah.
Do you think it's a little bit suspicious
that John and Kathy aren't here yet?
Suspicious?
I mean,
they specifically asked me to come back,
and now they're not even here.
♪
I don't know, they'll be back in a couple of days.
Come on, Claire.
What?
♪
I think they're seeing if I can run the camp without them.
Why would they do that?
Well, they have to hire somebody new.
They can't spend every summer here, all summer.
I mean, they have lives outside of Pineway.
Yeah, what about you?
That's what I'm saying, I've got to be the most qualified
person for the job.
No, I mean, like, what about your life
outside of Pineway?
Oh.
Yeah, I don't know.
I, it was just a thought.
[Demi] So drunk I could not hold it up.
Okay.
Do you think you could help me with my, like, form or whatever?
[Jason] I would love to. Totally.
Okay.
Here, take aim again, and...
Just...
Try not to think of it as a pull back.
Try to think of it as a push forward.
[Jason] Push forward.
[Jason] And...
Let go!
[arrow whooshing]
♪ Yeah ♪
♪
♪ Yeah
♪
Hey.
What's up?
Is Chris seeing anyone?
I'm actually pretty busy right now, so--
How is this busy?
Hey, Demi.
Whoa.
Is that your car, Bobby?
Yep.
[Shannon] No, no, that's not his car.
[Demi] What?
[Shannon] It's Chris' car.
Why are you washing Chris' car?
Why are you washing Chris's car, Bobby?
Well, technically, it's his step-dad's car.
[music playing faintly]
[Shannon] Okay.
[Demi] I'm gonna go.
Oh.
**** block.
[Shannon] Ew. You know she's dating Mike.
For now.
[Shannon] For probably a long time.
What does he see in you?
Wait, Chris says he sees something in me?
Oh!
♪ Yesterday's Numbers by Flamin' Groovies ♪
♪
♪ Have you ever been alone
♪
♪ So long you couldn't end
♪
♪ Did you ever break a heart, baby ♪
♪ Well, I do
♪ Did you ever lose a friend?
♪
♪ Baby, I want your love tonight ♪
♪ To make my head feel light ♪
♪
Hey, pal.
Is everything okay?
Yeah.
I just thought this summer was going to start
a little differently.
Don't I know it.
But you know what they say,
a bad day at Pineway is better
than a good day anywhere else.
♪
It's a long summer,
and you're in the best place in the world.
[Bobby] Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
Thanks, man.
My pleasure.
I'm Bobby.
What? I know.
Oh, and you are?
Seriously?
We've gone to camp together for eight years.
Holy shit, Matt?
No! Jason.
Jason? - Jason, Jason Hochberg.
I don't think I know you, dude. - You definitely, absolutely do.
I was one of your bunk counselors two years ago.
Jason.
No. - That's fine.
That's totally fine.
You know what it is?
I got a gym membership this past spring,
and I've been trying really hard to lose all this weight.
So in a weird way,
the fact you don't recognize me is actually a--
Wait, Jason.
Jason, of course. Jason Hochberg.
No, you look pretty much the exact same,
I just forgot you existed.
[Jason] Okay.
Wait, weren't you not going to come back this summer?
[grill sizzling]
Ooh.
Oh.
One tofu burger, please.
Well done or bloody? [laughs]
Just kidding.
Well, don't. That's disgusting.
Sorry. Coming right up.
[drum beat]
[birds chirping]
[Bobby] You mind if I join you?
You don't eat meat?
Me? Oh God, no.
No, people who eat meat disgust me.
They should be slaughtered, if you ask me.
I say that same exact thing all the time.
I um, I had no idea you felt like that.
Yeah, well, I try to let my actions
speak for themselves, you know?
Two years vegetarian and proud.
You do realize how disgusting the dairy industry is, right?
Like, you might as well be eating meat if you're--
[Both]-- drinking milk.
Jinx! You didn't let me finish.
Two years vegetarian and proud,
18 months vegan and prouder.
[Ari] You couldn't wait to eat.
He literally is making you a burger.
[Claire] Why are you monitoring what I eat?
[whistle blows]
What is going on, everybody?
She is being wildly insensitive to my condition.
Wait, is this true, Claire?
Of course not. I'm, like, eating a ****ing granola bar
25 feet away from you, and you are freaking out.
By the way, it doesn't have nuts in it, okay!
See, that's good. No nuts.
That's like if I held a gun to you for five minutes,
like, "Relax, Ari. Doesn't have any bullets in it."
