["Father Christmas" by The Kinks playing]
♪ When I was small I believed in Santa Claus ♪
♪ Though I knew it was my dad ♪
♪ And I would hang up My stocking at Christmas ♪
♪ Open my presents And I'd be glad ♪
♪ But the last time I played Father Christmas ♪
♪ I stood outside A department store ♪
♪ A gang of kids came over And mugged me ♪
♪ And knocked my reindeer To the floor ♪
♪ They said Father Christmas Give us some money ♪
♪ Don't mess around With those silly toys ♪
♪ We'll beat you up If you don't hand it over ♪
♪ We want your bread So don't make us annoyed ♪
♪ Give all the toys ♪
♪ To the little rich boys ♪
♪ Father Christmas Give us some money ♪
♪ Don't mess around With those silly toys ♪
♪ We'll beat you up If you don't hand it over ♪
♪ We want your bread So don't make us annoyed ♪
♪ Give all the toys ♪
♪ To the little rich boys ♪
[song fades]
[Selina yowls]
[grunts]
Master Wayne, come along now.
Time for your cookie-wookies before bedtime.
Not yet, Alfred.
Selina stole priceless art
- from the Gotham City Museum. - [meows]
[in gruff voice] I must have justice.
[Damian grunts]
[laughing]
- Ha! - [meows]
[grunts]
Phew! Close one, huh, Alfred?
Close indeed.
Now, let's end this madcappery
before you actually do break...
[loud crash]
...something like your great grandfather's ashes.
- [loud clattering] - And that priceless Picasso.
[ripping]
[Damian laughing]
[meows]
There's no way to run, Selina.
- [yowls] - [grunts]
[Selina meows]
Ah-ha!
[blows raspberry]
Young man, may I remind you
that Christmas is a mere two days away?
Father Christmas is watching.
Good! 'Cause even Santa wouldn't wanna miss this.
[laughs]
- [meows] - Ha!
[meows]
[Damian] Whoa!
Master Wayne.
Will you be sleeping down there again?
- [yowls] - [screaming]
Whoa!
- [thudding] - [groaning]
[meows]
[thudding]
Whoa!
No. No. No, no, no.
- [thud] - [yowls]
Whoa!
[grunts] Whoa!
[groans]
[meows]
[groaning]
What?
[beeping]
[dramatic music playing]
Uh-oh.
[metal clinking]
[chuckles nervously] How's it going?
[gasps] Oh, my gosh!
Are you okay? Did you fall through that vent?
Damian, you could've gotten hurt.
You shouldn't play with the cat.
You could've gotten scratched, or worse!
You could've gotten a brain parasite
from its fecal matter.
[meows]
[gasps] A boo-boo!
Aw, Dad!
Quit worrying so much.
I'm totally fine.
The HVAC unit broke my fall, see?
[crackling]
[fart sound plays]
Yeah.
Damian, what have we said about being more careful
and less destructive when you're playing superhero?
I'm not playing, Dad. I'm training.
To be a real hero. Like you.
Picture it. You and me fighting back to back.
Fearless defenders of the night.
Protecting the weak. Punishing the wicked.
Crime doesn't stand a chance.
Uh-huh. And I've told you,
you're not ready for that kind of stuff.
Because being a superhero takes...
[together] Focus, responsibility and sacrifice.
I know. I know.
Not to mention a pretty high pain threshold.
You know how many ribs I've broken?
All of them.
Cool! I want to break all of my ribs, too.
Come on, kiddo.
Now look, even if I thought you were ready
to be a crime fighter, which I don't,
there isn't any crime left in Gotham to fight.
What do you mean?
Damian? The day I found out I was going to be a dad
was the happiest day I've had since...
Well, a long time.
It's like in one instant, the only thing that mattered
was protecting you from ever getting hurt.
So before you were born,
I worked overtime to make Gotham safe.
- [grunts] - [heavy metal music playing]
[screaming]
[screams, groans]
[screaming]
- [tires screeching] - [siren wailing]
- [birds chirping] - [mellow music playing]
- [heavy metal music playing] - [alarm blaring]
[laughs]
What was that?
[grunting and groaning]
- [children laughing] - [mellow music playing]
[heavy metal music playing]
- [mellow music playing] - In breaking news,
all of Gotham City's supervillains
are now either behind bars
or have been forced into retirement.
Gotham is officially 90 days crime free
as Batman continues to clean it up.
Gotham City just voted
the safest place on planet Earth.
[all cheering]
There is no more crime in Gotham.
So enjoy being a kid.
But I don't wanna be just a kid.
Whoa! You are way more than just a kid.
You're "my" kid.
- And that's the best kind. - [giggling]
[both laugh]
Wait, Dad, what were you doing down in the basement anyway?
Me? Oh, uh, I don't know.
Maybe I was, uh...
[chuckling] ...wrapping someone's Christmas present.
- [laughing] - Yes! What is it?
Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.
Sorry, sport. Bedtime.
Can I at least get a hint?
Let's just say it's something no future superhero
should be without.
- Is it a Bat-grappling gun? - Nope.
- Razor-lined Bat-gauntlets. - Good gravy. No!
- Bat-ice skates? - Skates?
Now, that's just silly.
[Damian] Is it a Bat-laser torch?
[Bruce] No.
Bat-cryptographer sequencer?
I'm not even sure what that is.
A heat-seeking Bat-rocket launcher?
Nope. And you guessed that already. Twice.
- [laughing] - [sips]
Master Wayne,
stop playing with your blood sausage.
[together] Right, yeah, totally. Sorry, Alfred.
Now, let's enjoy the traditional
Christmas Eve breakfast of my youth.
Best hurry.
If jellied eel sits too long, it tends to...
congeal.
[slurps]
Mm. Mm.
[sloshes]
[clears throat]
[Damian] Mm.
[shushes] Donut tell anybody.
[both laugh] Kapow!
♪ Da-na-na-na-na-na ♪
[slurps] And no cowls at the table.
Aw, come one. It's Christmas Eve!
Damian, you heard Alfred.
Hmph.
Ah, what the heck?
Here you go, Damian.
Whoa! You mean I can open it now?
Why not? You get to stop guessing
and I get to hear myself think again.
- It's a win-win. - Mm-hm.
Merry Christmas, kiddo.
[gasps]
My own utility belt!
[laughs] Yeah, that was my first utility belt, Damian.
What? No way! Oh, man! I can't believe it.
This is the best, Dad! You're the best!
Alfred, isn't Dad the best?
- [kisses] - Oh, my. Yes.
This is indeed exciting.
Oh, what did you put in the pouches?
That's your Bat-first-aid kit.
Oh, neat.
How about this?
Your Bat-mergency whistle.
Nice. [inhales]
Which should only be used in case of a Bat-mergency.
[sputters]
Whoa! A Batarang
[laughs]
- [meows] - It's foam.
