1
00:00:43,843 --> 00:00:45,445
Welcome to Zombieland.

2
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Back for seconds?
After all this time?

3
00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:52,552
Well, what can I say,
but thank you.

4
00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:56,923
You have a lot of choices when it comes to zombie
entertainment, and we appreciate you picking us.

5
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So you know how Eskimos have
a bunch of words for snow?

6
00:01:04,597 --> 00:01:06,833
The only reason we've survived
the last several years

7
00:01:06,966 --> 00:01:10,904
is that we've gotten to know our bloodthirsty
enemies better than we know ourselves.

8
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,441
In the time since we last saw you,
zombies have evolved,

9
00:01:14,507 --> 00:01:17,210
so we've given them
different names.

10
00:01:17,277 --> 00:01:22,949
This lady here is getting chased by the dumbest
Z there is, what we call a Homer.

11
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In a world without YouTube,
who isn't entertained by a Homer?

12
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Unfortunately, for every Homer,
there's a Hawking,

13
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as in Stephen.

14
00:01:48,708 --> 00:01:53,413
Or maybe his slightly less accomplished sister, Beatrix,
who's still got some brains left to figure **** out.

15
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:54,547
Open, open!

16
00:02:17,370 --> 00:02:18,371
Clever girl.

17
00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:22,275
Okay. Last one.

18
00:02:22,375 --> 00:02:24,277
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
what was that?

19
00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:29,382
Okay, all right. Well, this time,
let's play Name That Zombie.

20
00:02:30,383 --> 00:02:31,484
Hello?

21
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,155
Hello?

22
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,863
The Ninja.
Silent, deadly.

23
00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:46,266
The first thing you hear is
your own scream.

24
00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:58,780
You can imagine how thrilled we were
to crack the zombie code.

25
00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:01,681
But life is about more than
just survival.

26
00:03:03,149 --> 00:03:08,221
Ever since we were evicted from our normal lives,
I'd been searching for a place to put down roots.

27
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:13,360
My old pal Tallahassee has this saying,
"Go big or go home."

28
00:03:14,327 --> 00:03:17,664
It's not his signature phrase,
but it did give me an idea.

29
00:03:18,665 --> 00:03:20,100
Why not go big...

30
00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:22,268
and go home?

31
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:55,635
? End of passion play,
crumbling away ?

32
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:59,105
? I'm your source
of self-destruction ?

33
00:04:00,730 --> 00:04:04,440
? Veins that pump with fear
Sucking darkest clear ?

34
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:07,580
? Leading on your death's
construction ?

35
00:04:08,481 --> 00:04:10,116
? Taste me you will see ?

36
00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:12,719
? More is all you need ?

37
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? Dedicated to how I'm killing you ?

38
00:04:21,127 --> 00:04:23,930
? Come crawling faster ?

39
00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:28,401
? Obey your master ?

40
00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:33,139
? Your life burns faster ?

41
00:04:35,241 --> 00:04:38,611
? Obey your master, master! ?

42
00:04:38,878 --> 00:04:41,247
? Master of puppets,
I'm pulling your strings ?

43
00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:45,585
? Twisting your mind
and smashing your dreams ?

44
00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:49,356
? Blinded by me,
you can't see a thing ?

45
00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:52,192
? Just call my name
'cause I'll hear you scream ?

46
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,627
? Master, master! ?

47
00:04:55,161 --> 00:04:58,310
? Master of puppets,
I'm pulling your strings ?

48
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,670
? Twisting your mind
and smashing your... ??

49
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:06,720
Hail to the mother****ing chief.

50
00:05:07,607 --> 00:05:10,760
There are worse places
to hang your hat.

51
00:05:12,445 --> 00:05:15,148
Wait, why does he get to be president?

52
00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:19,886
I would have made a **** fine president.
Kissed a few hands, shook a few babies.

53
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:22,889
You would have brought a real dignity to the office.
Thank you.

54
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:28,940
You don't have what it takes. I'll be president.
And I nominate Little Rock as my VP.

55
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:31,631
So that means I get to be president
if you get killed by zombies.

56
00:05:31,731 --> 00:05:35,835
That wasn't what I was thinking
when I offered the position, but yes.

57
00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:40,273
I have this rule:
Enjoy the little things.

58
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Which is what we spent a lot of time doing
in those early days at the White House.

59
00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:47,847
And it was a really special time,
making a house our home.

60
00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:52,719
? Happy birthday to ?

61
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:56,122
Shooting up, not to.
All right. Nice!

62
00:05:59,759 --> 00:06:03,263
Wichita and I fell into
our own version of domestic bliss.

63
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:06,433
Well, not quite bliss,
but domesticity to be sure.

64
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:11,137
Did Abe's blindfold fall off again?
No, it did not fall off. I took it off.

65
00:06:11,237 --> 00:06:13,406
It's so creepy.
He just stares at us all night.

66
00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:16,643
That stare emancipated the slaves, okay?
And it ended the Civil War.

67
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,778
We should be grateful
he's gawking at us.

68
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:21,481
Remember what happened
the last time you took the blindfold off?

69
00:06:21,614 --> 00:06:24,384
You made me sleep on the Lincoln couch?
Mm-hm.

70
00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:32,692
Is that better?
Much better.

71
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Good.

72
00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:36,930
I love you so much, baby.
Sorry.

73
00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:40,600
You are so gorgeous.

74
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:42,702
We really need to find you someone.

75
00:06:42,869 --> 00:06:47,474
That's where you're wrong.
Any romance left in me belongs to the Beast here.

76
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:50,944
Okay. Well, then we need
to find someone for me.

77
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:57,830
Shouldn't be a problem,
long as you're open to dating zombies.

78
00:06:57,150 --> 00:07:00,420
So you're saying what?
I'm never gonna find a boyfriend,

79
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or get married, have a family?

80
00:07:02,555 --> 00:07:06,159
We're your family,
so one out of three ain't bad.

81
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Little Rock had a strong desire
to leave the nest.

82
00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:14,534
And let's just say Tallahassee wasn't
the most understanding father figure.

83
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:15,635
Little Rock!

84
00:07:15,735 --> 00:07:18,304
But for better or worse,
we were a family.

85
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:22,242
And for the first time since the virus,
we were living somewhere truly safe,

86
00:07:22,308 --> 00:07:25,679
making every day feel like...
Well, like Christmas morning.

87
00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:29,749
Hello? Ho-ho-ho!

88
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:32,252
Merry Christmas!

89
00:07:32,318 --> 00:07:33,953
Hey, Tal.
Santa.

90
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:37,791
What would you like for Christmas,
little girl? A pony?

91
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:40,627
I'd like you to stop calling me
"little girl."

92
00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:43,863
Well, technically, you are little
and you're a girl.

93
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:47,667
Well, I am not a little girl,
but do you know what I would like?

94
00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:49,903
I don't give a **** what you'd like.

95
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,500
Not to sound too sentimental,

96
00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:57,143
but those days at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
may have been the best days of my life,

97
00:07:57,243 --> 00:07:58,845
and that's counting pre-Z.

98
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:01,748
Wait a second.

99
00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:04,117
Oh, my God. No.

100
00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:07,687
A first-edition Tolkien,
and you wrote in it.

101
00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:11,624
There's my name right there,
marring this perfectly preserved paper.

102
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Thank you. And yours too.
You didn't stop. Thank you so much.

103
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It's a bit touching.

104
00:08:18,631 --> 00:08:22,469
Hey, I couldn't find any wrapping paper,
but don't worry about it.

105
00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:25,872
Just tear it open. It doesn't matter.
It's only Taft.

106
00:08:25,972 --> 00:08:27,374
He was our fattest president,

107
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:31,311
so there's a lot left over
if you need some wrapping paper.

108
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:33,780
Columbus, I didn't get anything
from you.

109
00:08:35,810 --> 00:08:37,784
Just what I wanted. Another gun.

110
00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:41,921
Oh, hey, well, not just any gun.
A Colt 45.

111
00:08:42,550 --> 00:08:45,759
And not just any Colt 45.
The King's.

112
00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:49,929
England? Denmark? Lichtenstein?
There's only one king.

113
00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:54,134
Elvis Aaron ****ing Presley,
the greatest who ever lived.

114
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The king of kings.

115
00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:59,873
He gave this gun to Nixon
when he visited the White House,

116
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and I give it to you,
locked and loaded.

117
00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:07,280
Yeah, he used to shoot
that Colt in his backyard.

118
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King's palace, Memphis, Tennessee.
I tell you about Graceland?

119
00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:13,420
Only a hundred times.
We're gonna go there together someday.

120
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:15,655
Actually, I'm gonna go
shoot this right now.

121
00:09:15,755 --> 00:09:18,892
I think I saw some Zs down
by the reflecting pool.

122
00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:20,627
Well, I'll go with.
I'll go by myself.

123
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:24,431
It's Christmas.
It's not ****ing Christmas. It's November 17th.

124
00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:29,936
Little Rock was on the hunt, all right,
for people her own age.

125
00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:34,441
And the thing is, they were out there.
We just made it a point to keep our distance.

126
00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:37,277
Which would kind of suck
if you were the one stuck in the nest.

127
00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:42,549
God, this is really terrifying,

128
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:44,284
but totally unrealistic.

129
00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:47,487
Hey, she'll be fine.

130
00:09:48,988 --> 00:09:51,524
Wish she didn't remind me
so much of me.

131
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,827
Hey, come on.
What's wrong with you?

132
00:09:55,562 --> 00:09:56,563
Nothing.

133
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:00,633
All right. I wasn't gonna do this now.

134
00:10:03,570 --> 00:10:08,241
Okay. Look, you always say that,
like, I play it too safe,

135
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:10,910
and I know we've been in, like,
a bit of a rut lately.

136
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:15,982
So I thought, what better way
to spice things up than to...

137
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:22,188
Get married?

138
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:26,159
Yeah, well, I was gonna say, "Get married!" Yay.
Is that the Hope diamond?

139
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:30,163
I certainly hope it is. I want you to be Miss Ohio.
Or I guess Mrs. Ohio.

140
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:32,565
This is so unfair.
You know how I feel about this.

141
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,167
What?
We've talked about this.

142
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:39,372
In my limited, but absurdly painful experience,
married people only do one thing.

143
00:10:39,439 --> 00:10:42,242
What, fight? We already do that.
Get divorced.

144
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:45,345
I don't see us going that route.
I mean, where would we find the lawyers?

145
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:51,184
I don't know what to say.
Well, don't say anything. Yet.

146
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:54,554
Okay? This was my fault.
I put you on the spot.

147
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:58,124
Just think about it,
and let me know whenever you're ready.

148
00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:01,327
Everything will work out
exactly as it's supposed to.

149
00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:21,715
Hey, Buttercup. What's wrong?
Get a little too much eggnog last night?

150
00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:24,317
Bad news.
Bad news?

151
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:27,754
Well, you know what cancels out bad news?
Good news.

152
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:31,391
Today is the day that Wichita says...
Adios.

153
00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:32,625
Hm?

154
00:11:35,762 --> 00:11:39,265
"Dear C and T,
we feel like total **** about leaving.

155
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:42,569
Sorry, not good at notes.
W and LR."

156
00:11:43,970 --> 00:11:47,907
Well, yeah. "Not good at notes" is
a pretty huge understatement.

157
00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:51,911
You know he's gonna
take this Beast thing pretty hard.

158
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:55,115
Well, he should learn
to not get so attached.

159
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:59,853
Never get attached. Remember?
That was the problem with Columbus, he got too attached.

160
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:05,225
Well, with Tallahassee, it's like he thinks he's my dad.
Sure, but you are so lucky you don't have a boyfriend.

161
00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:10,630
Have you seen him use Q-tips?
His bedtime routine took an hour.

162
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:11,965
Stop.
What? God, sorry.

163
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:14,167
No, stop! Stop!
Oh!

164
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:21,675
Namaste.

165
00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:25,512
Hi.

166
00:12:28,114 --> 00:12:31,317
Wichita leaving hit me
like a shotgun blast.

167
00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:34,540
So after weeks of feeling sorry
for myself,

168
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,900
I thought a little retail therapy might help
get her off my mind.

169
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:40,593
It's not like I immediately wanted to start,
like, wedding planning or anything.

170
00:12:40,694 --> 00:12:41,795
I'm not crazy.

171
00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:44,364
And who wants to get married in the winter?
Spring, sure.

172
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:49,836
Although my hair and the humidity...
Oh, my God! Man, I cannot listen to this **** anymore.

173
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:53,730
My God, it's been over a month.
Yeah, I'm bereft.

174
00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:56,142
Okay, I'm giving you one more day
to mope around,

175
00:12:56,242 --> 00:12:59,790
and then you gotta snap the **** out of it.

176
00:12:59,145 --> 00:13:03,830
This whole "finding a home" idea of yours
has made us soft.

177
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:05,318
And by us, I mean you.

178
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:09,422
It's high time that we nut up and hit
the road again. And by we, I mean me.

179
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:12,992
That's where I belong.
On my own. Lone wolf.

180
00:13:13,930 --> 00:13:14,928
You're welcome to tag along.

181
00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:18,398
Yeah, but when they come back, we won't be here.
They are never coming back.

182
00:13:22,168 --> 00:13:26,390
I got it.
No, no, no.

183
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:27,107
Okay.

184
00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:36,182
Yeah, it was good.
You shot your alcohol with your gun.

185
00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:50,230
Not bad, huh?

186
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:53,800
No. Not bad,
but definitely no ZKOTY.

187
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:57,904
ZKOTY,
that is "Zombie Kill of the Year."

188
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,473
Like a junkie in search
of a higher high,

189
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:03,443
Tallahassee is no longer happy
with Zombie Kill of the Week.

190
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:07,547
Which, if you're keeping score,
just went to Dave Sanderman of Riverside, Iowa.

191
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:09,783
You may wanna set down
the Milk Duds for this one.

192
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:11,151
You dead, zombie!

193
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:15,221
Whoo-whee, pig!

194
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:19,225
Congratulations, Dave.

195
00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:23,296
Listen, I never told you this before.
In fact, I never told anybody.

196
00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:29,903
But I have Native American blood
coursing through my veins.

197
00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:34,341
Like, right now?
Yeah. Right now.

198
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:40,460
Blackfoot Indian to be exact.
The freest men in history.

199
00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:45,885
Mid-1800s, roamed the plains,
no houses, no laws, no possessions,

200
00:14:45,952 --> 00:14:49,756
no chiefs to report to,
no wives to listen to.

201
00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:51,240
They listened...

202
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:54,861
to the call of the buffalo.

203
00:14:54,961 --> 00:14:56,763
And they hunted those buffalo

204
00:14:56,830 --> 00:15:02,268
by herding them off the cliff
to their deaths.

205
00:15:03,837 --> 00:15:06,873
The great buffalo jump.

206
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,441
Oh.

207
00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:12,512
I don't know why I never told anyone
about my Blackfoot blood.

208
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:15,248
I guess it's a sacred little secret.

209
00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:19,786
Honestly, you're the first paleface
I have genuinely trusted

210
00:15:19,886 --> 00:15:24,424
because you've always been there for me.
You care and you really listen.

211
00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:26,359
Unless you're in a 4D theatre,

212
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:29,996
there is no way I can communicate
how bad Z-land smells,

213
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:32,432
which is why I like candles so much.

214
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:36,102
Today, maybe a frosty gingerbread
or a Bahama breeze.

215
00:15:36,202 --> 00:15:37,203
Mmm.

216
00:15:38,672 --> 00:15:39,806
Whoa!
Ah!

217
00:15:39,873 --> 00:15:43,343
Oh, my God! Please forgive me.
It's fake fur!

218
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,679
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
I thought you were a...

219
00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:47,881
You thought I was a zombie?
Yeah.

220
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:52,752
Oh, my God, no. I don't even eat meat.
I'm a vegetarian. Vegan, actually.

221
00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:56,523
Sorry. Hi, I'm Columbus.
Madison.

222
00:15:56,656 --> 00:15:58,992
Hi. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you. Oh.

223
00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:01,661
All right. We're hugging. So soon.
Nice to meet you.

224
00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:04,300
It's nice to touch a human.

225
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,766
Don't mind me.
Oh, hello. If I can have my body?

226
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:10,136
Hi, sorry. This is Tallahassee.
This is Madison. Madison, Tallahassee.

227
00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:11,838
Is this your dad?

