1
00:00:01,701 --> 00:00:06,106
[marching band music]

2
00:00:10,710 --> 00:00:12,379
[sniffing]

3
00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:18,518
[dog barks]

4
00:00:18,585 --> 00:00:20,530
[narrator] Once upon a time,

5
00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:23,723
in the far away magical land
of South London,

6
00:00:23,790 --> 00:00:26,393
in a simple age,
when a **** belonged to a man

7
00:00:26,459 --> 00:00:28,495
and a **** was married
to a woman

8
00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:31,731
that sat in the pub all day
talking absolute bollocks,

9
00:00:31,798 --> 00:00:34,000
there was a little boy
called Jack.

10
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:38,538
The very first word
Jack ever spoke was...

11
00:00:38,638 --> 00:00:40,507
C-C-Cocaine.

12
00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:41,708
An ambitious child,

13
00:00:41,808 --> 00:00:44,344
Jack already knew
what he wanted out of life.

14
00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:46,479
What would you like to do
when you grow up, David?

15
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:48,181
Put a stop to world famine, sir.

16
00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:49,683
[teacher] What about you, Sarah?

17
00:00:49,749 --> 00:00:51,384
Invent something amazing, sir.

18
00:00:51,451 --> 00:00:55,889
-[teacher] What about you, Jack?
-Drugs, sir. And **** Sarah.

19
00:00:55,955 --> 00:00:57,891
Jack knew that being academic

20
00:00:57,957 --> 00:01:00,160
was about as useful
as a dildo in a nunnery.

21
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Round the flats, a different
type of education mattered.

22
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**** are you staring at,
you Jils?

23
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:09,200
This was Jack's university.

24
00:01:09,102 --> 00:01:11,604
Happily, he graduated
with venereal disease

25
00:01:11,671 --> 00:01:13,306
and a criminal record.

26
00:01:13,373 --> 00:01:17,177
And it was here he met Dani,
the love of his life.

27
00:01:18,178 --> 00:01:21,748
Jack and Dani, you've got to
admit, it's got a ring to it.

28
00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:24,451
Their love burned so brightly

29
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that Dani even gave up
on her dream of art college

30
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:30,900
and settled into a life
of domestic bliss.

31
00:01:30,190 --> 00:01:33,793
She laid down her paint brush
and picked up the laundry.

32
00:01:33,893 --> 00:01:36,663
And on the day their son JJ
was conceived,

33
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:40,166
Dani scored over 100,000
on some generic mobile game

34
00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:41,768
For a while, they were just
like any other normal family,

35
00:01:41,868 --> 00:01:44,838
but Jack had one little
niggling problem.

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00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:47,907
For 60 quid, you can buy
an electric kettle from Argos,

37
00:01:47,974 --> 00:01:50,176
or a day-glo collar
for an XL bully.

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00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:53,546
but being a ****ie-sniffing
**** was way more fun.

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00:01:53,646 --> 00:01:55,915
While most men
took their sons to football,

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00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:59,520
ate Ginsters pies and
reminisced about Coldplay gigs,

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00:01:59,152 --> 00:02:00,920
Jack slipped off
with his old muckers,

42
00:02:01,210 --> 00:02:02,422
Vinny, Roger and Deano,

43
00:02:02,522 --> 00:02:04,591
where they sniffed
phenomenal amounts of cocaine

44
00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:07,560
and enjoyed their favourite
pastime, fighting.

45
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:09,896
Come on then,
you ****ing two-bob ****s,

46
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I'll do the lot of ya.

47
00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:13,660
[fighting grunts]

48
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,834
But what became of poor Jack?

49
00:02:14,934 --> 00:02:17,971
After years of sniffing ****ie
and casual violence,

50
00:02:18,710 --> 00:02:19,339
with the morals of a pikey,

51
00:02:19,439 --> 00:02:20,807
surely he would redeem himself

52
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:23,610
and find his true place
in society?

53
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[♪ "Baggy Trousers" by Madness]

54
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[lullaby music plays]

55
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[♪ "Baggy Trousers" resumes]

56
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Let's do this bunch of ****s.

57
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[all cheer]

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00:02:56,376 --> 00:02:57,444
[yells] Come on!

59
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[lullaby music plays]

60
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:01,648
Oi!

61
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I thought you ****ing died
on us.

62
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[Jack] Vinny's wife
threw him out

63
00:03:05,151 --> 00:03:07,554
when she caught him with a
Brazilian tranny in Whitstable.

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00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:10,900
He only sees his kids
through a contact centre,

65
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,225
but he's too ashamed
to admit it, so he lies

66
00:03:12,292 --> 00:03:15,362
and says the missus has
taken them to Center Parcs.

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Here you are. You've been
****in' spark out

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00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:18,598
since we left London.

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00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:20,967
[Jack] Deano got
his first bit of bird

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00:03:21,670 --> 00:03:22,602
when off his nut on ketamine.

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00:03:22,669 --> 00:03:25,505
He stole a thousand pairs
of Loro Piana mittens

72
00:03:25,605 --> 00:03:28,441
and tried to sell them at
the local thalidomide centre.

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00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:31,144
Liven yourself up,
silly bollocks,

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we're nearly in Grimsby.

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00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,280
[Jack] Maybe not the brightest,

76
00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:36,383
Roger thought Canvey Island
was in the Bahamas,

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and was blown away
by EasyJet.

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00:03:38,251 --> 00:03:40,587
He once flew to Helsinki,
then come straight home

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00:03:40,687 --> 00:03:42,555
just to experience
speedy boarding.

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00:03:42,655 --> 00:03:44,724
[♪ "Baggy Trousers" resumes]

81
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:58,605
That's better. I feel brand new.

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00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:02,800
If you wanna avoid wannabe ****s
in snide Moncler jackets

83
00:04:02,108 --> 00:04:03,977
that fancy themselves
as football thugs,

84
00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:05,612
over-policed stadiums,

85
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:08,248
and tickets that cost
more then a gram of ****ie...

86
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:11,317
then the lower leagues
are for you.

87
00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:14,587
But be warned, this sport
is only for the truly committed.

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[indistinct shouting]

89
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**** me, they're mob-handed.

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00:04:18,458 --> 00:04:21,628
[shouting]

91
00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:27,500
Come on! Come on!

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[Jack] No one run. Stay
together. Let's do these ****s.

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Do not run.

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[indistinct shouting]

95
00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:43,983
Here we go! Come on, Grimsby.

96
00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:48,421
[♪ keyboard version of
"Symphony No.9" by Beethoven]

97
00:04:48,521 --> 00:04:50,623
[commentator] Well,
we are in for a treat today.

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00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:53,727
Two great firms, bitter rivals
and sworn enemies

99
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:56,196
meeting in the bombed-out
streets of Grimsby.

100
00:04:56,262 --> 00:04:58,231
And as the firms advance
towards each other,

101
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:01,134
it's great to see Grimsby
with such a tidy looking mob.

102
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:02,836
These flash ****ney wankers

103
00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:04,471
won't know what's
****ing hit them.

104
00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:06,606
Oh, that's a lovely effort
from Grimsby.

105
00:05:06,673 --> 00:05:08,641
Deano's gone over
like a granny on ice.

106
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:12,312
Doesn't look like VAR will be
needed in this instance.

107
00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:14,547
Oh, that's terrific
from Roger the Dodger.

108
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Right round the ****ing
cannister with a beer bottle.

109
00:05:17,170 --> 00:05:19,190
That will require a few
stitches, I'd imagine.

110
00:05:20,186 --> 00:05:22,655
Oh, that's a shocking display
from the mouthy **** Vinny

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in the CP duffle coat.

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00:05:24,290 --> 00:05:27,560
Since when was pepper spray
in the fair-play rule book?

113
00:05:27,627 --> 00:05:30,363
Stone the crows,
he's only going again.

114
00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:34,968
Jesus, these ****-er-neys
are really ruthless ****s.

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00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:38,905
What a screamer
from Jack Jones!

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00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:40,707
That's worth a look
from another angle.

117
00:05:42,108 --> 00:05:44,711
And there it is,
a peach of a shot.

118
00:05:44,811 --> 00:05:46,479
Despite the fact
he's losing his hair,

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00:05:46,546 --> 00:05:47,981
and got erectile dysfunction.

120
00:05:48,381 --> 00:05:50,884
Oh, my word! He's only
gone and nutted the ****.

121
00:05:53,486 --> 00:05:56,356
And that's what I call
entertainment.

122
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[police sirens]

123
00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:11,400
[indistinct shouting]

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[Jack] It's all fun and games.
The sheer indulgence of it.

125
00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:42,680
The drinking and eating
and fighting and ****ing.

126
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:44,170
Until one day,
you wake up and realise

127
00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:45,972
you've done nothing
with your life.

128
00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:49,342
Everything you ever had,
all your hopes and dreams

129
00:06:49,442 --> 00:06:52,846
have come to
absolutely **** all.

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[judge] Fighting at football.
Possession of cocaine.

131
00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:58,852
At your age?

132
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:02,922
Don't you feel
the slightest bit embarrassed?

133
00:07:03,230 --> 00:07:05,250
Dreadfully embarrassed, mate.

134
00:07:05,910 --> 00:07:07,627
-Your Honour.
-Your Honour.

135
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,630
I swear, if he don't
send me to prison,

136
00:07:10,730 --> 00:07:12,265
I'll give him a blow job.

137
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:14,968
I'm gonna give you a chance,
Jones.

138
00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:17,470
I take that back. Nose job.

139
00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:18,605
But you need to prove to me

140
00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:20,774
why I shouldn't give you
a custodial sentence,

141
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,876
and you need to convince me

142
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:26,460
your liberty is worth
fighting for.

143
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:29,490
You'll be bound over
for six weeks.

144
00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:33,386
Now, you stated the reason
for your violent activity

145
00:07:33,486 --> 00:07:36,890
and drug use is financial
and marital difficulties.

146
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:38,725
Well, I'm gonna make it
a legal requirement

147
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:42,228
that you attend couples therapy.

148
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:47,467
As well as finding yourself
some gainful employment.

149
00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:49,135
Your freedom rests
in your ability

150
00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:52,272
to pull yourself together
over the next six weeks.

151
00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:55,342
Your probation officer
will report to me.

152
00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:58,678
Mess him around,
and it's prison for you.

153
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,514
Do we understand each other?

154
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:03,983
Yes.

155
00:08:08,755 --> 00:08:09,889
Stage fright?

156
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:14,794
You mean you're dyslexic?

157
00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:19,966
No biggie. Just ask.

158
00:08:20,660 --> 00:08:21,670
[Jack] Ta.

159
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:25,472
I'll help you, if you help me.

160
00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:28,108
-I'm gonna try.
-Good.

161
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,310
-I'm gonna try.
-It's worth taking it seriously

162
00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:32,712
cos life only pities the young.

163
00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:35,348
It isn't so kind to
middle-aged ****-ups.

164
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,422
So what's your relationship
with drugs like?

165
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,290
Stronger than my marriage.

166
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:46,559
How often do you do it?

167
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,529
I get the odd wank at Christmas.

168
00:08:49,596 --> 00:08:51,640
I meant drugs.

169
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:53,500
Oh. [chuckles]

170
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:54,934
We're still in love.

171
00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:56,603
You think it's a joke?

172
00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:59,739
A box-ticking exercise?
You're 45 years old.

173
00:08:59,806 --> 00:09:02,142
You haven't got time to spend
the next five years inside.

174
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,377
You think your wife
will wait for you?

175
00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:07,280
I wouldn't bet on it.

176
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:09,516
You've got six weeks
to turn your life around.

177
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:14,200
Now, do you wanna know
how probation works?

178
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:20,360
[cheering]

179
00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:23,563
You lucky ****! I thought you
was getting five. Sweet?

180
00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:25,632
I was planning on having a trade
with your missus.

181
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:26,800
-**** off.
-How you wound up

182
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,768
getting bound over's beyond me.
What a touch.

183
00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:30,437
-[Vinny] I'll get 'em in. Deano?
-Lager.

184
00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:31,571
- [Vinny] Rog?
-Lager, Vin.

185
00:09:31,638 --> 00:09:32,972
Jackie boy?

186
00:09:33,730 --> 00:09:35,800
I'll just have a pear juice,
I think.

187
00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:36,643
[room falls silent]

188
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:39,179
No, you won't. You'll have
a ****ing lager, you weirdo.

189
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,114
[sniffing]

190
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,716
What's he say then, your PO?

191
00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:45,251
-I gotta go therapy.
-What for?

192
00:09:45,352 --> 00:09:47,987
Brush up on my driving skills.

193
00:09:48,540 --> 00:09:49,522
Have a go on that.

194
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:54,194
-****ing get on with it then.
-Give us it.

195
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,770
[Jack] You know you loved
each other once.

196
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:06,272
There was a time when she
laughed at everything you said,

197
00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:08,274
no matter how ****ing stupid.

198
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:11,440
And you wore her legs
round your face like a scarf.

199
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,645
But that was years ago.

200
00:10:12,712 --> 00:10:14,814
And eventually, even those
who love you the most

201
00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:18,184
get tired of you acting
like a backwards ****.

202
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:20,320
Well, thank God
you didn't go to prison.

203
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,822
[JJ] Mum said she would have
run off with another man

204
00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:25,425
if you went to jail, one with
money and a sense of humour.

205
00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:27,861
Too right I will,
if you don't liven yourself up.

206
00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:30,230
Dan, what's happening, babe?
What you having?

207
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,332
It's ****ing light outside, Vin.
I'll have a tea.

208
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:34,267
Come on, babe, drop the act.
We're on it!

209
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:36,403
Shouldn't you be at home
with Lucy and the kids?

