1 00:00:17,650 --> 00:00:21,210 [Al] Life is like a parody of your favorite song. 2 00:00:21,154 --> 00:00:23,723 Just when you think you know all the words, 3 00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:28,161 surprise, you don't know anything. 4 00:00:28,294 --> 00:00:29,462 [siren blaring] 5 00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:33,266 [shouting] 6 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,335 [doctor] Clear the way, clear the way! 7 00:00:35,468 --> 00:00:36,603 [nurse] Clear! 8 00:00:36,736 --> 00:00:38,104 [nurse 2] Shut that door, please! 9 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,708 [electric shock jolting] 10 00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:45,378 [doctor] Clear! 11 00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:47,914 [monitor flatlining] 12 00:00:48,815 --> 00:00:51,184 Dammit. Dammit! 13 00:00:54,587 --> 00:00:56,256 All right, nurse, let's call it. 14 00:00:57,757 --> 00:01:00,930 Time of death: 7:30-- 15 00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:02,195 [screaming] 16 00:01:02,328 --> 00:01:04,931 [panting] Quick! 17 00:01:05,650 --> 00:01:07,367 I need some paper, and a number two pencil. 18 00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:10,603 [Al] But... maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself. 19 00:01:18,780 --> 00:01:19,979 [radio static crackling] 20 00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:23,249 [radio announcer] All gabardine suits are now 30% off. 21 00:01:23,383 --> 00:01:24,918 [radio static crackling] 22 00:01:25,510 --> 00:01:26,986 [sports commentator] Jenkins in to the windup, 23 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:29,155 and the three-two fastball is in the-- 24 00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:30,824 [radio static crackling] 25 00:01:30,957 --> 00:01:32,759 [reporter] President Nixon is on board Air-- 26 00:01:32,892 --> 00:01:34,461 [radio static crackling] 27 00:01:34,627 --> 00:01:39,132 [whimsical music] ♪ Dr. Demento, Dr. Demento ♪ 28 00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:43,903 [Dr. Demento] Whoo-whoo-whoo, wind up your radio! 29 00:01:44,370 --> 00:01:47,407 It's time for The Dr. Demento Show, 30 00:01:47,540 --> 00:01:52,912 two hours of mad music and crazy comedy 31 00:01:53,460 --> 00:01:55,782 - from out of the archives... - [Mary] Alfy! 32 00:01:55,915 --> 00:01:58,351 What have we told you about listening to that garbage? 33 00:01:58,485 --> 00:02:00,420 But Mom, it's Dr. Demento. 34 00:02:00,553 --> 00:02:02,222 It's my favorite show in the whole world. 35 00:02:02,389 --> 00:02:03,957 It's going to rot your brain. 36 00:02:04,900 --> 00:02:05,792 You're lucky your father wasn't here to catch you, mister. 37 00:02:05,925 --> 00:02:08,194 You know how he feels about that kind of music. 38 00:02:08,328 --> 00:02:10,330 Yes, I know. 39 00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:17,270 All right. Now go on, go get washed up. 40 00:02:17,404 --> 00:02:19,539 Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. 41 00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:22,642 [soft music] 42 00:02:25,245 --> 00:02:27,347 [humming] 43 00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:39,893 [sighs] 44 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,550 Alfy, aren't you going to ask your father how his day was? 45 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:06,653 Um, how was your day, Dad? 46 00:03:09,220 --> 00:03:11,758 What, how was my day? 47 00:03:11,891 --> 00:03:14,160 We had another fatality down at the factory. 48 00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:16,290 Oh, God, real grisly one this time. 49 00:03:16,162 --> 00:03:18,732 It was that McKinley kid that started last week. 50 00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,734 I kept telling him to stop messing around 51 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:24,637 by that industrial shredder, but he just wouldn't listen. 52 00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,573 I would've reached out and grabbed him, 53 00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:30,510 but I already lost one hand to that cursed machine. 54 00:03:32,579 --> 00:03:35,315 Well, anyway, there's an opening down on the factory floor. 55 00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:36,983 Maybe I could pull a few strings 56 00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:39,190 and you could spend the summer working with your old man. 57 00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:40,720 How's that sound? 58 00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,789 Um, no thank you. 59 00:03:42,922 --> 00:03:44,290 "No, thank you." 60 00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:46,260 Well, you're gonna have to learn sooner or later, 61 00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:49,729 that factory, that factory will make a man outta you. 62 00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:51,898 But I don't wanna work at the factory. 63 00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:53,433 I wanna make songs. 64 00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:58,672 What? You wanna make songs? Did you hear that, Mary? 65 00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:01,574 We got a regular Bing Crosby on our hands, don't we? 66 00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:03,309 Nick, you're embarrassing him. 67 00:04:03,443 --> 00:04:06,613 Oh, am I? Why don't you sing us a little ditty, Bing, huh? 68 00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:09,582 Such a little songbird. Sing one for us. 69 00:04:14,487 --> 00:04:18,324 ♪ Amazing grapes ♪ 70 00:04:18,491 --> 00:04:21,728 ♪ How sweet the juice ♪ 71 00:04:21,861 --> 00:04:26,332 ♪ It tastes so good to me... ♪ 72 00:04:26,466 --> 00:04:29,602 Stop, stop! What in God's name are you doing? 73 00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:31,471 Those aren't the right words. 74 00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:34,274 I know. I made 'em better. 75 00:04:34,407 --> 00:04:37,410 By changing the lyrics to a well-known song? 76 00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:40,580 No, boy, what you're doing is confusing and evil. 77 00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,282 My God, and I will not have 78 00:04:42,415 --> 00:04:44,818 that kind of blasphemy in my own home. 79 00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,319 But Dad... 80 00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,555 What has gotten into you, Alfred? 81 00:04:48,688 --> 00:04:51,124 Hmm? With the songs and the crazy magazines? 82 00:04:51,257 --> 00:04:54,160 That is all gonna stop now, young man! 83 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,862 Honey, I know it's hard to hear this, 84 00:04:55,995 --> 00:04:59,599 but your dad and I had a long talk 85 00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:02,802 and we agreed it would be best for all of us 86 00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:05,538 if you would just stop being who you are 87 00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:07,607 and doing the things you love. 88 00:05:09,420 --> 00:05:11,211 You don't understand me! 89 00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:14,247 [door slams] 90 00:05:18,351 --> 00:05:19,919 [Al] It was a few weeks later 91 00:05:20,530 --> 00:05:22,222 when a mysterious stranger showed up at my door 92 00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:26,226 and changed my life forever. 93 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,128 [doorbell rings] 94 00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:30,196 [Nick] Alfy, get the door. 95 00:05:32,298 --> 00:05:33,733 Why, good afternoon, sir. 96 00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:35,368 The gentleman of the house, I take it? 97 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,971 Well, congratulations. Today is your lucky day. 98 00:05:38,104 --> 00:05:41,541 How would you like to be the envy of all of your friends 99 00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:43,510 and the most popular fellow in town? 100 00:05:43,643 --> 00:05:46,112 Well, everything you need to make that happen... 101 00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:48,381 is right here in this box. 102 00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:54,621 Um, my dad is actually... 103 00:05:54,754 --> 00:05:57,357 - Voila. - [epic music] 104 00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,259 Feast your eyes. 105 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:06,766 Have you ever seen such a gorgeous instrument? 106 00:06:09,402 --> 00:06:12,405 Better yet, try it on. 107 00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:17,577 Son, when you play the accordion, 108 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,612 you are a one-man band. 109 00:06:19,746 --> 00:06:23,183 You are the life of every party. 110 00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:26,152 Go ahead, son, tickle those ivories. 111 00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:30,323 [horrible accordion noise] 112 00:06:32,158 --> 00:06:33,760 A natural talent. 113 00:06:35,362 --> 00:06:37,330 Son, you cannot squander that. 114 00:06:37,464 --> 00:06:39,966 You have got to buy this beauty, and I guarantee it, 115 00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,535 you are gonna have girls lined up around the corner. 116 00:06:42,669 --> 00:06:44,104 You're gonna need a lifeguard 117 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,840 because you're gonna be drowning in so much p-- 118 00:06:47,700 --> 00:06:49,409 Hey! What's going on? 119 00:06:49,542 --> 00:06:51,544 And hello to you, sir. 120 00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:53,580 What are you doing in my house? 121 00:06:53,713 --> 00:06:55,548 And why is my innocent young child 122 00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:57,384 wearing that devil's squeeze box? 123 00:06:57,517 --> 00:06:58,551 That's actually our newest-- 124 00:06:58,685 --> 00:07:00,286 I thought I told you to shut up! 125 00:07:00,453 --> 00:07:02,622 [glass breaking] 126 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,724 I don't remember you telling me to shut up before, 127 00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:07,270 but if you're telling me now, I will gladly-- 128 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,895 [grunting] 129 00:07:09,290 --> 00:07:11,765 [groaning] 130 00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:13,199 Dad! 131 00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:16,236 - [chair breaking] - Ah! 132 00:07:17,904 --> 00:07:20,600 [punches landing] 133 00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,308 Dad, stop! You're killing him! 134 00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:24,511 Nick? Oh Nick, oh Nick! 135 00:07:24,644 --> 00:07:27,981 No, Nick! Hey! Nicky, stop it right now! 136 00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:29,816 You made me do this, boy. 137 00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:31,818 You brought this evil into the house. 138 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:32,752 And now look at you. 139 00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:34,354 Look at you. 140 00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:38,725 Take that devilish monstrosity off this very instant. 141 00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:40,927 I don't wanna see you ever wearing it again! 142 00:07:41,610 --> 00:07:43,496 Nick, why don't you go take a little walk? 143 00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:45,465 I think you'd better cool off. 144 00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:48,134 - Yeah. Yeah. - [gurgling] 145 00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:52,405 I could use some fresh air because it stinks in here. 146 00:07:53,773 --> 00:07:56,409 [groaning] 147 00:08:01,948 --> 00:08:05,218 I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere. 148 00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:09,889 I'll be right here. [coughs, sputters] 149 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:13,593 Mister, I'm so sorry about this. 150 00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:16,429 My husband, he just has a little bit of a temper, 151 00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:18,631 but he is a good man and he means well, 152 00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:22,335 but anyway, if you're amenable to it, 153 00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:25,171 we'd like to buy that accordion. 154 00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:27,700 Mom! You mean it? 155 00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:29,409 How do you feel about an early Christmas present? 156 00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:32,178 Yes! This is the best thing ever! 157 00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:34,314 Thank you so much! 158 00:08:35,715 --> 00:08:37,350 There's just one thing. 159 00:08:40,987 --> 00:08:46,493 No one can see you playing it, especially your father. 160 00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:49,896 This is our secret. Do you understand me? 161 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:57,203 Mom... does Dad hate me? 162 00:08:57,337 --> 00:09:01,374 No, of course not, sweetie. 163 00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:04,844 Then why is he always so hard on me? 164 00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:08,848 Listen, you're too young to understand now, 165 00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:12,986 but just trust me, your father has his reasons. 166 00:09:13,119 --> 00:09:16,923 [sputtering] I think I have a collapsed lung. 167 00:09:17,570 --> 00:09:21,494 We're trying to have a conversation here, sir. 168 00:09:21,661 --> 00:09:24,640 [Al] For the next few years, I kept to myself 169 00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:26,566 and tried my best to please Mom and Dad, 170 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:30,570 but deep down, I felt like I was living a lie. 171 00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:33,540 Sure. I was well-behaved, I got good grades, 172 00:09:37,677 --> 00:09:41,147 - His parents are out of town. - Ah, geez, guys, I don't know. 173 00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:43,249 I'm not really allowed to go to parties. 174 00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:44,984 You don't need to have your parents' permission. 175 00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:46,860 Just sneak out. 176 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:47,821 I-I don't think I can. 177 00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:50,900 My mom always tucks me in, in case I have night terrors. 178 00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:51,791 [scoffs] You have night terrors? 179 00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,927 No, I--You know, just in case. 180 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:56,863 Well, just use a hay boy, then. 181 00:09:56,996 --> 00:09:59,265 A hay boy? What's that? 182 00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:00,667 You don't know what a hay boy is? 183 00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,680 [scoffs] 184 00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,903 Oh, dude, you've got a lot to learn. 185 00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:07,674 Just let us handle everything. We'll pick you up tonight. 186 00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:10,643 Okay, yeah. 187 00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:14,647 [Mary] Night-night, Alfy. 188 00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:17,517 Don't let the bed bugs give you night terrors. 189 00:10:22,822 --> 00:10:25,325 [polka music] 190 00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,229 [indistinct party chatter] 191 00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:37,771 I mean, Myron Floren is great and all, 192 00:10:37,937 --> 00:10:39,105 Lawrence Welk sure likes him, 193 00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:42,750 but he's way too overexposed. 194 00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:45,679 For my money, it's Whoopee John Wilfahrt 195 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:48,515 that really gets me just hoppin' and steppin'. 196 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:51,518 I'm all about that Minnesota sound, man. 197 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:54,587 - [gasps] Look what I found! - Hey, hey! 198 00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:56,923 Hey, you didn't tell me that this was gonna be a polka party. 