228
00:16:11,905 --> 00:16:16,876
For ****'s sake, slightly older,
better-looking friend.

229
00:16:16,943 --> 00:16:18,611
Cute.
You live here?

230
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:23,490
No, Paul Blart. I live in the freezer
in Pinkberry.

231
00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:26,586
It keeps the zombies out,
though it is awfully chilly.

232
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:29,889
Do you ever consider turning it off?

233
00:16:30,924 --> 00:16:34,160
Couldn't find the switch, like, anywhere.
Just hoping the electricity would run out.

234
00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:37,197
I know, it's amazing.
As long as it rains, the dams give us power.

235
00:16:37,263 --> 00:16:38,965
Apparently not brain power.

236
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:47,730
I feel like you're being super judgy.
Like, I'm getting a real anti-me vibe off of you.

237
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,420
Are you?
Oh, my God. There it was again.

238
00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:51,177
Yeah, I saw it.
And that's hurtful, okay?

239
00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:53,446
I'm, like,
really good at surviving.

240
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:58,218
I carry a can of mace with me everywhere I go.
And I can run really, really fast.

241
00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:01,540
Probably because I used to do
a lot of hot yoga and SoulCycle.

242
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:04,157
Cardio! Sorry,
I do a lot of cardio too.

243
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:10,196
It's actually my number one rule, which is so dorky.
But I have rules for surviving Zombieland.

244
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:11,264
Really?
Yeah.

245
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:12,332
So do I!

246
00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:14,670
You have rules
for surviving Zombieland?

247
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:16,670
Actually, mine is just mostly stay
in the freezer.

248
00:17:16,770 --> 00:17:17,971
Oh.
Ha, ha.

249
00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:22,420
You know, we actually set up camp, like,
down the road, like, at the White House.

250
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:23,309
Ah-ah.

251
00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:26,546
The White House? Oh, my God.
Would you wanna come and, like, hang out?

252
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,515
I would love that.
Cool.

253
00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:30,784
Okay.
How many rules do you have?

254
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:33,353
You wanna know about my rules?
I wanna hear all of them.

255
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:36,656
Well, number two is double tap.
Double tap.

256
00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:39,592
Double tap, yes.
Double tap you.

257
00:17:39,693 --> 00:17:40,694
You got me.

258
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,328
I'm murdered.

259
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:46,466
Okay, yeah, I know what you're thinking.
She's absolutely not my type.

260
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,301
But after Wichita
broke my heart,

261
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:53,239
I was just excited to talk to somebody who smelled
like a candle, and not whisky and gunpowder.

262
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:57,444
So Wichita and Little Rock left. It leaves
just us guys again. You know, bachelors.

263
00:17:57,510 --> 00:18:00,460
This guy. You know, making a mess.

264
00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:03,950
Which actually brings me
to rule number 53, Wet-Naps.

265
00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:06,319
Whoa.
Yeah.

266
00:18:06,486 --> 00:18:11,391
I can't believe that you keep all this stuff in your head.
Thank you.

267
00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:13,260
It's amazing.
Thank you.

268
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:15,428
You know, you're really lucky.
What?

269
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:19,432
That you found someone so smart
to take care of you.

270
00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:22,869
Most people your age,
they get left all by themselves,

271
00:18:22,969 --> 00:18:25,380
and that can be so sad.

272
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:28,475
Yeah. I am so lucky.

273
00:18:30,100 --> 00:18:33,513
Hey, can we have a little summit in the Oval Office?
Yeah.

274
00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:39,850
You guys, I can't believe we're
in the White House. This is soy random.

275
00:18:39,152 --> 00:18:40,687
You got to broom this girl.

276
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,880
You know why she's still alive?

277
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:45,325
Because zombies eat brains,
and she ain't got any!

278
00:18:45,392 --> 00:18:48,995
All right? It doesn't matter
because I'm hitting the road come sunup.

279
00:18:49,950 --> 00:18:50,597
Columbus?
Yes?

280
00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:52,399
Could you maybe give me a tour?

281
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:55,835
Whoa, this is the Oval Office.

282
00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:57,637
Why do they call it that?

283
00:19:00,674 --> 00:19:01,808
You ready?
You ready?

284
00:19:01,875 --> 00:19:03,243
I'm ready too.
I'm ready.

285
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:04,344
Great.
Too.

286
00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:08,810
Let's go.
He's kind of funny.

287
00:19:08,214 --> 00:19:11,251
Yeah, he's great. Try not to speak to him.
Okay.

288
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:14,154
The main attraction. Ta-da.

289
00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:17,490
The Lincoln bedroom. And believe it or not,
Lincoln never even slept here.

290
00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:21,610
I didn't actually want a tour, silly.
What?

291
00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:29,729
****.

292
00:20:29,796 --> 00:20:32,232
Sorry,
it's Washington's old flintlock.

293
00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:34,968
It's a gift to Dwight D. Eisenhower
from the emperor of Japan.

294
00:20:35,350 --> 00:20:36,202
Oh, touché.

295
00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:39,706
I heard a strange noise.
Yeah, I've been hearing some strange noises too.

296
00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:41,975
Oh, yeah.
That was us having ****.

297
00:20:42,750 --> 00:20:43,209
Rule number one.

298
00:20:44,477 --> 00:20:47,800
Yeah,
maybe rule number 32 for her.

299
00:20:47,881 --> 00:20:48,815
What? Hey.

300
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:51,818
Okay. Ready?

301
00:20:53,153 --> 00:20:55,121
Go!
Okay, let's go. Come on.

302
00:20:55,188 --> 00:20:56,990
Oh, ****.

303
00:20:57,900 --> 00:20:58,910
****.

304
00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:01,695
Honey, I'm home.

305
00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:04,731
Oh, my God, you're back. I mean,
you're back or whatever. That's cool.

306
00:21:04,798 --> 00:21:06,700
I'm not staying.
I just came to get weapons.

307
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,436
At 1:00 in the morning?
Yeah, after a month missing.

308
00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:11,905
Little Rock's gone.

309
00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:28,822
It was great. It felt so good
to be on the move again.

310
00:21:28,922 --> 00:21:32,992
Yeah, we've been having, like,
a really good time here too, right? Together.

311
00:21:33,930 --> 00:21:36,629
We picked up someone new.
Just a boy.

312
00:21:36,730 --> 00:21:40,200
He's a couple years older than Little Rock,
and he's from Berkeley.

313
00:21:40,266 --> 00:21:42,335
Berkeley?
Mm-hm.

314
00:21:42,535 --> 00:21:43,603
? Don't worry ?

315
00:21:43,670 --> 00:21:45,672
You said Berkeley?
Yes.

316
00:21:45,772 --> 00:21:48,241
Berke-****ing-ley?

317
00:21:50,110 --> 00:21:52,579
He plays the guitar.

318
00:21:52,679 --> 00:21:55,749
Shut the **** up right now!
I know what you're about to tell me.

319
00:21:55,849 --> 00:21:58,151
She's dating a musician!

320
00:21:58,251 --> 00:22:02,222
Hey, come on, dude. Don't you think you're,
like, overreacting maybe, like, a little bit?

321
00:22:04,758 --> 00:22:09,662
Yeah. Yeah. No, I could be overreacting.
I'm sorry. You're right.

322
00:22:10,964 --> 00:22:12,165
You go ahead.

323
00:22:12,232 --> 00:22:13,666
And he's a pacifist.

324
00:22:14,668 --> 00:22:19,539
He has survived on a strict policy
of conflict avoidance, like Gandhi.

325
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:25,450
No!

326
00:22:26,146 --> 00:22:28,948
Birkenstock sandals,
wheatgrass!

327
00:22:29,490 --> 00:22:31,184
****ing basket****!

328
00:22:39,726 --> 00:22:43,329
No, I really...
I have nothing against pacifists.

329
00:22:43,396 --> 00:22:47,670
I just wanna beat
the **** out of them.

330
00:22:47,233 --> 00:22:52,305
? This is my message to you ??

331
00:22:55,775 --> 00:23:00,513
Wow, I mean...
You have a beautiful voice.

332
00:23:00,613 --> 00:23:03,830
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Yeah.

333
00:23:03,149 --> 00:23:06,586
Hey, have you ever heard
of this place, Graceland?

334
00:23:07,687 --> 00:23:10,790
Elvis was a fraud.
He ripped off the black man.

335
00:23:11,224 --> 00:23:15,428
Oh. I don't know.
I've just always wanted to go there.

336
00:23:15,528 --> 00:23:17,897
Yeah, me too.
Yeah.

337
00:23:18,310 --> 00:23:21,801
Graceland would be cool.
Yeah. Yeah, it would be.

338
00:23:23,169 --> 00:23:27,407
I was adamant it was a dumb idea,
so I did what I never do with her.

339
00:23:27,507 --> 00:23:30,643
I told her no. And you can
probably guess what happened next.

340
00:23:35,215 --> 00:23:39,486
She left a note,
and then she hit the road.

341
00:23:44,691 --> 00:23:47,360
Does anyone else get
the irony in that?

342
00:23:48,395 --> 00:23:49,396
Huh?

343
00:23:49,729 --> 00:23:52,265
I'm so worried,
you guys.

344
00:23:52,365 --> 00:23:55,702
They're travelling all that way,
and all they have is a ****ing guitar.

345
00:23:55,835 --> 00:24:00,600
Yeah, with no intention of ever swinging
it at anything. You know, because he's a hippie.

346
00:24:00,106 --> 00:24:04,440
She's supposed be killing the dead, not following them.
Oh, God.

347
00:24:04,110 --> 00:24:07,447
There's something going on out there.
What?

348
00:24:07,514 --> 00:24:12,485
Berkeley told us about this new kind
of zombie that's stronger, and faster,

349
00:24:12,552 --> 00:24:15,188
and deadlier and better adapted
to the hunt.

350
00:24:16,189 --> 00:24:20,794
What? I'm sorry, but that sounds totally made up.
I mean, if you want us to come with you, just, like, ask us.

351
00:24:20,927 --> 00:24:24,864
Honestly, I just came back for guns and ammunition.
Sure. Come on. Stop begging. We'll do it.

352
00:24:24,964 --> 00:24:26,866
You know, this is all your fault.
Me?

353
00:24:26,966 --> 00:24:29,336
If you hadn't pushed her away...
Well, not exactly.

354
00:24:29,436 --> 00:24:32,572
No, I didn't just run from him.
She ran from you too.

355
00:24:34,174 --> 00:24:35,175
What?

356
00:24:36,643 --> 00:24:41,810
You... You mean well,
but you're kind of overbearing.

357
00:24:42,820 --> 00:24:46,520
Oh, right. I'm overbearing?
She's not a kid anymore.

358
00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:49,589
Yeah, she's not a kid, but I don't know,
it sounds like she needs us.

359
00:24:49,689 --> 00:24:51,958
Whatever.
We're gonna go get her.

360
00:24:52,959 --> 00:24:54,160
We ride at dawn.

361
00:24:55,161 --> 00:24:57,731
Once she's safe,
I'm going my own way.

362
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:03,870
So no goodbye, just like...

363
00:25:03,970 --> 00:25:05,772
Yeah, I'm terrible at notes.
A lame note.

364
00:25:05,839 --> 00:25:08,575
Yeah, I know.
You mentioned that in the note.

365
00:25:10,443 --> 00:25:11,444
I...

366
00:25:13,546 --> 00:25:16,783
I might have overreacted
a little bit.

367
00:25:16,883 --> 00:25:19,285
I mean, the proposal kind
of spooked me.

368
00:25:20,453 --> 00:25:22,355
You know what I'm trying to say.

369
00:25:23,923 --> 00:25:25,792
Oh, God. I'm sorry.

370
00:25:25,925 --> 00:25:27,761
You know how hard it is
for me to say that

371
00:25:27,927 --> 00:25:31,898
because I hate women who are always apologising
for things they have no reason to apologise for.

372
00:25:31,998 --> 00:25:37,671
But in this particular instance,
I actually am really sorry.

373
00:25:39,673 --> 00:25:41,675
Well, thank you.
That actually does mean a lot.

374
00:25:42,809 --> 00:25:44,944
I don't know.
Maybe this could be like a...

375
00:25:45,450 --> 00:25:46,713
Like a turning point for us.

376
00:25:47,714 --> 00:25:49,549
Yeah, maybe.

377
00:25:49,649 --> 00:25:51,951
Columbus, you coming back to bed?

378
00:25:57,924 --> 00:25:58,925
Wow.

379
00:25:59,693 --> 00:26:00,894
Oh, boy.

380
00:26:00,994 --> 00:26:02,829
I mean, wow!

381
00:26:06,199 --> 00:26:09,869
Glad we had this little talk.
Real turning point.

382
00:26:11,705 --> 00:26:12,706
Hi.

383
00:26:15,508 --> 00:26:18,311
Is that your sister?
Oh, ****.

384
00:26:22,949 --> 00:26:25,552
You definitely don't need any help. Cool.
No, I've got it.

385
00:26:25,652 --> 00:26:26,986
The Beast is back.

386
00:26:27,870 --> 00:26:30,123
I cannot wait
to get my hands behind the...

387
00:26:31,157 --> 00:26:33,159
What the ****?

388
00:26:34,427 --> 00:26:37,330
No, no, no.

389
00:26:37,397 --> 00:26:41,835
No way is that GD minivan
even sniffing at Graceland,

390
00:26:41,935 --> 00:26:48,108
home to perhaps America's finest automobile,
Elvis' 1955 Fleetwood Series 60.

391
00:26:49,175 --> 00:26:54,981
No. You know, it takes a real man
to drive a pink Cadillac.

392
00:26:55,810 --> 00:26:56,750
Might make that a rule of my own.

393
00:26:58,318 --> 00:27:00,487
On second thought, **** that,
rules are for pussies.

394
00:27:00,587 --> 00:27:03,623
Nothing personal.
How could it not be personal? That's my whole thing.

395
00:27:03,723 --> 00:27:06,960
Yeah, you're right. It was personal.
Yeah. Come on. It's gonna be okay.

396
00:27:07,270 --> 00:27:09,863
Even Tallahassee knows
beggars can't be choosers.

397
00:27:09,963 --> 00:27:13,867
Vehicles with working batteries
and parts are way scarcer nowadays,

398
00:27:13,967 --> 00:27:16,403
thanks to years of neglect
and decline.

399
00:27:16,469 --> 00:27:17,537
Breakaway mirror.

400
00:27:17,637 --> 00:27:19,406
We can't be so picky anymore.

401
00:27:19,472 --> 00:27:21,608
Clear.
What? Oh, okay.

402
00:27:21,675 --> 00:27:22,809
Boo-ya!

403
00:27:22,876 --> 00:27:23,877
Okay.

404
00:27:28,548 --> 00:27:29,749
This never happened.

405
00:27:29,849 --> 00:27:32,552
I'll get the door.
I got it. I'm gonna lay in the back.

406
00:27:34,354 --> 00:27:36,156
Oh, catch.
Oh!

407
00:27:36,256 --> 00:27:38,925
Shoot. Ha, ha. I got it!

408
00:27:38,992 --> 00:27:42,395
What in the butt?

409
00:27:42,495 --> 00:27:44,230
Ah, ****.
What?

410
00:27:44,330 --> 00:27:45,465
Hi!
Hi.

411
00:27:47,767 --> 00:27:50,470
Are we dropping her off
at a no-kill animal shelter or something?

412
00:27:50,570 --> 00:27:53,840
Come on, she's a human being.
We're not gonna, like, leave her here alone.

413
00:27:53,907 --> 00:27:56,976
Yeah, we can't just leave Columbus' girlfriend.
Okay.

414
00:27:58,144 --> 00:27:59,379
A minivan. Nice.

415
00:27:59,479 --> 00:28:02,820
I won't feel guilty.
You left me in the harshest way possible.

416
00:28:02,215 --> 00:28:04,351
You recovered pretty quickly.
Well, thank you.

417
00:28:04,451 --> 00:28:05,518
Can you help me?

418
00:28:05,585 --> 00:28:06,986
I got it.
Okay.

419
00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:09,422
It's just, like, heavy. Thank you.
No problem.

420
00:28:09,522 --> 00:28:12,792
Go ahead, get in.
Okay. You are so nice.

421
00:28:21,735 --> 00:28:24,771
Makkapitew, Askuwheteau,
Sunukkuhkau...

