Once upon a time in a kingdom Far Far Away,
the king and queen were blessed with a beautiful baby girl.
And throughout the land, everyone was happy
until the sun went down
and they saw that their daughter was cursed with a frightful enchantment
that took hold each and every night.
Desperate, they sought the help of a fairy godmother
who had them lock the young princess away in a tower,
there to await the kiss of the handsome Prince Charming.
It was he who would chance the perilous journey
through blistering cold and scorching desert
travelling for many days and nights,
risking life and limb
to reach the Dragon's Keep.
For he was the bravest
and most handsome
in all the land.
And it was destiny that his kiss
would break the dreaded curse.
He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower
to enter the princess's chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette,
pull back the gossamer curtains to find her...
What?
- Princess Fiona? - No!
Oh, thank heavens. Where is she?
- She's on her honeymoon. - Honeymoon? With whom?
It's so good to be home!
Just you and me and...
Donkey?
Shrek! Fiona! Aren't you two a sight for sore eyes!
Give us a hug, Shrek, you old love machine.
And look at you, Mrs Shrek. How about a side of sugar for the steed?
Donkey, what are you doing here?
I was just taking care of your love nest for you.
Oh, you mean like sorting the mail and watering the plants.
- Yeah, and feeding the fish! -1 don't have any fish.
You do now. I call that one Shrek and the other Fiona.
That Shrek is a rascally devil. Get your...
Will you look at the time. I guess you'd better be going.
Don't you want to tell me about your trip? Or how about a game of Parcheesi?
Actually, Donkey? Shouldn't you be getting home to Dragon?
Oh, yeah, that.
I don't know. She's been all moody and stuff lately.
So I thought I'd move back in with you guys.
Well, you know we're always happy to see you, Donkey.
But Fiona and I are married now.
We need a little time, you know, to be together.
Just with each other.
Alone.
Say no more. You don't have to worry about a thing.
I will always be here to make sure nobody bothers you.
- Donkey! - Yes, roomie?
You're bothering me.
Oh, OK. All right, cool. I guess...
Me and Pinocchio was gonna try to catch a tournament, anyway,
so maybe I'll see y'all Sunday for a barbecue or something.
He'll be fine. Now, where were we?
think I remember.
Donkey!
I know, I know! Alone! I'm going! I'm going.
But what do you want me to tell these guys?
Enough, Reggie.
"Dearest Princess Fiona:
You are hereby summoned to the Kingdom of Far Far Away
for a royal ball in celebration of your marriage,
at which time the King will bestow his royal blessing
upon you and your...
...Prince Charming.
Love, the King and Queen of Far Far Away...
...aka Mom and Dad."
Mom and Dad?
- Prince Charming? - Royal ball? Can I come?
- We're not going. - What?
I mean, don't you think they might be a bit shocked
to see you like this?
Well, they might be a bit surprised.
But they're my parents, Shrek. They love me.
And don't worry. They're gonna love you, too.
Yeah, right. Somehow I don't think I'll be welcome at the country club.
Will you stop it? They're not like that.
How do you explain Sergeant Pompous and the Fancy Pants Club Band?
Come on! You could at least give them a chance.
To do what? Sharpen their pitchforks?
No! They just want to give you their blessing.
Oh, great. Now I need their blessing?
If you want to be a part of this family, yes.
Who says I want to be part of this family?
You did! When you married me!
Well, there's some fine print for you!
So that's it. You won't come?
Trust me. It's a bad idea. We are not going! And that's final!
Come on, Shrek! We don't want to hit traffic!
Don't worry! We'll take care of everything.
Hey, wait for me!
All right, hit it!
- Are we there yet? - No.
- Are we there yet? - Not yet.
- OK, are we there yet? - No.
- Are we there yet? - No!
- Are we there yet? -Yes.
- Really? - No!
- Are we there yet? - No!
- Are we there yet? - No, we are not!
- Are we there yet? - No!
- Are we there yet? - Are we there yet?
- Hey, that's not funny. - That's not funny.
- That's really immature. - That's really immature.
- This is why nobody likes ogres. - ...why no one likes ogres.
- All right! Your loss! - ...your loss.
- I'm gonna just stop talking. - Finally!
This is taking forever, Shrek. There's no in-flight movie or nothing!
The Kingdom of Far Far Away, Donkey.
That's where we're going. Far, far...
...away!
All right, all right, I get it. I'm just so darn bored.
Well, find a way to entertain yourself.
For five minutes...
Could you not be yourself for five minutes!
Are we there yet?
-Yes! - Oh, finally!
It's going to be champagne wishes and caviar dreams from now on.
Hey, good looking! We'll be back to pick you up later!
Pantyhose!
We are definitely not in the swamp anymore.
Hey, everyone, look!
