1 00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:44,110 "Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. 2 00:00:44,444 --> 00:00:48,214 "But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, 3 00:00:48,281 --> 00:00:51,885 "which could only be broken by love's first kiss. 4 00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:55,588 "She was locked away in a castle 5 00:00:55,655 --> 00:00:58,992 "guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. 6 00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:04,364 "Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, 7 00:01:04,431 --> 00:01:06,433 "but none prevailed. 8 00:01:07,267 --> 00:01:09,436 "She waited in the dragon's keep 9 00:01:09,536 --> 00:01:12,439 "in the highest room of the tallest tower, 10 00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:17,770 "for her true love and true love's first kiss." 11 00:01:18,545 --> 00:01:20,146 Like that's ever gonna happen. 12 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,450 What a load of... 13 00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:01,948 -Go! -Go! 14 00:03:29,509 --> 00:03:32,412 -I think it's in there. -All right. Let's get it! 15 00:03:32,512 --> 00:03:35,248 Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? 16 00:03:35,315 --> 00:03:38,284 Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread. 17 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,322 Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. 18 00:03:42,989 --> 00:03:46,459 Now, ogres, they're much worse. 19 00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:49,462 They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. 20 00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:51,631 -No! -They'll shave your liver. 21 00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:54,968 Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! 22 00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:57,604 -Actually, it's quite good on toast. -Back! Back, beast! 23 00:03:57,704 --> 00:03:59,806 Back! I warn ya! 24 00:04:04,611 --> 00:04:06,120 Right. 25 00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:25,532 This is the part where you run away. 26 00:04:32,305 --> 00:04:35,342 And stay out! 27 00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:40,313 "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." 28 00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:49,823 All right. This one's full. Take it away! 29 00:04:50,990 --> 00:04:54,861 -Move it along. Come on! Get up! -Next! 30 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,864 Give me that! Your flying days are over. 31 00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:00,567 That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! 32 00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:03,403 -Get up! Come on! -Twenty pieces. 33 00:05:05,380 --> 00:05:07,574 -Sit down there! -Keep quiet! 34 00:05:09,900 --> 00:05:11,378 This cage is too small. 35 00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,546 Please don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. 36 00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:15,248 I can change. Please! Give me another chance! 37 00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:18,840 -Shut up. -Next! 38 00:05:18,184 --> 00:05:21,540 -What have you got? -This little, wooden puppet. 39 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:24,924 I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. 40 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,528 Five shillings for the possessed toy. 41 00:05:28,595 --> 00:05:30,697 -Take it away. -Father, please! Don't let them do this! 42 00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:32,432 -Help me! -Next. What have you got? 43 00:05:32,532 --> 00:05:35,402 Well, I've got a talking donkey. 44 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:40,400 Right. Well, that's good for 10 shillings, if you can prove it. 45 00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:42,942 Go ahead, little fella. 46 00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:46,460 Well? 47 00:05:46,112 --> 00:05:48,848 He's just... He's just a little nervous. 48 00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:52,886 He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt! 49 00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:55,555 -That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! -No, no, he talks! 50 00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:57,390 He does. 51 00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,759 can talk. I love to talk. 52 00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:02,762 I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. 53 00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:05,398 -Get her out of my sight. -No, no! 54 00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:09,903 swear! He can talk! 55 00:06:13,139 --> 00:06:14,607 Hey! I can fly! 56 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,309 -He can fly! -He can fly! 57 00:06:16,476 --> 00:06:18,111 He can talk! 58 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:21,781 That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. 59 00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:24,484 You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, 60 00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:27,654 but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. 61 00:06:33,993 --> 00:06:35,962 Seize him! 62 00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:40,767 After him! He's getting away! 63 00:06:48,608 --> 00:06:51,811 Get him! This way! Turn! 64 00:06:57,170 --> 00:06:59,319 You, there. Ogre! 65 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,688 Aye? 66 00:07:01,788 --> 00:07:03,456 By the order of Lord Farquaad, 67 00:07:03,523 --> 00:07:05,859 I am authorised to place you both under arrest 68 00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:11,531 and transport you to a designated resettlement facility. 69 00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:15,669 Oh, really? You and what army? 70 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,448 Can I say something to you? 71 00:07:28,515 --> 00:07:31,851 Listen, you was really, really somethin' back there. Incredible! 72 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:37,691 Are you talkin' to me? 73 00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,159 Yes, I was talkin' to you. 74 00:07:39,225 --> 00:07:41,728 Can I tell you that you was great back there? I mean, those guards. 75 00:07:41,828 --> 00:07:44,531 They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! 76 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,566 They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. 77 00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:48,568 That really made me feel good to see that. 78 00:07:48,668 --> 00:07:51,705 -That's great. Really. -Man, it's good to be free. 79 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:57,344 Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? 80 00:07:57,410 --> 00:08:03,483 But I don't have any friends, and I'm not goin' out there by myself. 81 00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:06,860 Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. 82 00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:08,880 You're a mean, green, fightin' machine. 83 00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:10,390 Together, we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. 84 00:08:14,761 --> 00:08:17,430 Wow! That was really scary. 85 00:08:17,530 --> 00:08:18,832 And if you don't mind me sayin', 86 00:08:18,898 --> 00:08:21,234 if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 87 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,690 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 88 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:24,437 'cause your breath stinks! 89 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:27,741 Man, you almost burned the hair out of my nose, 90 00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:30,677 just like the time... 91 00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:32,212 And then I ate some rotten berries. 92 00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:34,447 I had strong gases eking out of my *** that day. 93 00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:37,250 Why are you following me? 94 00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:40,920 I'll tell you why. 95 00:08:41,588 --> 00:08:43,923 'Cause I'm all alone 96 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:47,761 There's no one here beside me 97 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,963 My problems have all gone 98 00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:53,800 There's no one to deride me 99 00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:56,970 But you gotta have friends 100 00:08:57,700 --> 00:09:00,106 Stop singing! 101 00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,242 It's no wonder you don't have any friends. 102 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:05,945 Only a true friend would be that truly honest. 103 00:09:06,460 --> 00:09:10,116 Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? 104 00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:18,258 -Really tall? -No! I'm an ogre. 105 00:09:18,324 --> 00:09:21,561 You know, "Grab your torch and pitchforks." 106 00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:23,630 Doesn't that bother you? 107 00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:25,832 Nope. 108 00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:28,802 -Really? -Really, really. 109 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:32,500 Man, I like you. What's your name? 110 00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:35,775 Shrek. 111 00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:39,112 Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? 112 00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:42,148 You got that kind of l-don't-care what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. 113 00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:46,190 I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. 114 00:09:47,687 --> 00:09:51,191 Look at that. Who'd want to live in a place like that? 115 00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:54,494 That would be my home. 116 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,631 And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You are quite a decorator. 