It's nothing like that because one is a gun
and the other is a stupid nut allergy.
[All] Ooh!
[Jason] Okay, she did not mean that.
Yeah, I do.
[groans]
Twenty-six percent.
[All] What?
Kids who have allergies are 26% more likely
to develop social anxiety than those without.
Did you know that? Huh?
No, no, I didn't know that.
Right.
Enjoy your privilege.
[sighs]
[Bobby] It's actually so funny that you say that
because I'm a Scorpio, like Ryan Gosling.
Eww, I hate Scorpios.
What?
Miley, no! Don't go!
Miley!
Like Gosling.
[birds chirping]
[flies buzzing]
♪
[whistling]
♪
[door opening]
♪
Mike?
Have you seen my other lash curler?
I literally just saw it.
I'm trying to get ready before the bonfire,
and I'm not even close.
Hello, Mike.
[thud]
[Demi groans]
♪
[thud]
♪
[thudding]
♪
[Mike] So I say to him, "Hey, do you listen to this? I'm a liar."
So you just knocked him out,
out cold with one shot?
Yeah. I mean, like, thank God I did,
otherwise, I'd still be in shit.
This guy knocked out a ****ing cop, bro.
Yes, that's sick.
No, it's not sick, okay.
I have a great deal of respect for the police.
So you kicked one in the head?
I wasn't thinking, man. I'm kind of an idiot.
No, you're not an idiot.
You kind of are, though.
I mean, you kicked a cop.
He could have shot you. - Oh, well, this was a--
Who wants to hear a spooky story?
Jesus Christ, Jason, Mike's in the middle of a story, dude.
Continue. Mike, please.
I don't even remember where I was at.
I'll just start over again.
So he reaches for his cuffs and I say,
"I forgot to mention,
I'm a liar."
♪
[Claire] Hey.
Ah!
Hey.
Woah, I did not mean to scare you.
You okay?
Yeah, yeah.
Shouldn't, like, leave your door open.
I wanted a little...
air.
Okay.
Why aren't you with the fire?
Well, I should probably be planning
some more group activities for tomorrow.
Plus, I just don't really think that they want me there.
**** that.
You're allowed to have fun too,
even if you are trying to like, be professional,
or get hired, or whatever.
You can still have fun.
Why aren't you at the bonfire?
Because they're like, insufferable.
That's not fair. Claire!
[chuckles] Ezra's doing monologues.
Ooh.
Mike is shitfaced.
Bobby keeps telling everyone he's going to jump the fire
on his BMX.
What? That sounds incredibly reckless.
He could die.
I know.
You want to come watch?
Do you think they'll have weenies there?
What?
Do you think they'll have weenies grilling on the--
It's nothing.
Too much tongue? - No.
Not enough tongue?
No. No.
Oh, okay, great.
Are you going to maybe tell Bobby about this?
[exhales]
Yeah. - Yeah.
Yeah, I think I will. - Yeah, I figured.
Wait, he's my best friend, Shannon.
No, I know he's your best friend,
but like, he's also kind of an ***hole.
Oh, no, no, no, he just,
he just looks and acts like one.
♪
Come on, you got this.
♪
It's just fire.
♪
Man, he definitely not doing this.
I know.
[Claire] Hurry up!
♪
Come on, now.
Fire can't burn a dragon.
♪
Bobby! Bobby!
[All] Bobby! Bobby!
Bobby! Bobby!
Come on! Just do it, *****!
What? Huh?
What did you just call me?
You know what?
Forget it! No!
I'm about to risk my life for your entertainment,
and you call me a *****.
Stunt's off!
[all booing]
You hear that, Ari? They're booing you.
Right.
[bird calling]
♪
I don't need you.
♪
I won't do this.
♪
I hate you.
[gasps]
[breathing shakily]
It's Beyond Meat.
♪
[screaming]
[slicing]
♪
Is someone there?
♪
It's Mike.
Hello?
♪
Well,
we were talking by the fire,
and then we went behind the bunks
and eventually snuck into the rec room.
♪
Hey, Chris.
Hey, man.
Bobby!
Fellas!
I'm just doing the rounds
and making sure everybody is coolio.
I have a couple of amazing group activities planned for tomorrow,
so try to get a good night's rest,
and I'll see you in the morning.
Yeah, that sounds great, but we were actually planning
on going to the rec room soon, and I imagine we might be there
for a long time, so maybe just count us out
of those group activities.