422
00:28:24,838 --> 00:28:26,272
Is he having a seizure?

423
00:28:26,373 --> 00:28:31,511
I'm trying out Blackfoot names, so full shushy
or you go back in your mall fridge.

424
00:28:31,611 --> 00:28:32,912
Okay.
Oh.

425
00:28:33,130 --> 00:28:35,849
I didn't tell you.
We met at the mall.

426
00:28:35,915 --> 00:28:39,850
Yeah.
I was living there.

427
00:28:39,152 --> 00:28:40,987
Like Dawn of the Dead.

428
00:28:41,870 --> 00:28:44,457
Last I checked,
it's the post-acropolis.

429
00:28:44,557 --> 00:28:49,863
It was so sad when the acropolis struck.
Yeah, I know.

430
00:28:50,300 --> 00:28:54,434
Hey, Madison, can you remind me, when we first met,
did you point a gun at me and steal my car?

431
00:28:54,534 --> 00:28:59,606
No. When we first met,
I told you you were really smart.

432
00:28:59,673 --> 00:29:03,109
Oh, yeah.
And then I slept with you.

433
00:29:03,209 --> 00:29:04,778
That's right. You did.

434
00:29:07,213 --> 00:29:10,500
Road trip! Here we go!

435
00:29:10,116 --> 00:29:12,318
This is gonna be a long drive.

436
00:29:21,428 --> 00:29:24,264
I love the smell of gunpowder
in the morning.

437
00:29:24,364 --> 00:29:26,933
I'm more of a patchouli oil guy myself.

438
00:29:28,201 --> 00:29:32,105
You don't...
You don't have weed, do you?

439
00:29:32,205 --> 00:29:35,442
I've always wanted to smoke
way too much weed.

440
00:29:35,508 --> 00:29:39,279
Do I look like the type of person
that would have weed on me?

441
00:29:39,346 --> 00:29:43,490
Oh, no. I w... That... I'm sorry, that was...
Boom, yeah.

442
00:29:44,718 --> 00:29:46,986
Of course I do. Oh, I love weed.
You got me there.

443
00:29:47,870 --> 00:29:49,756
Look. I mean, look at me.
Yeah.

444
00:29:50,123 --> 00:29:54,961
I just wanted to say it's really nice
to have another woman around.

445
00:29:56,596 --> 00:29:57,664
Yeah.

446
00:29:57,764 --> 00:30:00,834
Like,
to talk about relationships.

447
00:30:00,934 --> 00:30:03,203
Recipes.
Rings.

448
00:30:04,204 --> 00:30:06,406
Oh, my God.

449
00:30:06,473 --> 00:30:08,141
Oh, my God.
Oh, ****.

450
00:30:09,576 --> 00:30:10,877
I know.

451
00:30:10,944 --> 00:30:14,180
I found it in the bedside drawer.
I think it belonged to the first lady or...

452
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:19,319
You know what? I think you're right.
It did belong to the first lady.

453
00:30:19,386 --> 00:30:23,523
Well, I think it was given to the first lady,
but she heartlessly rejected it.

454
00:30:23,590 --> 00:30:26,826
What kind of idiot would turn down
a ring like this?

455
00:30:27,827 --> 00:30:30,997
Maybe an idiot who didn't
wanna be weighed down.

456
00:30:31,998 --> 00:30:34,834
Anchored. Chained to something immobile.
Hm.

457
00:30:38,438 --> 00:30:41,708
Oh, ****. Are you okay?
Oh, shoot!

458
00:30:41,808 --> 00:30:43,376
Forgot the seatbelt rule.

459
00:30:43,476 --> 00:30:45,712
So she knows the rules?

460
00:30:45,812 --> 00:30:47,514
I mean,
I told her just a few of them.

461
00:30:47,614 --> 00:30:50,450
Seventy-three. Are there more?
Nope, that's it.

462
00:30:51,351 --> 00:30:54,954
I gotta check this out.
You guys have spent a lot of time together, huh?

463
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:56,556
That's sweet.

464
00:30:56,656 --> 00:30:59,590
You're cute together.
I like it.

465
00:30:59,559 --> 00:31:00,827
Aww.

466
00:31:09,235 --> 00:31:10,603
This looks promising.

467
00:31:17,877 --> 00:31:20,547
He's so flexible.

468
00:31:20,647 --> 00:31:22,882
That's what's so great about him.
He's very bendy.

469
00:31:22,949 --> 00:31:26,152
Ohio, whenever you're done with that...
What? Yeah.

470
00:31:29,289 --> 00:31:30,290
Ah!

471
00:31:30,623 --> 00:31:33,460
What? No.
No, no, no. No way. Nonstarter.

472
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:35,528
You know how I feel
about clowns.

473
00:31:35,595 --> 00:31:37,397
No, not that.
What?

474
00:31:37,464 --> 00:31:39,366
That.
Oh.

475
00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:43,300
Looks good.

476
00:31:45,380 --> 00:31:46,673
Can I see?
Hm?

477
00:31:46,806 --> 00:31:48,410
Can I see?

478
00:31:48,108 --> 00:31:50,143
Yeah. Here you go.

479
00:31:50,243 --> 00:31:51,244
Yeah.

480
00:31:54,214 --> 00:31:57,317
The old man is so tiny.

481
00:31:57,384 --> 00:31:59,586
Can you see that?
Ha, ha, ha.

482
00:31:59,719 --> 00:32:01,821
What's-his-name, you're so tiny.

483
00:32:01,921 --> 00:32:04,524
Now you're not. Now you are.

484
00:32:04,591 --> 00:32:06,593
Now you're not. Now you are.
Now you're not.

485
00:32:06,693 --> 00:32:08,628
Tiny. Big. Tiny!

486
00:32:08,728 --> 00:32:11,998
She is adorable.
She is. I'm lucky.

487
00:32:12,650 --> 00:32:13,867
Tiny. Big. Tiny.

488
00:32:15,969 --> 00:32:17,404
Look, you're overreacting, okay?

489
00:32:17,437 --> 00:32:18,872
Madison's not, like, a real thing.

490
00:32:18,972 --> 00:32:21,708
It was just circumstance.
It was, like, a lack of options.

491
00:32:21,808 --> 00:32:23,743
You could say the same thing about us.
What?

492
00:32:23,843 --> 00:32:27,747
Circumstance, lack of options.
Really? You really think that?

493
00:32:27,881 --> 00:32:31,384
Whereas you two seem like soul mates.
Destined to share deep, intellectual thoughts.

494
00:32:31,484 --> 00:32:35,155
Maybe you're right, maybe we are soul mates,
okay? Because she's nice, all right?

495
00:32:35,255 --> 00:32:38,558
And I'm nice. And you're not.
You're mean.

496
00:32:38,625 --> 00:32:41,270
Whatever. I'm not mean.
Yeah, you're kind of mean.

497
00:32:41,127 --> 00:32:42,595
Well, my sister is missing.

498
00:32:42,696 --> 00:32:45,465
She could be dead, and you're screwing
some Forever 21-year-old.

499
00:32:45,565 --> 00:32:48,702
So if I wanna be mean, I'll be mean.
I don't have the right shoes for this.

500
00:32:48,835 --> 00:32:51,671
Oh, you could borrow a pair of my strappy sandals.
Really?

501
00:32:51,771 --> 00:32:52,772
Mm-hm.

502
00:32:54,574 --> 00:32:58,111
Kidding. You... She was ki...
You guys are all very sarcastic.

503
00:32:58,211 --> 00:33:01,281
Yeah, they're not nice people.
Sorry about that. Just try to ignore them.

504
00:33:01,348 --> 00:33:02,349
Yeah. Yeah.

505
00:33:02,449 --> 00:33:04,751
Ignore us.
Please, God, ignore us.

506
00:33:04,851 --> 00:33:05,952
See? Mean.

507
00:33:08,688 --> 00:33:10,790
All right!

508
00:33:10,890 --> 00:33:12,425
This is what I'm talking about.

509
00:33:12,525 --> 00:33:14,861
We're finally gonna be riding in style.

510
00:33:14,961 --> 00:33:18,465
You guys, I partied with 3 Doors Down
in one of these. It was so...

511
00:33:18,598 --> 00:33:20,400
Oh, ****.

512
00:33:25,380 --> 00:33:26,720
What?

513
00:33:27,407 --> 00:33:29,442
Man, we're getting good at this.
Columbus.

514
00:33:29,476 --> 00:33:30,477
Tallahassee.

515
00:33:30,944 --> 00:33:34,481
The hood is 12 o'clock, trunk is 6. You're our eyes.
Yes.

516
00:33:35,882 --> 00:33:37,784
Hey, don't worry, you guys.

517
00:33:37,884 --> 00:33:40,887
They are much more afraid of us
than we are of them.

518
00:33:40,954 --> 00:33:43,623
God, that is not even
remotely true.

519
00:33:43,723 --> 00:33:45,325
Well, what do I do?

520
00:33:45,392 --> 00:33:47,627
You know how cheerleaders form a pyramid?
Yeah.

521
00:33:47,761 --> 00:33:51,310
You know how the three on the bottom anchor the pyramid?
Oh, yeah.

522
00:33:51,131 --> 00:33:54,340
I don't give a **** what you do,
just stay out of my way.

523
00:33:54,134 --> 00:33:56,436
Okay, 8 o'clock.
Eight o'clock.

524
00:33:56,536 --> 00:33:59,739
Did you say the front was 12?
Oh, **** me. Sorry. Two o'clock.

525
00:33:59,839 --> 00:34:02,709
Eleven! Eleven! Seven-thirty!

526
00:34:02,809 --> 00:34:04,844
Six o'clock. Six!

527
00:34:04,911 --> 00:34:06,460
I'll get 6.

528
00:34:08,148 --> 00:34:09,149
****. One-fifteen.

529
00:34:09,215 --> 00:34:11,518
One-thirteen, 1:20. I don't know.
It's moving that way.

530
00:34:11,584 --> 00:34:14,200
Why is everyone shouting numbers?
Eleven!

531
00:34:14,988 --> 00:34:15,989
Twelve!
Six!

532
00:34:17,557 --> 00:34:18,692
Two o'clock!

533
00:34:19,192 --> 00:34:20,193
Eight.

534
00:34:21,561 --> 00:34:23,163
Six o'clock.
****.

535
00:34:27,330 --> 00:34:28,668
One o'clock. Six-thirty.

536
00:34:30,704 --> 00:34:32,372
Ten! Eight!

537
00:34:32,439 --> 00:34:34,741
Eight o'clock! Eight!
****.

538
00:34:35,775 --> 00:34:36,743
****!

539
00:34:42,515 --> 00:34:45,151
Narsty!
Thank you.

540
00:34:45,251 --> 00:34:46,252
You're welcome.

541
00:34:46,252 --> 00:34:47,153
One o'clock!

542
00:34:47,153 --> 00:34:49,356
Two-thirty! Three! One!

543
00:34:51,910 --> 00:34:52,492
Okay. I'll get 3.

544
00:34:54,427 --> 00:34:55,829
Right on time, Columbus.

545
00:34:57,263 --> 00:34:58,365
One o'clock!
Ten-thirty!

546
00:35:01,534 --> 00:35:02,802
Eleven! Eleven!

547
00:35:02,869 --> 00:35:04,504
Actually, you know what,
it's a Homer.

548
00:35:04,604 --> 00:35:08,410
Abort! Abort 11. Don't waste a bullet.
Hawking!

549
00:35:08,108 --> 00:35:10,477
Hawking!
What? Oh, ****. Oh, ****.

550
00:35:16,490 --> 00:35:17,517
Ha-ha-ha! Yay!

551
00:35:19,319 --> 00:35:21,721
Ah! He's trying to bite me!
Ninja! Ninja!

552
00:35:21,788 --> 00:35:23,123
Oh, my God!

553
00:35:24,758 --> 00:35:26,826
You saved me.

554
00:35:26,926 --> 00:35:28,261
All right. Settle down.

555
00:35:31,865 --> 00:35:35,502
Hey, Tal, 1 o'clock.
Pardon me, Pop-Tart.

556
00:35:35,602 --> 00:35:37,203
Not quite done yet.

557
00:35:46,613 --> 00:35:47,881
What the ****?

558
00:35:52,452 --> 00:35:54,354
Try to dodge me, mother****er.

559
00:35:56,156 --> 00:36:02,195
This was our first T-800,
named for the Terminator it-****ing-self.

560
00:36:03,763 --> 00:36:05,265
Tal?
Yup?

561
00:36:09,536 --> 00:36:12,339
T-800s were a mutated strain
of zombie,

562
00:36:12,472 --> 00:36:15,675
stronger, deadlier
and harder to kill.

563
00:36:17,877 --> 00:36:20,280
One plus one is still two,
right?

564
00:36:26,986 --> 00:36:31,570
They were the apex predator,
top of the food chain.

565
00:36:31,157 --> 00:36:33,993
Single-minded and relentless
like their namesake,

566
00:36:34,940 --> 00:36:38,431
once they locked on to a target, T-800s stopped
at nothing to devour their prey.

567
00:36:39,432 --> 00:36:41,735
What the ever-loving ****?

568
00:36:54,347 --> 00:36:55,348
Ew.

569
00:36:55,915 --> 00:36:58,685
Seeing that T-800 firsthand
was all the more worrisome

570
00:36:58,752 --> 00:37:03,323
knowing that Little Rock was out there
with nothing but a hippie and a guitar.

571
00:37:04,424 --> 00:37:08,895
? Like a rolling stone ??

572
00:37:11,197 --> 00:37:14,467
Okay. That song is amazing.

573
00:37:14,567 --> 00:37:15,602
Did you write that?

574
00:37:18,104 --> 00:37:20,240
Wa... Was that a dumb question?

575
00:37:20,306 --> 00:37:23,343
Sorry, I was like 11 when the zombies took over.
Not a dumb question.

576
00:37:23,443 --> 00:37:26,513
I was laughing because you think
I'd play you some stupid cover song.

577
00:37:26,646 --> 00:37:27,747
No, of course I wrote it.

578
00:37:27,847 --> 00:37:30,917
If you love that, then you're
really gonna love this.

579
00:37:30,984 --> 00:37:34,754
But it's a work in progress,
so be gentle.

580
00:37:36,189 --> 00:37:40,994
? If I leave here tomorrow ?

581
00:37:43,630 --> 00:37:47,867
? Would you still remember me? ??

582
00:37:50,603 --> 00:37:53,873
? Well, I must be travelling
on now ?

583
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:57,477
A poem by Tallahassee.

584
00:37:57,544 --> 00:38:03,817
Travelling to Graceland
in comfort and class

585
00:38:03,917 --> 00:38:08,722
That Pontiac Trans Sport can
kiss my ass

586
00:38:08,788 --> 00:38:10,924
Whoo-hoo!

587
00:38:11,157 --> 00:38:13,126
Here we go, baby!

588
00:38:14,394 --> 00:38:17,430
Let's go see the King
and let's go get Little Rock!

589
00:38:22,969 --> 00:38:24,504
? 'Cause I'm as free... ??

590
00:38:28,608 --> 00:38:31,444
Did... Did we just get...
Shorter?

591
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:34,981
I say we take the clown car.

592
00:38:36,216 --> 00:38:39,652
No, no, no. No! That is a deal-breaker.
No ****ing clowns!

593
00:38:47,270 --> 00:38:51,164
In moments of great dishonour such as this,

594
00:38:51,231 --> 00:38:56,200
ancient samurai warriors
were required to commit seppuku,

595
00:38:56,690 --> 00:39:01,740
or ritual suicide by disembowelment.

596
00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:07,447
My mom had this car.

597
00:39:07,514 --> 00:39:09,349
So did mine.
So did mine.

598
00:39:13,186 --> 00:39:15,880
****ing minivan.

599
00:39:15,155 --> 00:39:17,157
Back on the road. Yay.

600
00:39:27,767 --> 00:39:30,300
I've always wanted
to start a business

601
00:39:30,700 --> 00:39:34,774
where strangers drive strangers
around in their car for money.

602
00:39:35,809 --> 00:39:38,878
Let's say you were really drunk
and you needed a ride home.

603
00:39:38,945 --> 00:39:42,315
You'd just get online
and hop right in with a stranger.

604
00:39:42,449 --> 00:39:44,984
And they'd take you
anywhere you wanna go.

