In 3 world where only 0315 were living
where the heroes ran in short supply
to a land so harsh and unforgiving
rode a hero, the blaz/ng samurai
when one town was found to be in danger
from the evildoers dropping by
who appeared? That brave and mighty stranger
to save the day came the blazing samurai
sent by the shogun with arrows and blowgun
his nunchucks could poke out an eye
trained in bushido, the samurai's credo he mastered a/kido
he really was one awesome guy
he was legend with his sword a-s wing/ng
I/illains feared his fearsome battle cry
conquered hate with justice he was bringing
he took a stand to save the land
praise the blazing samurai
where did that come from?
The title department.
That blue should be more blue blue.
That's wrong.
You can't climb those. Start again.
You like these?
How's everything coming along?
The shogun is coming to visit in one week.
Everyone knows he's trying to decide who his successor will be.
And if I have anything to do with it, it'll be me.
I've spared no expense making this the grandest palace in the land.
Imported mice to chase.
Fine couches to ruin.
And the crown Jewel of the palace,
my state-of-the-art bathroom.
Behold, the future!
I call it the super bowl.
Because that's what it is, a super bowl.
Impressive.
I hope the shogun thinks so.
The only thing left to solve is our little problem.
- Kakamucho? - Precisely.
What do you do when you're a landlord, and you have tenants you really hate?
You evict them.
But the town's been there for thousands of years.
I give you an order, and you give me facts. Really?
The only fact I'm interested in
is that that hair ball of a town is ruining my magnificent view.
We've got to wipe them off the map to make this palace absolutely perfect.
But what about the samurai that's there to protect them?
Just get rid of their samurai! The fraidy-cats will follow.
But make sure it can't be traced back to me.
Bandits!
You warn the others. I'll get the samurai.
Stranger danger! Stranger danger!
Mr. Samurai! Mr. Samurai!
Bad cats are coming! We need your help!
I've got this. I know exactly what to do.
Samurai, we're coming for you!
Bring it on, bandits!
Oh, no!
I know these events look dire,
but we must stand on our own four legs and fight.
This is our home.
It is the sacred place where our kittens were born
and where we will one day join our ancestors
in a shoebox buried behind the garage.
Dr. Katz, you have something to say?
No, I just got a hair ball.
What we need is a samurai.
We still can't find the last one. We even put up posters.
What we need is a new samurai.
Not it!
No! Think.
Where did we get our old samurai?
Samurais "r" us?
No, from the shogun!
So why don't we ask the shogun to send us a new one?
Okay, I've got it.
Why don't we ask the shogun to send us a new one?
Work, work, work. Let's see, what's on the agenda today?
Catfights on the western front.
Cat-scratch fever breaking out in the east.
What's this? Our sacred soil has been soiled by a dog who crossed the border?
Probably a border collie.
Fortunately, he's been apprehended.
Oh, well. You break the law, you pay the price.
It's not personal, it's just business.
And you know what they say,
"there's no business like shogun business!"
I've got an urgent message!
From the cats of kakamucho!
Well, spit it out.
An urgent tweet from kakamucho?
"Bandits ravaging village, stop. We need a new samurai, stop.
This reign of terror has to stop, stop."
Okay, tell them I'll send someone right away.
Marmalade! I need to make a call.
Get me what's-his-name.
I have ika chu on line two.
Good, very good, yes.
Pikachu, how's it going?
- Pikachu, how's it going? - Peek-a-boo, how's it going?
Peek-a-who... peek-a-you...
Koo koo roo... Scooby-doo... toodle-oo...
Pikachu, how's it going?
It's ika chu, my divine fabulousness.
I'm so excited and grateful that you will honor me with your presence
for the unveiling of my latest creation.
I promise to amaze you.
Listen, I gave you a call because I just got this urgent appeal
from the town of kakamucho.
Seems they've been set upon by bandits!
Can't have ordinary law-abiding cats terrorized, can we?
Of course we can't, your worshipfulness.
I promised them we'd send a new samurai
and I'm putting you in charge of it, Nike shoe.
- Oh, sir, I'm so excited and grateful. - Good, good.
And don't forget, I'll be there next week to see my new palace.
Looking foward to you knocking my socks off.
Hey, I'm gonna have to put you on hold.
Here, hold this.
No, no, no! This could ruin everything.
"Send a new samurai to kakamucho." I just got rid of the last one!
I have to do what the shogun says
but in a way that will benefit me.
Yes, that's it! I need a new plan.
But what can that plan be?
Why am I asking you?
All right, get up.
It's time.
Here, this is for you.
What's that for?
Oh, that. That's for your execution.
What? But I haven't done anything.
I don't understand.
You came to this country illegally. It's strictly no dogs allowed.
