(♪)
ALICE: Hello, little girl.
Would you like a scotchie?
Oh...
Such a sweet little girl.
(♪)
(FIRE CRACKLING IN BACKGROUND)
It's okay, pumpkin.
(CHUCKLES)
Thank you.
NURSE: Come on, Alice.
We need to get you back to your room.
(ALICE CHUCKLES)
Why did she call me a girl?
It's okay. She's old.
Probably confused.
But I'm not a girl.
TARA: I know you're not.
You're also not a pumpkin, but I still call you one.
(SIGHS)
(♪)
TARA: You did it?
Yeah.
(SIGHS)
It's gonna be okay.
I know. I know.
Can I see Grandpa now?
Yeah. Yeah, buddy.
Uh, why don't you, why don't you go in?
(♪)
MAN 1: (ON TV) Santa Claus, you're coming with us.
MAN 2: (ON TV) No, you can't take him now.
It's too near Christmas.
Quiet, you.
MAN 2: But--
MAN 1: (ON TV) We don't want to hurt you, Santa Claus,
so come along quietly.
SANTA CLAUS: (ON TV) Why?
Why did you have to do that to my helper?
MAN 1: (ON TV) It's harmless.
It'll wear off in a short while.
YOUNG BILLY: Grandpa?
SANTA CLAUS: (ON TV) Well, why didn't you say so in the first place?
MAN 1 (ON TV): Now you come with us.
We need you on Mars.
YOUNG BILLY: Grandpa?
MAN 3: (ON TV) Are you sure this is Mars?
WOMAN 1: (ON TV) Oh...
I never saw such lazy people,
standing around like statues.
YOUNG BILLY: Grandpa?
WOMAN 1: (ON TV) Well?
MAN 3: (ON TV) Earthlings Billy and Betty.
Billy.
Come here, little boy.
You've gotten so big.
MAN 3: (ON TV) There's someone else, too.
What have you been eating?
Rocks?
No, hamburgers.
Do you like pickles on your hamburgers?
I love pickles on my hamburgers.
Pickles and-- and sauerkraut.
Blegh!
Welcome, Santa Claus.
We hope you'll make the children on Mars very happy.
I'll try, dear lady.
I'll try.
Have you been a good boy?
Good--
Good boys get good things.
What happens to boys who aren't good?
Naughty boys get punished.
Santa is always watching.
(COUGHING)
Santa says I gotta fatten up.
Billy, water.
(COUGHING)
Now I'm Santa Claus.
GRANDPA: Water.
(GRANDPA COUGHING)
(RETCHES)
MAN 3: (ON TV) Ho, ho, ho.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
(SCREAMS)
(♪)
(INDISTINCT LYRICS)
(CAR WHOOSHES)
GEOFF: I mean, how was I supposed to know
it was going to happen like that?
TARA: How many did he have?
Two, three, I--
Was it two or three?
I don't remember, okay?
He must've reacted badly
with those other meds he had been taking. Shit.
But he signed everything, right?
Yeah.
Is Grandpa gonna be okay?
No, buddy. Grandpa's dead.
TARA: Geoffrey.
GEOFF: What, do you want me to lie to him?
Yeah, a little tact would be nice.
So Grandpa's in heaven?
Oh. Yes, pumpkin, he is.
GEOFF: Come on, what are we waiting for?
(CAR BANGS)
(♪)
Son of a *****.
Did he just hit us?
Yeah!
That's great.
As if this night couldn't get any worse.
Merry Christmas, Chapman family.
I'll look for the insurance.
(CAR DOOR SHUTS)
GEOFF: Great, yeah.
(KNOCKING THE WINDOW)
Hey, pal.
Look, I don't know what happened,
but clearly you hit me with...
(GUNSHOT)
Geoffrey!
Billy, get down!
- (GUNSHOT) - (SCREAMS)
(PANTING)
CHARLIE: Go back to bed, Billy.
(♪)
MAN 1: (ON TV) Santa Claus, you're coming with us.
MAN 2: (ON TV) No, you can't take him now.
It's too near Christmas.
MAN 3: (ON TV) Quiet, you!
MAN 2: (ON TV) But...
(GUNSHOTS ON TV)
MAN 1: (ON TV) We don't want to hurt you,
Santa Claus, so come along quietly.
(♪)
CHARLIE: Come on, kid.
Do what you've got to do, and then let's get out of here.
This isn't our room.
(♪)
(INDISTINCT LYRICS)
(♪)
♪ So blue at Christmas ♪
PATROLMAN: Yo, Harold, you in there?
(♪)
TALL MAN: I'll uh, go talk to the manager
and see if he got a room.
CHARLIE: I'm getting one of those feelings.
(♪)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(♪)
TARA: Billy, get down!
(GUNSHOT)
(GLASS SHATTERS)
(♪)
TARA: Hey!
(GROANS)
(GUNSHOT)
(PANTING)
(SIGHS)
(SNIFFLES)
CHARLIE: I could use some coffee.
Yeah.
Yeah, me too.
(♪)
CHARLIE: Sure you don't want
to look around?
No.
CHARLIE: Small towns have a lot of secrets.
Good morning. Coffee?
Uh, yeah. Yes, please.
