1 00:00:00,433 --> 00:00:03,370 Previously on Young Sheldon... You got a roommate? 2 00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:04,571 No, it's a single. 3 00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:05,739 I have a chaperone. 4 00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:07,307 Why do you need a chaperone? 5 00:00:07,307 --> 00:00:09,809 Maybe they think I'm, like, some kind of troublemaker. 6 00:00:09,809 --> 00:00:12,278 As the owner of the face you punched, they're right. 7 00:00:12,278 --> 00:00:13,646 Do you play D? 8 00:00:13,646 --> 00:00:15,849 No. I actually just sit in my dorm room 9 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,684 and study because I have no friends. 10 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,185 That's a bummer. Yeah. 11 00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:20,687 I think I'm gonna go. 12 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,789 Bye. 13 00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,125 You should go after her. 14 00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:28,294 Why? She's a bummer. You just said so. 15 00:00:30,430 --> 00:00:33,133 ADULT SHELDON: Many cultures throughout the world 16 00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:34,868 relied on percussion to send messages 17 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,870 across long distances. 18 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:39,806 For example, the West African dundun 19 00:00:39,806 --> 00:00:41,541 was used to imitate human speech... 20 00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:43,543 (loud music playing) 21 00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:45,879 ...while I used my fist, the wall of my dorm, 22 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,181 and Morse code to send a message. 23 00:00:48,181 --> 00:00:51,117 (four knocks) 24 00:00:51,117 --> 00:00:54,154 That's just the letter "H." What does that mean? 25 00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:57,570 Yeah? 26 00:00:57,570 --> 00:00:58,525 I'm here to talk to you about your music 27 00:00:58,525 --> 00:01:00,193 and your abysmal Morse code skills. 28 00:01:00,193 --> 00:01:01,394 What? 29 00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:02,729 Four dots is just the letter "H." 30 00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:04,230 Was your message "Huh"? 31 00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:05,298 What? 32 00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:08,535 Paige? 33 00:01:09,836 --> 00:01:11,137 Sheldon? 34 00:01:11,137 --> 00:01:13,730 You know him? 35 00:01:13,730 --> 00:01:14,341 Yeah, no, we go way back. 36 00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:15,742 What are you doing here? 37 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:18,211 Would you believe me if I told you I was working on 38 00:01:18,211 --> 00:01:20,580 a femtosecond laser in the engineering department? 39 00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:22,549 Yes. Then that. 40 00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:25,185 You know she's not old enough to drink beer. 41 00:01:25,185 --> 00:01:26,986 I'm not old enough to drink beer. 42 00:01:26,986 --> 00:01:28,555 Yeah, one second. 43 00:01:28,555 --> 00:01:30,924 Come here. 44 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,525 Did I convince you that drinking is wrong? 45 00:01:32,525 --> 00:01:33,593 Good for me. 46 00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:34,761 Just leave me alone. 47 00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:36,496 But what are you doing here? 48 00:01:36,496 --> 00:01:38,164 I'm trying to have fun, 49 00:01:38,164 --> 00:01:40,533 and I don't want them to know how old I am. Why? 50 00:01:40,533 --> 00:01:42,936 Because I want them to think that I'm cool. 51 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,105 But you're smart. What's cooler than that? 52 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,906 Just go away. 53 00:01:46,906 --> 00:01:49,676 Hey, we're fixing to play some beer-pong. You in? 54 00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:51,211 You should know, she is not... 55 00:01:51,211 --> 00:01:53,179 Not had dinner. I have not had dinner yet, so 56 00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:54,514 we are going to go get some food. 57 00:01:54,514 --> 00:01:55,782 We are? 58 00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:57,350 Do you have cash? Of course. 59 00:01:57,350 --> 00:01:58,618 I always have an emergency 20, 60 00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:00,286 plus four quarters for the telephone. 61 00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,550 21 bucks? Okay, you're buying. 62 00:02:02,550 --> 00:02:03,590 We're going the wrong way. 63 00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:05,592 Okay, well, I'm drunk. You lead. 64 00:02:06,526 --> 00:02:09,362 ♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪ 65 00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:12,980 ♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪ 66 00:02:12,980 --> 00:02:14,534 ♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪ 67 00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:17,604 ♪ I am a mighty little man ♪ 68 00:02:17,604 --> 00:02:21,410 ♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪ 69 00:02:24,544 --> 00:02:25,645 DINOSAUR (on TV): Here, take a look at this. 70 00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:27,914 Does this look like tuna to you? 71 00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:29,416 (laughs) 72 00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:31,317 What am I watching? 73 00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:33,253 It's called Dinosaurs. 