210
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,471
Nah, she's taken the kids
to that Center Parcs gaff

211
00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:41,700
for the weekend.
Anyway, **** that!

212
00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:43,977
-We're celebrating.
-Celebrating what?

213
00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:46,379
He's been given six weeks
to sort his ****ing life out.

214
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:47,981
[laughs]

215
00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,250
[chanting]
You're just a ****ing wanker!

216
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,385
You're just a ****ing wanker!

217
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,554
You're just a ****ing wanker!

218
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,589
You're just a ****ing wanker!

219
00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:58,925
You're just a ****ing wanker!

220
00:10:59,250 --> 00:11:00,960
You're just a ****ing wanker!

221
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:07,801
[Dani] Oi, dinlo. Come here.

222
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:13,506
-You scared me.
-I know, babe. Me an' all.

223
00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:15,275
**** prison.

224
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:18,445
-Tell me you're done with it.
-Yeah, course I am.

225
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,280
Let's go and have a roast
with your old man.

226
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:24,500
No. I said, tell me
you're done with it.

227
00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:26,386
All of it. The sniffing.
The football.

228
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,896
Right.
Start by emptying your pockets.

229
00:11:36,963 --> 00:11:40,660
[chuckles]
What, are you Old Bill?

230
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:45,772
-Don't you trust me?
-Take a wild guess.

231
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:46,840
All right.

232
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:50,143
Here you are. Here you are.

233
00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:53,880
You know I won't nag you, Jack.

234
00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:55,982
But I won't suffer you either.

235
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,220
If I had cocaine on me,

236
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,489
it wouldn't be
in me ****ing pocket.

237
00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:10,930
What did the judge say?

238
00:12:11,310 --> 00:12:12,399
Just gotta keep me nose clean.

239
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:16,803
Was he having a ****ing laugh
or what? You? [sniffs]

240
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:18,304
No, but seriously though, kid,

241
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:21,107
you've got to sort yourself out,
you know that, don't ya?

242
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:23,643
I mean, look at ya.
When you married my daughter,

243
00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:25,712
you took a vow
to take care of her.

244
00:12:25,812 --> 00:12:29,490
But look at you now, living
in one of my gaffs rent free,

245
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:31,584
and my little Dani don't know
if her husband's coming home

246
00:12:31,685 --> 00:12:33,420
in the next couple of weeks.

247
00:12:33,853 --> 00:12:38,391
If she leaves you, Jack,
then so does my charity.

248
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:41,294
And how long

249
00:12:41,394 --> 00:12:44,597
am I supposed to keep paying
for your son's education, eh?

250
00:12:46,132 --> 00:12:48,668
Well, it weren't my idea
to send JJ to private school.

251
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:53,373
He's my blood, Jack.
Forgive me for caring.

252
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:55,875
Trying to give him a leg up,
little start in life.

253
00:12:55,975 --> 00:12:58,311
I know. I appreciate it.

254
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:02,150
Ron, any chance you can get me

255
00:13:02,820 --> 00:13:03,416
on one of your
scaffolding teams?

256
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:05,180
Cos I've got to prove
I'm working.

257
00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:08,888
That's a young man's game, that.

258
00:13:08,988 --> 00:13:11,291
I've got no room for messers.

259
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:13,930
You've got to be fit.

260
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:16,960
I just need a job.
I'll do anything.

261
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:17,297
[Ron] Yeah?

262
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:20,500
Well, start by carving
this ****ing bird up.

263
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,235
I've got stuffing to make.

264
00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:27,307
Success didn't ruin
my father-in-law.

265
00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:29,843
He's always been a ****.

266
00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:32,946
[panpipes version of
"Love Is All Around" plays]

267
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:03,510
Look, Granddad.
I've got a hard-on.

268
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:05,879
[music stops]

269
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:08,581
Babe, you can't say that
at the table. OK?

270
00:14:12,152 --> 00:14:14,888
I need a word. Now.

271
00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:21,961
See? Private school's
doing him the world of good.

272
00:14:22,962 --> 00:14:25,298
Listen.

273
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:28,268
I might have a bit of graft
for ya.

274
00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:31,104
My Kenny Boy's coming home.
Needs someone to look after him.

275
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:33,673
Me look after Kenny Boy?

276
00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:36,876
He's been in a health farm.

277
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,145
I've got a lot on my plate, Ron.

278
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,315
He's your wife's brother, Jack.

279
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,416
Half-brother.

280
00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:45,752
What ****ing difference
does it make, eh?

281
00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:48,655
You said you wanted a job,
didn't ya?

282
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:56,296
Look, I know you're struggling,
yeah? I just wanna help.

283
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:58,431
Here's a bit of readies.

284
00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:01,601
Take this to be getting on with.

285
00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:07,774
Do something nice. Take him
to the fair or something.

286
00:15:07,841 --> 00:15:09,476
The fair?

287
00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:11,544
He's twenty-****ing-five, Ron.

288
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:13,179
We'll look like
a pair of bacons.

289
00:15:17,830 --> 00:15:18,418
Come on.

290
00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:24,958
Not quite the health farm
Ron had in mind.

291
00:15:25,580 --> 00:15:27,193
He was thinking ice baths
and reiki.

292
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,928
This gaff's method is Thorazine

293
00:15:29,290 --> 00:15:31,264
and repeats of
Escape to the Country.

294
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:34,601
Still, as long as he's had his
volts, he'll be raring to go.

295
00:15:34,668 --> 00:15:36,236
[gate buzzes open]

296
00:15:36,302 --> 00:15:38,872
Kenny Boy. How are you, mate?

297
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,208
Sweet, mate.
I never thought I'd get out.

298
00:15:42,308 --> 00:15:45,645
Gaff's full of Fraggles.
Gotta love the NHS, though.

299
00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:48,481
Some ****ing junior doctor's
charged me up like a Tesla.

300
00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:50,150
What's the prognosis?

301
00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:52,318
BPD, GAD, OCD,

302
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:56,856
PTSD, SAD and DPDD.

303
00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:58,792
Apart from that, I'm fine.

304
00:15:58,892 --> 00:16:01,961
Ha-ha. Only joking.
I'm just bipolar.

305
00:16:02,620 --> 00:16:04,464
-Come here, Jack, I missed ya.
-[chuckles]

306
00:16:04,931 --> 00:16:07,767
[♪ "Swan Lake" by Tchaikovsky]

307
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:24,751
What are you doing?
Can't be healthy.

308
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,687
Sweet, mate, they're organic.

309
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:31,240
Just saying, slow down.
You'll go mad.

310
00:16:31,910 --> 00:16:36,363
Don't worry.
I'm already mad. [laughs]

311
00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:38,164
[continues laughing]

312
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:40,667
I'm only joking.

313
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,170
[exhales]

314
00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:45,872
I feel reem.

315
00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:47,941
I do need to make a pitstop,
though.

316
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,443
I can't, I've got to go
to therapy with Dani.

317
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:53,913
Therapy with my sister?
****ing hell.

318
00:16:54,140 --> 00:16:56,483
Everyone knows your marriage
is already ****ed, mate.

319
00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:59,419
Just accept it and pull over.

320
00:17:00,530 --> 00:17:02,422
It's a ****ing court order,
Kenny Boy.

321
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:05,358
[♪ "Angels" by Robbie Williams]

322
00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:14,567
Sweet, mate.
I'll only be a minute.

323
00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:23,276
He drops off the bag,

324
00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:26,312
leaving the two young gazelles
to serve up.

325
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:33,420
At the same time,
leaving them vulnerable

326
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,355
to leopard attack.

327
00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:37,424
What the ****
are you talking about?

328
00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:43,229
Crank.

329
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:45,965
Numbed out on clozapine
and asenapine,

330
00:17:46,660 --> 00:17:49,135
Kenny Boy was about as in touch
with his feelings as the Tories,

331
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:51,838
so he reverted
to getting his kicks from...

332
00:17:51,938 --> 00:17:53,273
[grunts]

333
00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:55,475
[♪ "Angels" continues]

334
00:17:57,977 --> 00:17:59,450
[Kenny Boy laughs]

335
00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:01,470
The good thing
about robbing drug dealers,

336
00:18:01,147 --> 00:18:03,850
if you're game enough, is they
can't go crying to the police.

337
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:06,152
The bad thing about
robbing drug dealers

338
00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:07,487
is they'll do anything,

339
00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:09,856
and I mean ****ing anything,
to save face.

340
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:12,392
Don't say I didn't warn you,
Kenny Boy.

341
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:14,894
[♪ "Angels" continues]

342
00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:19,933
[indistinct]

343
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,502
[clock ticks]

344
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:34,180
I'd be happy for you to take
the session for yourself, Dani.

345
00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:35,715
No, I don't want to sit here

346
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:38,418
moaning about that prick
for an hour.

347
00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:39,686
Why not?

348
00:18:47,861 --> 00:18:50,130
You know what spins my nut?

349
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:52,732
He had so much
****ing potential.

350
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:56,803
[therapist] What about you?

351
00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:07,914
It's OK.

352
00:19:09,416 --> 00:19:12,719
You don't need to tell me
anything if you're not ready.

353
00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:18,458
I wanted to go to art college.

354
00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:19,926
He said I could draw
about as well

355
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:21,861
as Stephen Hawking, cheeky ****.

356
00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:25,999
Have you ever thought
about trying again?

357
00:19:26,990 --> 00:19:27,467
Art college, I mean?

358
00:19:28,802 --> 00:19:31,838
I wonder how that might feel,
to do something for yourself.

359
00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:36,343
Just something to consider.

360
00:19:39,112 --> 00:19:42,315
Have probation suggested
couples workshops?

361
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:46,860
I'd imagine he'd rather give
his cocaine to the homeless.

362
00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:49,122
Well, they can be
really transformative.

363
00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:51,725
And remember,
if he doesn't attend,

364
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:53,593
the court will hear about it.

365
00:19:54,928 --> 00:19:57,997
He's a wanker, but he's trying.

366
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,875
[laughs]

367
00:20:11,277 --> 00:20:13,580
Oh, Komodo dragon, my favourite.

368
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,148
Here, have that,
you pair of ****s.

369
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:16,549
[laughs]

370
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:17,717
Have your Komodo dragon.

371
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,386
Here you are,
here's four giraffes.

372
00:20:19,486 --> 00:20:21,421
[Kenny Boy laughs]

373
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:25,525
Health farm did him
a lot of good, then!

374
00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:27,694
He's ****ing doolally, Rog.

375
00:20:27,761 --> 00:20:30,230
I gotta make sure
he stays out of trouble.

376
00:20:31,164 --> 00:20:32,766
Funny place to bring him, Jack.

377
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:35,135
Everyone's washed their hands
of him. Poor kid.

378
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,903
This way, I can
keep my eye on him.

379
00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:39,439
Ain't you supposed to be
going to therapy?

380
00:20:39,506 --> 00:20:40,874
I'm sweet, mate.

381
00:20:40,974 --> 00:20:43,710
I've not had a booze or a sniff
in a week.

382
00:20:44,778 --> 00:20:46,246
Proud of you, mush.

383
00:20:49,516 --> 00:20:50,984
**** are you staring at?

384
00:20:51,510 --> 00:20:53,190
I'm watching your back,
you little mug.

385
00:20:53,860 --> 00:20:56,122
You look like a bacon lurking
outside a primary school.

386
00:20:56,222 --> 00:20:58,910
[laughter]

387
00:20:58,191 --> 00:21:00,126
[man] ****ing bacon!

388
00:21:00,226 --> 00:21:01,961
Pipe down, you.

389
00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:05,565
Right, I'm going khazi.
Come out the way.

390
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:13,640
-How much are you buying?
-Hold tight.

391
00:21:13,707 --> 00:21:15,809
I'm not sure
that's a good idea, Ken.

392
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:18,545
Oh, **** him, he's a ****ing
boring **** anyway.

393
00:21:19,312 --> 00:21:21,348
**** him, he's a Jils anyway.

394
00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:25,685
I know. I know.
I shouldn't be here.

395
00:21:25,752 --> 00:21:28,488
But at least my mates
have got my back.

396
00:21:44,237 --> 00:21:46,139
How, uh, how are you getting on
with the missus?

397
00:21:46,206 --> 00:21:48,208
She's doing my ****ing swede,
mate.

398
00:21:48,308 --> 00:21:50,643
I told her, "Take the kids to
Center Parcs for the weekend,

399
00:21:50,710 --> 00:21:52,545
I'm going Tranmere."
She goes, "Tranmere?"

400
00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:55,810
"Sounds like a ****ing
highly flammable fabric."

401
00:21:55,181 --> 00:21:56,816
[Kenny Boy laughs]

402
00:21:56,883 --> 00:21:59,520
I said, "I couldn't give
a ****, love. I'm out."

403
00:21:59,152 --> 00:22:02,389
And when I say out,
I mean out out.

404
00:22:02,455 --> 00:22:04,791
She goes, "What about
the kids' bedtime story?"

405
00:22:04,891 --> 00:22:07,260
I goes, "It'll be a good morning
story if I'm lucky."

406
00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:08,862
"I'm gonna get
****ing spangled."

407
00:22:08,928 --> 00:22:10,897
You all right, Jack?

408
00:22:10,964 --> 00:22:12,899
You look like
you've got the horrors.

409
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,603
Naughty bit of orange juice,
this, Ken. ****.

410
00:22:16,670 --> 00:22:19,390
[Kenny Boy laughs]

411
00:22:20,206 --> 00:22:23,109
[Jack] Tranmere,
the only place in the UK

412
00:22:23,176 --> 00:22:25,712
that still looks like an Eastern
Bloc country from the '80s.

413
00:22:25,812 --> 00:22:29,883
The poorer cousins of Liverpool,
if you can imagine such a place.