Um, where are we?
Thunderbird.
No, no, no. The, uh-- What town?
DANA: Hackett.
CHARLIE: Hackett?
I like the sound of that.
I'll give you a minute.
(DOOR OPENS IN BACKGROUND)
CHARLIE: You may be right.
I'm not seeing anyone.
Hey, Dana.
My typ order.
Thanks.
See you later.
CHARLIE: Her?
Hmm.
I'm not seeing it.
DANA: See something you like?
Oh.
Word of advice, careful with that one.
Sugar-coated onion, if you know what I mean.
What's her um, what's her name?
Pammy. Pamela.
I call her, "Pammy."
She hates it.
(CHUCKLES)
CHARLIE: You're right, we should go.
BILLY: Shut up.
Sorry, not you, not...
Sorry.
(♪)
CHARLIE: Don't even think about it.
It's not your decision.
CHARLIE: You know this never ends well.
What's that supposed to mean?
CHARLIE: You know exactly what it means.
(DOOR OPENS)
(DOOR SHUTS)
CHARLIE: Oh, ****.
(♪)
(DOOR OPENS & BELL CHIMES)
(♪)
CHARLIE: I am not doing this again.
Good.
Do this by myself.
(♪)
Looking for something?
BILLY: Uh, yes.
I mean, no.
I'm looking around.
(♪)
You're the guy from the diner who was staring at my ***.
No. To be fair, I was looking in your hands.
That's even weirder.
I'm just... (CLEARS THROAT)
Just looking for a gift.
For who?
For my dad.
PAMELA: Crystal unicorn and earrings.
Fabulous.
Sorry.
(PHONE RINGING)
(DOOR OPENS & SHUTS)
****.
****ed it up.
CHARLIE: For the best.
****ed it up.
(♪)
MR. SIMS: So you're new in town.
You plan on staying in Hackett for a while?
Yeah, yeah, a little, little while, yeah.
CHARLIE: Not too long, I hope.
And you said you have experience in a stockroom?
Yeah, yes, uh, two--
two different grocery stores, it should be.
Oh, uh.
Hell, I don't even know why I bother with all this stuff.
I can't stand paperwork.
Look, you seem like a nice kid.
You don't have any tattoos on your face or anything.
And most important, you seem like you want the job.
Yeah.
Right now, it's just my daughter and I here,
and the holidays are a *****.
Pardon my French.
CHARLIE: If he only knew.
Um, Pam, Pam, Pamela's your daughter?
Yeah.
You've met?
Oh, just, uh, just briefly.
We were-- I was shopping upstairs
and sorta chatted.
Like, together?
BILLY: Uh, talked together, yeah.
I'm a very protective father, Billy.
Gotcha. (LAUGHS)
I'm kidding around.
When can you start?
When do you need me?
REBECCA: Dean spoke fondly of you,
said to fix you up with my best room.
Yeah, he's a nice guy.
He just gave me a job.
You know, we dated for a while back in '82 before he met Ida.
Yeah.
He's the one that got away.
To be honest, I was a bit of a **** back then,
so it's no surprise he chose her.
Anyways, when you find that special someone,
don't let 'em go.
There we are, room six.
(♪)
BILLY: Holy shit.
It's very, very nice.
If, uh, if that toilet keeps running,
jiggle the flusher.
Oh, and uh, if you have any other problems,
knock three times on the pipe.
I live right below.
I'm terrible with my mobile.
It's very nice. Thank you.
(DOOR SHUTS)
(BILLY GRUNTS)
CHARLIE: What is wrong with this town?
Everyone is so nice.
It's refreshing.
I think staying here is a good idea.
CHARLIE: How long?
I don't know.
(♪)
CHARLIE: Just don't forget who you are
and what you do.
(♪)
♪ Christmas is a feeling everybody knows ♪
♪ Brings back an old man's childhood ♪
♪ Making angels in the snow ♪
(♪)
- PAMELA: Hey, new guy? - BILLY: Yeah.
I need a pre-lit tree,
a box of ornaments, and an angel, stat.
CHARLIE: Well, get to it.
(BILLY GRUNTS)
(♪)
Anything else?
Uh, where's the angel?
Yeah.
What?
Why does the angel have to go at the top?
Why can't it go like, anywhere else, like...
...here?
And that looks good to you?
Hmm.
Yeah, I didn't think so, new guy.
Do this, please.
It's uh, it's Billy.
Billy? Okay.
Can I call you, "Bill"?
I just feel like I'm talking to a 5-year-old
when I say Billy.
Sure, yeah, whatever you say...
...Pammy.
(CHUCKLES)
PAMELA: Okay, you win.
Billy, it is.
CHARLIE: Jesus, here we go again.
BILLY: Um... (CLEARS THROAT)
I was just wondering if uh,
would you wanna go for like coffee with me sometime?
Those are the questions I prefer to ask.
Unless you're a serial killer.
I'm a True Crime junkie,
and I would have so many questions.
Oh.
Yeah, no.
Bummer.
CHARLIE: She's kind of a weirdo.
Shut up.
(PHONE RINGING)
PAMELA: Uh, this ******* guy
won't leave me alone.