199 00:10:57,570 --> 00:10:59,926 - What, do you not like polka? - No, I like it, it's-- 200 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:03,960 My parents would kill me if they knew I was here, okay? 201 00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:04,631 I'm so, so sorry, guys. 202 00:11:04,764 --> 00:11:06,266 I-I-I gotta go. I can't--I can't be here, man. 203 00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:08,335 Come on, Al. Live a little! 204 00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:09,736 What's the worst that could happen? 205 00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:11,338 You might actually let your guard down 206 00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:13,206 and enjoy your life for once? 207 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,675 [polka music continues] 208 00:11:18,578 --> 00:11:21,781 Yeah, yeah, I can... let my guard down. 209 00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:23,183 [music stops] 210 00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:25,585 [polka music resumes] 211 00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:29,589 Hey... and sorry. 212 00:11:32,258 --> 00:11:35,929 Hey, everybody, look what I found! 213 00:11:36,620 --> 00:11:38,640 [laughs] 214 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,567 Dude, pass it here. Pass it. 215 00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:43,269 [playing "Chopsticks"] 216 00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:49,420 - Okay, dude. Okay. - [laughter] 217 00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:50,410 Al, here. You gotta try this. 218 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,345 Oh, no. No, no, thanks. I'm good. 219 00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:53,813 Al's afraid his mommy and daddy 220 00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:55,915 are gonna find out he tried an accordion. 221 00:11:56,490 --> 00:11:57,650 [laughter] 222 00:11:57,784 --> 00:12:00,220 I just don't wanna play, okay? Just, just lay off me, man! 223 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,789 ["The Chicken Dance" playing] 224 00:12:02,922 --> 00:12:05,580 No, guys-- 225 00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:07,160 - [clapping] - I'm not gonna-- 226 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,865 [clapping] 227 00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:14,668 I'm not--I'm not--I'm not-- 228 00:12:15,669 --> 00:12:16,870 [clapping] 229 00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:20,473 Okay. Yeah, sure. I'll play, yeah. 230 00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:23,510 - [clapping] - [laughter] 231 00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:32,686 [fast, proficient polka music] 232 00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:56,643 [cheering] 233 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:06,619 - It's the cops! Everyone, run! - [sirens] 234 00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:09,155 [overlapping shouting] 235 00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,295 I'm sorry to disturb you, ma'am, 236 00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:19,899 but I'm afraid we found your son at a polka party. 237 00:13:20,330 --> 00:13:21,901 He was playing an accordion. 238 00:13:22,350 --> 00:13:24,604 That's impossible. Alfy's in-- 239 00:13:24,738 --> 00:13:29,900 A hay boy?! Really? 240 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,778 What did I do to deserve this, huh? Huh? 241 00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:34,114 It's like I don't even know you anymore, Al. 242 00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:35,548 [Al] You want me to be like you. 243 00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:37,117 Look at me, I'm nothing like you. 244 00:13:37,283 --> 00:13:38,651 You want me to work that factory. 245 00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:41,154 Okay, I don't even know what you make down there. 246 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,655 You just call it the factory. 247 00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:44,491 You will find out what we make at the factory 248 00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,126 when you work at the factory! 249 00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:49,796 Well, it's my life, and I wanna make music 250 00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:51,531 and I wanna play the accordion. 251 00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:52,966 Ah, hogwash! 252 00:13:53,990 --> 00:13:57,337 And I'm good. I'm really, really good! 253 00:13:57,470 --> 00:14:00,373 How did you get good at playing the accordion, huh? Huh? 254 00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,509 It certainly wasn't under my roof, was it? 255 00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:05,311 What'd you do, sneak out and practice in the woods 256 00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:06,880 in the middle of the night? 257 00:14:07,130 --> 00:14:11,284 No. I played it here, quietly. 258 00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:14,721 Yeah, I play in the closet. 259 00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:19,726 But I'm not a closet accordion player anymore. 260 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,628 It feels good! 261 00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:27,500 The closet, you say? 262 00:14:30,804 --> 00:14:32,238 Hmm... 263 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,507 No-no-no. Dad, Dad, hey. Hey, hey, hey, Dad. 264 00:14:34,641 --> 00:14:36,576 No-no-no. You're not going-- It's not in there. 265 00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:38,478 You're not gonna find anything in there. 266 00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:40,313 Dad, what are you doing? No, no, Dad--No-no-no-no-- 267 00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:41,948 Dad, no. Dad, please. 268 00:14:42,820 --> 00:14:43,490 - Uh-huh? - Stop, stop. 269 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,851 - Boy. - Stop. Stop it. 270 00:14:44,984 --> 00:14:47,387 - Boy, this... - Please, Dad. Please! No-no-no! 271 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:48,955 This is for your own good, boy. 272 00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:50,890 No, I need this, I need this-- 273 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,760 [yells] 274 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,295 [crashing] 275 00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:57,163 No! 276 00:14:58,798 --> 00:15:01,267 No, no, no, no, no! 277 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:04,337 You--You think you're gonna stop me from playing? 278 00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:06,673 You'll see. One day I'm gonna be the best-- 279 00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:09,376 Well, perhaps not technically the best, 280 00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:12,645 but arguably the most famous accordion player 281 00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:15,982 in an extremely specific genre of music. 282 00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:17,550 I'll show you. 283 00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:20,420 I'll show everybody! 284 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:22,622 [Nick] Get out! 285 00:15:25,325 --> 00:15:27,193 - Good riddance! - [door slams] 286 00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:33,967 [soft music] 287 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:37,771 [Al] Things at home never got any better after that. 288 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:40,440 But within a few years, I graduated 289 00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:43,677 and I was able to move out and live on my own. 290 00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:46,646 Well, with three other guys in a dirt-cheap apartment, 291 00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:50,750 but the point is, I didn't have to answer to anybody. 292 00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:52,585 - Hey, hey. - Howdy. 293 00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:54,954 [Al] Now I'd have a chance to find others 294 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:57,691 who would truly understand me. 295 00:15:57,824 --> 00:16:00,827 I could find my people. 296 00:16:04,970 --> 00:16:05,565 [accordion music] 297 00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:07,434 ♪ Beat on the brat Beat on the brat ♪ 298 00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:09,602 ♪ Beat on the brat With a baseball bat ♪ 299 00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:12,772 ♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh-ho ♪ 300 00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:17,811 ♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh-ho ♪ 301 00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:19,312 - Okay. - ♪ Hey! ♪ 302 00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:22,480 ♪ Hey! Hey! Hey! ♪ 303 00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:25,352 - Okay, that's enough. Thanks. - Mm. 304 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:29,556 Yeah. Very... very interesting. 305 00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:32,692 So... we'll let you know, okay? 306 00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:37,130 Great. Um, when? 307 00:16:37,263 --> 00:16:39,399 Right now. You didn't make it. 308 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,536 [men snicker] 309 00:16:45,739 --> 00:16:47,474 This sucks. 310 00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:50,477 It's the fifth audition I've been kicked out of this week. 311 00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:54,114 It's almost like nobody wants an accordion player in their band. 312 00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:55,915 That just doesn't make any sense. 313 00:16:56,490 --> 00:16:57,650 Yeah. Accordions are cool. 314 00:16:57,784 --> 00:16:59,953 That's the problem with being on the bleeding edge. 315 00:17:00,860 --> 00:17:02,322 You gotta wait for the rest of the world to catch up with you. 316 00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:04,491 I don't have time to wait. 317 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:06,593 If nobody wants to have me in their group, 318 00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:08,595 I'm just gonna have to go it on my own. 319 00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:10,497 Don't worry, it's gonna happen for you. 320 00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:12,599 You just gotta hang in there. We got your back. 321 00:17:12,766 --> 00:17:15,869 Thanks, Bermuda. All you guys. You've just been so great. 322 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,772 You really get me. It is such a difference 323 00:17:18,938 --> 00:17:20,940 after living with my folks for so long. 324 00:17:21,740 --> 00:17:23,243 Yeah. And you know, the best part of moving away from home 325 00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:26,713 is you can do anything you want. Hook up with girls... 326 00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:28,140 Get high all the time. 327 00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:30,160 Yeah, I mean, literally anything. 328 00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:31,351 There are no rules. 329 00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:32,919 [Steve] Just last night, I was driving 330 00:17:33,530 --> 00:17:35,422 down the wrong side of the 101 with my eyes closed, 331 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:38,158 not knowing whether I was gonna live to see another day 332 00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:41,895 or die in a horrible, fiery wreck. 333 00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:43,296 Suck on that, Mom and Dad. 334 00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,265 - Yeah. You get it, Steve. - You go, Steve. 335 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:46,733 Oh, wow, Steve. 336 00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:48,201 What about you, Al? 337 00:17:48,335 --> 00:17:49,903 What's something you always wanted to do, 338 00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:51,471 but you were never allowed to? 339 00:17:58,780 --> 00:18:01,448 Make up new words to a song that already exists. 340 00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:06,820 Oh, well, you should do that, then. 341 00:18:06,953 --> 00:18:08,188 [Steve] Absolutely. 342 00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:09,723 Yeah. Why don't you do it right now? 343 00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:11,257 Go on. Make up something brilliant. 344 00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:13,193 No, guys, it's not that easy. 345 00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,595 I gotta wait for inspiration to strike, 346 00:18:15,729 --> 00:18:18,832 and I'm pretty sure that well dried up a long time ago. 347 00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:21,134 Oh, well, if you're not gonna write us a song, 348 00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:22,902 why don't you make us some sandwiches? 349 00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:25,238 Oh, yeah, dude, I'm starving. 350 00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:28,508 [all chant] Sandwich! Sandwich! Sandwich! 351 00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:31,770 Okay, okay, okay. Guys, I'm on it. 352 00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:32,479 Jim, you wanna put on some tunes? 353 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:33,646 Yeah. 354 00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:35,782 [static crackling] 355 00:18:35,915 --> 00:18:38,251 ["My Sharona" by The Knack on radio] 356 00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:48,828 Oh, Steve? This bologna has your name on it. 357 00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:50,230 - Can we? - Uh, yeah, sure. 358 00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:52,499 Just open up a package of my bologna. 359 00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:55,869 ♪ Ooh, you make my motor run My motor run ♪ 360 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,972 ♪ Gun it comin' Off of the line, Sharona ♪ 361 00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:02,509 ♪ Never gonna stop, give it up Such a dirty mind ♪ 362 00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:05,945 ♪ I always get it up for The touch of the younger kind ♪ 363 00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:12,118 ♪ My, my, my-yi-yi, whoo! M-M-M-My Sharona ♪ 364 00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:15,488 ♪ Whoo! M-M-M-My Sharona ♪ 365 00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:19,325 ♪ Whoo! M-M-M-My Sharona, whoo! ♪ 366 00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:23,290 Is this DJ asleep? The record keeps skipping. 367 00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:25,432 Hey! Wake up. 368 00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:29,235 ♪ Whoo! M-M-M-My Sharona, whoo! ♪ 369 00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:31,871 - ♪ M-M-M-My Sharona ♪ - [quietly] ♪ M-M-M-My bologna ♪ 370 00:19:32,500 --> 00:19:35,542 - ♪ M-M-M-My bologna ♪ - ♪ Whoo! M-M-M-My Sharona ♪ 371 00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:39,412 Al? 372 00:19:39,546 --> 00:19:42,182 [whispers] ♪ M-M-M-My bologna ♪ 373 00:19:45,180 --> 00:19:47,520 ♪ M-M-M-My bologna ♪ 374 00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:50,557 You okay? 375 00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:02,369 ♪ Ooh, my little hungry one Hungry one ♪ 376 00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:06,639 ♪ Open up a package Of my bologna ♪ 377 00:20:11,611 --> 00:20:13,213 ♪ Ooh, I think the toast Is done ♪ 378 00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:14,748 ♪ The toast is done ♪ 379 00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:18,485 ♪ Top it with a little Of my bologna ♪ 380 00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:23,757 Where did that come from? 381 00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,158 Dude, I've got chills. 382 00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:26,860 I don't know, it just came out of me. 383 00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:29,829 I've never heard anything like that before in my life. 384 00:20:29,963 --> 00:20:31,640 You have to record that. 385 00:20:31,197 --> 00:20:32,799 Record it? No, come on, guys. 386 00:20:32,932 --> 00:20:34,634 Al, you've got something here. 387 00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:38,438 I don't know if it comes from God or the devil, 388 00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:40,540 but the world needs to hear it. 389 00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:43,109 No, forget it, guys. 390 00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:44,544 I don't have the money for a recording studio. 