414
00:22:29,983 --> 00:22:32,252
Population of around 200,000,

415
00:22:32,352 --> 00:22:35,288
most of them on smack
or mobility scooters.

416
00:22:35,889 --> 00:22:38,124
But still,
they got a good firm,

417
00:22:38,224 --> 00:22:39,726
as Vinny is about to find out.

418
00:22:40,527 --> 00:22:42,950
You can pretend
that we don't exist,

419
00:22:42,195 --> 00:22:44,640
put us in England's bin
of undesirables,

420
00:22:44,130 --> 00:22:46,399
but like a fatal car crash,
you can't help but watch us

421
00:22:46,466 --> 00:22:47,967
from the safety
of your own vehicles.

422
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:49,736
Get on that.

423
00:22:53,106 --> 00:22:54,341
Vin!

424
00:22:58,144 --> 00:22:59,646
-Come on then.
-Come on then!

425
00:22:59,713 --> 00:23:02,415
-You ****ing want it or what?
-[shouting]

426
00:23:02,515 --> 00:23:03,717
[glass breaks]

427
00:23:19,399 --> 00:23:21,634
Get these ****ers! Come on!

428
00:23:44,958 --> 00:23:47,427
I'm going to ****ing kill you,
you ****!

429
00:23:47,527 --> 00:23:49,195
You are ****ing dead!

430
00:23:49,629 --> 00:23:51,640
****ing mad.

431
00:23:55,902 --> 00:23:57,804
[indistinct whispering voices]

432
00:23:57,871 --> 00:24:00,540
[female voice]
Welcome to London Bathrooms.

433
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:04,844
Please ensure you keep
the premises clean at all times.

434
00:24:04,944 --> 00:24:06,613
And most importantly,

435
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:08,348
enjoy your stay.

436
00:24:08,415 --> 00:24:10,517
Enjoy your stay?

437
00:24:11,551 --> 00:24:14,187
This gaff's barely fit
for homeless smackheads.

438
00:24:15,455 --> 00:24:17,691
Jack. Sniff that ****ie

439
00:24:17,757 --> 00:24:20,393
and there's no telling
where you'll land.

440
00:24:20,460 --> 00:24:23,563
Don't worry.
I know what I'm doing.

441
00:24:24,264 --> 00:24:26,599
Do you really?

442
00:24:26,666 --> 00:24:30,136
Open this can of worms
and you may never come back.

443
00:24:30,236 --> 00:24:33,673
-Listen, love, I'm sweet.
-Are you?

444
00:24:33,773 --> 00:24:36,900
Mid-40s with a belly hanging
over your jeans,

445
00:24:36,109 --> 00:24:39,979
a tiny **** and six weeks
to sort your life out?

446
00:24:40,460 --> 00:24:44,500
Yeah? At least I'm not the one
stuck in a ****ing toilet.

447
00:24:44,918 --> 00:24:47,554
Aren't you? [echoes]

448
00:24:51,570 --> 00:24:52,225
Yeah, all right.

449
00:24:53,460 --> 00:24:55,962
Things ain't going too well
for me at the moment.

450
00:24:56,620 --> 00:24:57,464
Me neither.

451
00:24:57,964 --> 00:24:59,799
I used to have
something about me.

452
00:24:59,899 --> 00:25:03,269
I used to work in the lift
at the Hilton, Park Lane.

453
00:25:04,700 --> 00:25:06,206
I'm just a stain on society.

454
00:25:06,306 --> 00:25:08,875
No one wants my type around
anymore.

455
00:25:09,542 --> 00:25:11,344
My optics are all wrong.

456
00:25:12,846 --> 00:25:15,150
And no one will care
if I'm gone.

457
00:25:17,550 --> 00:25:19,819
**** it. You're probably right.

458
00:25:19,886 --> 00:25:23,857
I mean, look at the state
of you, you two-bob ****.

459
00:25:23,923 --> 00:25:25,692
[sniffs]

460
00:25:27,394 --> 00:25:28,928
[bird sings]

461
00:25:37,103 --> 00:25:38,638
[man] Do you think he's OK?

462
00:25:40,507 --> 00:25:42,342
He looks dead.

463
00:25:42,442 --> 00:25:44,377
Chance'd be a fine thing.

464
00:25:44,477 --> 00:25:45,712
Do you know him?

465
00:25:47,147 --> 00:25:50,500
Christ. I'm sorry.
Is there anything that I can do?

466
00:25:50,150 --> 00:25:51,851
Hmm. Kill him and marry me.

467
00:25:52,919 --> 00:25:55,880
It was a joke, mate.

468
00:25:55,188 --> 00:25:56,556
Sort of.

469
00:25:56,623 --> 00:25:58,858
-Oi. Oi!
-[kicks doorframe]

470
00:25:58,925 --> 00:26:02,896
-Dinlo. All right?
-What's the time, babe?

471
00:26:02,962 --> 00:26:04,664
Oh, morning, darling, it's, uh,

472
00:26:04,764 --> 00:26:07,734
just coming up to
you're an absolute **** o'clock.

473
00:26:07,801 --> 00:26:09,102
****.

474
00:26:13,707 --> 00:26:15,175
[Dani] ****'s sake.

475
00:26:15,275 --> 00:26:17,777
Probation have got me
a job interview today.

476
00:26:18,111 --> 00:26:19,746
I ain't going to tell you
to change, Jack,

477
00:26:19,846 --> 00:26:21,648
cos I can't bear
the disappointment.

478
00:26:21,715 --> 00:26:22,816
But I can tell you

479
00:26:22,882 --> 00:26:25,318
you won't be coming home
to a warm bed for much longer.

480
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:28,521
Wish me luck.

481
00:26:28,588 --> 00:26:30,890
I'd sooner Harvey Weinstein
tried to **** me.

482
00:26:55,749 --> 00:26:57,484
I'm gonna make her proud.

483
00:26:57,550 --> 00:27:01,421
No more ****ie, no more booze,
no more fighting.

484
00:27:01,521 --> 00:27:02,856
It's all behind me.

485
00:27:02,922 --> 00:27:06,192
I know I can become
a productive member of society.

486
00:27:06,259 --> 00:27:08,294
You just watch me go.

487
00:27:10,497 --> 00:27:11,731
What can I get you?

488
00:27:13,990 --> 00:27:14,968
[soft music playing]

489
00:27:24,210 --> 00:27:25,979
[exhales]

490
00:27:30,917 --> 00:27:33,530
[woman laughing]

491
00:27:35,522 --> 00:27:38,291
So, what you been up to
before this, matey?

492
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:40,927
Bit of ****ie,
couple of pingers, dab of K,

493
00:27:41,270 --> 00:27:42,796
some Valium
washed down with lager.

494
00:27:42,896 --> 00:27:44,970
But no brown.

495
00:27:44,164 --> 00:27:46,833
So, why Ledge magazine, Jase?

496
00:27:46,933 --> 00:27:48,635
Jack.

497
00:27:51,304 --> 00:27:53,173
Sorry, matey,
I had a massive night.

498
00:27:56,142 --> 00:27:58,645
I just need a job,
I don't care what I do.

499
00:28:00,113 --> 00:28:01,915
Want to feign interest
in worthy causes,

500
00:28:02,150 --> 00:28:03,516
overshare your life on Instagram

501
00:28:03,583 --> 00:28:05,652
and vilify people
from privileged backgrounds?

502
00:28:07,887 --> 00:28:11,291
I'm only joking. [laughs]

503
00:28:11,391 --> 00:28:14,294
No, I've got
the perfect opening for you.

504
00:28:14,394 --> 00:28:15,762
Like this brogue,

505
00:28:16,963 --> 00:28:19,399
each of you sees
and feels the world...

506
00:28:20,333 --> 00:28:21,501
in a unique way.

507
00:28:22,302 --> 00:28:25,500
Your own interpretation.

508
00:28:26,139 --> 00:28:27,674
And that's what I'm looking for.

509
00:28:30,510 --> 00:28:33,346
And just a reminder
about our show coming up

510
00:28:33,413 --> 00:28:36,716
where we invite friends
and family to critique our work.

511
00:28:36,816 --> 00:28:39,886
I bet the idea of judgement
fills you all with dread.

512
00:28:39,986 --> 00:28:42,880
Well, better get used to it.

513
00:28:43,390 --> 00:28:46,393
Now, I want you to pick a theme.

514
00:28:46,459 --> 00:28:49,429
Movement or love.

515
00:28:50,230 --> 00:28:51,931
Interpret it however you wish.

516
00:28:51,998 --> 00:28:54,667
And remember,
the toughest thing in art,

517
00:28:54,768 --> 00:28:56,636
much like in life,

518
00:28:58,710 --> 00:28:59,839
is to be your authentic self.

519
00:29:01,975 --> 00:29:03,710
Find your voice.

520
00:29:06,546 --> 00:29:09,382
Right. Ten-minute coffee break
for those of you that smoke.

521
00:29:10,650 --> 00:29:12,752
Though I'm not sure
anyone does anymore.

522
00:29:15,722 --> 00:29:18,291
I'm a ghost.
They don't even know I'm here.

523
00:29:18,391 --> 00:29:20,193
And why should they?

524
00:29:20,260 --> 00:29:22,195
I'm just a fat ****
serving muffins

525
00:29:22,262 --> 00:29:24,230
with nothing to crow about
apart from eczema

526
00:29:24,297 --> 00:29:25,665
and a few convictions.

527
00:29:25,765 --> 00:29:28,134
I should be ashamed,
yet I feel superior,

528
00:29:28,234 --> 00:29:30,700
like I'm above
these little millennial...

529
00:29:30,136 --> 00:29:33,206
-[bangs counter]
-Yo. Pain au chocolat, cuz.

530
00:29:33,306 --> 00:29:36,676
-How about a please, cuz?
-How about a pain au chocolat?

531
00:29:43,883 --> 00:29:45,510
Uh, tongs.

532
00:29:52,250 --> 00:29:53,526
That's it.

533
00:29:58,832 --> 00:29:59,966
Safe, cuz.

534
00:30:07,841 --> 00:30:09,442
****ing old boy over here
piped up.

535
00:30:09,509 --> 00:30:10,543
Did he?

536
00:30:10,643 --> 00:30:12,445
Yeah, he's got a bit
of an attitude, you know?

537
00:30:12,512 --> 00:30:13,713
Getting a right zig

538
00:30:13,813 --> 00:30:16,349
cleaning up after these
snowflake shit ****s.

539
00:30:16,416 --> 00:30:19,519
Next one that gets lemon
is gonna get stretched out.

540
00:30:19,586 --> 00:30:21,855
Know the feeling, mate.

541
00:30:21,921 --> 00:30:23,556
So what brings you here, Jack?

542
00:30:23,623 --> 00:30:26,590
Always wanted to serve
entitled children.

543
00:30:26,793 --> 00:30:28,280
Oh, yeah?

544
00:30:29,229 --> 00:30:31,598
-Desperation.
-Hmm!

545
00:30:31,664 --> 00:30:33,566
Try six months in this gaff.

546
00:30:33,633 --> 00:30:35,602
It's spinning my nut, mush.

547
00:30:35,669 --> 00:30:37,570
Why do I feel
completely ****ing irrelevant?

548
00:30:37,637 --> 00:30:41,274
Cos you are. We both are.

549
00:30:41,341 --> 00:30:43,376
There's a new world
sailing past us

550
00:30:43,476 --> 00:30:45,645
and we're merely spectators.

551
00:30:45,712 --> 00:30:48,480
On the government's
least-wanted list.

552
00:30:49,490 --> 00:30:51,818
Not just white people, you know?
Huh?

553
00:30:52,385 --> 00:30:53,486
Here y'are.

554
00:30:55,622 --> 00:30:56,956
What's up, my negro?

555
00:31:06,833 --> 00:31:08,334
You know what?

556
00:31:09,269 --> 00:31:11,171
I ain't nobody's negro.

557
00:31:21,214 --> 00:31:22,415
Here we go, look who it is.

558
00:31:22,515 --> 00:31:24,851
-I am no one's ****ing negro!
-[shouting]

559
00:31:24,918 --> 00:31:26,152
Come on!

560
00:31:28,788 --> 00:31:30,223
[shouting continues]

561
00:31:44,104 --> 00:31:47,841
Right, enough! Get off him!

562
00:31:48,541 --> 00:31:50,430
[panting]

563
00:31:50,143 --> 00:31:51,277
[sirens wail]

564
00:31:51,344 --> 00:31:53,546
I was meaning
to hand my notice in anyway.

565
00:31:56,549 --> 00:31:58,585
I appreciate your help, though.

566
00:31:59,419 --> 00:32:01,688
Ooh! My negro.

567
00:32:03,890 --> 00:32:07,193
I'm out of here.
Before the Babylon men show up.

568
00:32:08,261 --> 00:32:10,730
[twinkling sounds]

569
00:32:20,707 --> 00:32:22,142
Spare some change, please, mate.

570
00:32:23,176 --> 00:32:25,145
I promise I'm not on drugs.

571
00:32:26,112 --> 00:32:27,580
You sure?

572
00:32:27,681 --> 00:32:30,160
Well, maybe just
a little dabble.

573
00:32:31,384 --> 00:32:32,519
Fill your boots.

574
00:32:34,888 --> 00:32:37,457
Oh, I ****ing love you!

575
00:32:42,595 --> 00:32:44,631
[indistinct chatter]

576
00:33:07,754 --> 00:33:09,220
I think I'll choose love,

577
00:33:09,890 --> 00:33:12,459
just cos my mind goes blank
when I think about movement.

578
00:33:12,559 --> 00:33:16,763
Doesn't have to be literal.
Could be a soul, a feeling.