117 00:09:58,698 --> 00:10:01,334 It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. 118 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:06,172 I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. 119 00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:12,645 I guess you don't entertain much, do you? 120 00:10:12,712 --> 00:10:14,514 I like my privacy. 121 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:17,450 You know, I do, too. That's another thing we have in common. 122 00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:19,319 Like, I hate it when you got somebody in your face. 123 00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:20,987 You're trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. 124 00:10:21,540 --> 00:10:23,723 Then there's that big, awkward silence, you know. 125 00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:29,362 -Can I stay with you? -What? 126 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,998 Can I stay with you, please? 127 00:10:32,650 --> 00:10:34,401 -Of course! -Really? 128 00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:37,300 -No. -Please! I don't wanna go back there! 129 00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:40,874 You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. 130 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,543 But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! 131 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,746 -Please! Please! -Okay! Okay! 132 00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:49,416 -But one night only. -Thank you! 133 00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:51,851 -What are you... No! No! -This is gonna be fun! 134 00:10:51,918 --> 00:10:53,853 We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, 135 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,723 and in the mornin', I'm makin' waffles. 136 00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:00,600 Where do I sleep? 137 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,895 Outside! 138 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:05,498 Oh, well, I guess that's cool. 139 00:11:05,565 --> 00:11:07,233 I mean, I don't know you and you don't know me, 140 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,736 so I guess outside is best, you know. 141 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:12,939 Here I go. 142 00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:17,377 Good night. 143 00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:23,116 I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. 144 00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,885 I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. 145 00:11:25,952 --> 00:11:28,254 By myself, outside. 146 00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:33,126 I'm all alone There's no one here beside me 147 00:12:37,857 --> 00:12:40,260 I thought I told you to stay outside. 148 00:12:40,126 --> 00:12:43,129 am outside. 149 00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:53,106 Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? 150 00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:55,675 It's not home, but it'll do just fine. 151 00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:58,812 -What a lovely bed. -Got ya. 152 00:12:58,878 --> 00:13:00,513 found some cheese. 153 00:13:01,715 --> 00:13:03,216 Awful stuff. 154 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:07,200 -Is that you, Gorder? -How did you know? 155 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,724 Enough! What are you doing in my house? 156 00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:12,580 Hey! 157 00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:16,162 Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. 158 00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:19,399 Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. 159 00:13:22,902 --> 00:13:24,371 What? 160 00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:29,209 I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! 161 00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,911 What do I have to do to get a little privacy? 162 00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:37,217 Oh, no. Oh, no. 163 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,886 No! No! 164 00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:43,857 What? 165 00:13:43,923 --> 00:13:45,925 -Quit it. -Don't push. 166 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:53,233 What are you doing in my swamp? 167 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,735 Swamp! Swamp! Swamp! 168 00:13:57,937 --> 00:13:59,172 Oh, dear. 169 00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,711 All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! 170 00:14:04,778 --> 00:14:06,713 Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! 171 00:14:06,780 --> 00:14:08,748 -Quickly. Come on! -No, no! 172 00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:11,217 No, no. Not there. Not there. 173 00:14:15,789 --> 00:14:17,590 Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. 174 00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:19,759 Oh, gosh, no one invited us. 175 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,429 -What? -We were forced to come here. 176 00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,631 -By who? -Lord Farquaad. 177 00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:29,469 He huffed und he puffed und he signed an eviction notice. 178 00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:32,272 All right. 179 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:36,609 Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? 180 00:14:37,977 --> 00:14:39,479 do. I know where he is. 181 00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:43,283 Does anyone else know where to find him? 182 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:46,986 -Anyone at all? -Me! Me! 183 00:14:47,870 --> 00:14:48,988 -Anyone? -Pick me! 184 00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:51,491 I know! I know! Me, me! 185 00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:54,728 Okay, fine. 186 00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:59,666 Attention, all fairy tale things. 187 00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:04,137 Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. 188 00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:07,941 In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now, 189 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,144 and get you all off my land and back where you came from! 190 00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:23,656 You! You're comin' with me. 191 00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:26,192 All right, that's what I like to hear, man. 192 00:15:26,292 --> 00:15:29,963 Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind, big-city adventure. 193 00:15:30,300 --> 00:15:32,320 love it! 194 00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,800 On the road again 195 00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:35,301 -Sing it with me, Shrek. -Hey. 196 00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:37,704 I can't wait to get On the road again 197 00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:40,600 What did I say about singing? 198 00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:41,341 -Well, can I whistle? -No. 199 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:44,210 -Can I hum it? -All right, hum it. 200 00:16:14,700 --> 00:16:17,430 That's enough. He's ready to talk. 201 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,425 "Run, run, run, as fast as you can. 202 00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:36,620 "You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!" 203 00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:39,733 -You're a monster. -I'm not the monster here. You are. 204 00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:44,504 You, and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. 205 00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:46,720 Now, tell me! Where are the others? 206 00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,941 Eat me! 207 00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:51,711 I've tried to be fair to you creatures. 208 00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:55,281 Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll... 209 00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:58,518 No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. 210 00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:00,253 All right, then. Who's hiding them? 211 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:05,692 Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? 212 00:17:05,759 --> 00:17:08,940 -The muffin man? -The muffin man. 213 00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:11,598 Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane? 214 00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:15,101 Well, she's married to the muffin man. 215 00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:17,303 -The muffin man? -The muffin man! 216 00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:20,407 She's married to the muffin man. 217 00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:22,142 My lord! We found it. 218 00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:25,445 Well, then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. 219 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:43,797 -Magic Mirror... -Don't tell him anything! 220 00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:46,166 No! 221 00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:50,300 'Evening. 222 00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:51,971 Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, 223 00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:55,442 is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? 224 00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:58,111 Well, technically, you're not a king. 225 00:17:58,578 --> 00:17:59,979 "helonious. 