605
00:39:45,850 --> 00:39:47,200
Oh, yeah.
Who then kills you.

606
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:50,490
Yeah.
They'd have gum or, like, lollipops.

607
00:39:50,557 --> 00:39:52,580
That was what my parents taught me.

608
00:39:52,192 --> 00:39:57,664
They were like, "If a stranger offers you
candy or gum, get in their car." Great idea.

609
00:39:57,764 --> 00:40:01,201
If they try to murder you, you can have
a point system, so you can rate them.

610
00:40:01,267 --> 00:40:03,737
If they try to murder you, like,
"You get zero points."

611
00:40:03,903 --> 00:40:07,273
But if they don't try to murder you, "You get five points."
Okay.

612
00:40:07,374 --> 00:40:09,676
Madison, I think
it is a very good idea.

613
00:40:09,843 --> 00:40:15,448
That's... No, I cannot see that going wrong.
All I'm saying is the taxi industry was very flawed.

614
00:40:18,451 --> 00:40:20,620
Uh.
Are you okay?

615
00:40:20,720 --> 00:40:24,324
I think I'm, like, hot. I'm hot.
Yeah?

616
00:40:24,491 --> 00:40:28,428
Mm-hm. I'm so used to being in the freezer
all the time. Get this off.

617
00:40:28,528 --> 00:40:30,764
Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure.
Yeah, that makes sense.

618
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:38,471
I feel funny.
My tongue...

619
00:40:39,606 --> 00:40:41,508
My tongue...
My tongue...

620
00:40:41,608 --> 00:40:44,577
Hey, boss? You're gonna wanna pull over.
Yeah?

621
00:40:44,678 --> 00:40:45,679
No.
Pull over.

622
00:40:45,679 --> 00:40:47,914
No, we're making good progress here.
Pull over!

623
00:40:48,140 --> 00:40:51,840
Yeah, yeah.
Okay. Okay. Okay.

624
00:40:57,424 --> 00:40:58,425
Oh.
Oh.

625
00:40:58,558 --> 00:40:59,559
Chunkage.

626
00:40:59,592 --> 00:41:01,394
I don't know,
maybe she'll pull through.

627
00:41:01,528 --> 00:41:04,597
What do you mean? You are the one
who always says "don't take chances."

628
00:41:06,833 --> 00:41:09,436
So who wants
to do the honours?

629
00:41:10,637 --> 00:41:16,543
I mean, personally, I wouldn't mind,
but I don't want you guys calling me selfish.

630
00:41:16,676 --> 00:41:21,114
Hey, come on. She is a living, thinking being.
Okay? She's a living being.

631
00:41:21,214 --> 00:41:25,919
Look, I know you guys are
in love or whatever,

632
00:41:25,985 --> 00:41:28,321
but in two minutes,
she's gonna become a:

633
00:41:30,323 --> 00:41:34,561
A zombie, not a velociraptor.
And it's the right thing to do.

634
00:41:34,627 --> 00:41:40,333
If you love something, you shoot it in the face
so it doesn't become a flesh-eating monster.

635
00:41:41,835 --> 00:41:44,270
I know.
She's making a good point.

636
00:41:44,371 --> 00:41:49,809
Maybe it's time for you
to be the Brave Little Toaster.

637
00:41:55,682 --> 00:41:59,452
They say when something bad happens,
you have three choices:

638
00:41:59,552 --> 00:42:03,123
Let it define you, destroy you
or strengthen you.

639
00:42:06,593 --> 00:42:08,361
Time to teach Lennie
about the rabbits.

640
00:42:13,867 --> 00:42:17,437
No! Don't come with me! Don't come with me!
Madison, Madison, please.

641
00:42:17,504 --> 00:42:19,739
Madison, please. Please, please.
Don't hurt me!

642
00:42:19,839 --> 00:42:21,274
No, no, no!
Wait. Listen to me!

643
00:42:21,374 --> 00:42:22,475
Please. Wait.
No, no, no!

644
00:42:22,609 --> 00:42:24,678
Madison, just wait.
I'm a monster.

645
00:42:24,744 --> 00:42:26,479
I'm a monster.
Please, please, please.

646
00:42:26,546 --> 00:42:29,820
Listen. I realise that we don't
know each other that well.

647
00:42:29,149 --> 00:42:33,787
I mean, well, we do in the biblical sense, yes.
But I think you're a really great person.

648
00:42:36,723 --> 00:42:37,824
Well, not now.

649
00:42:40,226 --> 00:42:41,394
I'm sorry.

650
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:56,309
Thanks.

651
00:42:57,310 --> 00:42:58,945
Can we just...

652
00:42:59,450 --> 00:43:02,749
I'm so sorry.
All right. Just... Come on, come on, let's go.

653
00:43:14,427 --> 00:43:18,365
I'm not gonna lie and say
that I'm broken up about it, but...

654
00:43:20,734 --> 00:43:22,602
I am sorry.

655
00:43:22,669 --> 00:43:24,671
She didn't deserve that.
Thanks, man.

656
00:43:24,771 --> 00:43:25,805
Thanks.
He's right.

657
00:43:26,906 --> 00:43:29,376
That's a terrible way to go,
even for...

658
00:43:31,311 --> 00:43:33,880
Oh, come on. It's Madison. You know that.
Madison. Madison.

659
00:43:33,947 --> 00:43:37,417
Yes, you know that, okay? Her name is Madison.
Or her name was Madison.

660
00:43:37,517 --> 00:43:39,486
You know, and she was
a real person, okay?

661
00:43:39,552 --> 00:43:43,356
She had, you know, complex feelings
and emotions and interests.

662
00:43:43,490 --> 00:43:48,561
You know, she liked dolphins and rainbows,
you know? And double rainbows.

663
00:43:48,628 --> 00:43:50,930
I'm agreeing.
It's sad.

664
00:43:50,997 --> 00:43:52,999
Okay.
That is obviously not what I wanted.

665
00:43:53,660 --> 00:43:55,735
What is it that you do want?
I wanna find my sister.

666
00:43:55,802 --> 00:43:56,870
Me too.

667
00:43:56,970 --> 00:43:58,605
Good.
Good.

668
00:43:58,672 --> 00:44:01,410
Good. Great. Awesome.
Great, in fact. Great.

669
00:44:01,107 --> 00:44:02,909
This is gonna be a long drive.

670
00:44:14,187 --> 00:44:15,188
This is it.

671
00:44:16,256 --> 00:44:21,227
Hey, little buddy, don't be cruel to me
for waking you up, but we're here.

672
00:44:22,295 --> 00:44:25,310
Oh! Oh, my God.

673
00:44:25,131 --> 00:44:27,267
Oh, my God.

674
00:44:28,868 --> 00:44:34,240
Every choice I've ever made in my life
has been leading me to this moment right here,

675
00:44:34,307 --> 00:44:37,210
right now,
Three seven six four Elvis Presley Boulevard.

676
00:44:37,310 --> 00:44:40,680
I feel like a 1954 teenybopper.

677
00:44:40,747 --> 00:44:41,915
And here comes...

678
00:44:44,517 --> 00:44:45,518
No.

679
00:44:48,288 --> 00:44:50,256
No, no, no!

680
00:44:50,357 --> 00:44:52,959
Hey, dude, if you need
a moment or...

681
00:44:53,260 --> 00:44:55,628
Oh, my God.
No Graceland.

682
00:44:55,729 --> 00:44:57,364
No Beast.

683
00:44:57,430 --> 00:45:00,166
No Little Rock.
No Little Rock?

684
00:45:00,233 --> 00:45:06,706
Am I not allowed one ****-sucking
duck-****ing little break in this world?

685
00:45:06,806 --> 00:45:08,842
You're not the only one
that's upset.

686
00:45:08,908 --> 00:45:12,612
Just... Just drive.
Drive, drive. Drive now!

687
00:45:12,679 --> 00:45:14,547
Get away from here. Go!

688
00:45:18,451 --> 00:45:20,487
Graceland was
a pile of rubble,

689
00:45:20,553 --> 00:45:23,957
Little Rock was still missing,
and we were unsure of our next move.

690
00:45:24,240 --> 00:45:26,693
But sometimes, you just have
to follow the signs.

691
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:27,761
Hm.

692
00:45:28,995 --> 00:45:30,897
When Z-land serves you lemons...

693
00:45:33,660 --> 00:45:35,368
Hey, Florida, 11 o'clock.

694
00:45:38,505 --> 00:45:39,939
What?

695
00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:44,110
Hound Dog Hotel.
Oh, what a bunch of bull.

696
00:45:46,790 --> 00:45:48,882
Whoa! The Beast!
Little Rock!

697
00:45:56,756 --> 00:45:59,392
****. Wow,

698
00:45:59,492 --> 00:46:03,430
for a place that ain't Graceland, it sure
looks a hell of a lot like Graceland.

699
00:46:03,530 --> 00:46:06,666
Yeah, it does.
Here's the idea. We'll split up. I'll go this way.

700
00:46:06,766 --> 00:46:08,468
No, no, no.
I should talk to her.

701
00:46:08,568 --> 00:46:11,938
I'm her sister. I'll talk to her first. You guys stay here.
Sound.

702
00:46:14,841 --> 00:46:16,276
Bop, bop, bop!

703
00:46:16,609 --> 00:46:19,450
Little respect.
Why? He's dead probably.

704
00:46:19,412 --> 00:46:21,614
Oh. Oh, for you.
Okay.

705
00:46:24,117 --> 00:46:26,252
This is so degrading.
It's not for me.

706
00:46:26,319 --> 00:46:27,354
Yeah, I know.

707
00:46:28,588 --> 00:46:30,230
Okay.

708
00:46:30,123 --> 00:46:33,760
Oh, yeah. That's not... Push it.
Smells like a wet dog died.

709
00:46:33,827 --> 00:46:35,662
I am. Okay.
Square peg, round hole. Stop.

710
00:46:35,762 --> 00:46:36,763
Sorry.

711
00:46:41,201 --> 00:46:43,703
Oh, my God.
It's uncanny.

712
00:46:43,803 --> 00:46:45,710
This is incredible.

713
00:46:46,720 --> 00:46:49,642
It's a perfect fit. I feel like
Cinderella at the ball.

714
00:46:49,709 --> 00:46:52,946
What, are you jealous that I have
the exact same size shoe as Elvis Presley?

715
00:46:53,947 --> 00:46:57,417
No. It's not like those are
Elvis' actual shoes.

716
00:47:01,287 --> 00:47:02,288
Sorry.

717
00:47:22,575 --> 00:47:25,845
? Well, I never been to Spain ?

718
00:47:29,249 --> 00:47:30,283
Little Rock?

719
00:47:35,388 --> 00:47:38,725
?...ladies are insane there ?

720
00:47:41,494 --> 00:47:45,650
? And they sure know
how to use it ?

721
00:47:50,870 --> 00:47:54,507
? Well,
I've never been to heaven ??

722
00:47:57,877 --> 00:48:00,460
Start talking.
You first.

723
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:03,283
Hi, my name's Tallahassee.
Nevada.

724
00:48:03,383 --> 00:48:05,985
Which part?
Nevada's as close as you get.

725
00:48:06,860 --> 00:48:07,987
Now, what are you doing
in the Hound Dog?

726
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:11,124
I got a thing for the King.

727
00:48:12,592 --> 00:48:14,260
No, no, no,
don't shoot my friends.

728
00:48:15,562 --> 00:48:18,640
Anybody else in here with you?
No, no. Just us.

729
00:48:18,164 --> 00:48:20,633
We're all civilised people.
Let's just put the guns down.

730
00:48:21,568 --> 00:48:24,537
Why the hell are you wearing
Elvis' actual shoes?

731
00:48:24,637 --> 00:48:25,772
Comfort.

732
00:48:27,374 --> 00:48:29,476
You live here?
Yeah.

733
00:48:29,576 --> 00:48:32,212
So that car out front, the girl
who was driving it, is she...

734
00:48:32,679 --> 00:48:35,682
Gone. She and that poser
peace lover of hers...

735
00:48:35,749 --> 00:48:37,350
Berkeley.
Berkeley.

736
00:48:38,351 --> 00:48:39,586
...took off a few days ago.

737
00:48:39,686 --> 00:48:42,822
And trust me, they shouldn't have.
It's not safe out there.

738
00:48:42,922 --> 00:48:45,725
**** it.
Why didn't they take the Beast?

739
00:48:45,792 --> 00:48:51,631
He said it was too "establishment."
Oh, I will kill that little fart snack myself.

740
00:48:51,765 --> 00:48:56,200
You're lucky I didn't do the same to you. Seriously.
You know how close I came to Murraying you?

741
00:48:59,272 --> 00:49:00,407
To what-ing him?

742
00:49:01,441 --> 00:49:03,243
Murraying him.

743
00:49:03,309 --> 00:49:06,279
You know, when you shoot someone
because you think they're a zombie.

744
00:49:06,346 --> 00:49:08,148
Apparently,
that's how Bill Murray died.

745
00:49:09,349 --> 00:49:12,819
Wow. God, who's Bill Murray?
I never... I don't even know what that is.

746
00:49:12,919 --> 00:49:17,230
Oh, the actor. That's so sad.
I don't read, like, Variety or anything.

747
00:49:17,123 --> 00:49:19,726
So sad. Sorry if you knew him.
If you didn't, I'm still sorry.

748
00:49:19,793 --> 00:49:22,462
It's sad when anybody dies.
Sounds like an urban legend though.

749
00:49:22,562 --> 00:49:25,198
It happened.
I doubt it. It's weird. What?

750
00:49:28,268 --> 00:49:34,240
I'll say this about Murray, if I ever
find out who did him, I'm gonna do him.

751
00:49:34,307 --> 00:49:36,843
Me too. I'll be...
You first, but me second.

752
00:49:36,910 --> 00:49:39,746
Don't listen to this guy.
He's killed more celebrities than cocaine.

753
00:49:39,846 --> 00:49:43,149
The girl that was here before,
did she say where she was going?

754
00:49:43,249 --> 00:49:48,880
No, but that idiot Berkeley
wouldn't shut up about it.

755
00:49:48,154 --> 00:49:51,858
Babylon is a commune, safe haven,
protected on all sides.

756
00:49:51,958 --> 00:49:55,261
Completely pacifist.
No guns or violence of any kind.

757
00:49:55,362 --> 00:49:59,320
A lot of young people too, you know.
Generation Z living in peace and harmony.

758
00:49:59,132 --> 00:50:00,233
Yeah, it sounds cool.

759
00:50:00,333 --> 00:50:06,306
I know you had your heart set on this Graceland,
but this is mucho, mucho better.

760
00:50:13,413 --> 00:50:18,852
This is a very good replica of the King's Jungle Room,
where he recorded his last two albums.

761
00:50:18,918 --> 00:50:22,689
From Elvis Presley Boulevard,
Memphis, Tennessee and...

762
00:50:22,756 --> 00:50:23,757
And Moody Blue.

763
00:50:24,924 --> 00:50:26,226
You know your Elvis.

764
00:50:27,594 --> 00:50:30,563
Every lover of
the King has a story.

765
00:50:31,765 --> 00:50:33,660
What's yours?

766
00:50:33,166 --> 00:50:37,404
My mama took me to see Elvis
when I was a kid. Something about him.

767
00:50:37,470 --> 00:50:40,874
Attitude, the music...
The hips, the ****.

768
00:50:41,975 --> 00:50:45,311
Well, I was 10, but, you know, with Elvis,
there is something for everyone.

769
00:50:45,412 --> 00:50:49,582
Cut to later, I'm in high school.
And my buddy Frankie Hammond says:

770
00:50:50,884 --> 00:50:52,886
"Do your Elvis."

771
00:50:52,952 --> 00:50:56,222
I said, "We're in a library.
It's gonna be loud."

772
00:50:56,322 --> 00:50:59,926
He convinces me. He starts
tapping his pencil, and I get up.

773
00:51:03,863 --> 00:51:08,968
? You ain't nothing but a hound dog
Crying all the time ?

774
00:51:10,170 --> 00:51:14,374
Everybody starts gathering around
and clapping, and I jumped on a table.

775
00:51:14,441 --> 00:51:15,809
I finish off with a flourish.

776
00:51:15,875 --> 00:51:20,180
? You ain't never caught a rabbit
You ain't no friend of mine ??

777
00:51:21,214 --> 00:51:24,417
Yeah! And the whole place,
thunderous applause.