Didn't you know? Cats hate dogs.
But dogs are lovable. How could you hate a dog?
My dad hated dogs and that's good enough for me.
It's not really based on logic.
- It just feels right to hate, you know? - Yeah, makes sense to me.
Now severing number one.
Number one?
Number one.
- I don't want to. - What?
I don't want to do that. I don't want to go up there.
- Okay, then. You don't have to. - Really? Thank you.
Of course. I mean, what are we, barbarians?
Archers!
Hey! I'm trying to think up here!
I know you got a lot of prisoners to kill, but please, can you keep it down?
- Sorry! - Yeah? Thank you.
There he goes.
- Get him! - Come on, move!
Hey, can't we just talk this out?
- I don't speak dog. - But wait.
- We're communicating right now. - No, we're not.
- You just understood me. - No, I didn't.
You should've never come here, dog! You don't belong.
There he is!
Doggone it!
Plan, plan...
What I need... yes!
I'll send the worst samurai in the entire world,
and they do a terrible job.
But where do you look for something truly bad?
Wait, please! I only came to your country to learn to be a samurai.
As if a dog could ever become a samurai.
Never! A dog.
A dog!
Hold your fire!
- Nice save. - Always happy to lend a hand.
Hi there. Who's a good dog?
Yeah, who's a good dog? Who's a good dog?
Does this mean you're not gonna kill me?
On the contrary! Let's talk about what you can do for me.
I am offering to make you the new samurai of kakamucho.
- Kakamucho? What's that? - In the way.
But that's not as important as you are at this lucky, lucky moment.
Are you sure I'm ready to defend an entire town?
Maybe I should start out as a mall samurai.
What?
No, no.
Time to get my new samurai to kakamucho,
so you can hurry up and die-i-ive...
Dive right in.
Whoa, uh...
So, do I get a badge or a certificate or a...
You know, something official-like?
There you go. Makes it all official.
Wow. A samurai cup.
Yes, they've all got one. Just show that around.
"Wow, he's got a cup. He's a samurai. We'd better do what he says."
Well, better get going. That town isn't gonna samurai itself.
But I don't know where I'm going!
Don't worry, the horse knows. He's got GPS.
Giddy-up, uh, positioning system.
Why are you sending the dog to defend kakamucho?
They will kill him.
And the orphanage said you would never speak.
Yes, they will kill him.
And killing an official samurai... Why, that's against the law!
I would have to arrest all of them.
And that would leave no one in the town where I want no one.
You did know where we were going.
It's the latest thing. It's called a "gun."
Is it dangerous?
Don't be silly, guns don't kill cats. Cars and curiosity kill cats.
What's a car?
Careful. You're being curious.
He's coming, he's coming!
There he is! The new samurai!
The new samurai's a dog.
He's a what?
The new samurai is a dog!
The new samurai is a dong?
"Welcome to kakamucho."
Okay. Here goes nothing.
Welcoming committee?
Maybe this won't be so bad.
Okay, first day on the job. Make eye contact, smile...
- It's a dog! - He's gonna ruin everything!
Let's kill him before the new samurai arrives.
Sic him!
Kill him! Tear him up!
Sit!
Now that's what I call wokking the dog.
Yeah, because she hit that dog with a wok!
Is he dead?
Hey, see if he has any snacks in his pockets.
Oh, it's a trick! He's playing dead.
- Bad doggy! - Dang it.
- Sic him! - Wait, can we just talk for one minute?
Shut up, dog!
I am the new samurai, I am! Look, here's my cup.
Let him have it!
Stop! He is the new samurai.
It says he's been appointed by the shogun himself.
Well, that is... wow. I did not see that coming.
Give me that! You must be confused, little girl.
Well, this is certainly disappointing.
What is?
I can't read.
She is right. It's official.
So we cannot kill him?
Yeah, no.
Yeah, I know, I know. We're all disappointed.
But we can still hate him, right?
Absolutely!
You are, number one, not a cat.
Number two, you are a dog, so that goes back to you not being a cat.
And three, you are definitely not a samurai
because you are a dog, and that goes back to you not being a cat.
Go back where you came from, car chaser!
Again, what's a car?
Stop being curious. You'll kill us all.
Are you really a dog?
- Yes, I am a dog. - Told you.
I didn't know dogs could be samurai.
Well, they can, and I...
- Wait, why not? - Your sword's on backwards.
No, it's not, actually. Is it?
- Do you know how this is supposed to go? - I know a few things about samurai-ing.
Fair enough. How about I deputize you as my official assistant?
Bad dog!
Don't talk to him.
Did you touch him? Time to use our hand sanitizers.
No, no, no!
Doggamn it!
What kind of a world do we live in
where good and upright citizens can't be counted on
to kill someone just because they look different?