Hey, ladies! Nice day for a parade! Yeah! You working that hat.
Swimming pools! Movie stars!
Announcing the long-awaited return
of the beautiful Princess Fiona and her new husband.
Well, this is it.
- This is it. - This is it.
"his is it.
Why don't you guys go ahead? I'll park the car.
So, you still think this is a good idea?
Of course! Look! Mom and Dad look happy to see us.
- Who on earth are they? -1 think that's our little girl.
That's not little! That's a really big problem.
Wasn't she supposed to kiss Prince Charming and break the spell?
Well, he's no Prince Charming, but they do look...
Happy now? We came. We saw them.
Now let's go before they light the torches.
- They're my parents. - Hello? They locked you in a tower.
Hey! That was for my own...
Good! Here's our chance. Let's go back inside and pretend we're not home.
Harold! We have to be...
Quick! While they're not looking we can make a run for it.
Shrek, stop it! Everything's gonna be...
A disaster! There is no way...
- You can do this. - But I really...
- Really... - Really!
...don't... want... to... be...
...here!
Mom...
Dad...
I'd like you to meet my husband...
...Shrek.
Well...
It's easy to see where Fiona gets her good looks from.
Excuse me.
Better out than in, I always say, eh, Fiona?
That's good.
I guess not.
What do you mean, "not on the list?" Don't tell me you don't know who I am.
Hey! What's happening, everybody? Thanks for waiting.
I had the hardest time finding this place.
No! No! Bad donkey! Bad! Down!
No, Dad! It's all right. It's all right. He's with us.
- He helped rescue me from the dragon. - Yep, that's me: the noble steed.
Hey, waiter! How about a bowl for the steed?
Oh, boy.
- Shrek! - Yeah?
Oh, sorry! Great soup, Mrs Q.
No, no. Darling.
So, Fiona, tell us about where you live.
Well...
Shrek owns his own land.
- Don't you, honey? - Oh, yes!
It's in an enchanted forest...
...abundant in squirrels
and cute little duckies and...
What? I know you ain't talking about the swamp.
- Donkey! - An ogre from a swamp. How original.
Well, I suppose that would be a fine place to raise the children.
It's a bit early to be thinking about that, isn't it?
- Indeed. I just started eating. - Harold!
- What's that supposed to mean? - Dad. It's great, OK?
- For his type, yes. - My type?
I got to go to the bathroom.
- Dinner is served! - Never mind. I can hold it.
Mexican food! My favourite.
Well, let's not just sit here with our tummies rumbling. Everybody dig in.
Don't mind if I do, Lillian.
So, I suppose any grandchildren I could expect from you would be...
Ogres, yes!
Not that there's anything wrong with that. Right, Harold?
Oh, no! No! Of course, not!
That is, assuming you don't eat your own young!
-Dad! - Oh, no.
We usually prefer the ones who've been locked away in a tower!
- Shrek, please! -1 only did that because I loved her.
Aye, day care or dragon-guarded castle.
You wouldn't understand. You're not her father!
It's so nice to have the family together for dinner.
- Harold! - Shrek!
- Fiona! - Fiona!
- Mom! - Harold...
Donkey!
Oh, my dear. Oh, look at you.
You're all...
...grown up.
- Who are you? - Oh, sweet pea!
I'm your fairy godmother.
I have a fairy godmother?
Now don't worry. I'm here to make it all better.
With just a...
Stop!
Look...
Thank you very much, Fairy Godmother,
but I really don't need all this.
- Fine. Be that way. - We didn't like you, anyway.
Fiona? Fiona?
Oh! You got a puppy? All I got in my room was shampoo.
Fairy Godmother, furniture...
I'd like you to meet my husband, Shrek.
Your husband? What? What did you say? When did this happen?
Shrek is the one who rescued me.
- But that can't be right. - Oh, great, more relatives!
She's just trying to help.
Good! She can help us pack. Get your coat, dear. We're leaving.
- What? - Leaving? I don't want to leave.
When did you decide this?
- Shortly after arriving. - Look, I'm sorry...
No, that's all right. I need to go, anyway.
But remember, dear. If you should ever need me,
happiness is just a teardrop away.
Thanks, but we've got all the happiness we need.
Happy, happy, happy...
So I see.
Let's go, Kyle.
- Very nice, Shrek. - What?
I told you coming here was a bad idea.
You could have at least tried to get along with my father.
You know, somehow I don't think I was going to get Daddy's blessing,
even if I did want it.
Well, do you think it might be nice if somebody asked me what I wanted?
Sure. Do you want me to pack for you?
You're unbelievable! You're behaving like a...
- Go on! Say it! - Like an ogre!
Well, here's a news flash for you!
Whether your parents like it or not... I am an ogre!
And guess what, Princess? That's not about to change.
I've made changes for you, Shrek. Think about that.