226 00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:05,318 -You were saying? -What I mean is, you're not a king yet. 227 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:08,988 But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess. 228 00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,240 Go on. 229 00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:15,795 So, just sit back and relax, my lord, 230 00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:20,166 because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. 231 00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:22,702 And here they are! 232 00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:24,771 Bachelorette number one 233 00:18:24,838 --> 00:18:28,875 is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. 234 00:18:28,975 --> 00:18:31,211 She likes sushi and hot-tubbing anytime. 235 00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:34,781 Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. 236 00:18:34,848 --> 00:18:37,217 Please welcome Cinderella. 237 00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:39,786 Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl 238 00:18:39,853 --> 00:18:41,354 from the land of fancy. 239 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:44,157 Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. 240 00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:47,794 Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. 241 00:18:47,861 --> 00:18:51,998 Come on. Give it up for Snow White! 242 00:18:52,650 --> 00:18:54,334 And last, but certainly not least, 243 00:18:54,401 --> 00:18:56,403 bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead 244 00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:59,390 from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot, boiling lava! 245 00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:01,708 But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol 246 00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:04,411 who likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. 247 00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:08,682 Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! 248 00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:11,840 So, will it be bachelorette number one, 249 00:19:11,184 --> 00:19:14,688 bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? 250 00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,923 -Two! Two! -Three! Three! 251 00:19:17,230 --> 00:19:18,358 -Two! Two! -Three! 252 00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:20,560 Three? One? Three? 253 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,696 Three! Pick number three, my lord! 254 00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:26,533 Okay, okay, number three! 255 00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:31,404 Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. 256 00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:40,914 Princess Fiona. She's perfect. 257 00:19:41,140 --> 00:19:43,383 All I have to do is just find someone who can go... 258 00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:46,860 But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. 259 00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:48,880 -I'll do it. -Yes, but after sunset... 260 00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:52,258 Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, 261 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:56,529 and Duloc will finally have the perfect king! 262 00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:58,798 Captain, assemble your finest men. 263 00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:02,702 We're going to have a tournament. 264 00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:07,907 But that's it. That's it right there. That's Duloc. 265 00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:09,576 I told ya I'd find it. 266 00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:13,780 So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. 267 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,949 That's the place. 268 00:20:16,490 --> 00:20:20,253 Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? 269 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,658 Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. 270 00:20:25,759 --> 00:20:28,628 Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. 271 00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:33,133 Hey, you! 272 00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:36,670 Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat ya. 273 00:20:36,770 --> 00:20:39,406 I just... I just... 274 00:21:11,204 --> 00:21:12,806 It's quiet. 275 00:21:15,208 --> 00:21:17,510 Too quiet. 276 00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:24,217 -Where is everybody? -Hey, look at this! 277 00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:41,340 Welcome to Duloc Such a perfect town 278 00:21:41,134 --> 00:21:44,838 Here we have some rules Let us lay them down 279 00:21:44,904 --> 00:21:48,508 Don't make waves, stay in line And we'll get along fine 280 00:21:48,575 --> 00:21:52,212 Duloc is a perfect place 281 00:21:52,312 --> 00:21:56,850 Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your face 282 00:21:56,916 --> 00:22:00,520 Duloc is, Duloc is 283 00:22:00,587 --> 00:22:05,425 Duloc is a perfect place 284 00:22:12,650 --> 00:22:13,366 Wow. 285 00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:18,271 -Let's do that again! -No. No. No, no, no! No. 286 00:22:21,508 --> 00:22:23,900 Brave knights. 287 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:27,280 You are the best and brightest in all the land. 288 00:22:27,380 --> 00:22:29,783 Today, one of you shall prove himself... 289 00:22:29,883 --> 00:22:32,385 All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. 290 00:22:32,452 --> 00:22:34,254 Sorry about that. 291 00:22:35,210 --> 00:22:39,859 That champion shall have the honour... No, no, the privilege 292 00:22:39,926 --> 00:22:43,930 to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona 293 00:22:44,300 --> 00:22:47,367 from the fiery keep of the dragon. 294 00:22:47,434 --> 00:22:51,638 If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, 295 00:22:51,738 --> 00:22:54,908 the first runner-up will take his place 296 00:22:54,974 --> 00:22:57,777 and so on and so forth. 297 00:22:57,877 --> 00:23:03,550 Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. 298 00:23:08,488 --> 00:23:10,957 Let the tournament begin! 299 00:23:16,563 --> 00:23:18,331 What is that? 300 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:23,837 -It's hideous! -That's not very nice. 301 00:23:24,804 --> 00:23:26,973 It's just a donkey. 302 00:23:27,730 --> 00:23:30,100 Indeed. Knights, new plan! 303 00:23:30,110 --> 00:23:34,814 The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him! 304 00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:38,852 -Get him! -Hey! Now, come on! Hang on now. 305 00:23:40,860 --> 00:23:41,187 Go ahead! Get him! 306 00:23:41,287 --> 00:23:44,958 Can't we just settle this over a pint? 307 00:23:45,250 --> 00:23:46,292 Kill the beast! 308 00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:49,629 No? All right then. 309 00:23:50,930 --> 00:23:52,999 Come on! 310 00:24:08,882 --> 00:24:10,500 Damn! 311 00:24:23,963 --> 00:24:25,865 Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! 312 00:24:34,708 --> 00:24:35,742 Yeah! 313 00:24:37,977 --> 00:24:39,913 The chair! Give him the chair! 314 00:24:59,532 --> 00:25:01,935 Oh, yeah! 315 00:25:04,904 --> 00:25:06,106 Thank you! 316 00:25:06,206 --> 00:25:10,176 Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! 317 00:25:16,549 --> 00:25:18,518 Shall I give the order, sir? 318 00:25:18,585 --> 00:25:22,188 No, I have a better idea. 319 00:25:22,255 --> 00:25:27,427 People of Duloc, I give you our champion! 320 00:25:27,527 --> 00:25:31,398 -What? -Congratulations, ogre. 321 00:25:31,464 --> 00:25:35,802 You've won the honour of embarking on a great and noble quest. 322 00:25:35,902 --> 00:25:40,273 Quest? I'm already on a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. 323 00:25:40,373 --> 00:25:43,576 -Your swamp? -Yeah, my swamp! 324 00:25:43,643 --> 00:25:46,146 Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures! 325 00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:50,950 Indeed. All right, ogre, I'll make you a deal. 326 00:25:51,510 --> 00:25:54,821 Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. 327 00:25:54,921 --> 00:25:57,624 Exactly the way it was? 328 00:25:57,724 --> 00:26:00,460 Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. 329 00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:03,797 -And the squatters? -As good as gone. 330 00:26:07,801 --> 00:26:10,637 What kind of quest? 331 00:26:10,970 --> 00:26:13,473 Okay, let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon 332 00:26:13,573 --> 00:26:16,276 and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp, 333 00:26:16,343 --> 00:26:19,279 which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. 334 00:26:19,346 --> 00:26:20,947 -Is that about right? -You know what? 335 00:26:21,140 --> 00:26:23,817 Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. 336 00:26:23,917 --> 00:26:27,287 I don't get it, Shrek. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? 337 00:26:27,354 --> 00:26:29,456 You know, throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, 338 00:26:29,522 --> 00:26:32,359 grind his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip. 339 00:26:32,459 --> 00:26:34,361 know what. 340 00:26:34,461 --> 00:26:36,963 Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village 341 00:26:37,300 --> 00:26:38,865 and put their heads on a pike, 342 00:26:38,965 --> 00:26:42,602 gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. 343 00:26:42,669 --> 00:26:44,804 Does that sound good to you? 344 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:47,507 No, not really, no. 345 00:26:47,607 --> 00:26:51,378 For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think. 346 00:26:51,478 --> 00:26:54,214 -Example? -Example? 347 00:26:54,314 --> 00:26:58,651 Okay, ogres are like onions. 348 00:26:58,718 --> 00:27:01,321 -They stink? -Yes. No! 349 00:27:01,388 --> 00:27:02,822 -They make you cry? -No! 350 00:27:02,889 --> 00:27:04,891 You leave them out in the sun, they get all brown, 351 00:27:04,991 --> 00:27:06,326 start sproutin' little, white hairs. 352 00:27:06,393 --> 00:27:08,395 No! Layers! 353 00:27:08,495 --> 00:27:10,830 Onions have layers. 354 00:27:10,897 --> 00:27:14,200 Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. 