[door closes]
Hey, Demi. Don't you worry,
we have a lot of amazing group activities
planned for tomorrow.
Breakfast will be served at 8:30 sharp.
[Jason mumbling to himself]
♪
[knocking on door]
Hey Dem, missed you at the bonfire.
I'm just coming around,
telling everyone about a couple of fun activities
we have planned for tomorrow.
So, breakfast is at 8:30 sharp, and--
♪
Hello?
♪
[knocking on door]
Demi?
[door creaking]
I'm coming in!
Are you decent?
♪
[Jason screaming]
♪
[screaming]
♪
[screaming]
[guitar strumming]
[singing] Because she says, "I love you" ♪
[ Jason screaming faintly]
Help!
She's dead!
♪
I went down to Demi's bunk.
She's been killed.
[Ezra] What's going on? - [scream]
Jason saying that he's been killed.
[gasps]
You guys stole my ****ing murder mystery party idea,
didn't you?
No, I'm being serious!
We, we have to get out of here!
I pitched this idea months ago, okay?
We need to get help!
We, we, we, we need to call the police!
Jesus. All right, go get the phones.
♪
Oh, no!
Someone stole the phones!
Jason, you're pushing a little bit, okay?
But I do appreciate the dedication to this performance.
Everybody, please!
Oh, Jason.
Stop talking right now!
Demi is dead in her bunk.
We're not safe here.
We need to leave right now.
We really should not be going back here.
♪
Is anyone else getting peckish?
There's burgers in the kitchen.
Guys, come on.
[door creaking]
♪
Where is she?
She was just right there.
♪
It could be stage blood.
♪
Definitely Demi.
[screaming]
Oh, ****!
[screaming]
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
[screaming]
I can fit four people!
Shotgun!
[screaming]
Claire!
[screaming]
Claire!
[screaming]
Claire!
Yeah? What is it?
We need to go. We need to go.
♪
What the ****?
[screaming]
♪
Oh, ****, Dale just got these installed!
**** it, let's go. Start it!
[grunting]
Unlock the door!
[engine struggling]
****! My car won't ****ing start!
The battery's dead!
****, mine too!
What is happening right now?
Demi's been murdered, and there's a killer on the loose!
What?
♪
Nobody leaves this bunk, okay?
We're safe in here.
What about Miley?
She's still out there.
And Mike.
Oh, yeah, him too.
****! They weren't with you guys?
We're going to die! We're all going to die!
No, we're not going to die.
We're going to be okay.
Really? Because Demi's been slaughtered,
Mike and Miley are probably next,
and none of us have our phones.
What about the landline?
Yeah, there's one in the meal hall.
Brilliant.
It's probably cut.
Whoever did this took our cell phones,
killed our car, you don't think they thought of that too.
Maybe they did, but we have to try.
**** that. We don't have to do shit.
If you want to try, that's your death wish.
Don't be a ***, Ari.
You did not see Demi's bunk, okay?
It was a bloodbath. I'm not going back out there.
Me neither.
Fine, I'll go.
No, you can't go do that alone because it's too dangerous.
Yeah.
It's way too dangerous, Bobby.
Why don't you go with him?
Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you?
What's that supposed to mean?
I don't want to ****ing go out there.
Yeah, no one does, but he can't go alone.
♪
These are completely shuffled,
totally random.
Two lowest cards come with me, okay?
Wait. Are aces high or low?
High. - Low.
When are aces ever low? - Cribbage.
How about if you get an ace, you get to pick
if it's high or low? - Who the hell would pick low?
I don't know, it's just a thought.
Aces are high.
Okay?
[All] Three, two, one.
Queen. Yes!
Eight of clubs.
Did anyone get lower than a three?
♪
Miley?
Mike?
Guys?
Miley?
Mike?
Should we just go back now
and tell them that the phone didn't work?
Ugh, fine.
♪
I'm just glad I packed this.
A ****ing bear didn't kill Demi.
We can't rule it out completely.
I threw a tofu burger into the woods earlier.
A bear probably ate it and hated the taste so much,
it decided to go for the real thing.
Human flesh.
I'm afraid so.
What do you guys think burgers are made of?
♪
The line's been cut.
Oh, I've always wanted to say that.
What, is line actually cut?
Oh, yeah. No, this thing's not gonna work at all.
♪
[dripping]
♪
[screaming]
♪
[screaming]
Help!
♪
[ Jason screaming in the distance]
♪
Jason! What happened? - Are you okay?