778
00:51:24,551 --> 00:51:27,620
And up comes the cutest girl
in the school,

779
00:51:27,721 --> 00:51:31,825
Robin Rogers, who never gave me
the time of day before.

780
00:51:31,925 --> 00:51:34,160
She plants a kiss on my cheek.

781
00:51:34,227 --> 00:51:38,431
And for a moment, just one,
I felt like the King.

782
00:51:41,401 --> 00:51:44,304
I suddenly feel a little jealous
of Robin Rogers.

783
00:51:45,505 --> 00:51:47,440
Ahem.
You don't say.

784
00:51:49,642 --> 00:51:51,244
I don't know about you...

785
00:51:52,746 --> 00:51:54,547
but I feel my temperature rising.

786
00:52:03,189 --> 00:52:05,925
This is Babylon.

787
00:52:05,992 --> 00:52:08,628
Oh, like those ancient hanging gardens.

788
00:52:09,362 --> 00:52:11,464
Huh?
Of Babylon.

789
00:52:11,564 --> 00:52:14,701
No, no. It's named
for that cool David Gray song.

790
00:52:14,801 --> 00:52:16,770
Man, I wish I'd written that one.

791
00:52:17,837 --> 00:52:20,674
No guns allowed is our one rule.

792
00:52:20,774 --> 00:52:23,760
That, and no group ****.
All right. Hand them over.

793
00:52:26,546 --> 00:52:27,547
Here you go.

794
00:52:28,815 --> 00:52:31,151
No guns. No guns.
Just hugs.

795
00:52:31,251 --> 00:52:32,986
Then welcome.

796
00:52:33,860 --> 00:52:37,424
Come on, señorita. You're gonna love this place.
It's completely safe and entirely organic.

797
00:52:37,524 --> 00:52:39,225
This is so cool.
All right.

798
00:52:39,292 --> 00:52:41,995
We're gonna melt your guns over here
and then give you a pendant.

799
00:52:42,950 --> 00:52:43,830
They melt it?
Yeah, they melt it.

800
00:52:43,830 --> 00:52:45,231
It's a symbolic thing.

801
00:52:45,331 --> 00:52:48,435
Goodbye, violence.
Hello, peace.

802
00:52:48,601 --> 00:52:52,505
Once we're done here, we'll take you up
to the rooftop. I hope you like stairs.

803
00:52:52,605 --> 00:52:53,640
That's good.

804
00:52:57,410 --> 00:52:59,679
Thanks.
Welcome to Babylon.

805
00:52:59,746 --> 00:53:01,581
Let me show you the way.

806
00:53:01,681 --> 00:53:02,782
Right on.

807
00:53:07,320 --> 00:53:08,922
Hey, brother. What's up?

808
00:53:08,988 --> 00:53:10,790
Hi.
Yeah.

809
00:53:28,875 --> 00:53:33,790
Wake up, my little blue suede baby.
It's now or never.

810
00:53:33,146 --> 00:53:34,147
Hoo!

811
00:53:34,314 --> 00:53:37,417
My friends say you're
sleeping like a tired pup.

812
00:53:39,586 --> 00:53:40,653
What the ****?

813
00:53:41,988 --> 00:53:43,289
****.

814
00:53:50,960 --> 00:53:52,465
Oh, no, no, no!

815
00:53:52,532 --> 00:53:54,467
This is not happening!

816
00:53:54,534 --> 00:53:57,570
This is not ****ing happening!

817
00:53:57,671 --> 00:53:59,739
Hey, mother****er,
that's my ride!

818
00:53:59,906 --> 00:54:05,612
Oh, my apologies, tiny Elvis. Just didn't
expect anything to be parked in my driveway.

819
00:54:05,745 --> 00:54:06,880
Your driveway?

820
00:54:08,515 --> 00:54:11,151
That's right.
My driveway.

821
00:54:11,217 --> 00:54:14,821
Well, that's funny. When I parked
in it, no one told me to pull out.

822
00:54:16,890 --> 00:54:18,491
Well, actually,
it's my driveway.

823
00:54:18,591 --> 00:54:20,293
Hey, Nevada.

824
00:54:20,427 --> 00:54:25,265
But see, when I'm in town,
I use it.

825
00:54:25,331 --> 00:54:28,702
Well, I'm in town now,
and I'm using it.

826
00:54:28,768 --> 00:54:33,740
Keep talking like this, and I can arrange
so neither of you ever uses my driveway again.

827
00:54:33,840 --> 00:54:36,976
I don't think they're talking about the driveway.
No, I don't think so.

828
00:54:37,770 --> 00:54:39,446
You happy now? Great. Good move.
Satisfied? Good job.

829
00:54:39,546 --> 00:54:42,282
Is it me, or does he kind of remind you of...?
Yeah, it's weird.

830
00:54:42,382 --> 00:54:45,510
I don't like you at all.
I don't like you at all.

831
00:54:45,151 --> 00:54:46,419
It's not weird,
it's creepy.

832
00:54:46,553 --> 00:54:51,324
It's like an un-funhouse mirror.
I think you double-parked or more perpendicular-parked.

833
00:54:51,424 --> 00:54:53,393
Hope we don't get a ticket.
Whoa.

834
00:54:53,460 --> 00:54:55,462
Calm down. It's okay.
I'm just ragging you.

835
00:54:55,595 --> 00:54:58,640
What is going on here?
What?

836
00:54:58,131 --> 00:55:00,133
What do you mean, "what"?
What?

837
00:55:00,233 --> 00:55:02,969
Does he not remind you of...?
Hello everyone.

838
00:55:03,770 --> 00:55:05,171
Of...
Of what?

839
00:55:05,305 --> 00:55:07,540
This is Albuquerque. I'm Flagstaff.
Howdy.

840
00:55:07,640 --> 00:55:08,808
Hey.
I'm Columbus.

841
00:55:08,908 --> 00:55:09,909
Oh, great.

842
00:55:11,778 --> 00:55:14,214
This is Tallahassee, Wichita,
and I guess you know Nevada.

843
00:55:14,314 --> 00:55:16,549
Yes, I do.
Easy, cowboy.

844
00:55:16,616 --> 00:55:22,222
So sorry about your ex-car. I guess,
as I like to say, expect the unexpected.

845
00:55:23,289 --> 00:55:24,824
It's one of my commandments.
Oh.

846
00:55:26,393 --> 00:55:27,394
Commandments?
Yeah.

847
00:55:27,394 --> 00:55:30,363
Just sort of guidelines for staying alive.
I've got loads of them.

848
00:55:30,463 --> 00:55:32,966
Interesting.
Yeah, number one is teamwork.

849
00:55:33,990 --> 00:55:36,803
Teamwork. That's so great.
Thanks. I actually spent a long time thinking about it.

850
00:55:36,903 --> 00:55:40,730
I have rules, you know, which is, like, less biblical.
Love rules.

851
00:55:40,106 --> 00:55:42,308
Without rules,
everything's chaos.

852
00:55:42,409 --> 00:55:44,811
Thank you.
Columbus has quite a few rules.

853
00:55:44,911 --> 00:55:46,120
I do.
Awesome.

854
00:55:46,790 --> 00:55:46,980
Like what?

855
00:55:46,980 --> 00:55:49,349
I don't wanna toot my own horn.
Go on, toot, toot.

856
00:55:49,416 --> 00:55:51,551
Let me toot for him.
Thank you.

857
00:55:51,618 --> 00:55:54,521
Number one, cardio.
That's right.

858
00:55:54,621 --> 00:55:55,689
Cardio.
Okay.

859
00:55:55,789 --> 00:55:57,757
What?
I don't mean to laugh.

860
00:55:57,824 --> 00:56:01,828
It's just that cardiovascular fitness
is his number 29,

861
00:56:01,928 --> 00:56:05,165
meaning he has 28 other commandments
that he finds more important,

862
00:56:05,265 --> 00:56:07,767
like, say,
what's one of your great ones?

863
00:56:07,867 --> 00:56:09,202
Number 12.

864
00:56:09,302 --> 00:56:12,772
The world is your bathroom, meaning you can
just whip it out wherever you want,

865
00:56:12,872 --> 00:56:13,840
and just have at it.

866
00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:17,444
Oh, just whip it out wherever you want!
That sounds a little uncouth.

867
00:56:17,577 --> 00:56:21,748
The "whip it out" part's for guys, obviously.
If you're a woman, you can reveal it.

868
00:56:22,816 --> 00:56:24,984
Whichever.
I have beware of bathrooms.

869
00:56:25,510 --> 00:56:27,187
Yeah, I'm just generally careful
around them.

870
00:56:27,253 --> 00:56:30,156
We don't have to compare. It's not a competition.
Doesn't have to be.

871
00:56:30,190 --> 00:56:32,325
But number 18 is limber up.

872
00:56:32,425 --> 00:56:34,260
But that's...
That's fine. I have warm up.

873
00:56:34,361 --> 00:56:38,798
Again, not a competition,
but commandment number 45 for me is,

874
00:56:38,865 --> 00:56:39,933
well, mind your manners.

875
00:56:40,660 --> 00:56:42,769
Just because it's the apocalypse
doesn't mean you have to be rude.

876
00:56:42,869 --> 00:56:45,705
Yeah, keep your hands to yourself, number 42.
Do you have sunscreen?

877
00:56:45,772 --> 00:56:47,574
Just shade.
Shade. Of course.

878
00:56:47,674 --> 00:56:50,543
It's free. It's everywhere.
Yeah. Number two, double tap.

879
00:56:50,610 --> 00:56:54,470
I have number five, confirm your kill.
Confirm your kill.

880
00:56:54,147 --> 00:56:57,170
Avoid perishables. Do you have that?
Sorry. Ziploc bags.

881
00:56:57,117 --> 00:56:59,185
Same thing, different word. Yeah.
Yeah. Exactly.

882
00:56:59,252 --> 00:57:01,388
I probably would shy away
from the word "Ziploc"

883
00:57:01,488 --> 00:57:03,890
because I try
to avoid name brands.

884
00:57:03,189 --> 00:57:06,192
Okay, great. So, what brought
you guys back so soon?

885
00:57:06,259 --> 00:57:09,162
We was headed for the Rockies,
but the god**** Bolts...

886
00:57:09,295 --> 00:57:10,330
Bolts?

887
00:57:10,430 --> 00:57:12,732
Yeah.
Yeah, the zombies out on the plains.

888
00:57:12,832 --> 00:57:14,868
They're a lot tougher than
what we're used to.

889
00:57:14,934 --> 00:57:19,973
I guess because of all the running and hunting.
So we call them Bolts, as in Usain.

890
00:57:20,140 --> 00:57:23,443
As in pretty ****ing athletic.
Oh, yeah. No, that makes total sense.

891
00:57:23,543 --> 00:57:26,460
We actually call them T-800s.
Terminator. Yes! I love it.

892
00:57:26,146 --> 00:57:28,682
Really?
Yes. Literally my favourite movie. Well, T2.

893
00:57:28,715 --> 00:57:31,518
Yeah, T2 is my second favourite movie.
What's number one?

894
00:57:32,652 --> 00:57:33,820
It's Fantasia.

895
00:57:35,550 --> 00:57:40,126
Well, anyhow, the Bolts' food sources are running low,
so they're pushing east, which is no bueno.

896
00:57:40,226 --> 00:57:42,228
You know what else is
no bueno?

897
00:57:43,229 --> 00:57:45,650
You murdered the Beast.

898
00:57:45,198 --> 00:57:50,503
Yeah, well, let me call AAA
for you. I'm sure they'll be right over.

899
00:57:50,570 --> 00:57:52,806
So you have
to play your cards as...

900
00:57:52,906 --> 00:57:55,942
That onesie was starting
to cut off my circulation.

901
00:57:56,900 --> 00:57:57,911
To your vagina?

902
00:57:57,977 --> 00:57:58,945
Your vagina.

903
00:57:58,945 --> 00:58:03,616
What'll you have, Florida?
He strikes me as the lemon drop type.

904
00:58:03,717 --> 00:58:06,586
You know, something with an umbrella
or something like that.

905
00:58:06,720 --> 00:58:10,256
I heard "something with an umbrella." Make it two.
Three please. Three.

906
00:58:10,357 --> 00:58:11,658
So that's your sidekick.

907
00:58:12,659 --> 00:58:13,927
That there's my partner.

908
00:58:13,960 --> 00:58:19,990
You might look at Flagstaff and think,
"Oh, he's a little slight, diminutive."

909
00:58:19,199 --> 00:58:22,969
Effeminate even, but he's a real beast
in battle. Yeah.

910
00:58:23,690 --> 00:58:25,538
Come on now. You're being sweet.
You sweet, sweet man.

911
00:58:25,638 --> 00:58:26,906
Thank you.
Well, I love you.

912
00:58:26,973 --> 00:58:27,907
Love you too.

913
00:58:27,907 --> 00:58:33,413
Yeah, you know, Tubbs to my Crockett over here.
He may look a little bookish, but he's an animal too.

914
00:58:33,513 --> 00:58:36,116
He eats zombies for breakfast,
****s them out by lunch.

915
00:58:36,216 --> 00:58:37,217
Cheers.

916
00:58:37,217 --> 00:58:39,252
He ****s out everything
by lunch.

917
00:58:42,489 --> 00:58:43,890
What the hell was that?

918
00:58:48,661 --> 00:58:50,296
They must have
****ing followed you.

919
00:58:50,296 --> 00:58:52,265
Oh, God, those are T-800s.

920
00:58:52,332 --> 00:58:54,134
Or at the very least T-700s.

921
00:58:54,234 --> 00:58:56,903
There actually was no T-700.
Yeah, T-800's the first model.

922
00:58:56,970 --> 00:59:00,507
This is great, having two of you.
Okay.

923
00:59:00,573 --> 00:59:02,542
Time to nut up or shut up.

924
00:59:02,676 --> 00:59:05,412
That saying's very 2009.

925
00:59:09,490 --> 00:59:10,417
Okay.
We got this.

926
00:59:10,717 --> 00:59:11,718
Ho!

927
00:59:11,918 --> 00:59:14,540
You don't send
a boy to do a man's job.

928
00:59:14,154 --> 00:59:16,423
We brought them here.
We'll take care of it.

929
00:59:16,489 --> 00:59:18,892
Yeah, you know what?
Have at them.

930
00:59:19,250 --> 00:59:22,620
Yeah, you have a safe word in case things go bad?
Ha. That's good.

931
00:59:22,228 --> 00:59:25,565
Come on, Flag, let's show these ****ers how it's done.
Sure. You got it, boss.

932
00:59:26,900 --> 00:59:29,335
Hasta la vista, baby.
Terminator 2.

933
00:59:29,436 --> 00:59:30,570
Remember?

934
00:59:30,670 --> 00:59:31,671
Whoo! Ready, buddy?

935
00:59:31,738 --> 00:59:33,173
He's so cool.

936
00:59:33,973 --> 00:59:36,242
Whoo! Hell!
Suck these bullets!

937
00:59:36,276 --> 00:59:37,610
Come on! Get you some!

938
00:59:37,744 --> 00:59:41,140
Anybody else find those two uniquely annoying?
Get it!

939
00:59:41,114 --> 00:59:43,249
Uniquely?
No.

940
00:59:45,151 --> 00:59:46,853
Well,
I don't love their chances.

941
00:59:46,953 --> 00:59:49,656
And they ignored rule 52,
don't be afraid to ask for help.

942
00:59:49,756 --> 00:59:51,991
Get ****ed in the face,
****! Whoo!

943
00:59:52,580 --> 00:59:53,493
Flagstaff?
Yeah, boss?

944
00:59:53,593 --> 00:59:56,696
You made the all-star team today.
I mean, no kidding.

945
00:59:56,796 --> 00:59:57,997
Unbelievable job.

946
00:59:58,980 --> 01:00:01,968
And is it me, or are those Bolts
just getting meaner by the day?

947
01:00:02,680 --> 01:00:03,336
They're full-blown ****heads.

948
01:00:03,436 --> 01:00:07,273
I got an action shot of you
that's going right into the scrapbook.

949
01:00:07,340 --> 01:00:08,608
This is gonna be a good one.

950
01:00:08,708 --> 01:00:13,913
You just keep raising the bar, and that's why
we will continue to ride these highways together.

951
01:00:13,980 --> 01:00:16,282
I'm so proud of you.
Well, I learned from the best.