391 00:20:44,678 --> 00:20:46,980 I think the bathroom at the bus station 392 00:20:47,147 --> 00:20:48,982 has pretty good acoustics. 393 00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:51,785 ["My Bologna" playing] 394 00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:55,155 Yeah, sounds good in here. 395 00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:57,724 You can put it right there, that works. 396 00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:02,395 ♪ Ooh, my little hungry one Hungry one ♪ 397 00:21:02,529 --> 00:21:04,898 ♪ Open up a package Of my bologna ♪ 398 00:21:05,310 --> 00:21:06,499 ♪ Ooh, I think the toast Is done ♪ 399 00:21:06,633 --> 00:21:08,368 ♪ The toast is done ♪ 400 00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:10,837 ♪ Top it with a little Of my bologna ♪ 401 00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:12,639 ♪ Never gonna stop, eat it up ♪ 402 00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,574 ♪ Such a tasty snack I always eat too much ♪ 403 00:21:14,708 --> 00:21:16,760 ♪ And throw up But I'll soon be back ♪ 404 00:21:16,209 --> 00:21:19,579 ♪ For my my my-yi-yi, whoo! ♪ 405 00:21:19,713 --> 00:21:25,151 ♪ M-M-M-My bologna M-m-m-my bologna, hey! ♪ 406 00:21:27,354 --> 00:21:31,570 [accordion music continues] 407 00:21:34,894 --> 00:21:37,163 [cheering] 408 00:21:39,650 --> 00:21:42,902 [accordion music continues] 409 00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:45,772 [cheering] 410 00:21:45,939 --> 00:21:47,674 [belches] All right. 411 00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:50,977 Just mailed the tape off to Captain Buffoon. 412 00:21:51,144 --> 00:21:52,412 Now, I guess, all I gotta do is 413 00:21:52,545 --> 00:21:55,482 sit back and wait to become famous. 414 00:21:55,615 --> 00:21:58,618 [scoffs] Yeah, I don't think that's quite how it works, Al. 415 00:21:58,752 --> 00:22:01,855 Nobody becomes famous overnight. That's a myth. 416 00:22:01,988 --> 00:22:03,990 Sometimes it takes years, 417 00:22:04,124 --> 00:22:05,992 decades of hard work to get noticed. 418 00:22:06,126 --> 00:22:08,161 - What? - Look, I believe in you. 419 00:22:08,294 --> 00:22:10,960 I know it's gonna happen for you someday, 420 00:22:10,230 --> 00:22:12,665 but you can't just mail your tape off to some disc jockey 421 00:22:12,799 --> 00:22:14,901 and expect to instantly become a sensation. 422 00:22:15,350 --> 00:22:17,237 Man, why can't I catch a break? 423 00:22:19,773 --> 00:22:22,208 [Captain Buffoon] Captain Buffoon on your radio dial. 424 00:22:22,342 --> 00:22:24,177 No, I'm not making this up-- 425 00:22:24,310 --> 00:22:26,579 I just received this tape in the mail a few minutes ago, 426 00:22:26,713 --> 00:22:29,949 and what can I say? It's an instant sensation! 427 00:22:30,830 --> 00:22:31,384 It's already the number one 428 00:22:31,518 --> 00:22:33,153 most-requested song of the week, 429 00:22:33,319 --> 00:22:35,210 and we're playing it all day long. 430 00:22:35,155 --> 00:22:39,526 So, here it is, once again, Al Yankovic with My Bologna! 431 00:22:39,659 --> 00:22:43,163 [all yelling] 432 00:22:44,631 --> 00:22:49,200 - [grunting, slapping] - Again! 433 00:22:49,135 --> 00:22:51,905 ♪ Ooh, my little hungry one Hungry one ♪ 434 00:22:52,380 --> 00:22:53,440 ♪ Open up a package... ♪ 435 00:22:53,573 --> 00:22:55,141 You know what this means, right? 436 00:22:55,275 --> 00:22:57,610 You gotta get yourself a record deal. 437 00:22:57,744 --> 00:22:59,979 [both screaming] 438 00:23:00,146 --> 00:23:02,349 ♪ Never gonna stop, eat it up ♪ 439 00:23:02,482 --> 00:23:04,284 ♪ Such a tasty snack I always eat too much ♪ 440 00:23:04,417 --> 00:23:05,919 ♪ And throw up But I'll soon be back ♪ 441 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:09,189 ♪ For my, my, my-yi-yi, whoo! ♪ 442 00:23:09,322 --> 00:23:11,958 ♪ M-M-M-My bologna ♪ 443 00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:14,227 ♪ M-M-M-My bologna, hey! ♪ 444 00:23:14,361 --> 00:23:18,310 [accordion music continues] 445 00:23:29,876 --> 00:23:31,678 I've heard enough. 446 00:23:34,881 --> 00:23:37,250 And what did you think? 447 00:23:37,384 --> 00:23:40,653 Do you know why they call it the "music business"? 448 00:23:40,787 --> 00:23:42,722 Uh, why? 449 00:23:42,856 --> 00:23:43,890 Because it's a business. 450 00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:45,225 It's a business! 451 00:23:45,358 --> 00:23:46,760 [Tony] Use your head, kid. 452 00:23:46,893 --> 00:23:49,262 Nobody wants to hear a parody song 453 00:23:49,396 --> 00:23:52,232 when they can hear the real thing for the same price. 454 00:23:52,365 --> 00:23:53,867 [stammers] What's the point? 455 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,360 Yeah, it makes no financial sense whatsoever. 456 00:23:56,169 --> 00:23:58,171 Uh, my-my-my song was actually 457 00:23:58,304 --> 00:24:00,600 a-a big hit on The Captain Buffoon Show. 458 00:24:00,140 --> 00:24:02,800 - [laughing] Oh! - What? 459 00:24:02,142 --> 00:24:03,309 Captain Buffoon? Really? 460 00:24:03,443 --> 00:24:04,878 - Yeah. - [Tony] Wait, wait. 461 00:24:05,110 --> 00:24:06,980 Captain Buffoon actually played your song on the radio? 462 00:24:07,147 --> 00:24:08,481 Yeah. 463 00:24:08,615 --> 00:24:10,150 Why didn't you tell us? This changes everything. 464 00:24:10,316 --> 00:24:11,818 Ben, get this young gentleman a record contract 465 00:24:11,951 --> 00:24:13,386 this very instant. 466 00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:15,922 We are gonna sign him to a 14-album deal. 467 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:17,223 Wait, really? 468 00:24:17,357 --> 00:24:19,759 No! What do you think I am, an idiot? 469 00:24:19,893 --> 00:24:22,162 - He's not an idiot! - I'm not an idiot! 470 00:24:22,295 --> 00:24:24,731 - If I may interject here. - Please. 471 00:24:24,864 --> 00:24:26,599 Look, I'd just like to say 472 00:24:26,766 --> 00:24:28,802 that you got some nerve coming in here 473 00:24:28,935 --> 00:24:33,506 and wasting my time and my brother Tony's time. 474 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:38,211 I'm gonna remember your name because you, Al Yankovic, 475 00:24:38,345 --> 00:24:41,648 are the most untalented, pathetic loser 476 00:24:41,781 --> 00:24:44,784 that I've ever met in my entire life. 477 00:24:44,918 --> 00:24:46,519 Okay, um, maybe-- 478 00:24:46,653 --> 00:24:51,891 You're nothing but a hack, a stupid, useless parasite, 479 00:24:52,250 --> 00:24:54,961 - and you're so ugly. - Okay... 480 00:24:55,950 --> 00:24:59,265 That ridiculous hair, that horrible mustache, 481 00:24:59,399 --> 00:25:01,201 stupid glasses. 482 00:25:01,334 --> 00:25:02,669 You make me wanna throw up! 483 00:25:02,836 --> 00:25:04,371 All right, thank you. Thank you, Ben. 484 00:25:04,504 --> 00:25:06,172 Thank you, Ben, for your, for your thoughts. 485 00:25:06,306 --> 00:25:07,841 - Thank you. - Jeez. 486 00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:09,642 - Ugh. - [Tony] Look, kid, 487 00:25:09,776 --> 00:25:13,847 if you really have your heart set on doing this stupid music, 488 00:25:13,980 --> 00:25:15,815 maybe write more than one song. 489 00:25:15,949 --> 00:25:18,118 [Ben] Yeah, all the biggest musical acts have more than 490 00:25:18,284 --> 00:25:19,986 one song in their catalog. 491 00:25:20,120 --> 00:25:21,454 That's very true. 492 00:25:21,588 --> 00:25:23,323 And also, get out in front of a live audience. 493 00:25:23,490 --> 00:25:25,580 Any audience, any stage, 494 00:25:25,191 --> 00:25:28,228 just get out there, build up your chops, and who knows? 495 00:25:28,361 --> 00:25:31,798 Maybe someday... we'll talk again. 496 00:25:31,931 --> 00:25:34,968 But don't count on it because you truly suck. 497 00:25:35,101 --> 00:25:36,690 Right. 498 00:25:36,202 --> 00:25:37,504 Okay. 499 00:25:37,637 --> 00:25:38,705 [man] ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪ 500 00:25:38,872 --> 00:25:40,573 [fighting grunts] 501 00:25:42,342 --> 00:25:45,110 [loud rock music] 502 00:25:45,178 --> 00:25:49,482 ♪ Bowling with the devil! ♪ 503 00:25:51,170 --> 00:25:53,953 Thank you! We are Skunk Barf! 504 00:25:54,870 --> 00:25:58,324 - You guys suck! - [crowd booing] 505 00:25:59,492 --> 00:26:02,762 [shouting, jeering] 506 00:26:05,198 --> 00:26:08,301 I can't do this. I can't do this. 507 00:26:08,435 --> 00:26:10,370 Just relax, you'll be great. 508 00:26:10,503 --> 00:26:12,205 Yeah, the new song's a bona fide hit. 509 00:26:12,339 --> 00:26:14,740 It's about ice cream! 510 00:26:14,207 --> 00:26:15,842 Everybody likes ice cream. 511 00:26:16,900 --> 00:26:19,212 This seems like more of a whiskey and... heroin crowd. 512 00:26:19,346 --> 00:26:21,214 Look, guys, I appreciate you 513 00:26:21,348 --> 00:26:23,830 being here for moral support and everything, 514 00:26:23,249 --> 00:26:24,417 but they are literally gonna kill me. 515 00:26:24,551 --> 00:26:25,885 We need to leave right now. 516 00:26:26,190 --> 00:26:27,454 Don't be silly, man. They're gonna love you. 517 00:26:27,587 --> 00:26:29,222 All right, we got, uh, most of the blood 518 00:26:29,389 --> 00:26:33,560 cleaned off the stage, so you're on, now. 519 00:26:33,693 --> 00:26:37,497 - Go start the car. - Nah, you got this, Al. 520 00:26:37,664 --> 00:26:40,166 This is your moment. Go get 'em, champ. 521 00:26:40,300 --> 00:26:43,103 - [struggling] - Go get 'em. 522 00:26:46,272 --> 00:26:48,410 [exhales] 523 00:26:48,174 --> 00:26:50,760 [indistinct chatter] 524 00:26:50,210 --> 00:26:54,314 All right, all right, who's ready for some more music? 525 00:26:56,349 --> 00:26:58,518 Okay, uh, coming next to the stage, 526 00:26:58,651 --> 00:27:02,155 it's this guy's first time, Al Yankovic. 527 00:27:06,659 --> 00:27:08,695 - [feedback screeching] - Hey. [clears throat] 528 00:27:08,828 --> 00:27:10,630 Sorry. 529 00:27:11,598 --> 00:27:13,533 Sorry. 530 00:27:13,666 --> 00:27:16,569 Ah, nice Hawaiian shirt, Trapper John! 531 00:27:16,703 --> 00:27:18,972 [crowd jeering] 532 00:27:19,105 --> 00:27:20,740 [sniffs] Um... 533 00:27:25,879 --> 00:27:27,313 [man] Boo! 534 00:27:28,415 --> 00:27:32,152 ["I Love Rocky Road" playing] 535 00:27:42,262 --> 00:27:46,132 ♪ I hear those ice cream bells And I start to drool... ♪ 536 00:27:46,266 --> 00:27:48,680 This guy needs some help. 537 00:27:48,201 --> 00:27:51,371 ♪ Keep a couple quarts In my locker at school ♪ 538 00:27:51,504 --> 00:27:54,574 ♪ Yeah, but chocolate's Gettin' old ♪ 539 00:27:54,708 --> 00:27:57,811 ♪ Vanilla just leaves me cold ♪ 540 00:27:57,944 --> 00:28:00,313 [drumming joins] 541 00:28:00,447 --> 00:28:04,984 ♪ There's just one flavor good Enough for me, yeah me ♪ 542 00:28:05,118 --> 00:28:09,456 ♪ Don't gimme no crummy taste Spoon, I know what I need ♪ 543 00:28:09,589 --> 00:28:12,726 ♪ Baby, I love rocky road ♪ 544 00:28:12,859 --> 00:28:14,994 ♪ So won't you go and buy Half a gallon, baby ♪ 545 00:28:15,128 --> 00:28:16,763 ♪ I love rocky road ♪ 546 00:28:16,896 --> 00:28:20,633 ♪ So have another Triple scoop with me ♪ 547 00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:22,102 ♪ Ow! ♪ 548 00:28:23,703 --> 00:28:26,406 Gimme a shot of tequila and two scoops of rum raisin. 549 00:28:26,539 --> 00:28:28,341 We don't sell ice cream here. 550 00:28:28,475 --> 00:28:30,410 You better start selling it before this song's over 551 00:28:30,543 --> 00:28:33,460 or you're gonna have a riot on your hands. 552 00:28:33,213 --> 00:28:38,840 ♪ When I'm all alone I just grab myself a cone ♪ 553 00:28:38,251 --> 00:28:42,956 ♪ And if I get fat and lose My teeth, that's fine with me ♪ 554 00:28:43,890 --> 00:28:47,460 ♪ Just lock me in the freezer And throw away the key ♪ 555 00:28:47,627 --> 00:28:50,196 ♪ Singing I love rocky road ♪ 556 00:28:50,330 --> 00:28:53,990 ♪ So won't you go and buy Half a gallon, baby ♪ 557 00:28:53,233 --> 00:28:54,634 ♪ I love rocky road ♪ 558 00:28:54,801 --> 00:28:57,370 ♪ So have another triple Scoop with me ♪ 559 00:28:57,504 --> 00:28:59,506 ♪ I love rocky road ♪ 560 00:28:59,639 --> 00:29:02,142 ♪ So won't you go And buy half a gallon, baby ♪ 561 00:29:02,275 --> 00:29:04,611 ♪ I love rocky road ♪ 562 00:29:04,744 --> 00:29:06,513 ♪ So have another triple Scoop with ♪ 563 00:29:06,646 --> 00:29:08,615 ♪ I love rocky road ♪ 564 00:29:08,748 --> 00:29:11,184 ♪ So won't you go and buy Half a gallon, baby ♪ 565 00:29:11,351 --> 00:29:13,453 ♪ I love rocky road ♪ 566 00:29:13,586 --> 00:29:16,890 ♪ So have another triple scoop With me ♪ 567 00:29:16,222 --> 00:29:18,825 [audience cheering] 568 00:29:27,100 --> 00:29:30,203 Why didn't you guys tell me you could play? You're great. 569 00:29:30,337 --> 00:29:32,205 I guess it didn't seem relevant 'til now. 570 00:29:32,339 --> 00:29:36,142 - [cheering] - Thank you! 571 00:29:41,140 --> 00:29:42,482 Oh, hey. 572 00:29:43,450 --> 00:29:47,200 Oh! You're Dr. Demento. 573 00:29:47,153 --> 00:29:50,657 Oh, wow. I am such a huge fan. I can't believe this. 574 00:29:50,790 --> 00:29:53,930 I've been listening to your show my entire life. 575 00:29:53,226 --> 00:29:56,290 Whoo-whoo-whoo, wind up your radio-- 576 00:29:56,162 --> 00:29:57,330 - Don't do that. - Sorry. 577 00:29:57,464 --> 00:29:59,366 Um, did you see the show? 578 00:29:59,499 --> 00:30:02,969 I did. And let me tell you something, kid. 579 00:30:03,103 --> 00:30:05,438 Every once in a great while, I can spot a talent 580 00:30:05,572 --> 00:30:08,508 that I know is headed straight to the top. 581 00:30:08,641 --> 00:30:10,110 Nervous Norvus, 582 00:30:10,243 --> 00:30:12,746 Wild Man Fischer, 583 00:30:12,879 --> 00:30:15,648 and now... you. 584 00:30:15,782 --> 00:30:19,386 What I saw you do on that stage tonight blew my mind! 585 00:30:19,519 --> 00:30:21,888 I'm telling you, you've cracked the code. 586 00:30:22,220 --> 00:30:23,223 You're onto something special. 587 00:30:23,356 --> 00:30:24,691 Wow, I mean, you, you, you have no idea 588 00:30:24,824 --> 00:30:26,426 what it means for me to hear you say that. 589 00:30:26,593 --> 00:30:28,995 - Thank you so much. - Oh... 590 00:30:29,129 --> 00:30:31,264 Um, I only wish the Scotti Brothers 591 00:30:31,398 --> 00:30:32,899 felt the same way. 592 00:30:33,330 --> 00:30:34,901 Ah, those suits. They couldn't recognize real talent 593 00:30:35,350 --> 00:30:39,139 if it slapped them in the face with a dead fish. [laughs] 594 00:30:39,272 --> 00:30:42,420 But I might be able to get them to notice you. 595 00:30:42,175 --> 00:30:43,343 How? 596 00:30:43,476 --> 00:30:46,246 Well, stick with me, huh? 597 00:30:46,379 --> 00:30:48,748 I know a little something about the biz. 598 00:30:48,882 --> 00:30:52,585 Uh, wait, are-are you saying you want to be my mentor? 599 00:30:52,719 --> 00:30:57,991 No, I'm saying I want to be your... de-mentor! 600 00:30:58,124 --> 00:31:00,260 [laughs] 601 00:31:06,332 --> 00:31:09,402 But first, we gotta find you a stage name. 602 00:31:09,536 --> 00:31:13,139 I mean, Al Yankovic. Ugh, blech. 603 00:31:13,273 --> 00:31:15,175 Doesn't exactly trip off the tongue now, does it? 604 00:31:15,308 --> 00:31:16,343 I guess not. 605 00:31:16,476 --> 00:31:17,711 It's so clunky. It's long. 606 00:31:17,844 --> 00:31:19,112 It's ungainly. It's hard to pronounce. 607 00:31:19,245 --> 00:31:20,480 Sorry. 608 00:31:20,613 --> 00:31:22,649 Now, I'm just gonna throw this out there. 609 00:31:22,782 --> 00:31:25,618 Would you be willing to change your name to... 610 00:31:27,253 --> 00:31:32,920 Weird... Al Yankovic? 611 00:31:33,526 --> 00:31:34,594 I love it. 612 00:31:34,728 --> 00:31:37,731 [laughs] Great. Great! 613 00:31:37,864 --> 00:31:40,133 Hey, I'm having a little pool party at the house this weekend. 614 00:31:40,266 --> 00:31:42,102 I'd love to introduce you to some folks. 615 00:31:42,235 --> 00:31:43,670 What do you say you come on by, 616 00:31:43,837 --> 00:31:45,839 we'll continue this conversation at the grotto. 617 00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:47,273 Yes, of course! 618 00:31:47,407 --> 00:31:52,780 Mm-hmm. And don't forget to stay demented! 619 00:31:52,212 --> 00:31:53,847 [laughs] 620 00:31:53,980 --> 00:31:55,248 You got it. 621 00:31:59,986 --> 00:32:02,489 [indistinct party chatter] 622 00:32:07,961 --> 00:32:10,630 [Dr. Demento] H-H-Hey! 623 00:32:10,196 --> 00:32:12,866 There he is, my newest superstar. 624 00:32:12,999 --> 00:32:15,101 Ah, so glad you could make it. 625 00:32:15,235 --> 00:32:16,870 I've been telling everyone about you, 626 00:32:17,300 --> 00:32:19,939 and, uh, looks like you've brought your band. 627 00:32:20,730 --> 00:32:21,641 Okay, fine. 628 00:32:21,775 --> 00:32:23,610 Uh, there's some canapés right over there, gentlemen. 629 00:32:23,743 --> 00:32:25,912 Help yourselves. So, let me show you around, okay? 630 00:32:26,460 --> 00:32:29,182 Everyone's dying to meet you. Oh, right this way. 631 00:32:29,315 --> 00:32:31,251 - Uh, Mr. Herman. - [Pee-wee] Hello. 