Where is everyone?
I don't know.
We were in the meal hall looking for the phone.
Did it work?
No, but then Ari--
Got attacked by a bear.
No, what?
Shut the **** up. Just let him finish.
He opened the fridge. Miley's head was in there.
Next thing I know, they're sprinting away.
I didn't know what to do, so I just ran back
as fast as I could.
I thought they'd come back too.
Maybe they still will.
♪
[owl hooting]
♪
We're going to be all right.
John and Kathy will be here soon,
and they're going to call for help.
What are we going to do until then?
Stay in here.
****.
I knew I should have packed my nunchucks.
Oh, so now it's not a bear? - I don't know, Shannon.
No one knows what we're dealing with here.
I know how we can get some answers.
♪
Okay.
Everybody join hands together. We're going to bless the board.
♪
I'd like to sit this one out, if that's okay.
Everyone in the room has to be holding hands.
Oh, then I'll leave the room.
[Chris] What's up, man?
I don't **** with ghost shit.
Do you **** with getting brutally murdered outside?
That's kind of a loaded question.
Just grab someone's hand.
[Bobby] Fine. Can I at least sit between two chicks?
♪
Hello, spirits.
We are not here to hurt you.
We just want to talk.
All spirits are welcome.
Oh! Whoa! Maybe not all spirits.
Quiet!
Ezra is with us.
I call upon you, Ezra.
I'm going to ask a yes or no question.
Are you dead? - That's a bit of a softball.
Shh.
Let him answer.
♪
Yes.
Who did this to you?
♪
I.
D.
E.
K.
He doesn't even know.
Wait, I, I sense a new spirit here.
♪
Demi.
Oh my God.
Demi, who killed you?
♪
[slamming]
Ghost!
[screaming]
[whimpering]
Help! Help me!
**** you, bitch!
Who the ****--
♪
[groaning]
[grunting]
♪
[muffled screaming]
Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
♪
Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, no, please, please, please, please.
No! Stop!
Stop! No!
Help!
[muffled screaming]
♪
[screaming]
[sobbing]
Ezra, are you okay?
No! Do I look okay? I can't see. I've been blinded.
I'm so sorry, dude! I thought you were the killer.
You screamed, "Ghost."
I didn't know for sure.
**** you, Bobby!
[bird calling]
♪
[Claire] What happened? Where were you?
Well, when I saw Miley's decapitated head
flop over in the fridge,
I suppose my survival instincts kicked in.
I closed my eyes and ran to the one place
that I've always felt safe, the theater.
But as I was lying there alone in the dark,
under the boards,
it came to me.
What came to you?
♪
The identity of the killer.
The killer isn't some deranged woodsman
or psychiatric hospital escapee.
The killer is someone that we all know,
someone who waited for the perfect opportunity
to exact their revenge.
The killer is...
Jason.
What?!
Jason Hochberg, he's the killer.
No, no, no! Wait, wait!
Ah!
What the ****?
Claire, stay back!
He's the killer.
I'm not!
Are too!
Ow! - Get off of him!
You're the one who took our phones.
Yeah!
It's camp policy.
And you're the one that found Demi's body.
Yeah!
That was a coincidence.
And you're like forty-****ing-five,
and you still go to summer camp.
[All] Yeah!
I'm only 24.
Save it for the jury! [Claire] Get off of him!
Claire, enough.
He clearly hates himself, so he snapped and started
killing off the hottest counselors.
Wait. What? Timeout.
We don't know that. That's subjective.
No, we do. It's obvious.
You guys are ****ing insane.
I agree with Claire. He's definitely killing at random.
I'm not killing at all.
He's not the killer.
Yes, he is.
I've got nothing but weird energy from him
ever since we got here.
You get weird vibes from me? Are you kidding me?
If anyone's a killer, it's probably her!
Hey, hey, hey.
Don't bring Noelle into this, okay?
She's a ****ing sweetheart.
Apologize to Noelle right now.
I'm sorry. Noelle, I'm really sorry.
I didn't mean that at all.
But guys, you're making a huge mistake here.
I'm not a killer. I'm, Ja--
[muffled screaming]
Okay.
If he doesn't break soon,
we're going to have to torture him.
I agree.
[muffled screaming]
Now...
You're gonna tell me where you hid the phones?
[muffled screaming]
Okay, okay, I see how it is.
You'll be talking soon enough.
[muffled screaming]
Hey, Bobby, you coming?
I want to keep an eye on Jason.