952
01:00:16,383 --> 01:00:17,317
Oh, come on now.

953
01:00:17,317 --> 01:00:19,652
Nice work, Querq.
Thank you. Thank you.

954
01:00:19,786 --> 01:00:23,757
This is gonna be a hell of a shot.
It's so cool he let you wear the hat.

955
01:00:24,824 --> 01:00:26,259
Querq?
Yeah?

956
01:00:26,359 --> 01:00:28,395
I think you got
a little something here.

957
01:00:30,897 --> 01:00:32,298
Oh, what that?

958
01:00:33,800 --> 01:00:37,170
Oh, yeah, that's just...
That's just a tattoo.

959
01:00:39,305 --> 01:00:46,120
Sorry, you got a tattoo of a zombie bite?
No, it's just a tattoo I got one night in Bernalillo.

960
01:00:48,214 --> 01:00:51,151
All right, everybody.
Just take it easy.

961
01:00:51,217 --> 01:00:53,153
Everything's fine.

962
01:00:53,219 --> 01:00:55,955
Nevada, why don't you whip up
some of your signature...

963
01:01:00,260 --> 01:01:02,162
All right.
That was a little weird, huh?

964
01:01:02,929 --> 01:01:05,665
Yeah.
All right. Just calm down.

965
01:01:05,732 --> 01:01:07,901
We'll just kind of have a drink, you know.

966
01:01:08,902 --> 01:01:12,720
So we can just kind of celeb...
Celeb...

967
01:01:15,750 --> 01:01:19,412
Excuse me. It's okay. It's just nerves
from the fight. Just...

968
01:01:21,314 --> 01:01:24,517
You guys, I think Albuquerque
might be infected.

969
01:01:24,584 --> 01:01:26,319
Me? I'm infected?

970
01:01:27,420 --> 01:01:28,655
You got bit twice.

971
01:01:28,755 --> 01:01:29,656
Flagstaff!

972
01:01:29,656 --> 01:01:32,692
No, no, no. That's a lie.
Trust me. Okay? Trust me.

973
01:01:32,792 --> 01:01:36,463
I don't get bit. I never get bit.
I know. I don't get bit either. We're slippery.

974
01:01:36,529 --> 01:01:37,864
See?
I know. Are you okay?

975
01:01:37,931 --> 01:01:39,966
I'm fine. I'm totally fine. I'm fine.
You are?

976
01:01:40,660 --> 01:01:42,202
I'm fine.
Okay. Okay, guys, he's fine. He's fine.

977
01:01:43,236 --> 01:01:44,871
No, he's not fine.
No.

978
01:01:44,938 --> 01:01:48,842
No. Flagstaff, you're starting to look
like a T-800. Terminator 2.

979
01:01:51,144 --> 01:01:52,345
No. No, no, no!

980
01:01:53,613 --> 01:01:54,614
No!

981
01:01:56,816 --> 01:01:58,752
Move! Move!
Get out of the way.

982
01:02:05,910 --> 01:02:06,426
No! No!

983
01:02:07,994 --> 01:02:10,897
Flagstaff, you're breaking
like 10 commandments right now!

984
01:02:17,137 --> 01:02:19,439
This is for what you did
to the Beast!

985
01:02:21,574 --> 01:02:22,575
Sorry!

986
01:02:24,344 --> 01:02:25,478
How you doing?
Bad!

987
01:02:25,578 --> 01:02:27,113
How are you?
Bad!

988
01:02:28,848 --> 01:02:30,817
Sorry, shoes. Sorry, Elvis.

989
01:02:37,757 --> 01:02:38,758
Oh, ****.

990
01:02:40,794 --> 01:02:43,663
How you doing now?
Still bad! You wanna switch?

991
01:02:43,730 --> 01:02:45,732
Switch? How would that benefit me?

992
01:02:54,574 --> 01:02:55,575
****!

993
01:03:02,782 --> 01:03:03,717
Help!

994
01:03:03,717 --> 01:03:06,753
Shoot him! Shoot him!
I don't wanna hit you!

995
01:03:11,458 --> 01:03:12,525
****.

996
01:03:12,659 --> 01:03:15,295
Gun, gun, gun! ****!

997
01:03:18,231 --> 01:03:20,100
Stop shooting!
I got this!

998
01:03:20,200 --> 01:03:21,668
Great, because I'm reloading!

999
01:03:30,610 --> 01:03:33,780
Don't swing! Don't swing!
Don't swing! Swing!

1000
01:03:34,547 --> 01:03:35,548
****.

1001
01:03:36,516 --> 01:03:39,185
No, no, no, not me!
Not me! Oh, ****!

1002
01:03:39,252 --> 01:03:41,388
Hasta la vista, baby.

1003
01:03:42,489 --> 01:03:44,724
Thank you.
Thank you very much.

1004
01:03:45,992 --> 01:03:47,460
Those guys were ****s.

1005
01:03:49,262 --> 01:03:51,464
Great job.
Thank you.

1006
01:03:52,298 --> 01:03:54,501
Can I wear the hat?
Oh, negatory.

1007
01:03:54,634 --> 01:03:55,502
Cool.

1008
01:03:55,502 --> 01:03:57,137
Zombie Kill of the Year?

1009
01:03:59,139 --> 01:04:03,900
Sorry. Not with the performance just
turned in by Matteo Bianchi of Pisa, Italy.

1010
01:04:03,143 --> 01:04:06,980
Help! I'm a lost tourist
with two defenceless children.

1011
01:04:08,248 --> 01:04:09,249
Help!

1012
01:04:12,252 --> 01:04:14,487
****ing sons of ****es!

1013
01:04:18,580 --> 01:04:20,600
Yeah, yeah. That Pisa.

1014
01:04:20,160 --> 01:04:21,961
You won't eat me.

1015
01:04:22,629 --> 01:04:24,330
Not today!

1016
01:04:31,710 --> 01:04:32,806
Go **** yourselves!

1017
01:04:34,740 --> 01:04:35,608
Bravisimmo, Mateo.

1018
01:04:38,545 --> 01:04:43,917
Ahh. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!
Jesus, Big Fat Death is right.

1019
01:04:43,983 --> 01:04:46,619
That thing is, like,
a huge rollover risk.

1020
01:04:46,720 --> 01:04:47,721
It is.

1021
01:04:48,455 --> 01:04:51,240
Hey, dude, I think you should
ask her to come with us.

1022
01:04:51,891 --> 01:04:55,195
No, no, no.
Come on. I think they make a nice match.

1023
01:04:55,261 --> 01:04:59,232
Look, what have I been telling you guys?
I'm trying to shed baggage, not pick it up.

1024
01:04:59,332 --> 01:05:03,803
Yeah.
Besides, she wouldn't do that. She's not the type.

1025
01:05:07,400 --> 01:05:08,608
Stay safe,
Sunshine State.

1026
01:05:10,510 --> 01:05:11,644
Excuse me.

1027
01:05:16,349 --> 01:05:18,840
Stay dangerous, Nevada.

1028
01:05:20,153 --> 01:05:22,422
If by some miracle you don't die...

1029
01:05:24,240 --> 01:05:26,726
there's always room
in my driveway.

1030
01:05:29,329 --> 01:05:30,864
I best stay alive.

1031
01:05:33,533 --> 01:05:35,268
Okay, you're back.
Good.

1032
01:05:35,335 --> 01:05:37,370
So do you know how to drive
one of these things?

1033
01:05:37,470 --> 01:05:43,176
I'm gonna just pop that puppy off of there
and then you guys can jump in.

1034
01:05:43,243 --> 01:05:44,244
Nice.

1035
01:05:46,813 --> 01:05:49,582
She's a big old stallion,
but I can tame her.

1036
01:05:57,900 --> 01:05:58,910
Whoo!

1037
01:06:02,128 --> 01:06:03,129
Oh, ****.

1038
01:06:07,333 --> 01:06:09,703
I think he's got the hang of it.
****!

1039
01:06:11,137 --> 01:06:12,172
No. No, no.
No, no, no.

1040
01:06:12,272 --> 01:06:15,410
God**** mother****er!

1041
01:06:15,141 --> 01:06:16,142
Got it.

1042
01:06:23,249 --> 01:06:25,552
****, ****, ****!

1043
01:06:25,652 --> 01:06:26,920
****!

1044
01:06:27,200 --> 01:06:28,621
Maybe you should leave a note.

1045
01:06:30,123 --> 01:06:31,358
That's your department.

1046
01:06:36,329 --> 01:06:39,699
I...
I just can't do it.

1047
01:06:39,766 --> 01:06:41,101
Yeah.
I'll drive.

1048
01:06:47,707 --> 01:06:49,409
What was that?

1049
01:06:50,577 --> 01:06:51,711
Satisfying.

1050
01:06:57,484 --> 01:07:01,321
Teamwork. Always put the team first.
I can't believe I didn't have that. Stupid.

1051
01:07:01,421 --> 01:07:03,723
You know,
if Flagstaff was so great,

1052
01:07:03,823 --> 01:07:10,196
then where was the undeniably gorgeous
but emotionally inaccessible Kansas City?

1053
01:07:10,330 --> 01:07:14,134
I don't know. Maybe she split because
she thought they had a random relationship.

1054
01:07:14,267 --> 01:07:20,640
Or maybe she was just about to come back under
the thinly veiled cover of needing guns and ammo.

1055
01:07:21,641 --> 01:07:23,443
Wait, what are you getting at?

1056
01:07:24,377 --> 01:07:27,514
I think you're smart enough
to figure it out...

1057
01:07:27,614 --> 01:07:28,848
Oh, my God.

1058
01:07:28,948 --> 01:07:30,417
You gotta be kidding me.

1059
01:07:31,418 --> 01:07:32,485
You gotta be kidding me.

1060
01:07:33,753 --> 01:07:38,910
You gotta be kidding me!
You gotta be ****ing kidding me.

1061
01:07:38,191 --> 01:07:39,659
Why the hell is she still alive?

1062
01:07:39,726 --> 01:07:42,495
Oh, my God,
I literally missed you guys.

1063
01:07:42,662 --> 01:07:44,531
Yay!
Oh, my God.

1064
01:07:48,680 --> 01:07:49,469
Just...
No, just look ahead.

1065
01:07:49,536 --> 01:07:52,205
Hi, old guy!

1066
01:07:52,305 --> 01:07:53,606
Let's hang out.

1067
01:07:53,740 --> 01:07:57,243
It is so weird to see you.
The last time I saw you, you were like a...

1068
01:07:57,344 --> 01:07:59,120
You were a zombie.
I wish.

1069
01:07:59,112 --> 01:08:01,470
Stupid nut allergy.

1070
01:08:01,147 --> 01:08:02,682
Nut allergy?
Yeah.

1071
01:08:02,782 --> 01:08:05,251
Yeah, I think it was the trail mix
that Wichita gave me.

1072
01:08:05,352 --> 01:08:07,420
Yeah, who knew there were nuts
in trail mix.

1073
01:08:07,487 --> 01:08:09,422
Not me. I thought it was vegan.

1074
01:08:09,522 --> 01:08:14,894
I kept trying to tell you it was only an allergic reaction,
but you thought I was trying to bite you.

1075
01:08:14,961 --> 01:08:17,797
Yeah, well...
Not that you minded last time.

1076
01:08:19,666 --> 01:08:21,468
Thank you
for shooting over my head.

1077
01:08:21,534 --> 01:08:23,603
I was reallyjust trying
to scare you off.

1078
01:08:23,703 --> 01:08:25,505
You're not gonna get rid
of me that easy.

1079
01:08:25,572 --> 01:08:27,240
Oh, no!
Ha, ha, ha.

1080
01:08:27,340 --> 01:08:33,790
There I was hiding in the woods,
when I thought, "I used to live in a freezer,

1081
01:08:33,179 --> 01:08:35,148
so why not a freezer on wheels?"

1082
01:08:35,215 --> 01:08:37,217
Can't argue with that logic.

1083
01:08:37,283 --> 01:08:39,185
I really miss this.

1084
01:08:40,286 --> 01:08:42,622
Was that sarcasm?
Was it?

1085
01:08:43,723 --> 01:08:44,724
Mm-hm.

1086
01:08:49,229 --> 01:08:51,798
Why wouldn't we just move to an island?

1087
01:08:51,898 --> 01:08:55,702
That's a really good idea.
Because then there wouldn't be zombies.

1088
01:08:55,769 --> 01:08:58,838
Of course.
We should go to Temptation Island.

1089
01:09:00,674 --> 01:09:02,609
Hey, hey, hey.

1090
01:09:02,709 --> 01:09:03,610
What?
Hey, hey.

1091
01:09:03,610 --> 01:09:05,412
Hey, hey. Hey, hey.
Hey, hey.

1092
01:09:06,413 --> 01:09:08,148
Just...
Just eyes on the road.

1093
01:09:08,214 --> 01:09:10,850
Do you want me to change
the CD or anything?

1094
01:09:10,950 --> 01:09:12,485
Is this a CD playing?

1095
01:09:12,585 --> 01:09:15,880
Yeah. It's Port... It's Portishead.
What is this?

1096
01:09:16,322 --> 01:09:18,425
This is Portishead?
Yeah. You know what's funny?

1097
01:09:18,525 --> 01:09:23,396
I used to think it was called "Portashed" until I went
to one of the concerts, and she explained.

1098
01:09:23,530 --> 01:09:25,980
Yeah, I would think "Portasheed."

1099
01:09:25,165 --> 01:09:27,133
Right. Yeah, that's funny.
Yeah.

1100
01:09:28,501 --> 01:09:31,805
It was obvious to me that Wichita
and I were meant to be together,

1101
01:09:31,905 --> 01:09:34,874
which is why Madison's return
could not have been worse timing.

1102
01:09:35,800 --> 01:09:40,180
Of course, I was glad she wasn't a zombie.
But couldn't she have just gone back to her mall fridge?

1103
01:09:42,749 --> 01:09:45,285
Hey. Hey, look, look, look.
Look.

1104
01:09:48,988 --> 01:09:49,989
Look.

1105
01:09:53,660 --> 01:09:55,795
We made it to Baby-lon.

1106
01:09:56,930 --> 01:10:01,601
If you hear more than the usual excitement
in my voice, it's for two reasons.

1107
01:10:01,701 --> 01:10:05,538
One, we may have caught up
to Little Rock, for real this time.

1108
01:10:05,672 --> 01:10:11,478
And two, we may have finally found our forever home,
which is what I've been looking for all along.

1109
01:10:13,146 --> 01:10:15,415
Babylon.
I love that song.

1110
01:10:16,416 --> 01:10:17,884
This place is soy cute.

1111
01:10:23,923 --> 01:10:26,159
Jesus!
What the ****?

1112
01:10:26,259 --> 01:10:29,362
Enjoy the little things.
My bags were in there!

1113
01:10:29,462 --> 01:10:32,132
No, they weren't.
No guns allowed!

1114
01:10:34,300 --> 01:10:36,803
I like this place already.
You got a sense of humour.

1115
01:10:36,903 --> 01:10:38,505
No guns allowed.

1116
01:10:38,605 --> 01:10:43,143
I'm not giving up my guns
under any circumstances, period-o.

1117
01:10:43,209 --> 01:10:46,460
Well, then, there's no way
you're getting up to Babylon.

1118
01:10:46,146 --> 01:10:48,248
You know, you could always wait
in the car.

1119
01:10:51,851 --> 01:10:53,753
Do you wanna see
Little Rock or not?

1120
01:11:08,368 --> 01:11:12,500
There she is.
I wouldn't know. I'm on a 40-day bowel blast.

1121
01:11:12,105 --> 01:11:13,106
Little Rock.

1122
01:11:14,374 --> 01:11:16,576
Hey.
Hi.

1123
01:11:17,510 --> 01:11:19,946
What are you guys doing here?
I am so glad you're safe.

1124
01:11:19,979 --> 01:11:22,182
Wow, okay.
Oh, my God.

1125
01:11:22,248 --> 01:11:23,249
Come here.
Hi.

1126
01:11:23,350 --> 01:11:27,187
No, seriously, what are you guys doing here?
Hey, we don't leave each other.

1127
01:11:27,253 --> 01:11:28,822
I know, I know.
I'm really sorry.

1128
01:11:28,888 --> 01:11:31,524
Make me a pact. No more notes. Ever.
No more notes. Ever.