74 00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:36,623 It's like The Flintstones, only with dinosaurs. Come on. 75 00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:37,991 Well, that's dumb. 76 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,493 Well, they talk, he's got a job. It's fun. 77 00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:43,630 Wasn't The Flintstones just The Honeymooners? 78 00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:46,299 Huh, I never even thought about that. 79 00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:48,401 Well, see, you just kind of ruined it for me. 80 00:02:48,401 --> 00:02:49,636 Good. 81 00:02:49,636 --> 00:02:51,171 Hey. 82 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,340 Please tell me you brought some movies home. 83 00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:56,276 Tootsie. Ooh, thank you. 84 00:02:56,276 --> 00:02:57,344 Really? We're supposed to believe 85 00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:58,845 Dustin Hoffman is a woman? 86 00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:01,114 But we believe talking dinosaurs? 87 00:03:01,948 --> 00:03:04,117 Okay, I'll leave you to it. 88 00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:05,785 Little late to start a movie. 89 00:03:05,785 --> 00:03:07,200 It's 8:00. 90 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:08,421 We're saying the same thing. 91 00:03:08,421 --> 00:03:09,756 So, you want to go home? 92 00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:12,258 Well, I don't know. I stayed here last night. 93 00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:13,660 So? 94 00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:15,261 So, two nights in a row. 95 00:03:15,261 --> 00:03:17,330 At what point are we living together? 96 00:03:17,330 --> 00:03:19,165 Fine. Go home. 97 00:03:19,165 --> 00:03:22,369 Oh, I'm okay with staying. You're the independent one. 98 00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:25,271 If you want to stay, stay. If you want to go, go. 99 00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:28,975 Fine. I'll stay if you're gonna beg. 100 00:03:28,975 --> 00:03:30,877 And this isn't what I wanted. 101 00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,612 Are you still inebriated, or can we have 102 00:03:32,612 --> 00:03:34,280 an intelligent conversation? 103 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,683 Both. 104 00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:39,452 You do realize that alcohol kills brain cells. 105 00:03:39,452 --> 00:03:41,554 Ah, but it also makes life tolerable. 106 00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:43,560 What do you mean? 107 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:44,657 Well, talking to you is usually annoying. 108 00:03:44,657 --> 00:03:46,960 So you're what's called a mean drunk. Noted. 109 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,395 I'm messing with you. 110 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,163 It's just, sometimes life sucks, 111 00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:52,650 and it's easier not to deal with it. 112 00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:54,234 Could you be more specific? 113 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:58,705 Um... well, I have no friends, 114 00:03:58,705 --> 00:04:01,641 I don't fit in anywhere, and I dropped out of college 115 00:04:01,641 --> 00:04:03,760 but I'm too young to get a job, 116 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:06,713 so killing brain cells makes it easier. 117 00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:09,149 Huh. 118 00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:12,719 Go ahead, smart guy, fix me. 119 00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:15,188 Mm. 120 00:04:15,188 --> 00:04:16,690 Well, give me a minute. (stammers) 121 00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:21,594 ♪ Sweet Tootsie roll... ♪ 122 00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:25,331 Well, how do they not see that's Dustin Hoffman? 123 00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:26,766 I buy it. 124 00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:29,350 So if I put on a wig and lipstick, 125 00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:30,403 you'd think I was a chick? 126 00:04:30,403 --> 00:04:32,739 (chuckles) Only one way to find out. 127 00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:35,108 Nice try. 128 00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:37,577 You do have some pretty nice legs, though. 129 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:42,615 Well, if you want, we could pause the movie, 130 00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:45,452 and I'll let you touch 'em. 131 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,787 Lucky me. 132 00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:50,690 So I'm assuming you haven't taken the DARE pledge. 133 00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:52,250 The what? 134 00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:53,526 DARE. It's an acronym. 135 00:04:53,526 --> 00:04:55,729 It stands for Drug Abuse Resistance Education. 136 00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:57,797 It's not too late. You can take it now. 137 00:04:57,797 --> 00:05:01,134 I promise not to do drugs, to avoid violence, 138 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:03,737 to be responsible, and to make responsible choices. 139 00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:05,438 Now you say it. 140 00:05:05,438 --> 00:05:06,873 No. 141 00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:08,308 I dare you. 142 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:09,743 Clever, right? 143 00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,144 Because I still have all my brain cells. 144 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,246 Sheldon, just eat your pizza. 145 00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:18,618 Hey. You guys going to a party? 146 00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:19,986 Uh, Gamma Kappa house. 