I'm pregnant.
JEFF: You've got a lot
going on right now.
Maybe take some time off,
focus on things at home.
Hold on.
Are you firing her?
MEEMAW: Hey, George.
What's up?
Georgie and I ran into a little...
problem at the border.
What border?
The Mexican one.
We got arrested.
What?
Who is it?
Arrested?
What do you mean, arrested?
I don't know. Some problem with Customs.
What were they doing in Mexico? I don't know.
Why didn't they tell us they were going?
How many times I got to say I don't know?
(sighs) All right, what do you know?
Well, they're probably gonna have to pay some fine,
and-and they're gonna need cash.
My son is gonna be in jail overnight?
What about your mother?
Oh, she's been there before.
Meemaw's in jail? Uh...
No. Forget about it.
Forget about it? Do I need to remind you I remember my birth?
(grunts)
Go to your room.
That was a rough day.
Rough day for me.
♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪
LEON: Wait here.
(crickets chirping)
(door closes)
(quietly): You see what I see?
What?
An open window.
You want to make a run for it?
You got a better plan?
Yes.
You shutting up.
(door opens)
(mutters): Son of a *****.
New shirt.
You give me some seltzer, I can get that
right out. Shh.
Sorry. So,
smuggling cigarettes.
Your Honor, there was no smuggling.
This is a... misunderstanding.
400 cartons of undeclared cigarettes?
Is that over the limit?
By 399.
(quietly): I told you not to talk.
And he told you not to talk.
All right. (grunts)
Here's your options:
plead not guilty, post a bond,
come back here for a trial,
which you will lose,
because you're guilty.
Or? Plead guilty,
pay a fine
and I never see your face again.
But we get the cigarettes back, right?
No.
How much is the fine?
Why don't we say $2,500?
Let's say $500.
This is not a negotiation.
I hear ya.
$750.
We're done.
Leon, get these clowns out of here.
Your Honor, please,
I really need those cigarettes back.
My girlfriend's gonna have my baby
and I was gonna sell 'em to help pay for the medical expenses.
That's a touching story.
Leon!
Sorry.
Too much Mountain Dew.
Take 'em back to holding.
(Meemaw sighs)
How 'bout $1,000 and you can keep my grandson?
What is happening to our family?
I know. Georgie and Meemaw in jail.
Mom getting kicked out of the church.
Georgie having a baby out of wedlock.
You know what this means, don't you?
What?
We really are white trash.
Speak for yourself.
I'm in college on a full ride.
But I wish y'all luck.
I really appreciate this, Dale.
Smuggling cigarettes?
What the hell was she thinking?
It was Georgie's idea.
Well, that makes more sense.
Well,
whose truck we taking?
You're coming?
My ex-girlfriend in jail at the Mexican border?
(chuckles) I got to take pictures.
(scoffs)
All right, I'll drive.
But we got to stop and get film.
Who you spying on?
Meemaw's house. There's a strange woman
loitering on her porch.
Let me see.
SHELDON: Should we call the police?
MISSY: Nah, she's too pretty
to be a burglar.
I don't think that's how that works.
Connie? Are you okay?
All right, I'm coming in.
MISSY: Freeze, dirtbag.
Who are you?
No, no, we have
the moral high ground here.
Yeah. Who are you?
I'm a friend of the lady that lives here.
I'm worried about her.
That's no lady. That's our meemaw.
Are you Georgie's brother and sister?
Yeah.
I'm Mandy.
I'm Georgie's...
I'm Mandy.
Oh, really?
Yeah, really.
And I'm worried about your meemaw.
Well, you don't have to be. She's fine.
She is?
Yes, Sheldon, she is.
So she's not in jail?
She's in jail?
Well, I thought so, but maybe not.
So why is Connie in jail?
That's family business.
Although Mandy is carrying Georgie's baby
and Georgie's also in jail, so...
Georgie's in jail?!
Why are you still talking?
That is a valid question.
It's past my bedtime.
Good. Go.
Nice meeting you!
So, what happened?
All I know is they had a problem at the border.
Something about smuggling cigarettes.
(quietly): What an idiot. Hey.
He was just trying to make money 'cause you got pregnant.
Oh, so this is my fault?
He didn't make that baby on his own.
Look, you're just a kid, okay?
You don't understand what's going on here.
I know my mom lost her job and got kicked out of the church
because you won't marry my brother.
I didn't know that.
So did I win this argument?
Feels like I did.
Okay, God,
we need to talk.
Are you testing me?
Is this a test?
Am I Mrs. Job?
I try to be a good person, but...
lately, it feels like you are smacking me down
every chance you get.