But isn't it supposed to fly back to me.
So it can poke you in the eye?
I don't think so.
That's a practice Batarang.
Dad, don't get me wrong. I love this belt.
I mean, I love, love, love it.
But where's the, you know,
cool stuff?
You mean dangerous stuff?
Damian, you'll have to earn those things when you're older.
You still have a lot to learn.
Oh, come on, Dad. I'm not a baby.
Hey, I never said you were a baby.
[Bruce over recording] Emergency! Call for help.
My precious little baby is in danger.
I'll re-record that for you.
Damian, this is the first step toward becoming a superhero.
Believe me, I agonized for months
over whether you're ready for even--
- [device ringing] - What's that?
- It sounds like the-- - It can't be.
Can't be what? What can't it be?
The Batphone.
Ooh, wait for me. I'll put on my belt!
I mean... [clears throat]
[in deep voice] Wait for me.
I'll put on my belt.
[ringing continues]
No one's called this thing in years.
Crime must be back in Gotham.
It's a Christmas miracle!
- Hello? - [voice chattering indistinctly]
It's the Justice League.
What? Are you serious?
Quick. How's my belt look?
Uh-huh. No, I... I hear you.
A weather anomaly? In Nova Scotia?
Just let Clark handle it.
It's Christmas Eve. We all have plans.
No need to send Superman. We got this.
Sorry, that was Damian.
Yeah, he's eight now. Crazy, right?
You can't call anyone else?
How about the Twins?
- [indistinct chatter] - They're not talking?
Well tell them to activate their Wonder Twin powers
and form into mature adults.
All right. Fine.
I'll leave in five.
Sorry, Damian. I gotta go.
But I promise I'll be back before Christmas.
Wait, Dad! Dad! Dad!
Let me come with you. Please!
I don't think so, kiddo.
It could be your Christmas gift for the next year.
For the next ten years!
I can't risk it. The answer's no.
[Damian] Mm.
Good. Now, where's your emergency contact list?
Actually, never mind.
I printed extra copies for your belt.
Okay. What do you do
in the event of a home invasion?
Call the police.
- Mental breakdown? - Therapist.
A race of giant, super-intelligent
fungus-beetles attack Gotham?
I don't know. Call Commissioner Gordon?
Commiss-- What? No!
All he ever does is pass the buck to me.
I'll be back before you know it, buddy.
I shall ready the Batjet, Master Wayne.
Batjet, huh?
You're making record time
for not having done this in years, Bruce.
[Batman] Did you program the coordinates?
And pre-heated the seat warmer, sir.
[clears throat] Shall I assume
we did not see the Bat-razor I left on the vanity?
Really? The beard again?
I like it. It totally ups my intimidation game.
You have donut crumbs in your intimidation game, sir.
- Hm. - [muffled alarm blaring]
[Bruce over recording] Emergency! Call for help.
My precious little baby is in danger.
What the...
- Emergency! Call for help. - [meows]
- My precious little baby... - Come on.
- Damian! - [chuckles]
Wow! Dad!
You look awesome!
Damian, get out of the bag.
Come on, Dad, just let me come with you.
No. We don't have time for this.
You won't even know I'm here.
I told you,
- you're not ready. - [groans]
Ugh! Dad, look how hard I've been training.
I mean, check out my rad ninja skills.
- [Batman] Get over here. Argh! - [grunting]
Argh! My good hip. [groaning]
Oh, my gosh! Alfred! I'm so sorry.
Damian Thomas Wayne! That is enough!
I just thought
getting your belt meant
that I was ready to be a superhero like you.
Well, it didn't.
In fact, give me the belt.
You're clearly not ready for it.
What? Dad, no!
Damian.
Hold on to this until I get back.
[sighs]
Okay. Now give me a...
goodbye hug?
He'll be fine, sir. I'll see to that.
I knew he wasn't ready to have his own belt.
Yes. Well, I can certainly agree
that "someone" wasn't ready.
[sighs]
I gotta get going, Alfred.
[engine powering up]
[roaring]
Godspeed, sir.
Come along, Damian.
I've got just the thing to lift your spirits.
A steaming mug of my world-famous hot cocoa.
With extra marshmallows.
Thanks, but coco's kinda kid stuff.
"Kid stuff?"
Oh, your father would disagree.
I once saw him drink an entire gallon in one sitting.
You did not.
[Alfred] Did so. And he had quite
the swollen stomach that evening.
Why I had to take the Batsuit out an entire two inches
before he could even go out on patrol.
[sighs]
This is so unfair, Selina.
[meows]
You're right. I can't give up.
I'll work even harder to prove I'm ready to be Batman.
And you know what that means?
Time for some extreme training.
[Alfred humming]
[whispers] Unsupervised extreme training.
[Damian sighs dramatically]
I don't know, Alfred.
Do you really think a steaming mug
of your world-famous hot cocoa
with extra marshmallows could help?
Why I'm certain of it, sir.
Unless it's too much trouble.
Nonsense. Coming up.
All right, Pennyworth, time to deliver your A-game.
[chuckles]
[munching]
[gasps] Aw, man!
[whirring]
[beeps]
Hm.
Hmph.
[munching]
[groans]
[clinking]
And now the piece de resistance.
[gasps]
Good heavens! Out of marshmallows?
- What? - [meows]
How did that happen?
[gulps]
This is catastrophic.
[Damian] That's okay.
After all, it's...
it's only cocoa without marshmallows.
It's not like it's Christmas Eve
without my...
[sniffles] ...dad.
[imitates crying]
[continues crying]
[clears throat] Fear not.
I shall return before your cocoa
even has a chance to cool.
[Damian panting]
[grunts] You sure? You really don't need to,
but if you insist. Hurry back. Okay, bye.
And now, time to train
for I am...
the Night!
[voice echoing] Night. Night.
Night. Night...
[engine whirring]
[humming]
Oh, biscuits!
[tires screeching]
I beg your pardon.
Hey, watch where you're going, grandpa!
There's some real psychos in this neighborhood.
[engine whirring and backfiring]
["Oi to the World" by The Vandals playing]
♪ If God came down On Christmas Day ♪
♪ I know exactly What he'd say ♪
♪ He'd say "Oi!" to the punks And "Oi!" to the skins ♪
♪ But "Oi!" to the world And everybody wins ♪
♪ Haji was a bloody mess He ran out through the crowd ♪
♪ He said, "We'll meet again We are bloody yet unbowed" ♪
♪ Trevor called his bluff And told him where to meet ♪
♪ Christmas Day on the roof Down at 20 Oxford Street ♪
♪ If God came down On Christmas Day ♪
♪ I know exactly What he'd say ♪
♪ He'd say "Oi!" to the punks And "Oi!" to the skins ♪
♪ But "Oi!" to the world And everybody wins ♪
♪ If God came down On Christmas Day ♪
♪ I know exactly What he'd say ♪
♪ He'd say "Oi!" to the punks And "Oi!" to the skins ♪
♪ But "Oi!" to the world And everybody wins ♪
[laughs]
I don't need some trip to Nova Scotia.