579
00:33:19,566 --> 00:33:22,235
Could mean immigration.
Movement of people.

580
00:33:22,936 --> 00:33:25,271
I find that a bit obvious,
if I'm honest, Vaughn.

581
00:33:25,338 --> 00:33:27,340
Just cos it's more topical
than love.

582
00:33:31,344 --> 00:33:32,645
Got a class WhatsApp group

583
00:33:32,712 --> 00:33:34,681
if you want
to stick yourself on it.

584
00:33:35,248 --> 00:33:36,816
Just to stay connected.

585
00:33:37,650 --> 00:33:40,353
Sometimes we all meet up,
go to a gallery.

586
00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:42,455
Just talk rubbish.

587
00:33:43,556 --> 00:33:45,392
I'm not sure you'd get me
to a gallery

588
00:33:45,458 --> 00:33:47,427
but I'm good at talking rubbish.

589
00:33:50,630 --> 00:33:52,980
Well...

590
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:55,568
Better get back in.

591
00:33:57,303 --> 00:33:58,972
The youth will gossip.

592
00:34:08,982 --> 00:34:10,483
[phone pings]

593
00:34:24,998 --> 00:34:27,734
[♪ "China in Your Hand"
by T'Pau]

594
00:34:27,801 --> 00:34:29,502
[barman] You all right, Jack?

595
00:34:29,903 --> 00:34:32,939
Cor, **** me. You look like
you've had a bit of agg, mate.

596
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:36,476
What you drinking? Lager?

597
00:34:38,812 --> 00:34:40,146
Spirits?

598
00:34:42,916 --> 00:34:45,485
Or something
with a little more oomph?

599
00:34:47,387 --> 00:34:48,388
There you are.

600
00:34:49,289 --> 00:34:50,890
Oh.

601
00:34:50,957 --> 00:34:52,392
Get on that.

602
00:34:52,459 --> 00:34:53,760
There's enough in there

603
00:34:53,860 --> 00:34:56,996
to get Keith Richards
on the ****ing dance floor.

604
00:34:57,970 --> 00:34:58,498
Go on, take your pick.

605
00:35:04,871 --> 00:35:06,940
-Oh.
-[door opens]

606
00:35:13,213 --> 00:35:15,315
Bit old for CP Company,
aren't you, lad?

607
00:35:18,218 --> 00:35:19,686
Oh, what, this?
It was a present.

608
00:35:19,753 --> 00:35:21,588
I wouldn't buy this, mate.
I'm in me forties.

609
00:35:21,688 --> 00:35:23,423
What team do you support?

610
00:35:23,523 --> 00:35:25,892
I'm not into football. You?

611
00:35:25,959 --> 00:35:27,360
Tranmere.

612
00:35:29,796 --> 00:35:30,930
Long way from home.

613
00:35:30,997 --> 00:35:34,934
Looking for someone. Was told
we might find him in here.

614
00:35:37,170 --> 00:35:39,506
Eye for an eye, and all that,
innit?

615
00:35:45,110 --> 00:35:46,913
This your local, lad?

616
00:35:47,130 --> 00:35:49,416
Nah, I'm just grafting
round here.

617
00:35:50,350 --> 00:35:52,552
-I'm from Woking.
-[laughter]

618
00:35:52,652 --> 00:35:56,556
****ing Woking, lad? That where
all the woke people are from?

619
00:35:56,623 --> 00:35:58,224
[chuckles] That's hilarious.

620
00:36:04,230 --> 00:36:06,132
[barman] Anyway,
thanks for the quote, mate.

621
00:36:06,232 --> 00:36:09,169
If we need any new barrels,
I'll, uh... I'll get in touch.

622
00:36:09,269 --> 00:36:10,270
Lovely.

623
00:36:10,337 --> 00:36:14,400
-All right, what you drinking?
-Five lagers, please, mate.

624
00:36:14,140 --> 00:36:15,475
Kenny Boy,
don't go near the Fox.

625
00:36:15,542 --> 00:36:16,776
I'm coming round to see ya

626
00:36:16,843 --> 00:36:20,347
Kenny Boy, answer the ****ing
phone, for ****'s sake.

627
00:36:21,348 --> 00:36:23,160
Kenny Boy!

628
00:36:25,118 --> 00:36:26,820
Kenny and Buzz,
Kenny and Buzz...

629
00:36:26,886 --> 00:36:29,656
****in' done? ****!

630
00:36:32,250 --> 00:36:33,260
Buzz Aldrin on the moon.

631
00:36:33,930 --> 00:36:35,950
You need to get him to
go to the moon, Kenny.

632
00:36:39,699 --> 00:36:41,935
You all right, boy? Eh?

633
00:36:45,538 --> 00:36:46,740
Come here. Come here.

634
00:36:46,806 --> 00:36:49,275
Come on, come here. That's...
Come here, that's it, mate.

635
00:36:49,376 --> 00:36:51,411
Right, here you are. Eat these.

636
00:36:51,478 --> 00:36:53,279
Here you are, come here.
That's it.

637
00:36:53,346 --> 00:36:54,514
That's it, eat that. Eat 'em.

638
00:36:54,681 --> 00:37:00,420
Kenny and Buzz. Kenny and Buzz.
Kenny and Buzz.

639
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:02,622
Don't you worry.
I'm here for you.

640
00:37:02,722 --> 00:37:05,580
I ain't gonna leave ya.

641
00:37:05,125 --> 00:37:08,561
-Breathe. Breathe.
-[phone buzzes]

642
00:37:13,133 --> 00:37:16,269
[♪ "Miracle" by Adriatique
and WhoMadeWho]

643
00:37:20,140 --> 00:37:21,374
[Roger] Jack, I love you,

644
00:37:21,474 --> 00:37:24,477
but I ain't got a ****ing clue
what you're talking about, mate.

645
00:37:24,544 --> 00:37:26,746
He was laying on
the ****ing penny having a fit

646
00:37:26,846 --> 00:37:29,416
when I got round there,
the poor ****.

647
00:37:29,516 --> 00:37:31,685
-He's proper ill.
-Who?

648
00:37:31,751 --> 00:37:35,210
-Kenny Boy.
-Yeah? Got a note on ya?

649
00:37:36,423 --> 00:37:38,458
I only flew round there
cos the Tranmere lot,

650
00:37:38,558 --> 00:37:40,126
they was up the Fox
looking for him.

651
00:37:41,940 --> 00:37:43,730
He's opened up
one of their boys bad, mate.

652
00:37:47,934 --> 00:37:52,138
[coughs] **** me, my mouth's
dryer than a nun's muff.

653
00:37:52,205 --> 00:37:54,274
Hold tight,
I'm going to the john.

654
00:37:59,212 --> 00:38:01,915
Deano, get your nose
in the trough, mush.

655
00:38:05,552 --> 00:38:07,530
[indistinct arguing]

656
00:38:07,153 --> 00:38:09,923
You? ****ie?

657
00:38:10,230 --> 00:38:12,125
No, I'm sweet, boys.
I... I'm gonna slip.

658
00:38:12,225 --> 00:38:14,600
You know,
I promised my old woman.

659
00:38:15,362 --> 00:38:19,399
We've got, um... couples
self-help group in the morning.

660
00:38:19,466 --> 00:38:22,235
Yeah? Deano's been
going to them, uh,

661
00:38:22,302 --> 00:38:24,671
Narcotics Anonymous meetings,
ain't ya, mate?

662
00:38:24,771 --> 00:38:25,839
Yeah.

663
00:38:25,939 --> 00:38:27,774
Doing him the ****ing
world of good, innit?

664
00:38:27,841 --> 00:38:29,476
[laughs]

665
00:38:29,542 --> 00:38:31,444
See that tricky mug over there?

666
00:38:31,511 --> 00:38:34,414
Just tried tripping me up.
****ing liberty.

667
00:38:35,515 --> 00:38:37,584
Straight! Where are they from?

668
00:38:37,684 --> 00:38:39,552
Look like ****in' squaddies.

669
00:38:39,652 --> 00:38:42,288
Drop 'em out, Vin.
I don't wanna get nicked.

670
00:38:46,426 --> 00:38:48,695
Vin, I've already broke
me court order.

671
00:38:48,762 --> 00:38:50,830
I'll go straight to the shovel,
mate.

672
00:38:52,966 --> 00:38:55,735
-****in' boom, Vin.
-**** it.

673
00:38:57,971 --> 00:38:59,973
[indistinct shouting]

674
00:39:24,964 --> 00:39:27,567
[snores]

675
00:39:29,336 --> 00:39:31,710
****'s sake, Dad, wake up!

676
00:39:31,137 --> 00:39:33,600
You're supposed to be
taking me to Granddad's

677
00:39:33,106 --> 00:39:35,608
so I can have a McDonald's
and watch The Exorcist

678
00:39:35,675 --> 00:39:38,478
while you go to couples
workshop and save your marriage.

679
00:39:43,917 --> 00:39:46,252
-You're quiet.
-Hmm.

680
00:39:46,353 --> 00:39:49,289
[music plays from JJ's game]

681
00:39:53,626 --> 00:39:55,929
I didn't think
it'd come to this.

682
00:39:55,995 --> 00:39:57,630
I imagined we'd spend
our weekends

683
00:39:57,731 --> 00:40:01,568
-considering suicide in Ikea.
-[laughs]

684
00:40:04,337 --> 00:40:05,638
[phone rings]

685
00:40:05,705 --> 00:40:07,140
[Jack] Oh, for ****'s sake.

686
00:40:07,207 --> 00:40:09,109
I need him like a hole
in the head at the moment.

687
00:40:09,175 --> 00:40:12,145
Oh, don't tell him I'm with you,
he gets all didgey round me.

688
00:40:13,460 --> 00:40:15,849
Kenny Boy. How are ya, mate?

689
00:40:15,915 --> 00:40:18,852
I'm sweet now, mate.
Just finishing me cathedral.

690
00:40:20,854 --> 00:40:22,550
Look, I know I'm not well

691
00:40:22,122 --> 00:40:24,691
and everyone would rather
wash their hands of me,

692
00:40:24,758 --> 00:40:28,228
but it really matters to me
that you're there.

693
00:40:28,294 --> 00:40:29,963
I ****ing mean it.

694
00:40:33,833 --> 00:40:36,936
I ain't got no one else in this
world, Jack, apart from you.

695
00:40:37,300 --> 00:40:39,105
****ing no one.

696
00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:42,442
So thank you, mate.

697
00:40:45,211 --> 00:40:46,546
I love you, geez.

698
00:40:49,249 --> 00:40:51,151
Yeah, I love you too, mate.
I love you too.

699
00:40:59,726 --> 00:41:01,227
I'm proud of you, Jack.

700
00:41:02,796 --> 00:41:05,650
You're the only one
who stood on for him.

701
00:41:06,599 --> 00:41:09,302
My dad gave up years ago, and...

702
00:41:09,402 --> 00:41:11,638
Well, I can't say anything,
can I? Cos you know...

703
00:41:13,273 --> 00:41:14,274
But you...

704
00:41:17,110 --> 00:41:19,512
Although I do wonder
why you won't help yourself.

705
00:41:22,716 --> 00:41:23,717
Here.

706
00:41:27,354 --> 00:41:30,457
Babe, I forgot to ask,
how did your job interview go?

707
00:41:31,124 --> 00:41:33,293
-They ****in' loved me.
-[chuckles]

708
00:41:33,393 --> 00:41:35,528
[chuckles] How was your day?

709
00:41:36,796 --> 00:41:40,567
Yeah. I went back to yoga.

710
00:41:40,633 --> 00:41:42,602
My tree pose is terrible,

711
00:41:42,669 --> 00:41:44,971
and my back's ****ed.

712
00:41:45,380 --> 00:41:47,640
I just can't seem to
get my leg over anymore.

713
00:41:47,707 --> 00:41:49,943
[JJ] Sounds like Daddy.

714
00:41:55,148 --> 00:41:56,383
Celery, Ron.

715
00:41:56,483 --> 00:42:00,253
It's been suggested that we ween
him off of ultra-processed food.

716
00:42:00,353 --> 00:42:02,880
I've got Deliveroo
turning up in a minute

717
00:42:02,188 --> 00:42:03,723
with a couple of
****ing Big Macs.

718
00:42:03,790 --> 00:42:05,250
No, McDonald's is sweet.

719
00:42:05,910 --> 00:42:08,280
It's all that other shit you
gotta avoid. Know what I mean?

720
00:42:08,940 --> 00:42:10,797
So what goes on
at this workshop then, eh?

721
00:42:10,897 --> 00:42:14,501
Full of ****ing rug munchers
and flids, I bet.

722
00:42:14,601 --> 00:42:16,736
I'm just keeping me nut down,
Ron.

723
00:42:16,803 --> 00:42:18,371
Got to shoot off,
we're gonna be late.

724
00:42:18,471 --> 00:42:19,973
Yeah, yeah, sweet.

725
00:42:20,874 --> 00:42:23,143
So what's the apple
with my Kenny Boy, eh?

726
00:42:24,310 --> 00:42:25,545
Good as gold.

727
00:42:26,846 --> 00:42:30,183
Yeah?
So what you been up to then?

728
00:42:31,685 --> 00:42:33,386
I won't tell him about
the breakdown

729
00:42:33,486 --> 00:42:35,255
cos I know he don't give a ****.

730
00:42:37,424 --> 00:42:39,893
Chillaxing, really.

731
00:42:41,628 --> 00:42:44,931
Don't you take my kindness
for weakness, do you hear me?

732
00:42:44,998 --> 00:42:47,467
I could take the roof away
from over your head

733
00:42:47,567 --> 00:42:49,436
in a ****ing heartbeat.