147 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,721 Cool. 148 00:05:21,721 --> 00:05:23,890 Mm, you know, Officer McDaniel was in charge 149 00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:25,658 of our DARE program. 150 00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:28,228 One time, he even brought in his drug-sniffing dog Alfie. 151 00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:30,960 Which I didn't care for, but it was nice to see 152 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:31,664 a dog gainfully employed and off the streets. 153 00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:35,935 MEEMAW: Really? You're gonna leave your socks on? 154 00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:37,337 DALE: My feet get cold. 155 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,673 MEEMAW: Take 'em off. DALE: What do you care? 156 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,474 MEEMAW: It feels like a lack of commitment. 157 00:05:41,474 --> 00:05:44,177 DALE: Aw, fine. 158 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,446 MEEMAW: When was the last time you cut your toenails? 159 00:05:46,446 --> 00:05:47,814 DALE: I don't know. 160 00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:49,282 MEEMAW: Seriously, you look like something 161 00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:50,917 that could swoop down and pick up a squirrel. 162 00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:52,852 (knock on door) 163 00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:55,255 Look who's here. Come on in. 164 00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:56,856 Thanks. 165 00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:58,258 Everything okay? 166 00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:00,126 Mind if I hang out here with y'all? 167 00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:01,461 Come on, mama. (pats couch) 168 00:06:01,461 --> 00:06:03,530 Need a break from Connie? 169 00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:08,468 I'm just trying to give her and Dale some privacy. 170 00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:10,437 Gross. Oh. 171 00:06:10,437 --> 00:06:11,838 What? 172 00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:15,608 Oh, nasty. 173 00:06:15,608 --> 00:06:16,609 Wait, ***, right? 174 00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:17,610 Yeah. 175 00:06:17,610 --> 00:06:19,312 Missy's at a sleepover 176 00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:20,880 if you want to use her room. 177 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,682 I might take you up on that. 178 00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:25,118 You'll be safe here. They never do anything. 179 00:06:27,530 --> 00:06:29,989 (rock music playing, lively chatter) 180 00:06:29,989 --> 00:06:31,691 What are we doing here? 181 00:06:31,691 --> 00:06:33,727 It's a party, Sheldon. 182 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,620 But we weren't invited. I didn't bring a gift. 183 00:06:36,620 --> 00:06:38,398 Then go home. 184 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,633 Wait, this is dangerous. 185 00:06:40,633 --> 00:06:42,902 ADULT SHELDON: There I stood, the classic hero 186 00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:44,904 outside the dragon's cave. 187 00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:47,907 Should I risk life and limb to save the maiden? 188 00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:50,760 My every instinct said no. 189 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:53,246 But I drank a lot of root beer and really had to go pee-pee. 190 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,347 ♪ Let's go! ♪ 191 00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:03,890 (rock music playing, lively chatter) 192 00:07:05,825 --> 00:07:08,361 Hell does exist. 193 00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:12,165 Excuse me. Where's the nearest restroom? 194 00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:16,200 Hey, look, Pee-wee Herman's at our party! 195 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:19,673 ALL (chanting): Pee-wee! Pee-wee! Pee-wee! 196 00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:21,274 Pee-wee! Pee-wee! 197 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,742 The hell continues. 198 00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:24,210 Pee-wee! Pee-wee! 199 00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:26,379 (toilet flushes) 200 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,518 Oh, thank goodness. 201 00:07:31,518 --> 00:07:32,452 Come on! 202 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:35,550 Hey, there's a line. 203 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,940 Oh, boy. New hell. 204 00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:45,650 (Dale cries out) MEEMAW: What?! 205 00:07:45,650 --> 00:07:47,467 What?! Charley horse. Charley horse. 206 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,235 What-what do I do? I don't know. (stammers) 207 00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:51,638 Here, rub it, rub it, rub it. 208 00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:53,540 That's kind of how this whole thing got started. (snickers) 209 00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:55,141 That's not funny. Mm-hmm. 210 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,876 You'll laugh later. 211 00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,379 DALE: Rub harder. Harder. 212 00:07:59,379 --> 00:08:00,580 MEEMAW: I'm rubbing as hard as I can. 213 00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:02,315 DALE: Well, use your elbow. 214 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,650 MEEMAW: All right. (Dale groaning) 215 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:04,984 I don't need my toothbrush. 