355 00:27:14,300 --> 00:27:16,703 You get it? We both have layers. 356 00:27:18,638 --> 00:27:21,574 You both have layers. 357 00:27:23,343 --> 00:27:25,679 You know, not everybody likes onions. 358 00:27:25,745 --> 00:27:28,381 Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. 359 00:27:28,481 --> 00:27:32,385 I don't care what everyone likes. 360 00:27:32,485 --> 00:27:36,189 Ogres are not like cakes. 361 00:27:38,324 --> 00:27:40,593 You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. 362 00:27:40,694 --> 00:27:43,263 Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," 363 00:27:43,363 --> 00:27:45,865 they say, "No, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. 364 00:27:45,932 --> 00:27:50,203 No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! 365 00:27:50,270 --> 00:27:53,600 Ogres are like onions! End of story. 366 00:27:53,730 --> 00:27:55,909 Bye-bye. See ya later. 367 00:28:00,113 --> 00:28:03,583 Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. 368 00:28:03,683 --> 00:28:06,686 You know, I think I preferred your humming. 369 00:28:06,753 --> 00:28:09,422 Do you have a tissue or something? 'Cause I'm making a mess. 370 00:28:09,522 --> 00:28:12,425 Just the word parfait make me start slobbering. 371 00:28:52,499 --> 00:28:54,167 Shrek! Did you do that? 372 00:28:54,267 --> 00:28:56,803 Man, you gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. 373 00:28:56,903 --> 00:28:59,172 -My mouth was open and everything. -Believe me, Donkey, 374 00:28:59,272 --> 00:29:01,841 if it was me, you'd be dead. 375 00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:04,678 It's brimstone. 376 00:29:04,778 --> 00:29:07,947 -We must be getting close. -Yeah, right, brimstone. 377 00:29:08,140 --> 00:29:09,649 Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. 378 00:29:09,749 --> 00:29:12,118 I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. 379 00:29:12,185 --> 00:29:14,154 It didn't come off no stone neither. 380 00:29:32,172 --> 00:29:35,508 Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. 381 00:29:38,645 --> 00:29:40,847 Shrek? 382 00:29:40,947 --> 00:29:44,317 Remember when you said that ogres have layers? 383 00:29:44,384 --> 00:29:45,485 Aye. 384 00:29:46,519 --> 00:29:49,220 Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. 385 00:29:49,122 --> 00:29:50,657 Donkeys don't have layers. 386 00:29:50,724 --> 00:29:52,492 We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. 387 00:29:52,559 --> 00:29:55,362 Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. 388 00:29:55,462 --> 00:29:56,663 You know what I mean. 389 00:29:56,730 --> 00:29:59,399 You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. 390 00:29:59,499 --> 00:30:02,335 No, I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge 391 00:30:02,402 --> 00:30:04,700 over a boiling lake of lava! 392 00:30:04,170 --> 00:30:08,208 Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? 393 00:30:08,308 --> 00:30:10,977 For emotional support, 394 00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:15,582 we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. 395 00:30:15,682 --> 00:30:17,584 -Really? -Really, really. 396 00:30:17,684 --> 00:30:19,686 Okay, that makes me feel so much better. 397 00:30:19,753 --> 00:30:20,887 Just keep moving. 398 00:30:20,987 --> 00:30:25,558 -And don't look down. -Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. 399 00:30:25,658 --> 00:30:29,290 Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. 400 00:30:31,164 --> 00:30:32,899 Shrek! I'm lookin' down! 401 00:30:32,999 --> 00:30:35,902 Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off right now. Please. 402 00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:39,539 -But you're already halfway. -But I know that half is safe! 403 00:30:39,606 --> 00:30:42,409 Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. 404 00:30:42,509 --> 00:30:44,911 -Shrek, no! Wait! -Just, Donkey... 405 00:30:45,110 --> 00:30:48,810 -Let's have a dance then, shall we? -Don't do that! 406 00:30:48,181 --> 00:30:52,520 I'm sorry. Do what? 407 00:30:52,118 --> 00:30:55,221 -This? -Yes, that! 408 00:30:55,288 --> 00:30:58,758 Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. 409 00:30:59,859 --> 00:31:01,940 No, Shrek! 410 00:31:01,194 --> 00:31:04,297 -No! Stop it! -You said do it! I'm doin1 it. 411 00:31:04,531 --> 00:31:08,635 I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. 412 00:31:11,304 --> 00:31:14,307 That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. 413 00:31:18,878 --> 00:31:20,380 Cool. 414 00:31:21,470 --> 00:31:23,783 So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? 415 00:31:23,883 --> 00:31:27,620 Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. 416 00:31:27,721 --> 00:31:30,623 I was talkin1 about the dragon, Shrek. 417 00:31:46,973 --> 00:31:48,800 You afraid? 418 00:31:48,108 --> 00:31:50,410 No, but... 419 00:31:51,478 --> 00:31:53,813 Good. Me, neither. 420 00:31:56,449 --> 00:31:58,485 'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. 421 00:31:58,585 --> 00:32:01,821 Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. 422 00:32:01,921 --> 00:32:03,957 Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. 423 00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:06,659 With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, 424 00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:08,294 it sure doesn't mean you're a coward 425 00:32:08,361 --> 00:32:10,196 if you're a little scared, you know what I mean? 426 00:32:10,296 --> 00:32:12,699 'Cause I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. 427 00:32:14,367 --> 00:32:17,704 Donkey, two things, okay? 428 00:32:18,471 --> 00:32:20,840 Shut up. 429 00:32:20,940 --> 00:32:23,176 Now, go over there and see if you can find any stairs. 430 00:32:23,276 --> 00:32:25,879 Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess. 431 00:32:25,979 --> 00:32:30,850 The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. 432 00:32:30,950 --> 00:32:34,521 -What makes you think she'll be there? -I read it in a book once. 433 00:32:34,621 --> 00:32:38,525 Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. 434 00:32:38,625 --> 00:32:41,661 I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their *** too. 435 00:32:41,728 --> 00:32:43,697 That's right. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'. 436 00:32:48,702 --> 00:32:50,170 I'm gonna take drastic steps. 437 00:32:50,236 --> 00:32:53,390 Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. 438 00:32:53,139 --> 00:32:55,909 I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. 439 00:32:56,900 --> 00:32:57,477 I'd step all over it. 440 00:33:00,914 --> 00:33:04,217 Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the... 441 00:33:04,317 --> 00:33:06,386 Dragon! 442 00:33:22,168 --> 00:33:24,404 Donkey, look out! 443 00:33:36,449 --> 00:33:38,451 Got ya! 444 00:34:13,820 --> 00:34:15,488 No. Oh, no. No! 445 00:34:17,323 --> 00:34:18,825 Oh, what large teeth you have. 446 00:34:21,610 --> 00:34:22,562 I mean, white, sparkling teeth. 447 00:34:22,629 --> 00:34:24,898 I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, 448 00:34:24,964 --> 00:34:26,266 but you must bleach or something, 449 00:34:26,332 --> 00:34:28,935 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. 450 00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:31,671 Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? 451 00:34:31,771 --> 00:34:33,606 And you know what else? You know what else? 452 00:34:33,673 --> 00:34:36,509 You're... You're a girl dragon! 453 00:34:36,609 --> 00:34:41,114 Sure. I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. 454 00:34:41,181 --> 00:34:44,984 'Cause you're just reeking of feminine beauty. 455 00:34:45,850 --> 00:34:47,420 What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? 456 00:34:50,423 --> 00:34:52,826 Man, I'd really love to stay, but, you know, I'm... 457 00:34:52,926 --> 00:34:54,794 I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out 458 00:34:54,861 --> 00:34:56,996 if you're gonna blow smoke rings and stuff. 459 00:34:57,970 --> 00:34:58,865 Shrek! 460 00:35:00,867 --> 00:35:04,604 No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! 461 00:35:37,904 --> 00:35:39,372 -Wake up! -What? 462 00:35:39,472 --> 00:35:41,740 Are you Princess Fiona? 463 00:35:41,741 --> 00:35:43,877 am. 464 00:35:43,977 --> 00:35:46,513 Awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. 465 00:35:46,579 --> 00:35:48,581 That's nice. Now, let's go. 466 00:35:48,682 --> 00:35:50,684 But wait, Sir Knight. 467 00:35:50,750 --> 00:35:53,530 This be-eth our first meeting. 468 00:35:53,153 --> 00:35:56,856 Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? 469 00:35:56,923 --> 00:36:01,261 -Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. -Hey, wait. What are you doing? 470 00:36:01,361 --> 00:36:03,430 You should sweep me off my feet, 471 00:36:03,530 --> 00:36:06,900 out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. 472 00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:09,769 You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? 473 00:36:14,207 --> 00:36:17,770 But we have to savour this moment! 474 00:36:17,177 --> 00:36:19,913 You could recite an epic poem for me. 475 00:36:20,130 --> 00:36:22,449 A ballad? A sonnet! 476 00:36:22,549 --> 00:36:25,785 -A limerick? Or something! -I don't think so. 477 00:36:26,953 --> 00:36:30,290 Can I at least know the name of my champion? 478 00:36:30,390 --> 00:36:32,292 Shrek. 479 00:36:33,126 --> 00:36:36,960 Sir Shrek. 480 00:36:36,196 --> 00:36:40,934 I pray that you take this favour as a token of my gratitude. 481 00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:44,700 "hanks! 482 00:36:48,740 --> 00:36:49,909 You didn't slay the dragon? 483 00:36:49,976 --> 00:36:52,445 It's on my to-do list. Now, come on! 484 00:36:52,545 --> 00:36:54,614 But this isn't right! 485 00:36:54,714 --> 00:36:57,984 You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. 486 00:36:58,840 --> 00:36:59,619 That's what all the other knights did. 487 00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:01,988 Yeah, right before they burst into flame. 488 00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:03,990 That's not the point. 489 00:37:05,725 --> 00:37:08,161 Wait. Where are you going? The exit's over there. 490 00:37:08,261 --> 00:37:10,296 Well, I have to save my ***. 491 00:37:10,397 --> 00:37:13,600 What kind of knight are you? 492 00:37:13,666 --> 00:37:16,102 One of a kind. 493 00:37:16,169 --> 00:37:18,571 Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. 