632 00:32:31,384 --> 00:32:33,119 I'd like you to meet "Weird Al" Yankovic. 633 00:32:33,253 --> 00:32:35,655 Ah, a rising star. 634 00:32:35,789 --> 00:32:37,123 Pleased to meet you. 635 00:32:37,257 --> 00:32:40,326 [both laughing] 636 00:32:42,162 --> 00:32:44,531 And this is, of course, Tiny Tim. 637 00:32:44,698 --> 00:32:50,337 Oh, Mr. Yankovic. Oh, why, you're just the cat's pajamas. 638 00:32:50,470 --> 00:32:52,472 Is that a good thing? 639 00:32:52,605 --> 00:32:53,673 Sure. 640 00:32:53,807 --> 00:32:55,842 Ah, excuse us, gentlemen. 641 00:32:56,900 --> 00:32:57,510 Nice to meet you. 642 00:32:57,644 --> 00:33:00,347 So that's Demento's new protégé. 643 00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:01,748 You know, I hear they don't even hand out 644 00:33:01,881 --> 00:33:04,500 raincoats and tarps at his shows. 645 00:33:04,184 --> 00:33:05,785 Amateur hour. 646 00:33:07,654 --> 00:33:09,155 Amateur hour. 647 00:33:10,156 --> 00:33:12,392 Well, hello, Dali. 648 00:33:12,559 --> 00:33:13,793 Andy. 649 00:33:13,927 --> 00:33:17,997 What do you think of this "Weird Al" Yankovic? 650 00:33:18,131 --> 00:33:23,336 Dali predicts he will change everything we know about art! 651 00:33:23,470 --> 00:33:26,873 Weird Al will change the world! 652 00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:29,809 Eh, I give him 15 minutes. 653 00:33:29,943 --> 00:33:34,280 Well, well, well, if it isn't Dr. Demento. 654 00:33:34,414 --> 00:33:37,484 Wolfman Jack. Who let you in here? 655 00:33:37,617 --> 00:33:41,121 The Wolfman goes where the Wolfman wants, baby. 656 00:33:42,550 --> 00:33:45,125 [howling] 657 00:33:45,258 --> 00:33:46,826 Security! 658 00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:50,964 Relax. I just came by to lay eyes on this cat 659 00:33:51,970 --> 00:33:53,400 you've been paradin' around. 660 00:33:53,533 --> 00:33:56,200 The one who takes preexisting musical compositions 661 00:33:56,136 --> 00:33:59,406 and completely changes the lyrics. 662 00:33:59,539 --> 00:34:03,443 He has a name, you know. And it's "Weird Al" Yankovic. 663 00:34:03,576 --> 00:34:06,946 Well then, put 'er there, Weird Al. 664 00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:09,249 Oooh! Too slow. 665 00:34:09,382 --> 00:34:10,884 What is the meaning of this? 666 00:34:11,170 --> 00:34:13,353 This is me telling you that I know hit talent 667 00:34:13,486 --> 00:34:15,455 when I see it, and this kid ain't it. 668 00:34:15,588 --> 00:34:18,925 He'll never crack the top 40, he's too niche. 669 00:34:19,590 --> 00:34:23,930 This kid, as you call him, is the future of music. 670 00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:28,635 Right. Well, if he's so great, how about he comes up 671 00:34:28,802 --> 00:34:32,238 with a new parody song right now on the spot? 672 00:34:32,372 --> 00:34:34,341 - [guests] Ooh... - Whoa. 673 00:34:34,474 --> 00:34:35,842 [Al] I mean, come on, man. It's a party. 674 00:34:36,900 --> 00:34:37,444 I don't know that's a good idea. 675 00:34:37,577 --> 00:34:39,512 [John] Do Another One Bites the Dust. 676 00:34:39,646 --> 00:34:43,183 [laughs] That seems fitting, who said that? 677 00:34:43,350 --> 00:34:47,354 I did. I'm John Deacon... 678 00:34:50,657 --> 00:34:52,158 of Queen. 679 00:34:55,128 --> 00:34:56,730 I play the bass in Queen. 680 00:34:56,863 --> 00:34:58,331 [crowd] Oh... 681 00:34:58,465 --> 00:35:00,767 All right, future boy. 682 00:35:00,900 --> 00:35:05,105 Let's hear what you can do with Another One Bites the Dust. 683 00:35:14,180 --> 00:35:15,782 We're waiting. 684 00:35:17,650 --> 00:35:20,186 You don't have to prove anything to him. 685 00:35:20,353 --> 00:35:22,989 [Jack] Come on, guy from Queen. 686 00:35:23,123 --> 00:35:28,161 Let's go find a party with some real talent. [laughs] 687 00:35:32,866 --> 00:35:35,468 Get me my accordion. 688 00:35:35,602 --> 00:35:37,437 [Jack] Hey, you like deviled eggs? 689 00:35:37,570 --> 00:35:40,306 I love a good deviled egg. They don't love me, though. 690 00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:44,100 ["Another One Rides the Bus" playing] 691 00:35:53,987 --> 00:35:55,722 ♪ Ridin' in the bus Down the boulevard ♪ 692 00:35:55,855 --> 00:35:57,757 ♪ And the place was Pretty packed, yeah! ♪ 693 00:35:57,891 --> 00:35:59,526 ♪ I couldn't find a seat So I had to stand ♪ 694 00:35:59,659 --> 00:36:01,294 ♪ With the perverts In the back ♪ 695 00:36:01,428 --> 00:36:02,962 ♪ It was smellin' Like a locker room ♪ 696 00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:04,798 ♪ There was junk All over the floor ♪ 697 00:36:04,931 --> 00:36:06,800 ♪ We're already packed in Like sardines ♪ 698 00:36:06,933 --> 00:36:10,700 ♪ But we're stoppin' To pick up more, look out! ♪ 699 00:36:10,203 --> 00:36:13,306 ♪ Another one rides the bus ♪ 700 00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:15,542 - ♪ Another one rides the bus ♪ -[train whistle] 701 00:36:15,675 --> 00:36:17,510 ♪ And another comes on And another comes on ♪ 702 00:36:17,644 --> 00:36:19,245 ♪ Another one rides the bus ♪ 703 00:36:19,379 --> 00:36:21,214 ♪ Hey, he's gonna sit by you ♪ 704 00:36:21,348 --> 00:36:24,840 ♪ Another one rides the bus ♪ 705 00:36:30,223 --> 00:36:31,691 ♪ Another one rides the bus ♪ 706 00:36:31,825 --> 00:36:33,827 ♪ Another one rides the bus Ow! ♪ 707 00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:35,729 ♪ Another one rides the bus Hey, hey ♪ 708 00:36:35,862 --> 00:36:40,266 ♪ Another one rides the bus Hey-ey-ey-ey-ey ♪ 709 00:36:44,337 --> 00:36:46,373 ♪ The window doesn't open And the fan is broke ♪ 710 00:36:46,506 --> 00:36:48,508 ♪ And my face Is turnin' blue, yeah ♪ 711 00:36:48,641 --> 00:36:50,377 ♪ I haven't been In a crowd like this ♪ 712 00:36:50,510 --> 00:36:52,178 ♪ Since I went to see The Who ♪ 713 00:36:52,312 --> 00:36:53,880 ♪ Well, I should've got off A couple miles ago ♪ 714 00:36:54,140 --> 00:36:55,749 ♪ But I couldn't get To the door ♪ 715 00:36:55,882 --> 00:36:57,484 ♪ There isn't any room For me to breathe ♪ 716 00:36:57,617 --> 00:37:00,687 ♪ Now we're gonna pick up more Yeah! ♪ 717 00:37:00,820 --> 00:37:04,124 ♪ Another one rides the bus ♪ 718 00:37:04,257 --> 00:37:06,459 ♪ Another one rides the bus ♪ 719 00:37:06,626 --> 00:37:08,361 ♪ And another comes on And another comes on ♪ 720 00:37:08,495 --> 00:37:10,330 ♪ Another one rides the bus ♪ 721 00:37:10,463 --> 00:37:14,134 ♪ Hey, he's gonna sit by you Another one rides the bus! ♪ 722 00:37:14,267 --> 00:37:16,770 [guests cheering] 723 00:37:31,851 --> 00:37:33,353 I don't know what to say. 724 00:37:34,688 --> 00:37:36,356 That was the-- 725 00:37:36,523 --> 00:37:37,757 That was the most beautiful thing 726 00:37:37,891 --> 00:37:39,659 I've ever heard in my entire life. 727 00:37:41,227 --> 00:37:44,698 You truly have a rare gift, Weird Al. 728 00:37:52,706 --> 00:37:56,910 Hey mate, we're playing a little gig next week 729 00:37:57,770 --> 00:38:01,815 called Live Aid, Wembley Stadium. 730 00:38:01,948 --> 00:38:04,317 I'd be honored if you would join the band 731 00:38:04,451 --> 00:38:07,687 and play that song on stage with us. 732 00:38:09,723 --> 00:38:11,257 What do you say? 733 00:38:17,797 --> 00:38:19,165 Hard pass! 734 00:38:19,299 --> 00:38:22,602 [laughter] 735 00:38:26,940 --> 00:38:30,143 - This guy? - Get him, get him out of here! 736 00:38:34,381 --> 00:38:36,850 [Al] I felt like I was on top of the world, 737 00:38:36,983 --> 00:38:40,620 but this was just the beginning. 738 00:38:40,754 --> 00:38:44,224 "Weird Al" Yankovic is one of the most exciting 739 00:38:44,357 --> 00:38:46,593 new artists in pop music today. 740 00:38:46,726 --> 00:38:49,295 His self-titled debut album 741 00:38:49,429 --> 00:38:53,199 was just certified quintuple platinum. 742 00:38:53,333 --> 00:38:54,701 [audience cheers] 743 00:38:54,868 --> 00:38:56,903 Simply by taking well-known pop songs 744 00:38:57,370 --> 00:38:58,405 and changing the lyrics, 745 00:38:58,538 --> 00:39:00,740 Yankovic has taken the world by storm. 746 00:39:00,874 --> 00:39:04,110 I have never seen a collection of Hawaiian shirts like this. 747 00:39:04,244 --> 00:39:05,912 Oh, well, thank you, Oprah! 748 00:39:06,460 --> 00:39:08,810 [Oprah] He has the number one album in 20 countries 749 00:39:08,248 --> 00:39:10,150 and counts among his fans such luminaries as... 750 00:39:10,316 --> 00:39:12,520 Hey, turn this up. 751 00:39:12,185 --> 00:39:14,721 [Oprah] ...President Ronald Reagan and Pope John Paul II. 752 00:39:14,854 --> 00:39:17,757 Even international drug lord Pablo Escobar 753 00:39:17,891 --> 00:39:20,727 calls Weird Al his favorite musician. 754 00:39:20,860 --> 00:39:22,429 ♪ Oh, Ricky, you're so fine ♪ 755 00:39:22,595 --> 00:39:24,330 ♪ You're so fine You blow my mind ♪ 756 00:39:24,464 --> 00:39:26,833 - ♪ Hey Ricky! Hey Ricky! ♪ - [guns firing] 757 00:39:26,966 --> 00:39:28,868 And what about this, this necklace you're wearing? 758 00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:30,470 Oh, these, yeah. 759 00:39:30,603 --> 00:39:32,272 I, uh, I wear one solid platinum record medallion 760 00:39:32,405 --> 00:39:34,740 for each time my album went platinum. 761 00:39:34,207 --> 00:39:36,376 So that's one, two, three, four, five. 762 00:39:36,509 --> 00:39:38,211 Wow. Those look heavy. 763 00:39:38,345 --> 00:39:40,347 They are super uncomfortable. 764 00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:42,916 [Oprah] And it's not just the record company 765 00:39:43,490 --> 00:39:45,685 that's cashing in on Weird Al fever. 766 00:39:45,819 --> 00:39:49,356 The artists he's parodying are experiencing a phenomenon 767 00:39:49,522 --> 00:39:52,225 that's being called the Yankovic Bump. 768 00:39:52,359 --> 00:39:55,428 The Knack, Joan Jett and even Queen 769 00:39:55,595 --> 00:39:58,365 have seen their album sales double 770 00:39:58,498 --> 00:40:01,701 after Weird Al put his unique spin on their songs. 771 00:40:01,868 --> 00:40:06,390 Which begs the question, who will be next? 772 00:40:06,172 --> 00:40:09,420 Who indeed? 773 00:40:09,175 --> 00:40:13,580 Al, you really do seem to have the Midas touch. [chuckles] 774 00:40:13,713 --> 00:40:16,282 I've never seen anything like it in all my years. 775 00:40:16,416 --> 00:40:18,918 Your parents must be proud. 776 00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:22,550 Yeah. Yeah, my parents... 777 00:40:31,197 --> 00:40:32,665 Is everything okay? 778 00:40:32,832 --> 00:40:34,868 Huh? Yeah. Yes, of course. 779 00:40:35,100 --> 00:40:37,570 Yeah, whose--whose parents wouldn't be proud? 780 00:40:37,704 --> 00:40:39,205 [Oprah] Exactly. 781 00:40:40,507 --> 00:40:43,710 - Al? Al? - [phone ringing] 782 00:40:48,615 --> 00:40:49,683 Hello? 783 00:40:49,816 --> 00:40:53,319 - [Al] Hey, Mom. It's me. - Alfy? 784 00:40:53,453 --> 00:40:55,655 [Al] It's been a long time, hasn't it? 785 00:40:57,524 --> 00:40:59,250 We saw you on the TV. 786 00:40:59,159 --> 00:41:01,428 It's crazy, right? 787 00:41:01,594 --> 00:41:03,563 Yeah, who would've thought? 788 00:41:03,730 --> 00:41:06,166 I'm actually gearing up for a residency right now 789 00:41:06,299 --> 00:41:08,201 at Madison Square Garden. 790 00:41:08,334 --> 00:41:11,370 Sold out 25 nights in a row. 791 00:41:11,171 --> 00:41:12,672 They're, uh, they're moving the Knicks 792 00:41:12,806 --> 00:41:14,708 to a hockey rink in Jersey for a month. 793 00:41:14,841 --> 00:41:16,376 - Huh. - Yep. 794 00:41:16,509 --> 00:41:18,244 Yep. I'm living the dream. 795 00:41:18,378 --> 00:41:20,714 I mean, to have 20,000 people every night 796 00:41:20,847 --> 00:41:22,882 singing along to my words 797 00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:24,784 to other people's music. 798 00:41:24,918 --> 00:41:27,787 I feel truly alive when I'm on that stage. 799 00:41:27,921 --> 00:41:29,589 [Mary] Oh, that's nice. 800 00:41:30,690 --> 00:41:32,325 Are you eating enough bran? 801 00:41:33,626 --> 00:41:35,662 - What? - Well, it's important. 802 00:41:35,795 --> 00:41:38,231 It keeps you regular and you know how you get 803 00:41:38,365 --> 00:41:40,667 when you're not having your regular BMs, Alfy. 804 00:41:40,834 --> 00:41:43,737 I--Yeah, sure. 805 00:41:43,903 --> 00:41:47,507 Good. That's good. 806 00:41:48,808 --> 00:41:53,480 So, um, so how's Dad? 807 00:41:53,613 --> 00:41:57,170 Gosh, your father's a complicated man. 808 00:41:57,150 --> 00:41:59,152 Does he ever talk about me? 809 00:41:59,319 --> 00:42:02,422 Oh, sure, all the time. Yes. 810 00:42:02,555 --> 00:42:04,824 There's so many things that he wants to tell you, 811 00:42:04,958 --> 00:42:06,159 but it's just difficult for him. 812 00:42:06,292 --> 00:42:08,228 Well, like what? 813 00:42:08,361 --> 00:42:10,597 You know, what does he want to tell me? 814 00:42:10,764 --> 00:42:15,268 Well, mostly he just wants to let you know that 815 00:42:15,402 --> 00:42:17,671 he's definitely not proud of you. 816 00:42:18,938 --> 00:42:20,273 What? 817 00:42:20,407 --> 00:42:22,308 Yes. He told me to be crystal clear about that. 818 00:42:22,442 --> 00:42:24,844 Also, he still thinks that parody songs are stupid, 819 00:42:24,978 --> 00:42:26,312 and I don't have to tell you 820 00:42:26,446 --> 00:42:27,747 how he feels about the accordion, do I? 821 00:42:27,881 --> 00:42:29,549 Okay. Well, Mom, I actually have to go now. 822 00:42:29,683 --> 00:42:31,418 You know, he just never really wanted to have kids. 823 00:42:31,551 --> 00:42:33,486 Okay. Well, great talking to you. 824 00:42:33,620 --> 00:42:35,789 Listen, if you do wanna get that job down at the factory, 825 00:42:35,922 --> 00:42:38,240 I'm sure your father can pull a few strings for you. 826 00:42:38,158 --> 00:42:39,392 All right. Take care now, bye-bye. 827 00:42:39,559 --> 00:42:41,428 - Love you, Alfy! - Yep! 828 00:42:48,601 --> 00:42:50,103 - [grunts] - [phone shatters] 829 00:42:52,439 --> 00:42:56,343 Oh, tough call with the folks, huh? 830 00:42:56,476 --> 00:42:57,844 You know, I can fire up 831 00:42:57,977 --> 00:42:59,212 the downstairs hot tub for you if you'd like. 832 00:42:59,346 --> 00:43:00,680 Oh, no, no, this is fine. 833 00:43:00,814 --> 00:43:01,981 I don't want to put you through any trouble. 834 00:43:02,115 --> 00:43:03,516 [Al] I--It's really no trouble. 835 00:43:03,650 --> 00:43:05,218 I mean, there are actually three other Jacuzzis 836 00:43:05,385 --> 00:43:06,920 in the house that are not here in my bedroom. 837 00:43:07,530 --> 00:43:10,457 Oh, that's so sweet of you, but really, I'm good. 838 00:43:10,590 --> 00:43:13,927 You, on the other hand, you don't seem so good. 839 00:43:14,600 --> 00:43:16,229 Do you wanna talk about it? 840 00:43:19,899 --> 00:43:23,300 It's just, my whole life, 841 00:43:23,136 --> 00:43:28,641 all I've wanted is for my father to accept me for who I am. 842 00:43:28,775 --> 00:43:32,450 And I thought if I became this huge success, 843 00:43:32,212 --> 00:43:34,381 that that would change things, but... 844 00:43:34,514 --> 00:43:35,682 Mm. 845 00:43:37,250 --> 00:43:40,520 But he still hates everything about me. 846 00:43:43,556 --> 00:43:46,326 You know, maybe he's right. Maybe parody songs are stupid. 847 00:43:46,459 --> 00:43:49,796 Look, you don't have to write parody songs 848 00:43:49,929 --> 00:43:51,531 if you don't want to. 849 00:43:51,664 --> 00:43:53,366 What? 850 00:43:53,500 --> 00:43:55,769 You look a little hungry. Here, have a snack. 851 00:43:58,380 --> 00:44:02,208 You can write your own songs. 852 00:44:02,342 --> 00:44:03,910 You think I took you under my wing 853 00:44:04,770 --> 00:44:06,346 because you write parody songs? 854 00:44:06,479 --> 00:44:09,849 No, I saw in you a visionary, 855 00:44:09,983 --> 00:44:13,953 an artist who has something to give to the world. 856 00:44:14,870 --> 00:44:15,689 I saw in you something special, 857 00:44:15,822 --> 00:44:19,920 something your father doesn't see 858 00:44:19,225 --> 00:44:21,695 and that even you don't see... 859 00:44:23,830 --> 00:44:24,864 yet. 860 00:44:24,998 --> 00:44:26,666 This guacamole tastes funny. 861 00:44:26,833 --> 00:44:30,370 [Dr. Demento laughs] Of course it does. It's loaded with LSD. 862 00:44:30,503 --> 00:44:31,538 What? 863 00:44:31,671 --> 00:44:33,573 - [laughs] - No! 864 00:44:33,707 --> 00:44:37,277 You need to open your heart and your mind, 865 00:44:37,410 --> 00:44:41,810 face your fears, break your chains, 866 00:44:41,247 --> 00:44:42,982 come with me on a spiritual journey. 867 00:44:43,116 --> 00:44:44,951 Find your source of inspiration! 868 00:44:45,850 --> 00:44:48,188 No, that-that is totally not cool, man. You can't just-- 869 00:44:48,321 --> 00:44:51,124 Whoa, no, what is happening to your head? 870 00:44:51,257 --> 00:44:52,992 That's probably the drugs kicking in. 871 00:44:53,126 --> 00:44:55,950 Just relax and enjoy the ride. 872 00:44:55,228 --> 00:44:57,697 It'll be over in like, ten to 12 hours. 873 00:44:57,831 --> 00:45:01,301 Twelve hours? No, no, no, no, no, no. 874 00:45:01,434 --> 00:45:03,360 [audio distorting] 875 00:45:03,169 --> 00:45:05,638 I'm just gonna close my eyes and when I open them up again, 876 00:45:05,772 --> 00:45:07,707 everything is gonna be completely back to-- 877 00:45:07,841 --> 00:45:10,110 [gasps] 878 00:45:15,150 --> 00:45:17,500 [breathing rapidly] 879 00:45:17,183 --> 00:45:19,886 What in God's name are you doing, boy? 880 00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:22,220 Those aren't the right words! 