We could try beating them up again.
Only problem is they still have a samurai.
You're kidding me, right? He's a labradork.
Put his tail between his legs and let's finish this!
Okay. Here goes nothing.
Wow.
Excellent.
That's right. I'm a samurai now!
Take that! Take that! Oh, yeah!
How 'bout a little nip?
A little catnip.
- I don't think I'm... - More for me.
Who are you?
My friends call me jimbo.
And since I have no friends,
I guess you can call me jimbo too.
I guess it works either way.
Well, jimbo, I'm Hank,
and I'm the new samurai.
New samurai, huh?
You know, your sword's on backwards.
Oh, and I suppose you know everything because you're a samurai.
I know you're not.
- Why, because I'm a dog? - No, because you're an idiot.
No real samurai would be caught dead wearing that.
Is that a bathrobe? You get that from a hotel?
You're not a samurai, are you?
I know. Right. I'm not.
I came here to learn to be a samurai, and then I got this job,
but I don't have the slightest idea what I'm doing.
Is there a book?
You know, an instruction manual, like how to be a samurai?
You mean samurai for dummies?
-Yes!
That would be dumb.
Ow! Okay, that hurts.
Okay, ow! Oh, that's... agh!
You'd better get out there.
It's samurai time.
You're the samurai, right?
- It looks a little dangerous out there. - Oh, yeah, dangerous.
That's n.W.A. Out there. Ninjas with attitude.
But you go ahead, it'll be great! You are the samurai.
- Look at that. It's that mean old lady. - Yes, it is.
- Now I have to... - Yes, you do.
Maybe I could just go talk to them. You know, work this out.
- You should do that. - I will.
You go reason with them.
Uh, excuse me?
Excuse me, please.
Excuse me!
Get lost, dog. This is cat business!
Don't listen to him. You guys are doing a great job.
Sword's still on the wrong side.
My eyes are up here.
Right in the eye.
Interesting choice, using your face to block those punches.
I wouldn't have considered that.
- Yeah, well, what do you know? - Enough not to get my butt kicked.
I got to get some samurai training.
I don't think training can help you.
Couldn't hurt. What am I supposed to do?
If I were you, I would consider going home.
Maybe being a lapdog.
- I can't leave. - Sure you can.
I've got nowhere else to go! It took everything I had to come here.
Then it's, "hey, get shot full of arrows or take this job," so here I am.
I've got to make this samurai thing work. I have to. But first I need to learn.
Sounds like you need a mentor.
Dog breath?
Not mentos. Mentor! A teacher.
To take you under his wing, teach you all he knows. That kind of thing.
That's exactly what I need.
Perhaps a once-great samurai who has fallen on hard times
and maybe could use some help himself.
But where could I find one?
Hey! It's you!
What? Get out of here! Who even made that?
Don't believe everything you read.
This is traditionally the place in a movie where the hero meets his big opportunity.
You're my guy. Come on, train me.
- But you're a dog. - Is that what's bothering you?
There's a lot about you that's bothering me.
Like, for instance, how you got here.
It wasn't easy, that's for sure.
I had to cross impassable seas, unclimbable mountains
and really nasty midtown trafl'ic.
But why do you want to be a samurai?
I was always the runt. Everybody always picked on me.
Ilived in a bad neighborhood in a bad part of town full of bad dogs.
But this day, someth/ng awesome happened.
He moved almost faster than your eye could see.
And then he was gone.
A samurai in a strange land took the time to help...
That's why I came here. To learn to be just like him.
I even kept his sword.
I've been wondering where that went. Thank you!
Wait a minute.
That's your sword?
Then that means you're...
I don't want to talk about it.
But will you train me?
- Nope. - Why?
- Because you're so busy? - No, because you're so brainless.
I showed you my movie, the whole flashback thing.
I don't believe it!
I'm out of here.
And I never want to see you again.
You.
How much did you hear?
Samurai Hank needs your help.
Are you not bound by your samurai oath to help him?
You mean the one that says I can't turn my back on those in need?
Yeah, that one.
Well, maybe.
That's not what...
Stupid oath!
The cuteness is strong with this one.
- What's this? - It is a contract
between a student, you, and a teacher, me.
Uh, why do we need a contract?
Because at this moment it would be so nice if I weren't here.
And if you break this contract, I won't be.
Besides, it's very straightfon/vard.
You swear to be brave, honorable, protect those in need, not seek glory,
finish what you start and always obey your master.
- The samurai oath! - Yes.
And if you break it, our contract is broken. And you go home.
Should I have my attorney look at that first?
We don't have that kind of time. Now, sign here.
Defend yourself!
What am I supposed to do with a stick?
Lesson one.