This is the best Christmas Eve ever!
[voice echoing] Ever! Ever!
I haven't determined the cause of the Batjet malfunction,
but there's no anomaly up here.
In fact, it's a perfectly typical
- Nova Scotia blizzard! - [wind howling]
[indistinct voice over phone]
What do you mean, "What anomaly," J'onn?
If you didn't send me here, who did?
Ugh! [groaning]
- [crackling] - Oh, no. Hello?
J'onzz? Hello!
Great.
I can't miss Christmas.
Damian, I'm coming!
[wind howling]
[crashing]
[man and woman straining]
Please, why are you doing this?
Yeah. It's Christmas, you monster.
I'm just making some Christmas memories.
Say, "Cheese."
Ugh! Stop it with the videos.
What? Is it a crime to document our crimes.
[Francine] Just throw the goods in the van,
- you idiot! - [loud crash]
We've got a lot of mansions to hit.
[timer dings]
And now, the most important part of training,
the post-workout carbo load.
[gulping]
It's good.
But it could have a bit more turbo charge.
[bubbling]
[chuckles, screams]
[groaning]
I survived an explosion.
Again.
[crackling]
[Francine] This neighborhood's prime for the picking.
[Terry] Which house do you want to hit next?
[glass shatters]
That one will do.
So big.
[thudding]
Oh, man. Alfred's back already?
Ah, we've hit a gold mine.
Looks like no one's home.
Will you shut up and help me, you ding-dong?
Burglars!
Oh, no. What do I do? What do I do?
[grunts]
Okay, Damian, calm down.
Think. It's just a home invasion.
A home invasion?
Dad never told me what to do in case of one of these.
Ugh! What is this? Bulletproof glass?
- Here, I've got it. - No, no, no!
- [grunts] - [glass shatters]
[exclaims]
Ugh!
- [Bruce over recording] Emergency... - Not now. Come on, turn off.
- Turn off. - ...my baby is in--
[panting]
Told you I had it.
[rousing music playing]
[chuckles]
Terry, I think we hit the jackpot.
Cha-ching.
What have I told you about that stupid phone?
What? Uh-oh.
- [punch lands] - [Terry] Ouch! I bit my tongue.
- [meows] - [shushes]
Ah, there's so much stuff.
How are we gonna fit all this junk inside the van?
We'll just grab what we can and get a move on.
The boss doesn't like to be kept waiting.
Yeah, that's true.
Remember what happened to the last bloke?
Ugh! Don't remind me.
I can still hear his screams.
Hang on, Selina. I'm calling for help.
[breathes heavily] Police.
[operator] Gotham City Police. How can I help you?
[Terry chuckles] Check out this cool belt.
[gasps]
[Terry] You think I could rock something like this?
Just throw it in the bag, you idiot.
Yeah, okay.
I'm gonna try you on...
[in slowed voice] ...later.
[slowed voice] No!
They can't take my belt.
Dad already thinks I'm not ready for it.
It'll be years before he trusts me with another one.
Unless I get it back myself,
then Dad would see that I am ready to be a superhero.
[operator] Hello? What's the emergency?
Is anyone injured?
No. But they will be.
- [operator] Hello? - [call disconnects]
- Come on, Selina. - [meows]
- [footsteps] - [Francine] You hear something?
[both laughing]
Man, they wasted a lot of moolah on a bunch of dumb books.
There's a whole shelf on excavating shale rock from underneath manors.
That's weirdly specific.
[Damian in deep voice] Hasn't anyone ever told you
to be quiet in a library?
[grunting]
Give me back my belt.
Okay, you have got to be kidding me.
[chuckles] Now, this I've got to get.
Nice entrance, kid.
What are you supposed to be?
I'm Batman.
And your night just got a whole lot darker.
All right. Come here, kid.
[exclaims] Where did he go?
Peek-a-boo!
- [grunts] - Ugh, just my luck.
Okay, you little brat.
You had your fun.
Uh, I can't see anything.
[Damian] You can even say you're blind
as a bat.
- What was that? - What's going on?
[Damian chuckles]
Adios.
Get over here, you little turdmuffin!
[both groan]
[groans] I'm gonna tear that bat's wings off.
Is that all you got?
Uh-oh.
[both screaming]
[chuckling]
Argh!
- [thudding] - [groaning]
I'm gonna puke.
[loud crash]
[both groaning]
I'm over here, bozos!
Come and get me. [chuckles]
I'm gonna deck the halls with this kid.
[both scream]
[both groaning]
[screaming continues]
Ha!
[whirring]
[both screaming]
[grunting]
What the...
A kiddy pool?
That's to put out the grease fire.
Water doesn't put out grease fires.
Exactly.
[Francine and Terry screaming]
[grunts]
[chuckles]
[both screaming]
[screaming]
Is that our...
[beeping]
[horn honking]
[snaps, pops]
Ugh! Congealed eel?
That's it! I've had it!
Grab what you can. We're out of here.
Load up. I'll start the van.
- [straining] - Let it go, kid.
Give me back my utility belt.
You mean my utility belt?
[Bruce over recording] Emergency! Call for help.
- My precious little baby is... - There it is.
- [ripping] - [both groan]
Ugh! [gasps]
Will you hurry up?
[engine whirring]
- [chuckles] - Stop! Get back here.
[honks]
Later, kid.
[Damian grunts]
Now, you're gonna feel my ninja skills.
[Terry] This kid just won't quit.
Oh, that's no kid.
[growling]
That's some kind of feral mutant.
Whoa!
Oh, no! The boss is gonna kill us.
[chuckles] Now you've got nothing.
Oh, I wouldn't say nothing.
Whoa! [groans]
[Terry] I got your belt.
You lose, kid.
[groaning]
[growls]
Hm?
Whoa!
[wind whistles]
My belt may be gone, but this is far from over.
I will have vengeance.
Because they didn't cross some kid.
They crossed Batman's kid!
[thunder breaks]
[Selina meows]
Sorry, Selina, but you can't come.
This is gonna be way too dangerous.
Once I pass through these doors,
the Damian you knew will be no more.
I know, you're scared for me.
And honestly, I'm a little scared, too.
- But... - [snoring]
Oh.
[whispers] Take care of the house while I'm gone.
[dramatic music plays]
[panting]
[muzak playing]
♪ O holy night The Stars... ♪
[dramatic music playing]
[chuckles]
[bats screeching]
Whoo-hoo!
Let's see that ice cream truck
outrun this sick set of wheels.
[chuckling] Oh, what do we have here?
Huh...
It's a bit saggy.