(GASPS)
(♪)
(ORNAMENT SHATTERS)
*******...
You're such a mother******* stupid piece of shit.
******* ****!
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
PAMELA: It's fine. I just...
BILLY: Hey, I got you.
Just keep doing what you're doing.
I'll grab a broom.
(CHUCKLES)
Holy shit.
CHARLIE: I'm getting one of those feelings.
Keep your eyes open.
(PAMELA AND GEORGE LAUGHING)
GEORGE: Yeah, the shop is looking beautiful.
You ready for Christmas?
George.
And I have to tell you something.
If I was 35 years younger, I'd be all over you.
(PAMELA AND GEORGE LAUGH)
PAMELA: George.
CHARLIE: Him. Tonight.
We do him tonight.
(♪)
PAMELA: Billy.
(♪)
- Are you okay? - BILLY: Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
You okay?
I'm sorry.
I'm really embarrassed.
Um, I snap sometimes.
My dad calls it, "EPD," explosive personality disorder.
Who's that guy?
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
PAMELA: Oh, that's George Vilmo.
He's a sweetheart. He helps at the store sometimes.
I uh, I think he's a little lonely.
GEORGE: I gotta tell you, Dean,
it's the highlight of my holiday season every year. Honestly.
MR. SIMS: Hey, we need to eat.
(♪)
(INDISTINCT LYRICS)
(♪)
(WATER RUNNING)
(♪)
Naughty.
(♪)
♪ What a night of cheer this is ♪
♪ How grand it is to feel so merry ♪
♪ Life is very *** when people catch the Christmas fever ♪
♪ On the warmest winter evening ♪
♪ On the warmest winter evening of ♪
♪ Evening of the year ♪
CHARLIE: Three more days.
(TARA SCREAMS)
(GROANING)
(INDISTINCT WHISPERS)
(GASPS)
(PANTING)
(♪)
(DOORBELL RINGS)
(♪)
(SIGHS)
(♪)
She's amazing, isn't she?
She has a real knack for this sort of thing.
She's very lucky.
What do you mean?
Well, I mean, I know I look great, son,
but I'm not gonna be around forever.
(CHUCKLES)
One day, all of this will be hers.
Carry on.
BILLY: Uh, hey, Agnes.
It's me uh, Billy.
I'm just calling.
It seems we're low on the woodwicked candles, uh,
the Christmas forest kind.
So if you could send another box.
PO is 313.
Thanks.
- Hi. - Hi.
Uh, my sister got called into work,
so I'm gonna take my nephew to hockey practice.
You wanna come?
What about the shop?
My dad's gonna be here.
Okay.
- Okay. Yeah. - Do you wanna go? Yeah?
Okay, let's go.
(♪)
BILLY: So your sister, she doesn't work at the store ever?
No.
It being named after my mom, it just-- it isn't her thing.
(INDISTINCT BACKGROUND CHATTER)
My uh, my mom died when we were little.
She had a seizure while she was driving.
Pow.
I'm sorry.
I just think it hurts her too much to be there.
Pam, Billy, look at this.
Oh, **** yes.
(PAMELA CHUCKLES)
You're okay with it, right? The shop and everything?
I mean, I'm the heiress.
(LAUGHS)
It's what my dad wants and uh,
I know it'll make him happy, so...
What about you?
Kinda been drifting my whole life,
since I was eight years old.
(SIGHS) Yeah, I don't know.
I guess, I think I'm kinda just ready to settle down,
you know?
Nice house, cute little wife, couple kids, minivan?
Yeah, why not?
DELPHINE: Bowden, tighten up.
You're playing like ******* garbage.
Lazy ****.
CHARLIE: Her.
Not right now.
CHARLIE: Yes, now. Her.
I'm not in the mood.
CHARLIE: I don't care. Look at her.
Pink coat.
She has a kid.
CHARLIE: Yeah, by the looks of it,
you'd be doing him a favor.
(♪)
PAMELA: You know Delphine?
- Hm? - Delphine Anderson?
Pink coat lady.
Oh, no. No, I don't.
No.
Seems like you want to. I-- I can introduce you.
Oh, that's okay.
- That's-- - PAMELA: Delphine!
CHARLIE: Hm, this will be interesting.
Hey, Pam.
PAMELA: Hey, Del.
I uh, wanna introduce you to Billy.
He's the new hire at the store.
DELPHINE: I see.
Pleased to meet you.
(♪)
Uh, I'll be right back.
It's okay. I know what you're thinking.
(♪)
(KIDS LAUGH)
Hey!
LAUGHING KID: Yo, Tommy.
Tommy, yo, Tommy. Tommy man.
Stop, stop.
(GRUNTS)
Excuse me.
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
LAUGHING KID: Stop it.
(GRUNTS)
PAMELA: Liam? Liam, what happened?
They said my stick was for girls because it was pink
and they said only fags wear figure skates.
Then they pushed me and said the Snatcher
would get me, because the Snatcher looks girly.
God, ****. I'm sorry.
COACH: Hey, hey, hey! What the hell?
Where were you?
They jumped him and called him, a "fag."
They're boys. They're messing around.
Messing-- Oh, they're messing around?
- Mess around with me, mother****er. - Hey, hey.