That's real smooth, Shrek. "I'm an ogre!"
-1 knew this would happen. - You should. You started it.
I can hardly believe that, Lillian. Really! He's the ogre. Not me.
I think, Harold, you're taking this a little too personally.
"his is Fiona's choice.
Yes, but she was supposed to choose the prince we picked out for her.
I mean, you expect me to give my blessings to this... this thing?
Fiona does. And she'll never forgive you if you don't.
I don't want to lose our daughter again, Harold.
You act as if love is totally predictable.
Don't you remember when we were young and...
We used to walk down by the lily pond and...
- ...they were in bloom... - Our first kiss.
It's not the same!
I don't think you realize that our daughter has married a monster!
Oh, stop being such a drama king.
Fine! Pretend there's nothing wrong!
Isn't it all wonderful! I'd like to know how it could get any worse!
- Hello, Harold. - What happened?
Nothing, dear! Just the old hunting wound playing up a bit!
I'll just stretch it out here for a while.
You better get in.
We need to talk.
Actually, Fairy Godmother, just off to bed.
Already taken my pills, and they tend to make me a bit drowsy.
So, how about... We make this a quick visit. What?
Oh, hello.
So, what's new?
You remember my son, Prince Charming?
Charming! Is that you? My gosh! It's been years.
When did you get back?
Oh, about five minutes ago, actually.
After I endured blistering winds, scorching desert...
I climbed to the highest room in the tallest tower...
Mommy can handle this.
He endures blistering winds and scorching desert!
He climbs to the highest bloody room of the tallest bloody tower...
And what does he find?
Some gender-confused wolf telling him that his princess...
- If I can just... - ...is already married.
It wasn't my fault. He didn't get there in time.
Stop the car!
Harold...
You force me to do something I really don't want to do.
Where are we?
Well, hi. Welcome to Friar's Fat Boy! May I take your order?
My diet is ruined! I hope you're happy.
OK... Two Renaissance Wraps, no mayo... chilli rings...
- I'll have the Medieval Meal. - One Medieval Meal and, Harold,
- curly fries? - No, thank you.
Sourdough soft taco, then? What do you want?
No, really, I'm fine.
Your order, Fairy Godmother. This comes with the Medieval Meal.
Here you are, dear.
We made a deal, Harold. I assume you don't want me to go back on my part.
Indeed not.
So, Fiona and Charming will be together.
-Yes. - Believe me, Harold. It's what's best.
Not only for your daughter...
...but for your Kingdom.
What am I supposed to do about it?
Use your imagination.
Come on in, Your Majesty.
Excuse me.
Do I know you?
No, you must be mistaking me for someone else.
Excuse me. I'm looking for the Ugly Stepsister.
There you are. Right.
You see, I need to have someone taken care of.
- Who's the guy? - Well, he's not a guy, per se.
He's an ogre.
Hey, buddy, let me clue you in.
There's only one fellow who can handle a job like that, and, frankly...
...he don't like to be disturbed.
Where could I find him?
Hello?
Who dares enter my room?
Sorry! I hope I'm not interrupting, but I'm told you're the one to talk to
about an ogre problem?
You are told correct.
But for this, I charge a great deal of money.
Would this be enough?
You have engaged my valuable services, Your Majesty.
Just tell me where I can find this ogre.
Dear Knight, I pray that you take this favour as a token of my gratitude.
Dear Diary...
Sleeping Beauty is having a slumber party tomorrow,
but Dad says I can't go. He never lets me out after sunset.
Dad says I'm going away for a while.
Must be like some finishing school or something.
Mom says that when I'm old enough,
my handsome Prince Charming will rescue me from my tower
and bring me back to my family.
And we'll all live happily ever after.
Mrs Fiona Charming.
Mrs Fiona Charming...
Sorry. I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
No, no. I was just reading a scary book.
I was hoping you'd let me apologize for my despicable behaviour earlier.
-OK... -1 don't know what came over me.
Do you suppose we could pretend it never happened and start over...
- Look, Your Majesty, I just... - Please. Call me Dad.
Dad. We both acted like ogres.
Maybe we just need some time to get to know each other.
Excellent idea! I was actually hoping you might join me for a morning hunt.
A little father-son time?
I know it would mean the world to Fiona.
Shall we say, 7:30 by the old oak?
Face it, Donkey! We're lost.
We can't be lost. We followed the King's instructions exactly.
What did he say? "Head to the deepest, darkest part of the woods..."
-Aye. - "Past the sinister trees
- with those scary-looking branches." - Check.
Yeah, and there's that bush shaped like Shirley Bassey!
We passed that bush three times already!
Hey, you were the one who said you didn't wanna stop for directions.
Great. My one chance to fix things up with Fiona's dad
and I end up lost in the woods with you!