Well, that one just leaves nothing to the imagination.
What's this?
[gasps]
No way.
Dad made me a Batsuit.
[grunting]
Awesome.
Whoa! Wait until they get a load of me.
Damian. It's Dad.
Dad?
If you're wearing that suit, it means I am dead,
and my worst fear has come true.
Crime is back in Gotham.
And now you must take my place and become...
the Batman.
Unless you broke into the Batcave and stole the suit,
in which case you're in big trouble, mister. You just wait till I get home.
Yikes.
By now, I'd already given you the utility belt that goes with your suit.
That Batsuit is the most technologically advanced yet.
Heck, yeah.
But before we get into that tech,
there's a few things your father would like to share with you,
in case we never got the chance.
Like when I met your mom.
Damian, your mother was a total smokeshow.
[gags] How do you fast forward this thing?
- ...Sugar Moose. - [electrical buzzing]
...you might be getting to that age
where your body is going through some changes...
Ugh! Gross.
[electrical buzzing]
You gotta be careful, Damian.
[laughs]
Oh, Alfred, the diaper's integrity, it's been compromised.
- I need wipes... - Ah, Dad.
[electrical buzzing]
...and though I'd won the brutal fight,
the searing pain of the injuries I sustained are still with me.
Every day.
Okay, so, onto the Batsuit.
Yeah!
To be honest, Damian, part of me never wanted you to have to put that suit on.
But another part of me always knew deep down
that this is what you were born to do.
My only regret is not being by your side when you did it.
Thankfully, that's where the suit's tech comes in.
With the help of AI, I've programmed myself into the suit.
Activating Bat-Dad.
[electrical buzzing]
[automated voice] Upload complete.
[laughs]
Okay. Good luck, Damian.
And remember, I'll be with you always.
Ending transmission.
[both] Kapow!
♪ Da-na-na-na-na-na ♪
Dad?
[electrical buzzing]
[Bat-Dad] Bat-Dad online. Hello, Damian.
Wow, you can talk? Cool.
Uh... computer, status report.
Please, call me Bat-Dad.
Bio scans indicate you are eight years and four days old.
Recommendation, time for night-night.
Great. It's just as overbearing as the real thing.
Would you like me to read you a story?
No, thank you.
My memory matrix says I would often read Happy Puppy's First Day of School.
We don't have time for this, Bat-Dad.
I have it downloaded in six languages.
- [speaking Spanish] - [Damian speaks in English] Mute, mute, mute!
[Bat-Dad] It sounds like you'd like to mute your dead father.
Would you like to mute your dead father?
No. I mean, yes, but my dad isn't...
Just mute, please.
No mute function found.
Then why did you just offer?
Whoa!
Awesome.
[Bat-Dad] I'm not detecting a car seat.
Safety guidelines recommend children under ten--
Can we just focus? I need to get my belt back.
[Bat-Dad] Affirmative. The ability to focus
is a quality every good superhero must possess.
Uh-huh, yep, thanks.
But I already know the qualities of a good superhero.
[Bat-Dad] Excellent. Would you care to review?
Focus, responsibility, sacrifice--
Please, just stop talking.
Now let's drive this car.
[engine whirring]
[engine stops]
[engine grumbles]
[sputtering]
Come on, go.
Ugh! What's wrong with this thing?
[system starts]
[engine starts]
[laughs]
[exclaims]
♪ Really, want Really want for Christmas ♪
♪ All I really want Really want for Christmas ♪
[Damian] Whoo-hoo!
♪ All I really want Really want for Christmas ♪
Ooh. What's this red button do?
[Bat-Dad] That is the turbo thruster. But I would advise against--
This is awesome!
♪ All I really want Really want for Christmas ♪
♪ Is everything On my list, baby, hey ♪
♪ All I really want Really want for Christmas ♪
♪ Is everything On my list, baby, hey ♪
♪ Under the mistletoe I got it made ♪
♪ Red cup, cherry limeade ♪
♪ So much food It's like a buffet ♪
♪ I got next I'm the king of spades ♪
♪ Little kids Dress up real silly ♪
[blowing nose]
Now let's find those punks who stole my belt.
♪ All I really want Really want for Christmas ♪
♪ Is everything On my list, baby, hey ♪
[jolly music playing]
[laughs] Oh. This is some swanky villain hideout.
What do you think is in the vats?
Probably us. We had one job and we blew it.
Now we've got to meet the boss empty handed.
We are in so much trouble.
Relax. We're not completely empty handed.
Let me do the talking.
[laughter nearby]
On second thoughts, you do the talking.
Hello, sir. You in here?
My associate and I were just saying what a lovely hideout you...
have... here.
- [horn blares] - [both scream]
[Joker laughs maniacally]
Well, if it isn't my two favorite new henchmen, Roscoe and Whatchamacallit.
Um... she's Francine, and I'm--
Good evening, Mr. Joker, sir.
You two are looking a little worse for wear.
Hopefully that's a sign you did your part in my a master plan for Gotham.
Oh, how I want to make this a very special Christmas Eve.
Oh, yeah, we had a blast.
You should have seen this one bloke, he was like--
I'm sorry if I gave the impression I cared.
Now then, what do you got for me?
Oh, what do we got? Oh, sure, uh...
Why don't you go ahead and do that, Terry,
since you're kind of spearheading that?
No, no, you do the honors, Francine.
You do it.
It wasn't me who lost the loot.
I wouldn't have dropped the loot if you'd driven straight
instead of being scared by a two-year-old.
He was at least four and a half.
Just give it to me. Gimme, gimme, gimme!
Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme.
Uh... here you go, boss.
[Joker] What's happening here?
Where's the rest?
That, actually, is the rest, Mr. Joker. Sir.
You've been out all day and you just bring me this?
[sighs]
Of all the elves I had do my Christmas bidding,
I gave you two the poshest neighborhood.
We had more. Lots more.
But then we ran into a number of unforeseen, unfortunate--
It was Batman.
Batman? Impossible. I tricked him into leaving Gotham.
Oh, even after all these years apart, he still ruins everything.
How can he be everywhere at the same time? All at once, all the time?
I'm so sick of these Batman games.
No, it was a little Batman.
Little Batman?
What, did he shrink or something? Hm?
What Terry is trying to say is--
So, there was this little kid dressed up as Batman.
He beat the crud out of us in a surprisingly skillful manner.
[Francine] And it was all because of that belt.
He went berserk for it.
[squeals]
So, let me get this straight.
You're telling me you two were beat by a child in a...
[yells] Batman costume?
[whimpers] More like PJs and a paper-bag mask.
There you go. See for yourself.
[Terry] I'm afraid of the dark.
- What was that? - What's going on?
[both scream]
Ooh, my. Look at that little hellion go.
And such rad ninja skills.
[both scream on video]
Whoa! Was that a grease fire? So clever.