Good call.
Do you want anything, like a snack or something?
Water would be great, actually.
Water? Great. Jason, anything?
[muffled screaming]
Suit yourself.
[sighs] There are like no good torture weapons in here.
Can we look for milk or something?
I can't see anything.
There's water.
Hey! Single use plastics are the real killers.
[Chris] Shannon, where do they keep the glasses?
[muffled talking]
♪
Did I ever say something to you,
did I do something that made me deserve this?
Jason went nuts,
started killing all the hot kids,
but I wasn't one of them.
How is that supposed to make someone feel?
Demi makes sense,
Miley, I understand.
But, Mike, what?
Wrong place, wrong time?
I guess he has a nice body, but it's mostly genetic.
I mean, I'm an ectomorph, which means that it's--
[thud]
Let's get out of here.
What are you doing? They'll be back any second.
Yeah, so I'm ****ing untying you.
Ow! - Did I hurt you?
No, no. Just because be careful around my rib bones.
Don't say ow f I didn't hurt you.
Wait, did I make you that one?
The green and yellow one.
Yeah, you gave me that two summers ago.
You kept it?
Of course.
Oh, no, no. I got it.
We should go. - Yeah.
Okay, let's go! - Okay.
♪
Hey, what the ****?
What's happening?
Jason and Claire are running away!
What? We didn't even torture you yet.
**** you guys.
No, not cool, guys.
But I brought waters!
Oh, goddamn it!
♪
How'd they get past Bobby?
[glass shatters]
Fine! Stay dehydrated!
Sorry, guys. I'll go get more.
Okay.
Poor Claire.
No, I tried to warn her.
But I mean, she's going to be okay, right?
Please, he's probably chopping her up as we speak.
Ezra.
What? He cut Miley's head off. Like off.
There's just no knowing the depths of that man's evil.
♪
I just hope everybody's okay.
Claire, maybe we should go back. We can explain ourselves.
They're getting ready to torture you.
And they probably feel terrible about that now.
I bet they're really embarrassed.
No, I don't think that they are.
But they know I'm not the killer.
Shannon said it herself.
What are you talking about?
I overheard her saying that she didn't think
I was capable of doing something like that.
Physically. Like she didn't think that you
could physically do that.
Oh.
Yeah, she didn't think that you could overpower anyone.
Right.
♪
It just doesn't make any sense.
I mean, I was lying there unconscious,
practically begging for him to kill me,
and he didn't even lay a finger on me.
I mean, am I that ugly to him?
You know, I wouldn't take it personally, dude.
He's a sick, sick man,
and if he had any taste, he would have killed you
a long time ago.
Thanks, man.
Okay, this is ridiculous.
We should be out there looking for our phones.
Wrong. We should be waiting for John and Kathy.
No. Well, we don't know how long that's going to be.
What, you want to wait until tomorrow afternoon?
Tomorrow night?
What if they don't make it at all tomorrow?
Then what happens to your genius plan?
Nobody knows that shit went ****ing haywire.
[clattering]
Oh, sorry.
You're making me nervous.
Shannon's right.
We can't keep sitting here doing nothing.
Yeah.
Let's go find the phones.
♪
I just can't believe Bobby didn't even recognize me at all.
Pineway champion runner up four years in a row,
and he had no clue who I was. Like, does he not even look
at the bottom of the frames? - Shh!
What?
This looks familiar.
Okay, then why do I have to be quiet?
Oh, I know that tree.
You know that tree?
Yeah. - What do you mean?
That's Make Out Point.
Ma-- yeah.
Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah.
Make Out, yeah, this is Make Out Point.
You've never been here before?
No, I've been here. Yeah.
It's just, At first, it looked a little different is all.
It's actually, it's crazy how much this foliage
changes over the course of a year.
Mm-hmm.
I'm surprised that you've been here.
You're surprised?
No, not surprised. I mean, I'm impressed, is what I--
Not, I don't mean to impressed, like, you know.
I just mean like you probably come here all the time
or not all the time.
I mean, normal time.
Like, you come here like, when it's like,
a good amount, like it's, like--
No, you're right, I like, I practically live here.
[chuckling]
♪
Jason?
♪
[door creaking]
[door closing]
♪
[Ezra] Guys, has anyone found anything?
I'm starting to get freaked out.
♪
[gasps]
Finally!
[thud]
♪
[thudding]
[flies buzzing]
[Claire] Is that...?
[Jason] It's John and Kathy.