All right. You don't have to get all huffy! I'm only trying to help.
know! I know.
- I'm sorry, all right? - Hey, don't worry about it.
I just really need to make things work with this guy.
Yeah, sure. Now let's go bond with Daddy.
Well, well, well, Donkey.
I know it was kind of a tender moment back there, but the purring?
What are you talking about? I ain't purring.
Oh, sure. What's next? A hug?
Shrek, donkeys don't purr. What do you think I am, some kind of a...
Fear me! If you dare!
Hey, look! A little cat.
- Look out, Shrek! He got a piece! - It's a cat, Donkey.
Come here, little kitty, kitty, kitty.
Come on, little kitty. Come here. Oh! Come here, little kitty.
- Hold on, Shrek! I'm coming! - Come on! Get it off! Get it off!
- Look out, Shrek! Hold still! - Get it off!
Shrek! Hold still!
- Did I miss? - No. You got them.
Now, ye ogre, pray for mercy from...
...Puss... In Boots.
I'll kill that cat!
- Hairball. - Oh! That is nasty!
What do you reckon we should do with him?
I say we take the sword and neuter him right here.
Give him the Bob Barker treatment.
No! Please, I implore you! It was nothing personal, Senor.
I was doing it only for my family. My mother, she is sick.
And my father lives off the garbage!
The King offered me much in gold and I have a litter of brothers...
Fiona's father paid you to do this?
The rich King? Si.
Well, so much for Dad's royal blessing.
Come on, Shrek. Don't feel bad.
Almost everybody that meets you wants to kill you.
Gee, thanks.
Maybe Fiona would've been better off if I were some sort of Prince Charming.
That's what the King said.
Sorry. I thought that question was directed at me.
Shrek, Fiona knows you'd do anything for her.
Well, it's not like I wouldn't change if I could.
I just...
I just wish I could make her happy.
Hold the phone...
"Happiness."
"A tear drop away."
Donkey! Think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you!
Man, where do I begin?
First there was the time that old farmer tried to sell me for some magic beans.
I ain't never got over that.
Then this fool had a party and he have the guests trying to pin the tail on me.
Then they got drunk and start beating me with a stick, going "Pinata!"
What is a pinata, anyway?
No, Donkey! I need you to cry!
Don't go projecting on me. I know you're feeling bad, but you got to let...
You little, hairy, litter-licking sack of...
What? Is it on? Is it on?
This is Fairy Godmother.
I'm either away from my desk or with a client. But if you come by the office,
we'll be glad to make you a personal appointment.
Have a "happy ever after."
Are you up for a little quest, Donkey?
All right, that's more like it!
Shrek and Donkey, on another whirlwind adventure!
- Stop, Ogre! I have misjudged you. - Join the club. We've got jackets.
On my honour, I am obliged to accompany you
until I have saved your life as you have spared me mine.
I'm sorry, the position of annoying talking animal has already been taken.
Let's go, Shrek. Shrek?
- Shrek! - Come on, Donkey. Look at him...
...in his wee little boots.
You know, how many cats can wear boots? Honestly.
- Let's keep him! - Say what?
Listen. He's purring!
- So now it's cute. - Come on, Donkey. Lighten up.
Lighten up? I should lighten up. Look who's telling who to lighten up!
Shrek...
Shrek?
They're both festive, aren't they? What do you think, Harold?
Yes. Yes, fine. Fine.
Try to at least pretend that you're interested
in your daughter's wedding ball.
Honestly, Lillian, I don't think it really matters.
How do we know there's even going to be a ball?
Mom. Dad.
- Oh, hello, dear. - What's that, Cedric? Right! Coming.
Mom, have you seen Shrek?
I haven't. You should ask your father.
Be sure and use small words, dear. He's a little slow this morning.
- Can I help you, Your Majesty? -Yes!
Exquisite. What do you call this dish?
That would be the dog's breakfast, Your Majesty.
Yes. Very good, then. Carry on, Cedric.
- Dad? Have you seen Shrek? - No, I haven't, dear.
I'm sure he just went off to look for a nice mud hole to cool down in.
You know, after your little spat last night.
- You heard that? - Darling, the whole kingdom heard you.
I mean, after all, it is in his nature to be,
well, a bit of a brute.
Him? You know, you didn't exactly roll out the welcome wagon.
Well, what did you expect? Look at what he's done to you.
Shrek loves me for who I am.
I would think you'd be happy for me.
Darling, I'm just thinking about what's best for you.
Maybe you should do the same.
No, really?
No, that's the old Keebler's place. Let's just back away slowly.
That's the Fairy Godmother's cottage.
She's the largest producer of hexes and potions in the whole kingdom.
Then why don't we pop in there for a spell? Spell.
He makes me laugh.
Hi. I'm here to see the...
The Fairy Godmother. I'm sorry. She is not in.