How do you rewind this thing? Okay, okay, here it is.
[laughs]
Oh, he really fried you like a couple of chicken fingers.
[laughs] Okay, okay. One more time.
[laughing maniacally]
This child is sensational.
[grunts] Give me my belt.
I was only planning to steal Christmas.
But after watching this kid's work, it's all so clear.
Why would we just steal Gotham's Christmas
when it would be so much more festive to destroy it?
And who better to do it
than a merry little Batman?
[laughs maniacally]
[clock chiming]
What do you have in mind, boss?
Are you still here?
[both scream]
[Terry] Can I at least have my phone?
Give me my belt.
My, how the little cherub wants his toy belt back.
[laughs]
[Poison Ivy] Did I miss all the fun?
No. In fact, thanks to this stocking stuffer,
the real fun is about to begin.
[Poison Ivy] Sounds divine.
[laughs]
Now, if I were a kid looking for my toy, where would I look?
Hm.
[gasps] Of course.
[laughs]
Or should I say, "Ho, ho, ho."
Looking for those scum this way is taking too long.
Bat-Dad, don't you have some kind of secret surveillance system?
You know, one that can tap into everyone's cell phones
and give us eyes everywhere?
[Bat-Dad] Aha. I'm sorry.
That would be an egregious violation of basic privacy.
No one should be allowed to have eyes and ears everywhere.
Lucky for us, someone already does.
Santa Claus.
You should get a picture. Alfred would love that.
No pictures, only justice.
[Batman] Oh, man, I'm the worst dad ever.
And I'm not racking up any superhero points, either.
[scoffs] Anomaly. Come on, Bruce. Walked right into that one.
I mean, this is textbook supervillain stuff.
Step one, get Batman out of town.
Step two, unleash an evil plot and threaten Gotham and all its people.
All its people...
Damian! Great, like that kid doesn't find a way to find trouble on his own.
I mean, by now he probably...
- [sirens wailing] - [indistinct radio chatter]
[Damian] Dad, help me.
Dad, I need you.
Damian! I'll see you in the Promised Land.
Alfred, no...
Ahh, no!
Don't go there.
Remember what your therapist said about your brooding?
Just focus on the repair, Brucey.
Let's see what we got.
Yep, that's what I thought.
Freeze.
[festive Spanish song playing]
Whoa!
Look at all these toys.
[laughs]
[giggles] Happy holidays.
- Donut eat it all at once. - [both laugh]
[laughs]
Donuts.
Focus on the belt. I am the night. I am the night.
Excuse me, citizen of Gotham.
Uh-oh. Looks like someone got their holidays mixed up.
It's not Halloween, silly.
Santa Claus. Where is he?
Why, jolly old St. Nick's up in his North Pole workshop, of course.
Located in our toy department.
The escalators are right over there.
[gasps]
Thank you. Merry Christmas.
[gasps]
It's your turn, little bat boy.
Whoo-hoo, Santa!
I don't have time to get into anything on my Christmas list.
Like a new pair of titanium Bat-cuffs or some Bat-Cloaking gear,
or this really cool pneumatic Bat-Grenade launcher
that comes with the laser scope
and the glow-in-the-dark Bat-symbols.
[clears throat]
[in deep voice] I need information, Santa.
Wait a minute.
You're not Santa.
Sure, he is.
Hello.
How else could he possibly know what you really want for Christmas?
[gasps]
Wait. How did you...
[laughs]
Poison Ivy!
And you must be... Bane.
Come get your little belt, Bat-Mite.
Give me that back.
[groans]
[Damian grunts]
[laughing maniacally]
[people screaming]
Terrific.
[Bat-Dad] Observation. The collateral damage you are causing
is putting you and others--
I can't stop now. If I get my belt back,
I'll prove that I'm ready to be a superhero.
[grunts]
Huh. [growls]
Works every time.
Whoa!
I picked something up for you in the garden section.
[screams]
My foliage.
Finally.
[Bane grunting]
Not yet. Remember what Joker said.
We have to let the little disaster artist work his magic first.
[Damian screams]
[straining]
No!
Why... does... Santa...
need so many... reindeer?
[gasps, screams]
Whoa, whoa!
[laughs wearily]
[grunting]
- [all gasping] - [man 1] What's going on?
- [woman 1] You okay, kid? - [woman 2] It's a freaking bat.
It's okay, citizens. I... I'm a super...
[tree creaking]
Oh, no.
[crowd clamoring]
[grunts]
[man 2] Hey, watch it.
[laughing maniacally]
[grunts]
[panting]
Bat-Dad, bring up directions to the Gotham Zoo.
Moments ago,
a tiny, masked figure single handedly perpetrated
the most odious act of yuletide vandalism this city has ever seen.
I spoke to a concerned citizen who had this to say.
I'm concerned.
Who was this snack-sized scrooge?
And why did he have to ruin it for everybody?
Those questions remain unanswered.
But this home grown Gothamite will only say this:
Humbug to you, you little menace.
Wherever you are, it'll take more than knocking down our tree
to ruin this city's Christmas spirit.
Not mine. I love that tree. [crying]
What a genius.
[laughs]
He's an absolute miniature maestro of mayhem.
He's exceeded my wildest expectations,
and he's playing into my plan perfectly.
[phone ringing]
Talk to me.
The kid's belt was delivered to the bird as planned?
Fantastic.
I'm gonna bring a sleigh full of Christmas chaos to his next stop.
[laughing]
But, you know...
I'm curious to see just how much more damage our little dynamo could cause,
if properly motivated.
Yes, it's time for the boy and I to tango.
[laughing maniacally]
- But... - [muffled conversation]
Huh? I don't wanna waltz.
It's... it's an expression.
Never mind. I wanna talk to the kid.
That does it. I'm moving to Metropolis.
I know you're out here. Show yourself.
Victor.
Tonight's forecast, a freeze is coming.
[Batman] All these years, you show up out of nowhere,
that's your opener?
What about, "Tonight, hell freezes over?"
[Batman] Nope. Still lame.
Dang it. It sounded better in my head.
Never mind that, Freeze.
Why was I lured out to the middle--
Oh, wait, I got one.
Time for you to get ice-creamed.
[Mr. Freeze screaming]
Answer me! Freeze! Why did you bring me here?
[Mr. Freeze] Whoa.
[groans]
Haven't you figured it out?
We needed to get the Bat out of Gotham.
However, it appears a much smaller Bat has taken its place.
- [gasps] - [laughs]
[Batman] Damian!
We've looked everywhere.
There's no sign of that van or my belt.
[Bat-Dad] Earlier, you remarked on the need
to prove your readiness to become a superhero.
Prove to whom?
To you.
Uh, not you, my dad.
So I am not dead.
That is certainly welcome news.
Sorry I didn't tell you sooner.
It is not your fault.
My central processing made an erroneous assumption.