1129
01:11:31,624 --> 01:11:32,892
Ever. Great.
Okay.

1130
01:11:32,992 --> 01:11:34,928
Just so you guys know,
there's no group ****.

1131
01:11:36,162 --> 01:11:38,198
Okay, fine, group ****.
No!

1132
01:11:38,331 --> 01:11:42,736
Hey, Wichita. That means you're Columbus,
and that makes you Tallahassee.

1133
01:11:42,802 --> 01:11:44,738
Berkeley?
You're from Berkeley?

1134
01:11:44,804 --> 01:11:46,773
You're Berkeley?
No, come on.

1135
01:11:46,873 --> 01:11:48,808
What are the chances we're
both from Berkeley?

1136
01:11:48,908 --> 01:11:50,777
Berkeley!
Calm down, calm down. Okay?

1137
01:11:50,810 --> 01:11:55,882
Thank you guys for coming to check up on me, I guess.
But you have to understand these people are peaceful,

1138
01:11:55,982 --> 01:12:00,320
and they're friendly and nice. And honestly,
I don't think you're gonna fit in here.

1139
01:12:00,420 --> 01:12:03,790
They melted our ****ing weapons!
This is exactly what I meant.

1140
01:12:03,857 --> 01:12:06,359
Guys, I think we should stay.

1141
01:12:06,459 --> 01:12:09,129
You don't get a vote.
I do get a vote.

1142
01:12:09,229 --> 01:12:11,264
Haven't you ever heard of women suffering?

1143
01:12:11,331 --> 01:12:12,665
Women suffrage?

1144
01:12:13,666 --> 01:12:15,502
No, honey.
Oh, boy.

1145
01:12:15,568 --> 01:12:17,170
Who the hell is this?
I'm Madison.

1146
01:12:17,270 --> 01:12:18,772
Don't say it.
You'll love this.

1147
01:12:18,872 --> 01:12:21,508
Don't say it.
That's Columbus' girlfriend.

1148
01:12:21,574 --> 01:12:22,876
It's official.
Wow.

1149
01:12:22,909 --> 01:12:25,545
You reallyjust didn't waste
any time, did you?

1150
01:12:25,612 --> 01:12:28,248
Well, thank you for your vote.
And you're welcome.

1151
01:12:28,348 --> 01:12:32,652
Okay. I'm late for my drum circle, so I gotta go.
Hey, Little Rock!

1152
01:12:32,752 --> 01:12:34,454
Sorry about that.

1153
01:12:44,531 --> 01:12:48,168
Seeing Little Rock safe
and surrounded by friends her own age,

1154
01:12:48,268 --> 01:12:50,503
Tallahassee realised
his nest was now empty.

1155
01:12:51,538 --> 01:12:54,641
And he began to hear
the call of the buffalo.

1156
01:13:00,613 --> 01:13:01,948
All right, I'm ready!

1157
01:13:02,816 --> 01:13:06,786
Come on, don't be so Gloria Glum.
I told you guys I was leaving.

1158
01:13:06,853 --> 01:13:08,855
So, what,
you're just gonna split?

1159
01:13:11,291 --> 01:13:15,610
It's time. Gotta set out
on my own adventures.

1160
01:13:15,128 --> 01:13:16,963
Little Rock's safe,

1161
01:13:17,630 --> 01:13:20,100
and a lone wolf's gotta hunt.

1162
01:13:21,301 --> 01:13:22,635
So where are you gonna go?

1163
01:13:22,736 --> 01:13:25,739
The direction's
the destination. West.

1164
01:13:28,408 --> 01:13:29,776
West is that way.

1165
01:13:31,211 --> 01:13:34,748
Yeah. Anyway, like the title of
a great Phil Collins song,

1166
01:13:34,814 --> 01:13:38,618
"If You Love Somebody,
Set Them Free."

1167
01:13:38,685 --> 01:13:40,754
Pretty sure that wasn't him.
Pretty sure it was.

1168
01:13:40,854 --> 01:13:43,223
No, it was someone else.
Pretty sure it was him.

1169
01:13:45,125 --> 01:13:46,826
Yeah. Peace.

1170
01:13:48,928 --> 01:13:51,464
I'm not much for goodbyes,
so...

1171
01:13:51,531 --> 01:13:55,201
Yeah, just don't say the pig thing.
Keep your **** dry.

1172
01:13:55,301 --> 01:13:57,604
Oh, okay.
Didn't see that coming, right?

1173
01:13:57,704 --> 01:13:59,105
I would've rather the pig thing.

1174
01:14:04,577 --> 01:14:05,578
Hey.

1175
01:14:06,780 --> 01:14:09,282
Hey, don't do nothing
I wouldn't not do.

1176
01:14:10,850 --> 01:14:12,986
You get what I'm saying.
Not really, no.

1177
01:14:13,530 --> 01:14:14,654
No? Okay.

1178
01:14:15,789 --> 01:14:18,725
Anyway, gonna miss you guys.

1179
01:14:27,330 --> 01:14:29,769
I will never forget you, what's-his-name.
See you, pals.

1180
01:14:29,869 --> 01:14:32,906
It's Tallahassee. I told you that.
Sally Tally!

1181
01:14:43,149 --> 01:14:47,200
? Give me a home
Where the buffalo roam ?

1182
01:14:47,870 --> 01:14:51,558
? And the deer
and the antelope play ?

1183
01:14:51,691 --> 01:14:56,620
? Where seldom is heard,
a discouraging word ?

1184
01:14:56,129 --> 01:14:57,731
? And the skies are not... ?

1185
01:15:05,472 --> 01:15:06,606
T-800s.

1186
01:15:09,442 --> 01:15:10,610
That decides it.

1187
01:15:24,724 --> 01:15:26,526
? Kumbaya ?

1188
01:15:27,894 --> 01:15:29,763
? Kumbaya, Buddha ?

1189
01:15:29,863 --> 01:15:31,640
Everybody.

1190
01:15:31,131 --> 01:15:32,799
? Kumbaya ??

1191
01:15:34,768 --> 01:15:35,769
Coming to you.

1192
01:15:37,700 --> 01:15:39,390
There it is.
Let's start again.

1193
01:15:39,139 --> 01:15:41,975
Oh, it's all right.
I got it. Excuse me.

1194
01:15:42,420 --> 01:15:43,143
Yes. I got it.

1195
01:15:43,209 --> 01:15:45,278
You're supposed to kick it back.
Really?

1196
01:15:45,412 --> 01:15:48,140
You never seen hacky sack?
Oh, I thought it's like hopscotch.

1197
01:15:50,160 --> 01:15:52,619
Salty Taffy's back!
Holy ****!

1198
01:15:52,686 --> 01:15:56,122
Hey, T-800s, a whole swarm of them,
heading right this way.

1199
01:15:56,222 --> 01:16:00,427
Those god**** fireworks
might as well be a dinner bell!

1200
01:16:00,493 --> 01:16:04,964
Stop the fireworks! Stop the music!
Everybody shut the **** up!

1201
01:16:05,650 --> 01:16:06,990
Shut up.

1202
01:16:06,166 --> 01:16:07,734
Question:

1203
01:16:07,867 --> 01:16:10,370
Did you melt all the weapons?

1204
01:16:10,470 --> 01:16:12,839
Yeah, that's how we made these
cool peace thingies.

1205
01:16:12,939 --> 01:16:14,774
Oh, Jesus.
My guns!

1206
01:16:14,841 --> 01:16:18,745
Hey. Hello. I got something going.
I think I might have a plan.

1207
01:16:19,713 --> 01:16:20,880
What?

1208
01:16:21,881 --> 01:16:23,817
I got nothing.
I'm just a songwriter.

1209
01:16:23,883 --> 01:16:25,685
No. No, you're
a song transcriber.

1210
01:16:25,785 --> 01:16:27,520
Listen, Berkeley?
Yeah?

1211
01:16:27,620 --> 01:16:29,356
I don't think
this is gonna work out.

1212
01:16:29,456 --> 01:16:33,226
Even 12-year-olds know
who Bob Dylan is, you ****ing poser.

1213
01:16:33,293 --> 01:16:37,430
Oh, my God. I'm not gonna lie,
I have truly enjoyed this moment,

1214
01:16:37,497 --> 01:16:38,965
but there are
zombies approaching.

1215
01:16:39,990 --> 01:16:43,136
Okay. Civil War general,
you must know how to fight?

1216
01:16:43,203 --> 01:16:44,404
Sure.

1217
01:16:44,504 --> 01:16:47,730
Poverty, ****ism,
social injustice.

1218
01:16:48,108 --> 01:16:50,443
We could try running.
I'm done running.

1219
01:16:50,543 --> 01:16:53,613
I mean, what good is a home
if you can't stay in it?

1220
01:16:53,747 --> 01:16:55,181
Columbus.
Yes, Thor?

1221
01:16:56,583 --> 01:16:57,917
You're making me cry right now.

1222
01:16:58,180 --> 01:16:59,419
No, please don't.
Oh, my God.

1223
01:16:59,486 --> 01:17:01,388
Okay.
I moved through it.

1224
01:17:01,454 --> 01:17:03,923
Now from where I stand,
there's only one thing we can do.

1225
01:17:04,240 --> 01:17:05,825
Group ****. Right?

1226
01:17:07,127 --> 01:17:08,128
No.

1227
01:17:10,230 --> 01:17:11,498
We'll fight them.

1228
01:17:12,432 --> 01:17:15,602
You'll be the first to die,
but I like your enthusiasm.

1229
01:17:15,702 --> 01:17:18,371
You might die.
Thank you for your sacrifice.

1230
01:17:21,608 --> 01:17:23,777
All right,
everybody, listen up.

1231
01:17:23,843 --> 01:17:27,681
They outnumber us 100 times,
but they ain't got what we do.

1232
01:17:27,781 --> 01:17:28,682
Guns?

1233
01:17:28,682 --> 01:17:29,983
We don't have guns.
What?

1234
01:17:30,500 --> 01:17:34,421
What we do have is heart,
brains and biodiesel.

1235
01:17:34,487 --> 01:17:38,191
We're gonna light these zombies up
like it's the Fourth of July.

1236
01:17:38,291 --> 01:17:42,462
Then we hit the stragglers.
What we do is we form a gauntlet.

1237
01:17:42,862 --> 01:17:46,232
Ha!
One, two, three.

1238
01:17:46,332 --> 01:17:48,768
Then we mop them up.
Sick.

1239
01:17:48,868 --> 01:17:51,705
This is gonna work, right?
It has to.

1240
01:18:01,948 --> 01:18:03,283
Rolling.

1241
01:18:09,489 --> 01:18:10,757
Keep screwing.
Yeah, I am.

1242
01:18:10,890 --> 01:18:11,891
Keep screwing.
I am.

1243
01:18:27,173 --> 01:18:28,508
No turning back now.

1244
01:18:30,176 --> 01:18:31,211
There we go.

1245
01:18:31,311 --> 01:18:32,312
Nice.

1246
01:18:35,582 --> 01:18:37,584
Yeah.
Oh, that's gonna work.

1247
01:18:40,487 --> 01:18:41,488
Oh, that's pretty.

1248
01:18:41,488 --> 01:18:44,657
That means the zombies are coming!
Okay, you guys, they're coming!

1249
01:18:44,724 --> 01:18:47,694
Time to nut up or shut up.
You need a new line.

1250
01:18:49,162 --> 01:18:50,997
Let's kick some ****s.

1251
01:18:51,970 --> 01:18:53,767
Just because it rhymes
doesn't make it a great catchphase.

1252
01:18:53,900 --> 01:18:56,403
What's her problem?
I don't know. I like it when it rhymes.

1253
01:18:59,720 --> 01:19:01,700
Here we go.
Okay.

1254
01:19:17,857 --> 01:19:18,925
The zombies are coming!

1255
01:19:19,250 --> 01:19:20,427
Oh, dear.
Look out, guys!

1256
01:19:20,460 --> 01:19:23,296
Here they come. They're coming!
Battle stations!

1257
01:19:26,833 --> 01:19:27,801
Light them up!

1258
01:19:44,250 --> 01:19:46,886
Let's go, let's go!
Get up to safety.

1259
01:20:02,680 --> 01:20:03,336
Here we go.

1260
01:20:15,782 --> 01:20:16,783
Okay now, blow!

1261
01:20:18,651 --> 01:20:22,322
Come on. Now would be
an ideal time to blow.

1262
01:20:22,422 --> 01:20:24,991
It's not working.
****.

1263
01:20:30,897 --> 01:20:31,831
God.

1264
01:20:31,831 --> 01:20:33,266
Holy ****.
It worked.

1265
01:20:33,333 --> 01:20:34,334
Oh, my God.

1266
01:20:36,200 --> 01:20:39,472
Okay. Here, now we mop up the stragglers.
Okay. Yeah.

1267
01:20:42,942 --> 01:20:46,790
Oh, ****. Would those be
considered the stragglers?

1268
01:20:46,212 --> 01:20:48,114
Oh, boy.
Here they come.

1269
01:20:49,382 --> 01:20:50,383
Get ready.

1270
01:21:00,960 --> 01:21:03,930
Kill those mother****ers!

1271
01:21:18,244 --> 01:21:20,480
Well, guys,
I hate to say this.

1272
01:21:21,681 --> 01:21:24,117
I think this might be
the end of the road.

1273
01:21:26,886 --> 01:21:28,388
Come here.
I love you guys.

1274
01:21:28,455 --> 01:21:30,523
I love you more.
We had a hell of a run.

1275
01:21:33,226 --> 01:21:34,728
Oh, my God.
They're gonna die.

1276
01:21:50,944 --> 01:21:52,780
Hey!

1277
01:21:58,952 --> 01:22:01,388
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

1278
01:22:01,454 --> 01:22:03,456
Thank God for rednecks!

1279
01:22:11,898 --> 01:22:13,500
Need a ride?
Oh, yeah.

1280
01:22:13,566 --> 01:22:14,567
Get in.
Let's go!

1281
01:22:19,139 --> 01:22:21,608
Are y'all strapped in yet?
Yep. Strapping in now.

1282
01:22:22,509 --> 01:22:23,576
Rule four.
Got it.

1283
01:22:23,643 --> 01:22:26,460
You too.
I'm not a pussy like Columbus.

1284
01:22:26,146 --> 01:22:27,180
Nothing personal.

1285
01:22:28,548 --> 01:22:30,817
Oh, God!
Seatbelts are there for a reason.

1286
01:22:30,884 --> 01:22:32,118
Yep.

1287
01:22:35,622 --> 01:22:37,290
I think I'm feeling
a little nauseous.

1288
01:22:37,390 --> 01:22:39,726
Can somebody crack a window maybe?
Oh, no, you don't.

1289
01:22:41,695 --> 01:22:43,263
Little Rock,
roll down the window.

1290
01:22:43,363 --> 01:22:44,764
If you get sick,
we all get sick.

1291
01:22:49,200 --> 01:22:50,737
Okay, okay.
Oh, God.

1292
01:22:50,870 --> 01:22:54,341
Could you just pull over so I can get
eaten by zombies? It'll be more comfortable.

1293
01:22:57,844 --> 01:22:59,790
Whoo!

1294
01:23:00,460 --> 01:23:01,481
Oh, ****. Watch out!
Do it!

1295
01:23:09,389 --> 01:23:12,692
Yee-ha!
Oh, my God, you are ****y.

1296
01:23:12,792 --> 01:23:14,861
Can you not say "****y"?
I'm already nauseous.

1297
01:23:20,100 --> 01:23:21,568
****.
****, ****, ****.

1298
01:23:22,902 --> 01:23:24,738
****.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

1299
01:23:24,871 --> 01:23:25,872
****.

1300
01:23:25,905 --> 01:23:27,374
Oh, ****.
You guys okay?

1301
01:23:27,474 --> 01:23:30,610
Thank you for flying Big Fat Death.
Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

1302
01:23:30,710 --> 01:23:32,779
I told you these things
were a huge rollover risk.

1303
01:23:32,846 --> 01:23:34,447
We gotta move!
Come on!

1304
01:23:34,547 --> 01:23:37,350
Hurry! Hurry!
They're coming!

1305
01:23:37,417 --> 01:23:39,352
Oh, no!
Come on! Here they come!

1306
01:23:39,386 --> 01:23:41,210
Go, go, go!
****.