How about that? Let's go. I will **** you up!
Get this ***** out of my barn.
Oh, I'm a *****?
I'll burn your ******* house down!
BILLY: You got any nines?
LIAM: Go fish.
BILLY: Is your auntie always like this?
Not always. Only when she gets mad.
She has always been a little bit of a pipe bomb.
(CHUCKLES)
Sometimes it seems like there's another person
inside of her.
(♪)
Who's the Snatcher?
He steals kids.
Liam, there is no Snatcher.
It's just a-- a kind of an urban legend around here.
Though recently it has felt a little too close to home.
Couple towns in the county have had some kids go missing.
But thankfully, yeah, Hackett hasn't made it up on that wall.
(DOOR OPENS)
(DOOR SHUTS)
Max.
Hey, Pammy.
What are you doing here?
Well, you know the guys at the station
uh, we-- we stay in touch so...
They called me and, uh, got here as soon as I could.
So, um, still doing this kinda stuff?
Yep.
Beating up kids now?
They deserved it.
Okay, well, uh, you're free to go.
What do you mean?
You can go.
So you did your cop thing?
Yeah. Yeah, I did my cop thing.
You're welcome.
Lucky for you the, uh, parents aren't pressing charges.
Said if the boys did what you say they did,
then they deserved it, so...
Thank God, there's still good parenting out there, huh?
Got it.
(♪)
Look at me.
You're not answering any of my--
You punched me in the face.
You know I didn't mean to.
PAMELA: It's over.
You don't get a second chance.
Get over it, Max.
(♪)
(DOOR OPENS)
- LIAM: An hour away. - BILLY: Oh, wow.
- MR. SIMS: The Whiteshell? - LIAM: Yeah.
- MR. SIMS: Yeah, the Whiteshell. - LIAM: The Whiteshell.
MR. SIMS: I like going to West Hawk.
LIAM: Oh.
Tell him about his... (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
Jesus, sweetheart.
Oh, what the hell were you thinking?
I'm fine, Dad. Thanks for asking.
MR. SIMS: I'm sorry.
CHARLIE: Billy...
I'm getting one of those feelings.
Not now.
CHARLIE: Just keep your eyes open.
PAMELA: Hi.
Me and Billy played cards and I won.
Wow. (CHUCKLES)
Lucky you.
(CHUCKLES)
MR. SIMS: So, did I hear ice cream?
LIAM: Yeah.
I heard ice cream, too. We should get ice cream.
PAMELA: Ice cream. (CHUCKLES)
(SIGHS)
(♪)
- I really think-- - BILLY: I wanted to--
- Sorry, you go. - No, uh...
Thank you very much for everything today.
Sometimes I feel like that, um, the anger--
The EPD?
Yes. I-- I feel like it's an escape.
Like it's the only thing I have control over.
And I know that that probably sounds psychotic.
No.
(PAMELA SIGHS)
Am I a bad person?
No.
No, I can-- can tell you right now
that you are definitely not a bad person.
I almost bit a kid's nose off in third grade.
You see? That's what I'm saying.
I know I'm a bad person.
Just doing a bad thing is different
than being a bad person.
Good people do bad things.
CHARLIE: I, uh, hate to break up
the love fest here, but we gotta get going.
(INHALES)
PAMELA: Okay. Your turn.
Mine's not as mushy as yours.
Mushy? No.
That was not mushy.
Bad person is different
- than doing a bad thing. - BILLY: A little mushy, though.
Is that what you just said?
That's mushy.
(PAMELA LAUGHS)
PAMELA: No.
I hate mushy, so lay it on me.
Okay, here it goes.
Can I borrow your car?
(CLEARS THROAT)
Wow. Yeah, you're right.
That wasn't mushy. That was tacky as ****.
Yeah, it was tacky. You don't have to give me the--
No, it's fine. Go for it.
You know, I'm gonna figure out what's going on in there.
I'm gonna do it.
(PAMELA CHUCKLES)
So what's up?
You got a hot date with Delphine?
Oh, yeah. You, uh-- You have no idea.
(♪)
(CAR WHOOSHES)
BILLY: How far is this place?
CHARLIE: Just keep on this road.
We're getting warmer.
(SIGHS)
I've been driving for, like, an hour.
♪ So let us have a very merry Christmas ♪
♪ Good love and joy and good wishes ♪
BILLY: What is going on here?
CHARLIE: Yeah. Let's scope it out first.
♪ A very merry Christmas ♪
(♪)
You packing, Santa?
You're good to go.
(CHATTER AND LAUGHTER IN DISTANCE)
♪ Santa is my ***** ♪
♪ And I tell him where the party at ♪
♪ I'm gonna get my wish ♪
♪ When I'm sitting on your daddy *** ♪
♪ I do what I want ♪
♪ So then **** getting famous ♪
♪ Jingle on your boots ♪
♪ So I'm mother******* famous ♪
CHARLIE: This I did not expect.
Let's just find her and get this over with.
CHARLIE: Agreed.
We are pilgrims in an unholy land.
(♪)
DELPHINE: Hello?
Hello, everyone.
First off, I wanna thank you all for coming out tonight.