It is not so important what you do as it is important that you do something.
A warrior has catlike reflexes.
- I'm not a cat, I'm a dog! - Nobody's perfect.
Wait. That music.
Hey, this is the training montage, isn't it?
Can't we just skip ahead to the part where I'm good?
No. This is my favorite part. The part where you suffer.
Cross the river! Any way you can!
To a cat, nothing is unclimbable!
Did I mention I wasn't a cat?
Just make it to the other side of the wall. Then you will be ready.
Want to give me a hand?
Very funny!
Don't forget to land on your...
Feet.
Nope.
Uh-uh. Nope.
I'm starting to think you don't know what you're doing.
I know exactly what I'm doing.
I'm talking about training. You said you could make me a samurai.
I can make you a pizza. But I cannot make you into anything.
That power's only within yourself.
You said you would help me, not just whack me with stuff.
I've been whacked my whole life. That's why I came here.
To learn to be a samurai.
You want glory. You know nothing of being a true samurai.
I'm starting to think you don't either.
And you know what? I don't even believe you are a real samurai.
So what happened to you?
How did you go from being a samurai
to a washed-up loser who drinks too much catnip,
has an obvious weight problem,
no real friends to speak of, is prediabetic...
That's enough!
There was a time I was chief bodyguard
of a very important official named toshiro tyfune.
He was a real cool cat. With greatness ahead of him.
- Is this gonna be a flashback? - Don't interrupt me.
If it's a flashback, you should project it. It really brings it to life.
I don't need the projector. It's an old-fashioned remembering.
Now stop interrupting.
We'd been summoned to a meeting late one night.
It was all very mysterious.
Just didn't feel right.
It's an ambush! Get down!
"Happy birthday"?
I not only rumed
the biggest night of his life, I spayed and neutered his in-laws.
I broke my samurai oath.
I was shamed.
That's why I left.
I'll make you a deal.
We'll help each other.
Not helpful.
Today we begin something new.
I learned I cannot teach a dog to be a cat.
What I must do is teach a dog to be a better dog.
What's that?
The blindfold is to help you focus.
Now listen. Tell me what you hear.
I hear you talking and moving.
- Good. - I hear a bird.
- That's it. - I smell flowers actually.
Dogs have a keen sense of smell and excellent hearing.
I hear a dragonfly.
I smell wood burning.
I smell tea brewing.
Hey, are you making nachos? 'Cause someone just cut the cheese.
Lesson over.
Well done.
In battle as in life,
a samurai strives to maintain his balance.
And always defeats strength with smart.
I can dig it!
You must control your fear, or fear will control you.
It is a dance in which a samurai controls his space and his body.
What are you learning?
I don't like sticks as much as I used to?
What are you learning in here?
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in...
No! It is the size of the dog in the fight.
A big dog has fewer problems. Let me demonstrate.
Hold this.
See?
That wouldn't happen to a big dog.
We're still behind schedule.
The shogun will be here in three days!
Oops.
I'm surrounded by imbeciles! Complete morons!
It must be so hard for you. The Patience and kindness that you show.
Ohga, don't take this the wrong way, okay?
But you are a total failure and a major disappointment. No offense.
None taken. Constructive criticism is always welcome.
I didn't expect much of you, and you still disappointed me.
Listen.
The cats of kakamucho are no closer to leaving than when we started.
If you can't get the job done, perhaps it's time for a real professional.
Send in the beast.
Now get out.
Do you mind? You're harshing my mellow.
Oh. Sorry.
- Teach me something. - How about Patience?
Come on, teach me anything.
Seriously, let's do this. I'm ready for it.
- How about these? - You're not ready for those.
How hard can it be?
Samurai Hank!
Sumo is in town!
- What's a sumo? - He's a giant!
Samurai Hank, you have to do something!
- Right. - Oh, no!
No, no, no, no, no.
No way! You are not ready. Not even close.
- Okay, then we'll go together. - No, no, no.
Not my job. Not my fight. And you are not prepared.
So is someone going to do something?
- Yeah, is someone gonna do something? - No, someone's not.
You know she's gonna go over there.
Not my student.
Not my problem.
Sword!
What are you doing? I had him!
I know you did, but this is kind of my job.
I could totally take that guy!
You should know that I am a highly trained... mostly trained... warrior
skilled in the ways of karate and swordplay.
As well as musical theater.
In your own best interest, you should surrender.
You're under arrest!
Wait!
You've got something on your...
Sumo have edamame bean on face.
Sumo very allergic.
So, we're all good then?
Jimbo?
Is your plan to let him hit you until he gets tired?
- Maybe. - Bold plan.
Here he comes!
You wanted to be a samurai. Fun, isn't it?
Now go get him!