1307
01:23:42,550 --> 01:23:43,323
Come on!
Oh, ****!

1308
01:23:43,423 --> 01:23:44,424
Come on!

1309
01:23:45,859 --> 01:23:47,293
Oh, ****!
****!

1310
01:23:55,702 --> 01:23:56,703
Thank you.

1311
01:23:57,804 --> 01:23:59,973
Yes!
Here they come!

1312
01:24:04,844 --> 01:24:06,780
Go, get in. Go, go, go!
Go, go, go!

1313
01:24:10,583 --> 01:24:11,618
Run!

1314
01:24:14,521 --> 01:24:17,691
I'm out of bullets!
Guys, go! I'm right behind you!

1315
01:24:20,694 --> 01:24:23,863
Get in position! Form the gauntlet!
I'll hold them off!

1316
01:24:27,467 --> 01:24:29,369
Donkey Kong,
mother****ers!

1317
01:24:55,128 --> 01:24:57,197
You can't write
the history of Zombieland

1318
01:24:57,297 --> 01:25:00,100
without telling the story
of one momentous day.

1319
01:25:01,134 --> 01:25:04,370
The day one free man
made the ultimate sacrifice

1320
01:25:04,137 --> 01:25:09,209
and paid respect to the Blackfoot ancestors
he may or may not have had.

1321
01:25:11,211 --> 01:25:16,216
The day he led the first, the last,
the only great American zombie jump.

1322
01:25:44,778 --> 01:25:46,446
Zombie Kill of the Year?

1323
01:25:46,546 --> 01:25:48,114
Century.

1324
01:25:48,214 --> 01:25:50,717
Only one problem.
Well, okay, two.

1325
01:25:54,540 --> 01:25:55,288
Oh!

1326
01:26:00,293 --> 01:26:01,961
Tallahassee!
Hang on, we're coming.

1327
01:26:01,961 --> 01:26:03,263
Hold on.

1328
01:26:04,640 --> 01:26:05,365
Help! I'm falling!
****!

1329
01:26:05,365 --> 01:26:07,167
We can't help you.

1330
01:26:07,267 --> 01:26:08,702
Guys! Help me!

1331
01:26:08,768 --> 01:26:11,171
****. What should we do?
Throw something at them.

1332
01:26:11,271 --> 01:26:13,940
Oh, ****. Okay.
****. Sorry.

1333
01:26:15,800 --> 01:26:17,430
You hit me in the nuts
with a hacky sack.

1334
01:26:17,143 --> 01:26:18,440
Sorry.
What?

1335
01:26:18,440 --> 01:26:20,747
I'm losing my grip.
I'm gonna fall.

1336
01:26:22,150 --> 01:26:24,417
No! Oh, no!

1337
01:26:38,431 --> 01:26:39,899
Long live the King.

1338
01:26:41,568 --> 01:26:42,902
Oh.
Ugh.

1339
01:26:43,403 --> 01:26:45,238
Guys, I'm still here!

1340
01:26:45,338 --> 01:26:47,240
Give me your hand!
Hold my arm.

1341
01:26:47,340 --> 01:26:50,430
Kick your foot out.
God**** it, Columbus!

1342
01:26:50,176 --> 01:26:52,946
Point your toe!
Human chain, this is a terrible idea!

1343
01:26:53,813 --> 01:26:56,383
I can't reach.
Kick it, kick it. I got it.

1344
01:26:56,449 --> 01:26:57,517
Pull, pull.

1345
01:26:58,510 --> 01:26:59,386
Okay. I got you.

1346
01:27:00,200 --> 01:27:01,287
Okay.

1347
01:27:01,388 --> 01:27:03,490
Oh, man.
Are you okay?

1348
01:27:03,590 --> 01:27:05,392
Yeah.
That was amazing.

1349
01:27:06,459 --> 01:27:07,494
Thank you.

1350
01:27:08,695 --> 01:27:09,763
Hey.

1351
01:27:13,330 --> 01:27:14,340
You kept the gun?

1352
01:27:14,100 --> 01:27:16,336
How could I give up my favourite
Christmas present?

1353
01:27:16,403 --> 01:27:18,171
Why didn't you
pull it out sooner?

1354
01:27:18,271 --> 01:27:21,241
I forget about it but...
I smoked a lot of weed.

1355
01:27:22,909 --> 01:27:24,411
Chip off the old block.

1356
01:27:27,647 --> 01:27:28,648
Yes.

1357
01:27:29,482 --> 01:27:30,383
Yes?

1358
01:27:30,383 --> 01:27:31,951
Oh, yes, yes?

1359
01:27:32,986 --> 01:27:34,200
Yes, yes.

1360
01:27:35,522 --> 01:27:36,623
Yes, yes, yes?

1361
01:27:36,690 --> 01:27:38,491
Yes. Yes.
Yes?

1362
01:27:38,591 --> 01:27:39,859
Really?
Mm.

1363
01:27:42,620 --> 01:27:43,763
What changed your mind?

1364
01:27:43,863 --> 01:27:46,666
Because Zombieland or not,
we're meant to be together.

1365
01:27:50,300 --> 01:27:54,874
So basically, that means
this belongs to her.

1366
01:27:54,974 --> 01:27:55,975
Oh. Huh.

1367
01:27:56,209 --> 01:27:57,210
Cool.

1368
01:27:57,944 --> 01:27:59,446
Thank you.

1369
01:27:59,546 --> 01:28:00,547
Okay.

1370
01:28:03,383 --> 01:28:05,318
Okay. Are you ready?
Yeah.

1371
01:28:05,418 --> 01:28:06,486
Okay. I'm good.
Okay.

1372
01:28:06,619 --> 01:28:09,890
Yeah, do the **** thing. Yeah.
Okay.

1373
01:28:09,189 --> 01:28:10,123
Great.

1374
01:28:10,123 --> 01:28:12,258
Which hand do I...?
This one.

1375
01:28:12,325 --> 01:28:13,760
Okay.
Okay, yes. Here we go.

1376
01:28:18,365 --> 01:28:19,399
Wow.

1377
01:28:20,867 --> 01:28:21,868
Come here.

1378
01:28:24,204 --> 01:28:26,439
Ah.
Nicely done.

1379
01:28:27,507 --> 01:28:31,411
I'm gonna walk that little
spit**** down the aisle.

1380
01:28:31,478 --> 01:28:33,146
It's a good thing
you didn't die, then.

1381
01:28:34,514 --> 01:28:35,515
Washoe County.

1382
01:28:37,984 --> 01:28:39,953
What?
Washoe County, Nevada.

1383
01:28:41,755 --> 01:28:42,722
Reno.

1384
01:28:42,722 --> 01:28:44,724
Biggest little city
in the world.

1385
01:28:50,363 --> 01:28:51,564
Just go for it.
Thank you.

1386
01:28:51,664 --> 01:28:52,665
Sweet.
Oh, my God.

1387
01:28:54,200 --> 01:28:55,135
What? What?

1388
01:28:55,135 --> 01:28:56,770
Oh, my gosh!
****!

1389
01:29:01,608 --> 01:29:04,440
Homer. It's a long way down.
Our work here is done.

1390
01:29:05,412 --> 01:29:06,880
Let's party.

1391
01:29:06,980 --> 01:29:08,515
Come on!
Yeah!

1392
01:29:09,616 --> 01:29:10,617
Wait for me.

1393
01:29:33,673 --> 01:29:38,678
Elvis' 1955 Fleetwood Series 60.

1394
01:29:38,778 --> 01:29:42,882
Every hair on my body feels
like a little wang.

1395
01:29:42,982 --> 01:29:45,251
Yikes.
Where to?

1396
01:29:46,252 --> 01:29:47,687
How about home?

1397
01:29:47,754 --> 01:29:48,688
Home?

1398
01:29:48,688 --> 01:29:50,900
Yeah.
Yes, good idea.

1399
01:29:51,991 --> 01:29:52,992
Where's home?

1400
01:29:54,694 --> 01:29:56,363
I think we're already there.

1401
01:29:57,697 --> 01:30:01,735
Because if our adventures had taught us
about anything, it was home.

1402
01:30:01,801 --> 01:30:05,972
Wichita didn't need to be afraid of it.
I didn't need to keep looking for it.

1403
01:30:06,390 --> 01:30:09,709
Because home isn't a place,
it's the people you're with.

1404
01:30:09,843 --> 01:30:13,813
I guess that's why they're called your homies.
And my homies are pretty ****ing awesome.

1405
01:30:13,880 --> 01:30:16,883
So till next time,
this is Columbus, Ohio,

1406
01:30:16,983 --> 01:30:20,353
on behalf of Wichita, Little Rock,
Reno and Tallahassee,

1407
01:30:20,453 --> 01:30:23,356
saying hasta la vista,
baby.

1408
01:30:24,357 --> 01:30:26,192
That one's for you,
Flagstaff.

1409
01:30:32,432 --> 01:30:36,603
? Lord Almighty
I feel my temperature rising ?

1410
01:30:39,205 --> 01:30:43,209
? Higher, higher
It's burning through to my soul ?

1411
01:30:46,460 --> 01:30:48,281
Oh, hey.
Yeah, sorry. One more thing.

1412
01:30:48,381 --> 01:30:50,884
I'm actually feeling a little guilty
about what Nevada said.

1413
01:30:50,950 --> 01:30:54,540
You know, about Murraying
a certain you-know-who?

1414
01:30:54,120 --> 01:30:57,323
Yeah, my bad. I blew a hole through
the finest comic actor of our generation.

1415
01:30:57,390 --> 01:31:00,160
But I would love to make it up
to you, to all of you.

1416
01:31:00,260 --> 01:31:03,960
And for that, we gotta
go back to 2009.

1417
01:31:06,766 --> 01:31:10,136
Welcome, everyone, to the
Garfield 3: Flabby Tabby junket.

1418
01:31:10,203 --> 01:31:11,805
You'll each have five minutes.

1419
01:31:11,871 --> 01:31:15,842
Please keep your questions focused
on the film and don't go off-topic.

1420
01:31:15,942 --> 01:31:21,147
The idea of a trilogy was something...
As an artist, you think the great ones:

1421
01:31:21,247 --> 01:31:22,649
Godfather and...

1422
01:31:24,417 --> 01:31:25,318
Lethal Weapon.

1423
01:31:25,318 --> 01:31:29,890
But the question is,
why in the world Garfield 3?

1424
01:31:29,155 --> 01:31:31,358
Can this be just between us?
Yes.

1425
01:31:31,458 --> 01:31:33,393
Drugs cost money.

1426
01:31:33,493 --> 01:31:38,980
And I have to say, as an actor, how many
of your nine lives do you think you have left?

1427
01:31:38,164 --> 01:31:40,633
Well, I've done three of these.
Three Garfields.

1428
01:31:41,534 --> 01:31:42,669
So that's six.

1429
01:31:42,769 --> 01:31:44,637
The essence of Garfield,
I think...

1430
01:31:44,738 --> 01:31:45,739
Right.

1431
01:31:45,805 --> 01:31:47,907
...is the hairball.

1432
01:31:48,800 --> 01:31:50,410
Didn't I say? I had a feeling
this would come up.

1433
01:31:50,477 --> 01:31:52,479
Can you give me a hairball?

1434
01:31:54,981 --> 01:31:57,830
Don't wanna do the hairball,
get it out of the way?

1435
01:31:57,217 --> 01:31:58,852
No.
Can you try now?

1436
01:31:58,918 --> 01:32:01,454
Give me a little hairball now?
Come on.

1437
01:32:04,324 --> 01:32:05,458
Come on.

1438
01:32:11,331 --> 01:32:13,366
You know, how about
if I did it with you?

1439
01:32:13,433 --> 01:32:15,368
Okay. Come on. Come on.
That was close.

1440
01:32:15,435 --> 01:32:16,970
We'll do a selfie together.

1441
01:32:18,938 --> 01:32:19,973
Great. Great.

1442
01:32:23,376 --> 01:32:24,444
You all right, man?

1443
01:32:26,212 --> 01:32:27,347
All over the mike.

1444
01:32:27,480 --> 01:32:30,750
Can we get a baby wipe for Al?
Maybe move him back to his room, please?

1445
01:32:37,557 --> 01:32:39,459
Huge fan, Mr. Roker.

1446
01:32:41,695 --> 01:32:45,732
All right, Tim, let's get out of here.
Somebody get my car. I'm ready to go.

1447
01:32:45,799 --> 01:32:48,268
I've never seen Al Roker behave that way.
That was crazy.

1448
01:32:48,368 --> 01:32:50,470
Sometimes it feels like
it's you against the world.

1449
01:32:50,570 --> 01:32:52,238
Oh, my God.
I think it is.

1450
01:32:58,878 --> 01:32:59,913
Oh, dear.

1451
01:33:01,314 --> 01:33:02,916
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.

1452
01:33:03,249 --> 01:33:04,250
Excuse me?

1453
01:33:08,321 --> 01:33:09,989
? Do what you like ?

1454
01:33:12,692 --> 01:33:13,827
Nice.

1455
01:33:19,632 --> 01:33:20,633
Help me!

1456
01:33:22,836 --> 01:33:25,505
Bill Murray! I love some of
your films. Please help me!

1457
01:33:28,742 --> 01:33:30,377
I ain't afraid of no ghost.

1458
01:33:41,121 --> 01:33:43,230
I hate Mondays.

1459
01:33:44,157 --> 01:33:48,228
? Lord Almighty
I feel my temperature rising ?

1460
01:33:50,897 --> 01:33:54,768
? Higher, higher
It's burning through to my soul ?

1461
01:33:57,337 --> 01:34:01,708
? Girl, girl, girl
You're gonna set me on fire ?

1462
01:34:03,877 --> 01:34:07,881
? My brain is flaming
I don't know which way to go ?

1463
01:34:10,417 --> 01:34:16,589
? And your kisses lift me higher
Like a sweet song of the choir ?

1464
01:34:17,123 --> 01:34:21,127
? And you light my morning sky
With your burning love ?

1465
01:34:24,230 --> 01:34:28,168
? Ooh, ooh, ooh
I feel my temperature rising ?

1466
01:34:29,350 --> 01:34:30,360
Yeah

1467
01:34:30,637 --> 01:34:34,674
? Well, help me, I'm flaming
I must be a hundred and nine ?

1468
01:34:37,510 --> 01:34:41,581
? Burning, burning, burning
And nothing can cool me ?

1469
01:34:44,284 --> 01:34:48,755
? I just might turn to smoke
But I feel fine ?

1470
01:34:50,357 --> 01:34:56,463
? Because your kisses lift me higher
Like a sweet song of a choir ?

1471
01:34:57,230 --> 01:35:01,334
? And you light my morning sky
With your burning love ?

1472
01:35:02,402 --> 01:35:03,403
? Yeah ?

1473
01:35:13,680 --> 01:35:14,748
? Burning love ?

1474
01:35:17,684 --> 01:35:21,588
? It's coming closer
The flames are now reaching my body ?

1475
01:35:24,570 --> 01:35:28,280
? Please won't you help me
I feel like I'm slipping away ?

1476
01:35:30,764 --> 01:35:35,100
? It's hard to breathe
And my chest is a-heaving ?

1477
01:35:37,570 --> 01:35:41,708
? Lord, have mercy
I'm burning a hole where I lay ?

1478
01:35:43,977 --> 01:35:49,949
? 'Cause your kisses lift me higher
Like a sweet song of a choir ?

1479
01:35:50,817 --> 01:35:54,854
? And you light my morning sky
With your burning love ?

1480
01:35:55,622 --> 01:35:58,910
? Yeah, your burning love ?

1481
01:35:59,993 --> 01:36:01,394
? Your burning love ?

1482
01:36:03,763 --> 01:36:06,533
? I'm just a hunk,
a hunk of burning love ?

1483
01:36:07,330 --> 01:36:09,803
? I'm just a hunk,
a hunk of burning love ?

1484
01:36:10,470 --> 01:36:13,273
? Just a hunk,
a hunk of burning love ?

1485
01:36:13,973 --> 01:36:19,979
? I'm just a hunk,
a hunk of burning love ?

1486
01:36:20,613 --> 01:36:23,116
? Just a hunk,
a hunk of burning love ?

1487
01:36:23,450 --> 01:36:24,718
? Burning love ?

1488
01:36:25,752 --> 01:36:28,288
? Yeah
Burning love ??