734
00:42:50,570 --> 00:42:55,642
Anything happens to my Kenny
Boy... you're bang in trouble.

735
00:42:55,709 --> 00:42:59,179
Got it. He's safe with me, Ron.

736
00:43:01,715 --> 00:43:03,650
Chillaxing, the saucy ****.

737
00:43:09,556 --> 00:43:12,859
I think I'd probably be...
the Hulk,

738
00:43:12,926 --> 00:43:15,995
cos I have, like, a real issue
expressing my anger,

739
00:43:16,960 --> 00:43:20,100
and... when it does come out,
I go like metaphorically

740
00:43:20,166 --> 00:43:23,770
****ing green, and just feel
wildly out of control.

741
00:43:27,340 --> 00:43:28,842
Shall we give him
a round of applause?

742
00:43:28,942 --> 00:43:30,944
[applause]

743
00:43:35,150 --> 00:43:38,485
That is a wonderfully visceral
description of your anger, Lyle.

744
00:43:38,551 --> 00:43:41,855
Well done.
We welcome your honesty.

745
00:43:43,230 --> 00:43:45,525
And, Fi, would you like to
say anything to Lyle,

746
00:43:45,592 --> 00:43:49,262
in the spirit of openness
and generosity?

747
00:43:49,362 --> 00:43:51,965
Um... I see you, my husband.

748
00:43:52,650 --> 00:43:55,101
And it's OK
to express your anger.

749
00:43:55,168 --> 00:43:59,472
I'm scared...
but I'm held in this moment.

750
00:44:01,174 --> 00:44:05,345
Now, as a group,
we hold this space...

751
00:44:05,445 --> 00:44:09,149
as we close our eyes
and we breathe.

752
00:44:09,215 --> 00:44:13,153
[group inhales deeply]

753
00:44:13,219 --> 00:44:15,622
[they exhale]

754
00:44:25,265 --> 00:44:26,266
Gareth.

755
00:44:26,332 --> 00:44:29,200
Gareth, have you thought about
who your superhero might be?

756
00:44:29,102 --> 00:44:30,236
Hm-hmm.

757
00:44:34,174 --> 00:44:36,876
I feel like the Invisible Man.
[sighs]

758
00:44:39,546 --> 00:44:40,880
This is what ten years in prison

759
00:44:40,980 --> 00:44:43,830
with Prince Harry
would feel like.

760
00:44:46,653 --> 00:44:48,621
I transferred to Edinburgh
to finish my masters,

761
00:44:48,722 --> 00:44:51,257
cos I found social sciences
at Bristol overly politicised

762
00:44:51,358 --> 00:44:53,590
-if I'm honest.
-I know, right?

763
00:44:53,126 --> 00:44:55,428
I was doing English lit,
and in the second year,

764
00:44:55,528 --> 00:44:57,464
the syllabus focused on
post-colonial reading,

765
00:44:57,564 --> 00:45:00,233
and I was like, I came here
to learn Shakespeare, bro.

766
00:45:00,300 --> 00:45:02,969
-And hunt chicks, of course.
-[chuckles]

767
00:45:04,104 --> 00:45:05,505
What about you, Jack?

768
00:45:08,174 --> 00:45:10,377
-What's that, mate?
-Where did you study?

769
00:45:12,946 --> 00:45:15,382
Your lot don't bother with uni,
do they, Jack?

770
00:45:15,849 --> 00:45:17,851
School of life, blood.

771
00:45:17,917 --> 00:45:20,720
Anyway...
[continues indistinctly]

772
00:45:20,820 --> 00:45:23,890
Dani, I want you to tell Jack
what you want from him.

773
00:45:25,892 --> 00:45:27,270
[Dani chuckles]

774
00:45:27,930 --> 00:45:30,797
-Don't make me laugh.
-I'm not, I swear. All right?

775
00:45:30,897 --> 00:45:32,399
-Go on.
-**** off.

776
00:45:35,769 --> 00:45:37,303
[group leader]
In your own time, Dani.

777
00:45:41,307 --> 00:45:42,609
[sighs]

778
00:45:44,811 --> 00:45:46,880
I want you to babysit.

779
00:45:50,150 --> 00:45:52,519
I mean, I wouldn't bother
asking for anything else,

780
00:45:52,585 --> 00:45:54,954
cos it'd be a waste of time.

781
00:45:55,550 --> 00:45:58,124
There's no point in asking you
to be more attentive,

782
00:45:58,224 --> 00:46:01,695
or... not so ****ing defensive.

783
00:46:01,761 --> 00:46:04,631
Stop telling me how to
run my life better, or...

784
00:46:05,565 --> 00:46:07,934
show a bit of compassion
when I'm struggling.

785
00:46:09,469 --> 00:46:10,837
To give a single ****ing ****

786
00:46:10,937 --> 00:46:13,139
when I'm pre-menstrual
or ill or whatever.

787
00:46:13,840 --> 00:46:16,309
No, I don't expect any of that
anymore.

788
00:46:17,310 --> 00:46:20,213
I just want you to babysit
so I can have a night off.

789
00:46:21,681 --> 00:46:22,982
Yeah.

790
00:46:27,921 --> 00:46:30,560
And Jack, what do you
wanna say to Dani?

791
00:46:38,231 --> 00:46:39,299
What night?

792
00:46:40,767 --> 00:46:42,680
What night, what?

793
00:46:42,135 --> 00:46:43,470
What night
do you want me to babysit?

794
00:46:43,570 --> 00:46:46,840
Cos we've got Yeovil, so...

795
00:46:48,775 --> 00:46:54,470
I think Dani meant generally,
Jack. Unless I misread that?

796
00:46:54,147 --> 00:46:55,215
[scoffs]

797
00:46:56,883 --> 00:46:58,852
How does that make you feel,
Dani?

798
00:46:59,853 --> 00:47:02,555
Is being a massive ****
a feeling?

799
00:47:12,650 --> 00:47:13,800
I've got something else
to tell ya.

800
00:47:16,936 --> 00:47:18,104
I didn't go yoga.

801
00:47:21,708 --> 00:47:23,476
I went back to art college.

802
00:47:27,213 --> 00:47:29,516
Well, I've got something
to tell you an' all.

803
00:47:34,154 --> 00:47:35,622
I'm proud of ya.

804
00:47:41,795 --> 00:47:44,464
And I won't go to football
if you don't want me to.

805
00:47:45,932 --> 00:47:48,668
**** it. I'm done with it.

806
00:47:59,346 --> 00:48:02,248
I'd, uh, like to lay down
a challenge.

807
00:48:02,349 --> 00:48:05,819
I want you to consider
going back to the place

808
00:48:05,885 --> 00:48:06,920
you had your first date.

809
00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:08,455
[chuckles]

810
00:48:08,555 --> 00:48:09,556
[group leader chuckles]

811
00:48:11,591 --> 00:48:14,761
Now, it's unlikely
you'll feel the same emotions

812
00:48:14,861 --> 00:48:17,163
as you did when you first met,

813
00:48:17,263 --> 00:48:20,266
but trust the process
is all I ask, and...

814
00:48:21,401 --> 00:48:22,936
you might be surprised.

815
00:48:41,688 --> 00:48:43,490
[♪ "How Deep is Your Love"
by The Bee Gees]

816
00:48:48,895 --> 00:48:51,640
[Jack] Thinking the boys would
give me a hero's welcome

817
00:48:51,164 --> 00:48:54,100
for staying sober proved to be
a considerable mistake.

818
00:48:54,200 --> 00:48:56,870
Instead, I was made to feel
about as welcome as Andrew Tate

819
00:48:56,936 --> 00:48:59,606
at the Ipswich *******s'
annual vegan lunch.

820
00:49:06,379 --> 00:49:07,947
No Kenny Boy?

821
00:49:08,140 --> 00:49:10,750
He mentioned something about
having sushi with Buzz Aldrin.

822
00:49:25,980 --> 00:49:26,766
-Lager for Vinny.
-Ta, mate.

823
00:49:28,101 --> 00:49:29,669
-Lager for Deano.
-Ta, mate.

824
00:49:30,770 --> 00:49:33,373
Lager for Roger. That's me.

825
00:49:36,976 --> 00:49:39,612
-Pear juice for Jack.
-Sweet, Rog.

826
00:49:41,281 --> 00:49:46,152
You, uh... you coming football?
We got Yeovil.

827
00:49:46,252 --> 00:49:47,987
[slurps drink]

828
00:49:51,658 --> 00:49:54,494
[slurping continues]

829
00:50:02,268 --> 00:50:03,703
I'm gonna have a lag.

830
00:50:06,806 --> 00:50:09,420
**** me, the geezer's
completely gone.

831
00:50:09,109 --> 00:50:11,611
-It's worse than I thought.
-He's shot to bits.

832
00:50:11,711 --> 00:50:14,214
-Totally weighed in.
-Absolute shit ****.

833
00:50:14,280 --> 00:50:16,449
It's embarrassing.
What are we gonna do?

834
00:50:16,516 --> 00:50:18,840
Don't worry about it.

835
00:50:18,151 --> 00:50:19,753
I left him a livener
in the khazi.

836
00:50:19,819 --> 00:50:21,421
[Roger] Straight?
What'd you give him?

837
00:50:21,488 --> 00:50:22,489
[Vinny] I taped a packet

838
00:50:22,589 --> 00:50:24,124
and a couple of pills
to the toilet wall.

839
00:50:24,190 --> 00:50:25,492
That'll liven the Jils up.

840
00:50:29,329 --> 00:50:30,797
That's friendship for ya.

841
00:50:30,864 --> 00:50:32,532
They think they're
doing you a favour,

842
00:50:32,599 --> 00:50:33,733
but they forgot how you

843
00:50:33,833 --> 00:50:36,360
almost wound up wanking off
bent vicars for readies,

844
00:50:36,102 --> 00:50:39,239
or selling your son's
christening presents for ****ie.

845
00:50:39,339 --> 00:50:41,241
They're not the ones
with a prison sentence

846
00:50:41,307 --> 00:50:43,430
hanging over their heads though,
are they?

847
00:51:13,873 --> 00:51:15,775
[sniffs]

848
00:51:15,875 --> 00:51:17,577
What's that?

849
00:51:19,779 --> 00:51:20,980
I dunno.

850
00:51:22,282 --> 00:51:24,351
Smells like pear juice.

851
00:51:36,696 --> 00:51:39,332
Dad, is Mum having an affair?

852
00:51:39,399 --> 00:51:41,735
I hope not.
What makes you say that?

853
00:51:41,835 --> 00:51:44,371
She said that if ever you
pick me up from school,

854
00:51:44,437 --> 00:51:47,374
it means she's either dead
or run off with another man.

855
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:49,476
-Uncle Kenny!
-[Kenny Boy] Hey.

856
00:51:52,112 --> 00:51:54,280
Kenny Boy, where you been?

857
00:51:54,347 --> 00:51:56,416
Working on myself.

858
00:51:56,483 --> 00:51:58,318
Is this good Kenny Boy
or bad Kenny Boy?

859
00:51:58,418 --> 00:52:00,820
Always good Kenny Boy.

860
00:52:00,920 --> 00:52:02,589
It wants to be an' all.

861
00:52:02,655 --> 00:52:05,892
♪ First day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me

862
00:52:05,992 --> 00:52:09,462
♪ A partridge in a pear tree

863
00:52:09,529 --> 00:52:13,660
♪ Two, four, six, eight,
we don't want to radiate

864
00:52:13,166 --> 00:52:14,701
♪ Three, five, seven, nine

865
00:52:14,768 --> 00:52:16,936
♪ Stop the bomb
while we've still got time

866
00:52:17,370 --> 00:52:19,390
[Kenny imitates explosion,
laughs]

867
00:52:19,105 --> 00:52:21,740
So glad to see you, Uncle Kenny.

868
00:52:21,141 --> 00:52:22,642
Mum said you had
a mental breakdown

869
00:52:22,742 --> 00:52:24,911
and went completely
****ing spastic again.

870
00:52:24,978 --> 00:52:26,479
[laughs]

871
00:52:26,579 --> 00:52:31,117
[♪ "Swan Lake" by Tchaikovsky]

872
00:52:31,184 --> 00:52:33,319
That's your favourite airline,
Colombian Airlines,

873
00:52:33,420 --> 00:52:34,688
cos this is all you order,

874
00:52:34,788 --> 00:52:37,157
"I'd like to have
the ****ie with ****ie,

875
00:52:37,223 --> 00:52:39,359
and I'd like to season it
with ****ie."

876
00:52:39,459 --> 00:52:40,727
[Kenny laughs]

877
00:52:40,827 --> 00:52:44,297
[♪ "Walking on Sunshine"
by Katrina and the Waves]

878
00:52:45,865 --> 00:52:48,668
What you doing? I said
I'd let you drive us home.

879
00:52:48,735 --> 00:52:50,103
-Hold tight.
-[turns music off]

880
00:52:50,203 --> 00:52:51,738
See a man about a dog.

881
00:52:56,910 --> 00:52:58,878
Where's he going?

882
00:52:58,945 --> 00:53:02,148
[Jack] He's going ****ing
doolally is where he's going.

883
00:53:02,248 --> 00:53:03,249
[Jack sighs]

884
00:53:10,457 --> 00:53:11,458
All right, mate?

885
00:53:11,524 --> 00:53:13,660
What's happening, cuz?
You got any food?

886
00:53:13,727 --> 00:53:15,395
-What do you want, mate?
-The lot, ****.

887
00:53:15,495 --> 00:53:17,464
[man groans and yells]

888
00:53:23,103 --> 00:53:25,238
[Jack] ****in' hell,
they're two-handed.