494 00:37:18,638 --> 00:37:21,174 I believe it's healthy to get to know someone 495 00:37:21,274 --> 00:37:24,811 over a long period of time. Just call me old-fashioned. 496 00:37:25,612 --> 00:37:29,115 I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. 497 00:37:29,182 --> 00:37:32,652 I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of this 498 00:37:32,752 --> 00:37:35,210 magnitude, really, is the word I'm looking for. 499 00:37:35,121 --> 00:37:38,625 Magnitude. Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. 500 00:37:38,692 --> 00:37:41,161 Hey, what are you doing? 501 00:37:41,261 --> 00:37:44,497 Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. 502 00:37:44,597 --> 00:37:47,434 We really should get to know each other first as friends, 503 00:37:47,500 --> 00:37:48,702 or maybe even as pen pals. 504 00:37:48,802 --> 00:37:53,600 'Cause I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards... 505 00:37:53,106 --> 00:37:55,508 Hey, you know, I'd really love to stay, but... 506 00:37:55,608 --> 00:37:58,178 Hey, hey, don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. 507 00:37:58,278 --> 00:38:00,613 You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission to... 508 00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:01,848 What are you gonna do with that? 509 00:38:02,949 --> 00:38:05,552 Hey, now. No way. No! No! 510 00:38:05,652 --> 00:38:08,388 No, no! No. No, no, no! No! 511 00:38:28,641 --> 00:38:30,610 -Hi, Princess! -It talks! 512 00:38:30,710 --> 00:38:34,447 Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. 513 00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:11,951 Okay, you two, head for the exit! 514 00:39:14,287 --> 00:39:16,823 I'll take care of the dragon. 515 00:39:22,195 --> 00:39:24,364 Run! 516 00:40:12,545 --> 00:40:13,880 You did it! 517 00:40:13,980 --> 00:40:16,850 You rescued me! You're amazing. You're... 518 00:40:16,916 --> 00:40:20,687 You're wonderful. You're... 519 00:40:20,754 --> 00:40:23,560 A little unorthodox, I'll admit. 520 00:40:23,156 --> 00:40:28,610 But thy deed is great, and thine heart is pure. 521 00:40:28,428 --> 00:40:30,363 I am eternally in your debt. 522 00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:36,369 And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? 523 00:40:36,436 --> 00:40:39,773 All right, I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. 524 00:40:39,873 --> 00:40:41,107 She think I'm a steed. 525 00:40:42,575 --> 00:40:44,377 "he battle is won. 526 00:40:44,444 --> 00:40:46,946 You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight. 527 00:40:47,747 --> 00:40:49,616 -No. -Why not? 528 00:40:49,716 --> 00:40:51,918 have helmet hair. 529 00:40:52,180 --> 00:40:55,221 Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer. 530 00:40:55,288 --> 00:40:57,891 No, no, you wouldn't'st. 531 00:40:57,957 --> 00:41:00,427 But how will you kiss me? 532 00:41:00,527 --> 00:41:04,297 What? That wasn't in the job description. 533 00:41:05,231 --> 00:41:06,733 Maybe it's a perk. 534 00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:11,237 No, it's destiny. You must know how it goes. 535 00:41:11,304 --> 00:41:15,108 A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon 536 00:41:15,208 --> 00:41:18,111 is rescued by a brave knight, 537 00:41:18,211 --> 00:41:21,481 and then they share true love's first kiss. 538 00:41:22,282 --> 00:41:23,650 With Shrek? You think... Wait. 539 00:41:23,750 --> 00:41:26,920 Wait. Wait a second. You think that Shrek is your true love? 540 00:41:26,986 --> 00:41:28,988 Well, yes. 541 00:41:33,590 --> 00:41:35,495 You think Shrek is your true love! 542 00:41:35,595 --> 00:41:37,497 What is so funny? 543 00:41:37,597 --> 00:41:40,667 Let's just say I'm not your type, okay? 544 00:41:40,767 --> 00:41:44,270 Of course you are. You're my rescuer. 545 00:41:44,337 --> 00:41:46,806 Now... Now, remove your helmet. 546 00:41:46,906 --> 00:41:49,109 Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. 547 00:41:49,175 --> 00:41:51,177 -Just take off the helmet. -I'm not going to. 548 00:41:51,277 --> 00:41:52,445 -Take it off. -No! 549 00:41:52,512 --> 00:41:54,614 -Now! -Okay! 550 00:41:54,681 --> 00:41:59,185 Easy. As you command, Your Highness. 551 00:42:09,963 --> 00:42:12,699 You... You're an ogre. 552 00:42:13,867 --> 00:42:16,670 You were expecting Prince Charming. 553 00:42:16,770 --> 00:42:19,272 Well, yes, actually. 554 00:42:21,174 --> 00:42:26,846 Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an ogre. 555 00:42:27,981 --> 00:42:32,152 Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? 556 00:42:32,218 --> 00:42:34,154 He's the one who wants to marry you. 557 00:42:34,220 --> 00:42:36,156 Well, then why didn't he come rescue me? 558 00:42:36,823 --> 00:42:40,560 Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. 559 00:42:40,727 --> 00:42:46,499 But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some ogre and his pet. 560 00:42:46,566 --> 00:42:48,668 So much for noble steed. 561 00:42:48,735 --> 00:42:51,371 Look, Princess, you're not making my job any easier. 562 00:42:51,471 --> 00:42:54,841 Well, I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. 563 00:42:54,908 --> 00:43:00,180 You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, 564 00:43:00,246 --> 00:43:02,582 I'll be waiting for him right here. 565 00:43:02,682 --> 00:43:07,721 Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy. 566 00:43:07,821 --> 00:43:10,560 You wouldn't dare. 567 00:43:11,570 --> 00:43:12,525 -Put me down! -Ya comin', Donkey? 568 00:43:12,592 --> 00:43:14,194 Yeah, I'm right behind ya. 569 00:43:14,260 --> 00:43:17,864 Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! 570 00:43:17,931 --> 00:43:20,700 This is not dignified! Put me down! 571 00:43:24,337 --> 00:43:26,940 Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right, 572 00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:28,541 but you don't really like her that way. 573 00:43:28,608 --> 00:43:31,110 How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, 574 00:43:31,770 --> 00:43:33,580 but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? How do you do that? 575 00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:36,416 You just tell her she's not your true love. 576 00:43:36,516 --> 00:43:39,219 Everyone knowest what happens when you find your... 577 00:43:39,285 --> 00:43:41,210 Hey! 578 00:43:41,955 --> 00:43:44,257 The sooner we get to Duloc the better. 579 00:43:44,357 --> 00:43:47,260 Yeah, you're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful! 580 00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:51,970 And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like? 581 00:43:51,197 --> 00:43:53,299 Let me put it this way, Princess. 582 00:43:54,234 --> 00:43:58,238 Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. 583 00:43:59,472 --> 00:44:03,576 I don't know, Shrek. There are those who think little of him. 584 00:44:05,712 --> 00:44:08,581 Stop it. Stop it, both of you. 585 00:44:08,648 --> 00:44:10,884 You know, you're just jealous you can never measure up 586 00:44:10,950 --> 00:44:13,620 to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. 587 00:44:13,720 --> 00:44:16,623 Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. 588 00:44:16,723 --> 00:44:19,993 But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. 589 00:44:20,930 --> 00:44:24,297 Tomorrow? It'll take that long? 590 00:44:24,397 --> 00:44:29,102 -Shouldn't we stop to make camp? -No, that'll take longer. 591 00:44:29,169 --> 00:44:33,640 -We can keep going. -But there's robbers in the woods. 592 00:44:34,174 --> 00:44:37,100 Time-out, Shrek! Camping's definitely starting to sound good. 593 00:44:37,110 --> 00:44:41,181 Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. 594 00:44:41,281 --> 00:44:43,650 I need to find somewhere to camp now! 595 00:44:50,523 --> 00:44:54,627 -Hey! Over here. -Shrek, we can do better than that. 596 00:44:54,694 --> 00:44:57,297 Now, I don't think this is fit for a princess. 597 00:44:57,364 --> 00:45:00,500 No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. 598 00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:05,205 Homey touches? Like what? 599 00:45:05,839 --> 00:45:09,342 A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. 600 00:45:09,442 --> 00:45:11,978 You want me to come in there and read you a bedtime story? Because I will. 601 00:45:12,450 --> 00:45:13,947 I said good night! 602 00:45:17,217 --> 00:45:18,818 Shrek, what are you doing? 603 00:45:18,885 --> 00:45:23,356 I... You know... Come on. I was just kidding. 604 00:45:29,963 --> 00:45:33,533 And that one, that's Throwback, 605 00:45:33,633 --> 00:45:37,370 the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields. 606 00:45:37,137 --> 00:45:40,240 Right. Yeah. 607 00:45:41,341 --> 00:45:43,209 Hey, can you tell my future from these stars? 608 00:45:43,309 --> 00:45:47,800 Well, the stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. 609 00:45:47,180 --> 00:45:52,686 Look, there's Bloodnut, the flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for. 610 00:45:52,752 --> 00:45:54,387 All right, now I know you're making this up. 611 00:45:54,487 --> 00:45:57,570 No, look. There he is, 612 00:45:57,157 --> 00:46:00,226 and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench. 613 00:46:00,326 --> 00:46:02,896 Man, that ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. 614 00:46:02,996 --> 00:46:07,267 You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. 615 00:46:09,235 --> 00:46:10,603 Forget it. 616 00:46:14,741 --> 00:46:17,877 Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? 617 00:46:17,944 --> 00:46:19,379 Our swamp? 618 00:46:19,446 --> 00:46:22,182 You know, when we're through rescuing the princess and all that stuff. 619 00:46:22,248 --> 00:46:26,286 We? Donkey, there's no we. There's no our. 620 00:46:26,386 --> 00:46:29,890 There's just me and my swamp. 621 00:46:29,189 --> 00:46:33,426 The first thing I'm gonna do is build a 10-foot wall around my land. 622 00:46:34,694 --> 00:46:37,630 You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. 623 00:46:39,532 --> 00:46:40,967 You know what I think? 624 00:46:41,670 --> 00:46:44,637 I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. 625 00:46:44,738 --> 00:46:48,908 -No, do ya think? -Are you hidin' something? 626 00:46:48,975 --> 00:46:51,440 Never mind, Donkey. 627 00:46:51,144 --> 00:46:54,414 This is another one of those onion things, isn't it? 628 00:46:54,481 --> 00:46:58,385 No, this is one of those drop-it-and-leave-it-alone things. 