You can do it, Hank!
He has told you his weakness. Remember, you defeat strength with smart.
Now get back out there.
Head in the game, Hank!
Yeah! That just happened!
I'm a bad dog.
Did you see what I just did there? It was beautiful.
And I would say "congratulations,"
but since you're already doing that yourself,
let's get him to a doctor.
Oh, yeah, absolutely. Got to do that.
I might've really hurt him. I mean, look at him.
Did that hurt?
Didn't feel a thing.
What about that?
Nope.
Listen, sorry I had to do all this to you.
Sometimes I'm surprised by my own strength.
There's a new sheriff in town, all right?
Better not let me catch you breaking the law again, you feel me?
You're free to go.
No one ever beat sumo before.
No one ever nice before. Now have feelings for Hank.
Sumo want to live in kakamucho with Hank.
Well, who doesn't? Safe town like this one with great law enforcement.
Psst! It's for you.
I wanted to say thank you for defeating sumo.
And you are welcome.
Only one thing. We can never talk on the street or anything like that.
It just wouldn't look right, you being a... you know.
Yeah, I got you.
Here.
Thank you. You're Chuck, right?
- Mmm, no. - Chuck!
- We have to go. - I have to go.
Samurai Hank?
We wanted to give you something.
"We"?
So your mom wanted to throw me a bone?
No, my mom said to hand it to you.
Why would she do that?
Well, if I threw it, it might get on the ground, all dirty and icky.
No, I meant why would she want to give me something?
To thank you for saving our town.
You are the best dog samurai I have ever seen.
I am the only dog samurai you have ever seen.
But I got to say, you're kind of right.
I am mighty impressive as far as samurais go.
Are you all finished?
'Cause it's getting late, and a samurai needs his sleep.
Really looks like things are turning around for me, eh?
You got lucky, kid. Don't let it go to your head.
Luck? Please.
I should be registered as a lethal weapon.
Pride goeth before a fall.
What do you mean, your ninjas are afraid?
Since the dog defeated sumo, none of my cats want...
The shogun will be here in two days! I don't care if your ninja are afraid.
Take them down to that roadblock of a town and really just...
- You know what I've done? - Your hair and a catty-pedi?
Yes. But no.
I've outsmarted my own self by employing that dog.
Oh, nice.
Me likey.
The problem with the good citizens of kakamucho
is there are too many good citizens in kakamucho.
It's time to take care of this mutt myself
with the ultimate weapon.
Sumo, like butterfly that was once caterpillar,
fly like dandelion.
It's a hat. And this one's a boat.
That is really good.
Oops. That was the hat.
- What did you make? - A swan.
And some other stuff.
Oh, wow. That's amazing.
You can make anything out of folded paper.
All right, make me a sandwich.
It's not a sandwich, but here, I made you something.
For good luck.
Looks like me.
It will always remind you of who you are.
Who you are? Let's concentrate on who you are not.
And that would be a samurai.
Come on, jimbo, we're just enjoying a beautiful day.
The sun is shining, birds are singing.
And besides, I deserve a break for taking care of sumo.
I mean, just look at him.
Butterfly, oh...
That's just the point.
You have one little, itsy-bitsy, tiny weeny bite of success...
- I'm sorry, tiny what? - "Tiny what" what?
- What? - What?
The point is, this is no time for celebrating.
It's time to double your efforts and train even harder. Now get to it.
Hank!
My brawling, battling hero.
Sorry, I hope I'm not bothering you. Am I?
No, I was just getting a workout in.
Sure.
Very impressive, you defeating sumo. Oh, wow!
It was nothing.
I'm sure it was... nothing.
Anyway, I came here to invite you out on the town to celebrate.
Tonight, I'm taking you to the most exclusive club in the country.
Even the members aren't allowed in.
Wow, thank you, but I can't go.
I promised my teacher I'd stay focused on my training.
Right. Sounds like your teacher is someone who's unhappy
and wants everyone else to be unhappy too.
Do you like fun? You like fun, don't you?
- Of course I like fun! Fun is so fun! - Fun is fun, isn't it?
The clue is in the word.
Drive. Bye! See you later! We'll have fun.
It's just one night. It's not a big deal.
It is a big deal. It's the only deal.
You committed to me to go to the end, and I did the same for you.
You are breaking your word.
I am not breaking my word. We can start training again tomorrow.
But tonight I'm gonna have some fun with my boss.
I am your boss.
- What? - I am your boss!
- My boss? - I tell you what to do, and you do it.
I thought you were my friend.
I am your teacher. Your mentor.
As I told you when we met, I am not yourfriend.
A samurai has only duty, not friends.
Not my friend. Well, that just sounds sad.
Like someone who is unhappy and wants everyone else to be unhappy too.