889
00:53:27,107 --> 00:53:28,575
You stay here.
Do you understand me?

890
00:53:28,641 --> 00:53:29,809
You don't move.

891
00:53:32,450 --> 00:53:33,246
Dad?

892
00:53:38,418 --> 00:53:40,587
-[man 2] **** off!
-[Kenny Boy groans]

893
00:53:40,653 --> 00:53:42,989
-Prick! ****ing want some more?
-Oh, mate. Mate.

894
00:53:44,858 --> 00:53:46,993
[man 2 groans]

895
00:53:47,600 --> 00:53:48,461
[man 1] Come here.

896
00:53:53,767 --> 00:53:57,300
[Kenny Boy] ****s! [laughs]

897
00:53:59,105 --> 00:54:00,573
He's got a ****ing shooter!

898
00:54:00,640 --> 00:54:02,575
He's got a ****ing shooter!

899
00:54:06,479 --> 00:54:09,115
[gunshots]

900
00:54:11,251 --> 00:54:12,285
JJ!

901
00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:15,855
[Jack] ****ing run, boy! Run!

902
00:54:19,793 --> 00:54:22,195
I'm sorry. All right?
I'm sorry you had to see that.

903
00:54:22,295 --> 00:54:24,397
But you got to understand
that your Uncle Kenny Boy,

904
00:54:24,497 --> 00:54:26,332
he's ****ing doolally,
this geezer.

905
00:54:26,399 --> 00:54:28,435
What you can't do
is tell your mum.

906
00:54:28,535 --> 00:54:30,403
Cos if you tell your mum,
I get aimed out.

907
00:54:30,503 --> 00:54:31,771
We know what happens, don't we?

908
00:54:31,871 --> 00:54:35,275
-Yeah, I'll have a new dad.
-[laughs]

909
00:54:35,375 --> 00:54:38,411
That's it, we'll have a laugh
about this one day. All right?

910
00:54:38,478 --> 00:54:41,848
Not a word to your mum.
Not a word, all right?

911
00:54:41,948 --> 00:54:45,151
-And I'll get you a Big Mac.
-****ing Big Mac? That's it?

912
00:54:45,251 --> 00:54:47,754
All right, I'll get you
some edibles, an iPad code,

913
00:54:47,821 --> 00:54:49,989
laughing gas.

914
00:54:50,560 --> 00:54:51,891
I might even get you a brass.

915
00:54:53,360 --> 00:54:56,496
-That was a joke.
-[distant police siren]

916
00:55:01,768 --> 00:55:03,103
Good boy.

917
00:55:03,203 --> 00:55:05,238
[muffled]
Managed to stay out of trouble?

918
00:55:09,943 --> 00:55:11,811
You were barely in the job
five minutes...

919
00:55:11,911 --> 00:55:13,446
[normal]
..before a fight broke out.

920
00:55:13,546 --> 00:55:14,781
[Jack] I didn't start it.

921
00:55:14,848 --> 00:55:17,417
You're 45, not 11.

922
00:55:17,484 --> 00:55:20,620
And what was the reason
you didn't show up to therapy?

923
00:55:20,687 --> 00:55:22,255
Running battle with Tranmere.

924
00:55:23,523 --> 00:55:25,580
I had to look after
my brother-in-law.

925
00:55:25,158 --> 00:55:27,527
He's got mental health issues.

926
00:55:27,627 --> 00:55:30,363
It's called a court order
for a reason.

927
00:55:32,980 --> 00:55:34,734
You've got two weeks
before sentencing.

928
00:55:34,834 --> 00:55:36,102
Show me something, Jack,

929
00:55:36,202 --> 00:55:38,380
anything that will
make me believe you.

930
00:55:44,110 --> 00:55:46,946
[Jack] You never noticed
she was so stunning.

931
00:55:47,470 --> 00:55:49,150
Or maybe you just never noticed
anything at all.

932
00:55:49,115 --> 00:55:51,251
She had so many attributes
that were lost on you,

933
00:55:51,317 --> 00:55:54,821
but above all else,
she had kindness in her soul.

934
00:55:54,921 --> 00:55:57,691
which was odd seeing as her dad
was such a titanic ****

935
00:55:57,791 --> 00:56:00,160
and her brother was
a complete ****ing pothouse.

936
00:56:00,226 --> 00:56:02,280
Help me with these please, babe.

937
00:56:03,697 --> 00:56:06,399
Years of taking her for granted
had eroded that passion

938
00:56:06,499 --> 00:56:08,668
that burned so brightly.

939
00:56:08,735 --> 00:56:11,104
All that was left was
a love triangle between me,

940
00:56:11,204 --> 00:56:13,390
Dani and ****ie.

941
00:56:13,106 --> 00:56:14,908
But the idea of losing her
and living on my own

942
00:56:14,974 --> 00:56:16,276
in a one-bedder in Penge

943
00:56:16,376 --> 00:56:19,112
with just ****hub
and Nando's for company

944
00:56:19,212 --> 00:56:22,615
was about as appealing as
sitting on Gary Glitter's lap.

945
00:56:22,682 --> 00:56:23,817
There y'are.

946
00:56:27,487 --> 00:56:29,956
It's not lost on me,
what you're doing.

947
00:56:30,230 --> 00:56:32,559
-Why, what am I doing?
-[laughs] Stop fishing.

948
00:56:32,659 --> 00:56:34,794
-You know.
-You mean staying in,

949
00:56:34,861 --> 00:56:36,229
babysitting,
not going to football

950
00:56:36,329 --> 00:56:38,331
while you go to an art
exhibition with your mates?

951
00:56:38,398 --> 00:56:40,433
You make it less special
when you spell it out.

952
00:56:42,100 --> 00:56:43,200
I'm joking.

953
00:56:46,906 --> 00:56:49,209
Why are you dressed
as Jeremy Corbyn?

954
00:56:49,275 --> 00:56:51,244
I don't wanna look out of place.

955
00:56:53,913 --> 00:56:55,648
What am I gonna do
while you're out?

956
00:56:55,749 --> 00:56:57,917
What you normally do,
wank and play FIFA.

957
00:56:58,785 --> 00:57:01,870
Oh, crap. I'm late.

958
00:57:01,154 --> 00:57:03,356
Right, please make sure
he stays off his screens.

959
00:57:03,456 --> 00:57:04,991
You hear me? No screens.

960
00:57:05,580 --> 00:57:06,860
Yes.

961
00:57:06,960 --> 00:57:07,994
See ya, comrade.

962
00:57:14,267 --> 00:57:16,569
-You piece of shit!
-[gunshots]

963
00:57:18,271 --> 00:57:19,439
****!

964
00:57:25,979 --> 00:57:28,810
Aim better,
you ****ing piss-face.

965
00:57:28,148 --> 00:57:29,416
Shut your mouth.

966
00:57:29,482 --> 00:57:31,184
-You mug.
-You posh mug.

967
00:57:31,284 --> 00:57:32,819
-I'm not posh.
-Private school mug.

968
00:57:33,853 --> 00:57:34,954
Yes!

969
00:57:35,210 --> 00:57:37,123
[sound of vacuum cleaner]

970
00:57:40,960 --> 00:57:42,362
[cleaner makes grinding sound]

971
00:57:42,462 --> 00:57:44,197
****in' hell!

972
00:57:48,868 --> 00:57:49,903
-Oi.
-Eh?

973
00:57:50,300 --> 00:57:52,472
-Oi, let me go, you nonce.
-Nonce?

974
00:57:56,142 --> 00:57:58,912
Stupid. Don't... You never take
your eyes off your partner.

975
00:57:58,978 --> 00:58:00,460
-Oh, yeah?
-Eh?

976
00:58:00,113 --> 00:58:01,948
-What's that then?
-It's a muncher.

977
00:58:02,150 --> 00:58:04,317
You shut up before I put you
in the nose-bleeding zone.

978
00:58:11,658 --> 00:58:14,627
Tuppence. Fat, ****ing bald
tuppence ****.

979
00:58:16,620 --> 00:58:17,230
Greedy ****.

980
00:58:20,333 --> 00:58:22,669
On the dog, go on. Getcha!

981
00:58:22,736 --> 00:58:25,338
Yeah, watch out before
your absolute twig arms snap.

982
00:58:25,405 --> 00:58:28,908
You used to be a ****able ****,
now you're a fat, bald ****.

983
00:58:31,945 --> 00:58:33,313
****ing ashamed of yourself.

984
00:58:44,858 --> 00:58:46,626
It's your own ****ing fault.

985
00:59:01,808 --> 00:59:04,110
[laughs]

986
00:59:04,210 --> 00:59:05,779
Oh, yes.

987
00:59:07,914 --> 00:59:10,183
Love you, boy. I love ya.

988
00:59:14,621 --> 00:59:16,189
[kisses]

989
00:59:16,790 --> 00:59:18,692
[Jack] It's not the hard times
that get ya.

990
00:59:18,792 --> 00:59:20,560
It's not the pain
and the struggle.

991
00:59:20,660 --> 00:59:22,829
And it's not the adversity.

992
00:59:22,896 --> 00:59:25,498
It's normal life
that breaks ya.

993
00:59:39,479 --> 00:59:44,250
Dani, ****ie. ****ie, Dani.

994
00:59:52,125 --> 00:59:54,294
[chatter]

995
01:00:07,307 --> 01:00:08,308
[doorbell rings]

996
01:00:10,110 --> 01:00:13,146
-Hi.
-Very.

997
01:00:13,246 --> 01:00:15,682
We were wondering if you were
interested in joining our party.

998
01:00:16,416 --> 01:00:17,617
****, yeah.

999
01:00:17,684 --> 01:00:20,286
Splendid. We desperately want
your vote, and are offering

1000
01:00:20,353 --> 01:00:22,155
something radically different
to the others,

1001
01:00:22,255 --> 01:00:24,858
particularly in affordable
housing and green spaces.

1002
01:00:24,958 --> 01:00:27,894
Good. Now where's the party?

1003
01:00:37,704 --> 01:00:39,606
Oh, sorry,
you're a Labour member?

1004
01:00:39,706 --> 01:00:41,775
-No, I'm out of it.
-Fab.

1005
01:00:41,875 --> 01:00:43,576
Any chance we can
convince you to swing?

1006
01:00:43,643 --> 01:00:45,145
As long as you ain't got
any diseases.

1007
01:00:45,245 --> 01:00:47,480
Splendid. We desperately want
your vote and are offering

1008
01:00:47,580 --> 01:00:49,349
something radically different
to the others,

1009
01:00:49,449 --> 01:00:51,518
particularly in affordable
housing and green spaces.

1010
01:00:51,618 --> 01:00:53,420
Terrific.

1011
01:00:53,486 --> 01:00:54,988
Now get your Tory **** out.

1012
01:01:05,398 --> 01:01:06,533
[doorbell rings]

1013
01:01:06,599 --> 01:01:08,268
I suppose you're gonna
offer me something

1014
01:01:08,368 --> 01:01:10,700
radically different
from the others,

1015
01:01:10,170 --> 01:01:13,440
particularly in affordable
housing and green spaces.

1016
01:01:14,307 --> 01:01:17,577
No, uh, we're offering
recycled toilet paper.

1017
01:01:19,779 --> 01:01:20,914
Oh.

1018
01:01:25,685 --> 01:01:27,787
[laptop chimes]

1019
01:01:38,765 --> 01:01:40,333
[taps glass]

1020
01:01:40,400 --> 01:01:43,436
Ladies and gentlemen,
your attention, please.

1021
01:01:43,536 --> 01:01:47,240
It's now Libby's turn
to show you her work.

1022
01:01:47,307 --> 01:01:48,875
I chose movement

1023
01:01:48,942 --> 01:01:53,580
because immigration is something
that's really close to my heart.

1024
01:01:53,646 --> 01:01:56,683
I just totally think that there
are no borders in this world

1025
01:01:56,783 --> 01:01:59,819
and people should be able
to move freely.

1026
01:02:00,987 --> 01:02:04,457
And the fact that people escape
war zones to come to Britain

1027
01:02:04,524 --> 01:02:06,426
and are made to feel
like second-class citizens

1028
01:02:06,526 --> 01:02:08,928
really bothers me.

1029
01:02:11,310 --> 01:02:12,932
Libby, can you stop
looking at me, please?

1030
01:02:13,330 --> 01:02:14,801
I'm from ****ing Dagenham.

1031
01:02:17,437 --> 01:02:18,905
[loud chatter]

1032
01:02:18,972 --> 01:02:20,407
[Vaughn taps glass]

1033
01:02:20,473 --> 01:02:22,420
Your attention, please,
everyone.

1034
01:02:22,108 --> 01:02:25,345
It's now Dani's turn
to show you her work.

1035
01:02:31,551 --> 01:02:37,157
So... I chose love, because...

1036
01:02:39,693 --> 01:02:41,940
-Because...
-[crashing]

1037
01:02:44,597 --> 01:02:47,000
-[Jack groans]
-[man] Are you all right?

1038
01:02:49,690 --> 01:02:52,105
-Who's ****ing Vaughn? Eh?
-****in' hell.

1039
01:02:52,205 --> 01:02:53,707
Excuse me.

1040
01:02:53,773 --> 01:02:54,974
-Wanker!
-[gasping]

1041
01:02:55,750 --> 01:02:58,110
Wanker! Wanker! Wanker!

1042
01:03:00,580 --> 01:03:02,282
Wanker!

1043
01:03:02,349 --> 01:03:04,117
Now **** off out of here.

1044
01:03:05,685 --> 01:03:08,388
Roger, my old son,
I'm out me nut.