629 00:46:58,451 --> 00:47:01,955 -Why don't you want to talk about it? -Why do you want to talk about it? 630 00:47:02,550 --> 00:47:03,823 -Why are you blocking? -I'm not blocking. 631 00:47:03,923 --> 00:47:06,920 -Yes, you are. -Donkey, I'm warning you. 632 00:47:06,159 --> 00:47:08,128 Who you trying to keep out? Just tell me that, Shrek. Who? 633 00:47:08,228 --> 00:47:10,330 Everyone! Okay? 634 00:47:10,997 --> 00:47:13,166 Now we're gettin' somewhere. 635 00:47:13,266 --> 00:47:16,436 For the love of Pete! 636 00:47:16,503 --> 00:47:19,339 What's your problem, Shrek? What you got against the whole world, anyway? 637 00:47:19,439 --> 00:47:21,741 Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? 638 00:47:21,808 --> 00:47:24,678 It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. 639 00:47:24,778 --> 00:47:28,782 People take one look at me and go, "Help! Run! 640 00:47:28,848 --> 00:47:31,117 "A big, stupid, ugly ogre!" 641 00:47:33,520 --> 00:47:35,588 They judge me before they even know me. 642 00:47:36,856 --> 00:47:38,792 That's why I'm better off alone. 643 00:47:47,834 --> 00:47:48,968 You know what? 644 00:47:49,350 --> 00:47:52,972 When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. 645 00:47:54,841 --> 00:47:57,677 Yeah, I know. 646 00:47:57,777 --> 00:48:01,181 So, are there any donkeys up there? 647 00:48:01,281 --> 00:48:07,200 Well, there's Gabby, the small and annoying. 648 00:48:07,120 --> 00:48:12,250 Okay, okay. I see it now. The big, shiny one, right there. That one there? 649 00:48:12,125 --> 00:48:14,327 -That's the moon. -Okay. 650 00:48:37,584 --> 00:48:39,486 Again. Show me again. 651 00:48:43,523 --> 00:48:47,930 Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. 652 00:48:52,532 --> 00:48:54,667 Perfect. 653 00:49:59,933 --> 00:50:02,268 Yeah, you know I like it like that. 654 00:50:03,737 --> 00:50:07,307 -Come on, baby. I said I like it. -Donkey, wake up. 655 00:50:07,407 --> 00:50:09,900 -What? -Wake up. 656 00:50:10,610 --> 00:50:12,512 -What? -Morning. 657 00:50:12,612 --> 00:50:15,148 How do you like your eggs? 658 00:50:15,248 --> 00:50:18,952 -Good morning, Princess! -What's all this about? 659 00:50:19,190 --> 00:50:23,256 You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. 660 00:50:23,323 --> 00:50:28,695 I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. 661 00:50:30,300 --> 00:50:31,998 "hanks. 662 00:50:33,133 --> 00:50:36,936 Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. 663 00:50:42,709 --> 00:50:45,311 -Shrek! -What? It's a compliment. 664 00:50:45,378 --> 00:50:48,148 Better out than in, I always say. 665 00:50:48,214 --> 00:50:51,117 Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess. 666 00:50:52,285 --> 00:50:54,888 -Thanks. -She's as nasty as you are. 667 00:50:56,560 --> 00:50:59,626 You know, you're not exactly what I expected. 668 00:50:59,693 --> 00:51:03,897 Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. 669 00:51:07,534 --> 00:51:10,236 Hey! 670 00:51:10,337 --> 00:51:12,720 Princess! 671 00:51:12,172 --> 00:51:14,641 Wait, wait. What are you doing? 672 00:51:14,708 --> 00:51:18,110 Be still, mon cherie, for I am your saviour! 673 00:51:18,780 --> 00:51:22,415 And I am rescuing you from this green 674 00:51:22,749 --> 00:51:25,180 -beast. -Hey! 675 00:51:25,850 --> 00:51:28,210 That's my princess! Go find your own! 676 00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:33,590 Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here? 677 00:51:33,159 --> 00:51:36,229 Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are! 678 00:51:36,329 --> 00:51:41,670 Of course! How rude. Please, let me introduce myself. 679 00:51:41,167 --> 00:51:43,336 Merry Men! 680 00:51:50,276 --> 00:51:52,379 I steal from the rich And give to the needy 681 00:51:52,445 --> 00:51:54,514 -He takes a wee percentage -But I'm not greedy 682 00:51:54,581 --> 00:51:56,583 I rescue pretty damsels Man, I'm good 683 00:51:56,683 --> 00:51:59,386 -What a guy, Monsieur Hood -Break it down 684 00:52:03,356 --> 00:52:05,525 I like an honest fight And a saucy little maid 685 00:52:05,592 --> 00:52:06,893 What he's basically saying is He likes to get... 686 00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:07,961 Paid 687 00:52:08,610 --> 00:52:09,620 So 688 00:52:09,129 --> 00:52:10,730 When an ogre in the bush Grabs a lady by the tush 689 00:52:10,797 --> 00:52:11,898 -That's bad -That's bad 690 00:52:11,965 --> 00:52:13,233 -That's bad -That's bad 691 00:52:13,299 --> 00:52:15,902 When a beauty's with a beast It makes me awfully mad 692 00:52:15,969 --> 00:52:17,470 He's mad He's really, really mad 693 00:52:17,570 --> 00:52:19,572 I'll take my blade And ram it through your heart 694 00:52:19,639 --> 00:52:24,244 Keep your eyes on me, boys 'Cause I'm about to start 695 00:52:30,817 --> 00:52:33,787 -Man, that was annoying! -You little... 696 00:53:02,415 --> 00:53:04,284 Shall we? 697 00:53:06,186 --> 00:53:07,587 Hold the phone. 698 00:53:09,589 --> 00:53:12,920 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. 699 00:53:12,158 --> 00:53:14,160 -Where did that come from? -What? 700 00:53:14,260 --> 00:53:17,464 That! Back there. That was amazing! 701 00:53:17,530 --> 00:53:18,998 Where did you learn that? 702 00:53:19,990 --> 00:53:22,335 Well, when one lives alone, 703 00:53:22,435 --> 00:53:25,171 one has to learn these things in case there's a... 704 00:53:25,271 --> 00:53:27,874 -There's an arrow in your ***! -What? 705 00:53:27,974 --> 00:53:31,544 -Would you look at that? -No. This is all my fault. 706 00:53:31,644 --> 00:53:33,346 -I'm so sorry. -Why? What's wrong? 707 00:53:33,446 --> 00:53:35,982 -Shrek's hurt. -Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? 708 00:53:36,490 --> 00:53:37,317 No, Shrek's gonna die. 709 00:53:37,384 --> 00:53:38,818 Donkey, I'm okay. 710 00:53:38,885 --> 00:53:41,187 You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. 711 00:53:41,287 --> 00:53:43,289 Keep your legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. 712 00:53:43,356 --> 00:53:46,526 -Does anyone know the Heimlich? -Donkey! Calm down. 713 00:53:46,626 --> 00:53:48,995 If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods 714 00:53:49,620 --> 00:53:51,164 and find me a blue flower with red thorns. 715 00:53:51,231 --> 00:53:54,000 Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. 716 00:53:54,670 --> 00:53:55,350 Blue flower, red thorns. 717 00:53:55,135 --> 00:53:58,304 Don't die, Shrek. And if you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! 718 00:53:58,405 --> 00:53:59,472 -Donkey! -Donkey! 719 00:53:59,539 --> 00:54:01,408 Yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. 720 00:54:01,641 --> 00:54:03,910 -Blue flower, red thorns. -What are the flowers for? 721 00:54:04,100 --> 00:54:06,212 For getting rid of Donkey. 722 00:54:06,312 --> 00:54:08,548 Now, you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out. 723 00:54:08,648 --> 00:54:10,517 Hey! Easy with the yankin'. 724 00:54:10,583 --> 00:54:14,154 -I'm sorry, but it has to come out. -No, it's tender. 725 00:54:14,220 --> 00:54:15,689 Now, hold on. 726 00:54:15,755 --> 00:54:17,230 What you're doing is the opposite of help. 727 00:54:17,900 --> 00:54:18,525 Don't move. 728 00:54:18,591 --> 00:54:20,427 -Look, look, time-out. -Would you... 729 00:54:20,527 --> 00:54:25,980 Okay. What do you propose we do? 730 00:54:25,198 --> 00:54:27,834 Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. 731 00:54:27,901 --> 00:54:30,236 This would be so much easier if I wasn't colour blind! 732 00:54:30,337 --> 00:54:32,405 Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. 733 00:54:32,505 --> 00:54:34,574 Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! 734 00:54:36,409 --> 00:54:38,545 Not good. 735 00:54:38,611 --> 00:54:42,115 Okay. Okay, I can nearly see the head. It's just about... 736 00:54:48,221 --> 00:54:51,224 Nothing happened. We were just... 737 00:54:51,291 --> 00:54:54,461 Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask, okay? 738 00:54:54,561 --> 00:54:58,980 Come on! That's the last thing on my mind. 739 00:54:58,198 --> 00:55:01,868 The princess here was just... 740 00:55:06,639 --> 00:55:10,243 Hey, what's that? That's... Is that blood? 741 00:56:28,855 --> 00:56:30,690 Hey! 742 00:56:41,340 --> 00:56:42,869 There it is, Princess. 743 00:56:43,837 --> 00:56:45,372 Your future awaits you. 744 00:56:45,472 --> 00:56:47,741 -That's Duloc? -Yeah, I know. 745 00:56:47,841 --> 00:56:50,343 You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, 746 00:56:50,410 --> 00:56:53,460 which I think means he has a really... 747 00:56:53,146 --> 00:56:55,480 I... 748 00:56:55,148 --> 00:56:58,852 -I guess we better move on. -Sure. But, Shrek? 749 00:56:59,919 --> 00:57:02,589 I'm worried about Donkey. 750 00:57:02,922 --> 00:57:05,580 -What? -I mean, look at him. 751 00:57:05,158 --> 00:57:08,161 -He doesn't look so good. -What are you talking about? I'm fine. 752 00:57:08,228 --> 00:57:09,729 Well, that's what they always say, 753 00:57:09,829 --> 00:57:12,332 and then next thing you know, you're on your back. 754 00:57:13,900 --> 00:57:15,835 -Dead. -You know, she's right. 755 00:57:16,102 --> 00:57:18,738 You look awful. Do you want to sit down? 756 00:57:18,838 --> 00:57:21,541 -You know, I'll make you some tea. -I didn't want to say nothin', 757 00:57:21,608 --> 00:57:24,544 but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look. 758 00:57:24,611 --> 00:57:26,513 -See? -Who's hungry? 759 00:57:26,579 --> 00:57:28,915 -I'll find us some dinner. -I'll get the firewood. 760 00:57:29,150 --> 00:57:33,620 Hey, where you goin'? Man, I can't feel my toes! 761 00:57:33,720 --> 00:57:35,188 I don't have any toes! 762 00:57:36,456 --> 00:57:38,191 I think I need a hug. 763 00:57:45,799 --> 00:57:48,768 This is good. This is really good. 764 00:57:50,704 --> 00:57:52,972 -What is this? -Weed rat. 765 00:57:53,707 --> 00:57:55,141 Rotisserie style. 766 00:57:55,241 --> 00:57:56,810 No kidding. 767 00:57:58,311 --> 00:57:59,646 Well, this is delicious. 768 00:57:59,746 --> 00:58:01,915 Well, they're also great in stews. 769 00:58:01,981 --> 00:58:06,653 Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. 770 00:58:10,490 --> 00:58:13,927 I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night. 771 00:58:15,595 --> 00:58:19,399 Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. 