216 00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:06,453 MEEMAW: You like that? 217 00:08:06,453 --> 00:08:09,550 DALE: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. 218 00:08:09,550 --> 00:08:11,658 ADULT SHELDON: This night of depravity had reduced me 219 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:14,600 to urinating on a tree like a forest animal. 220 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:15,562 How much worse could it get? 221 00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:17,330 PAUL: Hey, Pee-wee's back! 222 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:20,667 ALL (chanting): Pee-wee! Pee-wee! Pee-wee! 223 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,102 Pee-wee! 224 00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:24,471 Excuse me. 225 00:08:24,471 --> 00:08:25,805 I'm looking for my friend. 226 00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:28,174 Blonde girl, about a meter and a half. 227 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,643 (rock music and lively chatter continue) 228 00:08:30,643 --> 00:08:34,681 ♪ Suck the poison out... ♪ 229 00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:37,170 Excuse me. I'm looking for... 230 00:08:37,170 --> 00:08:38,818 Missy? Sheldon? 231 00:08:38,818 --> 00:08:40,153 What are you doing here? 232 00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:41,287 What are you doing here? 233 00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:44,190 Do Mom and Dad know you're here? 234 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:45,625 Okay, stop. You go first. 235 00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:47,594 Heather's sister goes to school here. 236 00:08:47,594 --> 00:08:50,300 She invited us. Now you. 237 00:08:50,300 --> 00:08:51,765 I'm looking after Paige. 238 00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:53,867 Where is she? 239 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:56,803 Well, I didn't say I was doing a great job. 240 00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:00,600 Where's your toothbrush? 241 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:01,608 I don't want to talk about it. 242 00:09:01,608 --> 00:09:03,376 (phone ringing) 243 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:06,379 Who the hell calls at this hour? 244 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:08,148 Hello. 245 00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:09,716 Oh, hi. 246 00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:11,284 Everything okay? Who is it? 247 00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:13,620 Heather's mom. Oh. Is everything okay? 248 00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:16,456 You just heard me ask. Wh-What's up? 249 00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:19,359 No, Heather's not here. They're at your house. 250 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,829 Huh. What? 251 00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:25,231 Heather told her mom she was staying here. 252 00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:27,200 (chuckles) Classic. 253 00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:31,638 Paige is drunk? 254 00:09:31,638 --> 00:09:33,540 And high on what Officer McDaniel's called 255 00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,842 Mary Jane, reefer and ganja. 256 00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:37,310 Is she okay? No. 257 00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:38,745 She said her life is terrible. 258 00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:41,648 What? Her life is terrible. 259 00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:42,816 What? 260 00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:44,500 (rock music continues loudly) 261 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,822 (music stops) 262 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,691 Her life is terrible. 263 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,610 (crowd murmuring) 264 00:09:56,896 --> 00:09:58,765 (muttering) 265 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:01,267 How's your *** cramp, old man? 266 00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,269 Athletes get cramps all the time. 267 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:06,439 It comes from dehydration, overexertion. 268 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,410 I'll give you the dehydration, 269 00:10:08,410 --> 00:10:10,577 but I didn't see any overexertion, though. 270 00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:12,780 Why, Connie? 271 00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:13,947 'Cause it's fun. 272 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,448 Well, just give me a minute, I'll be ready. 273 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:16,916 Why don't we just call it a night 274 00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:18,118 and get some sleep? 275 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,554 That's fine by me, but just to be clear, 276 00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:23,957 you're calling it, not me. Yep. 277 00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:26,260 I'm good to go. I'm sure you are. 278 00:10:26,260 --> 00:10:27,927 Yep. 279 00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:30,563 Damn tootin'. (groans) 280 00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:34,434 I don't know if it's any help, but when I was her age 281 00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:36,469 and pulled this, it was just to go to a party. 282 00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,380 (scoffs) Oh, great. 283 00:10:38,380 --> 00:10:39,739 So she's at a party, who knows where. 284 00:10:39,739 --> 00:10:40,907 GEORGE SR.: You know what? 285 00:10:40,907 --> 00:10:42,942 I'm gonna go find her. How? 286 00:10:42,942 --> 00:10:44,644 I don't know. I'm just-- I'm gonna drive around 287 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,980 till I hear some carousing. I'll go with you. 288 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,249 Will you both just stop for a minute? 