Well, I don't want to be unhappy. I'm gonna go have some fun.
I hope you succeed in having fun
because you have failed in everything else.
You know a lot about failure, don't you?
I defeated the unbeatable sumo in battle and saved the town.
You can't even get a birthday party right.
Don't wait up.
Bow and wow. This place is awesome!
Where are you going?
- End of the line? - Are you kidding?
Hank, don't you get it? There are no lines for you.
You are samurai Hank, the hero of kakamucho!
Oh, my gosh! That's samurai Hank, the hero of kakamucho!
"Vip." what's that mean?
V.i.p. Very important pooch.
- After you. - I don't have any ID.
You have something better than ID. You have celebrity.
Wait!
- Can I have your autograph, Hank? - Um, sure.
Now this is what being a top dog is all about.
Private table, Hank? Dog treat, Hank? Scratch behind your ears, Hank?
Oh, my gosh! Can we take a picture with you?
- You look hot. - Who licks your hair?
Thank you, Hank!
You're my favorite samurai!
Is it everything I promised?
Don't get me wrong, this is all so fantastic. It's just...
You don't think that I'm being a glory seeker, do you?
Hank, never miss an opportunity to pat yourself on the back.
And there's no other place I would rather you be tonight.
You ready? Let's do this!
The ninjas are here! Samurai Hank! The ninjas are...
Right here!
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Good job. Well done.
Autograph, lovely touch there. Little bonus for you.
Thank you. Thank you. Good job. Well done.
Jimbo.
Yo, jimbo! Jimbo.
You're okay? What happened here?
The ninjas showed up again last night.
And where were you? Having fun with your boss.
- What about you? - I failed my oath for the last time.
Where's my sword?
Right.
They've taken sumo to the fortress dungeon.
Now I'm going to get him back.
I'll go with you. We're both samurai and...
You are not samurai! You were a selfish idiot.
Today, you are nothing.
You just don't want to admit that I beat sumo.
- You never... - You really believe that?
Edamame was responsible for your greatest victory.
Edamame? What does that have to do...
I failed to teach, and you failed to learn.
I've learned a lot from you.
Like when things get tough, you can hide in the bottom of a bottle.
I'm sorry, jimbo. I didn't mean that.
You're on the horse backwards.
Goodbye, dog.
See ya, cat!
Where were you, "great samurai"?
Thanks for nothing!
'Cause guess what? You did nothing!
And I'm thanking you sarcastically!
Good, I'm out of here.
Gonna get on the first boat and get home and...
That's right. Go.
- Emiko. - Go back home.
Maybe my mom was right.
Maybe dogs can't be samurai!
It will always remind you of who you are.
What are you doing here?
I couldn't help myself. I'm a dog. That makes me loyal.
So I'm here to make things right.
You really think you can just come back here,
and that makes everything okay?
As a matter of fact, I do. I'm back! You should be happy.
Well, I'm not.
You might as well turn around and go back where you came from.
I'm not going anywhere.
Sumo is in there, and I'm not leaving until we get him out.
We can resolve our differences later.
What now?
You defeat strength with smart. Somebody taught me that.
Do you have any ideas?
This is smart?
Watch your back!
- You do care. - Only about saving sumo.
You I could do without.
Now what?
We have to figure out a way in.
- Pretty good idea, huh? - Stop wagging your tail.
I didn't say it was a good idea, I just said it doesn't suck.
All right, genius, which way?
To the left.
What do you got?
Got a d-o-g who's d-o-a. Want to get him out of sight, p-d-o.
A-s-a-p, huh? Okay.
I'm not even a full-time security guard! I'm just a temp!
Let's roll, fido.
Okay. Now, this could be difficult and might take a while,
so let's split up.
I'll take the areas to the north and west. You go south and east.
Let's try to be methodical about this.
There could be thousands of cells here, and this could take hours, maybe days.
He's right over here.
Hey, sumo, we're here to save you.
Guess we should've stolen some keys.
Stand back.
Well, at least you tried.
Doggy door.
Uh, complication in the "saving him" department.
Hank no need to save sumo.
Sumo just prawn in ocean of life.
Of course we have to save you. You're our friend.
Fiends?
Sumo overcome with emotion.
While I appreciate the bro-fest, we should probably get out of here.
Wait a second. I've got to Mark my territory.
We don't have time for that.
But it's a dog thing. I want them to know I was here.
I even had asparagus last night.
We don't have time!
- We have to get back to kakamucho. - When we get there, what's the plan?
At this moment, it is not so important what we do
as it is important that we do something.
Not sure yet what that something is.
Remember! Fear is only in your mind.
And a little bit in my kimono.
Jimbo!
- Jimbo, no! - Both of you get out of here.