Jerome! Coffee and a Monte Cristo. Now!
Yes, Fairy Godmother. Right away.
Look, she's not seeing any clients today, OK?
That's OK, buddy. We're from the union.
"he union?
We represent the workers in all magical industries, both evil and benign.
Oh! Right.
Are you feeling at all degraded or oppressed?
A little. We don't even have dental.
They don't even have dental.
OK, we're just gonna have a look around.
By the way, I think it'd be better
if the Fairy Godmother didn't know we were here.
Know what I'm saying?
- Stop it. - Of course. Go right in.
A drop of desire.
Naughty.
A pinch of passion.
And just a hint of...
...lust!
Excuse me.
Sorry to barge in like this, but...
What in Grimm's name are you doing here?
Well...
It seems that Fiona's not exactly happy.
And there's some question as to why that is?
Well, let's explore that, shall we?
Princess. Cinderella.
Here we are. "Lived happily ever after." Oh...
No ogres!
Let's see. Snow White.
A handsome prince. Oh, no ogres.
Sleeping Beauty. Oh, no ogres!
Hansel and Gretel? No! Thumbelina? No.
The Golden Bird, The Little Mermaid, Pretty Woman...
No, no, no, no, no!
You see, ogres don't live happily ever after.
- All right, look, lady! - Don't you point
those dirty green sausages at me!
Monte Cristo and coffee.
Oh! Sorry.
That's OK. We were just leaving.
Very sorry to have wasted your time, Miss Godmother.
Just go.
Come on, guys.
TGIF, eh, buddy?
Working hard or hardly working, eh, Mac?
Man, you wanna get your fine Corinthian footwear
and your cat cheeks out of my face? Man, that stinks!
Well, you don't exactly smell like a basket of roses.
- Well, one of these has got to help. -1 was just concocting this very plan!
Already our minds are becoming one.
Listen, if we need an expert on licking ourselves, we'll give you a call.
Shrek, this is a bad idea.
Look. Make yourself useful and go keep watch.
Puss, do you think you could get to those on top?
No problema, boss.
In one of my nine lives, I was the great cat burglar of Santiago de Compostela.
Shrek, are you off your nut?
Donkey, keep watch.
Keep watch? Yeah, I'm gonna keep watch.
I'll watch that wicked witch come down here
and whammy zammy a world of hurt all up your backside.
I'm gonna laugh, too. I'm gonna be giggling to myself.
- What do you see? - "Toad Stool Softener?"
Oh, yeah. I'm sure a nice BM is the perfect solution for marital problems.
Elf a Seltzer?
- "Hex Lax?" - No! Try "Handsome."
Sorry. No handsome.
Hey! How about "Happily Ever After?"
Well, what does it do?
It says "Beauty Divine."
In some cultures, donkeys are revered as the wisest of all creatures.
Especially us talking ones.
Donkey!
That'll have to do. We've got company.
Can we get on with this?
Hurry!
Nice catch, Donkey!
Finally! A good use for your mouth.
Come on!
Look, I don't care whose fault it is. Just get this place cleaned up!
Yes, Godmother.
And somebody bring me something deep fried and smothered in chocolate!
- Mother! - Charming. Sweetheart.
This isn't a good time, pumpkin. Mama's working.
- Well, what happened here? - The ogre, that's what!
What? Where is he, Mom?
I shall rend his head from his shoulders!
will smite him where he stands!
He will rue the very day he stole my kingdom from me!
Put it away, junior! You're still gonna be king.
We're just gonna have to come up with something smarter, that's all.
Pardon...
Everything is accounted for, Fairy Godmother, except for one potion.
What?
I do believe we can make this work to our advantage.
"Happily Ever After Potion. Maximum strength.
For you and your true love.
If one of you drinks this, you both will be fine.
Happiness, comfort and beauty divine."
"You both will be fine?"
I guess it means it'll affect Fiona, too.
Hey, man, this don't feel right. My donkey senses are tingling all over.
Why don't you drop that jug o' voodoo and let's get out of here.
It says, "Beauty Divine." How bad can it be?
See, you're allergic to that stuff. You're gonna have a reaction.
And if you think that I'm gonna be smearing VapoRub
all over your chest, think again!
Boss, just in case there is something wrong with the potion,
allow me to take the first sip.
It would be an honour to lay my life on the line for you.
No, no, no. I don't think so.
If there's gonna be any animal testing, I'm gonna do it.
That's the best friend's job. Now give me that bottle.
How do you feel?
I don't feel any different. I look any different?
You still look like an ass to me.
Maybe it doesn't work on donkeys.
Well...
- Here's to us, Fiona. - Shrek!
- You drink that, there's no going back. -1 know.
- But, no more wallowing in the mud? -1 know.
- No more itchy butt crack? -1 know!