And I know that that might sound a little ungrateful right now,
as I load my new dishwasher--
that I love--
but can't you pick on someone else for a while?
SHELDON: Who are you talking to?
(exhales sharply)
God. To yourself. Got it.
And you think, like Job, God is testing your faith?
(scoffs) Sure would explain
all the bad things that have been happening.
So believing in a god who's going out of his way
to ruin your life is more comforting
than believing there's no God at all?
Isn't it past your bedtime?
I know. Good night. (stammers) W-Wait.
Where's your sister?
At Meemaw's, talking to Mandy.
What? Why?
Can we table this for tomorrow?
I'm running on fumes.
DALE: So instead of traveling around the country with me,
she'd rather smuggle cigarettes and rot in jail.
How the hell is that supposed to make me feel?
I don't know.
Bad?
Damn right, bad.
Treated that woman like a queen.
Didn't you break up with her?
(huffs) That was a bluff.
Never thought she'd call it.
Well, you are coming to her rescue.
Maybe this'll turn things around.
Who says I want her back?
Great, you don't want her back. Let's drop it.
I will say one thing.
I miss the ***.
Oh, God.
She is vivacious.
And not just for a woman her age.
Oh, look, a hitchhiker.
Let's pick him up. Maybe he'll kill me.
Do you hate Georgie?
No. No, Georgie's a good guy.
If anything, I hate myself for making bad decisions.
Like having *** before marriage?
More like having tequila before ***.
MARY: Hey.
What's going on here?
Mandy was just telling me how she got pregnant.
No, no... But you said...
No. No.
Uh, are Georgie and Connie okay?
(exhales)
Um, I hope so.
My husband just went down there to get 'em out.
Okay. That's good.
Okay, I guess I'll get going.
It... was nice seeing ya.
I'm sorry about your troubles with the church.
What did you tell her?
Just the highlights.
Oh! I forgot I punched out a kid in Sunday school.
You don't have to tell her all that.
Maybe she'll feel guilty and marry Georgie.
No.
(soft chatter in distance)
How ya holding up?
Not so good.
Kid ain't even born yet and I'm already a terrible father.
You're not terrible.
A terrible father would've walked away.
Thank you.
Was my dad real pissed off?
No.
He was positively giddy
about having to drive eight hours down to the border
to bail your *** out.
Your ***, too.
Yeah, but I like it when he's pissed at me.
(chuckling)
This'll be a cool story to tell my kid someday.
Sure.
Oh. You know what would be awesome?
If it was a boy, we name him Winston.
You know, like the cigarettes?
And if it's a girl, we could name her Virginia.
Virginia Slims.
Okay.
I think that's enough of you for now.
(sighing)
(loud rattling)
(sighs)
(exhales)
Evening!
Mary.
Evening.
How come George ain't taking out the garbage?
He's, uh... (inhales sharply)
I am perfectly capable of taking the trash cans out.
'Course.
You are woman-- hear you roar. (chuckling)
Hmm.
Um...
I sure hope we're still gonna see y'all in church tomorrow.
(inhales, sighs)
Thank you. Um...
I'll think about it.
How's Georgie and his, uh, young lady friend?
Great. They're great.
Has anything changed vis-à-vis their... nuptials?
Nope. Baby's gonna be a *******.
That's what you're implying, isn't it?
(stammers) Not a word I like to use.
But, most important, a happy, healthy...
Bastard.
What you said.
Good night, Pastor.
God bless.
♪ ♪
(grunts)
(knocking)
Yeah?
I can't sleep.
Me neither.
This whole Mandy thing is a mess.
If you mean the nomenclature, I agree.
Norman who?
Nomenclature-- the system of devising
or choosing names for things.
For example, if Mandy and Georgie were married,
she'd be our sister-in-law.
But they're not.
Exactly.
So we need a term for the unmarried mother
of our future niece or nephew.
How 'bout "Mandy"?
Follow me-- if we knew the *** of the baby and it was a boy,
I was thinking we could call Mandy "nephewterus,"
because she'd be having a nephew in her uterus.
However, "nieceuterus" just doesn't hit the ear right.
I still think "Mandy" works.
Now, there is a gender-neutral term
coined by linguist Samuel Martin in the 1950s,
which takes the "N" from "niece" or "nephew" with "sibling”
to get "nibling."
So she'd be our nibling?
No, the baby's the nibling.
Mandy would be either the niblingess or the niblinger.
Or, in a swerve from our traditional German suffixes,
"niblingo."
That one.
Oh, yeah, that one's the winner.
ADULT SHELDON: Sadly, "niblingo" never quite caught on.
But that doesn't stop me from using it in Scrabble.
DALE: This is
gonna be my Christmas card.
What the hell?