- What about you? - Don't worry about me!
You have to get back to kakamucho.
But we're a team.
No, I have to do this. And there is no team in I.
But there is an I
in samurai.
You can't die! Our issues aren't resolved yet!
Heimlich maneuver.
You saved my life! But you touched me.
If that ever happens again, let me die, okay?
Now, what is it?
The prisoner escaped.
You let the big cat out of the bag, didn't you?
Of course you did.
Right. Okay. Now, someone is going to pay for this.
I'm not saying who, but probably someone very, very stupid.
Do you know what a scapegoat is, ohga?
No, but if there's a goat around here, I will have him arrested immediately.
Ah, brainless. Absolute...
And that goes for all of you.
Anyway, never mind. I already have another plan progressing nicely.
A much bigger plan with even more deadly consequences.
My lord, pardon the intrusion.
- What is it? - It's the super bowl.
It's overflowing!
Jiggle the handle! Jiggle the handle!
Where's everyone going?
Emiko, what's going on?
Emiko?
- Emiko! - Look at this! Have you read this?
- No. - Well, would you read it to me?
"Help wanted: Vicious killers for the destruction of kakamucho.
Prior criminal record a must. An equal-opportunity employer."
Can't you see this is just the last act of a desperate cat?
We don't care if it's the first act of mamma Mia!
We're leaving before that army gets here.
Right. How are we doing? Let's see.
Cutthroats, good. Bounty hunters, desperados, biker gangs, excellent.
Mugs, thugs, nitwits, dimwits, mobsters, muggers, bushwhackers.
Hornswogglers, serial killers...
Studio executives?
Wow, it looks like everyone's here. Great!
What about him?
Well, yes,
he is scary, but in the wrong way.
Arrest him.
Wait, wait! Please, hear me out.
You all need to know something.
In an heroic effort to protect your town, today we lost jimbo.
No, no, not jimbo!
- Who's jimbo? - I don't know.
- Didn't he date your sister? - No, that was gumbo.
Why did you even come back?
We're leaving, Hank.
We're all gonna start new lives somewhere else.
Sure. Go.
After all, you're cats. You've got nine lives, right?
But I'm a dog. I have one life.
And the best thing that happened to me in this one life
is this town.
You had faith in me. You trusted me.
And I want to earn that trust back so bad,
I'm willing to lay my one life down for your, uh...
Let's see, 247 times 9, um, and then carry the 5...
2,223.
- 2,000? - 223.
Right. Now what do you say?
Life is short,
and this movie is only 85 minutes long, not including end credits.
So we have to hurry.
If we're gonna save this town,
we have to find a way beyond judging each other strictly on
labels like "dog" and "cat."
Together, we can get past all that.
We can all be better
together!
It's a metaphor, saying we are all the same.
Look different on the outside, but we can choose for ourselves
what our insides look like.
See now, the big guy makes a lot of sense.
Right? So, sumo, what do we do now?
So what do we do?
Well, step one,
we need to destroy their lines of communication.
I've cut the telephone line!
Step two,
someone taught me that we can make anything out of folded paper.
How's everyone doing? Feeling evil? Yeah?
Don't be stingy with the poison on those arrows.
Everyone get plenty to eat?
You can't crush the innocent on an empty stomach, can you?
Enjoy the entrée because dessert is death and destruction.
Who knew an evil army could go through so many beans?
Right. Assemble the troops!
Ah, the smell of victory in the air.
Go, my terrible army!
Go to kakamucho and do your worst!
Oh, and don't forget,
save your receipts!
The signal. They're coming!
They're coming!
It's showtime. All right, everyone knows what to do.
This is the best bit, isn't it?
Waiting for the death and destruct...
Nah, the best bit is the death and destruct...
This is the second best bit.
Kakamucho is going out of business. Everything must go!
Ah, yes!
Go, team, go!
They're falling for it! They're falling for it!
- Ichiro! - I'm right here.
You're up.
One, you got to account for elevation and wind. And two...
- Got to watch for birds. - Whoops.
- Bird got in the way. - Just try again.
I only had the one bullet.
What are we gonna do?
They'll find out any minute that we folded them a fake town.
We've been tricked!
Oh, my.
Time to clean up this town.
Let's go get 'em!
Way to go, emiko! Woo-woo!
Mom, you're embarrassing me.
Sit!
It's the shogun!
What was that?
Now that's a car.
My magnificence.
What in the wide, wide world of sports is going on here?
That's him! The troublemaking dog that started all this.
Arrest that dog!
- Arrest the dog. - Yes!
Ouch. Oh, come on.
Ohga, take care of him!
Is he sick?
No, you simpleminded twit! Finish him!
Jimbo, you're alive!