- But you love being an ogre! -1 know!
But I love Fiona more.
Shrek, no! Wait!
Got to be... Shrek, I think you grabbed the "Farty Ever After" potion.
Maybe it's a dud.
Or maybe Fiona and I were never meant to be.
What did I tell you? I think I feel something coming on.
I don't want to die. I don't want to die!
I don't want to die! Oh, sweet sister, mother of mercy. I'm melting!
I'm melting!
It's just the rain, Donkey.
Shrek, don't worry. Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hit man to whack you.
It'll be better in the morning. You'll see.
Bet my bottom?
I'm coming, Elizabeth!
Donkey? Are you all right?
Hey, boss. Let's shave him.
Donkey?
There you are! We missed you at dinner.
What is it, darling?
Dad...
I've been thinking about what you said.
And I'm going to set things right.
Excellent! That's my girl.
It was a mistake to bring Shrek here.
I'm going to go out and find him.
And then we're gonna go back to the swamp where we belong.
Fiona, please!
Let's not be rash, darling. You can't go anywhere right now.
- Fiona... - Fiona!
Look, I told you he was here. Look at him! Quiet. Look at him.
Good morning, sleepyhead.
- Good morning! - Good morning!
We love your kitty!
- My head... - Here, I fetched you a pail of water.
"hanks.
A cute button nose?
Thick, wavy locks?
Taut, round buttocks?
I'm... I'm...
- Gorgeous! - I'll say.
I'm Jill. What's your name?
- Shrek. - Shrek? Wow. Are you from Europe?
- You're so tense. -1 want to rub his shoulders.
-1 got it covered, thanks. -1 don't have anything to rub.
Get in line.
Have you seen my donkey?
Who are you calling Donkey?
- Donkey? You're a... - A stallion, baby!
I can whinny. I can count.
Look at me, Shrek! I'm trotting!
That's some quality potion. What's in that stuff?
"Oh, don't take the potion, Mr Boss, it's very bad."
"Warning: Side effects may include burning, itching, oozing, weeping."
"Not intended for heart patients or those with nervous disorders."
I'm trotting, I'm trotting in place! Yeah!
What?
Senoii
"To make the effects of this potion permanent
the drinker must obtain his true love's kiss by midnight."
Midnight? Why is it always midnight?
- Pick me! I'll be your true love! - I'll be your true love.
I'll be true... enough.
Look, ladies, I already have a true love.
And take it from me, Boss. You are going to have one satisfied Princess.
And let's face it. You are a lot easier on the eyes.
But inside you're still the same old mean, salty...
- Easy. - ...cantankerous, foul,
angry ogre you always been.
And you're still the same annoying donkey.
Yeah.
Well...
Look out, Princess. Here comes the new me.
First things first. We need to get you out of those clothes.
- Ready? - Ready!
Driver, stop!
Oh, God! Help me, please! My racing days are over!
I'm blind! Tell the truth. Will I ever be able to play the violin again?
You poor creature! Is there anything I can do for you?
Well, there is one thing.
Take off the powdered wig and step away from your drawers.
- Not bad. - Not bad at all.
Father? Is everything all right, Father?
Thank you, gentlemen! Someday, I will repay you.
Unless, of course, I can't find you or if I forget.
Halt!
Tell Princess Fiona her husband, Sir Shrek, is here to see her.
Fiona!
Shrek?
Fiona!
Hello, handsome.
Shrek!
- Princess! - Donkey?
That potion worked on you, too?
What potion?
It's kind of a long story. Shrek and I took some magic potion. And well...
Now, we're ***!
Shrek?
For you, baby... I could be.
- Yeah, you wish. - Donkey, where is Shrek?
He went inside looking for you.
Shrek!
Fiona! Fiona!
You wanna dance, pretty boy?
Are you going so soon? Don't you want to see your wife?
Fiona?
- Shrek? - Aye, Fiona. It is me.
What happened to your voice?
The potion changed a lot of things, Fiona.
But not the way I feel about you.
Fiona?
Charming?
Do you think so?
Dad? I was so hoping you'd approve.
- Who are you? - Mom, it's me, Shrek.
I know you never get a second chance at a first impression
but, well, what do you think?
Fiona! Fiona!
Fiona!
- Fiona! - Fiona! Fiona!
Oh, shoot! I don't think they can hear us, pigeon.
Don't you think you've already messed her life up enough?
I just wanted her to be happy.
And now she can be.
Oh, sweetheart.
She's finally found the prince of her dreams.
But look at me. Look what I've done for her.
It's time you stop living in a fairytale, Shrek.
She's a Princess. And you're an ogre.
That's something no amount of potion is ever going to change.
But...
...I love her.
If you really love her...
...you'll let her go.
- Shrek? - Senor\
Hey, what's going on? Where are you going?