1045
01:03:08,488 --> 01:03:10,190
I need you
to call me on a bit of ****ie,

1046
01:03:10,290 --> 01:03:11,725
I want a couple of
blue diamonds,

1047
01:03:11,825 --> 01:03:13,259
some pingers,

1048
01:03:13,360 --> 01:03:15,495
something to help me
on the old downwards slope.

1049
01:03:18,998 --> 01:03:21,267
I think you've dialled
the wrong R.

1050
01:03:21,368 --> 01:03:24,104
-This isn't Roger.
-Oh, ****!

1051
01:03:24,871 --> 01:03:27,107
-I'm sorry, Ron.
-Don't worry about it, kiddo.

1052
01:03:27,207 --> 01:03:29,309
We all make ricks, don't we?

1053
01:03:29,409 --> 01:03:31,778
I mean, just look at me
and my Kenny Boy.

1054
01:03:31,845 --> 01:03:34,347
I've not exactly been
a guiding light for him, have I?

1055
01:03:34,447 --> 01:03:37,117
No, no, no, Ron, I think
you done the best you could,

1056
01:03:37,183 --> 01:03:38,551
given the circumstances.

1057
01:03:38,651 --> 01:03:40,720
Truth is, Jack, I've been
way out of my depth

1058
01:03:40,820 --> 01:03:42,722
since the missus left me
for a younger man.

1059
01:03:42,822 --> 01:03:45,558
Organic butcher, as it happens.

1060
01:03:45,658 --> 01:03:47,827
I've just gone and buried
my head in the sand.

1061
01:03:47,894 --> 01:03:51,331
Underneath it all,
I feel so much... so much shame.

1062
01:03:53,900 --> 01:03:56,703
I mean, I know that I ****ed
my Kenny Boy up with...

1063
01:03:56,770 --> 01:04:01,608
money
and... material possessions.

1064
01:04:01,708 --> 01:04:04,678
I just didn't give the boy
the one thing he needed, Jack.

1065
01:04:05,478 --> 01:04:09,816
All he wanted... was my love.

1066
01:04:12,852 --> 01:04:15,488
That's all he wanted.

1067
01:04:15,555 --> 01:04:18,958
I think you've dialled the
wrong R. This isn't Roger.

1068
01:04:19,250 --> 01:04:20,727
Oh, ****! I'm sorry, Ron.

1069
01:04:20,827 --> 01:04:23,229
You ****ing **** of sickness!

1070
01:04:23,329 --> 01:04:27,701
You've got the nerve to bell me
and ask for a bit of ****ie?

1071
01:04:27,767 --> 01:04:30,136
I ****in' hate you!

1072
01:04:30,236 --> 01:04:33,730
And if you think I'm gonna
tell you to liven yourself up,

1073
01:04:33,139 --> 01:04:34,441
well, you're ****ing wrong!

1074
01:04:34,541 --> 01:04:36,776
Cos I want you to
**** your life up.

1075
01:04:36,843 --> 01:04:38,812
I want you to flush it
down the khazi!

1076
01:04:38,912 --> 01:04:40,747
I want my ****ing Dani

1077
01:04:40,814 --> 01:04:43,850
to see what a ****ing wastrel
you are!

1078
01:04:43,950 --> 01:04:47,987
I want her to ****ing realise
she married a ****ing no-hoper,

1079
01:04:48,540 --> 01:04:50,890
a ****ing ponce,
a ****ing Jekyll,

1080
01:04:50,990 --> 01:04:52,492
a ****ing messer!

1081
01:04:52,559 --> 01:04:55,528
I'll show you messer,
you ginger ****.

1082
01:04:55,595 --> 01:04:58,198
[♪ "We've Only Just Begun"
by Lynn Anderson]

1083
01:05:08,908 --> 01:05:12,612
♪ We've only just begun

1084
01:05:12,679 --> 01:05:16,516
-Oi, oi, what's happening, son?
-♪ To live

1085
01:05:18,685 --> 01:05:20,320
-♪ White lace...
-Get in, son!

1086
01:05:20,387 --> 01:05:22,522
[♪ "Break 4 Luv" by Raze]

1087
01:05:41,708 --> 01:05:43,843
****in' hell, mate.

1088
01:05:43,943 --> 01:05:45,845
Have a bang on that, mush. Yeah?

1089
01:05:45,945 --> 01:05:47,514
Right, listen,
Yeovil are en route,

1090
01:05:47,614 --> 01:05:49,849
and they reckon they're gonna
smash up our boozer.

1091
01:05:49,949 --> 01:05:53,319
-You ****ing ready or what?
-Yeovil? I've shit these ****s.

1092
01:05:53,386 --> 01:05:54,988
-I've ****ing shit these ****s.
-Yeah?

1093
01:05:55,550 --> 01:05:57,230
****ing ready then, yeah?
Yeah?

1094
01:05:57,123 --> 01:05:59,192
[both] You're just
a ****ing wanker!

1095
01:05:59,259 --> 01:06:01,227
You're just a ****ing wanker!

1096
01:06:03,563 --> 01:06:04,564
[Vaughn] Dani!

1097
01:06:05,565 --> 01:06:07,500
-Dani, come on.
-No.

1098
01:06:07,567 --> 01:06:10,537
Dani, come on.
Oh, come and have a boogie.

1099
01:06:12,639 --> 01:06:15,375
-Please.
-Oh, **** it.

1100
01:06:16,910 --> 01:06:19,312
-[Vaughn] Yeah!
-[cheering]

1101
01:06:23,516 --> 01:06:27,454
[indistinct chatter]

1102
01:06:27,520 --> 01:06:31,725
♪ And when the evening comes

1103
01:06:31,825 --> 01:06:35,161
♪ We smile

1104
01:06:36,529 --> 01:06:40,767
♪ So much of life ahead

1105
01:06:42,369 --> 01:06:48,141
♪ We'll find a place
where there's room to grow

1106
01:06:48,241 --> 01:06:50,760
♪ And yes, we've just be...

1107
01:06:50,143 --> 01:06:52,412
-[♪ "Break 4 Love" by Raze]
-[Dani] Whoo!

1108
01:07:10,764 --> 01:07:12,599
[voices approaching]

1109
01:07:12,699 --> 01:07:14,567
Yeah, so keep your ****ing eyes
peeled, boys.

1110
01:07:18,138 --> 01:07:19,939
-You Yeovil?
-We are!

1111
01:07:20,400 --> 01:07:21,541
I'll do the ****in' lot of ya.

1112
01:07:21,608 --> 01:07:24,100
Especially you,
you ugly, fat ****.

1113
01:07:24,110 --> 01:07:25,278
[Jack groans]

1114
01:07:30,830 --> 01:07:33,520
[indistinct chatter]

1115
01:07:41,494 --> 01:07:42,662
****! JJ!

1116
01:07:46,566 --> 01:07:47,567
JJ?

1117
01:07:51,370 --> 01:07:52,380
JJ?

1118
01:07:54,908 --> 01:07:57,770
[heart monitor beeps]

1119
01:08:12,625 --> 01:08:14,427
**** are you doing here,
Kenny Boy?

1120
01:08:14,494 --> 01:08:17,630
I heard you was bang in trouble.

1121
01:08:17,697 --> 01:08:20,200
Wanted to make sure
you was OK.

1122
01:08:20,300 --> 01:08:21,835
Like you did for me.

1123
01:08:25,638 --> 01:08:27,140
I know I'm an albatross, Jack.

1124
01:08:27,907 --> 01:08:30,777
You've got enough on your plate
without having to look after me.

1125
01:08:36,490 --> 01:08:38,218
Truth is, you make me
look sensible.

1126
01:08:38,284 --> 01:08:42,622
I'm a stain on the family.
We all know it.

1127
01:08:42,722 --> 01:08:45,225
No one wants me around.

1128
01:08:45,291 --> 01:08:47,694
People go quiet
when I walk in a room.

1129
01:08:48,328 --> 01:08:49,496
I might be crackers,

1130
01:08:49,596 --> 01:08:51,970
but I can still hear
the whispers of,

1131
01:08:51,164 --> 01:08:53,366
"Get him the **** away from me,"
behind my back.

1132
01:08:57,904 --> 01:09:01,808
The truth is...
I wouldn't want me around.

1133
01:09:11,251 --> 01:09:13,653
I'll tell you what, Kenny Boy.

1134
01:09:15,555 --> 01:09:17,891
You might think
I'm all you've got...

1135
01:09:20,930 --> 01:09:22,495
but the fact is,
you're all I've got.

1136
01:09:22,595 --> 01:09:25,932
So you ain't going nowhere,
cos without you, I'm ****ed.

1137
01:09:28,234 --> 01:09:32,380
No, Jack,
you've still got a chance.

1138
01:09:33,239 --> 01:09:35,208
You've just got to go home
and make it right.

1139
01:09:38,244 --> 01:09:41,881
I must be ****ed if I'm taking
advice from a schizophrenic.

1140
01:10:02,350 --> 01:10:03,870
[keys jingle]

1141
01:10:08,708 --> 01:10:10,710
[lock rattles]

1142
01:10:24,224 --> 01:10:26,159
Hmm. Classy.

1143
01:10:30,830 --> 01:10:33,867
-Is that me clothes?
-And your **** collection.

1144
01:10:33,967 --> 01:10:36,503
I know
what's more important to ya.

1145
01:10:40,400 --> 01:10:42,742
I booked the restaurant we had
our first date in for tonight.

1146
01:10:47,180 --> 01:10:48,782
Please?

1147
01:10:48,882 --> 01:10:51,284
I've already made other plans,
Jack.

1148
01:10:51,384 --> 01:10:52,819
Well, unmake 'em.

1149
01:10:52,919 --> 01:10:55,550
How about a sorry?

1150
01:10:55,121 --> 01:10:57,457
Where are you going anyway?

1151
01:10:59,590 --> 01:11:00,493
Art stuff.

1152
01:11:06,320 --> 01:11:08,168
Meet me at the restaurant.

1153
01:11:08,234 --> 01:11:09,969
What, for another night
of humiliation?

1154
01:11:10,360 --> 01:11:13,340
No. For pasta.

1155
01:11:14,908 --> 01:11:16,876
I don't want my boy
to grow up like you, Jack.

1156
01:11:18,780 --> 01:11:20,714
I'm so ****ing sorry
for what I've done.

1157
01:11:32,726 --> 01:11:34,661
If you can find it
in your heart to forgive me,

1158
01:11:34,761 --> 01:11:36,930
I'll see you at the restaurant
at six bells.

1159
01:11:47,207 --> 01:11:48,675
[knocks at door]

1160
01:11:53,246 --> 01:11:54,280
[door opens]

1161
01:11:55,281 --> 01:11:56,549
What's happening?

1162
01:11:57,684 --> 01:11:59,252
How did you know I was here?

1163
01:11:59,319 --> 01:12:01,988
Vin, everyone knows
your wife left you years ago.

1164
01:12:02,989 --> 01:12:05,759
Having a party. [sniffs]

1165
01:12:05,825 --> 01:12:09,162
-Wanna come in?
-Nah, you're all right.

1166
01:12:09,262 --> 01:12:11,164
Look after this for me.

1167
01:12:16,836 --> 01:12:19,706
Jack, do us a favour.

1168
01:12:19,806 --> 01:12:21,241
Don't tell the other lot, yeah?

1169
01:12:54,641 --> 01:12:56,743
Please don't tell me
you want your drugs back.

1170
01:13:00,180 --> 01:13:01,614
Thank God for that.

1171
01:13:08,254 --> 01:13:10,757
Nah, mate, I've ****ed it.

1172
01:13:10,824 --> 01:13:12,459
My wife's gonna leave me.

1173
01:13:13,927 --> 01:13:16,290
I've turned my son
into a lunatic.

1174
01:13:16,830 --> 01:13:18,665
My mates think I'm a bore.

1175
01:13:19,432 --> 01:13:21,735
And me father-in-law's
gonna ****ing kill me.

1176
01:13:23,570 --> 01:13:25,739
Well, at least
you've got your freedom.

1177
01:13:29,943 --> 01:13:32,450
I'd help if I could, mate,

1178
01:13:32,112 --> 01:13:34,347
but I'm just a hopeless,
dyslexic, spark-out,

1179
01:13:34,414 --> 01:13:37,283
****ie-sniffing drunk.
What good am I gonna be?

1180
01:14:08,248 --> 01:14:10,250
[Vaughn]
Mind if I readjust you slightly?

1181
01:14:32,238 --> 01:14:33,640
[door opens]

1182
01:14:36,209 --> 01:14:38,578
These are for you, Dani.

1183
01:14:38,678 --> 01:14:40,413
Yeah, I'm not Dani.

1184
01:14:40,513 --> 01:14:43,883
****'s sake.
Can't even get that right.

1185
01:14:43,950 --> 01:14:48,722
[man] He wanted me to tell ya
he loves ya. More than Yeovil.

1186
01:14:51,458 --> 01:14:53,626
I'll just leave 'em here,
shall I?

1187
01:14:56,290 --> 01:14:57,530
[door closes]

1188
01:15:34,801 --> 01:15:35,969
[Jack] Before you sit down.

1189
01:15:38,138 --> 01:15:40,600
I've thought long and hard
about this.

1190
01:15:40,974 --> 01:15:43,343
There's something
I need to say, so...

1191
01:15:58,458 --> 01:16:00,600
I'm a ****.

1192
01:16:11,338 --> 01:16:13,673
You know that's usually
just the beginning?

1193
01:16:17,210 --> 01:16:20,180
Are you not even gonna make
a promise to try a bit harder?

1194
01:16:23,717 --> 01:16:26,252
And you wonder why
I went back to art college.

1195
01:16:26,353 --> 01:16:27,787
With Vaughn.

1196
01:16:33,960 --> 01:16:36,162
But you know what?