881 00:45:22,155 --> 00:45:24,257 Please, just stop being who you are 882 00:45:24,391 --> 00:45:26,126 and doing the things you love. 883 00:45:26,259 --> 00:45:29,796 You, Al Yankovic, are the most untalented, 884 00:45:29,929 --> 00:45:34,367 pathetic loser I've ever met in my entire life! 885 00:45:34,501 --> 00:45:37,437 No, no, no, stop it. Leave me alone! 886 00:45:40,407 --> 00:45:45,378 Alfred Yankovic, this is your time. 887 00:45:45,512 --> 00:45:49,416 Believe in yourself, and the song will come to you. 888 00:45:49,549 --> 00:45:51,184 Don't listen to him, boy! 889 00:45:51,351 --> 00:45:54,154 You belong with me, at the factory! 890 00:45:54,287 --> 00:45:57,791 It's your destiny! 891 00:45:57,924 --> 00:46:01,161 [struggling] Aah! No! 892 00:46:01,294 --> 00:46:03,763 [laughing] 893 00:46:08,802 --> 00:46:10,770 Aah! No! 894 00:46:10,937 --> 00:46:14,741 He's losing his power over you, keep going! 895 00:46:14,874 --> 00:46:16,543 I can't! 896 00:46:16,676 --> 00:46:19,779 Maybe you should try a little Cap'n Crunch. 897 00:46:20,980 --> 00:46:22,749 What? 898 00:46:22,882 --> 00:46:24,684 Raisin Bran, perhaps? 899 00:46:26,119 --> 00:46:28,722 No, no! I don't want no Cap'n Crunch! 900 00:46:28,855 --> 00:46:30,623 Don't want no Raisin Bran! 901 00:46:30,757 --> 00:46:34,794 Eat it, just eat it. 902 00:46:34,928 --> 00:46:36,830 I don't understand! 903 00:46:36,963 --> 00:46:40,233 [distorted] Don't you make me repeat it. 904 00:46:40,367 --> 00:46:43,690 [machine clanking] 905 00:46:43,203 --> 00:46:45,372 What's happening to me? 906 00:46:45,505 --> 00:46:49,420 Now you must die in order to be reborn. 907 00:46:49,175 --> 00:46:52,545 No, no! No! 908 00:46:56,950 --> 00:47:00,120 [thunder crashing] 909 00:47:04,724 --> 00:47:07,594 [heart beating] 910 00:47:13,199 --> 00:47:15,702 [playing "Eat It"] 911 00:47:19,305 --> 00:47:20,707 [screaming] 912 00:47:25,679 --> 00:47:26,780 Put it in. 913 00:47:28,782 --> 00:47:31,685 ♪ How come you're always Such a fussy young man ♪ 914 00:47:31,818 --> 00:47:34,654 ♪ Don't want no Cap'n Crunch Don't want no Raisin Bran ♪ 915 00:47:34,788 --> 00:47:36,990 ♪ Well, don't you know That other kids ♪ 916 00:47:37,123 --> 00:47:38,258 ♪ Are starving in Japan ♪ 917 00:47:38,391 --> 00:47:41,327 ♪ So eat it, just eat it ♪ 918 00:47:44,300 --> 00:47:45,598 I've heard enough. 919 00:47:48,134 --> 00:47:50,370 It's brilliant. 920 00:47:50,503 --> 00:47:53,106 [Ben] Okay, I'm sorry. I don't recognize the tune. 921 00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:55,175 What song are you parodying here? 922 00:47:55,308 --> 00:47:57,177 I'm not parodying anything. 923 00:47:57,310 --> 00:47:59,245 This song is completely original. 924 00:47:59,379 --> 00:48:02,315 Wait, you wrote the words and the music? 925 00:48:02,449 --> 00:48:03,450 That's right. 926 00:48:03,583 --> 00:48:06,553 Okay, just to be perfectly clear, 927 00:48:06,686 --> 00:48:11,124 so you're saying this is not a parody of an existing song, 928 00:48:11,257 --> 00:48:13,493 but an entirely original composition 929 00:48:13,660 --> 00:48:15,729 that you wrote all by yourself? 930 00:48:15,862 --> 00:48:17,330 Yes. 931 00:48:17,464 --> 00:48:19,866 Not based on anybody else's song in any way? 932 00:48:19,999 --> 00:48:22,102 Did I stutter? 933 00:48:24,237 --> 00:48:27,941 I'm tired of people thinking I'm some kind of joke, okay? 934 00:48:28,108 --> 00:48:31,845 I am done writing parody songs. 935 00:48:31,978 --> 00:48:33,380 Done. 936 00:48:34,114 --> 00:48:35,915 From now on, 937 00:48:36,490 --> 00:48:40,820 I am only gonna do completely original music. 938 00:48:40,954 --> 00:48:43,456 Oh, Al, you can't smoke in here. 939 00:48:45,580 --> 00:48:46,226 [cigarette sizzling] 940 00:48:46,359 --> 00:48:50,397 [groaning] 941 00:48:52,966 --> 00:48:55,435 [pained laughter] I totally deserved that. 942 00:48:55,568 --> 00:49:00,273 Well, I am blown away. This is a bold new direction. 943 00:49:00,407 --> 00:49:02,976 I mean, the parody songs were fine, 944 00:49:03,143 --> 00:49:08,348 but you've completely changed the game here. 945 00:49:08,481 --> 00:49:10,750 This is gonna be your biggest hit yet. 946 00:49:10,884 --> 00:49:13,860 [doorbell ringing] 947 00:49:13,219 --> 00:49:17,624 Okay, okay! Hold your horses! 948 00:49:20,260 --> 00:49:21,528 [doorbell continues ringing] 949 00:49:29,169 --> 00:49:30,870 "Weird Al" Yankovic. 950 00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:34,740 Um, do I know you? 951 00:49:34,207 --> 00:49:37,877 Madonna. Ring any bells? 952 00:49:38,110 --> 00:49:41,381 [Al] Oh, right. Madonna. 953 00:49:41,514 --> 00:49:45,552 Yeah, Lucky Star, Holiday, Borderline. 954 00:49:45,685 --> 00:49:47,320 Born in Michigan, Catholic schoolgirl, 955 00:49:47,487 --> 00:49:49,255 dropped outta college and moved to New York City 956 00:49:49,389 --> 00:49:51,124 with nothing but the clothes on your back 957 00:49:51,257 --> 00:49:52,459 and $35 in your pocket. 958 00:49:52,625 --> 00:49:54,861 Maybe it was to become the Queen of Pop. 959 00:49:54,994 --> 00:49:58,264 Maybe it was to get back at Dad for marrying the housekeeper. 960 00:49:59,566 --> 00:50:00,800 Wow. 961 00:50:00,934 --> 00:50:02,969 You know a lot more about me than you let on. 962 00:50:03,103 --> 00:50:07,540 What can I say? I'm full of surprises. [grunts] 963 00:50:07,674 --> 00:50:09,709 [door slamming] 964 00:50:09,843 --> 00:50:13,913 So, what brings you here, Madonna? 965 00:50:14,470 --> 00:50:15,815 Oh, I was in the neighborhood. 966 00:50:15,949 --> 00:50:21,454 Wanted to see if my map to the stars' homes was accurate. 967 00:50:21,588 --> 00:50:24,324 Guess you won't need a refund, then. 968 00:50:24,491 --> 00:50:28,328 Is that, uh, all you wanted? 969 00:50:28,461 --> 00:50:33,500 No, I want a lot of things, 970 00:50:33,633 --> 00:50:36,102 but the truth is, I'm a big fan of yours. 971 00:50:36,236 --> 00:50:38,672 Join the club. 972 00:50:38,805 --> 00:50:43,760 Have you heard my new single, Like a Virgin? 973 00:50:43,209 --> 00:50:44,511 [Al] Oh, I've heard it. 974 00:50:44,644 --> 00:50:50,500 And I'm curious, is that song autobiographical? 975 00:51:06,366 --> 00:51:09,769 So, are we like, boyfriend and girlfriend now? 976 00:51:11,638 --> 00:51:14,674 Maybe. [giggles] 977 00:51:14,808 --> 00:51:18,378 Well, now that things are official, 978 00:51:18,545 --> 00:51:21,681 I should really be honest with you. 979 00:51:21,815 --> 00:51:26,820 When I said I might parody one of your songs, I lied. 980 00:51:30,223 --> 00:51:33,930 So, it's true, what they're saying. 981 00:51:33,226 --> 00:51:36,129 You're not doing parodies anymore. 982 00:51:36,262 --> 00:51:37,731 My song Eat It, 983 00:51:37,864 --> 00:51:40,200 which, as you know, is a hundred percent original, 984 00:51:40,333 --> 00:51:43,636 is the biggest hit by anybody ever. 985 00:51:43,770 --> 00:51:46,272 So, I've decided that's all I wanna do from now on. 986 00:51:46,406 --> 00:51:49,750 Completely original songs. 987 00:51:52,712 --> 00:51:55,682 See, that's what I love about you. 988 00:51:55,815 --> 00:51:59,252 You know what you want and you know how to get it. 989 00:52:01,187 --> 00:52:02,555 Just like me. 990 00:52:15,502 --> 00:52:18,171 ♪ Just eat it, eat it ♪ 991 00:52:18,338 --> 00:52:21,408 ♪ Don't you make me repeat it ♪ 992 00:52:21,541 --> 00:52:24,577 ♪ Have a banana Have a whole bunch ♪ 993 00:52:24,711 --> 00:52:27,614 ♪ It doesn't matter What you had for lunch ♪ 994 00:52:27,747 --> 00:52:30,650 ♪ Just eat it, eat it, eat it Eat it ♪ 995 00:52:30,784 --> 00:52:32,585 ♪ Eat it Eat it, eat it, eat it ♪ 996 00:52:32,752 --> 00:52:37,390 [laughs] How about that? And I've got some amazing news. 997 00:52:37,524 --> 00:52:40,930 I've officially gotten the word that we have broken 998 00:52:40,226 --> 00:52:44,764 the Beatles' record for most singles in the Billboard Top 10. 999 00:52:45,699 --> 00:52:46,866 Oh. 1000 00:52:50,704 --> 00:52:52,720 Yeah, cool. 1001 00:52:52,205 --> 00:52:53,773 Uh, okay. 1002 00:52:53,907 --> 00:52:58,378 Well, um, we have some very exciting offers pouring in 1003 00:52:58,545 --> 00:53:01,470 that I would love to-- 1004 00:53:01,181 --> 00:53:03,830 - That-- - Oh, that feels good. 1005 00:53:03,216 --> 00:53:04,784 love to discuss with-- 1006 00:53:04,918 --> 00:53:06,520 Love to discuss with you. 1007 00:53:06,186 --> 00:53:07,754 We got some, some great calls. 1008 00:53:07,887 --> 00:53:09,856 - [moaning continues] - Uh, very interesting. 1009 00:53:09,989 --> 00:53:13,626 Led Zeppelin, uh, is thinking about getting back together, 1010 00:53:13,760 --> 00:53:15,695 but they say the only way they'll do it 1011 00:53:15,829 --> 00:53:17,931 is if they can open up for you on tour. 1012 00:53:18,980 --> 00:53:19,699 I mean, that's sweet, but yeah. 1013 00:53:19,833 --> 00:53:22,802 I already offered the gig to Howie Mandel, so. 1014 00:53:25,380 --> 00:53:30,176 Look, I am not bumping Mandel for Zeppelin, okay? Pass. 1015 00:53:30,310 --> 00:53:34,214 Okay. Got it. 1016 00:53:34,347 --> 00:53:37,650 Uh, well, we have another offer, a very serious offer. 1017 00:53:37,784 --> 00:53:41,855 This is to replace Roger Moore in the James Bond franchise. 1018 00:53:41,988 --> 00:53:43,456 - Now this one-- - No! 1019 00:53:43,590 --> 00:53:45,191 No, no, no, I'm not gonna be the new James Bond. 1020 00:53:45,325 --> 00:53:47,193 I'm not gonna be the new Indiana Jones. 1021 00:53:47,327 --> 00:53:51,640 From now on, everything I do has to be completely original. 1022 00:53:51,197 --> 00:53:53,166 How many times have I gotta say that? 1023 00:53:53,299 --> 00:53:57,270 Look, Mr. Pimento, we have places to be. 1024 00:53:57,404 --> 00:53:59,406 How long is this gonna take? 1025 00:53:59,539 --> 00:54:01,875 Not much longer. 1026 00:54:02,800 --> 00:54:03,576 We got another offer for you to play 1027 00:54:03,710 --> 00:54:05,845 Pablo Escobar's 40th birthday party. 1028 00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:07,881 I saw him on the news. He's a really big deal. 1029 00:54:08,140 --> 00:54:10,517 The drug lord? Why is he so obsessed with me? 1030 00:54:10,650 --> 00:54:15,689 And he has upped his offer to three billion pesos. 1031 00:54:15,822 --> 00:54:17,691 I mean, okay, how much is that in American money? 1032 00:54:17,824 --> 00:54:19,920 You know what, never mind. 1033 00:54:19,225 --> 00:54:20,994 I don't feel like doing the math. 1034 00:54:21,127 --> 00:54:22,529 Well, I've done the math and I can assure you-- 1035 00:54:22,662 --> 00:54:25,310 Bup-bup-bup! I can do my own math, 1036 00:54:30,236 --> 00:54:32,672 [laughing] 1037 00:54:32,806 --> 00:54:34,641 You, you don't think things are moving 1038 00:54:34,774 --> 00:54:36,109 too fast with us, do you? 1039 00:54:36,242 --> 00:54:40,800 Baby, don't be silly. We're soulmates. 1040 00:54:40,213 --> 00:54:43,717 This is true love. When you know, you know. 1041 00:54:43,850 --> 00:54:45,285 You're so right. 1042 00:54:45,418 --> 00:54:49,556 This has been the happiest six hours of my life. 1043 00:54:49,689 --> 00:54:53,593 Mr. Yankovic, you have a phone call at the host stand. 1044 00:54:54,461 --> 00:54:56,129 Excuse me, my love. 1045 00:55:03,703 --> 00:55:05,238 This better be good. 1046 00:55:06,673 --> 00:55:08,410 Well... 1047 00:55:09,442 --> 00:55:11,211 What's going on, Tony? 1048 00:55:11,344 --> 00:55:15,548 Okay, um, I-I thought you should hear it from me first. 1049 00:55:15,682 --> 00:55:20,520 Michael Jackson just released a new single called Beat It. 1050 00:55:20,687 --> 00:55:22,589 It's, um... 1051 00:55:22,756 --> 00:55:25,191 Well, it's-it's a parody of Eat It. 1052 00:55:25,325 --> 00:55:27,994 You mean the kid from the Jackson Five? 1053 00:55:28,128 --> 00:55:30,363 Why is that has-been trying to ride my coattails? 1054 00:55:30,497 --> 00:55:33,266 He actually has a pretty successful solo career now. 1055 00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:34,801 Whatever! You're telling me 1056 00:55:34,934 --> 00:55:36,970 Michael Jackson recorded a parody of my song? 1057 00:55:37,103 --> 00:55:38,571 [Tony] Yeah, that's what I'm saying. 1058 00:55:38,705 --> 00:55:40,600 Same music, different words. 1059 00:55:40,140 --> 00:55:41,775 What kinda sick freak changes the words 1060 00:55:41,908 --> 00:55:43,943 to someone else's song? 1061 00:55:44,811 --> 00:55:46,546 Beat It, huh? 1062 00:55:46,680 --> 00:55:48,415 Wait, so it's about eggs? 1063 00:55:48,581 --> 00:55:50,500 No, no, it's, uh, I don't think it's even about food. 1064 00:55:50,183 --> 00:55:52,118 It's about fighting or... 1065 00:55:52,252 --> 00:55:54,187 trying to avoid a fight? I'm not exactly sure-- 1066 00:55:54,320 --> 00:55:58,258 What gives him the right? Can he even do this? 1067 00:55:58,391 --> 00:56:00,360 I think you're overreacting just a little, okay? 1068 00:56:00,493 --> 00:56:03,229 I mean, this could be great publicity. 1069 00:56:03,363 --> 00:56:04,698 Sell a few more albums. 1070 00:56:04,831 --> 00:56:07,267 No, I don't need to sell more albums, Tony! 1071 00:56:07,400 --> 00:56:09,669 I need people to start taking me seriously 1072 00:56:09,803 --> 00:56:11,805 as an artist that creates original music. 1073 00:56:11,938 --> 00:56:13,740 Now some idiots will probably get confused 1074 00:56:13,873 --> 00:56:16,476 and think Beat It came first! 1075 00:56:16,609 --> 00:56:18,110 Nobody's gonna think that. 1076 00:56:18,144 --> 00:56:20,313 This is a disaster, for the rest of my life now, 1077 00:56:20,447 --> 00:56:22,582 I'm gonna be linked to this Michael Jackson guy. 1078 00:56:22,716 --> 00:56:24,317 And why would that be so bad? 1079 00:56:24,451 --> 00:56:26,453 You know, maybe it's a good thing. I-I think it's an honor. 1080 00:56:26,586 --> 00:56:28,588 Michael's one of the biggest stars in the world. 1081 00:56:30,156 --> 00:56:33,793 [phone slamming repeatedly] 1082 00:56:37,364 --> 00:56:38,631 Everything okay? 1083 00:56:38,765 --> 00:56:40,867 Everything's pretty freaking not okay. 1084 00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:42,535 I finally created something of my own 1085 00:56:42,669 --> 00:56:44,404 and now people are just gonna think I'm ripping off 1086 00:56:44,537 --> 00:56:46,206 "Michael Jackson." 1087 00:56:46,373 --> 00:56:48,410 Your filet? 1088 00:56:48,174 --> 00:56:50,410 - [growls] - [dishes clattering] 1089 00:56:50,543 --> 00:56:52,679 I think I lost my appetite. 1090 00:56:52,812 --> 00:56:55,782 Babe, you seem stressed. You should have a drink. 1091 00:56:55,915 --> 00:56:58,510 I don't really drink. 1092 00:56:58,184 --> 00:56:59,552 If there's one thing I've learned in life, 1093 00:56:59,719 --> 00:57:01,321 the only thing that can clear your head 1094 00:57:01,454 --> 00:57:04,240 and make you feel better is hard alcohol, and lots of it. 1095 00:57:04,157 --> 00:57:08,962 Well, you know me better than anyone. 1096 00:57:10,430 --> 00:57:11,631 I trust you. 1097 00:57:12,832 --> 00:57:14,300 He'll have a whiskey, neat. 1098 00:57:14,434 --> 00:57:16,903 [Al sobbing] 1099 00:57:18,672 --> 00:57:21,941 You know what? Maybe you should bring the whole bottle. 1100 00:57:31,451 --> 00:57:34,200 - [Al laughs] I know, right? - [Madonna laughing] 1101 00:57:34,154 --> 00:57:38,725 Hey, hey. The king is here! Let's get this party started. 1102 00:57:38,892 --> 00:57:42,228 Dude, soundcheck was supposed to start like three hours ago. 1103 00:57:42,362 --> 00:57:47,100 Well, I wasn't here three hours ago, so we're starting now. 1104 00:57:47,233 --> 00:57:48,868 Al, are you drunk? 1105 00:57:49,200 --> 00:57:50,370 [Al] I'm not drunk, you're all drunk. 1106 00:57:50,503 --> 00:57:51,871 No, this is pointless. 1107 00:57:52,500 --> 00:57:54,174 Hey, man, why don't you just get out of here? 1108 00:57:54,341 --> 00:57:56,710 I need to get out of here? You need to get out of here! 1109 00:57:56,843 --> 00:57:58,278 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Guys, guys! 1110 00:57:58,445 --> 00:58:00,880 Al, look, it's the first show of the tour tonight. 1111 00:58:01,140 --> 00:58:02,882 It's kind of a big deal. 1112 00:58:03,160 --> 00:58:04,317 Do you think you could maybe not screw this up for everybody? 1113 00:58:04,451 --> 00:58:07,420 Oh, what-what-what are you gonna do, fire me? 1114 00:58:07,554 --> 00:58:10,790 You guys are nothing without me. 1115 00:58:10,924 --> 00:58:13,693 Yeah, I could replace you with a drum machine 1116 00:58:13,827 --> 00:58:17,564 and you with a guitar machine 1117 00:58:17,697 --> 00:58:20,330 and you with a... 1118 00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:22,100 I don't know, with some other machine. 1119 00:58:22,168 --> 00:58:24,604 You're all just a bunch of normals, okay, 1120 00:58:24,738 --> 00:58:28,675 I'm the weird one! I am the weird one! 1121 00:58:34,414 --> 00:58:37,650 Okay. That's it. 1122 00:58:45,258 --> 00:58:48,280 You've changed, man. 1123 00:58:48,161 --> 00:58:51,231 - Fame's really gotten to you. - [mocking mumbling] 1124 00:58:51,364 --> 00:58:53,660 Wow. 1125 00:58:56,690 --> 00:58:57,671 Look, just get yourself cleaned up 1126 00:58:57,804 --> 00:58:59,606 for the show tonight, all right? 