You wouldn't have had anything to do with this, would you, Harold?
There you go, boys.
Just leave the bottle, Doris.
Hey! Why the long face?
It was all just a stupid mistake.
I never should have rescued her from that tower in the first place.
I hate Mondays.
I can't believe you're gonna just walk away
from the best thing that ever happened to you.
What choice do I have?
She loves that pretty boy, Prince Charming.
Come on. Is he really that good-looking?
Are you kidding? He's gorgeous!
He has a face that looks like it was carved by angels.
He sounds dreamy.
You know, shockingly, this isn't making me feel any better.
Look, guys. It's for the best.
Mom and Dad approve, and Fiona gets the man she's always dreamed of.
Everybody wins.
Except for you.
I don't get it, Shrek. You love Fiona.
Aye.
And that's why I have to let her go.
Excuse me, is she here?
She's in the back.
Hello again.
Fairy Godmother. Charming.
You better have a good reason for dragging us down here, Harold.
Well... I'm afraid Fiona isn't really warming up to Prince Charming.
- FYI, not my fault. - No, of course it's not, dear.
I mean, how charming can I be
when I have to pretend I'm that dreadful ogre?
No! No, it's nobody's fault.
Perhaps it's best if we just call the whole thing off. OK?
- What? - What?
You can't force someone to fall in love!
I beg to differ. I do it all the time!
Have Fiona drink this and she'll fall in love with the first man she kisses.
Which will be Charming.
- No. - What did you say?
can't. I won't do it.
Oh, yes, you will.
If you remember, I helped you with your happily ever after.
And I can take it away just as easily.
Is that what you want? Is it?
- No. - Good boy.
Now we have to go. I need to do Charming's hair before the ball.
He's hopeless. He's all high in the front. He can never get to the back.
You always need someone to do the back of your hair.
- Thank you, Mother. - Mother?
Mary! A talking horse!
The ogre!
Stop them! Thieves! Bandits! Stop them!
Well, the abs are fab and it's gluteus to the maximus here at tonight's
Far Far Away Royal Ball blowout!
The coaches are lined up as the cream of the crop pours out of them
like Miss Muffet's curds and whey.
Everyone who's anyone has turned out
to honour Princess Fiona and Prince Shrek.
And, oh my, the outfits look gorgeous!
Look! Hansel and Gretel!
What the heck are the crumbs for?
And right behind them, Tom Thumb and Thumbelina!
Oh, aren't they adorable!
Here comes Sleeping Beauty!
Tired old thing.
Who's this? Who's this? Who is this?
It's the one, it's the only...
It's the Fairy Godmother!
Hello, Far Far Away!
Can I get a whoop, whoop?
Whoop, whoop!
May all your endings be happy and...
Well, you know the rest!
We'll be right back with the Royal Far Far Away Ball
after these messages.
hate these ball shows.
They bore me to tears. Flip over to Wheel of Torturel
I'm not flipping anywhere, sir, until I see Shrek and Fiona.
Whizzes on you guys.
Hey, mice, pass me a buffalo wing!
No, to your left. Your left!
- Tonight on Knights... - Now here's a good show!
We got a white bronco heading east into the forest. Requesting backup.
It's time for the men in steel to teach these madcap mammals
their "devil may mare" attitudes just won't fly.
- Let me go! - Why you grabbing me? Police brutality!
-1 have to talk to Princess Fiona! - We warned you!
Will they get away with it? Or did someone let the cat out of the bag?
You, capitalist pig dogs!
- Catnip! - That's not mine.
Find Princess Fiona!
I'm a donkey!
Tell her Shrek... I'm her husband, Shrek!
Knights.
Quick! Rewind it!
...Shrek! I'm her husband, Shrek!
Darling?
I thought I might find you here.
How about a nice hot cup of tea before the ball?
I'm not going.
But the whole Kingdom's turned out to celebrate your marriage.
There's just one problem. That's not my husband.
I mean, look at him.
Yes, he is a bit different, but people change for the ones they love.
You'd be surprised how much I changed for your mother.
Change?
He's completely lost his mind!
Darling, why not come down to the ball and give him another chance?
I mean, you might find you like this new Shrek.
But it's the old one I fell in love with, Dad.
I'd give anything to have him back.
Darling! That's mine. Decaf.
Otherwise I'm up all night.
"hanks.
I got to get out of here! You can't lock us up like this! Let me go!
What about my Miranda Rights?
You're supposed to say I have the right to remain silent.
Nobody said I have the right to remain silent!
Donkey, you have the right to remain silent.
What you lack is the capacity.
I must hold on before I, too, go totally mad.
Shrek? Donkey?
Too late.
Gingy! Pinocchio! Get us out of here!
Fire in the hole!
Look out below!
Quick! Tell a lie!
- What should I say? - Anything, but quick!