- Observation. - What?
I may only be a simulation of your father,
but after an analysis of his cognitive patterns
in relation to your current goal orientation,
I have determined that the two do not align.
Wanna break that down, Bat-Dad?
Getting your belt back won't prove anything to your dad.
Maybe you think it won't, but I know it will.
It has to.
Being Batman alongside my dad is all I've ever wanted.
I have to show Dad I can handle myself.
He worries way too much.
He still makes me wear floaties in the bathtub.
I mean, come on. I'm not a baby.
Indeed. You are not a baby.
You have been alive for eight years.
And four days. [laughs]
Ha-ha-ha-ha.
I like this place.
My memory matrix recalls visiting many times with my parents.
I miss doing that with them.
Why did they stop taking--
Oh, right.
Yes, right.
[hoots]
It must have been really hard to lose your mom and dad when you were just a kid.
[Bat-Dad] Although the memories are technically not mine,
it was very hard to be alone.
In fact, your father created me
in part to ensure you would never know a loneliness like that.
Wow, he did?
Hey, Bat-Dad, observation.
Yes, Damian?
I'm glad he did.
I wouldn't want to be alone right now.
I'm glad I am here, too.
You're a good friend, Bat-Dad.
I'd give you a big hug if I wasn't, you know,
wearing you.
It's okay.
Just promise to give one to your father when you next see him.
Yeah, I kind of owe him one anyway.
What the--
Whoo-hoo!
[laughing]
[Bat-Dad] Caution. I'm detecting thin ice.
[Damian screaming]
[grunts]
[Bat-Dad] My environmental assessment system indicates this may be a trap.
I was thinking the same thing, Bat-Dad.
- [Bat-Dad] Oswald Cobblepot. - Oswald Cobblepot.
I prefer The Penguin.
You have my belt, Birdbrain.
My, my. He said you were an obnoxious little brat.
Who said that?
[Joker laughing]
Come now, Oswald.
I never used those words exactly.
Joker!
Oh, he may be obnoxious, and he certainly acts like a brat,
but I never called him-- What was the last one?
Oh, it'll come to me.
What do you want, Joker?
Oh, you know your Uncle Joker. Always stirring the pot.
[laughing]
Now listen carefully.
You will never get your belt back.
[laughs maniacally]
[Bat-Dad] Caution. Joker is a master manipulator.
Never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, get it back.
Oh, yes, I will.
-Will not. - Will too.
- Will not. - Will too.
Will not infinity. And don't say infinity plus one,
because I can do this all day.
Six weeks is his record.
And do you know how I can be so sure you'll never get it back?
Because it is so clear to me, and to everyone,
that you simply don't have what it takes to be a superhero.
[gasps]
I mean, look at your belt.
It's right there,
but I bet you couldn't even snatch it from old Penguin here.
Weak, old, pathetic, enfeebled, incontinent--
[The Penguin] Hey!
Oh, yeah? Give me back my belt.
Whoa! Easy, kid.
You heard the clown. I'm enfeebled.
Now, that's proper motivation.
My work here is done.
This plan better work.
All right, pipsqueak.
Come and get it.
[The Penguin laughs]
[both grunting]
[grunting]
Yeah!
[straining]
- [The Penguin grunts] - [groans]
[laughs]
[groaning]
[Bat-Dad groans] Warning.
Core processing unit damaged.
So long, Bat-Brat. [laughs]
[festive music playing]
Merry Christmas, Gotham.
[crowd gasps]
[laughs]
Now, look at that.
My ride's here.
Toodle-oo. [laughs]
This ends now.
[Bat-Dad] Warning. The damage I sustained
has compromised the suit's integrity.
Adjusting to compression at this altitude will bring power below critical level.
[Damian] Hang on. We're almost there.
Got room for one more?
Huh? For such a little kid,
you sure are a pain in the neck.
- [The Penguin laughs] - [Damian] Whoa.
Whoa, whoa.
[screaming]
[The Penguin] 23 skidoo.
I bid you adieu.
[grunts]
[Damian grunting]
What? He's a freak of nature.
[crowd screaming]
[Damian] Whoa!
[Bat-Dad] Warning. Power levels below critical.
[laughs]
[yells]
[both grunting]
Let go, kid. You'll kill us both.
Give it to me! Give it to me!
Give it to me!
Fine. Take it. I hope it was worth it.
- [The Penguin laughs] - [Damian screams]
No! [gasps]
What do I do? What do I do?
[Bat-Dad] Solution. Diverting remaining power
to my inflation systems will break your fall.
But what will happen to you?
I am sorry, Damian.
I will not survive.
No, you can't.
I'm sorry. I should have listened.
You were right about The Penguin.
About everything.
Please, no!
It's okay, Damian.
Remember, an important quality every good hero must possess
is the willingness to make sacrifice.
Bat-Dad, no!
Bye, Damian.
Initiating emergency inflation protocol
in three, two...
[Damian grunts]
[groaning]
Bat-Dad!
Damian, you will make a great hero one day.
[sniffles]
Don't leave me.
[Bat-Dad] Before shut down. I just want to thank you.
For what?
Giving me warm memories of my own.
[powering down]
[somber music playing]
Bat-Dad.
[crowd screaming]
[Gordon] ♪ Deck the halls with... ♪
Commissioner Gordon,
there's reports of mass destruction downtown
and a crime wave all across the city.
Calm down.
I've faced situations more dire than this before.
- [suspenseful music playing] - [sirens wailing]
I'll handle it.
♪ I'm so glad We have the Bat-Signal ♪
♪ La-la-la-la-la ♪
[grunts]
[gasps]
[woman gasps] The Bat-Signal.
They haven't turned that on in years.
Crime is back in Gotham.
Run for your lives, everyone.
[man] We gotta get out of here.
Save yourselves.
Christmas is ruined!
Wait! Wait!
Oh, biscuits.
[gasps]
Kid, you gotta get out of here.
Nothing is safe anymore.
- [grunts] - [man] Hey!
[Damian] Wait, wait, no!
- [groans] - [horn honks]
- [gasps] - [tires screeching]
- [crowd screaming] - [gasping]
Santa.
Oh, am I glad to see you.
Hey, that's the kid who wrecked the parade.
Way to go, jerk.
You ruined Christmas.
Wait, I can explain.
I just wanted to be a superhero.
- [man 1] Get back here. - [man 2] He's gonna pay.
- [man 1] Where did he go? - [man 2] Did you see him?
[whimpering]
Dad... [sniffles]
I wish you were here.
[distant whistling]
[gasps]
[panting]
[squeaking]
[whimpers]
[bottles clinking]
[whimpers]
[straining]
[gasps]
[whimpering]
I'm just a kid. Don't hurt me. I'm just a kid.
Alfred, what are you doing here?
Did you forget?