- So that's jimbo! - See? He did date your sister.
Okay, okay, that's enough.
Down, boy!
Jimbo, is that you?
Toshi?
You are the shogun?
Yeah, sure.
It took years to work my way up through the ranks, but look at me now.
What happened to you?
I was shamed, my lord. I am so, so sorry.
- I ruined your birthday. - Are you kidding?
Best birthday party I ever had!
Most surprise parties are so boring.
But that year, that was a real surprise.
I tell that story all the time. Always brings the house down.
And the stuff with your in-laws?
My in-laws, oh! Please, don't get me started.
In-laws you don't pick. Friends you choose.
And you, jimbo, are my friend.
So you forgive me?
Forgiven. Forgotten. No biggie.
Hey, life's short. Like me. Let's move on.
So, what's up with the dog?
That "dog" was defending kakamucho.
A dog defending the town? Why?
Because lord ika here was trying to get rid of it.
Don't believe him! I was just trying to get rid of that dog!
You see? Nike shoe was only trying to get rid of the dog.
But, sir, that dog isn't what you think he is.
He isn't?
I'm not following you. Can someone else explain this?
Allow me.
Ika chu wanted to get rid of the dog
because he was getting in the way of his plan
to frighten the cats of kakamucho
so that he could wipe their town off the map
in order to make his palace absolutely perfect.
Wha...?
Did I leave anything out?
Brains?
Well, peek-a-boo, what do you got to say for yourself?
You want an explanation?
You're gonna get one.
I am...
Running away!
Looks like we got a little more samurai-ing to do.
Oh, you...
Wait, wait, stop, stop!
Right.
I have something very important to tell you, Hank.
What is it?
I am your father.
- No, you're not. - No, I'm not.
I distracted you!
I'm certainly not about to get outwitted by a stupid dog
who's not even a real samurai.
Oh, but you're wrong. I am a real samurai.
I got a cup right here that says so!
Grab on!
No! No, see... ohga!
You don't understand this concept, do you?
I will save you!
Oh, my.
What the flush?
Ohga! Are you feeling what I'm feeling?
I am, sir.
Thar she blows!
This palace is gonna blow.
And when it does, all this water is going straight down to...
Kakamucho!
- What can we do? - We don't have much time.
We've got to do something.
One, please.
Guys, you got to help me! The giant toilet is overflowing!
Have you tried to jiggle the handle?
Too late for that. But I have an idea.
We're listening.
But you better make it snappy!
We've had our differences,
but the times we've actually worked together we've accomplished a lot.
So if you trust me, I think we can save the town.
That was pretty snappy.
What do you want us to do?
Dig!
But cats don't dig.
Okay, so you don't dig. Can you swim?
You heard him. Dig!
Hurry up!
Where are they?
Help! Help!
Help!
Emiko!
I've got you.
Well, that pretty much wraps things up.
Almost 85 minutes exactly.
All that's left is appointing a new samurai for kakamucho.
What do you say, jimbo?
Me, my lord?
Why not? I can't think of anyone better, can you?
I can. Kakamucho already has a samurai.
The dog?
He can't be a samurai. He can't be anywhere. It's the law.
You know the rules: "No dogs allowed."
It's not personal, it's just business.
And you know what they say: There's no business...
Like shogun business!
Exactally!
But he's not a dog.
He's my friend.
And more than that, he's our samurai.
- He is? - That's what I was trying to tell you.
Wow. You live nine lives, you get to see everything.
Who knew? A dog samurai.
Hank is not a dog samurai.
Hank is a great samurai!
A truly great samurai!
Woof, woof, woof, woof!
Then I dub thee town samurai of kakamucho.
Actually, you already officially appointed him.
- I did? - Yeah.
I had an official samurai cup and everything.
Oh, well, if you had an official cup and everything...
And I don't know what that means...
But I bet you don't have an official sword.
Wait. Please wait.
Thank you. But I can't accept this honor.
- Why not? - Yeah, why not?
I have a contract with my teacher
that says I haven't yet finished my training.
But there is someone else that's most deserving of this honor.
Emiko.
You are a true samurai.
The little one?
Yes, my lord. She's always defended the town.
I will carry it with honor.
I know you will.
So how does it feel to be a real samurai?
Good. But not as good as it will feel someday when I'm the shogun.
The shogun? You?
You know something?
That ain't such a bad idea. Sure, why not?
And I got to tell you,
it's good to be the shogun.
Milk's on me!
Kind of warms your heart, doesn't it?
- What's that for? - Defend yourself!
- Wait, wait, stop! Time-out. Stop. - No.
- That hurts. - Got you again!
How does that feel? This is my favorite part.
The part where you suffer.
Doggone it. Still, at least I don't have to do the sequel.