This is the third annual
I'm Dreaming of a White Power Christmas party.
(CHEERING)
I know, right? Heil!
DELPHINE: Tonight is the night
where we get to show our true colors,
who we really are inside.
Something the world makes us hide.
makes us feel shame.
We shouldn't have to feel shame for what we believe,
for wanting a better America for our children.
No, tonight we remind ourselves
that Christmas is still a white Christian holiday
that no one can take away from us.
So, grab a drink, make out with someone
under the mistletoe, and have some ******* fun.
Heil!
CHARLIE: Okay. So, what are we thinking?
Stakeout? Wait for her to use the john?
No. We kill 'em all.
CHARLIE: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on.
Let's talk about this.
Nothing to talk about.
CHARLIE: For Christ's sake,
at least get a gun.
Guns are for *******.
(♪)
Hey, Santa, you want me to check that out--
(GRUNTS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(♪)
(GRUNTS)
(SCREAMING)
♪ So exciting to know he's near ♪
♪ Can hardly wait, he's almost here ♪
♪ Sleigh rider, he's looking for you ♪
(SCREAMING)
♪ Sleigh rider, what you gonna do? ♪
♪ Sleigh rider, he's got a surprise ♪
♪ Tomorrow comes ♪
♪ You won't believe your eyes ♪
(SCREAMING)
♪ These bells, they say jingle and sway ♪
(SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING IN DISTANCE)
♪ And a sound ♪
♪ Of a sleigh rider, he's looking for you ♪
♪ Sleigh rider, what you gonna do? ♪
♪ Sleigh rider, he's got a surprise ♪
(GRUNTS)
What the shit?
(SCREAMING)
(GRUNTS)
(SCREAMING)
(GUN CLICKS)
♪ Oh, he's a sleigh rider, he's looking for you ♪
(GUNSHOTS)
♪ Sleigh rider, what you gonna do? ♪
♪ Sleigh rider, he's got a surprise ♪
♪ Tomorrow comes ♪
♪ You won't believe your eyes ♪
(♪)
Oh, shit.
God.
CHARLIE: Don't worry, kid.
(GRUNTS)
CHARLIE: I know where she's going.
(QUAD BIKE WHIRRING)
(♪)
Punish.
(SCREAMS)
(♪)
(SCREAMS)
****.
Oh, ****!
(TAKES DEEP BREATHS)
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
(SCREAMS)
(♪)
CHARLIE: We almost died tonight.
Yeah, but we didn't.
CHARLIE: It was reckless. Stupid.
You wanted me to keep going?
CHARLIE: Yeah, with a gun.
I'm sorry, I have principles.
CHARLIE: Principles, my ***.
That was about control.
You just wanted to do it your way.
Yeah, fine. Maybe you're right.
CHARLIE: Uh, look...
just don't wanna see you get killed.
Oh, ****!
Oh, ****.
CHARLIE: Hmm, good luck with that one.
(♪)
Okay, good choice. Okay.
Merry Christmas and take care.
Sorry, I'm late.
Oh, thank God you're here. What happened to your face?
What?
Your f-- You know what?
It's none of my business. Uh, I'm sorry.
I have a bit of a problem.
What's up?
Santa didn't show.
George was supposed to be here like an hour ago,
and I've called him, and I've called him.
I even asked Claire from the bakery to go down to his house,
- and there's no answer there. - Sorry, this, um George...
George, the guy that you were talking to
the other day?
George Vilmo. He does Santa for us every year.
Could your dad do it?
No. Not gonna happen.
Not since the pooping incident.
Pooping incident?
Can you do it?
I would appreciate it greatly, son.
CHARLIE: No. Tell her no.
I know it's not your job, but it would mean a lot,
especially to me.
CHARLIE: Billy, you put that suit on
head to toe, you're gonna lose control.
Where's the suit?
Oh, thank you, Billy.
Okay, it's in the back office.
Do you, uh, do you know what you're doing?
I assume you've never been Santa before.
(CHUCKLES)
Uh...
(♪)
CHARLIE: What are you doing?
I got this.
CHARLIE: This is more powerful than you know.
Trust me, I have been here before.
I'm not you.
(♪)
Okay, who's excited to meet Santa?
(KIDS CHEERING)
CHARLIE: Jesus, this is gonna be bad.
BILLY: Ah! That's it.
Okay, Celia, look over here, baby.
Smile. Ooh.
(♪)
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
(♪)
CHARLIE: Billy, listen to me.
You're not going to kill this little girl.
You hear me? That's not what Billy would do.
Billy, Billy.
I need you to forget what you are.
Forget what you do. Do exactly what I say, okay?
Just follow me, buddy. Follow me.
Hello, little girl. What's your name?
BILLY: So, what's your name?
Celia.
CHARLIE: What a pretty name.
Tell me, Celia,
have you been a good girl this year?
BILLY: You been a good girl
this year, Celia?
Yes, well, except this one time.
I was mad at my mom, and I throw a banana at her,
but I said sorry.
CHARLIE: Oh, I am so happy to hear that.
Is there something special you'd like for Christmas?
A pink skateboard.
CHARLIE: Oh, boy. You're a skater?
Yeah.