Come on, we have to go.
Jason, we have to go.
We have to go back.
What the **** are you talking about?
We have to get help.
They where the help.
Everyone thinks that they'll be there tomorrow.
Right? Which is why we need to go,
and we need to go get the police.
It's 30 miles of forest, we won't make that.
We have no choice.
What are we supposed to do?
Like we go back there and do what?
We have to try.
Just stop! Be real with yourself for one second, okay?
If we go back there, we are going to die.
Then you go.
You go.
Try and get help.
I just, I can't.
I can't leave them.
They like think that you were the killer.
They were about to torture you.
Yeah, but they're just scared.
They don't mean that.
No, they are ***holes. You don't owe them anything.
You don't owe them your life.
I'm supposed to be camp leader.
Yeah, you made that up.
That doesn't mean it's not true.
♪
Just stay with me.
Please?
♪
I'm sorry.
♪
[ Demi speaking faintly]
Noelle?
Oh, my God.
♪
You guys are alive!
Guys, get in here! This is amazing!
[Shannon] I can't believe you guys are alive.
Jason told us that he killed you.
Wait, what?
Jason told you that he killed us?
No, he said that you were dead.
But then we found out that he's the killer.
Which is why we decided to kill him.
What, you killed Jason?
No, he got away.
Where'd he go?
Into the woods.
[whistling]
I'm just really glad that you guys are okay.
Me too.
Mm-hmm.
What the **** is going on?
Why do they think it's Jason?
Hey, I can't focus when you look this good.
Are you kidding me?
Can you keep it in your pants for, like, five minutes?
The plan is going to shit.
Babe, relax. We're fine.
I mean, I know it's not what you wanted,
but maybe it's not the worst idea
we blame it on him.
Ow! - Shh!
I knew you were going to bitch out! I ****ing knew it.
I'm not bitching out.
We killed them to get famous and you want to turn back now?
I'm not gonna let Jason get all the credit
for my hard work.
I know, I know, but I've been thinking about it,
and I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a jail cell.
I want to be with you.
Okay, cute. And I don't want to spend
the rest of my life as a ****ing nobody.
As a... babe.
Think about what would happen if we did blame him.
The young, hot couple survives a serial killer.
We'd be huge.
♪
Okay, **** it. Let's do it.
Yes, yes. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Okay, but we have to kill them all.
We'll figure something out.
I am not competing for camera coverage.
♪
[grunt]
♪
[door slams open]
All right, here's the plan.
We're going to sit tight and wait for help
to arrive in the morning.
We'll all take turns keeping watch all night.
And if we stick together,
everything's going to be okay.
♪
Now, this angel over here
had a great idea to leave a little video behind,
just in case things go sideways.
Demi, babe, take it away. [chuckles]
Hey, guys, it's Demi.
Tonight something really ****ed up happened.
This guy named Jason freaked out and started killing everyone.
He killed Miley,
probably Noelle and Ari too.
You think you know someone, you know?
I knew it was him from the start.
Jason Hochberg is a demented individual.
He is vile, monstrous,
despicable and--
Scary. Jason's a really scary guy.
Yeah, I had a, I had a few close calls with the guy.
Real psycho.
He kept saying that there was no reason behind the attacks.
He really wanted everyone to know
that they were totally random.
Okay, great.
Thanks, guys. I think we have everything we need.
Mike?
♪
Can you see anything?
No, it's getting really scary.
I wish we had night vision goggles.
Dude. I feel like I say that all the time.
Me too.
♪
Mike?
[crashing]
♪
[grunt]
My mistress with a monster is in love.
Near to her close and to consecrated bower,
while she was in her dull and sleeping hour,
a crew of patches, rude mechanicals
who work for bread upon Athenian stalls.
Was that good?
Rude mechanicals who work for bread upon Athenian stalls,
intended for great Theseus' nuptial-day.
The shallowest-- wait, no, no, no, no, no.
Were met together to rehearse a play
intended for great Theseus' nuptial-day.
Ezra!
What?
Run! Run! Jason's behind you!
What? Where?
Left!
Stage left?
I don't even know what that means!
[cracking]
[screaming]
[thud]
♪
[thud]
[screaming]
We need to get the **** out of here.
Shannon's still in there.
Chris, we need to leave right now.
I gotta go, man. She's the one.
Way too soon.
Sometimes you just know.
I'll meet you back outside.
You're a fool, Christian.
♪
Shannon?