1127 00:59:03,430 --> 00:59:04,944 - You're a mess. - Yeah. 1128 00:59:10,784 --> 00:59:12,485 They seem nice. 1129 00:59:12,652 --> 00:59:13,853 Yeah, they're great. 1130 00:59:15,855 --> 00:59:18,792 - Al? - Oh, what do you want? 1131 00:59:18,958 --> 00:59:20,960 Can I talk to you for a minute? 1132 00:59:23,530 --> 00:59:24,631 Privately? 1133 00:59:24,764 --> 00:59:25,999 Look, anything you wanna say to me, 1134 00:59:26,166 --> 00:59:28,635 you can say in front of my girlfriend. 1135 00:59:29,903 --> 00:59:32,772 [sighs] Okay, fine. 1136 00:59:32,906 --> 00:59:34,541 I think Madonna's a bad influence on you. 1137 00:59:34,674 --> 00:59:37,444 [scoffs] I think she's an evil, conniving succubus, 1138 00:59:37,577 --> 00:59:40,447 and she's only using you for her pathetic and selfish needs. 1139 00:59:40,613 --> 00:59:42,148 - What? - No offense. 1140 00:59:42,282 --> 00:59:46,419 She only wants you for that sweet, sweet Yankovic Bump. 1141 00:59:46,553 --> 00:59:48,880 She knows her record sales 1142 00:59:48,221 --> 00:59:50,256 will go through the roof if you parody her. 1143 00:59:50,390 --> 00:59:52,158 How dare you. 1144 00:59:52,292 --> 00:59:56,529 This woman is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. 1145 00:59:56,663 --> 01:00:00,533 And besides, I already told her I'm not doing any more, um... 1146 01:00:00,667 --> 01:00:03,403 Any more... The thing you said. 1147 01:00:03,536 --> 01:00:05,171 - Song parodies. - Song parodies! 1148 01:00:05,338 --> 01:00:06,873 You're so drunk right now, 1149 01:00:07,700 --> 01:00:09,109 I bet you couldn't even give her that Yankovic Bump. 1150 01:00:09,242 --> 01:00:10,810 That's not true! 1151 01:00:10,944 --> 01:00:12,912 That's not true, I'll come up with that song parody right now. 1152 01:00:13,460 --> 01:00:16,383 Instead of "Like a Virgin," it'll be "Like a..." 1153 01:00:16,516 --> 01:00:17,884 Like a... 1154 01:00:19,686 --> 01:00:21,121 Like a... 1155 01:00:21,254 --> 01:00:23,223 Shut up, it's impossible! Nothing rhymes with virgin. 1156 01:00:23,356 --> 01:00:25,525 Al, listen. 1157 01:00:25,658 --> 01:00:27,930 You gotta take care of yourself. 1158 01:00:27,227 --> 01:00:29,290 When she's done with you, she's gonna drop you 1159 01:00:29,162 --> 01:00:30,797 like a sack of spoiled cabbage. 1160 01:00:30,930 --> 01:00:33,299 No, no, shut up, shut up! You're not my dad. 1161 01:00:33,433 --> 01:00:36,936 You think you're my dad, but you are not my dad. 1162 01:00:40,106 --> 01:00:42,275 [Madonna] Baby? Baby, where are you going? 1163 01:00:42,442 --> 01:00:44,711 I'm goin' for a drive to clear my mind, on my own. 1164 01:00:44,844 --> 01:00:48,715 No, no, no, no, no. You cannot go. 1165 01:00:50,717 --> 01:00:52,318 Without your car keys. 1166 01:00:52,452 --> 01:00:55,922 [exhales] Thank you so much. 1167 01:01:10,704 --> 01:01:12,272 [radio DJ] Well, we can't wait. 1168 01:01:12,405 --> 01:01:14,774 Weird Al hits the stage at Joe Robbie Stadium 1169 01:01:14,908 --> 01:01:16,676 tonight at eight o'clock, 1170 01:01:16,810 --> 01:01:18,511 and it's gonna be off the chain. 1171 01:01:18,645 --> 01:01:20,460 One for the history-- 1172 01:01:20,180 --> 01:01:22,415 - ♪ Just eat it, eat it ♪ - [grunts] 1173 01:01:22,582 --> 01:01:25,452 ♪ Another one rides the bus... ♪ 1174 01:01:25,585 --> 01:01:27,620 ♪ M-M-M-My bologna... ♪ 1175 01:01:27,787 --> 01:01:29,289 [groaning] 1176 01:01:29,422 --> 01:01:31,910 ♪ Have another triple scoop With me... ♪ 1177 01:01:31,224 --> 01:01:33,159 [radio DJ] Well, that was multi-platinum recording artist 1178 01:01:33,293 --> 01:01:35,662 "Weird Al" Yankovic with I Love Rocky Road, 1179 01:01:35,795 --> 01:01:39,566 and my god, have you ever seen a more durable pop artist? 1180 01:01:39,699 --> 01:01:41,340 Anything you throw at this guy, 1181 01:01:41,201 --> 01:01:43,470 he just seems capable of surviving it. 1182 01:01:43,603 --> 01:01:46,272 I'll bet he could land a plane into a volcano 1183 01:01:46,406 --> 01:01:49,900 - and still come out-- - [horn blaring] 1184 01:01:49,142 --> 01:01:52,145 [car crashing] 1185 01:01:52,278 --> 01:01:56,160 [overlapping chatter] 1186 01:01:59,319 --> 01:02:02,789 [monitor flatlining] 1187 01:02:05,759 --> 01:02:07,293 Dammit. 1188 01:02:09,496 --> 01:02:11,831 All right, nurse, let's call it. 1189 01:02:13,533 --> 01:02:15,502 Time of death: 7:30-- 1190 01:02:15,635 --> 01:02:18,438 [screaming] 1191 01:02:18,571 --> 01:02:19,939 [panting] 1192 01:02:20,730 --> 01:02:21,541 Quick! 1193 01:02:21,675 --> 01:02:23,476 I need some paper and a number two pencil. 1194 01:02:23,610 --> 01:02:25,780 Here you go, baby. 1195 01:02:25,211 --> 01:02:27,470 Excuse me, miss, he's in no condition to be doing-- 1196 01:02:27,180 --> 01:02:30,817 Look, there's no time, okay? He's got a show in 30 minutes. 1197 01:02:30,950 --> 01:02:33,586 - All right. - ["Like a Surgeon" plays] 1198 01:02:33,753 --> 01:02:35,989 Better give me all your gauze, nurse. 1199 01:02:37,791 --> 01:02:39,325 [audience cheering] 1200 01:02:39,459 --> 01:02:42,729 ♪ I finally made it through Med school ♪ 1201 01:02:42,862 --> 01:02:47,534 ♪ Somehow I made it through ♪ 1202 01:02:47,667 --> 01:02:48,968 ♪ I'm just an intern ♪ 1203 01:02:49,102 --> 01:02:53,273 ♪ I still make a mistake Or two ♪ 1204 01:02:54,641 --> 01:02:58,144 ♪ I was last in my class ♪ 1205 01:02:58,278 --> 01:03:01,815 ♪ Barely passed At the institute ♪ 1206 01:03:01,948 --> 01:03:05,885 ♪ Now I'm trying to avoid ♪ 1207 01:03:06,190 --> 01:03:09,356 ♪ Yeah, I'm trying to avoid ♪ 1208 01:03:09,489 --> 01:03:11,991 ♪ A malpractice suit ♪ 1209 01:03:13,693 --> 01:03:16,796 ♪ Like a surgeon, hey! ♪ 1210 01:03:16,930 --> 01:03:20,133 ♪ Cuttin' For the very first time ♪ 1211 01:03:20,266 --> 01:03:21,167 Yes! 1212 01:03:21,301 --> 01:03:24,804 ♪ Like a surgeon ♪ 1213 01:03:24,938 --> 01:03:29,509 ♪ Here's a waiver For you to sign ♪ 1214 01:03:29,642 --> 01:03:33,680 [monitor beeping] 1215 01:03:35,882 --> 01:03:39,552 This is all for you, babe. I love you so much. 1216 01:03:40,453 --> 01:03:41,821 I think I should have 1217 01:03:41,955 --> 01:03:43,523 stuck around for that blood transfusion, though. 1218 01:03:43,656 --> 01:03:45,658 - I think I'm gonna pass out. - No, babe, you're killing it. 1219 01:03:45,792 --> 01:03:47,994 - Now get back out there. - Okay. 1220 01:03:51,698 --> 01:03:53,800 ♪ Like a surgeon ♪ 1221 01:03:53,933 --> 01:03:57,871 ♪ Ooh-hoo, like a surgeon ♪ 1222 01:03:58,400 --> 01:04:01,341 ♪ When I reach inside ♪ 1223 01:04:01,474 --> 01:04:05,211 ♪ With my scalpel And my forceps ♪ 1224 01:04:05,345 --> 01:04:09,983 ♪ And retractors Oh-ho-oh-oh-oh ♪ 1225 01:04:10,116 --> 01:04:15,622 - ♪ Oh-oh-oh-ho-oh-ho-oh-ho ♪ - [monitor beeping] 1226 01:04:17,857 --> 01:04:21,728 ♪ Ooh, baby, yeah ♪ 1227 01:04:21,861 --> 01:04:24,264 ♪ I can hear your heart beat ♪ 1228 01:04:25,999 --> 01:04:28,100 ♪ For the very last time ♪ 1229 01:04:28,168 --> 01:04:32,720 - [monitor flatlining] - [audience cheering] 1230 01:04:37,444 --> 01:04:41,140 Okay, babe, you have a costume change, one more song, 1231 01:04:41,147 --> 01:04:43,490 and then we can go home and sleep it off. 1232 01:04:43,183 --> 01:04:44,284 [Al] Okay. 1233 01:04:48,688 --> 01:04:49,989 No, no, no, no. 1234 01:04:50,123 --> 01:04:51,691 What-what is that? I'm not wearing that. 1235 01:04:51,858 --> 01:04:53,226 It's your Eat It jacket, babe. 1236 01:04:53,360 --> 01:04:54,527 No, not anymore, it's not. 1237 01:04:54,661 --> 01:04:56,262 That is a Michael Jackson jacket now. 1238 01:04:56,396 --> 01:04:57,897 I don't wanna see it. Get that outta my face. 1239 01:04:58,640 --> 01:04:59,666 You don't have to wear it if you don't want to. 1240 01:04:59,799 --> 01:05:03,200 Now just drink up. Yeah, that's good, yeah. 1241 01:05:03,136 --> 01:05:06,139 Little more, little more. That's the medicine. 1242 01:05:06,306 --> 01:05:07,674 [audience cheering] 1243 01:05:07,807 --> 01:05:10,143 ["Eat It" playing] 1244 01:05:31,931 --> 01:05:33,700 [music fades out] 1245 01:05:33,833 --> 01:05:36,302 [audience booing] 1246 01:05:39,606 --> 01:05:44,210 Boo, boo, boo, boo! 1247 01:05:44,344 --> 01:05:49,490 Yeah, that's what you sound like. Boo! 1248 01:05:49,182 --> 01:05:52,519 Oh, what? You want, do you wanna hear Eat It? 1249 01:05:52,686 --> 01:05:53,853 - [audience cheering] - Do you? 1250 01:05:53,987 --> 01:05:57,230 Okay, here goes. [blows raspberry] 1251 01:05:57,157 --> 01:06:00,930 [audience booing] 1252 01:06:02,495 --> 01:06:05,699 You're all a bunch of slaves! 1253 01:06:05,832 --> 01:06:07,300 - You're morons. - [audience booing] 1254 01:06:07,434 --> 01:06:09,836 Idiots! 1255 01:06:09,969 --> 01:06:13,106 Oh, what, what, you paid good money to see a show? 1256 01:06:13,273 --> 01:06:17,110 You worked your little butts off at some dangerous factory? 1257 01:06:17,243 --> 01:06:21,348 God only knows what they make there! 1258 01:06:21,481 --> 01:06:23,650 No one will tell you that. 1259 01:06:25,819 --> 01:06:27,854 [guitar strumming gently] 1260 01:06:27,987 --> 01:06:31,224 What do they make in the factory? 1261 01:06:31,358 --> 01:06:33,193 What do they make? 1262 01:06:35,195 --> 01:06:38,832 Do you like getting pushed around? 1263 01:06:38,965 --> 01:06:41,401 You like letting everybody push you around? 1264 01:06:41,534 --> 01:06:46,720 Yeah, I think you do. I think you like it. 1265 01:06:46,206 --> 01:06:49,542 You like letting your dad push you around? 1266 01:06:49,676 --> 01:06:51,440 [audience] No! 1267 01:06:51,177 --> 01:06:53,847 You like letting Michael Jackson push you around? 1268 01:06:53,980 --> 01:06:57,684 - [audience] No! - [psychedelic rock music] 1269 01:06:57,817 --> 01:07:01,354 Well, what are you gonna do about it? 1270 01:07:01,488 --> 01:07:03,790 What are you gonna do about it? 1271 01:07:03,923 --> 01:07:07,861 - [audience cheering] - What are you gonna do? 1272 01:07:11,310 --> 01:07:14,534 So... you wanna see it? 1273 01:07:14,667 --> 01:07:18,238 - [audience cheering] - [chuckles] 1274 01:07:18,371 --> 01:07:20,573 Do you want me to show it to you? 1275 01:07:20,707 --> 01:07:23,309 [audience cheering] 1276 01:07:23,476 --> 01:07:25,378 I'm gonna whip it out! 1277 01:07:25,545 --> 01:07:27,781 [audience cheering] 1278 01:07:27,914 --> 01:07:29,916 You don't think I'll do it, do you? 1279 01:07:30,500 --> 01:07:33,119 I haven't whipped it out yet but I'm gonna do it for you, 1280 01:07:33,253 --> 01:07:36,589 but only if you really want me to. 1281 01:07:36,723 --> 01:07:39,292 [audience cheering] 1282 01:07:39,426 --> 01:07:41,961 Okay, here goes! 1283 01:07:43,596 --> 01:07:45,265 Yeah! 1284 01:07:45,398 --> 01:07:46,933 [crowd cheering] 1285 01:07:47,100 --> 01:07:50,700 - [psychedelic rock music] - [Al] Get off me! Get off me! 1286 01:07:54,374 --> 01:07:56,376 [reporter] We're sorry to interrupt 1287 01:07:56,509 --> 01:07:58,678 the President's address, but we have breaking news. 1288 01:07:58,812 --> 01:08:01,548 Parody songsmith "Weird Al" Yankovic 1289 01:08:01,681 --> 01:08:03,116 was arrested earlier tonight 1290 01:08:03,249 --> 01:08:06,152 in Miami-Dade County for lewd behavior. 1291 01:08:06,286 --> 01:08:08,988 [crowd yelling] 1292 01:08:12,192 --> 01:08:14,127 [Madonna] Okay. Here's my thought. 1293 01:08:14,260 --> 01:08:16,563 I think this is a really great idea, I hope you like it. 1294 01:08:16,696 --> 01:08:18,298 We team up, right? 1295 01:08:18,431 --> 01:08:20,734 I'll write all the, you know, good songs, the real ones, 1296 01:08:20,867 --> 01:08:23,269 and then you parody them every time. 1297 01:08:23,403 --> 01:08:25,605 Bam, bam. It's perfect. 1298 01:08:27,240 --> 01:08:28,641 Sounds great. 1299 01:08:28,775 --> 01:08:30,760 It's foolproof, we'll be unstoppable. 1300 01:08:30,210 --> 01:08:31,544 We'll be the hottest power couple 1301 01:08:31,678 --> 01:08:33,213 in the entire music industry. 1302 01:08:33,346 --> 01:08:35,115 What would our power couple name be? 1303 01:08:35,248 --> 01:08:39,519 I'm thinking Madankovic or Madonnavic 1304 01:08:39,686 --> 01:08:43,857 or maybe just Madonna. 1305 01:08:43,990 --> 01:08:46,159 There'll be plenty of time to figure all of that out. 1306 01:08:46,292 --> 01:08:48,361 But can you imagine the world tour? 1307 01:08:48,495 --> 01:08:52,899 Madonna... with Weird Al. 1308 01:08:53,660 --> 01:08:56,636 All that money? I just got the tingles. 1309 01:08:59,172 --> 01:09:02,800 But I mean, you're okay with all of this, right? 1310 01:09:02,876 --> 01:09:04,611 Look, babe, I'm-- 1311 01:09:06,460 --> 01:09:10,817 I'm seriously okay with anything you wanna do. 1312 01:09:10,950 --> 01:09:14,754 I mean, look at me. I'm a train wreck. 1313 01:09:14,888 --> 01:09:17,691 I'm barely holding it together. 1314 01:09:17,857 --> 01:09:20,527 My parents wrote me off. 1315 01:09:20,660 --> 01:09:24,664 I pushed away my band, Dr. Demento, 1316 01:09:24,798 --> 01:09:27,267 everyone who was important to me. 1317 01:09:29,669 --> 01:09:31,805 You're all I got. 1318 01:09:31,938 --> 01:09:35,750 You are literally the only thing I have left in the world, 1319 01:09:35,208 --> 01:09:39,779 and if anything happened to you, I don't know what I would do. 1320 01:09:39,913 --> 01:09:41,614 [muffled screaming] 1321 01:09:41,748 --> 01:09:44,718 No, no! No! 1322 01:09:44,851 --> 01:09:47,870 Relax, Mr. Yankovic. 1323 01:09:47,220 --> 01:09:48,888 We only wanna borrow your girlfriend. 1324 01:09:49,220 --> 01:09:51,858 Just stay calm and nothing will happen to you. 1325 01:09:51,991 --> 01:09:54,994 Please, sir, please. Whatever you do-- 1326 01:09:55,128 --> 01:09:56,930 [gun firing] 1327 01:09:57,970 --> 01:09:58,531 [thug screaming] 1328 01:09:58,665 --> 01:10:00,266 Don't hurt me. 1329 01:10:01,301 --> 01:10:02,502 [grunts] 1330 01:10:02,635 --> 01:10:04,671 - Help me! - Madonna! 1331 01:10:04,804 --> 01:10:08,408 [thugs screaming] 1332 01:10:08,541 --> 01:10:11,770 - [Al] Hiya! - [table breaks] 1333 01:10:11,211 --> 01:10:13,313 [grunting] 1334 01:10:19,919 --> 01:10:22,155 [electricity sparking] 1335 01:10:22,288 --> 01:10:23,723 [thug growling] 1336 01:10:23,890 --> 01:10:26,593 [dish breaking] 1337 01:10:26,726 --> 01:10:30,163 [yelling] 1338 01:10:30,296 --> 01:10:32,665 [towel snapping] 1339 01:10:32,799 --> 01:10:35,680 [grunting] 1340 01:10:44,811 --> 01:10:47,213 [pan clanging] 1341 01:10:54,721 --> 01:10:57,957 - [sizzling] - Die, die! 1342 01:11:00,260 --> 01:11:02,762 - [bell dinging] - Order up. 1343 01:11:04,531 --> 01:11:07,300 Pablo Escobar sends his regards! 1344 01:11:07,434 --> 01:11:10,937 [tires screeching] 1345 01:11:14,374 --> 01:11:18,611 Pablo Escobar, you just made the biggest mistake of your life. 1346 01:11:18,745 --> 01:11:21,648 [breathes deeply] 1347 01:11:28,210 --> 01:11:29,622 Getting eaten alive out here! 1348 01:11:31,324 --> 01:11:32,726 Got a smoke? 1349 01:11:33,727 --> 01:11:35,295 Yeah. 1350 01:11:35,428 --> 01:11:36,730 Here you go. 1351 01:11:40,433 --> 01:11:41,368 [high-pitched whistling] 1352 01:11:41,501 --> 01:11:42,702 You hear that? 1353 01:11:42,836 --> 01:11:45,338 Yeah. I think it came from over there. 1354 01:12:00,553 --> 01:12:01,855 Over there! 1355 01:12:06,626 --> 01:12:07,794 We got him. 1356 01:12:16,736 --> 01:12:17,837 Wait a second. 1357 01:12:20,940 --> 01:12:22,208 This isn't a man. 1358 01:12:23,777 --> 01:12:25,879 It's a hay boy! 1359 01:12:26,120 --> 01:12:27,714 - [guard grunting] - [gun firing] 1360 01:12:27,847 --> 01:12:29,349 [neck snapping] 1361 01:12:31,885 --> 01:12:33,586 [gun cocking] 1362 01:12:35,121 --> 01:12:36,823 This'll do. 1363 01:12:36,956 --> 01:12:39,926 [Mariachi music playing] 1364 01:12:51,638 --> 01:12:54,700 So, then I'm stomping on him and stomping him with my boots, 1365 01:12:54,140 --> 01:12:55,775 and he's calling for his mom and I'm like, 1366 01:12:55,909 --> 01:12:57,911 "Stop being so extra." You know, it's like-- 1367 01:12:58,440 --> 01:13:00,547 [gasping] Oh, my goodness! 1368 01:13:00,680 --> 01:13:02,115 Ha-ha! That better not be vanilla. 1369 01:13:02,248 --> 01:13:03,483 Who was it? 1370 01:13:03,650 --> 01:13:06,520 - No, who was it? - [Al] Escobar! 1371 01:13:06,186 --> 01:13:09,890 Oh, Mr. Yankovic. 1372 01:13:09,222 --> 01:13:12,292 We've been expecting you. Welcome, welcome. 1373 01:13:12,425 --> 01:13:16,696 As you know, I am a huge, huge fan of your music. 1374 01:13:16,830 --> 01:13:20,100 I got all of your albums through the Columbia House Record Club. 1375 01:13:20,233 --> 01:13:23,636 Twelve for one penny, you guys. Really great deal. 1376 01:13:23,770 --> 01:13:25,710 Really great deal. 1377 01:13:25,205 --> 01:13:28,942 Anyway, I--Oops. I hope you will forgive me 1378 01:13:29,750 --> 01:13:31,110 for kidnapping your lovely girlfriend. 1379 01:13:31,144 --> 01:13:33,646 It just seemed like that was the only way 1380 01:13:33,780 --> 01:13:37,830 to guarantee that you would come to my birthday party. 1381 01:13:37,217 --> 01:13:38,952 Your agent, oy, 1382 01:13:39,850 --> 01:13:40,653 a real nightmare to deal with, if I'm gonna be honest. 1383 01:13:40,820 --> 01:13:42,355 Real vicious guy. 1384 01:13:42,489 --> 01:13:44,557 You know, I'm sorry. Let me turn down the music, please. 