BILLY: And, uh,
what about we get you a helmet,
so you don't dent that noggin of yours?
A pink one?
CHARLIE: A pink one.
(♪)
BILLY: Merry Christmas.
CHARLIE: Uh, you got it from here, kid.
You can do this.
MR. SIMS: He's pretty good.
Yeah, he's um...
- Yeah, nice, you know. - Mmhmm.
(CHUCKLES)
(♪)
Santa, what happened to your face?
Oh, um, Rudolph got a little frisky last night.
MR. SIMS: He's so sweet.
I remember taking you to Santa.
(CHUCKLES)
CHARLIE: Kid...
I'm getting one of those feelings again.
BILLY: Not now, Charlie.
CHARLIE: I know, I know. I just--
BILLY: I said not ******* now.
CHARLIE: Just scan the crowd quick.
(♪)
So what do you want for Christmas, bud?
A bike.
(♪)
Thank you.
CHARLIE: Sure.
What? What's wrong?
CHARLIE: Do I need to remind you
what we do again?
I'm aware.
CHARLIE: And what happens if we don't?
Say it.
I don't wanna say it.
CHARLIE: Let's say it together then.
I don't wanna say it together.
CHARLIE: Fine, then I'll say it.
Someone else dies, and we don't get to choose.
You wanna talk about control, bub?
Who would you rather it be? A Nazi or a nine-year-old girl?
A killer or a mom with a--
Yeah, I get it. I ******* get it.
CHARLIE: I don't think you do.
Now's not the time to break
a perfect 10 year killing streak.
(BOXES CLATTERING IN DISTANCE)
(♪)
CHARLIE: You hear what I said?
Shh.
Hello?
(♪)
See, the angel can go anywhere she wants.
That's cheesy as ****.
(LAUGHS)
I worked hard on that.
It's beautiful.
♪ Yeah, this is the time for love and care ♪
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
(♪)
Dad! We're here.
Will you put this in the kitchen, please?
Ugh.
Go, go.
(DOOR CLOSES)
♪ This time of the year ♪
♪ This time ♪
HANNAH: Ugh, what died in here?
♪ Of the year ♪
HANNAH: Hey, come help me out in here.
Xavier, will you put that thing down, please?
(SCREAMS)
(INDISTINCT LYRICS)
(♪)
(INDISTINCT BACKGROUND CHATTER)
POLICE OFFICER 1: When was the last time
you saw him?
Uh, just the other day.
He was-- he was-- he was here.
He was-- he was in the store.
PAMELA: They found George.
MR. SIMS: We were-- we were talking...
His daughter and grandson, they--
They found his body. He was murdered.
(♪)
And that's not even the craziest part.
They found Gail, his wife, rolled up in a rug,
tucked away in a crawl space in his basement.
(CAMERA CLICKS)
They said he murdered her.
Stabbed her to death.
I talked to him all the time. I--
He-- he was-- he was so sweet. I-- I thought I knew him.
POLICE OFFICER 2: Who's that over there?
PAMELA: It really makes you wonder.
Uh, that's, uh, that's Billy.
Who else you know who could be--
- MR. SIMS: He's new. - Hiding something so evil...
MR. SIMS: He's a good kid.
In plain sight?
POLICE OFFICER 1: When did you last see Mr. Vilmo?
Let's see.
Uh, started work here on the 20th, so, uh...
So, yeah, the-- the 20th.
And you spoke with him?
BILLY: No.
I didn't interact with him.
I just saw him.
Where are you from, Bill?
Bar-- Baraboo, Wisconsin.
POLICE OFFICER 2: Oh, yeah. Circus Museum.
I got family in Milwaukee.
That's great.
POLICE OFFICER 1: How long you been in Hackett?
Few days.
Ah. A few?
Three? Five?
Three.
Ah.
How'd you get that?
What?
The shiner.
Oh, a box.
I work in the stockroom.
Pulled down a box, it came down and went...
(IMITATES BOX FALLING)
Got me pretty good, so.
I think we're good here, Bill.
Uh, thanks for taking the time.
POLICE OFFICER 1: Oh, hey.
You happen to know a Delphine Anderson, do you?
Delphine?
Um, no, no, not-- not off the top of my head.
(♪)
Hm.
CHARLIE: The noose is tightening.
They're gonna figure it out.
There are cops everywhere,
and you missed a ******* day in the book.
Yeah. But nothing happened.
(♪)
CHARLIE: You saw that new missing child
photo at the store?
Unrelated.
CHARLIE: You're wrong,
and you know you're wrong.
I hate to break it to you, pal, but we've got to get out of town
and find someone to kill tonight,
or you're going to miss another day
and someone who wasn't supposed to die, will die.
Innocent people die every day, Charlie.
CHARLIE: Hm.
What happens when it's someone you know?
Someone you care about? And you could've stopped it.
This town is ****ed up, and I know it--
The whole world is ****ed up, Charlie,
and I can't do anything about it.
I didn't want this. I didn't choose this.
I got a taste of something different,
something good, something real.
Being Santa for those kids being with Pam.
That's what I want.
Did you say something?
No.
This episode is ****ed up.
TRUE CRIME NARRATOR: As newspapers realize
that there's a strangler
on the loose, the story becomes--
CHARLIE: What happens when she finds out
what you do?