289 00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:51,551 There's nothing to do but wait. 290 00:10:52,619 --> 00:10:54,754 Fine. 291 00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,125 Nope. Georgie, let's go. 292 00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:00,493 Let's check out that creek in the woods 293 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:01,594 where they found the headless body. 294 00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:02,996 GEORGE SR.: Will you shut up. 295 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:05,980 (sighs) Now what do we do? 296 00:11:05,980 --> 00:11:07,334 We can't just leave. Paige is still in there. 297 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,102 Maybe we should call Mom. 298 00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:11,338 I do have four quarters for that exact reason. 299 00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:12,939 Paige? 300 00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:15,575 Wait! 301 00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:17,410 What are you doing? 302 00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:21,181 Well, this is Bradley, and we're going to another party. 303 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,116 Another party? It's 9:30. 304 00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:25,151 Bradley, do you know how old she is? 305 00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:28,188 She said she was 18. 306 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,589 Lower. 307 00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:31,191 Sixteen? 308 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,525 Lower. 309 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,260 Okay, I got to go. 310 00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,765 Thanks a lot. 311 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,268 Come on. 312 00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:43,837 We're running again? 313 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,806 We just ran. 314 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,883 I'll tell you what. 315 00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,785 My daughter's never gonna put me through this. 316 00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:00,820 Oh, really? How you figure? 317 00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:03,790 I'm gonna run a tight ship. Set some rules, some boundaries. 318 00:12:03,790 --> 00:12:05,392 If she breaks them, then she faces the... 319 00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:08,528 Oh, what do you call it? Repercussions. 320 00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:10,397 (snickers) 321 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:11,998 Why you smiling? 322 00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:14,968 I just can't wait till you're a dad. 323 00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,703 Thank you. 324 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:19,472 "Repercussions." 325 00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:21,141 It's a word. Look it up. 326 00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:22,809 (sighs) 327 00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:24,210 MISSY: Hurry! 328 00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:25,812 This is as fast as I can go in sensible shoes. 329 00:12:25,812 --> 00:12:26,880 (Paige retching) 330 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,314 (groans) 331 00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:30,383 You okay? No. 332 00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:31,985 Oh, dear. What? 333 00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:33,920 I'm going to have the mother of all blisters. 334 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,188 (sighs) 335 00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:38,240 I'm worried about you. Thank you. 336 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:39,920 Well, don't be. 337 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:41,161 I'm having fun. You're drunk 338 00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:43,960 and you were about to get in the car with some stranger. 339 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,990 So? He was cute. What's wrong with you? 340 00:12:46,990 --> 00:12:48,234 You're smarter than Sheldon. Why don't you act like it? 341 00:12:48,234 --> 00:12:50,403 Um... I am. 342 00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:52,772 If that was true, then how come my pizza's still in my stomach 343 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,700 and yours is in the fountain? 344 00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:55,742 (groans) 345 00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:57,844 What good is being smart if you're all alone? 346 00:12:57,844 --> 00:13:00,547 Let's go to Sheldon's so I can get you cleaned up. 347 00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:02,549 (groans softly) Thanks. 348 00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:04,451 Just so you know, you're not alone. 349 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:05,919 You've got me. 350 00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:07,587 I thought we were trying to make her feel better. 351 00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:09,255 (music playing quietly over radio) 352 00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:11,424 I'll tell you another idea I have for keeping my kid in line. 353 00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:13,426 Oh, can't wait. I seen this show where they put 354 00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:15,428 these electric trackers on these dolphins. 