Your steaming mug of my world-famous hot cocoa with extra marshmallows.
Of course, that is, unless you think cocoa is kid stuff.
[gulping]
- Ah, there now, better? - [exhales]
[siren wailing in distance]
[somber music playing]
I'm in deep trouble, aren't I?
Oh, yes, most definitely, Master Wayne.
Yeah. I figured.
I just wanted to be Batman so bad.
Maybe if Dad didn't treat me like such baby...
Don't be so hard on your father.
He can overdo it sometimes,
but that's because he's trying to protect the one thing
you have that he never did.
A childhood.
[sighs] I'm no superhero.
I lost my belt. I destroyed my Batsuit.
I have no idea where I parked the bike.
I can't blame anyone but me.
Son, costumes and belts aren't what make a superhero--
I'm sorry. Did you say you misplaced the Batpod?
Um, never mind.
Damian, becoming Batman
takes precisely what your father has been attempting to teach you.
Focus, responsibility, sacrifice.
[sniffles] Don't forget high pain threshold.
[chuckles] Indeed.
And while you may not be a superhero yet, little one,
in my heart, I know one day you will be.
Thanks, Alfred.
But of course, my boy.
Now, come along.
I'd say we had enough excitement for one Christmas Eve.
[suspenseful music playing]
[wind blowing]
"Dear Little Batman,
you gave me the best Christmas gift ever.
Let me return the favor"?
[gas hissing]
[Damian mumbling woozily]
[continues mumbling]
Alfred? Alfred!
Where am I?
[tense music playing]
[balloon pops]
[goop bubbling]
Joker.
[Joker] ♪ Jingle Bells Batman smells ♪
♪ Robin laid an egg ♪
♪ The Batmobile Lost its wheel ♪
♪ And the Joker got away ♪
[laughing mischievously]
- Snow? - [Joker laughs]
[door thuds]
- Whoa, whoa! - [rumbling]
What the...
[rumbling continues]
[gas hissing]
[metal clanks]
["Sweet Gingerbread Man" playing over speakers]
♪ Fresh out of the pan Sweet gingerbread man ♪
♪ I'm twirling a cane Made of peppermint ♪
♪ Uh-huh ♪
♪ Nice sticky hands... ♪
[both laughing]
Oh, he's here. Don't just stand there.
It's nearly Christmas morning.
Come in, come in.
[objects clattering]
- [party horn toots] - You made it.
[all laughing]
I am so sorry the invite was so last minute.
What is this?
Uh, hello? Look around.
It's a Christmas party.
I don't know what you're up to, but I'm taking you all in.
Oh, please. Still trying the hero thing, are we?
Did we learn nothing from tonight, young man?
Some people...
[coughs] ...you,
just aren't cut out to be heroes.
Now, come enjoy the party.
Tonight, my boy, we're celebrating something very special.
Crime's triumphant return to Gotham.
And what better way to do it
than by stealing its Christmas.
[laughing evilly]
This is where you say, "Joker, you're mad.
Steal Christmas? But why?"
[in stoic voice] Joker, you're mad.
Steal Christmas? But why?
It all goes back to those glory days,
when my friends and I would terrorize Gotham.
[bell ringing]
[guard] Hey, get back here! After them!
You'll get yours in the end, Joker.
- [all laughing] - [Joker] Oh, how we'd laugh,
and laugh and laugh.
But then crime went away.
We were forced to... retire.
And as a result... [sniffles]
We drifted apart.
[Vicki] Gotham City just voted
the safest place on planet Earth.
[people cheering]
[Joker] Now, I always thought the joy came from committing crime.
Looking back, it was about committing crime together.
[all laughing]
Aw, you big softie.
[in normal voice] I don't understand.
What does any of this have to do with me?
The moment I saw the sheer mayhem
you were capable of, I realized that with your help,
we could kick this whole groovy caper
up a notch and a half.
- High five! - I'd never help you.
But you already did.
Your chaotic bat-boobery was a perfect distraction!
[blades whirring]
[Joker] While all eyes were on you,
we nabbed Christmas
- from every home in Gotham. - [tires screeching]
- [Bane laughing] - [woman groaning]
[Poison Ivy laughs] Oh!
[The Penguin cackles]
[Poison Ivy laughs]
[Bane chuckles]
[penguin squawking]
[penguins squawking]
[Joker] We set out to only steal Christmas,
but you... [giggles]
You destroyed it.
- [church bell tolling] - And now, thanks to you,
everyone is waking up to no Christmas.
I was just trying to get my belt back.
And in the process of this frankly, selfish pursuit,
you destroyed half the city.
Now that doesn't sound much like a superhero to me.
In fact, it sounds more like a super...
villain.
What? No. No, I'm not a--
Sure, you are.
Why do you think I brought you here?
You're one of us, kid.
[Bane grunting]
We couldn't have done it without you.
Yes. Thank you, from the bottom of our cold hearts.
[Joker] Thank you, indeed.
[all laughing]
I can't believe...
You're right.
Only a supervillain would ruin Christmas.
[sniffling]
That's right.
To thank you for your contribution,
we thought it'd be real swell if we all chipped in and got you something.
My utility belt.
Your upgraded utility belt.
We replaced all the useless safety gear
with more practical devices.
[Bane grunting]
Well said, Bane.
It's the perfect accessory for supervillains.
Think of all you went through to get that belt.
You earned it.
Take it.
[all chanting] Take the belt!
Take the belt! Take the belt!
Take the belt!
[chanting fades]
[Bruce] You must take my place and become... the Batman.
[Alfred] Becoming Batman takes precisely what your father
has been attempting to teach you.
[Bruce] Give me the belt.
You're clearly not ready for it.
There now.
Doesn't it feel good to get what you want?
I guess you're right, Joker.
I'm no superhero.
But then again, I'm not a supervillain, either.
See, Joker, being a superhero takes focus,
responsibility...
and sacrifice.
- [fire crackling] - [Damian grunts]
[all shrieking]
[whooshing]
[clanks]
Holy crap!
All right. Which one of you gave a little kid explosives?
It did seem like a good idea at the time.
That's not good.
My snow globe! You broke it.
Now I'm gonna break you.
You got it backwards, clown face.
I'm taking you down, all of you.
And I'm taking these presents back to the kids of Gotham.
I'm saving Christmas!
You ungrateful, little twerp.
I'm gonna chop you up like sardines.
[Damian grunting]
[grunts]
[laughs]
- Hiyah! - [Bane groans]
- Play ball! - [Damian yells]
[groans]
[groaning]
[panting]
- [grunts] - Crush him, Bane.
[Bane growling]
[Damian yells]
[yelling]
[Damian grunts]
All you had to do was take the belt,
and now I'm gonna take your head.
[card clangs]
[thuds]
Looks like you're in a little trouble, Little Batman.