772 00:58:19,466 --> 00:58:21,501 I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you. 773 00:58:21,601 --> 00:58:25,472 Swamp-toad soup, fish-eye tartare, you name it. 774 00:58:27,507 --> 00:58:28,842 I'd like that. 775 00:58:41,454 --> 00:58:45,358 -Princess? -Yes, Shrek? 776 00:58:45,959 --> 00:58:50,764 I was wondering. Are you... 777 00:58:55,101 --> 00:58:57,203 Are you gonna eat that? 778 00:59:04,344 --> 00:59:07,781 Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. 779 00:59:07,847 --> 00:59:12,619 Sunset? No! I mean, it's late. It's very late. 780 00:59:12,686 --> 00:59:14,187 -What? -Wait a minute. 781 00:59:14,287 --> 00:59:16,189 I see what's goin' on here. 782 00:59:16,723 --> 00:59:19,192 -You're afraid of the dark, aren't you? -Yes! 783 00:59:19,292 --> 00:59:23,290 Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know what, I'd better go inside. 784 00:59:23,129 --> 00:59:26,833 Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until... 785 00:59:26,900 --> 00:59:29,569 Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. 786 00:59:31,237 --> 00:59:34,574 -Good night. -Good night. 787 00:59:38,411 --> 00:59:41,881 Now I really see what's goin' on here. 788 00:59:41,981 --> 00:59:43,683 What are you talkin' about? 789 00:59:43,750 --> 00:59:46,252 I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. 790 00:59:46,353 --> 00:59:48,555 I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it. 791 00:59:48,655 --> 00:59:52,359 You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. 792 00:59:52,425 --> 00:59:55,562 Come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. 793 00:59:55,662 --> 00:59:58,331 -Just go on in and tell her how you feel. -I... 794 00:59:58,398 --> 01:00:02,402 There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, 795 01:00:02,502 --> 01:00:08,800 well, you know... And I'm not sayin' I do, 'cause I don't... 796 01:00:08,740 --> 01:00:10,543 She's a princess, and I'm... 797 01:00:11,770 --> 01:00:15,281 -An ogre? -Yeah. An ogre. 798 01:00:16,349 --> 01:00:20,420 -Hey, where you goin'7 -To get more firewood. 799 01:00:39,239 --> 01:00:42,942 Princess? Princess Fiona? 800 01:00:48,114 --> 01:00:50,250 Princess, where are you? 801 01:00:55,889 --> 01:00:57,724 Princess? 802 01:01:01,728 --> 01:01:04,798 It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. 803 01:01:15,608 --> 01:01:17,811 -No! No! -No, help! 804 01:01:17,911 --> 01:01:20,513 -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -No, it's okay. It's okay. 805 01:01:20,613 --> 01:01:23,683 -What did you do with the princess? -Donkey, I'm the princess. 806 01:01:23,783 --> 01:01:26,152 It's me, in this body. 807 01:01:26,252 --> 01:01:28,788 Oh, my God! You ate the princess! 808 01:01:28,855 --> 01:01:30,623 -Can you hear me? -Donkey! 809 01:01:30,690 --> 01:01:32,459 -Listen, keep breathing! -No! 810 01:01:32,525 --> 01:01:35,762 I'll get you out of there! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! 811 01:01:35,829 --> 01:01:38,264 -Shrek! -This is me. 812 01:01:43,503 --> 01:01:45,939 Princess? 813 01:01:46,600 --> 01:01:50,977 What happened to you? You're different. 814 01:01:51,440 --> 01:01:53,680 -I'm ugly, okay? -Well, yeah. 815 01:01:53,780 --> 01:01:56,816 Was it something that you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. 816 01:01:56,883 --> 01:01:59,452 -You are what you eat, I said. Now... -No. 817 01:01:59,519 --> 01:02:02,856 I've been this way as long as I can remember. 818 01:02:02,956 --> 01:02:05,625 What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before. 819 01:02:05,692 --> 01:02:08,395 It only happens when the sun goes down. 820 01:02:10,630 --> 01:02:15,468 "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm 821 01:02:15,902 --> 01:02:21,841 "until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true form." 822 01:02:24,210 --> 01:02:27,180 That's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. 823 01:02:27,247 --> 01:02:30,316 It's a spell. 824 01:02:30,383 --> 01:02:34,888 When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. 825 01:02:34,988 --> 01:02:37,257 Every night I become this, 826 01:02:38,224 --> 01:02:41,610 this horrible, ugly beast. 827 01:02:43,596 --> 01:02:48,535 I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. 828 01:02:48,601 --> 01:02:51,338 That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow 829 01:02:51,404 --> 01:02:56,676 before the sun sets and he sees me like this. 830 01:02:58,912 --> 01:03:02,248 All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. 831 01:03:02,349 --> 01:03:06,519 You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. 832 01:03:06,586 --> 01:03:09,589 But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7. 833 01:03:09,689 --> 01:03:13,226 But, Donkey, I'm a princess, 834 01:03:13,293 --> 01:03:16,290 and this is not how a princess is meant to look. 835 01:03:17,731 --> 01:03:20,600 Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad? 836 01:03:20,700 --> 01:03:22,569 have to. 837 01:03:22,635 --> 01:03:25,472 Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. 838 01:03:25,972 --> 01:03:29,109 But, you know, you're kind of an ogre, 839 01:03:29,209 --> 01:03:32,445 and Shrek, well, you got a lot in common. 840 01:03:33,146 --> 01:03:34,247 Shrek? 841 01:03:34,814 --> 01:03:38,251 Princess, I... How's it going, first of all? 842 01:03:38,318 --> 01:03:42,589 Good? Good for me, too. I'm okay. 843 01:03:42,655 --> 01:03:47,961 I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and... 844 01:03:48,610 --> 01:03:51,431 Well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 845 01:03:51,498 --> 01:03:56,302 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd... 846 01:03:58,400 --> 01:04:01,608 I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go. 847 01:04:01,675 --> 01:04:03,910 I can't just marry whoever I want. 848 01:04:03,977 --> 01:04:06,446 Take a good look at me, Donkey. 849 01:04:06,513 --> 01:04:08,281 I mean, really, 850 01:04:08,348 --> 01:04:11,317 who could ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? 851 01:04:11,418 --> 01:04:13,520 Princess and ugly don't go together. 852 01:04:13,620 --> 01:04:16,220 That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. 853 01:04:16,122 --> 01:04:20,527 My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. 854 01:04:21,995 --> 01:04:25,865 Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. 855 01:04:28,368 --> 01:04:30,804 It's the only way to break the spell. 856 01:04:30,870 --> 01:04:32,706 You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. 857 01:04:32,806 --> 01:04:36,109 No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know. 858 01:04:36,176 --> 01:04:38,712 What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? 859 01:04:38,812 --> 01:04:41,281 Promise you won't tell. Promise! 860 01:04:41,348 --> 01:04:44,184 All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. 861 01:04:45,510 --> 01:04:46,553 I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need 862 01:04:46,653 --> 01:04:49,556 a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitch in'. 863 01:05:14,547 --> 01:05:18,180 I tell him, I tell him not. 864 01:05:19,419 --> 01:05:21,921 I tell him, I tell him not. 865 01:05:23,256 --> 01:05:24,591 tell him. 866 01:05:24,691 --> 01:05:29,429 Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want... 867 01:05:50,850 --> 01:05:52,419 Shrek. 868 01:05:53,853 --> 01:05:57,924 -Are you all right? -Perfect! Never been better. 869 01:05:58,240 --> 01:06:01,261 I... I don't... There's something I have to tell you. 870 01:06:01,561 --> 01:06:03,930 You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. 871 01:06:04,300 --> 01:06:06,700 -I heard enough last night. -You heard what I said? 872 01:06:06,766 --> 01:06:08,568 Every word. 873 01:06:08,635 --> 01:06:10,700 I thought you'd understand. 874 01:06:10,136 --> 01:06:11,905 understand. 875 01:06:11,971 --> 01:06:16,420 Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?" 876 01:06:16,976 --> 01:06:18,778 But I thought that wouldn't matter to you. 877 01:06:18,878 --> 01:06:20,914 Yeah? Well, it does. 878 01:06:22,949 --> 01:06:25,652 Right on time. 879 01:06:25,752 --> 01:06:28,455 Princess, I've brought you a little something. 880 01:06:34,127 --> 01:06:36,463 What'd I miss? What'd I miss? 881 01:06:36,563 --> 01:06:39,165 Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey. 882 01:06:40,567 --> 01:06:42,669 Princess Fiona. 883 01:06:42,769 --> 01:06:45,805 As promised. Now, hand it over. 884 01:06:45,905 --> 01:06:50,410 Very well, ogre. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. 885 01:06:50,477 --> 01:06:53,913 Take it and go before I change my mind. 886 01:06:54,981 --> 01:06:57,183 Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, 887 01:06:57,283 --> 01:06:59,686 but you startled me, 888 01:06:59,786 --> 01:07:03,456 for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. 889 01:07:03,523 --> 01:07:06,626 I am Lord Farquaad. 890 01:07:06,693 --> 01:07:10,530 Lord Farquaad? No, no. 891 01:07:11,531 --> 01:07:14,367 Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short 892 01:07:17,704 --> 01:07:19,105 farewell. 893 01:07:19,172 --> 01:07:24,177 That is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. 894 01:07:24,277 --> 01:07:26,379 It's not like it has feelings. 895 01:07:26,479 --> 01:07:29,849 No, you're right. It doesn't. 896 01:07:29,949 --> 01:07:33,953 Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless Fiona. 897 01:07:34,200 --> 01:07:37,290 I ask your hand in marriage. 898 01:07:37,357 --> 01:07:41,227 Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? 899 01:07:46,332 --> 01:07:50,804 Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make... 900 01:07:50,870 --> 01:07:54,140 Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! 901 01:07:54,207 --> 01:07:58,478 No! I mean, why wait? 902 01:07:58,545 --> 01:08:02,248 Let's get married today before sunset. 903 01:08:02,349 --> 01:08:05,510 Anxious, are we? You're right. 904 01:08:05,151 --> 01:08:09,550 The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! 905 01:08:09,155 --> 01:08:11,491 There's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. 906 01:08:11,558 --> 01:08:14,994 Captain, round up some guests! 907 01:08:15,610 --> 01:08:17,564 Fare thee well, ogre. 908 01:08:17,664 --> 01:08:19,899 Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away. 909 01:08:19,999 --> 01:08:21,501 Yeah? So what? 910 01:08:21,568 --> 01:08:23,436 Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. 911 01:08:23,536 --> 01:08:25,338 Look, I talked to her last night. She's... 912 01:08:25,405 --> 01:08:29,876 I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? 