355 00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:17,864 And with satellites, they can tell exactly where they are. 356 00:13:17,864 --> 00:13:19,299 Dolphins? 357 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,700 Go on. 358 00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:21,901 I'm gonna stick one of them things in my kid 359 00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:23,269 so I always know where she is. 360 00:13:23,269 --> 00:13:24,971 So you're gonna keep track of your daughter 361 00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,206 like she's an animal. 362 00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:27,607 Damn straight. 363 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,644 Actually a really good idea. 364 00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,649 Missy's a good kid. I'm sure she's okay. 365 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,218 (sighs) 366 00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:39,652 I was a good kid. 367 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:42,389 Didn't stop me from getting into trouble. 368 00:13:42,389 --> 00:13:43,656 (chuckles) Me, too. 369 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,458 One time, I was at this party and... 370 00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:48,294 Actually, never mind. 371 00:13:48,294 --> 00:13:50,296 The important thing is we survived. 372 00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:52,432 Yes, we did. 373 00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:54,267 (inhales deeply) 374 00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:56,569 You just want your children to have an easier time of it. 375 00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,338 Easier. 376 00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:01,307 My baby's gonna have a broke single mom and a teenage dad. 377 00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:04,177 Mm-hmm. 378 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,779 Let me get you some more tea. 379 00:14:05,779 --> 00:14:07,647 Okay. 380 00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:09,983 You know what else is nice? Hmm? 381 00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:12,519 I get to learn from all your parenting mistakes. 382 00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:14,200 I'm starting to think 383 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,822 letting you live this long was one of 'em. 384 00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:18,825 Like that. I'd never say something so awful to my kid. 385 00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:20,260 (scoffs) 386 00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:22,262 Thanks, big guy. 387 00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:24,798 (crickets chirping) 388 00:14:24,798 --> 00:14:26,533 You awake? 389 00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,468 Mm-hmm. 390 00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:33,707 I've been thinking. 391 00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:36,343 We don't have to spend every night together. 392 00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:38,144 Wow. 393 00:14:38,144 --> 00:14:40,880 You're preaching to the choir there, Connie. 394 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,615 I've been lying awake here for an hour, 395 00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:44,784 wishing I were back home in my own bed. 396 00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:46,520 Really? 397 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:47,887 Everything's the way I like it there. 398 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,456 Got a TV in the bedroom 399 00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:51,891 and leave the seat up on the toilet. 400 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:54,828 And thermostat's not set to storing meat. 401 00:14:54,828 --> 00:14:56,830 I did turn the toilet paper around 402 00:14:56,830 --> 00:14:59,165 so it comes over the top like you like it. 403 00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:00,367 Like the world likes it. 404 00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:02,736 Don't start on this again. (chuckles) 405 00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:04,637 Hee-hee. (chuckling) 406 00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:06,306 So, we got a plan? 407 00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:07,574 We got a plan. 408 00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:09,420 Mm. 409 00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:11,578 (sighs) 410 00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:12,912 (grunts) 411 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:15,315 So I'll spend tomorrow night at my place. 412 00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:16,416 Yep. 413 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,184 (sighs): Oh, thank God. 414 00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:22,255 Where you going? 415 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:25,358 Think I might have to crank up the AC. 416 00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:27,930 DALE: 'Cause I said "thank God"? 417 00:15:27,930 --> 00:15:28,862 MEEMAW: No fooling you. 418 00:15:31,898 --> 00:15:33,400 (quietly): Okay, she's asleep. 419 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,769 I put a trash can by the bed in case she gets sick. 420 00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:37,504 Where am I supposed to sleep? 421 00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:38,838 On the floor. 422 00:15:38,838 --> 00:15:40,206 Why can't she sleep on the floor? 