Say something crazy, like, "I'm wearing ladies' underwear!"
I am wearing ladies' underwear.
- Are you? -1 most certainly am not!
It looks like you most certainly am are!
-1 am not! - What kind?
- It's a thong! - They're briefs!
- Are not. - Are too!
- Are not! - Are too!
Here we go. Hang tight.
Hey, wait! Hey, hey!
- Excuse me? - What? Puss!
Pardon me, would you mind letting me go?
- Sorry, boss. - Quit messing around!
We've got to stop that kiss!
I thought you was going to let her go.
I was, but I can't let them do this to Fiona.
Boom! That's what I like to hear. Look who's finally coming around!
It's impossible! We'll never get in.
The castle is guarded and there is a moat and everything!
Well, folks, it looks like we're up chocolate creek
without a Popsicle stick.
- What? - Do you still know the Muffin Man?
Well, sure! He's down on Drury Lane. Why?
Because we're gonna need flour.
Lots and lots of flour.
Gingy!
Fire up the ovens, Muffin Man! We've got a big order to fill!
It's alive!
Run, run, run, as fast you can!
Go, baby, go!
There it is, Mongol To the castle!
No, no, no, you great stupid pastry! Come on!
Mongol Down here! Look at the pony!
That's right! Follow the pretty pony!
Pretty pony wants to play at the castle!
Pretty pony...
Ladies and gentlemen. Presenting:
Princess Fiona and her new husband, Prince Shrek.
Shrek, what are you doing?
I'm just playing the part, Fiona.
Is that glitter on your lips?
Cherry flavoured. Want to taste?
- What is with you? - But, Muffin Cake...
C Minor, put it in C Minor.
Ladies and gentlemen...
I'd like to dedicate this song to
Princess Fiona and Prince Shrek.
Fiona, my Princess.
Will you honour me with a dance?
Dance, dance, dance...
Since when do you dance?
Fiona, my dearest... if there's one thing I know,
it's that love is full of surprises.
Hit it!
All right, big fellow! Let's crash this party!
Man the catapults!
Aim! Fire!
- Brace yourselves! - Purty!
Not the gumdrop button!
Incoming!
All right!
Go, Mongol Go!
Man the cauldrons!
After you, Mongo.
That's it! Heave! Ho! Watch out!
Shrek!
More heat, less foam!
Heave!
No!
Come on!
- No, no! - Be good.
He needs me! Let me go!
Donkey!
Puss!
Go! Go! Your lady needs you! Go!
Today, I repay my debt.
En garde\
Stop!
Hey, you! Back away from my wife.
Shrek?
You couldn't just go back to your swamp and leave well enough alone.
- Now! - Pigs und blanket!
Pinocchio! Get the wand!
see London! I see France!
I'm a real boy!
Donkey!
I'm a real boy.
"hat's mine! That's mine!
Pray for mercy, from Puss...
And Donkey!
- Fiona... - Shrek.
Harold! You were supposed to give her the potion!
Well, I guess I gave her the wrong tea.
Mommy!
Mommy?
I told you
ogres don't live happily ever after.
- Harold! - No...
Dad! Daddy...
- Is he...? - Yup.
He croaked.
Harold?
Dad?
I'd hoped you'd never see me like this.
Hey, and he gave you a hard time!
- Donkey! - No, no, he's right. I'm sorry.
To both of you.
I only wanted what was best for Fiona.
But I can see now...
...she already has it.
Shrek, Fiona...
...will you accept an old frog's apologies
and my blessing?
- Harold... - I'm sorry, Lillian.
I just wish I could be the man you deserve.
You're more that man today than you ever were. Warts and all.
Boss! The Happily Ever After Potion!
Midnight!
Fiona... is this what you want?
To be this way forever?
- What? - Because if you kiss me now...
...we can stay like this.
You'd do that?
- For me? -Yes.
I want what any princess wants.
To live happily ever after...
...with the ogre I married.
Whatever happens, I must not cry!
You cannot make me cry!
No... No, no... No!
Oh, no...
Hey...
...you still look like a noble steed to me.
Now, where were we?
Uno, dos, cuatro, hit it!
Puss and Donkey, y'all...
Sing it, Puss!
Here we go!
Hey gorgeous!
Sing it one more time now!
Hey, Donkey, that's Spanish!
Break it down!
Amigo?
We are off to the Kit-Kat Club. Come on, join us.
Thanks, compadre. I'm... I'm just not in the mood.
We will cheer you up! Find you a nice burro\
Hey, baby!
Hey, that's my girl! Yeah! All right!
Baby, where you been?
I'm sorry, too. I should have stayed. But Shrek had this thing he had to do.
What? Say it one more time.
What you talking about? Are you serious?
Dada!
Look at our little mutant babies!
I got to get a job.