913 01:08:29,943 --> 01:08:33,279 Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? 914 01:08:33,380 --> 01:08:35,348 Shrek, I wanna go with you. 915 01:08:35,415 --> 01:08:38,385 I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. 916 01:08:38,451 --> 01:08:42,555 I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! 917 01:08:42,622 --> 01:08:44,591 Understand? Nobody! 918 01:08:44,691 --> 01:08:49,529 Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! 919 01:08:49,596 --> 01:08:52,766 -But I thought... -Yeah. You know what? 920 01:08:52,866 --> 01:08:54,534 You thought wrong! 921 01:08:56,803 --> 01:08:58,204 Shrek. 922 01:11:19,512 --> 01:11:23,550 Donkey? What are you doing? 923 01:11:23,616 --> 01:11:26,753 I would think, of all people, you would recognise a wall when you see one. 924 01:11:26,853 --> 01:11:28,521 Well, yeah. 925 01:11:28,588 --> 01:11:32,250 But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. 926 01:11:32,920 --> 01:11:34,894 It is around your half. See, that's your half, and this is my half. 927 01:11:34,961 --> 01:11:37,597 Your half. 928 01:11:37,797 --> 01:11:40,300 Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. 929 01:11:40,400 --> 01:11:42,535 I did half the work, I get half the booty. 930 01:11:42,602 --> 01:11:46,139 Now, hand me that big, old rock, the one that looks like your head. 931 01:11:46,239 --> 01:11:48,541 -Back off! -No, you back off. 932 01:11:48,608 --> 01:11:50,910 -This is my swamp! -Our swamp. 933 01:11:50,977 --> 01:11:52,245 -Let go, Donkey! -You let go. 934 01:11:52,312 --> 01:11:54,414 -Stubborn jackass! -Smelly ogre. 935 01:11:54,481 --> 01:11:56,716 Fine! 936 01:11:56,783 --> 01:11:58,651 Hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet. 937 01:11:58,752 --> 01:12:00,420 Well, I'm through with you. 938 01:12:00,487 --> 01:12:03,556 You know, with you, it's always, "Me, me, me!" 939 01:12:03,623 --> 01:12:08,428 Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So, you just shut up and pay attention! 940 01:12:08,495 --> 01:12:10,296 You are mean to me. 941 01:12:10,397 --> 01:12:13,990 You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! 942 01:12:13,166 --> 01:12:15,769 You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. 943 01:12:15,835 --> 01:12:20,140 Yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? 944 01:12:20,240 --> 01:12:23,443 Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other! 945 01:12:23,777 --> 01:12:26,746 Yeah. You're right, Donkey. 946 01:12:26,813 --> 01:12:31,170 I forgive you for stabbin' me in the back! 947 01:12:31,618 --> 01:12:35,210 You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, 948 01:12:35,121 --> 01:12:36,523 you're afraid of your own feelings. 949 01:12:36,623 --> 01:12:37,691 Go away! 950 01:12:37,791 --> 01:12:40,360 See, there you are, doing it again just like you did to Fiona. 951 01:12:40,460 --> 01:12:42,762 All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you. 952 01:12:42,829 --> 01:12:47,267 Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. 953 01:12:47,333 --> 01:12:49,200 I heard the two of you talking. 954 01:12:49,202 --> 01:12:53,600 She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about somebody else. 955 01:12:55,942 --> 01:12:59,112 She wasn't talking about me? 956 01:12:59,179 --> 01:13:00,714 Well, then who was she talking about? 957 01:13:00,814 --> 01:13:04,217 No way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me, right? 958 01:13:04,317 --> 01:13:07,200 -Right? No! -Donkey! 959 01:13:07,120 --> 01:13:10,623 Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? 960 01:13:17,230 --> 01:13:19,320 I'm sorry. 961 01:13:19,132 --> 01:13:23,370 I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. 962 01:13:24,571 --> 01:13:26,239 Can you forgive me? 963 01:13:28,975 --> 01:13:30,844 Hey, that's what friends are for, right? 964 01:13:30,910 --> 01:13:35,415 -Right. Friends? -Friends. 965 01:13:36,249 --> 01:13:40,820 So, what did Fiona say about me? 966 01:13:41,421 --> 01:13:44,657 What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? 967 01:13:44,724 --> 01:13:47,193 The wedding! We'll never make it in time. 968 01:13:47,260 --> 01:13:51,931 Never fear, for where there's a will, there's a way, and I have a way. 969 01:13:57,300 --> 01:13:59,439 Donkey? 970 01:13:59,539 --> 01:14:02,800 I guess it's just my animal magnetism. 971 01:14:04,611 --> 01:14:05,912 -Come here, you. -All right, all right. 972 01:14:06,120 --> 01:14:08,480 Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a k*****. 973 01:14:08,114 --> 01:14:10,684 All right, hop on and hold on tight. 974 01:14:10,750 --> 01:14:12,852 I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. 975 01:14:45,385 --> 01:14:47,754 People of Duloc, 976 01:14:48,722 --> 01:14:53,326 we gather here today to bear witness 977 01:14:53,426 --> 01:14:57,897 -to the union of our new king. -Excuse me. 978 01:14:57,964 --> 01:15:01,167 Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? 979 01:15:01,267 --> 01:15:02,669 Go on. 980 01:15:07,841 --> 01:15:11,244 Go ahead, have some fun. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? 981 01:15:14,347 --> 01:15:16,160 Shrek, wait, wait! Hey! Wait a minute! 982 01:15:16,116 --> 01:15:18,618 -You wanna do this right, don't you? -What are you talking about? 983 01:15:18,685 --> 01:15:20,253 There's a line you gotta wait for. 984 01:15:20,320 --> 01:15:22,856 The priest is gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." 985 01:15:22,956 --> 01:15:25,291 And that's when you say, "I object!" 986 01:15:25,358 --> 01:15:26,960 don't have time for this! 987 01:15:27,270 --> 01:15:28,962 Wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! 988 01:15:29,290 --> 01:15:30,697 -Look, you love this woman, don't you? -Yes. 989 01:15:30,797 --> 01:15:32,198 -You wanna hold her? -Yes. 990 01:15:32,298 --> 01:15:33,466 -Please her? -Yes! 991 01:15:33,533 --> 01:15:37,203 Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness 992 01:15:37,303 --> 01:15:38,605 The chicks love that romantic crap! 993 01:15:38,672 --> 01:15:41,875 All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? 994 01:15:42,709 --> 01:15:44,144 We gotta check it out. 995 01:15:44,210 --> 01:15:48,314 -And so, by the power vested in me... -What do you see? 996 01:15:48,381 --> 01:15:49,983 "he whole town's in there. 997 01:15:50,500 --> 01:15:53,186 -I now pronounce you husband... -They're at the altar. 998 01:15:53,286 --> 01:15:56,523 -...and wife, king and queen. -Mother Fletcher! He already said it. 999 01:15:56,623 --> 01:15:58,458 For the love of Pete! 1000 01:16:00,160 --> 01:16:02,529 I object! 1001 01:16:02,629 --> 01:16:06,366 -Shrek? -Now what does he want? 1002 01:16:09,969 --> 01:16:13,907 Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? 1003 01:16:14,700 --> 01:16:16,176 I love Duloc, first of all. Very clean. 1004 01:16:16,242 --> 01:16:17,677 What are you doing here? 1005 01:16:17,744 --> 01:16:20,880 Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, 1006 01:16:20,980 --> 01:16:24,317 -but showing up uninvited to a wedding. -Fiona! 1007 01:16:24,384 --> 01:16:27,387 -I need to talk to you. -Now you wanna talk? 1008 01:16:27,487 --> 01:16:30,323 Well, it's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me. 1009 01:16:30,390 --> 01:16:32,892 -But you can't marry him. -And why not? 1010 01:16:32,992 --> 01:16:36,996 Because, because he's just marrying you so he can be king. 1011 01:16:37,630 --> 01:16:39,499 Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. 1012 01:16:39,566 --> 01:16:42,902 -He's not your true love. -And what do you know about true love? 1013 01:16:43,200 --> 01:16:46,390 Well, I... 1014 01:16:46,106 --> 01:16:48,942 -I mean... -This is precious. 1015 01:16:50,276 --> 01:16:53,713 The ogre has fallen in love with the princess! 1016 01:16:53,780 --> 01:16:55,115 Good Lord. 1017 01:16:56,416 --> 01:16:58,510 An ogre and a princess! 1018 01:17:03,690 --> 01:17:06,359 Shrek, is this true? 1019 01:17:07,594 --> 01:17:10,230 Who cares? It's preposterous! 1020 01:17:10,296 --> 01:17:13,867 Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." 1021 01:17:13,933 --> 01:17:15,969 Now, kiss me! 1022 01:17:20,607 --> 01:17:23,943 "By night one way, by day another." 1023 01:17:26,446 --> 01:17:28,148 I wanted to show you before. 1024 01:17:51,938 --> 01:17:55,809 Well, that explains a lot. 1025 01:17:56,443 --> 01:17:59,746 It's disgusting! 1026 01:17:59,813 --> 01:18:01,614 Guards! Guards! 1027 01:18:01,681 --> 01:18:05,850 I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! 1028 01:18:05,151 --> 01:18:06,619 -Get them both! -No, no! 1029 01:18:06,686 --> 01:18:08,521 This hocus-pocus alters nothing. 1030 01:18:08,621 --> 01:18:11,658 This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! 1031 01:18:11,758 --> 01:18:14,270 -See? See? -No, let go of me! Shrek! 1032 01:18:14,127 --> 01:18:15,829 -No! -Don't just stand there, you morons. 1033 01:18:15,929 --> 01:18:17,997 Get out of my way! Fiona! 1034 01:18:23,970 --> 01:18:26,873 I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! 1035 01:18:26,973 --> 01:18:29,709 -You'll beg for death to save you! -No! Shrek! 1036 01:18:29,809 --> 01:18:32,112 And as for you, my wife... 1037 01:18:32,178 --> 01:18:33,179 Fiona! 1038 01:18:33,279 --> 01:18:36,182 ...I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! 1039 01:18:36,549 --> 01:18:41,988 I am king! I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have... 1040 01:18:47,894 --> 01:18:51,131 All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it. 1041 01:18:52,532 --> 01:18:54,334 I'm a donkey on the edge! 1042 01:18:58,371 --> 01:19:00,740 Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? 1043 01:19:04,770 --> 01:19:05,412 Go ahead, Shrek. 1044 01:19:07,814 --> 01:19:09,716 Fiona? 1045 01:19:09,816 --> 01:19:11,584 Yes, Shrek? 1046 01:19:12,520 --> 01:19:15,689 I love you. 1047 01:19:16,756 --> 01:19:18,491 Really? 1048 01:19:19,859 --> 01:19:21,610 Really, really. 1049 01:19:30,303 --> 01:19:33,540 "and then take love's true form." 1050 01:19:57,397 --> 01:20:00,333 "Take love's true form. Take love's true form." 1051 01:20:07,240 --> 01:20:08,475 Fiona? 1052 01:20:11,678 --> 01:20:15,348 Fiona. Are you all right? 1053 01:20:17,417 --> 01:20:19,519 Well, yes. 1054 01:20:19,586 --> 01:20:23,923 But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. 1055 01:20:27,160 --> 01:20:28,595 But you are beautiful. 1056 01:21:11,905 --> 01:21:15,709 God bless us, every one. 1057 01:22:25,545 --> 01:22:28,248 That's funny. 1058 01:22:28,314 --> 01:22:30,884 can't breathe. I can't breathe.