423 00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:41,374 She doesn't even know where she is. 424 00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:43,900 I don't have time for this. 425 00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:44,210 I have to find Heather before I lose my ride home. 426 00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:46,179 Fine. But first, 427 00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:47,280 we have to get our story straight 428 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,748 about where I was tonight. 429 00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:50,417 There's only one story, and it's straight: 430 00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:51,418 you were here. 431 00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:53,787 No, I wasn't. 432 00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:56,122 I was at Heather's, and you didn't see me. 433 00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:57,924 Got it? First I have to sleep on the floor 434 00:15:57,924 --> 00:15:59,259 and now I have to lie for you? 435 00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:00,727 How 'bout this? 436 00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:02,729 Work with me, and I will officially owe you one. 437 00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:03,963 One what? 438 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,632 I don't know. One anything. 439 00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:07,400 "Anything" is awfully vague. 440 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,302 What say we draw up a contract or... Sheldon, you went 441 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,438 to a frat party; now there's a drunk girl in your bed. 442 00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:13,540 That's the coolest college story you'll ever get to tell. 443 00:16:13,540 --> 00:16:14,641 So I can tell Mom. 444 00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:16,576 No. Someday. 445 00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:18,211 When? 446 00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:20,113 Someday when we're old and we can laugh about it. 447 00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:21,581 I got to go. 448 00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:23,830 (sighs) 449 00:16:23,830 --> 00:16:24,451 ADULT SHELDON: 30 years later, 450 00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:26,419 still not laughing. 451 00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:28,455 (crickets chirping) 452 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,125 What are you doing out here? 453 00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:33,760 It's the middle of the night. 454 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:37,970 I can't sleep not knowing where she is. 455 00:16:37,970 --> 00:16:38,598 Yeah. 456 00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:41,634 (grunting) 457 00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:43,670 (sighing) 458 00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,573 So we're on the same page, when she does show up, 459 00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:48,174 I'm gonna kill her. 460 00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,477 You're gonna have to beat me to it. 461 00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:52,345 Not saying I love her the most, 462 00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:53,947 but if anything happened to Missy... 463 00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:57,517 She is your little girl. 464 00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:58,952 Not so little anymore. 465 00:16:58,952 --> 00:16:59,919 Hmm. 466 00:16:59,919 --> 00:17:02,288 And I hate it. 467 00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:05,759 Well, pretty soon, you're gonna have a granddaughter. 468 00:17:05,759 --> 00:17:07,327 Start all over again. 469 00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:08,862 (chuckles) (snorts) 470 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,132 You know, I had an idea. 471 00:17:13,330 --> 00:17:15,702 I'm gonna put a tracker on her, like they do with dolphins. 472 00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:18,138 You're making that up. No, it's true. 473 00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:20,173 Yeah, wherever she goes-- 474 00:17:20,173 --> 00:17:22,208 Timbuktu, doesn't matter-- 475 00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,276 we're there. 476 00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:24,644 (snorts) 477 00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:28,648 (both sigh) 478 00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:36,156 (door opens) 479 00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:38,580 MISSY: I'm home! (door closes) 480 00:17:38,580 --> 00:17:39,959 (footsteps approaching) 481 00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,127 Hey. 482 00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:42,696 Hey to you. 483 00:17:42,696 --> 00:17:44,130 How was Heather's? 484 00:17:44,130 --> 00:17:45,331 Uh, fun. 485 00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:46,332 Pizza, movies-- 486 00:17:46,332 --> 00:17:48,134 the usual. 487 00:17:48,134 --> 00:17:49,569 You look tired. 488 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,971 I didn't sleep too well. 489 00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:54,400 Oh. Sorry. 490 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,176 Well, I'm gonna go to my room. 491 00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:58,745 What happened to killing her? 492 00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,880 I'll get to it. (door closes) 493 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,490 Just so relieved she's okay. 494 00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:06,219 (slurps, smacks lips) 495 00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:08,388 Okay, I'm good. Missy! 496 00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:10,357 Wait for me!