- [The Penguin laughing] - [Poison Ivy chuckles]
[all laughing]
[Damian grunts]
- [grunting] - [The Penguin cackling]
No one poops on my party and lives.
[all laughing]
Yes.
- [whooshing] - What was that?
[whooshing]
[loud thud]
[Mr. Freeze mumbling]
[dramatic music playing]
[The Penguin gasps]
Dad!
[gasps] Thank goodness, I found you.
Are you okay? You have any boo-boos? Are you hurt?
[chuckles] Dad, I'm fine.
[Joker] How very touching.
Stand back, son.
Why didn't you tell me you were a father?
I thought we were friends.
I'm not your friend, Joker.
I gotta say, love the beard.
Really takes the intimidation game up a peg.
- Thanks. - [Poison Ivy grunts]
[Joker grunts]
Looks like it's time to kill two bats with one stone.
[grunts] Dad, I can do this.
Almost makes me miss my father.
But then I remember how he dumped my bassinet in the sewer!
[Bane growling]
Just leave him alone.
[Bane growling]
Come on, I've been fighting these guys all day.
Damian. I told you to stay back.
Dad, listen to me. I can help.
I said no, Damian. You're just a kid.
No, I'm not. I'm your kid, Dad.
[Joker cackling]
[in distorted voice] Dad!
[Bruce thuds on floor]
[ear ringing]
[The Penguin groans]
[groaning]
[Poison Ivy and Joker grunting]
[muffled] Don't worry, Dad. I'll protect you.
- Nobody hurts my dad. - [Joker grunting]
- What? - [Damian grunting]
Hiyah!
[yells]
- [grunts] Not so tough without these, are you? - [Bane grunting]
[all yelping]
[Damian grunts]
You okay, Dad?
He... he is my kid.
Batman is waking up.
[panting]
Leave my dad alone!
[Poison Ivy grunting]
Dude! Damian, rad ninja skills.
Thanks, Dad.
Where's the belt?
Long story.
Tell me later.
In the meantime...
Whoa!
Your utility belt?
Awesome!
Wait. What about you?
Always carry a spare.
Told you, you had a lot to learn.
Now, what do you say?
You need a wingman?
- More like a sidekick. - [The Penguin grunting]
Allow me to break the ice, Little Batman. [yells]
Come on, kiddo. Let's finish this.
[screams, grunts]
[screaming, grunts]
This is the best Christmas present ever.
Oh, no.
- [screams] - [splashes]
[grunts, coughs]
[Bane growling]
My back!
[laughing] Hot enough for you?
Not even close.
[chuckles]
Where's the little one?
[engine revs]
No! [grunts]
- [screams] - [splashes]
[Joker] You two look so cute together.
I almost hate having to blow you apart.
[launcher cocks]
Yeah, crush their stupid faces.
[Batarang whizzing]
[Mr. Freeze screams, thuds]
[screaming and thudding continues]
[splashing]
Uh-oh. Hit me, Damian!
Careful. Don't poke your eye out.
[laughs]
A Merry Christmas to me and to you,
a dark night.
[laughs] You missed!
That's kind of the point.
Oh. Oh, right, they're Batarangs.
[groaning]
["Silent Night" playing]
[sirens wailing]
[distorted groaning]
[distorted laughing]
[distorted] Merry Christmas.
- [grunts] - [villains] Ooh.
[both] Oh.
[both] ♪ Da-na-na-na-na-na ♪
[groaning]
How many times is he gonna fall in that junk?
Seriously, he should keep a snorkel in his suit pocket.
[Damian laughs]
[Batman] Ready to go home for Christmas?
[Damian] Actually, Dad, we have one last mission.
[sirens wailing faintly]
[clangs]
[Damian] Merry Christmas!
- [man] Look, it's Batman! - [woman] Batman!
- All right. - Hey, it's our stuff.
My drum set!
A one, and a two, and a joy to you.
All right, everyone. Christmas is back on.
[all grunt]
[marching band playing "Deck The Halls With Boughs Of Holly"]
[Damian laughing]
[man] Look, it's our presents.
- Christmas is saved. - [woman] Oh, wonderful.
[Alfred laughing]
[laughs] Go long.
[children laughing]
[all cheering]
Merry Christmas, Gotham City.
[yelps]
[slurps]
That would seem to be all the presents, young sir.
Nope. Still one left.
What's that?
- Merry Christmas, Dad. - [laughs]
I owed you a hug.
Best Christmas gift ever.
Hm, the price was right.
- [cat meows] - I beg your pardon, sirs,
but by any chance,
is there room for an old Englishman and a tabby in that embrace?
There always is.
Merry Christmas, guys.
[Damian sighs]
Damian, what's wrong?
I know it sounds silly, but I kind of feel bad for Joker.
Feel bad for Joker?
[laughs] That sounds insane.
I mean, he just hit me in the head with a mallet,
like an hour ago.
I know.
But all he wanted for Christmas was to not be alone.
My head still hurts, Damian.
- I mean, that mallet was like this big. - [Selina meows]
You know, Dad, you both say that you're sworn enemies.
- [Selina purring] - But deep down,
I think you and Joker really like each other.
Damian, he's a supervillain.
Mom's a supervillain.
Mom's... complicated.
A complicated supervillain.
[Alfred and Damian laugh]
Hey, don't you start.
Also, I hate the Joker.
♪ Jingle Bells, Batman smells Robin laid an egg ♪
[chuckles]
Sorry, it's the only Christmas song I know the words to.
Well, "smells" does rhyme with "bells."
I quite like that song.
♪ Jingle Bells, Batman smells ♪
[together] ♪ Robin laid an egg ♪
♪ The Batmobile Lost its wheel ♪
♪ And the Joker Had a nice dinner With all of his friends ♪
I'm not your friend.
["Just Another Christmas Song" playing]
♪ Uh... just another Christmas song ♪
♪ But this time I'll sing along ♪
♪ Uh... Just another Christmas song ♪
♪ But this time I'll sing along ♪
♪ I'm dreaming of A white Christmas ♪
♪ With jingle bells In the sky ♪
♪ Do you see what I see? ♪
[vocalizing]
♪ Christmas tree ♪
♪ It's the same old song ♪
- ♪ But I'll sing along ♪ - ♪ Just another Christmas song ♪
♪ But this time I'll sing along ♪
- ♪ I'm gonna sing along ♪ - ♪ Just another Christmas song ♪
♪ But this time I'll sing along ♪
- ♪ Just another little song ♪ - ♪ Just another Christmas song ♪
♪ But this time I'll sing along ♪
♪ I said I think I'll sing along ♪
♪ Just another Christmas song ♪
♪ But this time I'll sing along ♪
[vocalizing]
♪ This time I'll sing along ♪
♪ But this time I'll sing along ♪
[children] Merry Christmas, everybody!
[Bat-Dad] Merry Christmas, guys.