TRUE CRIME NARRATOR: There's this entity
committing these crimes...
(♪)
(SIGHS)
You know what? **** it.
(♪)
(DOOR SHUTS)
♪ Silent night ♪
(HUMMING)
♪ Holy night ♪
(BANGING)
♪ All is calm All is bright ♪
♪ Round yon Virgin Mother and Child ♪
MR. SIMS: Someone there?
♪ Holy infant so tender and mild ♪
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪
(GASPS) Jesus!
Oh, my God. Son!
I'll get you out, so don't-- don't-- don't worry.
I'll get you-- I'll get you out. I'll get you out.
Okay, don't you worry, Tommy.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna call for help, okay?
I'm gonna get you out, I'm gonna call for help.
(TOMMY MUMBLES)
I know, son.
- (GUNSHOT) - (GRUNTS)
(WHIMPERS)
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪
(♪)
♪ Silent night ♪
♪ Holy night ♪
♪ Son of God ♪
♪ Love's pure light ♪
♪ Radiant beams ♪
♪ From Thy holy face ♪
♪ With the dawn ♪
♪ Of redeeming grace ♪
♪ Jesus Lord, at Thy birth ♪
♪ At Thy birth ♪
♪ Jesus Lord at Thy birth ♪
(SOBBING)
CHARLIE: Billy, look up. Look up.
PAMELA: I wish Santa was real.
BILLY: Why?
So I could get my Christmas wish.
(SNIFFLES)
(♪)
I'd only ask for one thing
for the person who did this,
so he could watch me slowly cut him
into itty-bitty pieces.
(♪)
Do you trust me?
Why?
CHARLIE: This is a bad idea.
Um, what if I told you--
CHARLIE: You tell her,
and you're going to lose her.
What if I told you that--
What if I told you that I could make your wish
come true?
How?
BILLY: Who's the Snatcher?
He steals kids.
(♪)
We got him?
CHARLIE: I got him.
(♪)
BILLY: When I was eight years old,
my parents were murdered in front of me.
- (GUNSHOT) - Geoffrey!
BILLY: By a man dressed
as Santa Clause.
TARA: Hey!
(GRUNTS)
(GUNSHOT)
Turns out that man was the janitor
at my grandfather's hospice.
(CHOKES)
BILLY: I just remember being... scared.
But also mesmerized.
You know, like-- like he was drawing me in.
That's when I felt it.
(♪)
Charlie's been with me ever since that day.
CHARLIE: Wake up, kid.
So-- so you...
You're a serial killer?
(CHUCKLES) I wish it was that easy.
(KIDS SCREAMING)
BILLY: And nobody wanted to adopt a kid
with an imaginary friend
telling him to kill people at Christmastime.
(SIGHS)
Only at Christmas?
Yeah, the-- the advent calendar, 24 days of Christmas.
I-- I didn't kill anyone until I was 17 years old.
Until Charlie felt that I was ready.
CHARLIE: She needs to be punished.
BILLY: The first person I killed
was my last foster mom.
She would drug us.
Breakfast!
BILLY: And wait for us all
to fall asleep.
Then lock the doors and go off for the day.
The drugging wasn't the half of it.
If you broke something in her perfect house,
the punishment would be the same.
(BAT THUDS)
It's okay.
BILLY: And the scariest part was
you never knew when it was gonna come.
(GRUNTS)
BILLY: Three died under her watch.
All accidents.
All while she was collecting thousands from the state.
She had to go.
♪ Ho, ho, ho and a-here we go Up in Santa's sleigh ♪
You wanna **** with me, you little shit?
(GRUNTING)
BILLY: Needless to say,
I-- I-- I wasn't very good at first,
but I got the job done.
(GRUNTING)
(PANTING)
(GRUNTS)
♪ Ho, ho, ho and a-here we go Get ready for a ride ♪
Charlie wasn't just an imaginary friend
or a split personality.
He could see...
He could see evil.
Um, and the more I got to know him,
I found out that he was blessed with the same curse as me.
So your parents, they--
BILLY: They were--
They murdered my grandfather.
They poisoned him, but, before, getting him
to sign over my father's inheritance.
(CHOKES)
(RETCHES)
Grandpa?
How many people have you killed?
A lot. But they were all bad.
(SCREAMS)
(SCREAMING, GRUNTING)
♪ Were you good for Mom and Dad? ♪
♪ Santa knows if you've been bad ♪
(SCREAMING)
♪ In Santa's bag of toys ♪
Naughty.
♪ But Christmas won't be fun and games ♪
♪ For naughty girls and boys ♪
(SCREAMING)
♪ Oh, Santa's watching ♪
♪ Santa's waiting ♪
(SCREAMING)
♪ If you do your best this year ♪
I had to run for obvious reasons.
But I-- I was never alone.
(♪)
BILLY: And Charlie was with me
the whole time.
Hey Billy, it's garbage day.
BILLY: He taught me how to land jobs
or find places to live.
Just survive.
CHARLIE: When he asks,
"When can you start?"
always ask, "When do you need me?"
When can you start?
When do you need me?
(CHUCKLES)
BILLY: He was like a father.