1197
01:16:37,163 --> 01:16:41,368
Despite everything...
I still love ya.

1198
01:16:43,169 --> 01:16:44,637
I do.

1199
01:16:45,538 --> 01:16:50,430
I mean, yeah,
I was tempted by Vaughn,

1200
01:16:50,110 --> 01:16:53,380
if only to remind myself
what ****ing passion felt like.

1201
01:16:56,490 --> 01:16:59,850
But I couldn't bear to see
the hurt on your little face.

1202
01:17:01,588 --> 01:17:06,192
So, yeah...
you are absolutely right.

1203
01:17:07,594 --> 01:17:09,262
You are a ****.

1204
01:17:10,630 --> 01:17:12,732
But you're my ****.

1205
01:17:13,733 --> 01:17:15,668
And that matters to me.

1206
01:17:23,677 --> 01:17:27,113
-Carbonara, please.
-Spaghetti or rigatoni?

1207
01:17:27,213 --> 01:17:29,149
Surprise me.

1208
01:17:43,463 --> 01:17:45,632
Look at you.

1209
01:17:50,670 --> 01:17:53,540
I never spoke to a straight goer
unless I was servin' 'em ****ie.

1210
01:17:54,574 --> 01:17:57,510
Never read a book,
apart from The Sun.

1211
01:17:57,577 --> 01:18:01,810
Never been to an exhibition.
We won't count yours.

1212
01:18:01,147 --> 01:18:02,615
I've never even
had a conversation

1213
01:18:02,716 --> 01:18:04,718
unless it was about
drugs or football.

1214
01:18:05,785 --> 01:18:07,987
I look down on people
I can't relate to.

1215
01:18:08,688 --> 01:18:11,658
I'm scared of mixing
outside my world.

1216
01:18:11,758 --> 01:18:15,462
I don't listen to anyone unless
there's something in it for me.

1217
01:18:15,528 --> 01:18:17,964
I judge people on their looks.

1218
01:18:18,310 --> 01:18:20,500
I want a prize
for doing **** all.

1219
01:18:21,368 --> 01:18:22,969
I hate anyone
that disagrees with me.

1220
01:18:23,360 --> 01:18:25,772
And I love the sound...

1221
01:18:25,872 --> 01:18:27,941
of my own voice.

1222
01:18:30,577 --> 01:18:32,879
**** me,
I must bore you to tears.

1223
01:18:35,582 --> 01:18:38,510
And I'm not saying I'm gonna
turn into Albert Epstein.

1224
01:18:38,918 --> 01:18:41,388
Einstein. Epstein's the nonce.

1225
01:18:44,357 --> 01:18:46,793
What I will say...

1226
01:18:46,860 --> 01:18:50,897
is if I can stay out of prison,
I know I can change.

1227
01:18:54,000 --> 01:18:55,802
Hmm!

1228
01:18:55,869 --> 01:18:58,204
For a minute there,
I almost believed ya.

1229
01:19:00,774 --> 01:19:02,742
Almost is good enough for me.

1230
01:19:07,280 --> 01:19:09,820
[phone rings]

1231
01:19:20,794 --> 01:19:23,960
Jack. Jack, it's Kenny Boy.

1232
01:19:23,163 --> 01:19:25,365
You've gotta come
and help me, Jack.

1233
01:19:25,465 --> 01:19:26,900
What the **** you looking at?

1234
01:19:27,000 --> 01:19:29,502
Them ****ing dealers we beat up
are in the pub looking for me.

1235
01:19:29,569 --> 01:19:31,504
They're firm-handed.

1236
01:19:31,571 --> 01:19:34,574
[Jack] Calm down. I'm coming.
I'm coming now. ****in' hell.

1237
01:19:34,674 --> 01:19:36,420
[Kenny Boy]
I'm out by the khazi.

1238
01:19:36,109 --> 01:19:39,790
The ****ing back door's locked.
You've gotta come and help me.

1239
01:19:39,179 --> 01:19:41,114
-How 'bout you, eh?
-[Jack] I'm round the corner.

1240
01:19:41,214 --> 01:19:43,717
Bowl haircut, this tall?

1241
01:19:43,783 --> 01:19:45,251
[Kenny Boy]
I need you to help me.

1242
01:19:45,318 --> 01:19:47,220
-Get round the back door lively.
-Kenny Boy!

1243
01:19:47,287 --> 01:19:49,522
Crazy ****ing look in his eye.
Have you seen him?

1244
01:19:49,622 --> 01:19:51,958
You've gotta come and help me.
They're gonna cop for me.

1245
01:19:52,250 --> 01:19:53,927
Bowl haircut. Laugh like hyaena.
You seen him?

1246
01:19:53,993 --> 01:19:54,994
[man] No, mate.

1247
01:19:55,950 --> 01:19:56,329
-You ****ing sure?
-Sorry.

1248
01:19:56,429 --> 01:19:57,697
Be lively, Jack.

1249
01:19:58,998 --> 01:20:00,300
Just ****ing get to
the back door!

1250
01:20:00,367 --> 01:20:02,569
Round the back
and prise it open.

1251
01:20:02,669 --> 01:20:05,205
Kenny Boy! Push,
and I'll try and open it.

1252
01:20:05,271 --> 01:20:07,173
-[Kenny Boy] Let me out!
-All right.

1253
01:20:07,240 --> 01:20:09,442
[Kenny Boy yells indistinctly]

1254
01:20:09,542 --> 01:20:10,710
Open the door, Jack!

1255
01:20:13,446 --> 01:20:15,882
Hurry up!
We've gotta get out of here!

1256
01:20:15,949 --> 01:20:18,151
-[laughs]
-It's not ****ing funny.

1257
01:20:18,251 --> 01:20:20,253
I was seconds away
from getting done.

1258
01:20:20,320 --> 01:20:21,454
Them bods had guns on them.

1259
01:20:21,521 --> 01:20:23,189
I was gonna get one
right in the cannister!

1260
01:20:23,289 --> 01:20:24,524
I don't need this, Kenny Boy!

1261
01:20:24,624 --> 01:20:26,126
I'm trying to sort out
my ****ing life!

1262
01:20:26,192 --> 01:20:28,294
[laughs]

1263
01:20:28,361 --> 01:20:30,960
[man] Remember me, pal?

1264
01:20:39,572 --> 01:20:41,410
**** stabbed me.

1265
01:20:45,945 --> 01:20:46,946
[Kenny Boy gasps]

1266
01:20:47,881 --> 01:20:49,416
[groans]

1267
01:20:53,860 --> 01:20:55,488
All right. All right,
all right, all right.

1268
01:20:55,588 --> 01:20:57,691
[line rings]

1269
01:20:57,791 --> 01:20:59,526
I need an ambulance.

1270
01:20:59,626 --> 01:21:02,595
Someone's been stabbed.
I'm outside the Fox.

1271
01:21:02,662 --> 01:21:04,731
Be quick, he's ****ing dying.

1272
01:21:05,999 --> 01:21:09,536
Come on.
Don't ****ing die, you ****.

1273
01:21:09,636 --> 01:21:12,505
Don't you ****ing die, you ****.
You dare ****ing die.

1274
01:21:12,572 --> 01:21:14,841
[Kenny Boy gasps]

1275
01:21:14,908 --> 01:21:19,790
All right, all right, all right.

1276
01:21:35,862 --> 01:21:38,231
The defendant failed to attend
his first therapy session,

1277
01:21:38,331 --> 01:21:39,666
Your Honour,

1278
01:21:39,733 --> 01:21:43,536
and also lost his job down to
a confrontation with colleagues.

1279
01:21:45,672 --> 01:21:49,275
However, there is cause
for optimism.

1280
01:21:49,376 --> 01:21:52,846
Firstly, he came to the aid
of a wounded man,

1281
01:21:52,912 --> 01:21:56,820
called the ambulance services.
And from their report,

1282
01:21:56,149 --> 01:21:58,785
I gather he certainly helped
save the young man's life.

1283
01:22:00,387 --> 01:22:03,656
And on top of that, he appears
to have made the effort

1284
01:22:03,757 --> 01:22:05,759
to find further employment,

1285
01:22:05,825 --> 01:22:10,263
and has a contract with a
Mr Ron Mason's scaffold team.

1286
01:22:11,364 --> 01:22:14,340
In summation,
I recommend the defendant

1287
01:22:14,134 --> 01:22:16,236
continues his probation order

1288
01:22:16,336 --> 01:22:19,272
so he can carry on
working on the scaffold team,

1289
01:22:19,372 --> 01:22:22,776
and indeed... on himself.

1290
01:22:22,876 --> 01:22:24,770
[phone buzzes]

1291
01:22:27,147 --> 01:22:30,417
[judge] Not often that this
court hears a good-news story.

1292
01:22:30,483 --> 01:22:33,286
I'm impressed.

1293
01:22:33,386 --> 01:22:38,291
Seems like your liberty is worth
fighting for after all, Jones.

1294
01:22:38,358 --> 01:22:39,359
Well done.

1295
01:22:40,593 --> 01:22:43,163
I don't intend to interfere
with your employment,

1296
01:22:43,263 --> 01:22:46,166
so I'm going to leave you in
the capable hands of Mr Fisher

1297
01:22:46,232 --> 01:22:47,734
and the probation services,

1298
01:22:47,834 --> 01:22:50,537
where you can hopefully impart
some of your newfound wisdom...

1299
01:22:50,637 --> 01:22:53,440
-[phone buzzes]
-..to the younger offenders

1300
01:22:53,540 --> 01:22:56,209
you will likely meet
along the way.

1301
01:22:57,377 --> 01:23:00,800
Good. Court adjourned.

1302
01:23:09,255 --> 01:23:13,260
Shame.
I was hoping you'd get a five.

1303
01:23:14,940 --> 01:23:15,462
[Dani chuckles]

1304
01:23:17,300 --> 01:23:19,466
Go on then, dinlo.

1305
01:23:19,532 --> 01:23:22,736
**** off and celebrate
with your two-bob mates.

1306
01:23:22,836 --> 01:23:24,170
What are you gonna do?

1307
01:23:26,373 --> 01:23:27,674
Nude life drawing.

1308
01:23:31,277 --> 01:23:35,810
Don't worry, Jack, I wouldn't
hurt you just for sport.

1309
01:23:38,485 --> 01:23:39,953
Funny thing, life.

1310
01:23:40,530 --> 01:23:41,755
You never know
how it's gonna unfold.

1311
01:23:41,821 --> 01:23:43,590
I mean, who would have thought
the two people

1312
01:23:43,656 --> 01:23:45,250
that gave me the most agg
in this world

1313
01:23:45,125 --> 01:23:46,793
would be the ones
that came to my rescue

1314
01:23:46,860 --> 01:23:47,961
when I needed it the most?

1315
01:23:48,280 --> 01:23:50,263
-Oi.
-So, to Kenny Boy and Ron.

1316
01:23:50,330 --> 01:23:53,330
Kenny Boy, may your wounds
heal quickly.

1317
01:23:53,133 --> 01:23:55,635
Ron, may yours last
forevermore.

1318
01:23:55,702 --> 01:23:59,673
As for me, I'm looking forward
to a bright future.

1319
01:23:59,739 --> 01:24:02,108
I'm thinking of reducing
my carbon footprint,

1320
01:24:02,208 --> 01:24:04,844
steady employment,
a Toyota Prius,

1321
01:24:04,911 --> 01:24:07,914
volunteering at the school fete,
a Flymo,

1322
01:24:08,140 --> 01:24:11,251
The Rest is Politics podcast,
a beanie hat,

1323
01:24:11,317 --> 01:24:15,121
and walking holidays in
Pembrokeshire with Mrs Jones.

1324
01:24:15,221 --> 01:24:18,158
Sourdough baking,
Wilderness Festival,

1325
01:24:18,258 --> 01:24:22,262
Jamie Oliver cookbooks,
recycled Birkenstocks,

1326
01:24:22,328 --> 01:24:25,865
me time, better vocabulary,
Wim Hof,

1327
01:24:25,965 --> 01:24:30,737
grassroots campaigning, sharing
family progress on social media,

1328
01:24:30,837 --> 01:24:33,173
vegan cheese,
maybe even a beard.

1329
01:24:33,239 --> 01:24:36,543
Just Stop Oil, hemp man bags,

1330
01:24:36,609 --> 01:24:40,213
subscription to The Guardian,
gong baths,

1331
01:24:40,280 --> 01:24:44,217
a greater understanding
of diverse communities, kimchi,

1332
01:24:44,284 --> 01:24:46,753
and generally a little more
love and tolerance

1333
01:24:46,820 --> 01:24:48,588
towards my fellow man.

1334
01:24:48,655 --> 01:24:51,958
Anyway, it can wait till Monday.

1335
01:24:52,250 --> 01:24:53,860
Come on, chap, liven up,
you ****ing Jils.

1336
01:24:53,960 --> 01:24:56,830
[chatter]

1337
01:24:56,930 --> 01:24:59,132
[man] Here look, boys.
They're ****ing here, look.

1338
01:24:59,199 --> 01:25:00,367
Come on.

1339
01:25:00,467 --> 01:25:03,903
[shouting]

1340
01:25:21,588 --> 01:25:22,756
What are you doing here?!

1341
01:25:24,900 --> 01:25:25,158
Come on! Come on!

1342
01:25:26,359 --> 01:25:27,761
Come on, then!

1343
01:25:28,661 --> 01:25:31,364
Come on! Come on!

1344
01:25:31,464 --> 01:25:32,665
You ****ing knobhead!

1345
01:25:35,902 --> 01:25:38,304
[Kenny Boy laughs]

1346
01:25:39,806 --> 01:25:43,243
[♪ "Swan Lake" by Tchaikovsky]