1385 01:13:44,691 --> 01:13:46,159 Just a little annoying, yeah. 1386 01:13:46,292 --> 01:13:47,560 [gun firing] 1387 01:13:47,694 --> 01:13:50,630 [Mariachi band shouting] 1388 01:13:52,198 --> 01:13:54,601 [laughs] I can hear myself think now. 1389 01:13:54,734 --> 01:13:56,870 It's so noisy up in there. Aah, the voices. [chuckles] 1390 01:13:57,300 --> 01:13:59,506 Oh. Oh, where are my manners? 1391 01:13:59,639 --> 01:14:01,341 We were just about to cut the cake. 1392 01:14:01,474 --> 01:14:02,776 May I offer you a slice? 1393 01:14:02,909 --> 01:14:04,310 Let's get him a slice, please. 1394 01:14:04,477 --> 01:14:06,112 No. No cake. 1395 01:14:06,246 --> 01:14:08,848 Okay, Mr. Diet. [laughing] 1396 01:14:08,982 --> 01:14:10,183 More for us, am I right? 1397 01:14:10,316 --> 01:14:13,353 I just want my woman, then I'll go. 1398 01:14:14,788 --> 01:14:18,391 Ah, you want your woman. Okay. 1399 01:14:18,525 --> 01:14:23,960 [sniffs] I'm afraid that's not how it works, Mr. Yankovic. 1400 01:14:23,229 --> 01:14:26,990 You see, you can't leave until you perform for me. 1401 01:14:26,232 --> 01:14:28,101 - Do you understand me? - No dice. 1402 01:14:28,268 --> 01:14:30,704 Not gonna happen. I'm not your monkey. 1403 01:14:30,837 --> 01:14:32,380 I can do Borderline. 1404 01:14:32,172 --> 01:14:34,641 No, I don't want that. I want him. 1405 01:14:34,774 --> 01:14:37,944 Mr. Yankovic, why-why all the drama? 1406 01:14:38,780 --> 01:14:40,460 I mean, you're already here. 1407 01:14:40,180 --> 01:14:43,616 Just perform one measly song for us and then you guys can leave. 1408 01:14:43,750 --> 01:14:46,886 Come on, just one song, no? 1409 01:14:47,200 --> 01:14:49,622 How about that wonderful 1410 01:14:49,789 --> 01:14:52,325 Michael Jackson parody that you did, huh? 1411 01:14:53,560 --> 01:14:56,629 That's not a parody! 1412 01:14:56,763 --> 01:15:02,680 - [indistinct shouting] - [screams] 1413 01:15:02,235 --> 01:15:04,904 [guns firing] 1414 01:15:23,230 --> 01:15:27,600 Stop! Stop! It's my birthday! Stop it! Stop it! 1415 01:15:29,462 --> 01:15:32,165 Well, first off, rude. Okay? 1416 01:15:32,298 --> 01:15:34,000 And second of all, if you really, 1417 01:15:34,167 --> 01:15:36,569 really don't wanna entertain us, then fine. 1418 01:15:36,703 --> 01:15:38,304 You can just leave. 1419 01:15:40,106 --> 01:15:43,643 Wait, so, so we can just go? 1420 01:15:43,777 --> 01:15:46,746 Yeah, you can go whenever you want. 1421 01:15:47,447 --> 01:15:49,182 Psych! 1422 01:15:49,315 --> 01:15:51,117 No! 1423 01:15:51,918 --> 01:15:54,654 [Madonna crying] 1424 01:15:55,689 --> 01:15:57,290 Very unfortunate. 1425 01:15:57,424 --> 01:16:01,461 He was like a God among men, and now just worm food. 1426 01:16:01,594 --> 01:16:03,163 Tsk, tsk, tsk. 1427 01:16:03,296 --> 01:16:06,366 Anyway, back to the party. Should we cut the cake or...? 1428 01:16:06,499 --> 01:16:08,668 [Al grunts] 1429 01:16:08,802 --> 01:16:12,339 Hey, Pablo, you forgot one thing. 1430 01:16:14,140 --> 01:16:15,975 I'm certified platinum. 1431 01:16:18,945 --> 01:16:20,380 Hey, Escobar. 1432 01:16:21,414 --> 01:16:22,749 Eat it. 1433 01:16:22,882 --> 01:16:25,850 [groaning] 1434 01:16:30,990 --> 01:16:33,593 Okay, let's get outta here. 1435 01:16:33,727 --> 01:16:36,763 [groaning] 1436 01:16:36,896 --> 01:16:39,265 I just gotta get this medallion. 1437 01:16:39,399 --> 01:16:44,204 Okay. [grunts] Oh, it's in there. Ah. 1438 01:16:44,371 --> 01:16:47,941 Oh, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross! 1439 01:16:52,145 --> 01:16:53,680 You just killed Pablo Escobar! 1440 01:16:53,813 --> 01:16:56,616 I know! I've killed so many people this week. 1441 01:16:56,750 --> 01:17:00,353 Before last Thursday, I never really killed anyone. 1442 01:17:00,487 --> 01:17:04,357 The things we do for love, huh? Okay, come on. We gotta go. 1443 01:17:04,491 --> 01:17:08,328 Well, now, wait, wait, wait, hear me out here. 1444 01:17:08,461 --> 01:17:12,465 With Escobar out of the picture, maybe... 1445 01:17:12,599 --> 01:17:14,300 maybe we can run the drug cartel. 1446 01:17:14,434 --> 01:17:15,769 Wait, what? 1447 01:17:15,902 --> 01:17:17,837 Supply and demand, baby. 1448 01:17:17,971 --> 01:17:20,540 Look, someone's gotta run the cartel. 1449 01:17:20,674 --> 01:17:22,342 May as well be me. Us. 1450 01:17:22,509 --> 01:17:25,245 You can't be serious. What about all our plans? 1451 01:17:25,378 --> 01:17:27,614 Writing songs together, touring together. 1452 01:17:27,747 --> 01:17:30,717 Why rule the music industry when you can rule the world? 1453 01:17:30,850 --> 01:17:33,753 All the money and power is right here. 1454 01:17:33,887 --> 01:17:36,156 Madonna, that's... 1455 01:17:36,289 --> 01:17:38,580 No. No way. 1456 01:17:38,191 --> 01:17:42,228 My life is in America, and my family would never forgive me 1457 01:17:42,362 --> 01:17:44,364 if I became involved in a drug cartel. 1458 01:17:44,497 --> 01:17:47,367 Well, your family's already disowned you, Al. 1459 01:17:47,500 --> 01:17:50,637 I'm all you've got, remember? 1460 01:17:50,770 --> 01:17:53,390 And we'll still be together. 1461 01:17:53,173 --> 01:17:55,909 I'll be the head of the cartel, 1462 01:17:56,420 --> 01:17:57,944 and you can be my number two. 1463 01:17:59,713 --> 01:18:00,947 Your number two. 1464 01:18:03,350 --> 01:18:07,554 I can't believe this. Dr. Demento was right. 1465 01:18:07,721 --> 01:18:09,222 You were just using me 1466 01:18:09,356 --> 01:18:11,257 to further your own career, weren't you? 1467 01:18:13,526 --> 01:18:16,596 Well... yeah. 1468 01:18:18,640 --> 01:18:21,670 My relationship with you was a business decision... 1469 01:18:21,234 --> 01:18:22,769 and so is this. 1470 01:18:22,902 --> 01:18:25,772 It's all just business. 1471 01:18:28,475 --> 01:18:29,676 Wow. 1472 01:18:31,811 --> 01:18:35,148 Well, okay, then. 1473 01:18:36,916 --> 01:18:39,686 I guess--I guess that's it. 1474 01:18:45,225 --> 01:18:46,760 Have a nice life. 1475 01:18:55,201 --> 01:18:56,236 Whoa! 1476 01:18:57,904 --> 01:19:01,508 I can't let you leave, Al. You know too much. 1477 01:19:01,641 --> 01:19:03,209 What are you talking about? 1478 01:19:04,678 --> 01:19:06,846 Stop that! 1479 01:19:06,980 --> 01:19:10,150 We could have made such a beautiful team, 1480 01:19:10,283 --> 01:19:11,785 and you know what? 1481 01:19:11,918 --> 01:19:14,120 I decided I do like Weirdonna better than Madonnavic. 1482 01:19:15,822 --> 01:19:18,124 But that's all over now. 1483 01:19:18,258 --> 01:19:21,861 Our partnership is officially dissolved. 1484 01:19:24,731 --> 01:19:26,299 Goodbye, Madonna. 1485 01:19:32,439 --> 01:19:34,607 [crying] 1486 01:19:45,510 --> 01:19:48,488 [Al] Yeah. I had a lot of soul-searching to do. 1487 01:19:48,621 --> 01:19:52,158 Was I a parody singer? An original artist? 1488 01:19:52,292 --> 01:19:54,894 The most dangerous assassin in the world? 1489 01:19:55,610 --> 01:19:57,163 Maybe I had lost my way. 1490 01:19:57,297 --> 01:19:58,865 Don't get me wrong, there were things 1491 01:19:58,998 --> 01:20:01,167 I loved about being Weird Al. 1492 01:20:01,301 --> 01:20:02,969 The fame, the money, 1493 01:20:03,103 --> 01:20:05,772 the fancy dinners, joining the Illuminati, 1494 01:20:05,905 --> 01:20:08,408 going to the Illuminati holiday party, 1495 01:20:08,541 --> 01:20:12,450 learning the truth about the moon landing and JFK. 1496 01:20:12,178 --> 01:20:15,882 But without my family, none of that mattered. 1497 01:20:16,160 --> 01:20:18,218 I knew what I had to do. 1498 01:20:27,627 --> 01:20:29,362 [clock rings] 1499 01:20:33,700 --> 01:20:35,869 There it is, pretty simple. 1500 01:20:37,570 --> 01:20:41,841 When the light turns green, you turn this crank to the left. 1501 01:20:41,975 --> 01:20:46,146 When it turns red, you stop and pull this lever down. 1502 01:20:46,279 --> 01:20:49,249 When it turns green again, you push this lever up 1503 01:20:49,382 --> 01:20:53,190 and turn this crank back to the right. 1504 01:20:53,153 --> 01:20:56,790 Yep, that's about it. Lunch is at 12:30. 1505 01:20:58,425 --> 01:21:00,600 Hey, can I ask you a question? 1506 01:21:01,940 --> 01:21:02,295 Sure. 1507 01:21:03,730 --> 01:21:06,666 What do we make here? 1508 01:21:06,800 --> 01:21:11,171 [laughs] Your old man said you was funny. 1509 01:21:11,337 --> 01:21:14,574 That's a good one. "What do we make here?" 1510 01:21:14,708 --> 01:21:16,643 [laughs] 1511 01:21:22,449 --> 01:21:23,850 [dings] 1512 01:21:24,718 --> 01:21:27,387 [crank squeaking] 1513 01:21:27,520 --> 01:21:31,257 [workers shouting indistinctly] 1514 01:21:32,392 --> 01:21:33,626 [dings] 1515 01:21:44,337 --> 01:21:47,507 [worker screaming] Somebody help! My leg! 1516 01:21:47,640 --> 01:21:48,908 Oh, uh... 1517 01:21:49,420 --> 01:21:53,179 [worker] It's burning me! Oh, my leg! 1518 01:21:53,313 --> 01:21:56,716 Ahh! Ahh! It burns! 1519 01:21:59,850 --> 01:22:00,487 Hey. 1520 01:22:00,620 --> 01:22:02,655 [woman over PA] Cleanup crew to machine room. 1521 01:22:02,822 --> 01:22:04,591 You got a minute? 1522 01:22:04,724 --> 01:22:07,260 Well, what? 1523 01:22:09,295 --> 01:22:11,831 You want to take a swing, old man? 1524 01:22:15,135 --> 01:22:16,336 No. 1525 01:22:18,571 --> 01:22:23,343 Just... what are you doing here? 1526 01:22:23,510 --> 01:22:26,713 What am I doing here? Really? 1527 01:22:28,181 --> 01:22:30,950 All my life, all I wanted to do is please you, 1528 01:22:31,840 --> 01:22:32,819 but I was never enough. 1529 01:22:32,952 --> 01:22:35,922 You were always disappointed in your "weird" son. 1530 01:22:36,560 --> 01:22:39,325 So yeah, I gave up the most successful career 1531 01:22:39,459 --> 01:22:42,529 in music history to come work at this miserable factory 1532 01:22:42,662 --> 01:22:44,164 because it's what you've always wanted 1533 01:22:44,297 --> 01:22:46,566 and what, it is still not enough for you? 1534 01:22:46,700 --> 01:22:48,334 I appreciate what you're doing. 1535 01:22:49,636 --> 01:22:51,871 This isn't the life for you. 1536 01:22:52,500 --> 01:22:54,607 Oh, what? So I'm not even good at turning cranks now. 1537 01:22:54,741 --> 01:22:56,209 No, Alfred, that's not what I'm saying. 1538 01:22:56,343 --> 01:22:58,780 What are you saying, then? 1539 01:23:03,717 --> 01:23:06,190 I was wrong to stand in your way. 1540 01:23:08,488 --> 01:23:11,570 This isn't what you were meant for. 1541 01:23:12,692 --> 01:23:14,600 You're special. 1542 01:23:15,295 --> 01:23:19,666 You're Weird Al, and you're my son. 1543 01:23:22,369 --> 01:23:23,770 And I'm, uh... 1544 01:23:24,938 --> 01:23:26,606 I'm proud of you. 1545 01:23:33,847 --> 01:23:35,615 What are you doing? 1546 01:23:37,417 --> 01:23:39,190 [Nick chuckling] 1547 01:23:40,754 --> 01:23:41,654 Dad! 1548 01:23:41,821 --> 01:23:44,724 [laughing] 1549 01:23:48,361 --> 01:23:51,664 ♪ Jingle bells, Batman smells Robin laid an egg ♪ 1550 01:23:51,798 --> 01:23:56,102 ♪ The Batmobile lost a wheel And the Joker ran away, hey! ♪ 1551 01:23:56,269 --> 01:23:57,337 [laughing] 1552 01:23:57,470 --> 01:23:58,772 Yeah, that's an absolute classic. 1553 01:23:58,905 --> 01:24:01,508 [laughs] Whew. 1554 01:24:01,641 --> 01:24:04,310 Well, so Mom tells me you're dating that singer Madonna. 1555 01:24:04,477 --> 01:24:07,814 Oh, um, no, we-we broke up. 1556 01:24:07,947 --> 01:24:10,850 Oh, I'm sorry, honey. What happened? 1557 01:24:10,984 --> 01:24:13,253 Yeah. It's-it's complicated. 1558 01:24:13,386 --> 01:24:16,156 Well, don't worry. There's plenty of other fish in the sea. 1559 01:24:16,289 --> 01:24:19,993 So, so, what is it like? What's it like being you? 1560 01:24:20,126 --> 01:24:23,430 You know, world-famous superstar and all? 1561 01:24:23,563 --> 01:24:30,570 Well, um, it's-it's fun, but it's also a lot of pressure. 1562 01:24:30,704 --> 01:24:34,107 The hardest part for me is just coming up with new songs. 1563 01:24:34,240 --> 01:24:37,510 I-I never know where my next idea's gonna come from. 1564 01:24:37,644 --> 01:24:40,947 And yeah, I-I honestly, I don't know if I have it in me anymore. 1565 01:24:41,810 --> 01:24:44,500 Oh, nonsense. I'm sure that next big idea 1566 01:24:44,184 --> 01:24:46,720 is just right there in front of you. 1567 01:24:50,223 --> 01:24:52,859 Well, you may have noticed I've put on a little weight. 1568 01:24:53,260 --> 01:24:54,494 Don't be silly, Ma. You look great. 1569 01:24:54,627 --> 01:24:55,829 You do, dear. I think you look 1570 01:24:55,995 --> 01:24:57,564 wonderful with a few extra pounds. 1571 01:24:57,697 --> 01:24:59,299 I think you're pleasingly plump. 1572 01:24:59,432 --> 01:25:02,335 Oh, Nick. You know I'm fat. 1573 01:25:02,469 --> 01:25:04,571 I'm fat, you know it. 1574 01:25:09,750 --> 01:25:10,243 What? 1575 01:25:10,410 --> 01:25:11,611 Wow. 1576 01:25:11,745 --> 01:25:13,646 Dad, can I ask you something? 1577 01:25:15,382 --> 01:25:19,285 Mom told me growing up, you always had your reasons 1578 01:25:19,419 --> 01:25:21,321 for being so hard on me. 1579 01:25:25,580 --> 01:25:27,930 I think it's time, dear. 1580 01:25:30,196 --> 01:25:31,664 All right. 1581 01:25:45,145 --> 01:25:49,182 Oh, whoa. 1582 01:25:49,315 --> 01:25:53,386 I wrote it all down. This should explain everything. 1583 01:25:53,520 --> 01:25:57,123 Okay, do you have maybe a-a photo album 1584 01:25:57,257 --> 01:25:59,325 or we can just go through the bullet points together? 1585 01:25:59,459 --> 01:26:02,595 I don't have a photo album, but I have a sketchbook. 1586 01:26:02,729 --> 01:26:04,330 A sketchbook? 1587 01:26:06,633 --> 01:26:10,103 You see, we didn't have any cameras 1588 01:26:10,270 --> 01:26:13,940 when I was growing up because... 1589 01:26:16,609 --> 01:26:18,845 I was raised Amish. 1590 01:26:19,779 --> 01:26:21,348 What, really? 1591 01:26:21,481 --> 01:26:25,218 [Nick] Yep. I grew up Amish. 1592 01:26:25,352 --> 01:26:28,880 Lived in the community for the first 16 years of my life. 1593 01:26:28,221 --> 01:26:31,324 And frankly, I don't think I ever really fit in 1594 01:26:31,458 --> 01:26:34,600 because, well, if I'm being honest, 1595 01:26:34,194 --> 01:26:38,565 I was just as weird as you when I was a kid. 1596 01:26:38,698 --> 01:26:41,670 Yeah, I even made up new words to the hymns 1597 01:26:41,234 --> 01:26:43,236 that we sang during church service. 1598 01:26:43,370 --> 01:26:45,705 - That didn't go over too well. - [gasps] 1599 01:26:45,839 --> 01:26:47,741 [thunder rumbling] 1600 01:26:47,874 --> 01:26:50,276 [man] That boy will never learn. 1601 01:26:50,410 --> 01:26:51,978 [Nick] And then when I was a few years older, 1602 01:26:52,112 --> 01:26:54,180 I was able to go on rumspringa. 1603 01:26:54,314 --> 01:26:57,170 I finally had a chance to go out into the great big world 1604 01:26:57,150 --> 01:27:00,854 and see what it had to offer. 1605 01:27:00,987 --> 01:27:03,523 And that's when I saw the love of my life, 1606 01:27:03,656 --> 01:27:06,693 a 1933 Excelsior, 1607 01:27:06,826 --> 01:27:10,630 the finest accordion there ever was. 1608 01:27:10,764 --> 01:27:15,135 Cost me every penny I had in the world, but it was worth it. 1609 01:27:15,301 --> 01:27:17,537 So wait-wait-wait, you had an accordion? 1610 01:27:17,670 --> 01:27:21,107 I did, I did, I did, I was pretty good at it too. 1611 01:27:21,241 --> 01:27:23,777 I was not bad. I was not bad at all. 1612 01:27:23,910 --> 01:27:25,378 I thought I was the love of your life. 1613 01:27:25,545 --> 01:27:27,514 Oh, honey, you come later, please. Anyway... 1614 01:27:27,681 --> 01:27:29,382 So, I tried for months to make it 1615 01:27:29,516 --> 01:27:30,984 as a professional musician, 1616 01:27:31,117 --> 01:27:32,819 but it just wasn't in God's plan. 1617 01:27:32,952 --> 01:27:34,421 [woman] Get outta here! 1618 01:27:34,554 --> 01:27:37,123 [Nick] Failure mocked me at every waking moment. 1619 01:27:37,257 --> 01:27:38,958 [man] Hey, there, squeeze box. 1620 01:27:39,920 --> 01:27:41,394 [Nick] I knew that I had to give up my dream 1621 01:27:41,528 --> 01:27:44,464 and go back to the only life that I'd ever known. 1622 01:27:44,597 --> 01:27:47,233 But when I tried to come back to the Amish community, 1623 01:27:47,367 --> 01:27:49,903 well, the second they saw that squeeze box, 1624 01:27:50,360 --> 01:27:52,772 I was immediately excommunicated, 1625 01:27:52,906 --> 01:27:54,874 banished forever. 1626 01:27:55,800 --> 01:27:57,770 My whole world was torn away from me. 1627 01:27:57,210 --> 01:27:59,145 All I knew was I never wanted to see 1628 01:27:59,279 --> 01:28:03,830 another accordion again, for as long as I lived. 1629 01:28:03,216 --> 01:28:05,518 So I got a job at the factory, 1630 01:28:05,652 --> 01:28:09,356 a place where I knew you could get an honest day's wages 1631 01:28:09,489 --> 01:28:11,358 for an honest day's work. 1632 01:28:11,491 --> 01:28:13,293 And that's when I met... 1633 01:28:14,427 --> 01:28:16,162 the true love of my life. 1634 01:28:17,397 --> 01:28:19,320 Your mother. 1635 01:28:19,199 --> 01:28:20,567 [Al] Wow. 1636 01:28:20,700 --> 01:28:23,670 Dad, I--I never knew. 1637 01:28:25,538 --> 01:28:28,141 Of course you didn't. How could you? I just told you. 1638 01:28:28,274 --> 01:28:31,244 I just-- The whole story was about-- 1639 01:28:31,378 --> 01:28:35,782 Anyway, look, son, I hope that you can forgive me 1640 01:28:35,915 --> 01:28:37,817 and I hope you understand. 