[door closes]
♪
[door opens]
♪
[clattering]
Oh!
♪
[Both] Where's Chris?
I thought he was with you. - He went back to get you.
****!
He's gonna die in there. We have to go back and get him.
♪
Jason.
[slap]
Oh!
Oh, good, you're awake.
[muffled screaming]
Right, because the whole [makes choking sound] thing.
Yeah, I just couldn't have anyone wondering where I was.
If I take off the gag, do you promise not to freak out?
I need you to tell me where Claire is.
[muffled speaking]
Help! Help me!
No one can hear you.
Help!
♪
Oh, God.
Oh, that's so bad.
There's so much blood.
Shannon, there's so much blood.
Will you shut the **** up? - Oh, ****, this is bad.
That's so much worse than I thought I was gonna be.
I can't do this. I can't do this.
Chris will be fine.
No, no, what are you doing, you ****ing idiot?
We have to get Chris now! - I don't want to get Chris.
He could be anywhere, and Jason's right there.
[slap]
Oh!
Pull your shit together.
**** it, I'll go-- - Fine, wait!
I'm gonna go in,
but before I do
I just want to say that you probably don't deserve him.
Oh, **** you! - No.
But I definitely don't deserve him.
I don't. At least you got a chance.
I'll handle the killer. You just get Chris,
and you both get out of here.
No. - Yes.
No, Bobby. - I don't want to hear it.
It's what I have to do.
It's suicide.
♪
Why would you say that? - What did I say?
It's suicide. I'm trying to hype myself up
to have this big, heroic moment,
and now I'm really second guessing myself.
Sorry.
It's fine.
Just think next time before you say something like that.
♪
Hey, ****face!
Wassup?
♪
****!
♪
Chris?
Chris, where are you?
Chris.
Shannon, I'm up here.
Chris, why the **** did you get into the castle? Let's go!
Spot me. - Come on, come on, let's go.
Ah, oh!
You okay?
You came back for me.
Well, yeah, I wasn't going to let you die.
Okay, let's go.
I love you.
[Shannon] What?
Nothing. Nothing, yeah. Let's go.
♪
[grunting]
♪
[grunting]
[glass shattering]
Where's Jason?
♪
That's not Jason, you ****ing idiot!
[Mike] Jason's probably already dead.
Oh, ****, Mike. - Mike?
Oh, you miss me?
[Bobby] No, you classically handsome piece of shit.
Claire, get out of here.
Go find Jason. I'll deal with this ***hole.
[thud]
Demi, what are you doing?
I know you. This isn't you.
♪
[crying] You're right.
It's, it's Mike.
Mike's making me do this.
I don't, I don't want to.
Oh, my God. My hormonal female brain,
it can't think for itself. I'm so indecisive.
And thank god a strong man came along
and convinced me to murder people.
Are you ****ing kidding me?
[Jason] What?
You think that Mike made me kill people?
No one can make me do anything.
Bitch!
Oh.
[thud]
[clattering]
[groaning]
♪
Ow! ****ing bitch!
♪
Oh!
[crashing]
[groaning]
♪
Shit!
♪
Come here.
[thud]
[groaning]
Ah, ****!
[slamming]
♪
Oh, come on!
[grunting]
[crashing]
[groaning]
[wheezing]
[gasping]
♪
[grunt]
Why are you doing this to me?
Why frame me? Why me?
[Demi] Why? Why? Why?
[spits]
Eww, Jason!
So pathetic.
Don't get mad at me. Get mad at them.
They're the ones that blamed it on you.
I was supposed to get all the credit.
Are you kidding me?
Do you even know how long it took me to plan everything?
I've been fantasizing about killing you ****ing losers
for years.
I'm honestly a little jealous of you.
You're going to be even more famous than me.
You're so lucky.
[door slams open]
Don't ****ing move!
♪
[groans]
[glass shattering]
[groaning]
Come here.
♪
[All] Bobby! Bobby!
Bobby! Bobby!
Bobby.
♪
Ah, ****!
The ****?
Oh, you ****ing bitch!
♪
Oh!
♪
Ah! Oh!
**** you!
[grunt]
Ah!
[grunting]
♪
[thudding]
[grunting]
[thudding]
[laughs]
Oh, what the ****? Are you ****ing hard right now?
Shut the **** up!
The ****? - Don't ****ing look at that.
Look away!
[Bobby] Okay!
Look the **** away!
I'm not looking!
This isn't even for you, man.
[Bobby] Okay.