CHARLIE: Oh, you're okay.
Just take a little piece of toilet paper
and stick it to the blood.
BILLY: But also kinda like a--
He's kinda like a compass.
(DOOR SHUTS)
BILLY: He needed my eyes
to identify them,
but then he would show me why they needed to be, um, punished.
(♪)
- SHOPKEEPER: No! - Give me the ******* money!
- (GUNSHOT) - (BODY THUDS)
(MUFFLED SCREAMS)
(GURGLES)
Naughty.
(SCREAMING)
And you have to dress like Santa?
BILLY: It flips a switch.
Helps me slip from Billy into something else.
What? The **** you want?
Get the **** outta here, Santa.
(♪)
(SCREAMS)
♪ Join the happy old song ♪
♪ Winter time sing along ♪
♪ Jingle bells are jingling Santa's elves are singing ♪
♪ Won't you come along? ♪
What's keeping you from killing me, Billy?
I told you. You're a good person.
So... you're crazy.
CHARLIE: Here we go.
Yeah. Yeah, you know,
after hearing me say all that out loud,
yeah, I'm a little, little crazy.
And yet I'm still here.
♪ He's bringing his reindeer and sleigh ♪
♪ Same time each year, he brings joy and cheer ♪
CHARLIE: Hmm.
I think you found a good one, kid.
Charlie says he likes you.
♪ Christmas is here ♪
♪ Ding dong ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Ding dong Christmas is here ♪
♪ It's the best time of the year ♪
(♪)
(CAR DOORS OPENS)
(CAR DOORS SHUTS)
He's here?
CHARLIE: Oh, he's here.
(TRUNK OPENS)
(TRUNK SHUTS)
(♪)
BILLY: Stay close.
(♪)
(CLANGING)
(♪)
Someone was just here.
(♪)
Billy.
(♪)
Pam, be careful.
(GRUNTS)
What the ****?
Jesus, Billy.
There's a kid down there!
BILLY: Pam, wait!
I'm coming.
No, no. Stay there. I'll hand her up.
Hey, hey, hey.
Oh, my God. I'm sorry, oh.
(GRUNTS)
- PAMELA: You got her? - BILLY: Get on that ladder.
PAMELA: Okay.
(GRUNTS)
(PANTS)
Oh, my... Oh, my God.
There's another one!
He's alive.
(PANTING)
Tommy?
Okay, I got you.
(GRUNTS, PANTS)
(SCREAMS)
BILLY: No!
(GRUNTS)
Pam. Pam!
(PANTING)
CHARLIE: I know where she is, kid.
Just follow my lead.
Walk straight.
Keep going. Keep going.
Okay, now he has Pam three feet to your left.
You need to be careful.
He's got a knife to her throat, hand over her mouth.
He's on top of her, just below the surface.
Now!
(SCREAMING)
Pam, run! Pam, get out of here!
(BILLY SCREAMS)
(PANTING)
(BILLY SCREAMING)
Where the **** is my phone?
(PANTS)
(DIAL TONE PLAYS)
****!
(WHIMPERING)
(DISTANT CHOKING)
Billy?
(SNIFFLES)
Billy?
Billy.
(GASPS)
Oh. I got you.
(GRUNT)
Oh, my God.
(GRUNTS)
I think he got me pretty good.
(GRUNTS)
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Okay. Come, sit down.
BILLY: I think I killed him.
CHARLIE: Oh...
You cut his ******* head off, kid.
Sit down. Oh, my God.
You stay with the kids. I'm gonna get the car.
I just need to get the kids outta here.
PAMELA: Billy.
What's wrong with Santa?
Santa's hurt but we're gonna help him, okay?
Are you okay? Yeah.
Okay.
CHARLIE: Come on, Billy. Hang on.
Stay with me, buddy. Stay with me.
Come on, kid. This isn't our time.
We can make it.
Ah...
(GUNSHOTS)
(♪)
(PANTING)
PAMELA: Billy!
Pam, everything's--
Billy! Get the **** out of here!
- CHARLIE: Ugh. - Billy...
CHARLIE: I'm sorry, kid.
I should've saw that one coming.
PAMELA: Billy. No, no, no.
What did you do?
(SOBS)
I wanna go where you go.
I wanna stay here with you.
CHARLIE: Billy.
Charlie.
CHARLIE: I'm gonna miss you, bub.
I don't want you to go, Charlie. Charlie, I don't want you to go.
CHARLIE: You take good care of her.
- You hear? - Charlie...
- CHARLIE: You found a good one. - Charlie...
CHARLIE: Take her hand. Now, kid.
Now.
(♪)
MAX: Pam!
What?
No, no, no, no.
No, Pam. Pam.
Pam. Wake up.
I'm here, okay? I-- I'm here.
(♪)
Everything's gonna be okay.
(SCREAMING)
(SPITS)
MAX: Help, help! Please, please!
Help!
(♪)
You're aggressive.
MAX: Officer down, officer down.
(GRUNTING)
(PANTING)
BILLY: Hey.
(GASPS)
Billy?
BILLY: It's okay. I'm right here.
Where?
BILLY: Are you ready for this?
(PANTING)
(♪)