What are you doing here?
I'm saving ya.
You think I got that kind of cash lying around?
He doesn't. That's why I'm saving you.
Well, damn.
Georgie, come on. Five more minutes.
Now!
Okay! Okay.
Fine's paid. Let's go.
I'm really sorry about this, Dad.
We'll talk about it in the car.
Well, it's just you and me.
Great.
Yeah, it is. 'Cause I'm saving ya.
♪ ♪
I know I messed up.
Mm-hmm.
And I'm gonna pay you back.
Every penny.
Mm-hmm.
You get that I was doing this for the baby, right?
I do.
Which, when you think about it,
could be a reason to be proud of me.
Take some time. Think about it.
When I get the pictures developed, you want copies?
No.
Jail's made you cranky.
Still haven't heard "thank you."
Thank you.
Those are the words, but...
just not feeling it.
I'm tired.
I'm sore. I'm embarrassed.
Could we just...
please not?
Sorry.
Did you have to join any gangs when you were in there?
(chuckles)
Can I ask you something?
What?
Were you scared when Mom got pregnant with me?
I was terrified.
Huh.
Why? You scared?
Yeah.
Good.
You'd be a fool if you weren't.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know what's expected of me. (sighs)
At least you and Mom got married and were a team.
Yeah, you got it rougher than me.
Does it ever stop being scary?
I got a call from the Mexican border that my son was in jail.
What do you think?
Fair point.
Sorry.
It's not all scary. There's fun parts.
Like what?
We went to the beach once. That wasn't bad.
Well, regardless, it's happening.
I'm gonna be a dad.
Yes, you are.
I hope I'm as good a dad as you are.
Don't try to butter me up.
(chuckles) You saw that, huh? Yeah, I saw it.
Boy, you are smart.
Just to be clear, I'm gonna pay you back every cent.
Ah. Don't worry about it.
I am worrying about it. Well,
think of the money as a gift.
That I'm gonna be holding over your head.
Well, that doesn't work for me.
How 'bout...
when we get home...
I make it up to ya?
Now, hold on. You want to...
you want to wipe out a $2,500 debt with one roll in the hay?
Are you saying I'm not worth it?
I'm saying it's a lot of money.
Never mind. Offer's off the table.
No, no, no, wait a minute. Hang on.
Too late. Too late.
Hey, I was thinking a fair price would be...
$500 a roll.
Well, isn't that what a girl wants to hear?
Seemed fair to me.
(birds chirping)
Do you think Georgie got a tattoo in jail?
No.
Do you think Meemaw did?
Probably.
Are we going to church?
I'm going.
After everything that happened?
Isn't that weird?
Doesn't matter.
I need to.
I'll go with you.
You don't have to.
I want to.
("Losing My Religion" by R.E.M. playing)
What?
♪ ♪
(indistinct chatter)
This isn't where we sit.
It's all right. All right?
This is nowhere near the acoustic sweet spot. Shush.
And I'm sitting behind what may be the largest man in Texas.
Shh!
Dear friends, let us love
one another.
Whoever does not love does not know God,
because God is love.
It means that we are responsible for sharing
that love with all those around us.
Now let's join hands and pray.
Dear Heavenly Father,
thank you for gathering us here today
to join together in worship...
I've had enough. Let's go.
You sure? Yes. Please give us
the strength to reflect
your abundant love out into the world.
Thank you for bringing us here today
to join together in worship.
Excuse me.
Am I the only one struck by the incredible hypocrisy
of this sermon?
You go on and on about loving one another
and how God is love.
But not when it comes to my mother and our family?
And why? Because my brother impregnated a woman
11 years older than him?
Which one could argue was an act of love.
Sheldon. At least on his part. She doesn't seem to care for him.
Also, earlier, you said "Nebuh-kuh-nezzar." Sheldon.
In Hebrew, it would be pronounced "Neboo-kha-nezzar."
More in the back of the throat. Kha.
Kha. Bye. Sheldon.
Or in Hebrew, shalom.
Which also means "hello." And "peace."
Kha! Kha! (groans)
(door closes)
How's Mom?
Pretty upset. (man speaking on TV)
Even after that excellent speech I made?
For once, I don't think you're the problem.
Good for me.
(doorbell rings)
I'm reading.
(sighs)
Hi there, Missy.
(sighs) May I help you?
Um, I was hoping to talk to your mom. She around?
I'm not sure. Let me see if she's available.
What's going on?
She's available.
(sighs softly) Hello.
Mary, I am so sorry about today.
I understand why you're upset.
But the church is still your family.
I'd just... hate to see you walk away from the Lord.
(inhales sharply, sighs)
Feels like he's walking away from me.