Shut the **** up, man, you will never get it.
You will never ****ing understand.
Do you know how good ***** is after killing someone?
What?
[growls]
Do you know how good ***** is
after ****ing killing someone?
Is it that much better?
[thud]
****, dude, that sounds ****ing dope.
I get it, man, I ****ing get it.
So ****ing help me with something, man.
I could, like, be your guys third or something.
[thud]
Not like that. I didn't mean it like that.
I won't ****ing touch you, man. I would never ****ing dream
of doing that. I'm just gonna ****ing clean up the bodies
and ****ing mop up the floor.
[thud]
And if it gets really ****ing horny,
is what I'm saying, I'll ****ing rub one out or something.
It doesn't matter. - What the ****?
Don't ****ing kill me, Mike.
[thud] - Shut up.
Mike, I forgot to mention...
I'm a liar.
[gasps]
♪
[thud]
[gasping & coughing]
Put the knife down.
I said don't move, I will slit his throat.
♪
No! It's over, Claire.
You have to let her kill me.
What?
No.
You were right.
Everyone was right. I shouldn't be here.
I mean, look at me. I'm a grown *** man
who still goes to summer camp.
You have to move on.
You have to push forward.
Push forward.
It's time to let go.
Let go, Claire.
Claire.
♪
Let go!
[screaming]
[thud]
Hi, are you okay?
Nice shot.
Yeah, just glad you're okay.
Are you wearing eyeshadow?
♪
****ing bitch!
[screaming]
[thud]
Whoa.
Oh, ****, Bobby.
♪
[children singing] ♪ Let's all go to PIneway ♪
♪ Fun times at Camp Pineway ♪
♪ Through the trees, and to the lake ♪
♪ Songs we sing, and friends we make ♪
♪ Every morning as we wake up ♪
♪ Pineway is the best
♪
[groaning]
I'm sorry I forgot who you were earlier.
That's okay.
I knew you weren't the killer.
Actually, that's not true. I thought you might have been
the killer for a second there,
but I didn't know Mike was still in the picture.
That's okay.
Here.
[groans loudly]
I want you to have this.
Wow.
Thank you.
But why did you do that? That's really dangerous.
You're never supposed to pull out a blade.
Shh.
You deserve it.
Bobby, you need to put pressure on that.
Like, seriously. Here.
Hand up, please.
Good. - Alright.
When people ask about me,
tell them that I died a hero's death.
You're not going to die from this.
Yes, I am.
No, actually, tell them they killed me first
because I was hot.
Bobby, you're not going to die from this.
The wound's only like two inches deep.
Wow. - Yeah.
Well, it's the thought that counts.
♪
Listen, it's been a crazy night,
and it made me realize that after almost dying--
Chris, it's-- - I don't love you.
I mean, I like you a lot,
and I really care about you,
it just, I don't love you. I mean, maybe down the line--
I don't love you either. That'd be ****ing insane.
Yeah, that'd be ****ing insane. You're right.
You're totally right.
But you do like me, though, right?
Yes, idiot.
♪
Hey.
You all right?
Yeah.
Thank you.
Thank you for coming back.
Oh, yeah. I knew you'd be ****ed without me.
Is Bobby going to be okay?
Don't worry, this isn't my blood.
This is Mike's blood. I beat him.
Yeah. - Good job.
Actually, a good amount of it is my blood too.
♪
Yeah.
He'll be, he'll be fine.
That's good.
So I figure next year,
I'm really gonna have to take on more responsibility here.
It'll be a publicity nightmare, for sure,
but if we could spin it the right way--
Jason.
I'm kidding.
[chuckling]
I'm just ****ing with you.
I'm, you know, ****ing with you, bro.
Eww, don't call me bro.
[chuckling]
So what are you going to do now?
♪ Good Times by Eric Burdon & The Animals ♪
♪
♪ When I think of all the good time that's been wasted ♪
♪ Having good times
♪
♪ When I was drinkin'
♪
♪ I should have been thinking
♪ When I was fighting
♪ I could've done the right thing ♪
♪ All of that boozin'
♪ I was really losin'
♪ Good times
♪
♪ Good times
♪ When I think of all the good times that's been wasted ♪
♪ Having good times
♪ When I think of all the good times that's been wasted ♪
♪ Having good times
♪
♪ All of my lying
♪ I remember her crying
♪ My useless talkin'
♪ I could've been walkin'
♪ Instead of complaining
♪ I could've been gainin'