1641 01:28:39,552 --> 01:28:41,540 I lost everything 1642 01:28:41,187 --> 01:28:44,891 and I didn't want you to suffer the same sad fate. 1643 01:28:47,930 --> 01:28:49,129 I didn't want you to get your dreams crushed, 1644 01:28:49,262 --> 01:28:52,699 so I thought I should crush your ideas 1645 01:28:52,832 --> 01:28:54,968 before they could turn into dreams. 1646 01:28:58,400 --> 01:29:00,840 Yeah, that makes sense. 1647 01:29:03,430 --> 01:29:05,110 Oh. 1648 01:29:05,145 --> 01:29:07,914 Oh, that's nothing. You can just throw that thing out, that's-- 1649 01:29:08,480 --> 01:29:09,616 -"Amish Paradise?" - Nope. 1650 01:29:09,749 --> 01:29:11,840 Just tear that up in little pieces and get rid of that. 1651 01:29:11,217 --> 01:29:14,354 Wait, Dad... are these song lyrics? 1652 01:29:14,487 --> 01:29:16,222 That's just something stupid I wrote a while ago. 1653 01:29:16,356 --> 01:29:17,957 It doesn't matter. You can just-- 1654 01:29:18,910 --> 01:29:20,727 No, no, no, Dad, these lyrics... 1655 01:29:22,950 --> 01:29:25,165 they're like a window into your soul. 1656 01:29:25,298 --> 01:29:27,233 I don't think I've ever felt more connected to you than this 1657 01:29:27,367 --> 01:29:29,690 in my entire life. 1658 01:29:32,138 --> 01:29:34,441 Well, I never had the chance to perform it myself 1659 01:29:34,574 --> 01:29:36,943 because the dream had already died. 1660 01:29:37,770 --> 01:29:40,814 I thought maybe someday, but no, never mind. 1661 01:29:40,947 --> 01:29:45,151 Never mind. I guess no one will ever hear this song. 1662 01:29:48,688 --> 01:29:52,192 That's it! That's it! 1663 01:29:52,325 --> 01:29:53,827 Mom! 1664 01:29:53,993 --> 01:29:55,895 What did you say like a minute ago, about being fat? 1665 01:29:56,620 --> 01:29:57,364 We're onto something else now. 1666 01:29:57,497 --> 01:29:59,499 We were kind of having a moment here, son. 1667 01:29:59,632 --> 01:30:01,670 [Mary] Read the room. 1668 01:30:01,234 --> 01:30:03,903 Yeah, I mean, I wrote the book and did the whole thing. 1669 01:30:04,370 --> 01:30:05,438 - [Mary] Alfy! - [Nick] The drawing. 1670 01:30:05,572 --> 01:30:06,906 [Mary] Listen to your father when he's talking! 1671 01:30:07,400 --> 01:30:08,675 [Nick] Does anything register with you? 1672 01:30:08,808 --> 01:30:11,778 Can you see my lips moving? Nothing gets through to you. 1673 01:30:11,911 --> 01:30:14,140 ♪ We been spendin' Most our lives ♪ 1674 01:30:14,147 --> 01:30:17,217 ♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪ 1675 01:30:17,350 --> 01:30:19,719 ♪ I've churned butter Once or twice ♪ 1676 01:30:19,853 --> 01:30:22,989 ♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪ 1677 01:30:23,123 --> 01:30:25,425 ♪ It's hard work And sacrifice ♪ 1678 01:30:25,558 --> 01:30:29,620 ♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪ 1679 01:30:29,195 --> 01:30:31,831 ♪ We sell quilts At discount price ♪ 1680 01:30:31,965 --> 01:30:34,534 ♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪ 1681 01:30:34,667 --> 01:30:37,704 ♪ Hitchin' up the buggy Churnin' lots of butter ♪ 1682 01:30:37,837 --> 01:30:40,407 ♪ Raised a barn on Monday Soon I'll raise another ♪ 1683 01:30:40,540 --> 01:30:42,108 ♪ Think you're really Righteous? ♪ 1684 01:30:42,242 --> 01:30:44,244 ♪ Think you're pure in heart? ♪ 1685 01:30:44,377 --> 01:30:46,446 ♪ Well, I know I'm a million Times as humble as thou art ♪ 1686 01:30:46,613 --> 01:30:47,981 ♪ I'm the pious guy ♪ 1687 01:30:48,114 --> 01:30:49,449 ♪ The little Amlettes Wanna be like ♪ 1688 01:30:49,616 --> 01:30:50,950 ♪ On my knees day and night ♪ 1689 01:30:51,840 --> 01:30:52,585 ♪ Scorin' points For the afterlife ♪ 1690 01:30:52,752 --> 01:30:54,487 ♪ So don't be vain And don't be whiny ♪ 1691 01:30:54,621 --> 01:30:56,256 ♪ Or else, my brother ♪ 1692 01:30:56,389 --> 01:30:58,191 ♪ I might have to get Medieval on your heinie ♪ 1693 01:30:58,324 --> 01:31:00,860 ♪ We been spendin' Most our lives ♪ 1694 01:31:01,270 --> 01:31:04,970 ♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪ 1695 01:31:04,230 --> 01:31:06,166 ♪ We're all crazy Mennonites ♪ 1696 01:31:06,299 --> 01:31:07,834 ♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise... ♪ 1697 01:31:07,967 --> 01:31:09,936 Man, I shoulda kept the publishing rights. 1698 01:31:10,700 --> 01:31:12,105 ♪ There's no cops Or traffic lights ♪ 1699 01:31:12,238 --> 01:31:15,508 ♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪ 1700 01:31:15,642 --> 01:31:18,411 ♪ But you'd probably Think it bites ♪ 1701 01:31:18,578 --> 01:31:21,548 ♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪ 1702 01:31:21,715 --> 01:31:25,985 [choral singing] 1703 01:31:26,119 --> 01:31:27,530 Yecch! 1704 01:31:27,187 --> 01:31:30,256 [cheering] 1705 01:31:38,431 --> 01:31:40,133 [indistinct chatter] 1706 01:31:40,266 --> 01:31:42,702 It is so good to have you back, man. 1707 01:31:42,836 --> 01:31:44,471 Yeah, I was starting to miss the weird one. 1708 01:31:44,604 --> 01:31:47,640 Oh, I cannot believe I ever said that to you guys. 1709 01:31:47,774 --> 01:31:48,842 I am so, so sorry. 1710 01:31:48,975 --> 01:31:50,410 [Bermuda] Hey, you're an artist. 1711 01:31:50,577 --> 01:31:52,746 Being an abusive jerk is all part of the process. 1712 01:31:52,879 --> 01:31:54,581 Yeah, name me one creative genius 1713 01:31:54,714 --> 01:31:56,182 that doesn't have a checkered past 1714 01:31:56,316 --> 01:31:58,918 involving drugs, alcohol and a murderous rampage 1715 01:31:59,520 --> 01:32:00,620 through the heart of the jungle. 1716 01:32:00,787 --> 01:32:03,223 Yeah, I guess you're right. 1717 01:32:03,356 --> 01:32:05,125 I love you guys so much! 1718 01:32:06,593 --> 01:32:08,762 Yeah, yeah. See you out there. 1719 01:32:09,629 --> 01:32:11,498 [slow clapping] 1720 01:32:11,631 --> 01:32:13,500 Dr. D, you came! 1721 01:32:13,633 --> 01:32:16,169 Of course I came. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. 1722 01:32:16,336 --> 01:32:18,671 And well, needless to say, you were amazing. 1723 01:32:18,805 --> 01:32:21,141 Thank you. And I-I also, 1724 01:32:21,274 --> 01:32:23,643 I really wanna say the way I treated you-- 1725 01:32:23,777 --> 01:32:25,812 Stop. I'm gonna stop you right there, okay? 1726 01:32:25,945 --> 01:32:27,313 No apologies necessary. 1727 01:32:27,447 --> 01:32:29,749 I have been thinking a lot about what you said, 1728 01:32:29,883 --> 01:32:32,819 and I realized, Al, that... 1729 01:32:35,221 --> 01:32:38,692 you are like a son to me and, uh... 1730 01:32:38,825 --> 01:32:42,362 Well, I never really had any children of my own, so, uh... 1731 01:32:48,702 --> 01:32:50,270 I want to adopt you. 1732 01:32:55,308 --> 01:32:56,876 Will you be my son? 1733 01:32:58,411 --> 01:33:00,800 Wow. 1734 01:33:00,213 --> 01:33:05,318 Um, you-- I--I just made up with my dad. 1735 01:33:07,387 --> 01:33:08,521 You d--You did? 1736 01:33:08,655 --> 01:33:10,560 - Yeah. - That's, wow. Okay. 1737 01:33:10,190 --> 01:33:11,524 Yeah. So yeah, we-we talked. 1738 01:33:11,658 --> 01:33:13,760 - Wow. - We're-we're all good now. 1739 01:33:13,927 --> 01:33:15,950 Cool, the coolest. that's great. 1740 01:33:15,228 --> 01:33:17,163 - That's great. - It is great. 1741 01:33:17,297 --> 01:33:18,631 Oh, good! 1742 01:33:18,765 --> 01:33:19,632 - Yeah. - Cool. 1743 01:33:19,766 --> 01:33:21,670 Wow, that's so cool. 1744 01:33:21,234 --> 01:33:23,136 That's really cool. That's so cool. 1745 01:33:23,303 --> 01:33:25,405 My-- my category is coming up really soon, 1746 01:33:25,538 --> 01:33:27,207 I think, so I should probably go change? 1747 01:33:27,374 --> 01:33:28,808 You should--oh, you should go. Yeah, definitely. 1748 01:33:28,942 --> 01:33:30,310 It's so good to see you. 1749 01:33:30,477 --> 01:33:32,212 - Thank you so much for coming. - Okay. 1750 01:33:32,345 --> 01:33:35,482 - So good. Take care. - All right. 1751 01:33:35,648 --> 01:33:39,352 [horn squeaking sadly] 1752 01:33:39,486 --> 01:33:41,921 [polite applause] 1753 01:33:42,550 --> 01:33:43,623 [announcer] Please welcome to the stage 1754 01:33:43,757 --> 01:33:45,492 Grammy Award winner Diana Ross 1755 01:33:45,625 --> 01:33:50,330 and Intercontinental WWF Champion Hulk Hogan. 1756 01:33:50,463 --> 01:33:53,566 As artists, we learn to express ourselves 1757 01:33:53,700 --> 01:33:55,335 through our instruments. 1758 01:33:55,468 --> 01:33:59,706 Louis Armstrong had his trumpet and Jimi Hendrix had his guitar. 1759 01:33:59,839 --> 01:34:02,742 And well, my instrument is my voice. 1760 01:34:02,876 --> 01:34:06,312 [audience cheering] 1761 01:34:06,446 --> 01:34:07,914 That's right, Diana. 1762 01:34:08,480 --> 01:34:11,170 And my instruments are these 24-inch pythons. 1763 01:34:11,151 --> 01:34:14,587 - Whoo! - [polite applause] 1764 01:34:14,721 --> 01:34:18,792 No, no, Mary. That's an oily man. 1765 01:34:21,270 --> 01:34:24,798 And now, the award you've all been waiting for. 1766 01:34:24,931 --> 01:34:28,301 In the category of "Perhaps Not Technically the Best 1767 01:34:28,435 --> 01:34:31,671 But Arguably the Most Famous Accordion Player 1768 01:34:31,805 --> 01:34:35,508 in an Extremely Specific Genre of Music." 1769 01:34:35,642 --> 01:34:37,510 And the award goes to... 1770 01:34:37,644 --> 01:34:40,980 [drumroll] 1771 01:34:46,119 --> 01:34:48,288 [both] "Weird Al" Yankovic! 1772 01:34:48,421 --> 01:34:52,250 [audience cheering] 1773 01:34:52,158 --> 01:34:54,694 [clapping] 1774 01:35:15,548 --> 01:35:17,984 Oh, thank you. 1775 01:35:18,118 --> 01:35:21,654 Thank you. Thank you. Oh, this is incredible. 1776 01:35:21,821 --> 01:35:23,556 This award means so much to me, 1777 01:35:23,690 --> 01:35:26,426 and in front of all the billions of people watching 1778 01:35:26,559 --> 01:35:30,964 around the world right now, all I want to say is... 1779 01:35:31,131 --> 01:35:33,433 See, Dad? I told you! 1780 01:35:33,566 --> 01:35:35,835 Yeah! In your face, old man! 1781 01:35:35,969 --> 01:35:39,205 - [laughing] - Huh? 1782 01:35:39,372 --> 01:35:43,810 There are so many people here tonight that I need to thank. 1783 01:35:43,943 --> 01:35:47,447 People who mean the world to me and who made me 1784 01:35:47,614 --> 01:35:49,683 everything that I am today. 1785 01:35:49,816 --> 01:35:51,251 But they know who they are, 1786 01:35:51,384 --> 01:35:54,721 and I'm gonna thank them all later privately. 1787 01:35:54,888 --> 01:35:57,657 Okay, I'm just gonna wrap things up. 1788 01:35:57,791 --> 01:35:59,325 I don't have much time left. 1789 01:35:59,459 --> 01:36:02,662 I-- Y'know, I'm gonna be around for a good long time. 1790 01:36:02,796 --> 01:36:04,664 You don't have to worry about that. 1791 01:36:04,798 --> 01:36:07,000 You're not gonna get rid of me that easy. 1792 01:36:11,271 --> 01:36:14,441 - Waiting on your signal. - [Madonna] Stand by. 1793 01:36:14,574 --> 01:36:18,778 But in my remaining few seconds, I just wanna say... 1794 01:36:20,747 --> 01:36:22,949 live the life you wanna live. 1795 01:36:23,830 --> 01:36:25,952 You know, be as weird as you wanna be. 1796 01:36:26,860 --> 01:36:28,755 Believe me, you will never find true happiness 1797 01:36:28,922 --> 01:36:32,959 until you can truly accept who you are. 1798 01:36:33,930 --> 01:36:36,763 And standing before all of you, right here, right now, 1799 01:36:36,896 --> 01:36:41,434 I can honestly say I have never been more happy 1800 01:36:41,568 --> 01:36:45,105 or more proud in my entire life. 1801 01:36:46,673 --> 01:36:47,841 Thank you. 1802 01:36:47,974 --> 01:36:50,176 [audience cheering] 1803 01:36:58,551 --> 01:37:00,987 Thank you! Thank you! 1804 01:37:07,560 --> 01:37:09,129 Take the shot. 1805 01:37:15,402 --> 01:37:17,771 No! 1806 01:40:04,137 --> 01:40:08,108 [screams] 1807 01:40:20,553 --> 01:40:25,910 ♪ You thought you knew me? Well, you better guess again ♪ 1808 01:40:25,225 --> 01:40:27,894 ♪ Now you know The whole story ♪ 1809 01:40:28,610 --> 01:40:30,363 ♪ Now you've heard it all My friend ♪ 1810 01:40:30,497 --> 01:40:36,202 ♪ You know all my dirty secrets 'Cause we spilled all the tea ♪ 1811 01:40:36,369 --> 01:40:38,872 ♪ There's nothin' left to hide Baby ♪ 1812 01:40:39,500 --> 01:40:42,876 ♪ How you like the real me? ♪ 1813 01:40:43,900 --> 01:40:48,480 ♪ Yeah, the truth came out We finally removed all doubt ♪ 1814 01:40:48,181 --> 01:40:52,419 ♪ If it's in a movie It's gotta be true ♪ 1815 01:40:52,552 --> 01:40:53,887 ♪ Aw, yeah ♪ 1816 01:40:54,200 --> 01:40:56,122 ♪ If you never knew it before ♪ 1817 01:40:56,256 --> 01:40:58,525 ♪ You don't have To wonder anymore ♪ 1818 01:40:58,658 --> 01:41:03,196 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1819 01:41:04,931 --> 01:41:06,933 ♪ Thought I oughta tell ya so ♪ 1820 01:41:07,670 --> 01:41:09,200 ♪ I shoulda done it long ago ♪ 1821 01:41:09,135 --> 01:41:14,941 ♪ But now you know Now, now you know ♪ 1822 01:41:15,750 --> 01:41:17,844 ♪ Yeah, that's how it all Went down, bro ♪ 1823 01:41:17,977 --> 01:41:20,447 ♪ We've proof-checked Every fact ♪ 1824 01:41:20,580 --> 01:41:23,616 ♪ If you still Don't believe it ♪ 1825 01:41:23,783 --> 01:41:26,686 ♪ Well No skin off my back ♪ 1826 01:41:26,853 --> 01:41:29,220 ♪ Just don't call me a liar ♪ 1827 01:41:29,155 --> 01:41:31,758 ♪ 'Cause shut up You weren't there ♪ 1828 01:41:31,891 --> 01:41:34,894 ♪ This movie is now canon ♪ 1829 01:41:35,610 --> 01:41:38,465 ♪ Every word is true, I swear ♪ 1830 01:41:38,598 --> 01:41:40,400 ♪ We only changed one thing ♪ 1831 01:41:40,533 --> 01:41:43,903 ♪ I really did play Live Aid with Queen ♪ 1832 01:41:44,370 --> 01:41:46,773 ♪ And I blew 'em off The freakin' stage ♪ 1833 01:41:46,906 --> 01:41:49,342 ♪ That's right ♪ 1834 01:41:49,509 --> 01:41:51,845 ♪ If you never knew it before ♪ 1835 01:41:51,978 --> 01:41:53,847 ♪ You don't have To wonder anymore ♪ 1836 01:41:53,980 --> 01:41:58,618 ♪ 'Cause now you know Now you know ♪ 1837 01:42:00,487 --> 01:42:02,489 ♪ Thought I oughta tell ya so ♪ 1838 01:42:02,622 --> 01:42:04,424 ♪ I shoulda done it long ago ♪ 1839 01:42:04,557 --> 01:42:09,796 ♪ But now you know Now, now you know ♪ 1840 01:42:10,530 --> 01:42:13,660 [sax solo] 1841 01:42:23,143 --> 01:42:25,111 ♪ Aw, what a wild ride ♪ 1842 01:42:25,245 --> 01:42:28,548 ♪ How about that part Where I died? ♪ 1843 01:42:28,715 --> 01:42:31,718 ♪ I was not expecting that! ♪ 1844 01:42:33,453 --> 01:42:36,723 ♪ But I'm back, baby ♪ 1845 01:42:36,856 --> 01:42:41,661 ♪ Here to wreak my zombie Apocalypse upon you all ♪ 1846 01:42:41,795 --> 01:42:46,733 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1847 01:42:46,866 --> 01:42:48,768 ♪ Now, now you know ♪ 1848 01:42:48,902 --> 01:42:50,637 ♪ You know it ♪ 1849 01:42:50,770 --> 01:42:52,672 ♪ And the union-scale Background singers sing ♪ 1850 01:42:52,806 --> 01:42:57,811 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1851 01:42:57,944 --> 01:42:59,879 ♪ Now, now you know ♪ 1852 01:43:00,130 --> 01:43:02,816 ♪ No fabrications No exaggerations ♪ 1853 01:43:02,949 --> 01:43:04,484 ♪ It's the gospel truth ♪ 1854 01:43:04,617 --> 01:43:08,755 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1855 01:43:08,922 --> 01:43:11,658 ♪ Now, now you know ♪ 1856 01:43:11,791 --> 01:43:14,994 ♪ Startin' to feel like this Song is slightly repetitive ♪ 1857 01:43:15,161 --> 01:43:19,866 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1858 01:43:19,999 --> 01:43:23,203 ♪ Now, now you know ♪ 1859 01:43:31,144 --> 01:43:32,445 [music fades] 1860 01:43:32,612 --> 01:43:34,800 [Al] Wow, fake-out ending! 1861 01:43:34,214 --> 01:43:39,190 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1862 01:43:39,152 --> 01:43:41,287 ♪ Now, now you know ♪ 1863 01:43:41,421 --> 01:43:43,790 ♪ Look at all these people In the credits ♪ 1864 01:43:43,957 --> 01:43:45,658 ♪ We had to pay 'em all ♪ 1865 01:43:45,792 --> 01:43:49,662 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1866 01:43:49,796 --> 01:43:51,731 ♪ Now, now you know ♪ 1867 01:43:51,865 --> 01:43:53,500 ♪ Oh hey, I remember him ♪ 1868 01:43:53,633 --> 01:43:56,436 ♪ Met him on the set Seemed like a really nice guy ♪ 1869 01:43:56,569 --> 01:44:00,774 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1870 01:44:00,907 --> 01:44:02,709 ♪ Now, now you know ♪ 1871 01:44:02,842 --> 01:44:05,578 ♪ All these songs were in The movie you just watched ♪ 1872 01:44:05,712 --> 01:44:07,147 ♪ Including this one ♪ 1873 01:44:07,280 --> 01:44:11,918 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1874 01:44:24,431 --> 01:44:25,699 [music fades] 1875 01:44:25,832 --> 01:44:29,903 [Al] Awwwwww, double fake-out! 1876 01:44:30,360 --> 01:44:34,740 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1877 01:44:34,207 --> 01:44:36,309 ♪ Now, now you know ♪ 1878 01:44:36,443 --> 01:44:39,979 ♪ This song just keeps goin' on And on and on and on and on ♪ 1879 01:44:40,113 --> 01:44:44,684 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1880 01:44:44,851 --> 01:44:47,387 ♪ Now, now you know ♪ 1881 01:44:47,520 --> 01:44:50,757 ♪ Seriously, how many more Credits can there be? ♪ 1882 01:44:50,924 --> 01:44:55,328 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1883 01:44:55,462 --> 01:44:57,197 ♪ Now, now you know ♪ 1884 01:44:57,330 --> 01:44:59,632 ♪ This song Is technically eligible ♪ 1885 01:44:59,766 --> 01:45:01,701 ♪ For Oscar consideration ♪ 1886 01:45:01,835 --> 01:45:06,606 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1887 01:45:06,740 --> 01:45:08,641 ♪ Now you know ♪